right now i can't afford a new one, but i want to get an idea of what sort of laptop i should get when i can. i don't know much about them, so if there's anyone out there who is more knowledgeable about these sorts of things, please feel free to chime in!

i'd use the laptop primarily for digital art, but also for surfin' the net and occasionally minecraft. money's tight, but the laptop i've been using is extremely old, doesn't have a battery, and is now randomly turning off even though the charger is plugged in. that's pretty inconvenient. especially when you're in the middle of working on a commission and suddenly the screen goes black and you lose everything (been ctrl+s-ing like a maniac since that happened!).

i'd love to find something around $300 that can do all the things mentioned above. does such a laptop exist?? probably not. i don't know, i'm bad with computers! that's why i need your help!!

sorry about that vent journal a few days ago. the truth is, things aren't much better right now, but they've calmed down a little at least. while i still feel like garbage physically, i'm on a new medication for my anxiety/depression and i think it's helping a bit.

sooo yep! i just wanted to push that whiny journal off my page and let those who have commissioned me know they haven't been forgotten! i'm workin' on 'em, i promise! it's been a rough few days, but you should be hearing from me soon! thank you for being patient with me <3

COMMISSIONS:

1.  dramavian - paid (sketching)

i've never really believed that people could be cursed, but after the string of bad luck  justjim and i have had this year, i'm beginning to wonder.

i just got off the phone with jim, who is sitting in a parking lot waiting for someone to come jump-start his car battery/possible tow the car if they can't get it started. this is the third time we've had car trouble in the past year. we still owe over $1000 for the last time it broke down.

these sorts of things happen to all of us now and then, but it seems like for justjim and i, they have become a regular occurrence. we just can't seem to catch a break.

we really can't afford to put any more money into a car that breaks down as often as this one does. thinking about it makes me want to cry. right now we're scrambling to come up with enough money to pay my for my health insurance (due in a week). once that's paid, we'll have $0. my eyes are watering typing that, haha.i know that's just how life is, but it sucks. we're in debt up to our ears and can never seem to bring in enough money to pay any off it off and take care of ourselves at the same time.

i feel like i'm not emotionally capable of handling any more bad news right now. i had blood drawn thursday and on friday i got the results, but they weren't so great. that's weighing heavily on my mind, as are my other health problems. i'm in constant pain, constantly stressed out, constantly afraid. sometimes just being alive is hard.

those are just a couple pieces of bad news we've gotten this week - really, it seems like something terrible happens every day lately. i don't mean to complain because i know our situation could be a lot worse, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still pretty darn awful. both jim and myself feel as if depression has swallowed us whole. it isn't a good feeling.

i dunno. i broke down and told the doctor i'm depressed and suicidal the other day, so she referred me to a psychologist. maybe it'll help me. i've struggled with depression since i was a teen, but never on this level. i need help finding ways to cope. i feel like i've fallen apart since i lost my dad.

i don't want to end this journal on such a depressing note, so i'll share something that makes me smile whenever i think about it. my sister has a kitten named spooky that she doesn't take care of at all, so jim and i do instead. because of that, he's closer to us than he is her. basically, he's our cat (don't tell my sister that, though).

ANYWAY, he frequently leaves gifts outside our bedroom door. little things he manages to swipe from other rooms in the house when nobody is looking - small toys that belong to my nephews, pens, batteries, and even a pillow once. sometimes, though, the gifts he brings us are eerily relevant. like he can understand us or something.

one night i was complaining to jim that the earbuds i have hurt my ears. the next morning we found a pair of earbuds outside the door. they were nice, but spooky had chewed a hole in one of them. he must have heard me complaining about it, because the morning after that, he brought yet another pair that were nicer than the last (no teeth marks or anything!).

he also brought me a medal one day (maybe trying to cheer me up??). i don't know, but i love that cat so much sometimes it hurts.

_____

COMMISSION STATUS

-  overzen (five character commission) - sketching

it's kinda rare for me to accept them, but we really need money bad, so if you've ever wanted some nottoway art, here's your chance!

