Okay so my dream was partly an insult but it was a thought that had kept me from something
It started out where I was in a school version of summer camp but somehow at my grandmothers old house
it was a mixture of my highschool teachers and MCTI instructors
we were working on swimming techniques and I had been exhausted so I couldn't keep up with the team
so I go take a shower and relax
which struck me as odd that the upstairs was the upstairs from the house I grew up in
I walk out of my room and I see a door open with the room dark and I hear animals in the room
and I walk in to find 2 male wolf shifters having some kinky sex and they gesture for me to watch from the bed seeing as they are in the space where the closet was before the doors were removed
after a little while they start taking a break shifting back to humans to get something to drink drenched in sweat
so I decide I might as well go to my room and grab a bottle of water myself and possibly change to see if I could entice them into letting me join
but when I open the door to my bathroom I see the oldest pervy teacher taking a bath in my room
so I slam the door as I apologize for walking in on him and somehow I am dressed in a pink tinselly cheerleader outfit when my swim teacher/coach walks in and says "well at last I think I know why you didn't fly as far as the others" which the teacher probably wouldn't have said anything like that but I never came out to him because I didn't know how he'd react and the comment in the dream followed along the lines that gay people are inadequate athletes
and the one of the councilors walks through the door behind him with a book and leads me downstairs to a picnic table that use to be in front of my grandmothers house
she has me flip to make 171 and read the first 5 scenarios which of course were about when it is appropriate to have sex after a date each one was a new reason and they were on a ♥ and ☼ grading scale
where ♥ was cuddling and ☼ was sex most of them had 2 hearts for first date and then heart then sun for 3+ dates and when she asked me to reread number 3 it said "Pleasing your man" I got this snide grin on my face when she asked my what it meant to me and when I only sat there grinning she said "you know I need an answer have you ever done that?" and then a few friends from school sat around and a few others when I said " Oh yeah several times" and she got a huge shocked look on her face while I told her all of my sexcapades and my friends were confirming things left and right and that's when I woke up feeling absolutely fanfuckingtastic that black moon really left me feeling amazing
although I wish I could have gone back up stairs and joined those shifters
they were hot and hung

A utility vehicle has to ask if they can park in your driveway for half an hour because traffic refuses to slow down to pass it even in bad conditions
and it's a 2 lane road so people whizzing by could end up smashing into oncoming traffic

earlier this year we already had a vehicle get stuck between 2 trees not that far down the road from us


and people wonder why there are so many accidents in Michigan
A.) Stupid drivers
B.) Slippery Roads
C.) More stupid drivers
D.) Even more stupid drivers
E.) White outs
F.) Wind
G.) Even more extremely stupid drivers

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6.....re-super-gross

I know it's a joke video but I've seen way too many furs that are like that and it's just creepy after a while
and people wonder why we get a bum rep

as a few of you know I am content in being a pack beta although due to recent circumstances I will be standing in as alpha for an undecided amount of time
This does not bother me
I don't say it much since it's of little importance I am clearly a beta although Maeniel has and always will be an alpha he does not have an issue of me keeping my natural rank but now it's his time to step up and prove himself
Even if we are not officially an alpha we will take out temporary status with the foremost seriousness that is required for the current situation
I accept any stress it may entail I accept the responsibility that ensues
Those of you who are fellow pack members will see a side of me that only surfaces when needed
I pledge my service to the pack and all of it's member no matter what their rank
You may contact me with any issues and I will try to help if I can even if you only need someone to vent to
I tend to be aloof but now is not time for that
I am an odd person but extremely loyal and compassionate
Vith'ra Dev'hes'ada Tu'res'kra
although Maeniel has not revealed the meaning of that sentence
I understand it's his oath and it should not be taken lightly

Vith'ra is a form of pledge
Tu'res'kra means he will uphold it till the death if necessary
Dev'hes'ada he will not share the meaning of but I trust him enough not to pry

we've both made out pacts take it as you may
I will not say why I am in my position and it may not concern anyone outside of the pack
I just want to show my dedication

so my cellphones battery is only lasting 10 minutes if I use it or 5 hours if it don't
the battery alone feels bloated and barely fits anymore
I ordered a replacement and it should arrive sometime next week


