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the AI
Posted 12 years agothe artificial intelligence, icon of my first fa account and villain, if there is such a thing, of Albion, the PC game linking space oddissey and avatar. you can see it between 1:00 and 1:02 of this on yt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nR6.....4Z&index=6
I made the icon myself because the pure black and red just drives the point home better. making the bridge a bit more appearant how encompassing the representation is. coming a long way from there in, I trained to feel other people`s fears and black and red are -the- narcissistic colours (I think I learned the red/white conglomerate from glados, striking pictures). sooo. part of that is getting a feel of manias, panics, existential things, seductions, such things and. I never really bought the way the new energy agenda in germany is being carried out, and a point for me was this, all out pretentious blinking pattern of the wind mills. a huge park of rotors, or several side by side, on the way towards the horizon, with red lights on top. blinking pretentuosly. the pattern was psychologically efficient. I built a half life (pc game) mission once with red eyes like that being the first thing you see. to be actually "diverted", getting a feel of the works as in all of these feels- this red lights in black phobia was my own doing and the effect didnt really suprise me but how it became the most moving of all them impulses drove a few points home for me.
way back then, I only decided to get another avatar when I noticed I actually find a bad guy cool and started to think about how I could do such a thing.
it always seemed central to me how in what could be called a furry game I opted for the least romantic option. the machine mimicing the most exploitive humans. I never opted to dodge obligation, but that simply has nothing to do with feelings being bothersome often enough and theres been said enough how misleading they are often, and that feelings are far from naturally right. analytics, interpretations etc can be completely off, and everything footing on it hence. all this helped me a lot to get things, especially my (I love the wording) psychological heritage. as they say, an important part towards undoing your parents mistakes and forgiving them, individualizing.
villains are an interesting aspect of art. in movies, poems, musings,... they are examples of mere definition of problems, and these problems can be analyzed, interpreted, cultivated (etc -- further list of logical functions) in creative or destructive ways, far earlier I woudlve said theoretical or practical but thats off. a mathematical problem never had anything to do with moaning, shaking, or sighing. that was my point back then. " "is" vs "should" = "must" "; practice incorporated by theory. sanity, reason. creativity and destructivity (narcistically the former is discipline and the latter joy(letting go, relaxation, narcissism and joy as in flow and the like is as rare as fleeting) both foot on a certain amount of clearity, thats where people find together I think. this avatar of "the AI" might be the earliest notion of this kind I had and thats how I still keep this icon in high regard.
I made the icon myself because the pure black and red just drives the point home better. making the bridge a bit more appearant how encompassing the representation is. coming a long way from there in, I trained to feel other people`s fears and black and red are -the- narcissistic colours (I think I learned the red/white conglomerate from glados, striking pictures). sooo. part of that is getting a feel of manias, panics, existential things, seductions, such things and. I never really bought the way the new energy agenda in germany is being carried out, and a point for me was this, all out pretentious blinking pattern of the wind mills. a huge park of rotors, or several side by side, on the way towards the horizon, with red lights on top. blinking pretentuosly. the pattern was psychologically efficient. I built a half life (pc game) mission once with red eyes like that being the first thing you see. to be actually "diverted", getting a feel of the works as in all of these feels- this red lights in black phobia was my own doing and the effect didnt really suprise me but how it became the most moving of all them impulses drove a few points home for me.
way back then, I only decided to get another avatar when I noticed I actually find a bad guy cool and started to think about how I could do such a thing.
it always seemed central to me how in what could be called a furry game I opted for the least romantic option. the machine mimicing the most exploitive humans. I never opted to dodge obligation, but that simply has nothing to do with feelings being bothersome often enough and theres been said enough how misleading they are often, and that feelings are far from naturally right. analytics, interpretations etc can be completely off, and everything footing on it hence. all this helped me a lot to get things, especially my (I love the wording) psychological heritage. as they say, an important part towards undoing your parents mistakes and forgiving them, individualizing.
villains are an interesting aspect of art. in movies, poems, musings,... they are examples of mere definition of problems, and these problems can be analyzed, interpreted, cultivated (etc -- further list of logical functions) in creative or destructive ways, far earlier I woudlve said theoretical or practical but thats off. a mathematical problem never had anything to do with moaning, shaking, or sighing. that was my point back then. " "is" vs "should" = "must" "; practice incorporated by theory. sanity, reason. creativity and destructivity (narcistically the former is discipline and the latter joy(letting go, relaxation, narcissism and joy as in flow and the like is as rare as fleeting) both foot on a certain amount of clearity, thats where people find together I think. this avatar of "the AI" might be the earliest notion of this kind I had and thats how I still keep this icon in high regard.
bad sleep?
Posted 12 years agoI kinda didnt think Id ever do this but I keep hearing from people who cant sleep around here.
Ill run in the door right away! if you dont sleep you dont wanna. Ill blame it all on the unconscious, and if you cant sleep, unconscious is you. but that can be worded easier. if you cant let go. which is wrongly worded. you dont wanna. here is it: you cant sleep whenever youre intuitively (=completely="private truth") convinced that you dont have the time.
lesson 1: thats already paradox. if you never have time to sleep.. do I have to finnish the sentence? life is completely over if that is true, so if you dont consider that it just might be wrong, you should check your wishes of life. yes. lesson one is that bad sleep is about more than a room with bad air. the consciousness is only in the physical world and if it doesnt make room for the subcon, or simply "rest", its going to stay there.
as far as I go theres everything said here. of course you may not be too awake. excited, slept out, .. tho thats not carved in stone neither.
the problem is that people push themselves, and they fall back into automatisms, which is far more efficient, since its less conscious, and its not that you forget whats the problem, the problem is that you dont document "inner decisions", critical, meaningful, etc perceptions about your organization and how it translates to immediate sleeping choices (among other things exclemation mark). you dont keep track of the reasons of your stress remotely as well when you get unconscious. (subconscious is NOT unconscious!) getting it together would help most people, obviously, but thats just the next thing.