- single character
- no background (apart from a splash of colour)
- inked and coloured
- $25 a pop!

they'll look something like this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16710369/
my work is far from professional, but i work hard and i'll try my best!

i usually finish these pretty quickly, but because of my health problems, i don't have as much energy as i used to, so i may need to work as a slower pace. still, these should be completed within a month, possibly sooner. send a note to claim! thank you :D

-SLOTS-

1.  overzen (5 character commission)
2. empty also
3. wow, this one's empty too
4. empty, maybe you should claim this one??
5. look, yet another empty slot!!!! your name would look nice here!!!

hey everyone! it's been a rough couple of weeks for me, so i haven't been around much. i thought i'd pop in and update with what's been going on.

first of all, i saw a doctor about some concerning stomach troubles i'd been having for over a year, which led to me having a colonoscopy last weekend and two pre-cancerous colon polyps being discovered and removed. i'm only 24 years old, so it was pretty shocking to have the doctor tell me in four more years i would have had full-blown colon cancer. i haven't gotten the biopsy results back, but the doctor seemed pretty confident that we'd caught things in time.

oh, when they took my blood pressure at the GI's office, it was high. astronomically high. 154/112 high, which is almost a medical emergency apparently. doctors have been on me about my blood pressure lately, and now i'm on medication for it. i'm not sure how much of that is due to anxiety, though, but it's something i'm fretting over all the time now. hoorayyyy!

second, with the help of my wonderful husband, i finally managed to get an appointment with a general surgeon about my breast. that's tomorrow, and i'm exceedingly nervous about it, as you can imagine after six months of suffering. what if he brushes me off? what if he can't figure out what's wrong? what if he thinks it's something serious? all this worrying isn't helping my blood pressure. i think i can actually feeling it rising right now. anyway, wish me luck about that!

 justjim is going back to new york for a week on monday to spend some time with family and such, and i'm not able to go since i have pets with medical conditions and other responsibilities here. it'll be the first time we've been apart in over a year, and i'm really stressed out about it! especially with all these health problems! we're having trouble affording all these doctors bills as well as my health insurance, and we really don't have the funds for him to travel back to new york right now, but he promised his family he'd be back in time for his cousin's high school graduation/his mom's birthday ages ago.. they miss him a lot! he's still open for commissions if anyone is interested!

wow, my nerves are frazzled after writing this haha. stress stress stressssss. but it's okay. we'll find a way through it. we always do.

thanks for reading all that if you did! i still can't say enough how much i appreciate your support!

 kikatsu's sister's cat has recently become very ill, and they could really use some help with the vet bills. there's more info about it here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6809416/

please check it out and consider helping!

as the title says!

hmmm *strokes invisible beard*

there are some i absolutely wouldn't be able to part with, but i dunno. i don't know if i'd want to try auctioning them off (i've seen some successful auctions here, but the majority of them seem like big flops). they wouldn't be too terribly expensive, but they'd definitely go for more than designs i've sold in the past.

i dunno. just something i'm considering

I will be a married woman!

 jawbone is in serious financial trouble and is facing losing their home. they could really use some help right now!

more details here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6403709/

i know money is tight for every one these days, but if you can spare it, even just donating a dollar or two helps. please consider sending some money their way!

for everyone to draw a skunk :3c

thanks to all you lovely people who helped out, i reached my christmas fund goal! you don't know how excited i am about it. i didn't expect to get any takers for commissions, so i'm blown away! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

i'm going to go ahead and close commissions now and finish up the ones i have left to do!

thank you all so much again! being able to get gifts for my family for christmas was all i wanted for christmas, and now i can do that because of you :)


ART STATUS:

1. drommat
____________

CHRISTMAS FUND

GOAL MET! thank you so much for your help!

just a reminder that i'm still accepting commissions! it's gonna be a tough christmas for everyone this year since my dad wont be here with us, so i wanna work hard to make enough money to get them some good gifts. my goal is $230. so far i have $50, so i'm $180 away!

i'm gonna take 3 commissions at a time until i've reached my goal (just so i don't get too overwhelmed!). i'll update my journal regularly so you can check on the status of your commission here (or see if a slot has become available if you're looking to snag one)

what i'm offering:

single character commissions, inked and coloured (and shaded, if you so desire), with a simple splash of colour for the background. nothing complex!

$15 gets you some inks: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u...../tinkainks.png

$20 gets you some flat colours: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....kacoloured.png

+$3 if you want shading: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....inkashaded.png

please give me up to 3 weeks to complete your commission. they're usually done much sooner, though!

leave a comment if you're interested! thanks!