I'm surprised I've even had the phone this long
according to my journals I got it june 22nd 2012
I've dropped it face down on cement several times
it only got minor scratches and no cracks
it's a little slow because I never clean out my messages
when the 2 years is up my dad is probably dropping me from his plan
which is about my only reason to keep in contact with him other than
asking for money

seeing as I have plans today I will have to keep my phone off
and if people have my number they probably know my house phone number also
so they can always call that to get ahold of me while I'm home or message me on facebook

Chase decided to automatically switch my school checking account to total checking account
which has a monthly service fee that overdrew my account
seeing as I had to locate the last few statements from the to see anything about it
it was at the bottom of one of the last pages in small print

you'd think they'd send something saying when they would choose to overdraft my account so I could close it beforehand

ask me anything and I will respond in the morning
limited to 5 questions per person (unless I get bored enough to answer more)

preferably in 1 comment or make a chain of them if you want to add later

some questions about transformation would be interesting but it is wholly up to you what you want to ask

some day I want to build a house in the woods in a circular shape and have the siding be faux bark as if I lived In a large tree and the windows would have tribal wolves etched on them along with runes
it would be my sanctuary it would have only basic electronics such as lighting and maybe a speaker system wired throughout every room but it would only play the sounds of animals and spiritual music such as celtic or wiccan
it would have an upstairs of only 1 large room and it would be a place for rituals and meditation
it would have a large round stone in the center which would be flat and a solid dark grey
possibly 6 feet in diameter it would stay clear of décor
it would be the focal point of energy it would be surrounded by an array of crystals
warding and cleansing the area

the walls of the room would be covered in pelts and skulls along with wooden carvings and other objects of that nature

it would be off limits to most guests other than pack mates

it would be heated by gas or a wood burner
off the back would be 2 gardens an outer garden to feed the nearby animals and an inner garden for herbs

it would be less than a mile from a lake or river with clean water
it would also have an in ground well so the house would have running water

there would be no garage or paved driveway only a well maintained dirt road
that would widen near the house for parking

I would not live at the house but use it as a retreat from stress
seeing as I would not be there constantly the electricity would probably be supplied by a generator


it would take a lot of work and would not be cheap but it would be something amazing to pull off

I was originally going to a mere inquiry but when I get tired my mind cycles through movies I've recently watched trying to find something that can expand upon until fall asleep

which most movies I've been watching recently are quite dark


what I was originally trying to ask is
if something without purpose wanted to become your eternal friend yet had nothing of it's own other than an ache of loneliness
if it wanted to follow you it would need a form and personality although it would not be forced to follow you afterwards it would be part of a contract that if either party abuses the other they shall part ways
the contract is more of a pact than a contract it's more to prevent harm to either party

but if the hollow is not the only one willing and if something that would rather be a husk but does not want to let go for the sake of being alone offers to take the place if they get to follow procedure

still it's essentially playing god
it's not something anyone should try
my mind is full of thoughts and ancient practices that I would never try
I'd rather ask what others standpoint on them is as a way to learn more about those who respond
a lot of things I may ask are not because I intend to do them they are essentially testing
those who answer but my mind runs several thoughts at once and they occasionally get crossed

it doesn't help that recently I've been able to study my own behavior when I forget to take my meds at night
when I take it I sleep longer but im more stern and analytical
when I don't take it I don't sleep as long but I tend to be more easy going I tend to enjoy things more
and although im still calculating I'm not as analytical
I'm as aware but im not as stuck on the details
which that has been running around in my mind for the last week
so with a lot going around in my mind lines get crossed and the point of what I intend gets lost

For those of yoi more spiritually inclined i have a question
Would you make a contract that would create the perfect companion
but to do that you would need a spkrit that had forvotten or chose to erase it's past lives anf was left ah a lonely husk or shell
But if a spirit had been drawn instead loved it's previous lives and knew that if rhey lived another they would cause a great tragedy so they wanted to give up everything they were to make atleast one last person happy before fading into nothing
They would lose their name form pst and future the only one who would be able to remember them is you
you would rebuild them from a blank shell imto a loyal and loving companion

if you had to choose from a blank shell or create one out of someone who wants one last good deed before the final death
these spirits are far from human origin
they originated from animals fairies and sprites
Would you take something already blank or destroy a beings identity to make it happy one last time

okay so everyone find people who don't help others to be self absorbed and inconsiderate
well have you ever considered that 60%+ of the people that ask for help need help because they
are using others or don't feel like doing it themselves
even if they honestly need the help it doesn't mean that it will end well for you
if something happens while or after you help they may blame you and try to do
go after you

the point of this journal is because a close friends family is having issues with something that
I know how to work on although the particular job I know how to do but have only done it
once or twice
and in the past when another person tried helping and ended up being unsuccessful the
results were beyond horrible to the point where I am torn between trying to help someone
who really needs it and the fact that if something happens I may never be allowed near
my friend and if they found out we still hung out it would be horrible for them also

