I guess my last personal update was when I got pretty sick so I should probably do another one, been a while since then!

My spring semester this year went pretty well, despite some scares throughout. I spent the summer alternately resting and working at a local wildlife rehab. I learned a few things about handling wild birds and generally it was a great time, will definitely be going back on my other breaks.

Because my spring semester turned out fairly well I'm back to a full load for the fall. Definitely excited about my classes this coming semester, and raring to go as far as that is concerned. Hopefully it all turns out okay! I haven't been on a full load for a long time, so I'm nervous but excited to see if I can do it.

As far as art goes, I've been pretty slow and beyond commissions I don't want to push myself very much. It's still my hobby and I don't want it to ever not be fun for me, so hopefully you'll all forgive me being a bit sparser than I have been in previous years.

Cheers!

Hey everyone! I'm doing Art Fight this year, though things may be a little slow as I get back to working on other things. But figured I'd mention!

http://artfight.net/~Payne

A small one this time, but all the same!

CLOSED, THANK YOU!

Hey again!

I'm hoping to open for sketches, but more generally: I'm willing to take on both sketch trades and sketch commissions right now! If taken today or tomorrow, I would expect them to be done over the coming weekend.

If interested in purchasing a sketch, they start at $12 USD for uncolored sketches and $25 USD for colored sketches. Trades will be colored sketches unless otherwise requested. More information / examples can be found at my commission site.

I may be a bit pickier with trades, and I only want to take on two or three sketches total. If interested in either, or have questions, please comment or shoot me a note!

Closed for now, thank you!

Hey everyone! I'm finishing up the last round of my sketch orders, so I'd like to open for a few more! I'm hoping to put funds from this round towards a binder for myself since summer's coming up and layering is becoming less and less an option.

To that end, I'm open for black and white sketches starting at $12 USD and colored sketches starting at $25 USD. Examples and information can be found over at my commissions page. Extra examples can be found at my art blog.

If interested or have questions feel free to leave a comment, toss me a note, or shoot me an email at crookedkindart@gmail.com!

Just a few artists I think deserve some more attention!




Hey everyone! Wanted to update that I am opening just a few commission slots for March. I expect smaller orders to be completed within the next two weeks or so, though larger or more complicated orders may take longer.

That said, if interested, my information (including examples, rates, and terms) can be found on my commissions page: http://crookedkindart.weebly.com/

If interested or have questions, please shoot me either a note here or an email at crookedkindart@gmail.com. Thanks!

Only a few, but some I'd like to trade off! Taking offers of other designs (will not accept species adopts) and art; no currency please. May add more to the folder later.

http://toyhou.se/Home/characters/folder:173194/

Hello!

For anyone who may have commissioned me in the past, you will know that I deliver commission files either by email or Dropbox links. This is a quick note for those who have gotten files from me via Dropbox.

Dropbox is discontinuing the ability for grandfathered accounts to share via direct links, so all links given to Dropbox files of mine will become defunct on March 15th. Please be sure to save any files given to you before that date, as I believe at that point the links will break and you will have to contact me directly to get an updated link.

For all others: This only has to do with grandfathered accounts who have been able to directly link to files! The standard public sharing link for Dropbox files that most accounts use will still work and be available. If anyone has any questions or is confused, please ask.

Thank you!

Wanted to post a general public update since this is a smaller hiccup but a hiccup nonetheless.

I've been having some recurring health issues that culminated in being hospitalized earlier this week. I'm spending the rest of the week figuring out paperwork for going forward, but am hoping to hit the ground running come next week.

Thanks, and I hope everyone has a good day!

maybe it might be good to be a tiny bit personable over here

My name’s Payne; you can call me that or Home, I don't really care. I’m in my early 20's, and am biology student with a specific focus on ornithology. I live in rural Illinois but go to school in Los Angeles, so a little bit of both extremes there. I like pretty much all music but I’m a big Coheed fan. I'm also into Dark Souls and GW2.

