There will be no fanciful prose this time like my other journals.

I have decided that I will be spending time doing other hobbies and interests.

I am sorry if this is abrupt. I had planned to at least take things until the end of the year. I made my decision earlier in September. The time and energy I spend on this current hobby/community is not good for my mental health, especially when I do not gain any net positive from it. I am no longer able to cope as a result. I will be reaching out individually to say goodbye to some people on telegram.

Following this I will change my passwords and block my access to FA, F-list, and finally remove telegram/discord. If you have alternative means of contacting me, please do not. I am going outside in other words. I'll be fine. I'm looking forward to spending my time in different ways.

You cannot have Hazar in any way. As for my other characters, use them however you wish. (I know some of you lust for my snake without any care for the person playing the character.) They should be sorted in folders for easy use, have fun.

I am finally free and I'm going to spend my time doing other things online and offline.

Thank you.

Okay maybe the least of all things.

Cards! I thought I'd send these out before it is too late for me to do it again.

Would you like them once more in the mail? Let me know! Don't be shy if you haven't requested one before.

Well, wow. It has been a journey from August to today really. (Long rant ahead, skip to the question at the end if you don't want to read)

Last year I had started a new job I had hoped would have solved my problems. I did not want money, but a career where I could take a breath and focus on the things around me. The house purchase was messy and the seller (and my realtor) was an absolute snake (not the species) which added to a super stressful year. Getting furniture has been a challenge. So I really had hoped my job would calm down and get into the seasonal low I was told about.

Well then I was told there was no such thing. My job began increasing in its workload beyond what other staff had experienced, and being new I felt lost and unable to cope with the workload. I had to make the decision to opt back into my previous job without the feature that drove me crazy. At least the pay is the same and the overtime unlimited here, no more unpaid overtime for me. It was a hard decision, but I needed to sleep at night and I was not going to go through another experience where I was kept awake at night by panic attacks. I had a couple furry friends out of the blue tell me they were suicidal... which definitely hurt me as well. I had to take some time to myself to really get my things in order. And then I had a bud who I trusted that year, but earlier this year that friendship shattered and that was hard on me. Looking back... they were probably trying to use me for money. Which you know hurts.... but I'll get over it. The news about the convoy here really disturbed me, there is a growing disrespect for the rule of law here... and then another war in Europe made me feel tremendous guilt that such a thing was happening again, this time in my generation. I was not really able to take a leave until now, and taking more than a week off to deal with burnout has been a godsend. Now I can do paid overtime at least!

But to be honest with whoever reads this, part of me wonders if it is time to move on from this thing here. I feel distant from the people I knew as friends on the furry side of things... and I feel like talking to people has really changed over the past couple of years. I do not feel like I belong in this world. I keep ignoring Bumble and sometimes even texts from co-workers because I wanted to prioritize friends who were queer friendly and all that but... I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing. This isn't productive here, I feel like I am dealing with the mental health problems of others which is severe and in turn this is slowly strangling me. I did make promises to people to get art with their characters though, so perhaps I'll do that before going on a different path.


Rant over. Should I do something different than cards this summer? If so, what should I do?

The cards! I'm catching up today and I got a new set of greeting cards a month ago.

Who would like one?

It's that time, again. Oh no.

Oh yes.

If you want a greeting card in the mail please let me know! I've got many stamps.

A good goal, right? I forget who but someone recommended that I do that. Anywho, don't be shy about chatting with me and trying to be my buddy. I just endlessly small talk about things, so come and say hello :D.

2020 was a write-off as my work colleague use to say.

Here's to hoping 2021 is more than that. If anything, I'll do what I can to make it a good year. Cheers to that, my friends.

I have two cards left as spares, I was wondering what to do with them. Last call for them if anyone else wants them!

Also, maybe as something new, if anyone you know wants a card or you think it might be a nice little thing for a friend, let me know and I'll send it to them. I bought 100 dollars worth of stamps at Canada Post so I should be good xD.

What do you guys think, should I send out some cards for Chrimmy? Let me know if you'd be interested in receiving one :D.

I wanted to replace that older journal. I'll try not to be as cryptic in this one. This year has been rough, had to move somewhere new as my old landlord/roommate became a different person and was starting to say odd things and accused me of sabotage. Like, he said I was trying to sabotage him and antagonize him for reasons such as I left a bathroom cleaning spray on a cabinet. It was absolutely weird and I yeeted myself out of there and moved.


Then earlier this year I heard that I got accepted into pretty much a dream position/work centre at my office. Then Covid happened and well, I got stuck doing the work I dreaded the most, and then it even got worse as they assigned work even below that level that was just not really mentally healthy (along with the other work they have me do on alternating days). I'm still doing part of that work.

