Page View: 1774
Watchers: 191

*LIFE*
My youngest child had to go into surgery this morning at 6am to get dental work done of a rather uncomfortable amount. *sighs* So now I get the "joy" of dealing with that post-op crap in a 2yr old that doesn't understand.

She just got done a serious crying fit that nearly had me reaching for the phone to call 911. Her throat is sore, I THOUGHT I had ibuprofen (reduces swelling), and she started wheezing and coughing like -- I DO -- as an asthmatic. >.< So... no streaming tonight. Sorry.

I'm all agitated and hovering now as I listen to her breath, just to make sure I don't as yet need to call 911 for air-way blockage.

*ART*
Working on pieces I owe and getting that backlog done Wheee!! I also finished a knot-work design of a sea-horse (mer-horse). My initial plan was to have the hair all crazy interwoven with the body and such, but sometimes less is more. Look for the upload.

I'm also pulling out some of my older sketchbooks to see what I can polish, refine, or finish. Sometimes putting an idea away when one isn't happy with it nets some nicer results a few months or years down the line.

I've been going crazy crocheting lanyards too. Right now the only color I have is a brown that doesn't match the brown of the clasps (the yarn is dusty-brown, the clasps are a more red-brown), but it's going great!

I am getting my bigger projects in order and better organized. One I don't think I'll ever be done, but I can try! The others just rely on some time and effort lining up just so in my busy schedule.

I REALLY want to finish a werewolf and anthro tarot card set..... but I think I will try to finish the Western Zodiac first (fewer illustrations).

*BUSINESS*
As I work on the backlog I'm revamping all my price sheets. As an animator I may tackle something I don't seen often.

Personal storyboard Commissions, and/or offer Animation-style character reference sheets. Those are a LOT of work and effort.

I have a few videos that I need to edit up a bit. I wish I had a better web cam set up though *sighs* One day... one day....

I've tentatively am scheduled to do two more panels at FAUnited this year *crosses fingers*. I missed Fur The More due to un-realized issues with my tax return *sad face* But lessons learned. Move on little artist move on....


*FUN*

Meh... What's that? ;) Just kidding.

Page Views: 1765
Watchers: 190

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 more watchers until the 200 Watcher Kirriban.

235 more views until the 2k Pageview Kirriban!

I'm in Two Mega Raffles -
This multi-winner Raffle (1st, 2nd, 3rd places) hosted by TerraMoon
This Raffle starts the first week of April, hosted by LordFireWings, it is still in need or artists, writers, etc to offer a donated prize.


I have a few more art pieces I need to ink and some more odds and ends to tie up. I'm re-working my price sheets as well, so we shall see.

Should I though put them all into one massive image file? Or upload them separately? Hrmmn.

Seems like these things are getting popular!

This one is still looking for artists, poets, writers, tail makers, etc....
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5615045/

Also don't forget my double Kirriban!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5619321/

Badges, badges who wants a Badge!!

With the Mega-watcher Raffle underway (http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13052166/), the number of watchers rose from 24 when this first started to nearly 50 all told. So with the increase rising rather steadily, I figured I'd check my total numbers.

Current watchers: 171
Current Page Views: 1709

Now the deal with the Mega Raffle is that people get a "ticket" by watching all the artists who are offering prizes. If you un-watch by the end of it, you are disqualified (that's how I understand how the raffle works). However being the wise-sort (aside from being a wise-tail as well), I know that some folks may end up un-watching me once the raffle prizes are awarded. So I an guessing I need to be prepared for this.

That said - The Pageview count won't change. It will continue to rise, but even if people stop watching me the page count will only continue to rise and not decrease.

So for that I'm offering a duplicate of the Mega Raffle Prize to the 2k person who views my profile.

>>> A full color con badge, laminated, with a hand-crocheted lanyard (with safety clasp).
*The lanyard and clasp are brown in color - cause that's what I currently have available.
*This comes with a key-ring sewn into the lanyard (pics soon!) and a clip attached to that.

For the 200th Watcher (before raffle ends) - a Celtic Knot-work, die cut, laminated Badge, of their chosen character/ 'sona.