it all stands and falls if youre willing to "elaborate" on the idea that unconscious acting is a last resort, and desperate. and middle term-y upwards basically betrays yourself. I dont like to use wordings like that but it seems good enough here: your future feeding from itself. wanted or not. fault or not. its really not about "you", but general inner workings. its not social, that doesnt apply, if at all it comes later. I dont even feel comfy calling something that mechanic psychology. it burns bridges to analytics (~seeing) and interpretations (~thinking) because those functions get bereft of their data. its like keeping a bit predatory in format, but getting the content out. is that called mental? your consciousness is pure will at that point. no guidiance. you pay "now efficiency" with overview, which consequently kills the "then efficiency". independence. only resistance remains. if you wait for life to allow you to sleep.. right? you may not take anything seriously at all I think, then. sorry, the contrary is worth dieing for (cus thats life, sorry, I had to xD). or living for, whichever. I dont have to play paintball the whole day; revel in excess access to beautiful arts of -whatever- sorts (I prefer dynamic things, I love studying virology or adhered metaphors i.e. - one examples of these metaphors would be comparing a growing life to a plant, etc, if you make one picture of a huge building ground everyday for three years and do a movie with like 7 pictures per second, such things) but only watching tv? or some might go the other way and go workaholic. or never even -stop- asking anymore what the target group wants. like a pop tv station. suicide! call it healthy cynicism, but that sounds boring on a visceral level to me and beside the point to me already "right there". healthy masochism gets closer. I prefer a teethy grin if life really is that stressful but at this point I might be rambling because Im in the middle of stopping to believe in stress anyway, only one reason for that is that without even the self defense mechanism that is officially ("experts agree") the most cultivated, culture itself wouldnt exist. no poesis. one might be inclined to point fingers for me to getting my heads in the clouds by this point. well, I just said why I dont but for dipülomacie`s sake let me word it more groundy then. healthy holidays have to be work, if its all relaxation, its a symptom.
oh right. Im by no means a certified professional so please forgive me for having forgotten, that probably should come somewhere at the start but this is only supposed to inspire anyway, not to be an all finnishing solution. middle term solutions as long as you dont know how to reintegrate your unconscious into either sub- or consciousness (subcon is basically conscioussness you are completely convinced by, the good old second nature, common sense, etc).
I think temporal imbalances are actually healthy, opening the horizon, etc ->
but when you start feeding from your own essence its when its getting bad, and even that has to be put into relation with what the gain would be (as in, how much of a bad ass are you -> investments,..)
I think my point is you cant push your limits ad hoc. only your rhythm does; you grow into it. intuition relies on scanning new situations a bit, requires a bit of repetition at least, and appearantly that gets nodded off by consciousness (letting go again? mmh. sounds more like mere trust in your own head). some do a lot faster than others (intelligence = competence of rule; imagination = competence of patterns, etc?), but that doesnt change the principle. if you can fight your limits with pure will (immediately, by decision), whatever you are controlling there (thats where its getting exciting for me) just isnt a limit. I mean at first glance that phrase seems to highten some eyebrows but doesnt it make utter sense?
by now will smith said a few very apt words about tradmills (like two five min vids on yt). you dont have to be a hero, just a bit heroic ;3 people make it seem like something new, but it never was. dont dwell. I always say if nothing else helps use mantras. (if you make a project of it Id prefer perspective to faith)
note to self:
narcissism pulls down (subby = unconscious plus there is no pure dom),
individuality grounds,
intuition pulls up
you are none of that (I still dont get it, once you identify with anything physical school psychology starts to apply, but not before) (meta-I)
Ill run in the door right away! if you dont sleep you dont wanna. Ill blame it all on the unconscious, and if you cant sleep, unconscious is you. but that can be worded easier. if you cant let go. which is wrongly worded. you dont wanna. here is it: you cant sleep whenever youre intuitively (=completely="private truth") convinced that you dont have the time.
lesson 1: thats already paradox. if you never have time to sleep.. do I have to finnish the sentence? life is completely over if that is true, so if you dont consider that it just might be wrong, you should check your wishes of life. yes. lesson one is that bad sleep is about more than a room with bad air. the consciousness is only in the physical world and if it doesnt make room for the subcon, or simply "rest", its going to stay there.
as far as I go theres everything said here. of course you may not be too awake. excited, slept out, .. tho thats not carved in stone neither.
the problem is that people push themselves, and they fall back into automatisms, which is far more efficient, since its less conscious, and its not that you forget whats the problem, the problem is that you dont document "inner decisions", critical, meaningful, etc perceptions about your organization and how it translates to immediate sleeping choices (among other things exclemation mark). you dont keep track of the reasons of your stress remotely as well when you get unconscious. (subconscious is NOT unconscious!) getting it together would help most people, obviously, but thats just the next thing.
it all stands and falls if youre willing to "elaborate" on the idea that unconscious acting is a last resort, and desperate. and middle term-y upwards basically betrays yourself. I dont like to use wordings like that but it seems good enough here: your future feeding from itself. wanted or not. fault or not. its really not about "you", but general inner workings. its not social, that doesnt apply, if at all it comes later. I dont even feel comfy calling something that mechanic psychology. it burns bridges to analytics (~seeing) and interpretations (~thinking) because those functions get bereft of their data. its like keeping a bit predatory in format, but getting the content out. is that called mental? your consciousness is pure will at that point. no guidiance. you pay "now efficiency" with overview, which consequently kills the "then efficiency". independence. only resistance remains. if you wait for life to allow you to sleep.. right? you may not take anything seriously at all I think, then. sorry, the contrary is worth dieing for (cus thats life, sorry, I had to xD). or living for, whichever. I dont have to play paintball the whole day; revel in excess access to beautiful arts of -whatever- sorts (I prefer dynamic things, I love studying virology or adhered metaphors i.e. - one examples of these metaphors would be comparing a growing life to a plant, etc, if you make one picture of a huge building ground everyday for three years and do a movie with like 7 pictures per second, such things) but only watching tv? or some might go the other way and go workaholic. or never even -stop- asking anymore what the target group wants. like a pop tv station. suicide! call it healthy cynicism, but that sounds boring on a visceral level to me and beside the point to me already "right there". healthy masochism gets closer. I prefer a teethy grin if life really is that stressful but at this point I might be rambling because Im in the middle of stopping to believe in stress anyway, only one reason for that is that without even the self defense mechanism that is officially ("experts agree") the most cultivated, culture itself wouldnt exist. no poesis. one might be inclined to point fingers for me to getting my heads in the clouds by this point. well, I just said why I dont but for dipülomacie`s sake let me word it more groundy then. healthy holidays have to be work, if its all relaxation, its a symptom.
oh right. Im by no means a certified professional so please forgive me for having forgotten, that probably should come somewhere at the start but this is only supposed to inspire anyway, not to be an all finnishing solution. middle term solutions as long as you dont know how to reintegrate your unconscious into either sub- or consciousness (subcon is basically conscioussness you are completely convinced by, the good old second nature, common sense, etc).
I think temporal imbalances are actually healthy, opening the horizon, etc ->
but when you start feeding from your own essence its when its getting bad, and even that has to be put into relation with what the gain would be (as in, how much of a bad ass are you -> investments,..)