Uhh I’m really open about a bunch of things, so more personal notes: I’m nonbinary, have been on HRT for a few years now, am open to talking about that sort of thing. I’m bipolar and am fairly open to talking about that and some other stuff I have going on should that be of any help to anyone. I've been in mentor positions for both types of issues before so I try to help as much as I can.

jazz hands that’s kind of the rundown, I probably don’t come off as super amicable but I'm usually hanging around. I also hang around in these places if that's handy:

http://crookedkind.tumblr.com/
http://housekeys.deviantart.com/
https://twitter.com/daemologist

Not leaving or anything, but every once in a while I like to remind folks of other places I am!

http://crookedkind.tumblr.com/ (regular uploads)
http://housekeys.deviantart.com/ (scattered uploads)
https://twitter.com/daemologist (semi-regular uploads w/ personal talk)

Just a quick one, since I think it's been like. At least a year since I asked something similar.

How did you find me here and what made you watch?

Hi everyone!

I'm going to go ahead and open up for bitesized commissions over here; I've done a few for myself and others and am pretty comfy with 'em now!

They're $15 USD each at present. You can see some examples here (link). When ordering you'll get one at that size and one at working size, which usually works out to be around ~800px.

If interested or if you have any questions, just send me a note! Thanks!

Hi!

Just a reminder that you can find my art blog over here: http://crookedkind.tumblr.com/

I don't post everything here and sometimes I forget for a while, but that blog gets most things and usually gets a couple posts a week at least. So! If that's up your alley go for it.

Well another year's gone around and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's stuck around, new and old! It was a rough one for a lot of different reasons, and that just makes me all the more grateful.

Thank you for the support, the business, the comments, the watches, all of it. Even if I'm usually too much of a nervous nit to be all that social anymore, haha.

Still moving through my bigger orders but! I’d like to take on a few smaller ones to work on in the little gaps between finals this week.

I do fullbody b/w sketches (example) for $12 and fullbody color sketches (example) for $20 (USD). My art blog (link) has 20 billion additional examples, and my commission sheet (link) has specifics should you need them.

If interested or have questions, feel free to hit me up here via note. Thanks!

edit: Got what we need, so I'll be closed until December!

Hi everyone! My partner and I are going to be at CTNX this year, and we've got pretty much everything bought and squared away. At this point we just need to make up some funds for food and gas while we're there. So!

All of my commission types are currently open, and any work taken on will be done before we leave (on the 19th). My commission sheet is over here (link), and if you're interested in something not on it feel free to let me know and we can talk it out!

If you're interested in anything or have any questions, please send me a note when you can. Thanks!

OKAY now that there's. Some. Sort of kind of semblance of gallery management I'm going to be sorting through things over the next week or so. I'll be moving things around more to match how I have my Weasyl sorted, and will likely be deleting some things I no longer want posted here.

If there's a commission of yours I have posted, especially if it's older, please be sure you have the image saved in the event that I choose to delete it here. I don't always have backups to provide should you lose your copy, since this gallery spans several years.

What with everything going down on FAF and the downtime and all, probably a good time to remind folks that I post a good portion of my stuff just to Tumblr nowadays.

I'm always scared of posting too frequently / too much of the same thing in galleries, so only a small selection ends up here. My art blog is over here (link) and has pretty much everything. It only has art posts, and then about once a week, so no dash-clutter if you're considering following.

Cheers!

Current slots all filled up! I'll repost if there's another opening if folks are still interested.

SO between covering textbooks and wanting to get more examples of this sort of thing under my belt, I'm offering a couple slots for gore-involving commissions.

These slots are for basically any kind of gore thing (example). Quality will be somewhere between a sketch (example) and a paint (example). Not quite sure what’ll happen, so this round’ll be priced lower than usual.

$35 will get you a one-character fullbody with that gore stuff happenin’. Double that for two characters. Be aware I’m not quite comfortable with stuff centered around nonconsent, so none of that serial killer / torture stuff please (on the other hand I particularly like disembowelment and hard vore, if that piques anyone’s interest!). Just ask if you’re not sure.

If interested or if you have any questions, just shoot me a note!

Or, well, bye to the few folks that left after that last journal, but hi to the whole bunch of you that came in after it! It was a little overwhelming but I'm glad to see all the new faces, too.

That said, I probably should remind everyone that I'm more active on Weasyl and Tumblr. Not that this place never gets updated, but it does tend to get things way later and when it does it doesn't get everything.

Cheers though, thanks for dropping by!

Note: I no longer read or respond to comments on this journal. I do not answer notes about this either.

Please also be aware this journal will not be updated to fix errors, broken links, or any misspeaking on my part. Keep in mind this is several years old at the time of this note's writing, and much of it is subsequently outdated. Thank you.


