edit: Thanks, everyone. *^_^* Goal has been reached. We worked out a different solution for the same cost (at least to me ;;), but I would be in a serious pickle without you guys. Everyone who helped me out has been e-mailed and noted in my files. Don't be strangers! <3

★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★· ★

:( My Cintiq finally kicked the bucket, it seems. I am going to keep it and have it repaired eventually, but I don't want to spend $800+ and also have to wait who knows how many weeks/months for them to jerk off doing it, so in the meantime, I need a replacement.

Unfortunately, we haven't been doing well financially -- I realized too late that my husband, who I adore but was pretty upset with, had basically been using retail therapy to deal with the stress of his job. So all the money I've been having to work harder and harder for in the past year was going right out the window and I didn't realize why until just now. all of the cash I make is currently going to repair the damage he did. But without my tablet, I can't really do that...

Thankfully, a Yiynova MSP19 is $500 (that's 1/5 what I paid for my Cintiq and less than I'd pay to REPAIR mine, which is 4 years old now). I do have a lovely Intuos4 traded to me recently, but it's proving difficult to get used to again and my hands are still too shaky to use it for anything other than loose sketch work. I got the Cintiq because of this very problem, unfortunately. I'm just not capable of using a regular tablet for my usual workflow right now, much as I wish I could.

edit: Maher won't let me go for the Yiynova because he worries about the accuracy issues, so he's most likely going to send me his Asus EE Slate EP121 after he stress-tests it. I'm going to send him as much of the cost as I can pull here. I'm actually almost to the $500 mark already, thanks to some awesome folks, so I'll be taking down the journal soon. Admittedly, I'd like to give him more than half for it.

So, if you could, please help me out with some "donations", and I'll put it toward any future commissions you might want from me. This keeps it simple for everybody. Please be sure to put your FA username and contact e-mail address in the comment, unless you really want to remain anonymous. <3 You are just as welcome to help me and consider it a borrow (I can pay you back, work it off, or you can consider it a gift. I really don't mind either way, believe me. I just wanna get back to work.)

★ Click here for my donation page. ★

When I have enough, this journal will be edited, as we all know that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. :)

Many many thanks to all of you for the outpouring of love and condolences in response to my last journal.

I know I still don't consider myself a furry and I really never will, but damned if I don't love the hell out of you guys and think you're some of the kindest, most giving, considerate people on the face of the planet. I'm proud to be able to say I make a living bringing your ideas to life. You really won't find a more supportive icky human anywhere else, I think. ;')

I can't thank you all individually but you seriously helped me through a rough time. Being reminded how many others have had a beloved pet who touched their lives and then left just made me appreciate the time I had with Bob all the more. He was a good boy. While I don't believe in an afterlife, it doesn't make the sentiment that he's in a better place and I'll be with him again someday any less true, really (or any less meaningful, for those of you who said it).

Thanks, you guys. I really don't know what to say.

xoxo
hd

Our old black lab back home, Bob, passed away a few mornings ago. :( I haven't been online much. Been keeping to myself. Here's one of the only pictures of him I can get my hands on right now.

Bob was a good boy. We found him wandering the street in my small hometown -- happy as can be, carefree. We took him in, put up signs and made sure the whole town knew we'd found their dog in case anyone was looking. We named him "Bob" because we had to call him -something- and we didn't want to get too attached in case anyone came looking for him. We worried that our first labrador, Shaka, who I'd brought home as a puppy five years before, would have a problem with a bigger, older dog coming in and taking up space, but within a day the two were romping around the yard like they'd been buddies forever.

No one came looking for Bob, and we figured out why -- he was something of an escape artist. Dad called him the "dog Houdini". He would, in spite of his rather rotund frame (he had a thyroid issue that we had to keep him on medication for), manage to escape from the back yard time and time again only to be found happily trotting around the neighborhood. When we called to him with treats he'd come casually strolling back and jump in the car like he was totally unaware that escaping from the yard and prancing around outside was anything but normal.

He had some funny habits that made us laugh. One was what my Dad called "Bob's dinner bell" - he'd pick up his metal food dish in his teeth, lift it, and drop it on the hardwood floor with a "clang!". Then he'd look at us, smiling, like, "you know what that means!" Later Dad said Bob stood for "Big ol' Bob".

He was already old when we found him; our vet put him somewhere between six and eight years at the time. That was something like eight years ago. This past Thanksgiving, Cory and I went to Beaver's Bend to spend some time with my parents in a cabin in the woods, go hiking, and spend time with the dogs. It was hard to see Shaka so old. It was like he'd aged ten years since the last time I'd seen him. They both had problems with their hips, could barely see, and were generally a lot slower than they used to be, but they still barked like crazy when Dad came home and would jump up on the couch, still thinking they were lap dogs.

I honestly was so preoccupied with Shaka -- who I realized mid-trip had an abscess over one tooth that my parents hadn't noticed, and was whimpering quietly in pain over -- and trying to get him some buffered aspirin and find him some relief until we could get back home to make a vet appointment -- that I didn't wind up needing to focus on Bob too much. But I got pictures of them both and when it was time to go to sleep at night, Bob came trotting into our room, went to my side of the bed, and flopped down with a great "whump" on the floor to watch over me all night. He had always done this. I think he had always seen me as the littlest member of the pack, someone who needed to be guarded.

When my parents went to South Africa and I came home to house sit for them, I was so unsettled by being home again and being alone that I couldn't sleep in my own bed. I slept in my parent's bed, and Bob and Shaka sat on opposite sides of the bed. All night, awake, watching over the dark to make sure I felt safe. I wound up sleeping really well, and got readjusted to my friendless life in my hometown because of those two loyal dogs.

Even in their old age, they were grumpy dogs, but they were best friends. Dad told me that a few months ago, Bob got up on the wrong side of the bed and Shaka got in his face at the wrong time. Bob snapped at Shaka and walked away, and Shaka moped for the rest of the day like he'd lost his best friend. It was hard to hear about, but soon after they were back to their old selves.

I knew they both didn't have too long left when we visited for Thanksgiving, but my main worry was that if one of them passed away, in spite of the age difference, the other would surely follow. So far, Shaka seems to be doing all right. My parents are struggling. I'm trying to give them their space -- they handle this in their own way and they don't need me butting in -- but I let them know I'm here if they need and that if I need to go back up there to spend some time with them that I'm willing to do it.

When your parents become empty nesters and make dogs a part of their life, losing them is just as hard as losing you. I know they miss Bob. I miss him, too. That night, he ate his dinner, went and laid down next to Shaka, and in the morning he simply didn't wake up. I'm glad that he isn't suffering any more and that he gave us a hell of a lot of good years. It's the trade off we all give when we make anyone -- animal or person -- a big part of our lives.

I told my Dad, we aren't so different from our pets. On a long enough timeline, we all have to go. I said, "I know that may sound dismal, but to me, it's not." It's just that sometimes we're the ones left behind first.

Thanks for being patient with me, guys. And thanks for reading another really long, long journal. Go hug your pets, if you have any. And if you don't, hug someone else. And if you don't have that, here's a hug from me.

xoxo.

;_; I seriously just spent my fourth all-nighter in a row trying to figure out how I managed to already wreck a week-old fresh Windows 7 install. I swear to God, I'm a virtual klutz.

To be fair, I've had this laptop for 3 years less time than I had the PC I put together before it, and that thing never, ever gave me shit. In fact, I never had to reinstall Windows XP on that sucker. I'm starting to miss it. This laptop needs to GDIAF.