I've been over enough to see that even something minor that goes wrong is made major

when someone can't afford to have something done professionally and you have knowledge
to help them normally I'd jump to help without hesitation
but if I try and fail it would end up very badly for me
even if I succeed and something else unrelated happened I may be blamed

no matter how much I want to help the consequences for any mistake is way too great
it would be one thing if I was working and something happened on the job
I could deal with getting fired but having a personal vendetta against me for merely offering help
makes the risk outweigh the action

they may not even need assistance
i don't know if they do
i want to help since it's a friend
i don't even know if the new part will have the piece that is the main issue attached or if they are sold separate


i may be overthinking things

but it still bothers me
i got knowledge to help others but when someone close needs help and i know how
but am unable to assist due to the possible ramifications is drives me crazy

i went to school for it and when i get the chance to try it in a real world situation i am unable to do so

i just can't stand sitting around doing nothing it bugs me....
but never seeing that friend again is a worse thought...
as i said they may not need help but instinctually i am inclined to help others
i try to put others before myself but the dilemma is that there is more than one person involved
so if i put the wrong one first and lose the other then there was no point in helping
but if i put the other one first it means doing nothing at all



and the person who is involved if you read this don't point yourself out keep it vague
i don't want everyone to know who i was talking about or even why
if you do comment just make it something that you would say if it were happening to someone else

so everyone knows most religious groups have their token symbol that is quickly recognized

tree of life
cross
knot
and so on

but have you seen something in a dream or an image flashing through your head
that just feels right and never seeing before you know it's meaning name and it feels right

well in one of my recent meditation sessions which really is more of forming a link than actual meditation but has the same result
I saw a flash of a image flicker in where in addition to his scaled arm and shoulder he had batlike furred wing with a large tribal styled moon on it in his marking color
although it was instantly as if I had studied it before with out actually seeing it or reading it
I've been trying to find a moon to get tattooed to go with my tribal wolf and now I know exactly what I want
If I can ever recreate it I will work on it periodically

although it's quite similar to another symbol from the same origin it's a different meaning
it's for Shnesta and it's a symbolic new moon always drawn in blacks greys purples and deep blues
to symbolize the shadows in which we hide

a similar symbol is for the full moon both symbols are similar yet mean different things completely
the moon of Shilesa is drawn in bright colors quite opposite of the new moon

due to circumstanced I can't go into more details about the symbols or even say their name
if I do manage to get an accurate recreation I won't even post pictures to minimize the spread of the design
if I get it as a tattoo I would post a picture that would be erased shortly after

not all designs are made to be spread around blindly

And i mean it too
Maeniel and I love to confuse most of you when we make journals or notes to mislead yet have clues that i end up pointing out to my dear leader

not that i even try very hardto find clues

If i have to point out the most recent to her i am not sure if i should lol
They may answer a question or it may just be a random fact
it's up to the imagination it could be a number of things
and if you see anything dont point it out
next time i will try harder to hide them lol

what the hell..... "Jesus Christ is my N*gga" how do old white people get away with that?

if you want to see the monstrosity it's on facebook Here

and I got my package and I opened it up it's a lot bigger than I expected not too big but still big lol

I just need to hang up my new wall decoration and I will be satisfied with all 3 things I've ordered recently


and somehow when I typed satisfied it autocorrected it to "stratified"

you end a conversation about driving somewhere with Good luck instead of goodbye

I'm not even that far away from the post office and this is the second time they delayed my item
when it's already on the truck

the roads are much better than they were yesterday and they still delayed due to weather....
hell if it was USPS I'd have it by now...
this is really annoying
delaying one day was annoying enough 2 days is just BS
the shipping wasn't cheap either...