To begin with: I will assume you have already heard the conversation on why cuntboy may be an objectionable term. It reduces a body to its genitals, it others these male-identifying bodies by not allowing them to just be “boys.” It is a slur against transmasculine people, and though it has been reclaimed by a few it is by and large used by a cis audience for a cis audience. I’ve talked about this before, and been in conversations about it even more often. I’m commonly presented with the same arguments as to why cuntboy is an okay term for everyone to use, so I’ll be addressing most of those here.

I’ll be saying this a few times, but here it is up front: I am not talking to transmasc people who choose to reclaim the word. I am not talking to transmasc people who choose to reclaim the word. AGAIN: I am not talking to transmasc people who choose to reclaim the word.

I am talking to the cis majority who are oddly in love with this word.

Trans men and cuntboys are different things, cuntboys are a fantasy!
The common reasoning here is something along the lines of "Cuntboys have nothing to do with trans people, they're a fantasy gender, a man born with a vagina!" The problem there being "man born with a vagina" is literally what a trans man is. You just described a trans man (if you disagree, please tell me what your definition of a trans man is; keep in mind "a man in a female body" or “a man who was born a woman” is cissexist and inappropriately gendering bodies, and not an answer I will accept).

I am a transmasculine person, so by most standards I am a "man born with a vagina." My gender is not a fantasy, my body is not a fantasy, my experiences are not a fantasy, the pain I have gone through because of my body and how it is treated is not a fantasy. Hand-waving and going "well THIS is fantasy" is ignoring a very obvious equation and reeks of "it is this way because it is convenient for me." Speaking of:

Cuntboys don't have anything to do with transition or transgender issues!
So you want the bodies of trans people without having to deal with the "icky" bits? So you want to be able to fuck us, as long as we don't whine about having astronomical suicide and homeless rates while you do so? You want to be able to stare at and talk about our genitals, without having to hear about the latest murder?

You don't want to have to deal with the fight for medical treatment and transition, you don't want to have the conversation about what transition can mean to different people. You don't want to talk about how transition is denied us when we need it, you don't want to talk about how some of us have gotten to a point where we may not match "cis standards" with our bodies but are still comfortable in our gender. You want our bodies, but not us.

That's wrong! Some trans people identify as cuntboys!
Good on them, but as someone who is relatively surrounded by trans people, both on and offline, I've only met a handful. Not to say they don’t exist, but that constantly citing them as the reason cuntboy as a whole is okay is a bit misleading. That is a conversation to have, but not the one I am having right now. That term is theirs to reclaim, and I am talking to folks besides them. Though I do truly hope they understand the history and weight behind this word, in the end it is their choosing and their right. If this is you, that’s your choosing, for you alone. I am not talking to you.

99% of the usage of cuntboy is by people who are publicly cis, who have no reason to be using it. It is used by people who don't know any better, by people who do know better but choose to continue using it as some sort of strange "fuck you" to those "HORRIBLE SJWS", by people who see it as a quick fetish throwaway term. It is used solely as a sexual kink by people who are not affected by the sexualization of these bodies.

It may be sexual, but that's why it's okay to use it for characters and not for people.
How is anyone supposed to know these relatively murky lines in the sand, when the term is tossed around for every flat-chested vagina-having character? How is anyone supposed to know that term suddenly becomes off-limits for actual people when we never identify the term as a problem in the first place?

I've been called a cuntboy against my wishes, I've been asked how long I've been into "the fetish" when talking about my medical transition, I've had people assume they can be sexual with me when I made my body type known. It's why I talk about it obliquely and rarely now, why I don't post representations of myself here. "Oh that's not right!" you proclaim. And no, it's not, but you can't pretend that the current usage of the word cuntboy in this fandom is not at least partially to blame.

It is used sexually, and therefore people learn that that body type is inherently sexual. A fetish term applies to a fetish, right? It's a fantasy, right? A kink?

Fetishization of trans people is a long-running, deeply rooted, deeply problematic affair. It comes from seeing trans people as sexual objects, as oddities to get erections over and to forget about after you cum. It comes from ignoring the daily realities of living as a trans person, it comes from conveniently forgetting that trans people go through hell for being trans. The terms applied to us come from outside our community, they come from cis people trying to label us as freaks and others, they are slurs. Reclamation is a thing, but you cannot ignore the history of this, and unless you are the affected group you have no reason to be using these terms.