I have had a slow streak lately, but the past week and a half have been plagued by consistent problems arising from my apparent inability to properly install drivers. Combine that with my desperate bid for organization and you have a clumsy girl who's so busy being productive that she never gets anything done (and also tends to break the shit she's already fixed).

After day 4 I seem to have things under control again. With any luck, after I wake up it'll finally be time to put a dent in my commission docket again. I hope so; I'm tired of staring at dismal reliability reports and spammy event viewer errors.

On the plus side, I ditched expensive facial cleansers in favor of a warm washcloth and a dab of baking soda, and my skin finally, finally looks amazing (three days later). If only I'd figured this out half a grand ago. I guess that's what happens when you never have a grandma around. (Nobody's fault, just the facts! Don't take your grandma for granted.)

The following always seem to feel stupid or awkward when I use them as palette/swatch labels in ref sheets:

* "paw pads" (this one isn't totally weird. I think it's just a little clunky. and "pads" just sounds terrible.)
* "cock" (I mean WTF else can you really say? "shaft" has been offered as a good substitute.")
* "nipples" (it's just the worst word ever... the worst)

Is there a good word for soft bits like paw pads, noses, nips, etc. that doesn't sound super creepy? Is there any alternative to these words that will not be super vague? Or should I start using ref sheets where the swatches simply point to the area of the body they are applied to?
*LOL*

Cuz seriously, sometimes it just feels so weird having "cock" or "nipples" on a ref sheet.

I read on Lifehacker last night that sitting down for large portions of the day without brief breaks to get up and walk around (not to simply opt for standing, mind you, which has its own problems) can actually shave seven years off your life. ;_; I knew it was bad, but yikes!

So I opted to take their advice and downloaded a little program called Workrave, which prompts me for small and large breaks every so often, encourages little exercises both for the body and the eyes, and is very gripey if I continue to fiddle with the computer when I'm supposed to be resting. :D Apparently I can even set it to let me postpone or skip those breaks, but I haven't done it once yet. I thought it would be really annoying, but... here's how I've got it set up:

* Every 30 minutes, take a micro-break of 2 minutes.
* Every 60 minutes, take a rest break of 10 minutes.
* No more than 8 hours at the computer a day. This is negotiable on the fly with a "postpone" option, but it does keep track of how long you've spent on the computer each day.

My office has been a disgusting wreck for months. But the little micro-breaks are so short that I found myself not wanting to take a trip too far outside -- which kept me milling about in the office while I waited for the computer to chime at me and let me know it was okay to come back. Those two minutes every half hour and the portion of the ten-minute breaks that I opted to stick around and tidy up turned the somewhat gloomy den of misery I'd been holing up in into something that's getting pretty damn presentable in ONE NIGHT! :D Cory was pretty shocked this morning.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/9469674/Lin.....ils/office.jpg

I'm almost proud of it. <3 I honestly didn't do this breaks thing with the intent of cleaning. It just happened. Happy accident. I thought I was lazy, but I guess I just needed to see the tasks in the right frame of mind. It felt like I just blinked and the room was magically tidy.

I still need to get the money to get a few more shelves and ways to organize, some hooks and something to put a "vision board" on on that wall my desk faces, but my slapdash efforts aren't too terrible for now. :D And, you know, maybe a dark lampshade to kill some of the light (for my gliders) instead of a gaudy piece of pink felt with cupcakes on it. And some way to organize that shelf unit so that I can have the coffee station I so desperately want instead of a bunch of random coffee-related crap all piled on a flat surface with random candles. ;_;

Back to work~

I will not let this become one of those five pages journals, I swear! :D

I'm reading this book called "The 26 Hour Day" as a part of my New Year's Resolution to get my shit together. So, all 2012, I'm going through this 13-step process month by month to assess my life and get in control of it. The first month is Clarity -- finding out where I am, where I want to be ideally in two-to-three years, how I get there, and all that.

Part of my huge realization this past year is that my self-esteem took a nose dive, but not for the reasons I thought. I thought I was becoming depressed and it was because of my weight struggle before I got on the ADD medication, but it turned out to be even simpler than that: once I had my own office and was able to shut the world out, I kind of forgot to keep socializing and get out there.  frenor wisely observed that a larger part of our self-esteem than we realize is reflected in others, and if we shut out others completely, we lose that reflection. I felt so silly when I realized. Unfortunately, it's like a muscle, and I let mine atrophy.

My online friends know this about me. They know how hard it's been to get a hold of me and stay in touch. I'm working on that as a part of this whole process. Last night I opted to go to the Red Lion pub for a friend's birthday, even though it required sitting outside for an hour and a half in the freezing cold (my dumb ass didn't think to bring a jacket), and I still enjoyed myself. I'm keeping track of these little realizations in a private journal, and it really, really helps. If you've been having the same problems, feel free to contact me privately and we can talk about it. Hopefully it helps.

So here you go, a bonus!
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/9469674/Tem.....os/redlion.jpg

Cory caught me yammering on in the top right corner, having borrowed Scott's lovely fleece hoodie. I'm not in the other pics because he was next to me for most of them. :D Two dirty vodka martinis and I turn into a Chatty Kathy.

Back to work! Ugh, episode 13 of Gossip Girl (it's for research, I swear) and I still am kind of in awe that "normal" people actually love this show. It's not that there's anything really terribly wrong with it, but it's so depressing. Rich kids have it worse than us, we promise! Pbbth. :3 I do need some TV show recommendations, though, so be sure to toss out any you might think I'd like. I'm not picky. At all.

If you're expecting a piece from me, be sure to check my docket -- it's gonna come sooner than you think, since I've been working on everyone a bit at a time.

xoxo
HD

Okay, since I've broken through yet another art block and have my ADD meds again (haha), commissions are legitimately open again. My current commission docket will be cleared within the week. But there's one caveat!

I will be attempting a sporadic "freebie" stream starting a couple of weeks from now. People can make requests and tip if they like the work. This is a trial thing -- just something I'm trying. I need practice and want to see if I can do some little, cheap, tiny pieces for people in stream.

This means if you commission me from this point on, until I either close regular commissions again or decide this stream idea isn't working for me, you do so understanding that I may be occasionally running three-or-four-hour streams where I'm working on something that isn't your piece. I seriously don't think it'll be noticeable for anyone who hires me, but you can use your best judgment. I do feel that the longer wait period that's permeated my results in the past four or five months has definitely been quashed, but it's up to me to prove that with my output from here on out.

If it isn't really working for me -- if I find out my process just doesn't lend itself to quick work -- I'll end the trial period and just go back to regular commissions as per usual.

I know this may be a point of contention for some, but rest assured that I will not be jerking off over freebie streams all day long for weeks at a time while you wait on your pre-paid pieces. I'm not an asshole. >:D My main commissions take priority.

Hope your Monday was all badass and shit.