I think my point is you cant push your limits ad hoc. only your rhythm does; you grow into it. intuition relies on scanning new situations a bit, requires a bit of repetition at least, and appearantly that gets nodded off by consciousness (letting go again? mmh. sounds more like mere trust in your own head). some do a lot faster than others (intelligence = competence of rule; imagination = competence of patterns, etc?), but that doesnt change the principle. if you can fight your limits with pure will (immediately, by decision), whatever you are controlling there (thats where its getting exciting for me) just isnt a limit. I mean at first glance that phrase seems to highten some eyebrows but doesnt it make utter sense?
by now will smith said a few very apt words about tradmills (like two five min vids on yt). you dont have to be a hero, just a bit heroic ;3 people make it seem like something new, but it never was. dont dwell. I always say if nothing else helps use mantras. (if you make a project of it Id prefer perspective to faith)
note to self:
narcissism pulls down (subby = unconscious plus there is no pure dom),
individuality grounds,
intuition pulls up
you are none of that (I still dont get it, once you identify with anything physical school psychology starts to apply, but not before) (meta-I)
creepy
Posted 12 years agofinally ! finally Ive (roughly) pinned creepy.
probably sounds pretty similar to some texts about humor, since thats kinda the contrary. hopefully Ill find something good about this, it probably is somewhere amongst my things :.
I found this http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6582077/
and since I dont have a good feeling yet about waves these things make, Ill just put my thoughts in a journal since these had to end up here anyway:
Ive just watched happy feet 2 under pressure. Now Ive read this, Im lost in "the zone" xD
"what is this? ["dancing"]"
"Maybe it is a temporal escape from the existential pain of existence"
this seems a gentle nudge towards a subject that is, for itself, quite rude.
I first thought of the blue core person from portal two ("Id do it all different") and how when everybody went crazy Id break out the rubber boat (happy to use the bonanza airpump once again) and an ice cold six pack. Id get the impulse to take a cigar along and throw it away after the first whiff but leave it because it seems so pretentious, so serious, that it frankly would be exactly what I wouldnt want then.
but then I looked up that lick music thing. I dont know of which two seconds of the intro (I guess?) of seinfeld you speak (probably because Im culturally sensitive like an oil rig near a pole =p) aaaaand then the "two" seconds took me to glados between portal 1 and 2 (last two seconds of her kill for x years (or was it 2 minutes?)). didnt make her go crazy neither. or at least not more. thats my point x)
Ive been forced to hear the same thing short and long over and over, a few times. and I think everybody experiences unwanted constant repetitions. I think its a, technically, easy question of focus-- of where you want it- yourself. what you wanna be part of and what you want to be part of you, future too, etc. if you play your cards right which youve been dealt, or if you ride the waves you catch. (both?)
what that has to do with this eery feeling might have something to do as well, with a theory of mine why the end battle sound of giygas (mother 2/ earthbound) sounds so off,eery,creepy,whathaveyou. even whether something is music or not seems a decision in a way. I felt like the impulse to see these chaotic things as a pattern, order, a sequences, as music, was exactly what I wouldnt want in my mind, "subconsciously" or not. Im not sure if this view of it being "music" puts me into some certain antagonization of my intuition with itself, just on another level. and my mind having to watch, me having to watch my inner world obviously conflicting and not being too sure of the how and why, certainly not being used to it feeling something that seems a naturally existentially-confusing thing in that intensity. seems like I subconsciously see order where there is none. can I rule out that I didnt notice a rather strange addiction springing to life deep inside? that I catched a big? ...or a virus?
the feeling seems like a condensed "I am not home". and once youre conscious of that it gets louder. at that point youre already trained to get aware of that too...
maybe that feeling is when integration, a "mirror" fix of dissoziation drives you right over the "mirror`s edge" in one blow. because it requires realizing which "reality" footed on this inner disorder/unclearity of the broken mirror and leaving it behind in part. the realization of romance having become escapism, somewhere along the way; that there is far more disorder than pleasant, "too much". and going the next step, the why, that its my choice. -has been- my choice. can I go back? like, contrary to what happened to neo`s and trinity`s ship when they saw the sun for a moment. with your fingers on the steering wheel. just only on a subcon level, hence just a feeling nibbling away on you, nibbling to break through and get at your neck of conscious. maybe Im not convinced Im a flexible enough driver? because only then I could go back, which I so dearly would have to- to actually start getting forward for real again.
I think the fun in this is, (borderline) subcon as well, being well aware of the distance to the situation. the awareness of the freedom to turn away on the spot and keep your eyes closed. I imagine cynics, on the other side, turn away away from the entire issue, with or without a grunt of annoyed boredom and false elitism. and both ways seem extremely, "only forward". wouldnt that be tending to that addiction/virus?
I remain me. dangers are challenges, everything is possible, its never too late, dont take yourself too seriously, but bigger things all the more, the works. if that really seems neccessary, you can tune everything out. and if you really cant for some reason (the usual suspect is prolly "during the meantime" I guess, probably when you have to be able to do it the most) if you cant tune something out, maybe you gotta find some pattern that harmonizes and tune something in? as a vent? I suddenly imagine a planet most capable with beatboxing, drumsticks and so forth. thats an interesting idea, I grin. if that "virus" is only two seconds, people should get a lot of tact about their own rhythm, thered only be like, maybe, ten to thirty types. one could make cities of these rhythms. starting with friendships, all small.
it would be a forced harmony. it doesnt seem different from here and now. just that the loudness would have to be ordered in order not to loose it over this thing, virus or not. it would be louder, but more ordered. maybe it would be much calmer because of that alone. and then, maybe all thats left is just somebody has to get a good idea that changes everything, so that everybody can be silent and just listen to that one guy playing the flute a block down the road like in the mezga family (or adolar in german), theres a episode called "musikanten" in german (youtube, didnt find any in english) at which`s ending the musicians who rebelled against the noisers, that a true musician strongly respects the silence and pauses.
to finnish the thought!
I think this feeling is a blessing. this story a gentle, maybe even caring, nudge, even if just, coldly, but all the more trustworthy, loyal to a principle. it points towards a subject which is all the more rude, as the picture of this video shows in the same maner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KdXzNTS_jM#t=184
gentle, because the freedom to turn back remains. you can choose your own speed to touch it.
to me this is also a reminder that everybody should, may, and can be happy that there are refuges left,
hence, that they are always increasing in some places.
but far more
the nudge made me think about how shamelessly seductive this rudeness is. to let fear and cynicism have their way. to forget all about calm. loosing your head. loosing yourself in the bad sense. forgetting yourself. (the connection with repetition and a lack of countered intuition did it for me.)
a reminder to love yourself, consequentially the you in everybody. (a rational approach: maintaining tabula rasa.) to look forward, keep sowing.