O was curious. I see a lot of different comics online and off. I collected them for a while (yep even got a few Gold Digger too). Though my FIRST furry-related comic was Xanadu (which I'm still looking for copies of! Even if only trade paperback.) My favorite sorta-related is the Wolf Rider series. (Also looking for the collected series).

So on that note, just to satisfy my curiosity - A few questions.

I would like as much input as possible, so I'm sharing these questions in various places. If you respond on one, it's okay if you respond on another. :)

Heck I might find a new one to follow! XD (All kinds of comics count, digital and physical).


1) If you were to buy comics what Genre and kind of story telling do you prefer?
~
2) If I were to write a comic, what do you think it would be about, and what genre?
~
3) What kind of extras would tempt you to buy a subscription?
~
4) Would you like to be able to read it on a tablet/kindled/etc?
~
5) What are you top comic titles? (that you LOVE)

If you share this too, just let me know where so I don't over lap it. :)

I was planning on streaming last night, however with the need to get my dad from the hospital this morning and helping a friend figure out animation layouts, I totally forgot!

I'll try to get something done tonight, I do have the globes to work on, and a face. I got my paws on a copy of sketchbook Pro and dear lord is there a difference! I love Photoshop, don't get me wrong. But it feels like I'm actually drawing on a sketch book! (And I'm using an old Intuos tablet too boot!)

http://www.drakenhart-studios.net/i.....ions/wing-its/

Ahhh More organization is a good thing! I also adjusted prices, and offers too. This makes a lot more sense for me. Many thinks to the folks in the various places online that helped critique it!

I need to find a place online to keep my trades, swaps, freebies, and commissioned work organized now too. Any suggestions?

Streaming Friday: Digital Art. I'm using Join.me this time so space is limited.

I have two pieces I need to work on, maybe a third if I'm not to tired. Come join me.

https://join.me/208-284-263

Hey folks!

I'm gearing up for the convention season. *wiggles butt* and I want to get out there to share my knowledge with as many people as I can. But I need a bit of help.

I'm not a "popfur" (and sorta of glad of it in a way - less drama), nor am I a "name" in among the bigger and more well known artists. So I want to get this link out to as many folks as will want to see something like this.

If you signal boost this you will have my gratitude. :) Yay! Yummeh Grats. Hrmmn sounds like Brauts. yum.

Anyway, tonight I'm hosting 2 lessons - one on watercolor tips and one on animation basics.
http://www.drakenhart-studios.net/f.....e-art-lessons/

I also have my own Patreon page up as well to help me bring more of this info to the world! Do me a favor and check it out?
http://www.patreon.com/drakenhart

 purplepardus wrote this gem: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5540482/ <-- dead link? hrmmn looks like it was deleted? Weird.

Paypal Acceptable Use Policy: https://www.paypal.com/us/webapps/m.....ptableuse-full
Quote: (paraphrased to highlight)
"You may not use the PayPal service for activities that:"
"relate to transactions involving (a) narcotics, steroids, certain controlled substances or other products that present a risk to consumer safety, (b) drug paraphernalia, © items that encourage, promote, facilitate or instruct others to engage in illegal activity, (d) stolen goods including digital and virtual goods (e) items that promote hate, violence, racial intolerance, or the financial exploitation of a crime, (f) items that are considered obscene, (g) items that infringe or violate any copyright, trademark, right of publicity or privacy or any other proprietary right under the laws of any jurisdiction, (h) certain sexually oriented materials or services, (i) ammunition, firearms, or certain firearm parts or accessories, or (j) ,certain weapons or knives regulated under applicable law."

Something else to watch out for:
"2.2 Personal, Premier and Business Accounts; Types of Transactions. We offer three different types of Accounts: Personal, Premier and Business Accounts. By opening a Premier or Business Account and accepting the terms as outlined in this Agreement, you attest that you are not establishing the Account primarily for personal, family, or household purposes."

And

"4.1 Receiving Personal Payments. If you are selling goods or services, you may not ask the buyer to send you a Personal Payment for the purchase. If you do so, PayPal may remove your ability to accept Personal Payments."

As a tip, since they do not allow "Commissioned work" - set it up as "Freelance Illustration Work" instead.

There are two local-to-me fur-conventions that I want to get to this year, at the very least. Others nearer to this month will be harder for me to attend, but they are on my wish list none-the-less.

