I would consider this funny back in 2009 if not even 2010 or /11.

Kill me.


And I never liked Spirit? Why did I watch this.
Though I gotta admit the effects aren't THAT bad for a 2009 video.
But...the humour...

That "cancer" (insider alert) mood is back. Maybe today will be the day of finally coming out of the closet. I changed my mind. Probably I'm going to make video instead of a journal. Just gotta wait until I'm alone at home...

Just so you know. I'm having a super hard time talking about my feelings, and I only do it rarely. So the video might be very long. I feel uncomfortable thinking about making a video about it already.

Edit:
Wow thanks to mood swings I feel a bit hyperactive and bouncy again but I'm going to make that video anyways cause I'm sick of making a bend around it.

Edit II:
Damn looks like I can't do it today. I'll do it tomorrow. Ugh. Send help.

Edit III:
Ok, I can do it today. Wow this journal is like a fucking parody.

Right now I'm drawing. Yeah. My tablet is a pure pain in the ass and it takes about half an hour daily to fix the issues, but at least it works. Gotta finish that bust I got requested (not really requested. That person won it). Delays are horrible.

My two favourite animes in a nutshell
(Ya I'm not an anime fan at all but I like/love some few - I don't watch any new ones, though, cause I just don't care anymore)

In case you want to watch these, well, spoiler alert.




Extra:

Seriously, the very first time I saw this, Death #1 got me cracking up so hard, and it still does. It's just the fucking way that girl screams + the music playing in the background before she gets slammed. And it looks funny. AGH. YES I'M STILL LAUGHING (and to be honest, some of these death-scenes were pretty lame.) Though generally death-scenes often leave me cold, I don't know. Oh god that sounds so edgy, help.


Now I just watched Corpse Party death-scenes. I was right. What a show for edgy blood & gore (pre-)teens.
I hate this type of show/series which are just like
"Ooo, look how brutal, dark, edgy and insane we are. Story plot? What's a plot? What's interesting content that makes sense?"
Preteens/Little girls in anime who laugh retarded like that without any logical background are just pathetic, seriously. If there's a logical background to it, that's ok but just insanity? Come on.

NEW

God damn it. It just amazes me how some people get offended that easily. Pathetic. Pretty sure they are tumblrinas.

"That man holding the ashtray chooses that as his job and probably makes a lot of cash doing it so I don't see the problem. Slavery is well gone. People need to relax and stop complaining about every stupid lil thing that "offends" them."

I agree 100%

Making Sebastian remove a video because of something like THAT. Just...ugh.

Sorry for the sort of hiatus I was on. I didn't even draw the last couple of days, because my tablet is making problems again. Yep, it's the touch - just as before. Now, I'm able to fix that problem, but everytime I shut down my PC and start it again, the touch is back. I don't even know anymore, seriously. Just, what the fuck is this. It takes my motivation.
I still feel kinda distressed which makes me an extremely lazy nut. Egh. I'm really disappointed in myself. Hope I'll get my ass up again soon...

I could just cry and rage at the same time. My bestie, another dear friend and I were having one of the funniest skype calls ever. Everytime I talk to my bestie via Skype I record it, since I like to listen to it afterwards - because it's always so funny to hear told insiders or overall funny moments just as they really sounded like again. I never had a call with that third person and it really was super funny.

And guess what?
The fucking recording is silent! Great!!
I don't even know anymore how many times this has happened. I could smash my PC, really. I'm so fucking angry, frustrated and disappointed now. And don't tell me it's the memory that counts, because that really just isn't the same. I can't even describe that shitty feeling right now. It's just 1000 layers of bullshit.

Today sucked extremely, and now that only good thing from today feels like taken away from me.

I know. Recently all I do is whine and bitch. But as my mood generally drops, also things other people may consider as little piss me off easily. I just got really furious for 2 minutes right now cause that fucking stupid flash plugin wouldn't let me edit this journal. This bullshit of a plugin never works.

Warning:
This journal shouldn't turn out to be that way in the first place, since it used to be a warning itself.
Yet it turned into drama already. Extreme drama. Like...just back off if you can't take that shit. It's the better for both of us that way.

"THIS JOURNAL IS CANCEEER!"