(On a sadder note, I found out tonight that one of my parents' labradors who I grew up with, Bob [who must be at least 13-15 years old by now -- can't be sure, we rescued him as a stray], has a pretty severe cancerous tumor on his eyelid. He'd had several tumors but they were benign. :( Tomorrow is the vet visit when we find out whether he can survive a surgery to remove it. Cross fingers, please?)

http://www.hulu.com/watch/306777/sa.....on-the-ceiling


going to see them in april. JEALOUS

haha. a few weeks ago when i was like "WE NEED TO START BUDGETING OUR MONEY OR THIS WHOLE BEING BROKE THING IS NOT GOING TO STOP SUCKING", cory was all "oh btw, i know we're SUPER BROKE and all but i spent $70 on black keys tickets. " i was like "...i'm going to murder your face!" but i got over it because i make his life kind of miserable and haven't been working/making much money lately, so i honestly don't blame him for wanting to go out and see the best band ever just once. so i was like, "k. but no more after this. this is your favorite band so i'm gonna let it go. but after this, you're on house arrest."

yesterday i was starting to get really jealous of his shiny tickets, and i have been playing this track on repeat in my office, and i was all "you and your $70 ticket can bite me" and he was like "you DO know you have one too, right?" i made this face: ...D:

this is what ADD does, you guys, it makes it very hard to catch even the most pertinent information @_@

so yeah. pit tickets for the both of us, that's why they were so spendy. i'm not letting him spend anything else on anything unless it's survival-based, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't excited as fuck.

in other news, i know i'm quiet but i am working and you'll see another flood of colors and body parts soon. wait for it. those nifty progress bars on my commission docket have been climbing slowly but surely, but i know i'm like a ninja.

OH. and my ADD meds are possibly going to go from an out-of-pocket $160 a month (i know, right) to something like $30, which will mean you'll see me more because a) I'll actually HAVE them and manage my time better and b) won't be so broke I'm crying in a corner somewhere. apparently all my psych had to do was file a "prior authorization" with the pharmacy, which they then report to the insurance co. we thought the insurance company was supposed to just outright deny coverage for adult ADD meds, but apparently it just takes the psychiatrist ringing them up and going "no, dumbass, i've met with her and she's a hilarious mess without 'em, so quit whining and pay for it."

-hd

...you guys know I suck at reading books.

ADD means that no matter how engrossing a read, I can't stop my brain from wandering off mid-paragraph. I have struggled with it for years. It didn't matter how deeply involved my mind was, I would find myself having to read and re-read page after page, eventually throwing the book down and stopping 2/5 of the way through a really amazing book and never finishing. I would think about that book on my shelf and just feel immense guilt, but my brain just cannot stand it when I'm not multitasking. The story can be life-changingly awesome, but my brain wants me to be doing at least two more things while my eyes are drifting across the pages. It's been a huge problem. It only worked for me in high school, when I was sneaking pages of the very first Harry Potter novel -- and that's because I was "multitasking" listening to French or Economics lessons while being somewhere far, far away.

Thankfully, I did find the cure: audiobooks. Audiobooks and my commission work. I buy the audiobook version of any book I really know I want to read, and I let it be read to me as I work on other people's commissions. It's a great way to keep my mind engrossed as I'm engaging my subconscious with my usual artistic process.

Gone are the times where I get six chapters in only to realize I have to re-read an entire chapter because I missed six pages in a row while my brain was drifting off to when I ate lunch or whether or not I answered that email or whatever. And the Hunger Games, which I finally started about a month ago, actually got me so into the story that when I finally got to the third book, Mockingjay, I was willing to buy the actual words-you-have-to-read-with-your-eyeballs book, put it on my iPad, and read it nightly as I lay down for bed.

I guess that's my big pitch: the book is good enough that even with my horrible ADD, I am reading it in (more or less) the traditional sense. I did have all three audiobooks, but about 5% into book three I acquired the "real" e-book and have been reading it page-for-page on my own time, with my own eyeballs, each night.

And goddamnit, I can't put it down. Yes, I've dragged out the reading of them, but it's been a conscious effort. I've been reading 20-30% of a book at a time and I've forced myself to stop for days for fear that I'll end the series too quickly if I don't make myself stop. It's that good.

This series has made me cry at LEAST three times by my count, maybe four. And books have never made me cry. Even movies have had a hard time of that. For you fans of the series, all I have to say is this:

Rue.

Rue, and the people's gesture of thanks. You know what I'm talking about, I don't have to explain it. I can't say much more than that, though; it's just goddamn about time this generation got a heroine in young adult fiction that actually deserved the title.

I love Katniss. She has flaws -- and not the cop-out, "she can't be fat, she can't be mean, so she must be clumsy" Hollywood Rom-Com (or *cough*Twilight*cough*) flaws. She thinks some truly horrible things at times. Human things. We all have our bad days. It's what makes her good moments so truly good.

And to that end, she has powerfully admirable qualities. She knows how to weigh her priorities. I would argue that she is, at least among the popular books, this generation's best candidate for a strong, deserving heroine.

In case you know absolutely NOTHING about this series: first, lucky you. Second, there's a film series being produced (again, lucky you). Go see.

I've even considered when I was at my height of fandom for this series -- when I realized I wouldn't shut up about it, when the mere mention of it by someone else made the hairs on my neck stand on end -- oh god, what if I'm just like one of those Twihards who is totally into a series that really isn't that good, isn't well-written, doesn't send a good message to its readers? What if I've been sucked into a series that isn't that great for kids, but I'm blinded by my fandom?

But I realized just a few days later, as I was reading the third book -- Mockingjay -- that there's no way that could be. Without causing a spoiler alert, all I can say is that Suzanne Collins -- while her writing is VERY simple and easy to follow -- knows how to avoid being totally and utterly predictable. Katniss isn't the perfect symbol of rebellion. Gold does not spill everywhere she steps. And that's exactly why following her is so enriching.

My Dad, who is so Conservative it hurts but is enough of a well-read horror and sci-fi fan that he's willing to put aside his impulse to presume the book has some liberal agenda, suggested (to my joy) that it may be "my generation's nod to the horror of Orwellian totalitarianism", and I think that's a pretty apt assessment. I think I may have even convinced him to read them. While my father has a bad habit of citing subjective Conservative websites for information that is supposed to sway my political opinions and still refuses to admit he's is a Deist rather than Christian, like so many of America's founding fathers who he admires so much... (as an atheist I love to butt heads with him on this topic, being a huge fan of the FFs myself and bucking the usual "young whippersnapper" archetype with a more Federalist view that I know he can appreciate) ...He is a very smart man, and his fictional literary tastes have always been good guidelines for me. So it always makes me happy to say, "here, Daddy, read this" and have him oblidge. I feel it's the least I can do to pay him back for giving me good guidance in fiction as a kid.

I wanted to say that I'm sorry that King is the only author we could really share, but if you really think about it, that's not a small hand-me-down; King's really been almost like a full genre unto himself. Bradbury, even Vonnegut, they all -- to me -- had a distinct flavor that very much deserves individual readings, but I feel like King was really the basket that came along in just the right way to share those styles and package them all up nice and neat for my generation to read and digest.

I have my favorites from both -- Cat's Cradle and Fahrenheit 451, if I have to name them -- I read my share of both, but they both seemed to reach me in this "through a pane of glass, almost, but not quite" sort of way; King seemed to make the connection, for me. Even with his funny little quirks, I felt like he was the spark of electricity that finally made it from the carpet fibers to the tips of my toes. I'll always thank my Dad for that, even though I'm a fickle and impatient reader.