Finally, at the beginning of the year I got a job offer from an employer I can't mention. But it would help me settle down in life, buy a home, that sort of lame stuff. That was at the beginning of the year. One catch, I had to pass a security clearance. Guess what? It is still ongoing because they are having trouble contacting my former employer from five years ago.

But there are positives, I am secure. I'm enjoying my own place. And it is Canadian Thanksgiving! Woot! Almost to 2021, I can't wait for this year to be over.

2019 was a tough year, for me anyways.

I want 2020 to be different. I want it to be productive. I want to get those life goals done. I want to get in better shape in more than one way.

And to all my friends, thank you! Slowly and surely I am learning from my experiences.

May 2020 be an awesome year! (And may your enemies be conquered too!)

Happy New Year!

Remember dis? It is that randomly selected time of year where I send out my buddies a random card in the mail. By random I mean it'll have some random stickers. Let me know if you are interested!

I think good times might be ahead! How is everyone doing? Anything I should be doing or booping?

And when the sun shone brightly and the leaves emerged, I finally thought spring had wonderfully come.

I must be finally there I thought, my dream of warmth finally was coming true.

It felt cold again when I tried to embrace warmth.

And now I know it is always my fault, time and time again.

I must be winter itself. For that I am truly sorry.

No one will get that reference.

Anywho, I think I should spruce up my FA page. Change is good. Maybe reword things and such. Do you guys have any suggestions on wording and organizing? That's my top quest.

As for posting art as a suggestion? I dunno, I just faving it.

Should I put a list of my buddies up on the front? I am debating that but I dunno how I should order it.

Uhhhm, I can't think of anything else to say. I hope my buddies are doing well. And enjoying good weather too :D.

Today is a new day. I think we as humans have an amazing ability to say this and put what belongs in the past in the past. So I'm doing that, my gentledudes.

I'm not too sure if my journeys in the next month and year will be accompanied by any fellow companions as I go about my quests, but I'll still press on.



Tl;dr: Have a random gif that is actually a jpg but yes carry on -> http://i.imgur.com/DwWgZeH.jpg

Before the month ends! I'm not late am I?


I hope everyone had an awesome month and that the following month will be rad as heck my dudes.

Anyone into pawplay that's genuinely nice person that wants to be in art with me? Mooko might be dominating ya here. Comment fast.

You know, when you get a silly card in the mail from me. The usual suspects will get one of course, but I wanted to post this to gauge interest.

The sunlight is starting to return to it's true glory here. I need to find out what my next path in life is now.


I've made a lot of progress through a period where I wasn't feeling so well, so my goal now is to try to be chipper and try to catch up with everyone and give em some more meaningful responses. I should also get some more art.

Also, how is everyone doing?

...which I have decided to name Sword Spider after a buddy!

But yes, a tale I must tell. Canada Post decided to deliver my 1.5k worth of a PC on the same day as I had an interview, so I missed it of course. I went to Kingsway, walking 25 minutes in -20 weather to get a box. It was strangely light, and I was suppose to get only one box but had two delivery receipts for some reason. I asked if there was another box for me, and lo and behold there was none. Strange, but nevertheless I had walked all that way and had to walk back so I had no time to question.

So, I got home. Opened the box, and it was just a bunch of manuals. Huh, where's my PC? So I called Canada Post today and inquired that I should in fact have another box. They said they would call me back, which they did without leaving a message. So I called them again and they said they did have my box (funny how they had it after I asked the third time eh?)! Luckily today was -15 celcius only so I was able to walk to a bus there and then I did walk all the way back with that heavy box home.


Now I'm just letting the box defrost, and moving all my stuff into my USB (my old iPod classic) and then into my new gaming compoots! I hope it works when I turn it on, I'm excited to have a computer that won't crash because the memory is dying!

As some of you guys know, I like to send out cards in the mail. I know I've told a couple people that I'll send you cards and stuff, I've got those ready to mail.

But for others I may have not approached you yet, so I'm wondering if anyone would like a Christmas card?

I have returned, my internet is secured for the moment and my furniture shall arrive shortly to supply my battle station.

Now, what is your command?

"...find someone quite like you again."


I'm getting ready to move over today and tomorrow. I will likely not have internet for a while after these two days, but will have data through my phone. Just wanted to let peeps know.

Yet again I am moving, but isn't it funny that things are not coming full circle. It seems like that my life has spiraled outwards, but the lines are so close together. I have no idea whether this expansion is a good thing or a bad thing. Only time will tell I suppose.


Also, sup?