I had a REALLY great time doing the panels for FA, and want to expand from there. The hands and feet and the uber-basics of character design were great and taught me a lot. I am really jazzed about this idea, and really want to reach out to help the other artists out there.

However, baby steps. I can only get to the ones closer to me (within state, and within a north-south drive of where I am at now).

That and I need to expand my panel offerings beyond just hands and feet. The basics of character design had way too much information to process. That is going to need breaking down even further into other separate categories. So any ideas you all may have would be more then welcome.

Help me go to these conventions! Commission me! :0 Purchase a Wing-it! :) Donate! m^..^m Become a Patron and get cool stuff! 8)


Convention Schedule
ie. Where I AM attending and what I'm doing!
FurTheMore March 14th-16th }Panelist?{ *NR* (Baltimore)
I'm going no matter WHAT it takes! I offered to host the hands and feet panel there as well as a new one. ;) muhahaha.




My Personal Convention Wishlist
Key:
*NR* = not registered
? = not confirmed


TheTwistedWorldMarch 28th-30th }{ (Valley Forge PA) **my b-day present to myself** Maybe?
Chiller April 25th-27th }{ *NR*
FAUnited May 15th-17th }Panelist?{ *NR* (Northern NJ)
Balticon 47 May 23rd - 26th }{ *NR* (Baltimore)
Big Apple Pony Con June 6th-7th (NY)
Anime Next June 6th-8th }{ *NR* (NJ)
AnthroCon July 3rd-6th }Panelist?{ *NR* (Pittsburgh)
Brony Con August 1st-3rd }{ *NR*
Otakon August 8th-10th }{ (Baltimore)
PhilCon Nov 8th-10th }{ *NR* (Cherry Hill)


Monster-Maina (2015) }{ *NR* (NJ)
Katsucon (2015) }{ *NR* (MD)
KotoriCon (2015) }{ *NR* (Southern NJ)

Yeah so I went and did it. I made up a few more bases. So now I have a list of them for people to choose from. I may take a couple of my favorite (like the octopus one or the twins holding hands) and make one just for myself because they are so CUTE.

If I get enough done I may send them out to various Conventions art shows. I need to get more of my work out there and in the public eye, although there is a LOT of competition for general non-sexual works. If you don't have a "thing" that you do that is unique and different then EVERYONE ELSE, then it seems you get lost in the folds of the internet.

So I am hoping these things are more positively received (they ARE fetuses after all and that creeps some people out in bad ways). Maybe I can start offering solid items, like actual snow globes! ^.^

*grins*

Anywho - if you want to learn more about these go here: http://wp.me/P2z33j-18g
If you want one there is a slot request form at the bottom of the above mentioned page.

The physical floating fetus things can be swapped out for other creatures, species, etc... I'm still working out how to attach an egg-yolk-sac.

That said:
I am offering 3 freebies in these! I am looking for an avian, reptile (dragons can count for this one too) and an insect character - but any will do!

Post Here on my FB to get your number!



I will by random Number Generator pick three characters and I will create an 8x10 illustration. Winners get a signed print AND the original - however my general commission polices do stand.

Read here for more: http://www.drakenhart-studios.net/i.....n-commissions/

The SOB story..... posted here for "security" reasons..

Now the big sob story: My dad and step mom's Anniversary is the 14th..... he just had to pay out a LOT of money for the cable/net so he has... pretty much not enough to take her out. I have ONE WEEK to pay him back!

She has PTSD from trauma in her life and has been, since he paid the bill FLIPPING HER LID, and THAT is triggering her other issues related to (delusions). I do not need this toxic environment. She does not need this toxic environment. HE does not need this especially after... well

Anyone who has friend-ed me on FB also knows I just recently WRECKED my dad's truck on a BUS...

My income is currently limited (more so now with lack of extra vehicle) due to several factors. 1) being a mom of very young kids, 2) living on a rural farm/homestead in southern NJ (no public transportation), 3) no funds even for day care.

I get partial child support from their dad who just lost his job (and JUST got a new one the start of this month) so the payment from him that I would use for bills.... never got here. Which is why I'm in these dire straights.....

I'm running out of diapers too..... oh lord help me....