(P.S., casual note, I guess I collect creepy things. Im not talking of skulls and the like tho. from that stance, my collection, in this case, would simply be some thoughts about what makes one person willingly get infected by aids to take revenge on society or their parents and whatnot. rather stuff like the last second of this:
- the song beast from neon genesis evangelion would be a mild example (beast 2.0 is a little rougher but Im not sure if its a bit pretentious too)
- or even more, the end sound of giygas from earthbound.
- that brain dead face models do. I recently saw it in a slushie commercial from mcD´s. eyes stare, kissy mouth, but edges droop like theyve just been shoot point blank.
- after Ive played max payne the theme seemed like a meta spoiler, the "exclamation mark" to it all. but thats only a living and breathing example (if one feels it, which I guess happens if you liked the game and listen to the sound then) of that seduction.
probably sounds pretty similar to some texts about humor, since thats kinda the contrary. hopefully Ill find something good about this, it probably is somewhere amongst my things :.
I found this http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6582077/
and since I dont have a good feeling yet about waves these things make, Ill just put my thoughts in a journal since these had to end up here anyway:
Ive just watched happy feet 2 under pressure. Now Ive read this, Im lost in "the zone" xD
"what is this? ["dancing"]"
"Maybe it is a temporal escape from the existential pain of existence"
this seems a gentle nudge towards a subject that is, for itself, quite rude.
I first thought of the blue core person from portal two ("Id do it all different") and how when everybody went crazy Id break out the rubber boat (happy to use the bonanza airpump once again) and an ice cold six pack. Id get the impulse to take a cigar along and throw it away after the first whiff but leave it because it seems so pretentious, so serious, that it frankly would be exactly what I wouldnt want then.
but then I looked up that lick music thing. I dont know of which two seconds of the intro (I guess?) of seinfeld you speak (probably because Im culturally sensitive like an oil rig near a pole =p) aaaaand then the "two" seconds took me to glados between portal 1 and 2 (last two seconds of her kill for x years (or was it 2 minutes?)). didnt make her go crazy neither. or at least not more. thats my point x)
Ive been forced to hear the same thing short and long over and over, a few times. and I think everybody experiences unwanted constant repetitions. I think its a, technically, easy question of focus-- of where you want it- yourself. what you wanna be part of and what you want to be part of you, future too, etc. if you play your cards right which youve been dealt, or if you ride the waves you catch. (both?)
what that has to do with this eery feeling might have something to do as well, with a theory of mine why the end battle sound of giygas (mother 2/ earthbound) sounds so off,eery,creepy,whathaveyou. even whether something is music or not seems a decision in a way. I felt like the impulse to see these chaotic things as a pattern, order, a sequences, as music, was exactly what I wouldnt want in my mind, "subconsciously" or not. Im not sure if this view of it being "music" puts me into some certain antagonization of my intuition with itself, just on another level. and my mind having to watch, me having to watch my inner world obviously conflicting and not being too sure of the how and why, certainly not being used to it feeling something that seems a naturally existentially-confusing thing in that intensity. seems like I subconsciously see order where there is none. can I rule out that I didnt notice a rather strange addiction springing to life deep inside? that I catched a big? ...or a virus?
the feeling seems like a condensed "I am not home". and once youre conscious of that it gets louder. at that point youre already trained to get aware of that too...
maybe that feeling is when integration, a "mirror" fix of dissoziation drives you right over the "mirror`s edge" in one blow. because it requires realizing which "reality" footed on this inner disorder/unclearity of the broken mirror and leaving it behind in part. the realization of romance having become escapism, somewhere along the way; that there is far more disorder than pleasant, "too much". and going the next step, the why, that its my choice. -has been- my choice. can I go back? like, contrary to what happened to neo`s and trinity`s ship when they saw the sun for a moment. with your fingers on the steering wheel. just only on a subcon level, hence just a feeling nibbling away on you, nibbling to break through and get at your neck of conscious. maybe Im not convinced Im a flexible enough driver? because only then I could go back, which I so dearly would have to- to actually start getting forward for real again.
I think the fun in this is, (borderline) subcon as well, being well aware of the distance to the situation. the awareness of the freedom to turn away on the spot and keep your eyes closed. I imagine cynics, on the other side, turn away away from the entire issue, with or without a grunt of annoyed boredom and false elitism. and both ways seem extremely, "only forward". wouldnt that be tending to that addiction/virus?
I remain me. dangers are challenges, everything is possible, its never too late, dont take yourself too seriously, but bigger things all the more, the works. if that really seems neccessary, you can tune everything out. and if you really cant for some reason (the usual suspect is prolly "during the meantime" I guess, probably when you have to be able to do it the most) if you cant tune something out, maybe you gotta find some pattern that harmonizes and tune something in? as a vent? I suddenly imagine a planet most capable with beatboxing, drumsticks and so forth. thats an interesting idea, I grin. if that "virus" is only two seconds, people should get a lot of tact about their own rhythm, thered only be like, maybe, ten to thirty types. one could make cities of these rhythms. starting with friendships, all small.
it would be a forced harmony. it doesnt seem different from here and now. just that the loudness would have to be ordered in order not to loose it over this thing, virus or not. it would be louder, but more ordered. maybe it would be much calmer because of that alone. and then, maybe all thats left is just somebody has to get a good idea that changes everything, so that everybody can be silent and just listen to that one guy playing the flute a block down the road like in the mezga family (or adolar in german), theres a episode called "musikanten" in german (youtube, didnt find any in english) at which`s ending the musicians who rebelled against the noisers, that a true musician strongly respects the silence and pauses.
to finnish the thought!
I think this feeling is a blessing. this story a gentle, maybe even caring, nudge, even if just, coldly, but all the more trustworthy, loyal to a principle. it points towards a subject which is all the more rude, as the picture of this video shows in the same maner: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KdXzNTS_jM#t=184
gentle, because the freedom to turn back remains. you can choose your own speed to touch it.
to me this is also a reminder that everybody should, may, and can be happy that there are refuges left,
hence, that they are always increasing in some places.
but far more
the nudge made me think about how shamelessly seductive this rudeness is. to let fear and cynicism have their way. to forget all about calm. loosing your head. loosing yourself in the bad sense. forgetting yourself. (the connection with repetition and a lack of countered intuition did it for me.)
a reminder to love yourself, consequentially the you in everybody. (a rational approach: maintaining tabula rasa.) to look forward, keep sowing.
(P.S., casual note, I guess I collect creepy things. Im not talking of skulls and the like tho. from that stance, my collection, in this case, would simply be some thoughts about what makes one person willingly get infected by aids to take revenge on society or their parents and whatnot. rather stuff like the last second of this:
- the song beast from neon genesis evangelion would be a mild example (beast 2.0 is a little rougher but Im not sure if its a bit pretentious too)
- or even more, the end sound of giygas from earthbound.