Just take your bad dragon toy and photoshop it as your fursonas genitals and when someone says
go fuck yourself show them that sheet and say " I already did"

So I've been expecting a package from FedEx it was suppose to be shipped today
I've been waiting for it all day
then at 6 they posted on tracking "Local Weather Delay - Delivery Not Attempted"
if it's not here tomorrow im going to be pissed
if they were not going to even try then why wait till 6 to say anything

so last Saturday we got a baby pig who turns 7 weeks old Friday
and he has calmed down a lot since we brought him home
and he is quite the talker and it's pretty fun to talk oink at him
and have him respond it's actually kind of funny and relaxing
I don't know why I never considered a pet pig I'm glad we got him

the first time we let him roam around outside his pen was a couple days ago and he really didn't know what to do lol

he makes the most adorable noises

I like to talk to people face to face then I add then on facebook only to see
10 daily statuses about them missing their significant other
random bs that makes me want to unfriend them
but if I unfriend them they will probably notice and try to contact me about it

when I add people that know a relative
I like talking to them until I see all the crap they post on facebook that really is
out of character for how they generally act
which makes me want to unfriend them

Its still not as bad as adding a family member.....
okay so my brothers, sister, and mother are okay
but other than that I just want to stab my family members
every time I went over to my dads he would mention that we were not facebook friends
although I never mentioned I blocked him, so I unblock him and added him for Christmas
and now he likes 90% of the pictures that are posted with me tagged in them
he doesn't even understand the relevance in any of them so why pretend to take an interest
he never even bothers to message me but he will like a picture that he knows nothing about

Hey pig piggy-pig pig pig

we are getting our micro pig on Saturday
which is why I have Piggy by Nine Inch Nails stuck in my head



also I am going sunday charter fishing with my father.....
it was the only opening they had and it had the be end of December
it's probably going to suck

I bought something that I've wanted and I'm not sure why
I guess I will see if it like it when I get it
I don't know what to expect but I will soon find out

if you want more info just shoot me a note

Okay so in my dream last night I was with my grandmother driving to a school where I could further my automotive education which while similar to MCTI although instead of a school for people with disabilities it was a school similar to Rosario + Vampire where most of the students where mythical beings I noticed a few werecreatures although human had distinct qualities of their animal form
I had to fill out an application on the computer much like an online job application and after one of the staff reviewed it they said I could start on the 26th (in the beginning of the dream is seemed more like a job than a school) so I went to explore the campus and I met a sweet zombie boy which he was kind of shy but adorable (which reminded my of one of my ex's) and when he went to show me around the grounds we stopped by his dorm so he could show me what they looked like and I noticed the assorted harnesses on his bed and I started majorly flirting with him after I saw them
and he wasn't the traditional zombie in the American sense he didn't die first, although he had his right arm sown back on. Zombie isn't the right word but it's all I had. so me and him go around the grounds a little until I have to leave for some kind of event (and now that I think about it the grounds were similar to the school where I had my double headed dog)

it was at the event that it reminded my of a few of my family members although they looked the age and gender they acted instead of being the actual person

there was a 10 year old girl who was drinking any alcohol near her and smoked while she ate
and instead of using an ash tray she flicked the ashes on her food as if it were seasoning
everyone was getting drunk on their choice hard liquor and there was a small girl grabbing everything
she could get her hands on and putting it in a pool floater a birds nest fried eggs bottles of alcohol and
everyone is laughing and having a good time except me and my mother I was trying to lead her away from the ruckus to talk to her about going to the school and if I could move into the dorms as well
(I was hoping to get the same room as the boy I met during the tour which the rooms each had 4 beds 3 twin beds and some sort of animal bed which never seemed out of place because of all the shifters although now I think it was for pets)
after a while of the nonsense I finally woke up

so after a few minutes of matching notes numerically and fingering i managed to remember most of the scale
I need to work on finger dexterity, lung capacity, and air flow control.
after I get the hang of one song I will work on the next occasionally reviewing the ones I've already done

I can do
Ocarina of Time
Song of Time
Epona's Song
Requiem of Spirit is iffy
it will take a little more practice for Minuet of Woods

if you hadn't noticed I started with the Legend of Zelda Songbook that was included
now that I can read the sheet music I just need to work on finding a way to mentally picture each notes fingering as i read the sheet music