On the job front:

1) Degree-related --> I'm still working on my portfolio of work. So that is a no-go.
I also cannot move anywhere but where I am, so it has to be close. I sob to see positions opening with Blizzard for a new "card game" they have, that I COULD do... but it's out in California! ARGH!!

2) Experience-related --> still working on educating myself as I can to improve my coding skillz. I have a ton of real-life experience with web designer and web advertising...... but I also need a portfolio of work (cue Fiverr.com). However, for as much time I put into doing some of my Gigs, I just don't get paid enough. They are there to beef up my portfolio and that's it....But it's slow going even there.

I get MORE Gigs for ad design work then anything else so yeah.

3) The "Beneath me" or the "non-related" jobs? They are not flexible. Many want me to basically be their minion and BE flexible for THEIR needs. Sorry... can't do that, I have kids that have needs that trump yours.

Or, I've had to turn them down because of Day Care requirements.....(I need paperwork, they can't/won't give it to me, so I can't get help with day Care and can't afford it out right). (OR they want me to start within a time period I can't do, because of said paperwork requiring at least three to five days processing.......no joke).


So I open commissions, if I get enough I can hire a in-house sitter/nanny..... but no nibbles.....FRACKING hot spots.... >.<

I have a freelance deal right now, doing some motion graphics work. YAY.... but I don't know if I'll get that money in time to get it to my dad....

OH and let's not forget about the electricity bill..... I'm totally screwed on that once spring hits. >.< *sighs*


So... I'm going to do a comic like thing..... I'm going to start it, and people will be giving a chance to "buy in" a space for their fursona, or "buy in" for something else.. not sure about that.....I'm open for suggestions....

I'm going to keep a master list on my website of all my Commissions slots. So check there just in case this list doesn't seem to be edited or updated. I am on a LOT of sites. ;)

**As borrowed from **

WHAT A WING IT IS:

Fast Turnaround - (Half the time of a normal commission)
Cheaper then Normal Commission - (About %30 cheaper)
No Input - (References and general theme is good)
No Edits - (Unless you have severely messed up the character)
Artist Creative Liberty - (customer is trusting artist)
Clearly Explained - (Make sure your customer KNOWS this is a wing-it!)

**To clarify - You give me a ref sheet, and I go where the Muses lead me. You get NO edits or revisions, and no other input aside from what I ask for either before, or during the artistic process. I get creative freedom. You get a piece of artwork faster and cheaper then normal rates because the extended consultation process is removed.**

WHAT A WING IT IS NOT:
Iron Artist - (Those are for practice, and in stacks of 10-100)
Normal Commission - ( With wips, edits, input)
Same Price as Normal Commission - (Less input = less time = less money)
Auction - ( Typically auctions are pricey, Wing-its are meant to be cheaper due to flexibility)
Your Character Here - (These defeat the purpose of a Wing-it, it removes the surprise)
Adoption - (Again, defeats the purpose of a Wing-It)



List:
** Slots will be cleared out as pieces are done. **
** All wings it are given a slightly higher priority in my commission que due to speed of completion.**
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)

First -

I have done "Wing-its" without ever using the term as such. I often called them "Quick sketches" or "doodles" and even "free-hand sketches", but both of those give a false sense of lack in quality. Also "quick sketches" are just that, quick, rough sketches, while a wing-it can be a more complete piece with full color. The difference also is in the level of artistic freedom.

For example:
This is more of a "Quick Sketch" ---> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5466815/
This is more of a "Wing-It" ---> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/37188/

The artist PsychoticBubble is the one who apparently coined this term (within my circle of artist folks). Here is their journal about it, for a more clear explination: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5456204/

With that said.. I think I'm going to edit my commission sheet. Thanks PB! I'm so adopting that term!

At the beginning of 2013 I left my bf and the father of my kids due to various issues within the relationship that was just broken. He immediately got a new girlfriend, who recently dumped him just prior to Christmas. *rolls eyes and sighs* Whatever.

Shortly after I mostly moved out, my gram died. I kind of went AWOL from the internet, except stupid facebook games.

I now am more active on Facebook, am an admin with at least two furry groups online. I'm TRYING to get back into the swing of things, but haven't even been back to DA (I HAD an admin job there? o.O), here, and SoFurry. But as a now single mom that's not so easy.