I am trying to get him to read more fiction, nowadays, as I worry all he reads now are non-fictional political works, and I miss reading his Stephen King-inspired short stories where you realize halfway through that you're sitting in a boat with a man narrating a tale about how he drowned after a fight with his wife. I mean, I think that kind of creativity deserves to be fostered, and if it takes forcing my Dad to read a young adult fiction series that I can vouch for (for God's sake, he went to see the film for Twilight: Breaking Dawn OF HIS OWN ACCORD WITHOUT A TEENAGE GIRL IN THE HOUSE, what the hell! -- in his defense, our hometown has a movie theatre with two screens that change every four months, and there's not much else to do, but FUCK, Twilight?!) then I'm willing to take that risk. X3

I got off course, but my point stands. You, general FA audience, will most likely love at least one of the characters in the Hunger Games, if not many. Someone will reach out and grab you and make you deeply care about District 12 or District 8 or District 9 or some poor sod in the Capitol who doesn't understand just how deprived they really are. It's enough to almost make you fantasize about being right there with those people (damn -- district 11 -- well, you don't get to pick where the Capitol puts you, which just enforces the point even more), enough to wonder if you could hack it among them. Most of us couldn't, but it makes you want to shut up about all the things you bitch about daily and try being a little tougher. That's a good thing to say for fiction, isn't it?

I guess what I'm rambling about here at 5 am is, if you haven't read these books, read them, dummy.

HD out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qyjc4tIJK4Q

my eyes are raw. it's not that i loved christopher hitchens so much while he was alive (to date i've only finished one of his books, shame on me, though it had a powerful effect); it's just that the sense of community that emerged upon his passing -- an event we had all been prepared for for at least a year since we all knew he had aggressive cancer -- it's just more than i thought i could handle.

i didn't think i'd even be able to afford the whiskey to toast the sonovabitch, but by some kind of xmas miracle, my husband just happened to bring home the exact liquor he loved so much after a Yankee Swap party.

so, here's to you, hitch -- you made me think and you infuriated me and we loved you. thanks for making life so interesting while you were here. i'm raising my glass to you.

My huge undertaking for  anzel is finally done. It was a rough trip, but we made it, and I've learned a lot about taking on gigantic projects! ^_^ Thankfully, my clients who have been in wait have been nothing but amazingly patient and Anzel himself was really great to work with even when I got so exhausted of working on the same stuff day in and day out. I'll be honest... it's really a horrible feeling when you get to do a job -- a job that makes you money and that is something that you enjoy -- and you wake up not wanting to do it sometimes.

I had that experience as a voice actress for the first time about two years in, and when I realized I was having that feeling one morning as I was getting dressed to go into the studio, I felt like I was going to collapse with guilt. I thought, what the hell gives me the right to NOT want to go in to a job that is awesome in every way? But the truth of the matter is, no matter how awesome it is, work is work, and there will always be a day or two when you just don't feel up to it. There are fewer of them if you love what you do, but they DO happen, and there's nothing you can do but learn from that and try to appreciate what you have in spite of it.

That said, I think that once you get over those days you just come back appreciating what you have all the more, so there's something to be said for that kind of guilt. ;)

Bleh, I promised I wouldn't do another one of my "dear god why doesn't she stop talking" journals, but here I go again. I am working on Koyote and Leilani's piece this morning (my first time touching anything not Raider's-Companion-related in over a month) -- I'd say it's probably 40% colored, but it's got a pretty intense background so it's hard to guess. I'm really getting bad at estimating the time it takes me to finish anything these days! D:

For those of you who've waited this long, and Anzel, too, I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. I really wouldn't have survived the past two months if you hadn't all been so kind. I haven't heard a single harsh or impatient word, no negativity WHATSOEVER. And it's been rough for me, emotionally, for reasons I'm not even sure I can articulate. I haven't been feeling "up to snuff" for a while, but perhaps it's just the stress of having a "big project that needs to get done". Either way, if it wasn't for you guys being so amazingly kind, I don't think I could have gotten through it all.

I'm going to take an hour today and write each of you a personal email, I think, because these heartfelt-yet-general posts always feel like they come out sounding hollow or impersonal no matter how much I try to express my genuine appreciation. But hopefully you understand.

Back to work~

Oh. And since I have eight (eight!!!) shaded inks to post from the Raider's Companion, I'm not going to spam FA with them all at once. I'll post a couple a day over the next week. :)

xo

Okay. So. Still pulling myself up out of the muck, but now everyone on my docket has either sketches, inks, or partial colors (thank you all so much for your patience!) -- so I have to go back and work on  anzel's B&W images for the Raider's Companion. Those will take much, much less time, but I should start cranking them out now that I know everyone on my list has a little something to hold on to for now.

Speaking of which...

We've only got 10 days to go, and we're still short $715 out of $4000 for the Kickstarter project. :) I did post about it about a week ago but I didn't see any takers. That's okay! I don't wanna guilt you. But in case you forgot about it, there are still some awesome rewards, and I'll sleep a lot easier knowing we hit the goal. <3

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects.....to-for-raiding

Remember, if we don't hit the goal by 11 PM EST on November 24th, donations won't be withdrawn, but of course, we won't get to print the book, so... *puppy eyes* $10 gets you my dragon print, $20 gets you a signed copy of the book. :D

Okay, back to work!

http://pl.st/p/22684910859

(those of you who aren't in the U.S. might be out of luck. The track list is here in case you're REALLY that interested!)

I was going to wait until the end of the year to post this, but considering how distracted I get lately, I should probably just do it now. :D The following are the songs that raped my iTunes the most this year.

---

The Black Keys - Howlin' For You
Heard in many a trailer and film in 2011, this song is as fun as a shoplifting spree without the jail time.

The Runaways - Cherry Bomb
Holy shit, an oldie. I discovered the Runaways this year thanks to the feature film (Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart, I love you -- I hate Twilight, but I love you). These ladies were rocking before I was born, but damned if I care. I may be late to the party, but they're still relevant.

The Prodigy - Invaders Must Die
The original is just fucking sexy. The remix (closing the playlist) makes me want to race cars and punch people. It feels fantastic..

The Black Keys - I Got Mine
My husband and his band play this song so regularly that I forgot it was a Black Keys song. I heard it enough when he first got the vinyl, and I think hearing it for 4 hours a day for weeks straight wiped that from my memory. It's still a badass song.

Led Zeppelin - When the Levy Breaks
At last, Cory can see that I like one classic rock song and will get off my fucking back. But on the serious, I was surprised how much I loved it -- even though my first time really listening to it was decades after the album was cut.

The Strokes - Under Cover of Darkness
Julian Casablancas is a god on his own, but with the rest of the Strokes he's elevated to cosmic levels. This is my favorite song from the newest album, Angles, and the video is equally awesome.

Silversun Pickups - Panic Switch
Silversun Pickups are, essentially, a less catchy Mew; too bad no one else seems to know who Mew are. This song, while sticking to convention, is a fun distraction. Plus, the lead singer sounds like the guy from Kill Hannah. I've never bothered to Google and find out if it's the same guy, but if it is, you would not see my shocked face.

Julian Casablancas - Out of the Blue
An old favorite from Julian's solo album. I've heard it probably 50 times, and it doesn't seem to be getting old anytime soon.

Florence and the Machine - Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up)
I admit, I've given FatM a fair shake several times, and on the whole, I never managed to become a massive fan, but this song really gets me. It's gorgeous, and you really don't find poignant lyrics like that these days.

Marina and the Diamonds - The Outsider
I can't lie; Azelyn introduced me to Marina and I absolutely love every single track from this album. That hasn't happened to me since Tori. The Outsider is one of those tracks you hear the first play-through and you rank it somewhere in the middle, only to come back later and decide it's completing for #1.