- SLOTS -

1.  media - flat colour commish
2.  smains - shaded colour
3. empty

COMMISSION STATUS:

1. media - awaiting approval
2. smains - will begin sketching on 12/11
3. seraphon - YCH: not started
____________

CHRISTMAS FUND

$170/$230 reached! thank you all so much!

the holidays are almost here and WHOOPS! i don't have any money. so i need to take a few commissions! like... 3, maybe? if everything goes smoothly with these 3 and others are still interested, i'll take a few more.

these won't be first come, first serve. instead, please comment below with your refs and i'll pick a few people! make sure you have the money ready when you comment, though (i'll ask you to pay before i start working on your commission)

what i'm offering:

single character commissions, inked and coloured (and shaded, if you so desire), with a simple splash of colour for the background. nothing complex!

$15 gets you some inks: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u...../tinkainks.png

$20 gets you some flat colours: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....kacoloured.png

+$3 if you want shading: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....inkashaded.png

please give me up to 3 weeks to complete your commission. they're usually done much sooner, though!

leave a comment if you're interested! thanks!

how long did it take for you to start feeling... normal again?

we buried my father today and i'm numb. still in disbelief, i guess. it's been about four days since he passed, and while i've been holding it together pretty well on the surface, underneath it's eating me up. when will i stop feeling guilty about everything? i just keep thinking about these past five months and how much my dad suffered. how hard he fought. how excited he was not even a week ago because he thought he'd be coming home.

i just want to hear from others who have lost parents. how did you cope? and if they were still alive at the time, how did you comfort/support your other parent? my mom is still in shock/denial, but i know now that the funeral is over, she's going to come unglued. having to make these funeral arrangements was a bit of a blessing in disguise for her - helped distract her from dad being gone, even though she was planning for HIS funeral. now what? how do we get over this? :(

the pain comes in waves for me right now, but very soon i expect it to hurt more often and more intensely. the holidays will be here before we know it, and i don't even know what we'll do about them.. probably pretend they don't exist?

i dunno. i just need to hear from others who have been through this. it's crazy. loss of a loved one is something we all experience at some point in our lives, yet no one ever seems to talk about it. i have no clue what to think or how to feel..

my father passed away september 4th, 11:55 pm. he fought so hard to stay with us these past five months, and we honestly believed he'd be coming home soon. he was supposed to be transferred from the hospital to a rehab center today, where he'd spent two weeks before coming home. instead we're making funeral arrangements.

my dad didn't die of liver disease or cancer or kidney failure. he died from multiple infections he caught while in the hospital. klebsiella, e coli, pneumonia, to name just a few. the klebsiella was a drug-resistant strain, and in the end, is what claimed his life. the hardest part of all this is that it didn't have to happen at all. he caught the klebsiella from dirty hospital equipment.

it's hard to believe his journey ends here. it's hard to believe he's gone forever. i'm happy he's no longer suffering, but i just wish he'd been able to come home before he died. he left for the hospital on easter sunday and never returned.

i'll always love and miss my dad. he was a difficult man and we never had a very good relationship, but we did connect in a special way. the day before he passed away, he seemed to know what was coming. even though he seemed to be perfectly healthy, he asked my mom to let him go. he also asked her to let me know he loves me. when she told me that, i knew something was wrong. my dad never said 'i love you'.

thank you so much for everything, dad, i'm so proud of you and how hard you fought. thank you for trying. i hope you're happy and pain-free now.

i see so many wonderful people here who are battling stress and depression; who question their own self-worth, doubt their abilities, and wonder if there's any reason to keep going, and i wish i could make them feel better. i know how much that hurts. i still struggle with those things on a daily basis. they're not easy to overcome.

please know i appreciate you and appreciate how hard you try. even if i don't know you personally! the fact that you are alive today makes me happy, and no matter what you're going through, i wish you all the best. you're special because you are you, and the only person who can be you. every single one of you has a unique talent - a special strength. maybe you know what what it is. maybe you can draw, write, cook, or make music. maybe you don't, or maybe you don't feel it's worth anything. you might be great at talking to others or give good advice. you might be dependable, honest, a peacemaker, a good comforter, or an amazing judge of character. whatever it is you do, please don't stop. the world is a better place with you here.

thank you for existing. i'm glad you do. and thank you for being you.

i have cats to feed and need to take some quick commissions to buy 'em more eats!

these will be $22 a pop and they'll look similar to this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13925329/ and this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13912032/

single character, inked and coloured with simple colour background!

read carefully before commissioning please!:

HOW IT WORKS: send me a note with a ref of your character and i'll send you my paypal address. once payment is received, i'll get to work. i generally finish these commissions within a week or so, so you wont hear from me again until i've finished. if you have a specific pose/expression in mind, feel free to say so and i'll try my best to do it! visual refs are welcome and encouraged if you want a particular pose or expression. otherwise, i'll just come up with something cute on my own!

please note!: very minor edits are free. these include slight alterations to the colouring or lineart. more time consuming edits will be $3 a piece. it's important to be very clear about what you want up-front. ask if you want to see the sketch before i begin inking please!!