I've joined up with Everfree Animation as a story boarder.
Links:
https://twitter.com/EverfreeAnimate
http://everfreeanimation.tumblr.com/
http://www.youtube.com/EverfreeAnimation
https://www.facebook.com/EverfreeAnimation

It's all volunteer, and I'm not getting paid. But I'm getting experience on a real, serious, animation team! That's something!

I've been doing a lot more Fiverr Gigs, to the point I had to shut some of them down. Like.. seriously. I was running late on so many of them, and most were from the same Client! The bonus to this is my design skills in regards to web banners and the like have improved dramatically! I'm rather happily surprised myself. :)

I want to get back out and do more panels at conventions. I want to make video tutorials. I need to get my hands & feet tutorial written up and finished. So many projects, so little time. I need a in-house sitter really.

BAH.

That was mostly painless. :) I used ......> http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1920443/

Now....on to other things.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5259913/

Krispup has a well known reputation for doing good works like this. I iwsh there were more people in general that offered such chances like this one.
Go check it out. The only "fee" for entry is a little bit of your time, all for advertising.

I do so apologize to all for the random bout of half-silence. There are comittments here that I owe (art trades, community groups, etc) that I owe. In the coming days I will be working on them.

My plan is to have, each Friday evening (EST aka -5 GMT), a live streaming session dedicated to past due works and responsibilities.

Please understand, I am still getting my life back together. There are a lot of emotional scars still present, and a lot of my time is devoted to my kids, as my responsibilities as a (now single) parent are tremendous. Not having a partner in this, even with the support network I have around here, makes things a lot more difficult.

I have found that scheduling is vital to keeping my sanity. If I don't schedule art time for myself the depression gets bad. This then feeds in on itself, and makes it difficult to do ANYTHING.

So I'm taking this evil bull by it's horns and hopefully I find some grounding in doing that.

Any personal art done is likely for my "therapy", to put me into a better frame of mind. Sometimes if I feel an art block coming on I'll doodle for the sake of doodling!


My future goals are to generate enough cash for an in-hotel sitter for my kids so I can start attending cons as a speaker/dealer. I really enjoyed it at FAUnited. I'm hoping to get to Furfright, Anthrocon, FAUnited, (hopefully the Baltimore Con goes another year) etc.. Anything East-Coast that I can manage.

I need to find my "niche", that thing that makes me stand out from other artists. I'm not sure what it is... any ideas?


***

Keep a look out tonight on my livestream page! Around about 9:30 (pass it on!)
http://www.livestream.com/dreamofdragons

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4953662/

Check out the link! :)

As for me? I still need to fix my "home office" and get my stuff together. I have a lot to deal with still.. so I'm off the radar (you can find me on facebook mostly).

I'm looking to get back into the swing of things again, but need to beg patience with some people.

*sighs*

Also, what fur meets or group get together are local to me? Anyone? I can't go far unless someone wants to pick me up for a ride.

I'd be willing to host meets if folks wanted!

Oh My Word. My life got turned totally upside down.

I'm now a single parent.

My partner and father of my kids couldn't be bothered with me, and is now with another woman. Yes, technically I left him. I told him, to his face, "why should I stay if I'm not wanted?" And instead of saying anything at all, he walked away.

I tried to clarify why I left recently, (to him) because something he said tipped me off that his side of things wasn't entirely "accurate". So now I know what he's been telling his family and friends, and it's all twisted. This happens, I know, I know, I know. There is always more then one perspective to things - however I also know he tends to villain-ize those who have hurt him. I've watched him do it to mutual friends of ours that he was close to. I've heard what he's said about people he cares about who have seriously slighted him.

He said, that /I said/, I left because he was an abuser.

You see... there is a BIG difference between leaving because I felt and believed I was unwanted (a burden, a leech, etc), and leaving because someone was abusing me.

Now neglect is a form of emotional abuse. It happens more often to kids (sadly) - but it does happen to partners/spouses. I've called him out on this fact a couple of times PRIOR to me leaving. (This was my attempt at curtailing the problem, bringing it to the light, and pulling it out so that it could be fixed. )

So I can understand where the mix up might have happened. However..... No. I left because I believed he no longer loved me, and didn't want me there.