- that brain dead face models do. I recently saw it in a slushie commercial from mcD´s. eyes stare, kissy mouth, but edges droop like theyve just been shoot point blank.
- after Ive played max payne the theme seemed like a meta spoiler, the "exclamation mark" to it all. but thats only a living and breathing example (if one feels it, which I guess happens if you liked the game and listen to the sound then) of that seduction.
quotes
Posted 12 years agoI have these little 4x4 cm books and I always liked them better than many books without humor (thats code tho), and this chapter seemed rather well to put things in perspective rather fluently once Im a bit too passionate about things.
there are a few hickups with the translation, like, human, person, man, people, thats kinda difficult because "human" sounds rather off in english, and "der mensch" sounds "normally neat" in german. thats probably a problem. it seems less pompous in german. Id say its maybe even a bit casual.
1 when a few people are quite comfortable with each other, one can be sure that they are mistaken - Goethe
2 humans are good, just people are bad - Erich Kästner
3 we love persons who unintrusively give, and take uncoyly - Freya stark
4 few people can say "I am". they seek themselves in the past and see themselves in the future - George Braque
5 personalities are not created through nice speeches, but work and achievement - Einstein
6 bearing company to good people is the best way to become one - Cervantes
7 the affinity to think highly of little things produced much good - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
8 man is the only being able to get red- and needing it too - Mark Twain
9 elegance reprimands itself - usuality others - konfuzius
10 take[accept] people how they are, there are no others - Konrad Adenauer
11 the true job of a man is coming to yourself - Hermann Hesse
12 man, there dwell two souls in your chest! dont strive choosing since have both you must - Berthold Brecht
13 a person without mistakes isnt complete - Lfred Polgar
14 being born is easy, becoming human not - chinese wisdom
15 getting to know each other is embracing foreignity - Christian Morgenstern
there was another saying about how you cant break a free ghost from Einstein but I share his passion and by now I go with the notion that its a bit too far out. Im not sure whether it was tesla who told Einstein in public thats not a scientist`s job to tell god how to run the universe, but it happened, and I guess thats a "nuff said" about upsession.
I did a few comments on this and when I started having fun my lappy hung up. "okay I get it" xD
and just to be sure, I dont like them all, but the "bad ones" seems to fit rather well to.. remind me of.. mistakes. examples for example. rhetorics, to show things, or "wisdom" to just calm myself, or others, the likes. if you lead heated minds ad absurdum thats a great way to make them stop and restart being curious (doubt, including doubting your ideology, thats almost empathy, but in any case its doubting your anger - all starts with curiosity, and anger kills it) so it also makes for a neat automatism.
notes to self !
this is relatively straight to the heart.
1 horror is well explained with the chakras; trust is often completely ignored by rationalism
3 what is loyalty
4 what is intuition
5 heartlessness is the way of the worrior. against oneself tho. these quotes are in public, that seems s o abusive. I dont have the solution yet tho. it must have something to do with "strong must love weak; weak must understand strong.
7 and bad. whats meant is probably just passionate abstract thinking, beware of rationalism.
8 in cloud atlas a prayer was heartily using a chance. if you choose to be happy you embrace risks. imagine how cathartic it could be to just drop the walls, if the entire group cares for feelings of the individual. I keep thinking of avatar, tho "even" the navi felt eccentric. Avatar`s origin Albion on the other hand was rather naive, so I keep wondering.
9 heartless
10 differing from that is basically fighting nature. are you god? you know what you feel like when this makes you angry, you wanna be god then. narcissistic! thats the diagnose.
12 criminalizing evil is just too easy, because it has no place to banish to. and thats still heartless.
13 you gotta know mistakes to know them in others (thought processes, awareness, intention,..). empathy.
14 you dont get born with efar tho.
15 individuality (vs narcissism) and here rationalism is still a thread. still trying to cobb spirituality for the good wisdoms burried below the religion.
there are a few hickups with the translation, like, human, person, man, people, thats kinda difficult because "human" sounds rather off in english, and "der mensch" sounds "normally neat" in german. thats probably a problem. it seems less pompous in german. Id say its maybe even a bit casual.
1 when a few people are quite comfortable with each other, one can be sure that they are mistaken - Goethe
2 humans are good, just people are bad - Erich Kästner
3 we love persons who unintrusively give, and take uncoyly - Freya stark
4 few people can say "I am". they seek themselves in the past and see themselves in the future - George Braque
5 personalities are not created through nice speeches, but work and achievement - Einstein
6 bearing company to good people is the best way to become one - Cervantes
7 the affinity to think highly of little things produced much good - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
8 man is the only being able to get red- and needing it too - Mark Twain
9 elegance reprimands itself - usuality others - konfuzius
10 take[accept] people how they are, there are no others - Konrad Adenauer
11 the true job of a man is coming to yourself - Hermann Hesse
12 man, there dwell two souls in your chest! dont strive choosing since have both you must - Berthold Brecht
13 a person without mistakes isnt complete - Lfred Polgar
14 being born is easy, becoming human not - chinese wisdom
15 getting to know each other is embracing foreignity - Christian Morgenstern
there was another saying about how you cant break a free ghost from Einstein but I share his passion and by now I go with the notion that its a bit too far out. Im not sure whether it was tesla who told Einstein in public thats not a scientist`s job to tell god how to run the universe, but it happened, and I guess thats a "nuff said" about upsession.
I did a few comments on this and when I started having fun my lappy hung up. "okay I get it" xD
and just to be sure, I dont like them all, but the "bad ones" seems to fit rather well to.. remind me of.. mistakes. examples for example. rhetorics, to show things, or "wisdom" to just calm myself, or others, the likes. if you lead heated minds ad absurdum thats a great way to make them stop and restart being curious (doubt, including doubting your ideology, thats almost empathy, but in any case its doubting your anger - all starts with curiosity, and anger kills it) so it also makes for a neat automatism.
notes to self !
this is relatively straight to the heart.
1 horror is well explained with the chakras; trust is often completely ignored by rationalism
3 what is loyalty
4 what is intuition
5 heartlessness is the way of the worrior. against oneself tho. these quotes are in public, that seems s o abusive. I dont have the solution yet tho. it must have something to do with "strong must love weak; weak must understand strong.
7 and bad. whats meant is probably just passionate abstract thinking, beware of rationalism.
8 in cloud atlas a prayer was heartily using a chance. if you choose to be happy you embrace risks. imagine how cathartic it could be to just drop the walls, if the entire group cares for feelings of the individual. I keep thinking of avatar, tho "even" the navi felt eccentric. Avatar`s origin Albion on the other hand was rather naive, so I keep wondering.
9 heartless
10 differing from that is basically fighting nature. are you god? you know what you feel like when this makes you angry, you wanna be god then. narcissistic! thats the diagnose.