Shit. I hate causing drama. But I'm back to this shitty mood again. The next journal I may write might be really long and all about me. Maybe the time has come I finally want to write about my feelings. Ew. Actually I wanted to do that a long time or some months ago, but back then I thought about talking in a video. But no, writing is so much easier for me.

So this is kind of a warning. I don't want to annoy people too much, I'm annoying enough by now I know.

I don't have time to write a long journal by now anymore. Fact is that I'm feeling extremely desperate and I want to start an attempt of trying to explain myself to people more. I don't know, I just want to be understood. I know how pathetic that sounds, but I just really don't know how to tell all of that crap.
No matter how hard I try to explain how embarrassing these kind of journals are for me and how often I try to apologize for them, it just doesn't justify any of that behaviour in my opinion. My attempts of justifying things are always so poor, I know. Just...sorry. I'm just so sorry for being so shitty again. So sorry for the crappy drama and all of that disgusting unnecessary shit.
I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm ruining people's mood...
Also I'm so well aware some hours later or after sleep I'll be all "optimistic" again and look back at myself from some hours ago and be like "oh shut up, crybaby. It's all going to be just fiiine. Stop being such an annoying fuck, asshole"
Nice. There goes myself rubbing my personality disorder/identity crisis on people's faces.
I should really stop by now. Sorry...
Yet I can't. I don't even want to do/write this. Why am I doing it then? I just don't understand myself. I feel like I've lost control over myself. And that has happened many times actually, now that I think about it. Sometimes there's just something in my brain taking control and I can't help but sort of watch myself doing stupid things. Then there are people who think I'm going to kill others because of it. That's such a stupid cliché. I hate humans, I really do. But that doesn't make me a killer (yet).
I don't want to take meds. I don't want to go back to psychiatry, since it brings me down even more. I was there for 3 weeks and I feel like something's broken since then.

Why the hell am I writing all of this shit? Right know I wish for a journal-scrap option, so it's not visible to all people out there (or at least it'd be hidden).
I will hate myself so much for this.

Time to give myself an ultimatum. I'll just go to bed now and so this stupid journal won't be continued.

I case you read all of that shit:
1. Thanks for that
2. Sorry.
3. Let's have a laugh when I delete this
4. Shit is full of me
5. I like myself way more when I'm that bouncy sassy fucker like ;)) B) mm

kaykay short little thingy before really going offline:
I feel a little better know that I've found that definition for this journal being a cancer. I feel proud of that shit. So just have a laugh at this journal saying "This journal is cancer YEEAAAY!"

Let's make an insider out of this. Everytime I turn to this silly mood just say that I'm/that journal is cancer ;))
*waits for people to judge cause of cancer-jokes*

I will go to bed now, but I don't know I want to draw something for whoever the first person to comment here is.
Cya in like 18 hours guys. Mama/Papa Didds will be off to work.
Being a badass caring for the health of plants and digging holes. Whoop!

Sooo a person on dA faved my artpiece "Threads." But as it says right there:
"... has added Threads [Speedpaint] to the collection 'You are loved -Please read desc-' "
And as I looked at it, it would turn out to be a collection for vent art. BUT as you've may noticed, the FIRST thing written down in the description of "Threads" CLEARLY tells "*This is NOT vent-art!*"

What the collection description looks like:
*IF YOUR ARTWORK WAS ADDED HERE AND IT WASNT VENT ART I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE*

Dear whoever is reading this,
Everything is going to be okay in the end, you just have to stick around to see it. If its not okay yet, then its not the end.

I want you to remember and keep in mind that EVERYONE goes through hard times, and that just because someone out there may be going through a more difficult situation - does NOT mean that your feelings are not valid.There will always be a light at the end of the tunnel..and some tunnels are just longer than others...that doesn't mean it won't end. You just need to be patient enough to weigh it out , and when you get older you'll be able to look back at when you were depressed and laugh because you will be so much stronger than you were before. Prove everyone who ever put you down wrong, if you give up now you're only giving them the victory. Stay strong, baby !!

I fucking love you, and don't you dare forget that.
If you need someone to talk to I'll be here !

I hope you are smiling now uwu
Or atleast feeling a bit better than before you read this.