3oh!3 - Don't Trust Me
A guilty pleasure, this song. 3oh!3 is, as Cory puts it, what the Lonely Island would be if the public had no idea they weren't serious. I don't know what it is about "Don't Trust Me", but it's catchy and it makes me laugh at the same time as being a song I can forget is silly. The version in the playlist is the weird cut with some rap in it at the beginning only to cut into, y'know, pretty much the normal song. Why do people bother doing that? X3 oh well. You get the gist anyway.

La Roux - Bulletproof
Another guilty pleasure. La Roux is like Eurhythmics meets the new millenium club scene, perhaps less Annie Lenox's fierceness. It's still fun.

---

What do I want for Xmas? Anyone who wants, make me a playlist. :D Think of things that remind you of me, my characters, or what-the-hell-ever. :D It costs nothing and it would mean a lot to me.

xo

LOL. I just couldn't come up with an interesting title for a typical update journal. They're all gonna be wacky from here on out.


Quick update, since I know my rambly journals tend to irritate folks (I need an editor).

Of course, no journal is complete without the shameless self-plug! The Raider's Companion is at 48% of its funding and we've got only 20 days to go. A kickstarter project isn't simply based on donations; if it doesn't get its full funding at the end of 32 days, all of the money is returned to its supporters and we get nothing.

So, if you want to help Adam continue an illustrious career of writing nerdy, gaming-based literature to get you through that virtual job you toil at in your free time, please stop by and drop a few pennies in the jar. Kickstarter accepts credit cards via Amazon payments. Remember that $10 gets you a print of the epic battle scene I've painted for the cover of the book.

Some new, smaller supporter gifts are going to be added soon. But remember, a higher donation level will get you the smaller thank-you gifts as well!

[ Click here to help us out! ]


So, then: My health is stabilizing, though my weight has begun to slowly drop again (after a month-long plateau) since I've switched to the new medication. On that front, no major, horrific side-effects minus a little nausea a few hours after taking it. I'm hoping I get used to it -- it's not a show stopper.

Er. I said this'd be brief, so let me cut it short. For those of you on my list right now, I've decided to go through and at least get you all your sketches. Normally I try to work one-at-a-time, so my list doesn't stay perpetually long. But, in this case, I think it's better that everyone at least get a little something to hold on to while I finish up.

Thank you all for being so patient. <3 I haven't heard one complaint. I really do get the best people to work with here at FA, and I remind myself of that every time I'm having a bad day.

Once the list is clear and the brunt of my work for the Raider's Companion is mostly finished, I plan on doing regular "freebie" streams with the option of tips. I need practice and I want to spend a little time doing quicker, easier work to free me up for hardcore sessions of anatomy, cloth, and environment practice.

Hope everyone's November is going well!

-HD

cory and i went to the annual halloween party with our friend circle this year. we didn't plan to do costumes until like, a week ago, when and her husband said they'd be doing venture bros.-themed costumes. we decided we'd quit whining and pitch in, so we joined them.

http://instagr.am/p/SBOBJ/?ref=nf

unfortunately our friends didn't manage to pull it together because of life issues (we so understand), and literally no one at this party of 40+ people recognized who we were supposed to be, which is bloody depressing. but we still won best couple's costume, so i guess that's something. :D

the party theme was superheroes and supervillains, so we thought we'd fit in pretty well. sadly, as usual, only about 30% of people who dressed up actually stuck to the theme. i was really looking forward to nerding out over all the costumes! as for us, yes, there were jokes about a married couple playing father and daughter in costume. X3 we didn't care, we both loved those characters and have wanted to dress up like them for years. :D

i hope i can get a hold of some better pics from the party. as usual we didn't take many.

<3

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects.....o-for-raiding/

Hey, nerds. <3 The Kickstarter project for the upcoming book for which I've designed a full-color poster and the book cover/jacket design needs your help.

We're at 30%, but anything you can do to support us will help get us to the finish line. $10 gets you the poster; $20 also gets you the book, $50 also gets you the signed hardcover. :) There are other, more awesome rewards, too. If we don't get full funding at the end of the 32 days we don't get anything at all, so if the book sounds like something you'd like to read (or you just want a copy of the poster I spent the past month painting), help us out. <3

Here's a sneak peek of the not-quite-finished poster/book cover design.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/9469674/Com.....g2-current.jpg

Spread the word, too, please! <3

P.S. Yes, that is Naoki in a cameo as the floaty summoner-mage. :D

It's been one health issue after another, as well as some surprise life issues (which you guys have been told about), but I swear to God I have no common sense.

Remember that whole thing with the fire/smoke scare and me saying how my eyes hurt and how freaked out I was and how I hurt my hand? I took a day off and then a day later my eyes started bothering me REALLY badly. I constantly felt the need to rub them, and probably put a lot of strain on the muscles around them squinting, widening them, squeezing them shut and just generally trying to figure out WTF was wrong all of the sudden.

I thought, it must be the makeup I put on the other day, or allergies I've never had before, or my ADD medication giving me problems, or cigarette smoke from a party I went to.

Not once did I think "oh right, I was in a house full of smoke with my eyes open and they burned for the rest of the day."

DERP.

So I couldn't work for like, two days because staring at computer monitors for even 2 minutes was doing my eyes in... unfortunately I was stupid enough to force it for the first day, which made things worse -- I have a massive project due and I'm almost done with it, but it's a little behind schedule and I wanted to just shut up and try to finish it. Kind of a mistake.

Thankfully I went to the pharmacy and picked up some eye drops, have been using them, and my eyes are mostly healed now. But seriously, guys, I really wish I had more common sense... then again, even Cory said he felt like an idiot when he didn't think of it until I finally brought it up.

*head to desk* But, now I have eye drops for day and for night and I should be able to take better care of my eyes. Did you know they make eye lubricant gel that's just for nighttime, that keeps your eyes from drying out and opening up while you're asleep (which can be a cause of dry eyes in the morning)? It's bizarre. You put it in but it like, glosses over your vision and you can't see. X3 Creepy!

In other news, I ditched my old psychiatrist and got a new one. She is WONDERFUL. Very classy lady, very warm, and has a big, posh office on the 7th floor of a high rise downtown. She even put in an order to have me get some blood work done, suggesting that perhaps I have an issue with my thyroid that could be related to my weight/attention/sleep problems. Since my doctor didn't test for it we're going to go ahead and get that done.

I was only there for maybe 30-45 minutes and she got my entire life story, family history, medical history, and pretty much now knows everything about me just because she knew to ask the right questions. My previous psychiatrist had an office that felt more like a closet and didn't really seem to give a damn about anything but getting me in and out as fast as possible. Happy to be done with him. :/ Did I mention I tried to call him over and over to tell him I couldn't make my last appointment, never got through, and he never even called to check in? Screw that guy. Dr. Brown (new psychiatrist) even knew my regular doctor and my counselor by name! In Houston! This is a huge city, that's really a good sign.

The sad part is, this awesome, accredited psychiatrist with rave reviews costs exactly the same for me to see as the guy who acted like he hated me, had no voice mail or secretary, and took six phone calls every time I was sitting in his office. I feel like such a dunce for staying with him for 3 months. I'm so non-confrontational that I just guess I thought I couldn't do any better and I wouldn't have dared ask him to be less of a jerk. But I digress. Live and learn!