12 criminalizing evil is just too easy, because it has no place to banish to. and thats still heartless.
13 you gotta know mistakes to know them in others (thought processes, awareness, intention,..). empathy.
14 you dont get born with efar tho.
15 individuality (vs narcissism) and here rationalism is still a thread. still trying to cobb spirituality for the good wisdoms burried below the religion.
human condition?
Posted 12 years agowouldnt that be neat! I think that goes in the direction of cognitive functions. at least this gives some categories to sort emotions, impulses, intuitions etc out in a way I like without running bunches of doors in immediately. only a little ahem.
Ive been working on my furries xtreme profile strictly asking for roleplays and while musing about coming too close to wrong-turned-heart shaped tail ends anyway I stumbled about this thing again (some notes on a book cover), and since its really been getting time that it goes anywhere after the connection drawn to fx it feels right at home here. it reminds me on what Id imagine having a pet dragon would be like. thats a neat metaphor. and a neat thought! even neater is that I still dont divert!
1
ethos
vigor
logos
pathos
hybris
interest
gusto
2
sympathy
antipathy
thanatos
eros
libido
3 edit:
desire
passion
lust
hunger
muse
4 edit
love flow rapture ..
5 e
clueless freakout
bws: interest / ubws: o attraction; -,_,+ sympathy; sk con
whorship' bws? => ' love
S
poesis/theatralik
Ive been working on my furries xtreme profile strictly asking for roleplays and while musing about coming too close to wrong-turned-heart shaped tail ends anyway I stumbled about this thing again (some notes on a book cover), and since its really been getting time that it goes anywhere after the connection drawn to fx it feels right at home here. it reminds me on what Id imagine having a pet dragon would be like. thats a neat metaphor. and a neat thought! even neater is that I still dont divert!
1
ethos
vigor
logos
pathos
hybris
interest
gusto
2
sympathy
antipathy
thanatos
eros
libido
3 edit:
desire
passion
lust
hunger
muse
4 edit
love flow rapture ..
5 e
clueless freakout
bws: interest / ubws: o attraction; -,_,+ sympathy; sk con
whorship' bws? => ' love
S
poesis/theatralik
note to self !
Posted 12 years agoprivet hawkmoth.
I was playing alien swarm (ch1ckenmod) and again somebody thought I was flirting when I wasnt (I was just waking up and that other person -did- have a certain reactive quality, Id like it for sure, I might have to rethink that "BUT STILL"). that completley out of the loop guy thought he summarized it all with "privet", I didnt know the word, and this I found. the privet hawkmoth.
compelling xDDD not binding. but oh so captivating!
the catchword would be swarm I believe. appearantly an inside joke footing on german language...
http://dict.leo.org/ende/index_de.h.....dShowSingle=on
edit:
I conserved the moment cause I thought it wouldnt get any snottier.
I just restumbled about this and half a year later (?) I can say Im actually quite happy how little Im drawn to this kind of allure.
I was playing alien swarm (ch1ckenmod) and again somebody thought I was flirting when I wasnt (I was just waking up and that other person -did- have a certain reactive quality, Id like it for sure, I might have to rethink that "BUT STILL"). that completley out of the loop guy thought he summarized it all with "privet", I didnt know the word, and this I found. the privet hawkmoth.
compelling xDDD not binding. but oh so captivating!
the catchword would be swarm I believe. appearantly an inside joke footing on german language...
http://dict.leo.org/ende/index_de.h.....dShowSingle=on
edit:
I conserved the moment cause I thought it wouldnt get any snottier.
I just restumbled about this and half a year later (?) I can say Im actually quite happy how little Im drawn to this kind of allure.
for whoever thinks I keep them waiting
Posted 13 years agoedit: hectic over, now afterwork.
-
okayokay cutting to the nutshell~
Im beeing pretty kinda most offline these days. hectical things GO! gotta focus.
hope you manage to do what you want , I certainly do!
I know Im being an ass, hope you still love me when Im back guys ;3 especially the one to two people Im not only annoying for but basically uppity against with this stunt.
of course Ill pay due mind to whether youre just being polite if you tell me its okay. *points finger* eggdances not helping me doesnt help you.
-
okayokay cutting to the nutshell~
Im beeing pretty kinda most offline these days. hectical things GO! gotta focus.
hope you manage to do what you want , I certainly do!
I know Im being an ass, hope you still love me when Im back guys ;3 especially the one to two people Im not only annoying for but basically uppity against with this stunt.
of course Ill pay due mind to whether youre just being polite if you tell me its okay. *points finger* eggdances not helping me doesnt help you.
dont mind; personality meme; another diary entry
Posted 13 years agosorry for my watchers for only posting ot stuff
this test seemed by far the least originating from toys`r`us psychology and ages ago I did one with hammse. got reminded by someone pretty pumpily friendly now and hoped I changed for the better by now. if theres anything unclear Im still a filthy jerk!
http://api.viglink.com/api/click?fo.....t=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.signalpatterns.com%2Fpersonality_survey&ref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.furaffinity.net%2Fuser%2Fnasuki%2F&title=Nasuki's%20Journals%20--%20Fur%20Affinity%20%5Bdot%5D%20net&txt=here&jsonp=vglnk_jsonp_13331433535723
Understanding
You are willing to take the time to find out what's going on with other people, especially if they're in distress. You're a good listener, you don't criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it's requested. With a high score on the "understanding" trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.
You don't feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.
Creative
You are good at solving problems, coming up with original ideas, and seeing connections between things, connections that most other people miss. People with a high score on the "creative" trait often are employed in such fields as finance and scientific research, and enjoy avant garde and classical music as well as literary fiction and scholarly non-fiction.
You do not shun abstractions and concepts in favor of the concrete and tangible.
Intellectual
You are thoughtful, rational, and comfortable in the world of ideas. People find you interesting to talk to. You're the living embodiment of the saying "You learn something new every day." In general, those with a high score on the "intellectual" trait are employed in such fields as teaching and research, and are enthusiastic about reading, foreign films, and classical music.
You do not avoid abstract conversation, experimenting with new ideas, or studying new things. It bores you to stick to the straight and narrow of what you already know.
Warm
You have a genuine interest in other people. You're a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you're usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the "warm" trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.
You don't always say exactly what you're thinking; you don't like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.
Innovative
You come up with a lot of ideas; if one doesn't work out, there's always another waiting in the wings. You often have interesting solutions to difficult problems. You're practically a one-person brainstorming session.
You are less interested changing the world than in dealing with things as they are. Unlike those who spend all their time trying to solve problems, you prefer to zero in on things that work and stick with them.
Sympathetic
You have a knack for knowing what's going on in the hearts and minds of those around you, without their having to tell you explicitly. People tend to turn to you with their problems because they know you care, and that you will likely offer good advice and a helping hand.
