This could just be my inner demons talking but I don't know. For those of you who talk to me on a regular basis know I've been on a little bit of a mental health journey. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety, getting diagnosed with PTSD after how I was raised, thinking everything was normal (Won't go into detail), possibly being bipolar on top of being on the autism spectrum so I'm super sensitive. I try not to bring any of the negative feelings out into the world as there's too much out there already and I do not want to add to it. I want to be that cheerful, helpful dragon to help people when they're down, be a good friend and lift people up. I guess my mother passing away nearly 3 years ago kind of jumpstarted everything and I started to think about it like, wait a minute, not everything was okay. I started to see things through a different light. But I feel like I might be at the end of my rope?

Between life, work and general stress, I've been trying to carry on and do my best every single day. I'm on medication for depression and anxiety. I attended 4 therapy sessions in person, 6 over the phone, worked on self care, surrounded myself with positive people, experiences and a non-toxic environment. And yet something still feels off. I'm unsure even now of what that may be. I understand that there will be good days and bad days. Even when you're on medication and such. But do you ever feel like you're just going nowhere with everything, no matter how hard you try? People talking about you behind your back, ignoring you, not realizing you're even there until they want something from you? All this has been swirling in my mind for a long while and as I try to remain strong, the foundation is slowly crumbling.

Sure this could just be another "Oh look, a furry is complaining again about how bad or terrible something is boo hoo attention seeker kys skill issue" BS, I'm not trying to make it look like that. I'm really not. I guess I'm just showing a little vulnerability and humility and I'm subconsciously asking for help? I don't know. I'm not sure how to explain it. All I know is that it's gotten really hard recently and I'm trying my best to get by. I'm not seeking drama or "awww poor thing" or anything of the sort, I'm seeking understanding, worth and validity. As for what's missing, I don't know.

I'm sorry about posting this. Usually I'm always all "Hiya guys! Wheeeeeeeeeee" but I think I've ran out of the "wheeeeeeeee" aspect for now. I didn't know how else to come out with this and it's kind of getting hard just dealing with this by myself and having it all bottled up in my head which I suppose makes it worse?

I love you guys. Please stay safe out there.



The Noble Demon - Moonsong (From “Cave Story”)

Hi guys, gals and nonbinie pals! I hope everyone's having a good day so far!

So, as you may have known, I took part in artfight this year. And don't you know, I tried my level bestest best! I got a lot of art done and now that it's over, literally as I am posting right now, FA is about to see everything I've done in the whole month of July. I even got a couple of commissions done as well so there will be a little bit of everything! Woo!

I want to say I have over 20 pieces to upload so just be ready and keep a lookout! Oh my!



Will Stetson - Powerful Wind, Slicked-back Hair (English Cover)「強風オールバック」

That's right that's right that's right! I finally decided to join art fight this year! I was always a little shy and reserved about joining but I made the decision to do it cuz you only live once! Plus I mean, drawing for people and celebrating art and characters??? Count me in! And bitch, just cuz I'm on Stardust doesn't mean I'll only be seeking Seafoam members. I'm after everyone! I'm after BLOOD >:3 I'm going after everyone! Wheeeeee

https://artfight.net/~RedDraggyDraws
https://artfight.net/~RedDraggyDraws
https://artfight.net/~RedDraggyDraws

Life is too short. So I need to start there.

It has come to my attention that I may be a little bit too high strung when it comes to tastes. I might've been a little bit judgemental towards certain types of cliques and people. So, let me be the first person to come up and say, I'm sorry for treating you like that if you actually legitimately wanted to build a friendship with me.

Not all people are terrible nasty creatures and as screwed up as it sounds, I know that now. Just because a lot of people are gross, nasty and selfish, doesn't mean that all of them are. I always say I like to spread the love and kindness unconditionally but I feel like I'm coming off very hypocritical when I say so. Because I won't interact with people who have nothing but porn on their page/likes and come off as a complete brainless horny bastard on their page. Yet, I say love yourself, love each other and love the world when obviously, I'm not doing it myself. I keep telling all of you to walk the walk and talk the talk when I'm not even doing it myself.

I've cut people off before because of their involvement in pornography and blood/gore/death or anything else that I don't agree with, regardless of how long I've had a friendship with them for. I feel bad about doing so. Because not everyone is bad. Also, for people who are popular who have wanted to reach out to me for friendship and acceptance, I slowly lose ties with because I somewhat get sad because I'm not as popular as they are so I automatically assume that they have a different group of friends they'd rather hang out with other than me. So I let them go as well. While yes, all this bias is making me hurt myself and making my self esteem and self confidence drop astronomically, I also feel like I'm hurting those around me who want to reach out for real legitimate and wholesome friendships.

Sometimes when I think about this, it makes me remember what a good time I had together with the wonderful  Bendor before his tragic suicide. For someone could be gone tomorrow after I cut ties with them for some dumbass reason and they be left without the love and support I could've given them if I had just stuck around and not be a judgemental git. We need to be around each other and love one another for who we are and again, I feel like I'm not doing that.

So let me please. I'm genuinely sorry if I have come off as rude to you, just because of your status or what you're into. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to love you for who you are and honestly, I need to stop going off of bias. My mother didn't raise me that way... She wouldn't have wanted me to be that way... She would have wanted me to use that love and kindness and spread it out into the world, regardless of who you are.

I love you. I accept you. I am very sorry if I've hurt you. Please forgive me. I understand if you don't, but just know that I love each and every one of you. Dadgon's promise.

Stay safe and love yourself.

I haven't been around that much so I wanted to poke back in and say hello! How is everyone doing? I hope you're doing okay. I've been working on myself getting better, self care and even going to therapy. It's what my mum would've wanted. Besides, if I can't take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of all of you? <3

So tell me. What's up kiddos? ^.=.^

I'm going to need a little bit of time.

Last night at 2am, my mother lost the fight with aggressive pancreatic cancer she passed away peacefully in her sleep. We might not have been close after I left, but she was still my biggest supporter. I find it very ironic that of all days, she passed on Mother's Day. Growing up, things weren't always the best but she was always there for me. Things weren't perfect but she always did her best for me and I was always there for her regardless.

I love you mum. You're with your daddy now.

11/17/64 - 5/8/22

Wow, I haven't done anything for nearly 5 months. Guess I should start out by saying hey! I hope everyone's been doing fine and dandy, all that happy jazz.

2020 has had a lot of ups and downs (I refuse to be one of those negative nancy snowflakes who's completely negative and says 2020 was all shit because it wasn't, let's be realistic please), but this year people have learned to grow thicker skin, learned more about themselves and most of all, how to treat others. I am one of those people. I've learned and grown so much this year, a lot has happened that's made me think about life and art and things in general and boyo, things are going to get better and better.

I got my first screen drawing tablet this year in the form of a Microsoft Surface Pro 4 and I've been drawing like nuts on it. It's wonderful and amazing and I can art so much better and faster with it. This was also the year my Twitch channel blossomed, I became an affiliate and we're approaching 150 follows. Thanks for that. I also feel like I've learned a lot about myself, really coming to terms fully about understanding asexuality (which I've found that the furry fandom has a hard time accepting lol) and what I can do to embrace it. So I think I've grown as an artist, a person and a social butterfly.

What will 2021 bring? GEN 4 REMAKES. I really hope anyways.

Anyway, Happy New Years and all that stuff. As I say, Love yourself, Love each other and Love the world and I hope you all have a lovely rest of your day.