WHAT I WONT DRAW: fetish-y or mature material, humans, robots, detailed backgrounds, etc. if your character has more anthro proportions, keep in mind they will be simplified when drawn in my style. take a look through my gallery/scraps to see what i'm most comfortable drawing! not sure about something? feel free to inquire, i don't bite!

send a note if you're interested! thanks! :)

________________________________________________

- SLOTS -

1.  redwulf
2.  seraphon

i feel terrible i haven't been active here lately and wanted to let everyone know i'm not ignoring you. i haven't had a lot of time for the internet lately

i've already explained my situation in detail elsewhere and don't feel like doing so again, but my dad is in the hospital and the doctors are pretty sure he isn't going to make it. it was unexpected and as you can probably guess, my family is handling it very poorly.

he isn't gone yet and we're still praying for a miracle, but things don't look good. i'm not sure when i'll be back and able to respond to messages or catch up with art in my inbox, so i apologise.

if you want to stay updated about what's happening with my dad, it's pretty much all i tweet about anymore and i've posted a few in-depth posts on tumblr.

hopefully i'll be able to be active here soon, but if not, thank you for understanding.

for those of you who commission artists here regularly, which of the following do you find most important?

1) cheap prices (maybe you don't care much for the artist's stye, but you appreciate they are cheap)
2) an artist who offers a wide variety of commissions (sequences, sketches, icons, etc, covering all price ranges)
3) quick turnaround times
4) someone who is easy to work with; helpful and friendly
5) special discounts on certain types of commissions, or an artist who rewards repeat customers
6) the artist draws in a style you like a lot (you're willing to pay a bit extra because you like their art)

if you could let me know in a comment, i'd appreciate it! if you like all of those things, put them in order from most important to least important!

also, i know i've asked this before, but i think i accidentally deleted the journal, so please answer again if you don't mind..:

what types of commissions are you most interested in buying? sequences (TF, weight gain, regression, other?), icons, regular sketches, ref sheets, discount commissions, adoptables, etc? if i've missed something, let me know!

thanks so much!

like the title says! i'm curious :) you can tell as much or as little as you like about yourself. what are some of your hobbies or interests? favourite songs? movies? do you have any pets?

you can also fill this out this thing i made a while back if you like (it's totally anonymous)!: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1oI.....COiv8/viewform

easter is coming and that means bunnies and candy! that's why  justjim is offering discounts for artwork featuring your rabbit OC's. hop to it, though! the discount ends as soon as all commission slots have been filled, and there are currently only SEVEN left!

want art, but don't have a bunny character? no problem!  justjim is also offering transformation sequences at a discount. only for characters transforming into (or from) bunnies, though! if you've ever wondered what your original character or fursona would look like bunn-i-fied, make sure to take advantage of this discount while you still can! it wont last long!

want to know more? click HERE for more information or visit his profile here!:  justjim  justjim  justjim

i have another account over here where i post characters i'm selling!:  jolee

most of the ones still for sale are kinda old, but i hope to post better ones soon :3 if you see a character you'd like to buy, please let me know!

i can be found at any of the links below:

- tumblr - where i'm most active. all of my art (including doodles i'm not comfortable sharing elsewhere) can be found here. i only follow art blogs, though, so please don't be offended if i don't follow you back. it's nothing personal!
- twitter - all i really do here is vent about my personal life.. probably not worth following (especially since it's already public), but i figured i'd toss the link out there anyway.
- blogspot - i don't update this as frequently as my blog on tumblr, but it's used for more in-depth posts about my artwork and characters when i do.
- deviantART - bleeeuuuhh!

and of course, i'm also on weasyl as iamnottoway, though i keep forgetting that site even exists!

i may return to furaffinity at some point in the future, but for now, i feel most comfortable on the sites listed above.

look at all these neat-o commissions  justjim is offering! http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12628489/