You do not feel that people with sad stories are just looking for attention, or have brought their problems upon themselves.
Resilient
You bounce back quickly from adversity. For you, all setbacks are temporary. You don't dwell on bad news, bad luck, or criticism; you regroup and focus on solving the problem, whatever it may be.
You almost never feel that there's too much on your plate, that you don't have the strength to deal with the bad hand you've been dealt, or that you're going to lose it if you have to deal with one more problem.
Curious
You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.
You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.
Empathetic
You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.
You don't buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else's because unless you're happy you're incapable of making anyone else happy.
Organized
You like to think a task through before you embark on it. If it's the slightest bit complicated, you make a list (even if it's only in your mind) and methodically work your way through it. When you have a goal in mind, you're not satisfied until you reach it.
You are not one of those people who ignore the details, and you don't understand how anyone can get anything accomplished without thoughtful planning ahead of time.
this test seemed by far the least originating from toys`r`us psychology and ages ago I did one with hammse. got reminded by someone pretty pumpily friendly now and hoped I changed for the better by now. if theres anything unclear Im still a filthy jerk!
http://api.viglink.com/api/click?fo.....t=http%3A%2F%2
Understanding
You are willing to take the time to find out what's going on with other people, especially if they're in distress. You're a good listener, you don't criticize, and you offer unbiased, respectful, honest advice when it's requested. With a high score on the "understanding" trait, it is likely that you are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.
You don't feel the need to impose your standards on others or say things that, even though true, cause pain.
Creative
You are good at solving problems, coming up with original ideas, and seeing connections between things, connections that most other people miss. People with a high score on the "creative" trait often are employed in such fields as finance and scientific research, and enjoy avant garde and classical music as well as literary fiction and scholarly non-fiction.
You do not shun abstractions and concepts in favor of the concrete and tangible.
Intellectual
You are thoughtful, rational, and comfortable in the world of ideas. People find you interesting to talk to. You're the living embodiment of the saying "You learn something new every day." In general, those with a high score on the "intellectual" trait are employed in such fields as teaching and research, and are enthusiastic about reading, foreign films, and classical music.
You do not avoid abstract conversation, experimenting with new ideas, or studying new things. It bores you to stick to the straight and narrow of what you already know.
Warm
You have a genuine interest in other people. You're a natural host, and are always thinking about how you can increase the happiness of those around you. When friends have problems or are in trouble, you're usually the first person they turn to for aid and comfort. Scoring high on the "warm" trait suggests that you are among those who enjoy domestic activities — doing things around the house — and are enthusiastic about charitable work, helping others, and making the world a better place.
You don't always say exactly what you're thinking; you don't like the idea of causing anyone pain because of your criticism.
Innovative
You come up with a lot of ideas; if one doesn't work out, there's always another waiting in the wings. You often have interesting solutions to difficult problems. You're practically a one-person brainstorming session.
You are less interested changing the world than in dealing with things as they are. Unlike those who spend all their time trying to solve problems, you prefer to zero in on things that work and stick with them.
Sympathetic
You have a knack for knowing what's going on in the hearts and minds of those around you, without their having to tell you explicitly. People tend to turn to you with their problems because they know you care, and that you will likely offer good advice and a helping hand.
You do not feel that people with sad stories are just looking for attention, or have brought their problems upon themselves.
Resilient
You bounce back quickly from adversity. For you, all setbacks are temporary. You don't dwell on bad news, bad luck, or criticism; you regroup and focus on solving the problem, whatever it may be.
You almost never feel that there's too much on your plate, that you don't have the strength to deal with the bad hand you've been dealt, or that you're going to lose it if you have to deal with one more problem.
Curious
You like to get to the bottom of things. You're not content knowing what someone did; you want to know why they did it.
You don't simply take things as they are and move on; you're not content skimming along on the surface; you don't feel you're wasting time by digging for the meaning of things.
Empathetic
You are in touch with your own feelings, which helps put you in touch with the feelings of others.
You don't buy the logic that your happiness comes ahead of everyone else's because unless you're happy you're incapable of making anyone else happy.
Organized
You like to think a task through before you embark on it. If it's the slightest bit complicated, you make a list (even if it's only in your mind) and methodically work your way through it. When you have a goal in mind, you're not satisfied until you reach it.
You are not one of those people who ignore the details, and you don't understand how anyone can get anything accomplished without thoughtful planning ahead of time.
filler journal
Posted 13 years agobecause the last one on the profile page just seems provoking.
*pulls up a "DEAD AUNTS" banner and allots lumumbas the whole day*
*pulls up a "DEAD AUNTS" banner and allots lumumbas the whole day*
searching exp. sadist for roleplay
Posted 13 years agoeverything over the line is disclaimer. Id feel evil without it.
summary: minors youre not allowed to read this by law; everything else, it will probably be pretty offensive; to everyone intrigued, Im complicated. not hostile xD (not timid too tho) just complicated. please understand this before reading on, please dont read on if you dont understand. (feel free to ask tho!)
/disclaimer
about the common ground, this is how I feel about powerplay/bdsm/mindgames/violence I wonder whether somebody actually made up the whole thread there, would kinda blow the point:
http://www.expats.cz/prague/printth.....1817&pp=40
if thats not for you, please tell your friend if you think they could like me! wont work without some breaking in tho.
pain and mindgames I search for.
I dont remember whether I started with greek or hammse but Im still searching for a master, tho for a classical one now, while a really twisted one, outside of taboos, outside of their relevance. I wanna collect a bit more data before I test myself, so I can think freely. I was born ready while I have my weaknesses, use no walls whatsoever while I can be confused, and am descriptive, tho I didnt write a book yet. irl Im an ethics nut, but in rp I wanna train the exact contrary if possible. thats the point: Im searching for a "unsalvagable" sadist. I wouldnt be suprised if that person was sweet like a puppy elsewise. over RPs an unstable one might fit better, the first kind has more fantasy, the second holds back less, Id really prefer both at the same time. Im sure thats possible somehow. maybe only a stable soul/ghost can serve the neccessary training tho?
I dont know if its a problem that I will only partly enjoy it, its more of an intuitive journey for the journey`s sake, a learning experience. I will pretty much feel what happens. probably more intense than in the act, since I think through all the alternatives because of the time. call me eager, I prefer curious, couragous, sensible. we will see how much you own me, but youll own my feelings for sure if you can that is.
no histerical victim who wants to take revenge on society: it shall be art! to earn kissing the fist first off, and then giving me the time to do it propperly out of generosity. or not xD if I should hazard a guess. personally Id like to cuddle when its over but.. *grins* yeah, well, I have no idea if you consider that even naive. well I dont think it is, but quenching that at the start will have to be your natural previlege. but I really cant think how that could work without complex reasoning. truth is a great challenge too. but thats also your choice.