She also is switching me to Vyvanse from Adderall -- I was concerned about this, but I wasn't going to have a choice in the matter, anyway; there's a massive shortage in the chemicals used to make the latter, and after doing some research I've learned that Vyvanse is better in a ton of ways, anyhow. It's also harder to abuse because if the way it's packaged (capsules, not crushable pills) so hopefully my insurance company will stop giving me a hard time about helping to pay for it.

We're still broke but as soon as the medication stuff sorts itself out and my eyes are totally better I should hack through that queue like butter. It's seriously been a weird couple of months. ; ;

Thanks for the support. Back to work!

i didn't post about this the day it happened, because i was kind of in shock, and i ended up too injured to actually do the typing it would have taken. seeing as i've recovered, i figured i'd finally share.

two days ago i was at home, working. headphones were on, i was enjoying a pretty typical day for me lately.

i heard what sounded a little like sirens, but i was listening to a new audio track -- a soundscape, you know, with binaural beats -- the kind designed to train your brain to certain frequencies -- and didn't realize it wasn't part of it. my headphones are pretty good. but the track finally ended and i realized the sirens were actually EVERY SINGLE SMOKE ALARM IN THE HOUSE GOING OFF.

i assume cory's mom/brother are cooking downstairs... the smoke alarms go off occasionally because they can be a little forgetful.

i open the door to my office, which is upstairs, and am greeted with smoke. billowing, vision-obscuring smoke. my eyes immediately start burning and i can't see anything.

i dash downstairs, assuming maybe someone made toast and forgot about it. no one else is home.

i run into the kitchen but i can't see anything. the back door is open, but no windows are open. cory's mother and brother are apparently gone and i have no idea where the smoke is coming from. i dash into the kitchen and try to find the source of the smoke but i can't see. i'm finally able to wave the smoke away enough to see that someone has set the oven to "self-clean". i try to frantically hammer every button to turn it off, but i can't. but i can't stand there fiddling with it because i'm inhaling dense smoke and my eyes are burning so badly i'm vocalizing with the pain of it, so i dash out the back door for air.

i take a moment and realize cory's mother, my mother-in-law, set the oven to "self-clean" and then just left the house with cory's brother. no warning, no assumption that anything bad was going to happen.

i start freaking out. the entire house is full of smoke, every alarm in the house is going off so loudly i can barely think and the neighbors are already starting to come out of their houses, puzzled, wondering what the hell is going on. i run back inside, covering my mouth, trying to get enough breath stored up to get to the oven and figure out how to disable the self-clean function. i fail and run back outside, cough violently, and throw up.

this happens several more times. the entire time i'm trying to call cory on his cell, hoping he has his mother's cell # so he can call her and tell her to get back home and undo whatever fresh hell she's unleashed. her cell is sitting on the kitchen counter.

i realize that smoke rises, and my sugargliders are in my office, upstairs, totally unprotected. i run upstairs, nearly killing myself in the process, and run into the game room. i throw the blinds on all the windows and proceed to try to wrench the windows open -- windows which are painted shut -- and immediately rip off three of the five fingernails on my right hand in doing so.

i run to my office (where echo and topher's cage is) and, luckily, am able to quickly open the window. i shut the door and drop a towel on the floor, blocking the crack, and struggle to call my husband. i leave voice mails at his work and on his cell. i text every number he could possibly check and call constantly, because i can't even go inside to deal with the situation. the smoke is too thick and my eyes are burning so badly i can't step back in for more than a few seconds. i totally lose my ability to think straight. i'm not good under moderate pressure. if the house had been on fire, i could have probably carried out a dozen small children, but the house is just full of smoke and i've managed to shut the oven off, so i'm stuck in temporary catatonia. i'm not sure if i'm over-reacting or under-reacting. i need his help.

when he finally gets back to the office from a lunch break with his coworkers, i tearfully tell him what's happened. i'm a mess. he tells his boss he has to run home because of an emergency and hurries back. the alarms have already stopped ringing, the smoke is still thick but is slowly starting to clear, but i beg him to come home anyway because i'm a wreck and i can't reach most of the fans or open most of the windows.

when he finally makes it to the house to help me turn on fans too high for me to reach, open the remaining windows, locate fans in the garage to set up in the windows and blow out the smoke, and assess the damage, i'm nearly catatonic. when cory's mom makes it back home from lunch, she is puzzled, but hardly apologetic. i get a "huh." that's what i get. a puzzled, dismissive "huh". like "that's weird." no, it fucking isn't.

i love her, i love his family, but for fuck's sake, i can't take much more of this. the economy isn't great right now, and i love having my own office, but the lack of control we have over our living situation due to their irresponsible and casual approach to existence is really going to put me into an early grave.

cory did call her and insist that she apologize -- "sure, duh, it wasn't intended but you should still apologize" -- I really appreciated that. but this added to the fact that it was cory's mother and brother that led to scrambles getting lost in february (a month-long hell and a disaster only narrowly averted by what this atheist still can only consider a miracle), that they both REFUSE to lock the doors at night no matter how much i bitch and whine (even after some 12-year-old kid wandered into our house in the middle of the day because he "thought it would be funny"), and the fact that we have a roach problem due to the fact that they don't seem to equate leaving food out after cooking, all night long = roaches, and then want to bomb the house when i have two very sensitive, very fragile, VERY EXPENSIVE MARSUPIALS up here -- for fuck's sake, i can't deal.

i got scrambles a new collar (cory's mother and brother let her get lost by leaving the front door open and taking off her collar/tags) -- and i said, firmly and almost angrily this time, "the collar is not to come off FOR ANY REASON", and within three fucking hours i come out and it's off, because cory's brother wanted to take her for a walk and took it off because it interfered with her harness.

i don't want to yell at jesse because he has asperger's and i know his thought processes aren't exactly normal (and i do love him), but i'm at wit's end over scrambles' safety because losing her in february just about killed me. if the collar comes off again i will absolutely take no issue with threatening him with physical violence for a third infraction. i want to be fair, i want to be understanding, but i have limits.

i am fucking tired of people disregarding my wishes, when i seem to be the only person with any kind of safety in mind. it's really, REALLY pissing me off. i am not the type of person to bottle-and-blow -- i say what i feel, when i feel it, but it doesn't seem to do me any good. no one listens. maybe it's because i say what i feel immediately that it always seems so mild by comparison. maybe i SHOULD bottle my feelings. maybe then my blow-ups would be impressive enough to scare these people into doing what i ask.

i was scared all day that echo and topher would get sick and die from the smoke that ended up flowing upstairs.. all night i waited for them to wake up and come out so i'd be sure they were okay. they didn't wake up at first... i begged cory to come up and check on them for me, because i knew i'd lose my shit if i was the one who'd find them dead after his mom let the house fill up with smoke. he pushed on their pouch and made a bunch of noise and the pouch was dead weight.

i actually fell back against the wall with my hand clasped over my mouth, THISCLOSE to breaking into sobs, and he gave me this look of combined disgust and fear when he had a moment of realization that maybe i wasn't being paranoid... then he opened the cage and lifted the pouch, and oh my god, the joy i felt at the sound of their screeching and crabbing at being disturbed. most glorious sound i've ever heard.


so, yes, good news, echo and topher are totally fine. after cory's mom nearly caused me to lose my dog, this incidence of her absentminded carelessness didn't cause me to lose echo and topher. if i'd had to call whitney and tell her "i'm sorry, but the babies you entrusted to me didn't make it", i would have been guilt-ridden for years. thank god i didn't have to do that.

again. she's a good, kind woman. there are worse mother-in-laws to have. but still.