....

So now I'm single... with children.

Add to that he won't let me raise our son. He is not doing a terrible job at it, but he is still negligent. There is a roof over the kid's heads, sure. There is food in the kitchen, sure. He cooks dinner, sure. But my son has gone two months at times without bathing. His finger and toe nails looked ragged and unkempt. When I trimmed them he almost cried because the pink part had grown a little too far out.

I have been "MOM" 24/7/365 and even while working I kept up with the kids needs as best as I could (being the one doing about 90% of the work).

.....

I move into my gram's house to help take care of her with a 1 yr old in tow. Talk about rough! But I managed it!

Then my uncle, who was also living at my grams, goes flippy-nuts. He is in jail right now facing some serious charges.

My gram dies weeks later, under my care. I'm still not okay with that... the grief hits me at irregular periods and at random moments.

I'm lonely.

I find a job and loose it in less then 3 months.

I need money to pay bills I have and debts I owe.

....

My dad moves in. Him and his wife at at odds every now and again. That's their business, not mine. But I hear it from time to time and I can't have that sort of arguing around my kid(s).

His wife moved out at first to a different place (from his old place), and then asked to move in with us. She is not stable mentally, and doesn't quite have all her sandwiches in her picnic basket (to put it nicely). So my tolerance is pushed to it's max. She does have some trauma in her life that makes her paranoid, okay. I get that. But she accuses me of things I never do, have never done, and don't plan on doing. Just typing this here is a "violation" of her privacy in her mind.. god forbid if she sees it.

Sheesh.

...

So I'm back in South NJ, Salem County. Back home, and back to the drama once more. Oui....

Relationship status = tanked. He doesn't want anything to do with me and "doesn't know what his future holds" and such. He had said he wanted to try and work things out. Shows just how much I can't trust his words at all. Ah well. Maybe I can eventually find a therian/furr/horse person/farmer or something more aligned to the things I'm into now. Lord, another artist in my life would be awesome right now...

However, I moved to south NJ (Salem county) to help take care of my gram. That's gone astray. I know I keep being told it's not my fault, but as her caretaker.... Well, suffice to say she passed away two days ago. I'm helping her oldest (daughter), my Aunt Pat, to put pick up the pieces, sort through stuff, and such. It's so surreal. She's been an important part of my life for all of my life.

The house seems so foreign now.

The property needs to be sold, but who will own it is still up in the air. I don't have the equity, nor the credit rating. I had plans for a meadery, or something, but never got up the effort to put together a business plan (as I have no real idea how to put one together). So I don't know where I'm going to go from here. I don't know when I might be going, if I have to leave....

Lord, I miss her so much. Yet at the same time I'm numb. Shocked still, I think. Guilt-ridden even though I'm told it's not my fault. She was under my care, and I'm no CNA. There is so much to do, and every where I turn there is a memory.

So, let me tell you where I've been this past month plus.

The land of insanity. No seriously. My family is twisted and broken in so many ways. There are a few gems here and there, but no amount of kiddie-whine compares to the most royal screwed-up-ness of my family.

First, my personal relationship has tanked. I'm of the mind that it is done, he just won't openly admit to it or just say "we are done". He is also the type to say "well neither will you", to put it on my shoulders so HE doesn't look like the bad guy. Seriously. As we have kids together he's "trying" to be "big" about things. I don't think he's realized how badly things are broken here. But he will once I can get my hands on a lawyer.

I do NOT appreciate my basic emotional needs being ignored just because he doesn't have the time for me, or sees me as some kind of burden. I'm sorry if it requires me to WORK to be told "I love you" - that just doesn't swing in my book.

Secondly, my gram was being neglected by her son (my uncle) who is also a drug addict. Someone out of my family had to move in. No one else was "conveniently available." Just me and my broken relationship.... go figure. So now it's my 1 yr old, my gram, who is physically disabled enough that she is almost to the state of a physical 1 yr old (needs - like feeding her meals, washing her dishes, thank goodness medicare covers an at home nurse so she can be bathed - I'm afraid of hurting her).