Ive had my roleplay with "usage" (I dig freedom irl focus is not to shackle myself for now, but being owned certainly hit home propperly), that was the first twist, so now I wanna go mindgames and pain to complete the image. Im working through a SM bible with comments that were called elaborate while it lacks a bit honesty (still best Ive found for a while) so if you read this a year later or two I might [... well I dunno yet! xD]
Id have to invent a fursona tho if one is needed (lets see.. anakonda, bear, wolf, dragon, jason bourne? I would like to play an AI despaired in a paradox to safe a scifi city at risk and you are the hacker I wont recognize changing my conditions, that sounds great), actually Id prefer a human, but thats just me, you are the scientist, Im the experiment, as xanathos said! genius let yourself go. just allow me a little negotiation or something, hm?
then again if youd let me choose everything and later choose that I was insulent to have taken the offer... xD
it must be a mindgame, and a layered and structured one, something "you cant even tell anybody", or I wont learn.
summary: minors youre not allowed to read this by law; everything else, it will probably be pretty offensive; to everyone intrigued, Im complicated. not hostile xD (not timid too tho) just complicated. please understand this before reading on, please dont read on if you dont understand. (feel free to ask tho!)
/disclaimer
about the common ground, this is how I feel about powerplay/bdsm/mindgames/violence I wonder whether somebody actually made up the whole thread there, would kinda blow the point:
http://www.expats.cz/prague/printth.....1817&pp=40
if thats not for you, please tell your friend if you think they could like me! wont work without some breaking in tho.
pain and mindgames I search for.
I dont remember whether I started with greek or hammse but Im still searching for a master, tho for a classical one now, while a really twisted one, outside of taboos, outside of their relevance. I wanna collect a bit more data before I test myself, so I can think freely. I was born ready while I have my weaknesses, use no walls whatsoever while I can be confused, and am descriptive, tho I didnt write a book yet. irl Im an ethics nut, but in rp I wanna train the exact contrary if possible. thats the point: Im searching for a "unsalvagable" sadist. I wouldnt be suprised if that person was sweet like a puppy elsewise. over RPs an unstable one might fit better, the first kind has more fantasy, the second holds back less, Id really prefer both at the same time. Im sure thats possible somehow. maybe only a stable soul/ghost can serve the neccessary training tho?
I dont know if its a problem that I will only partly enjoy it, its more of an intuitive journey for the journey`s sake, a learning experience. I will pretty much feel what happens. probably more intense than in the act, since I think through all the alternatives because of the time. call me eager, I prefer curious, couragous, sensible. we will see how much you own me, but youll own my feelings for sure if you can that is.
no histerical victim who wants to take revenge on society: it shall be art! to earn kissing the fist first off, and then giving me the time to do it propperly out of generosity. or not xD if I should hazard a guess. personally Id like to cuddle when its over but.. *grins* yeah, well, I have no idea if you consider that even naive. well I dont think it is, but quenching that at the start will have to be your natural previlege. but I really cant think how that could work without complex reasoning. truth is a great challenge too. but thats also your choice.
Ive had my roleplay with "usage" (I dig freedom irl focus is not to shackle myself for now, but being owned certainly hit home propperly), that was the first twist, so now I wanna go mindgames and pain to complete the image. Im working through a SM bible with comments that were called elaborate while it lacks a bit honesty (still best Ive found for a while) so if you read this a year later or two I might [... well I dunno yet! xD]
Id have to invent a fursona tho if one is needed (lets see.. anakonda, bear, wolf, dragon, jason bourne? I would like to play an AI despaired in a paradox to safe a scifi city at risk and you are the hacker I wont recognize changing my conditions, that sounds great), actually Id prefer a human, but thats just me, you are the scientist, Im the experiment, as xanathos said! genius let yourself go. just allow me a little negotiation or something, hm?
then again if youd let me choose everything and later choose that I was insulent to have taken the offer... xD
it must be a mindgame, and a layered and structured one, something "you cant even tell anybody", or I wont learn.
angels
Posted 13 years agoI wondered why angels always get used by religious bafoons either or by ........ secretive people mocking any try towards growth whatsoever (Ill leave the political uncorrect psychology out, which would be the only exciting part in this journal.)
Id say its because the angels that actually matter are but a symptom of honest work.
Id say its because the angels that actually matter are but a symptom of honest work.
stuff I search
Posted 13 years agoyeah I dont find it :(((
could somebody help? I get reminded on those.
AH I forgot! be mature to read this. Im searching porn *grins*
- there was one picture, one page comic I guess, of I think an anthro doberman, and a man. the doberman somehow commented on the feeble human built and it ended with "pathetic." or "disgusting." and oh did the gaze fit. it was absolutely disgusted. snarling. and -still- not hateful. they kissed and.. in its own disgusted/needyashell way sparkles were all around. it was a very beautiful kiss, in a figurative dont forget to breath kind of way (stargate universe anyone?). I admit I dont even know if it was a kiss at all, maybe it was just some kind of neck nuzzle or etc bla, but it was so passionate that it is kinda bound to have been a kiss ;3 I wont find it on fa.
- on Ink Bunny there was a story about how somebody cheated on somebody else. they talked about it, somewhat angry/relaxed. and the cheater defended his ground about having had no choice because the other pummeler was such a stud (my wording) and he went graphic about it, all story in story, and they actually grew into steamy sex, tho BEFORE IT WENT STEAMY my browser died along with its tabs and history (ugh opera) and I had no idea who the artist was or how I ended up over there.
could somebody help? I get reminded on those.
AH I forgot! be mature to read this. Im searching porn *grins*
- there was one picture, one page comic I guess, of I think an anthro doberman, and a man. the doberman somehow commented on the feeble human built and it ended with "pathetic." or "disgusting." and oh did the gaze fit. it was absolutely disgusted. snarling. and -still- not hateful. they kissed and.. in its own disgusted/needyashell way sparkles were all around. it was a very beautiful kiss, in a figurative dont forget to breath kind of way (stargate universe anyone?). I admit I dont even know if it was a kiss at all, maybe it was just some kind of neck nuzzle or etc bla, but it was so passionate that it is kinda bound to have been a kiss ;3 I wont find it on fa.
- on Ink Bunny there was a story about how somebody cheated on somebody else. they talked about it, somewhat angry/relaxed. and the cheater defended his ground about having had no choice because the other pummeler was such a stud (my wording) and he went graphic about it, all story in story, and they actually grew into steamy sex, tho BEFORE IT WENT STEAMY my browser died along with its tabs and history (ugh opera) and I had no idea who the artist was or how I ended up over there.