but fucking seriously, we need to make more money and get out on our own again... i can't deal with having so little control over my life situation anymore.

naturally, the downstairs part of the house has cleared out thanks to the six windows we opened. the upstairs -- which only cory and i really deal with -- smells like hell. absolute hell. so, of course, to cory's mother and brother, it's like it never even happened. it's upsetting, if i'm allowed an understatement.

many thanks to anzel and all of my clients for putting up with me for two more days while i waited for my hand to stop hurting after ripping my fingernails to shit trying to bust open the windows. and many thanks to azelyn for letting me sob over text messages and giving me the angry support you need from a friend in a time like this. she really kept me from punching a wall.

good lord, life needs to calm the hell down for a while.


i realize this whole journal is really whiny, and for that i'm sorry. there are much much worse things that can happen to you. i'm glad it was only a house full of smoke and that no one was hurt. i'm happy to have a roof over my head that COULD be filled to the brim with smoke, and that it didn't burn down. i'm glad i only had to deal with a day of burning eyes and a hurt hand and nothing else. it doesn't make it pleasant. pain is experience and all that. i just don't want another "event" like this for a while. i need a break.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much. :3 You guys will see in about a week and a half what's been keeping me so quiet. Another project for  anzel -- another book cover. This is what I'd classify as a "project", fersure. When he approached me for it I was like "oh, totes!" and then after about 2 weeks I was like "ohgodwhathaveIagreedto". But it's good practice, and I needed it... it's just, y'know, it can be a little soul-crushing at times.

For those of you still waiting on me, once this is done you'll see your projects wrapped up snippy-snap (but at the highest quality I can offer, I assure you). Believe me, I'm not loving being totally broke this month either, but this is the price you pay for working on a Big Project. It's kind of like an internship that way.

I love working with Anzel. He's a great writer and has the best attitude -- he's always positive, never afraid to offer his suggestions or ask for changes but it always feels like a wonderful dynamic. Freelancers often struggle with clients who want the impossible or ask for too much for too little, and he has never fallen to that stereotype. I love working with him. I love all of my "normal" commission clients, too, but I do apologize to those of you who are still waiting a little longer than my regular waiting list time. This is pretty unusual for me, I admit, but I've had a bit of a rough time here at the old homestead. It's getting better, though, I promise.

Health seems stable. I have a few things I'm a little worried about... trying to bring myself to just shut up and go see a doctor. Nothing I want to disclose just yet, for fear of either a) tugging heartstrings that don't yet need to be tugged or b) worrying anyone into a tizzy over nothing but hopefully I'm okay. I did have blood taken for my first official visit with a new doctor and my husband says if they'd seen anything unusual in the blood they'd have called me, though I'm a bit dubious of such a rosy claim. Doesn't mean I won't go ahead and see a doctor if I worry a little too much, but you guys know I'm kind of a hypochondriac.

I've been very, very quiet these past few months, and I'm really sorry. ;_; My way of dealing with stress is to retreat into video games and to just avoid talking about whatever's bothering me. Some people bottle it up, and I seem to do the opposite -- I just pretend everything's peachy. I guess that's a form of bottling, and I know it's not healthy, but I try to be thankful for the little things and I tend to feel like, if I were going to die in a year I'd just want to not know until the last day. I'm not strong enough to deal with that kind of knowledge. I guess that's the kind of thinking that could get you killed over a simply-cured disease, but, well, maybe that's my fatal flaw.

Switching psychiatrists. The Indian guy was just too irritating. Curt, rude, took phone calls during my meetings -- and that wasn't so bad, but when I had to cancel last week I tried to warn him all week long and couldn't get him on the phone. I then tried to call him the entire 30 minutes I SHOULD have been in session with him, and either he never picked up the phone or the line was busy. I realized then that he didn't deserve my business, and I found another psychiatrist. So I'm seeing her on the 26th. I've managed to make my meds stretch out until then -- not taking them half the time, and it's been fine, really. I can get by on 1/3'd my dose or not at all. No big deal. I'll honestly just be glad to have another doctor who actually cares about me.

Our insurance hasn't paid for the ADD meds, because a) they can be abused and b) some people don't think it's a real condition deserving of reimbursement. I guess I understand that, but it's been rough on the wallet. It doesn't help that the bottle actually reads "methamphetamine salts". I actually laughed when I saw it. It's weird that it helps me so much day-to-day and yet it's pretty much a doctor-ordered version of drugs that I've seen put friends into the gutter. Life is funny that way. I'm not making calls and throwing a bitch fit, but to get a little assistance would be nice, since we're paying for insurance and, y'know, this is something that is helping me survive day to day. I can honestly say after 3 months that I'm a million times better now than I was before. Side-effects... well... I guess those are inevitable. But I'm able to focus now. I can handle a pile of bills without dissolving into a sobbing mess. That's something, I guess.

Going to spend the weekend after Thanksgiving with my Dad and his wife. I call her "his wife" because they've been married since I was sixteen, but she's always seemed to walk this line between seemingly hating my guts and wanting the best for me. She's an odd bird. A journalist from South Africa. She's really fascinating, if also incredibly infuriating. She's embarrassed and enraged me on more than one occasion, is judgmental to a fault, but when I've been in danger or financial crisis she's always expressed concern. I may say she annoys me, but I think it's cute that she's so weird and obnoxious at times. She's quirky, I guess. As my dad likes to say, "she has no filter between her brain and her mouth." I think she just has always been a little envious of the relationship my father and I have because she and her own father didn't really get along all the time... I try to be compassionate about that, because I can see the loneliness in her. I try to love her, because everyone is deserving of love. She doesn't mean to be brash and spazzy. I try to pretend her temper tantrums are cute and not ridiculous. X3 She makes my father happy, and I've seen the way he laughs and rolls his eyes when she acts like a brat. If he's happy, I'm happy. If he can let it roll off him like water off a duck's back, I can too. He's the happiest I've seen him my entire life, even if she seems totally insufferable at times.

Sometimes, salt and pepper just work. I don't try to understand it.

For serious though, when the Golden Turtle (the champagne-colored Ford Escort wagon my Dad got me at age 23) died last year in a horrible auto accident and they got us the shiny new red Jeep, and we went to pick it up from them and Cory's entire family came with, she flipped out and threw a hissy fit at the table where we were eating and stormed out -- no one had any idea why. turns out it's because Cory and I had brought up the subject of beer, St. Arnold's to be precise, and she was angry because she and Dad had been fighting over his having had ONE beer the night previous because he'd lost a bunch of weight after giving it up. Talk about awkward. At the time it was horribly weird for everyone, but in hindsight, it's textbook Lorraine. I've learned to, like my Dad, laugh, roll my eyes, and move on. She's quirky and can seem impossible, but you just have to shrug it off and go with it. She has a history of trying to ruin special occasions (one Thanksgiving she sarcastically thanked my friend Preston for showing up uninvited, humiliating me). But the reality is, I find it amusing, and at the end of the day, that's just Lorraine. I mean, there should be a little cutaway with a cartoon logo of her face going "That's Lorraine!" with some trumpet fanfare or something. It's not horrible, it's just her. I'm no peach on my worst days either, just... not quite so random and volatile, I should hope.

I digress.