My uncle WAS here, however he went on some kind of twisted drugged out trip, regressed to a point in his past where his family was being threatened (yes with death - from some drug lord who used to live in town), pulled a knife, and DEMANDED (with the "or else" clause spoken in his eyes - anyone with parents or facing an abuser KNOWS that look - it's unmistakable) that I call 911 "if you love my parents as much as I do". So goodness only knows, in his regressed overlay state of mind, WHO hw thought I was.

My son (6) and daughter (1) were with me watching tv at the time. So I grabbed the phone, called 911 like he yelled at me to, then bundled them up into the front room, and closed the door as a barrier, thanking the powers that be that he only had a chef's knife and NOT a gun. THEN I called 911 AGAIN and fully explained the scenario.

Suffice to say, he's in jail as he leaped from the house, knife in hand and at the ready. He nearly got shot.

I am still dealing with the emotional, physical, mental, and moronic repercussions of this. I OWE a good friend of mine money (I was supposed to have moved in with her and her family back in October. And now they are getting evicted - yes because I couldn't get them rent money).... UGH..

When it rains it pours.

Of course I'm an artistic NOBODY, and rarely has my pleas for help been heard. When they have - not enough of an interest. My art just doesn't compare to some of my (previous) peers as ,ost of my time has been devoted to my family and not my art. Urgh.

I'm so sick of it. It takes so much time and effort - and I have no one to help me be the artist I can be..... Nor the parent support I need from my kids' father. He thinks bringing in the money is all he needs to do. If I "need" him to do anything else (like ya know BE a parent) I have to ASK HIM FOR HELP. Every. Single. Time.

I needed my kids' father to be a father, and not go hide in his room and socialize online (ignoring me and the kids).

Add to that, he was put in charge of finances (I got tired of his stupid guilt tripping, and it backfired on me - he tried to turn me into a wage slave). - well he got his own account, and left my old one to rot. ONE OF HIS BILLS hit my account, tripped into the negatives (more the once) he never took care of his debt, and my account (two of three) were forced closed. My savings account will be next... and you know what banks do then? They freaking BLACKLIST YOU and it becomes almost impossible to get a new account open. Does he gets this? Nope, as it's never happened to him, and what comes out of my mouth, in his opinion, is bullshit and conjecture - not experience, not knowledge, not wisdom from learning from both my and others' mistakes - nope. He treats me like I don't know what I'm talking about - but doesn't bother asking, either, to verify it.

*sighs* ah but that's an entire, totally different tangent....

I need right now is to foot my friends something like 1k to help them move at the least (and pay what I socially/physically/financially owe then).

Fiverr has helped me with some pocket change (which gets invested back into making my gigs better - like buying stock images, and equipment, etc). But it doesn't generate fast enough. I wish I had a downloadable document or something I could share with people who'd buy it for five bucks or something... *sighs*

I do make headers, banners ads, and the like - but no one from my other networks are biting. Why? Most art artist's of their own and do their own adverts. I also do not have time to devote to a lot of things - and as it is I OWE posts to the d20 community and ART to other art swaps.

>.<

Hopefully things get settled here soon. I can't keep going like this. I'm close to burn out, and my normal outlet (art) is mostly cut off from me. So much so I'm a wee bit (ok a LOT) overly happy when I get a Fiverr Gig in that is graphics related! dear lord! Like xmas excited!

*sighs*

Some days I ponder if it's worth it to just be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and just not give a poop. The only thing right now that keeps me going is knowing I can't let my kid's dad have the kids to his own devices. I can't.

I mean seriously - the 13yr old in my little family now gone bust (his biological kid), just had her foundation ripped away from her (me) and went suicidal. Thank the powers that be I instilled in her the acceptance to go to the counselors at her school. Lord. She might be dead now. He father just doesn't understand (and is offended that he's not her foundation... and wonders what I did to her). *rolls eyes* He is offended... OFFENDED?!

ACK.. no I won't start that tangent. Enough is enough drama Llama! GO AWAY! For the love of all that is sacred, Give Me SOME PEACE!

Rotarr is an amazing artist by and far. She is also a house-fly-girl. AH-mazing!

So yeah, go check this link out: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4114867/
Follow the directions there.
And set yourself up for a potential surprise from "Santa"! XD