Have a hug ! vuv (the girl in the bow is me btw
---
Kay, so I told the person it wasn't vent-art. I didn't like the idea of people looking at her collection and thinking that my art was vent, since I'm not a fan of vent-art. At all. I think it's attention whoring
(one of the reasons why I love this: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15359320/).

That person turns out to be one of these tumblr people, and if you know me well enough, you'll already know that I'm not a fan of tumblr as well. Anyways, that person didn't seem toooo (which doesn't mean she wasn't!) fucked up, and I slightly complimented her for the description on her collection.
But oh, what's the answer?

"( I didnt read the description.
It said it at the top of the desc that i apologize if it wasn't vent art that was added there.

I'm
not sure why it was necessary for you to tell me this.)"

Wait...what??
So apperently you "love" all these "poor" people and don't even take your time to look at their description?
Just one of these typical people who try to look like they're a good person -> tumblr.
Geez. Geez. I especially love that last phrase. Also, she has hidden my comment. Great.
Uh...I mean, some people don't like to be misunderstood? And as already said, I don't like the idea of people thinking I'm one of these edgy (pre)teens bawing all over the internet 'cause their life is so fucking horrible.

Gosh. Sorry, but this pisses me off a bit...

Sequel:

Seriously, stop kissing people's ass you don't know (talking of the collection desc). It may be for a good cause, but if you're doing it like this, you're just making yourself look like an idiot.
And when your art which you're proud of gets mistaken for vent against you will it fucking sucks. It's still bothering me by this moment.
Draw something a little more deep with some blood = vent. Ugh. Just...stop.
Aren't artists allowed to draw something for their OCs anymore without getting mistaken for "it's all about me"?

It's been like ages (2013) since I've made a speedpaint. Actually I'm pretty proud of this one ~
Enjoy :DD


Artpiece:http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16505781/

They slaughtered the horse I used to have in my riding lessons back then...
I was told that the (Bavarian Warmblood) mare Sharina had water in her stomach, last time I saw her she looked pretty weak.
The vet wanted to take her with him to the clinic but that fat asshole of a stall host who can't even handle a horse decided to take her to slaughter immediately...
I never had that of a very strong bond to that horse, but right now I just got a very crappy feeling, though today I had a very great day with my own horse. And they even told me the butcher we have in our village sucks...
The stall now has only about 7 horses left and the stall host wants to sell another 2. Congrats. Good running business right there.

Thanks to  waccoon again, I can use my tablet again. And from now on I'll keep the downloaded file in my downloads folder :P
Feelin' a bit lazy today, but I'll get bored anyways and start drawing.

I just wanted to draw and recognized that the stupid touch is back!!
I would curse like a sailor in real life right now if it wasn't 11 pm.
Fucking bullshit! Sorry but UUURRRGH.
Just...WHY. This shit is driving me nuts! I'm bored as hell, got nothing to do and thought maybe I'd draw something for a YCH but AH.

Would someone...please drop a brick on my head?

The title says it all. Luckily, it was just the power supply. And I didn't pay for it, phew! Also, I saved all the dates I want to be save over to an external hard drive. Got less space for stuff on there now, but I feel way more calm about my PC now. Feels good to have all the personal stuff back.

Of course. Now that I'm unable to draw digitally again, I get over 10 ideas for designs. Over. 10. Within like 5 minutes. For one time I was smart and wrote these ideas on a list. Next problem will be making the design look as neat as possible, pffft. Sucks when you have to draw ideas which would look way better if these were photos. I don't know when I'll post them (I'll finish at least 5 of them and then show off), but I hope they won't look to...hipstery? I'm trying my best. Unfortunately, hipstery phrases (which often don't make any sense) on T-Shirts are totally in today.
I'll try to add at least some art to the designs, so they're not just blank text or something. I promise ;u;
(Also the phrases won't be something stupid like "Whot ya lookin' at?". Don't worry. They'll make sense in uh...some way.)

- Sheesh. By "I'll try my best" I mean of course I'll do it. When I get ideas to make something more creative I won't just leave that out.