Fetishization of trans people, of presenting our bodies as sexual fetishes and neglecting to address the issues we face (stripping our bodies of their trans conversation and context), leads to people being either ignorant of or outright dismissive of our problems. We have cis men wishing to be cuntboys without realizing the real-world impact of actually, really, truly having that body in the flesh (we can argue back and forth about how appropriate the wishing is, but my focus is on the “not realizing the impact” part). These impacts are many: you can be fired for your gender identity, you can be kicked out of your home, there is a legal defense for murdering trans people simply because they were trans. Rates of inadequate or denied medical care, rates of homelessness, rates of unemployment, rates of harassment, rates of murder, rates of suicide are all monumentally higher in the trans population. Using our bodies purely for sexual thrill ignores this, willfully puts this on the backburner while you jerk off.

So you don't want any trans people in porn?
I have never said this and I will never say this. I want my body type normalized; I want my body type represented. I want to be able to see representatives of my body used in porn, to know that body is still desirable and not some freakish unloveable thing.

Do you know what the opposite of normalized is? Coming up with derogatory terms for my body, relegating it to niche porn, arguing about whether porn featuring my body getting fucked is "gay or not", saying that my body is a fantasy to be enjoyed as a fantasy. It is not normalizing, not flattering, not comfortable when people take my body from me like that, only to turn around and go "Oh no this doesn't have anything to do with you" when it clearly does. I’m sure someone will tell me I’m taking it “too personally” here, which is fine. You’ll have to forgive me for being touchy about this being literally the only representation of my body type that I can see.

In mainstream porn, just about the only content featuring trans people in a not-fetishizing way is porn made independently by the trans people themselves. It is largely the same situation in this fandom. It is incredibly easy to tell the difference between these two styles of content: one is body-positive, aware of the trans context and culture, the other is "chicks with dicks” as a tagline. It's "traps" here to hurt you. It's men being degraded and humiliated for having "unmanly" parts. It's ignorant of the larger conversation.

Porn featuring trans characters is just that: it features them, but does not make the same kind of huge show of their being trans that fetishizing porn does. It does not present their bodies as beyond the norm, it does not make it a selling point to a cis audience. It does not feel the need to refer to the person by their genitals. It does not reduce the character to what's between their legs. The trans person is there because they are a person who can engage in sexual acts, not because the trans condition itself is your kink.

For an example, please, please look at ChrisGoodwin's Fable series. Notice the natural air of the characters, notice its brief but perfect nod to the sometimes complicated conversation between a trans person and their body in a sexual context, notice it never once presenting either character as "more" this or "less" that. Compare it to anything picked off the front page featuring the word cuntboy.

I still don’t like you telling me what words I can and can’t use.
That’s fine, it’s not pleasant to be told something you are saying is hurtful or told that what you are doing is objectionable. I’ve been on that end, I know my kneejerk response was to rationalize reasons why I shouldn’t have to stop using whatever it was. If you want to do that, fine, I can’t stop you and I’m not really trying to. I’m just letting you know that that term is problematic as it is generally used, so you can decide what to do from there. I’m not telling you you literally can’t do something or else the Internet Police are going to get you, I’m saying that you won’t be able to do that without perpetuating these problems. You won’t be able to do that without these problems being talked about. You won’t be able to do that without perpetuating a sexual misrepresentation of a group of people.

I’m not going to argue in circles with people, because this conversation means too much to me to get dragged like that. I’m not going to come into your house and call you a bad person. I’m not going to police your every representation, that's not my job or my right. But I am concerned about this new wave of content, and as a person who has acted under the trans umbrella for coming on a decade now I am aware of cultural trends and how they interplay with common perceptions of trans people. I am aware of my own experience, and I am aware of how others perceive it based on what they know. I am aware of how this new wave of content in the fandom can affect what people know.

Hi!

Bioindustrial and I are doing a short run of collaboration painted commissions, running from $35 to $45 USD until further notice. Full information including examples over here, feel free to contact me with any questions.

Thanks!

As a trans person I'd just like to ring the bell an extra time for today's Trans Day of Visibility. No selfies for sites like these, but I figure the point is more being able to state "I'm here, regardless" anyway.

I try to be fairly open about my trans identity, and answer questions people may have about that identity, my transition course, and related things. I have limits, but on the whole I'm open to talking and fielding questions less knowledgeable people may have about this sort of stuff.

But that aside, happy TDOV!