Anyway, yes. Weekend after thanksgiving we're going to Beaver's Bend in Broken Bow, Oklahoma. My folks and I went there every summer when I was a kid. We were always broke but it was something we could afford. I haven't ridden a horse since I was 10, but you can do it there, so I look forward to it. Cory and my Dad will probably play guitar and bond around a bonfire, and I'll bring my laptop and write, and Dad and I will bond over the weirdness of my being married and we'll drink beer and talk about horror movies, and Lorraine will probably get angry and storm off because those are two things she hates, and I'll try to find it cute because what else can I do.

Anyway, hope to be more talkative soon. Anzel's project is kicking my ass, but it's awesome, and you guys will see the end result very very soon.

Prepare an ice pack for me, please. My head hurts.

x.o.
hd

Well, I was actually getting some work done after a week of slacking, only to have my side start to hurt, and then my back on the right side to a large degree. Pretty sure I know what it is, but seeing a doctor on Thursday anyway ;_; I swear to god, up until last year I never needed to see a doctor, and this year it's one fucking thing after another. It's like I hit 29 and the world was like "okay, that's enough coddling!"

I'd honestly made some good strides this week -- I spent a few days practicing rather than actually punching out commissions, so I'm a little behind, but I have a much better grip on my process and like the results more, so I know my clients will be happy, but...

I did maybe 3 hours of work today before the pain in my side/back became so bad that I HAD to stop just so I could sit back in my chair. Now, the chair isn't the cause of today's pain, but I wish I had some ergonomic way to make my Cintiq accessible while I'm sitting like this... I might try to buy one of those breakfast trays, but the arms on my office chair are both close together and rounded at the ends so it probably wouldn't stay put... >.< I need to find a solution, though, because as it is right now (without the probably-just-gas-but-seeing-a-doctor-anyway pains in my ribs and back) I'm causing myself a lot of long-term damage sitting this way when I work.

Bleh. I'm not kidding, though. I never had any health problems before this year. Any time I got sick it was because I didn't sleep well, didn't eat well, or didn't drink enough water when I imbibed. This year I've had at least five minor-but-really-inconvenient health problems (and one that could possibly be a lot less minor, don't know yet) that have required a doctor's visit. This is gettin' ridiculous, y'all.

I do know it could be so much worse (and honestly I'm hoping I don't find out it IS on Thursday), so I'll try to be happy. It's just a little bit scary. It's like how I always tell people that because I've never broken a bone or had surgery, the first major thing that happens to me will probably scare me so bad I'll give myself an ulcer or a heart attack.

Cory already calls me a hypochondriac, and the weird part is that I know that I'm very capable of giving myself phantom symptoms. But it's the reality that someday something WILL be wrong with me and I won't even be sure of it myself after being told so many times "you're fine, don't worry about it"... so I will wind up either ignoring something serious, or causing something serious because I'm worried I won't take it seriously if it is... *waves hand in a circle*

Gonna slack the rest of the night. Counting on those tips though, I'd love to be able to work without having the "but sitting that way hurts my back" excuse.

I'm a dork. That pic is my mousepad and I always love looking at Raen's face in it so I decided I wanted it as an icon for a while. LOL. Don't mind me.

I slept like 20 hours... poor Mr. Bean was whining for attention all day (he has anxiety issues) and I love him but I was just too tired to crawl out of bed, so I put my pillow over my head and waited for everybody else to get home so I could get the rest of my sleep. It's happening more and more lately -- he whines pretty much 24/7. Poor guy! But I can never seem to help him so I never know what to do. Having to let him out into the backyard and back inside literally every 5-10 minutes all day AND night is really starting to do me in and I try not to give in to him, but he's like thirteen years old and has always gotten his way long before I got here. He's a VERY good dog, but he's also very, very needy and not terribly well at this age.

Anyone have any advice? A dog door IS planned but we've been in kind of a money crunch lately and we'd probably have to buy a whole new door because we're renting, so... in the meantime? Anything we can do? Besides drugging the poor guy. :(

Anyway, back to work~

OH! p.s. :D I saw the first two episodes of the Playboy Club. Thought I was gonna hate it but it surprised me. I really dig it. >:D Plus Sean Maher (Simon Tam from Firefly) just came out (do I hear angels singing? I think I do), and he's playing a closeted gay man married to a lesbian bunny so... good drama AND drool factor. >:D Check it out.

...I have to filter through dozens upon dozens of journals either singing the praises of, or griping up a storm about, the new FA banner.

For goodness' sake, guys! Ask yourself: in two weeks, will this matter? ...in three DAYS, will this matter? No? Then maybe it isn't ever worth getting bent out of shape about it!

(No, I'm not an MLP fan. I honestly don't care. It's because I don't care that I'm seriously stumped by the overwhelmingly vocal responses something so small has turned up -- and remembering that it isn't much different than any OTHER banner change fallout in my memory.)

And yes, I realize the irony in my making a journal about this, and I know it's not going to minimize the number of journals in my list that regard a new banner when it is changed out, but I really just had to say something. It's really disappointing to see this -every- single -time-. :( The sheer amount of negativity over something SO trivial is staggering.

Phew. Okay. I'm really sorry about that, but I kind of needed to get that off my chest. Now that's out of my system, I'm going to bed to read comic books until I pass out. If you have any recommendations for me, I'm looking for something a little more whimsical to read after this, since the Walking Dead is giving me weird dreams. :/

I got an HDMI-DVI cable (thanks for the common sense suggestion,  serenfey) and hooked up my Cintiq to the laptop -- which you guys may or may not know I used for everything other than doing my art up until the arc PC had its little fainting spell a few days ago.

I guess it was dumb of me to never think that I could do five minutes of research to clear out my office space and reduce the amount of chair-turning and back-hurting that was going on, but while I'm smart in some ways, sometimes common sense totally evades me.

It took a night of program installing, driver-hunting, monitor calibrating, and desk-rearranging, but the Cintiq is hooked up to the laptop now and my space is much less overcrowded.

My plan for the art PC is to take it apart, clean it out, investigate what's broken and what's salvageable (my money is on replacing the fans and getting her mostly functional again), and to pass it on to Cory. He doesn't really have a computer of his own, just a crappy little netbook, but it's horrible for watching videos and can barely run Minecraft, so I think he deserves to have it. If the thermal paste is kaput like  azelyn suggested it might be, I'll look into seeing if I can handle replacing that myself, as well. I'm also going to go ahead and look for a decent power strip with a surge protector -- something I really shouldn't have been going without all this time, so if anyone has advice (like an amazon link) that'd be fantastic.

Working on the laptop now, it means if the power goes out, I at least have a battery backing up the work I'm doing. So no more "power randomly surges for half a second and I lose 10 minutes of work" situations. (My power likes to flicker a little more often than I'd like, and it's always when I'm working!) I would have avoided that if I'd had the aforementioned surge protector, but live and learn. ;)

Thanks to a generous donation by  Convel, I can afford to get at least two pretty decent fans. I really appreciate everyone's advice when I was freaking out -- I honestly can never get over how wonderful and supportive this community is. You really make me feel like one of your own.

So, the good news is, I only had to push my scheduled due dates for current commissions back a single day. I'm already back to work. Thanks to everyone, and I'm sure I'll be pestering you guys for advice again should my laptop decide to tank someday!

worse comes to worst and the HDMI cable won't work with my laptop for some freakish reason, i'll scrimp for a cheap graphire 2 again and use that. i still have the laptop, so i'm not totally out of work. it just may be a few days before i can make any more progress. ;;

hopefully i'll be able to investigate what's going on with the pc and fix whatever blew up.

sorry, guys. thanks.