My brain is always like
"Ahaha kay Didds here are your 50.000 ideas now get to work betch LOL BYE"
Really. I never really get ideas in a steady way. They always come bolting in like a fist to face.
I'm at 12 ideas now. Pretty sure it won't stop there.

I'm so sorry I just can't hold myself back I need to show this gosh I'm laughing so hard



In case it starts up at 8:30, I don't know why. Tried to fix it.

And you know what? I'll posting something else, too.

My PC won't start up. It doesn't even fail on starting up, because when I push the power button, nothing happens. I've already cleaned the processor with the vacuum cleaner and it didn't help (also the PC wasn't that dusty inside).
This year fucking sucks. If my PC is completely dead now, I don't know what to do. I can't afford a new one. In case it's really down, I just hope the datas can be saved... . I mean, the hard drive shouldn't be down I guess.

Sorry I need to write this or else this will haunt me in my dreams

So, since October I'm registered in an equestrian browser game (Horse Eden Eventing)
Ever since then I NEVER EVER recieved a PM from another user.
Until today.
And
you know what it says?

"Are you a Werehorse?"

...WAT.
Just...WHAT???
And no, I DON'T have a profile pic with my fursona or anything. Not a furry-pic at all. So there's also now way that person could have gotten a clue because of a profile pic showing an anthro.
I just...

send help.

I'm just so confused right now

Minor edit:
I asked back "Pardon?"
I regret this already. By looking at the userpage he/she looks like a wolfaboo or something.
Like there's a description saying "Wolf Night!! Howls!!" and many of his/her horse have names with the word "wolf" in it. The username itself as well.

I'm telling you.
Wolfaboos.

Not going to say that much, but this guy is just awesome. Got subscribed to him some months ago and just catched up on what happened lately. Apparently he uploaded a viral video which got deleted because of "hate speech".
But he's totally right! Just watch.



https://www.facebook.com/video.php?.....=2&theater



(I absolutely hate 50 Shades Of Grey, because it's insulting BDSM and YES, it glorifies rape)

"In Chapter 12 of 50 Shades of Grey, there is a contentious rape scene, and arguably another rape scene later in the story."

I've read it somewhere. It was fucking horrible. And now many idiots think that's what BDSM is about...
Believe it or not, "No" means "No", also in the BDSM world.

As you may already know, the last weeks have been really stressful for me, or at least they weren't full of roses and happy unicorns.
I feel kinda pathetic for asking the following question myself, but I just feel like I need to hear people's opinions on my art. Also I'm very interested in the different personal perspectives my art is being looked at!

No no, this isn't a "cheer me up" thing. Please be honest. You can describe my style/art as you want, but what I'd like to know is:

• What would you describe my style as? (f.i. category "Cartoon" etc. or just characterise it)?
• What do you like the most about my art?
• What would you want me to improve/what iritates you about my art?
• Which emotions does my style/art express?

You don't necessarily need to write those, but yeah, I'd be flattered if you do so.
Thank you very much if you comment.
I'm already preparing to feel embarrassed because maybe no one will comment, but you sure already know that I'm a pessimist :B

I'm finally back since yesterday. Didn't want to write a journal on that day, just needed a break from all of that crap.
Look what I found again.
Just wtf. And also it's just awesome.

Damn I miss the 2000's somehow. That time seemed way more classy than it is today.

I'm crying

Once again, I just don't know where to start with drawing/animating one single idea of the many I get and already got (since ages). To every single song I listen to, I get so many nice ideas and I'm all like "HNNNGH". For example, this song here. I love it. Have been listening to it the first time at least 3 years ago and ever since I got so many ideas of what I could draw/animate to it. Gee. On my dA, I have a stamp that says "I suffer from overactive imagination disorder". Can't be described any better.

Sorry for butting in with that of a random journal (again).
Just fucking this.

Watch the whole thing.

I never expected someting like THAT to be my first video on my official YouTube-channel. I...I have no words left for this. Wait, I do. I almost screamed when I saw this the first time (I didn't edit the video expect for the warning).
In the video description there's a little sort of "history" to it, lol.


I'm just so done right now. Gee.
Video by  krasny

Oh yeah, and don't worry; I won't always upload content which wasn't done by me. But for that video, I'm making an exception.