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Probably best to ignore this
Posted 5 years agoHonestly, this is probably just a yell-into-the-void rant, that really would have gone elsewhere... if i could remember the password to the other site, which i havn't even visited in.. maybe a decade.
but, what the hell.. If you're reading this it's cause you're following me, despite not being an artist, nor a writer. First, start off with hope anyone who does read this, despite the title, is staying healthy, and as happy as they can be, given the current state of the world.
I think one of the reasons i'm a night person - other than my energy high being at 1 or 2 am - is that i'm very much not a morning person. Once the sun is up till near noon it just goes into weird tangents. Sometimes lining up with each other, sometimes having all the focus of a dog surrounded by squirrels who themselves are running in circles. Hopefully me just putting this down, and sending it to the void will calm the brain down enough that the next trip to bed will actually result in sleep rather than tossing and turning and wishing my brain would shut up enough for me to sleep.
On the one hand, i'm quite down that FE got cancelled. It was absolutely the right call to make. I know, especially with some people having stated that they'll go despite actually being sick... I recall reading in that "I won't miss it for the world". And I get that sentiment. I really do. I have, in the most literal sense, got fired for going to a con. (was a buser at a beer hall, traded shifts so that i got the block off to attend Feral.. got fired my first day back for doing so.) And, even knowing what ended up happening afterwards.. I'd still do it again.
So, I truly do get the sentiment "won't miss it for the world". But, no... What the hell is wrong with you? The difference is that the only negative consequences of my thing was that it ended up hurting me. If you are sick, and you go to a con - especially during a fucking pandemic - you are screwed in the head. It doesn't hurt you to be around others when you're sick.... you're already sick. You hurt others when you do that by making them sick. Or, even worse. Or even if you want to keep thinking in a myopic way, how about this? You show up sick, to a con.. knowing that you are sick, but "I won't miss it for the world". And yes, near certainly at the con, you have a great time. Then the next year you head back to the con. And find out that someone you spend quite a bit of time with at last year's con is now dead. Because they had a weakened immune system.. and they got the illness that you had, but weren't able to fight it off... and died. Seriously, I don't want to picture the guilt upon finding that out. Extreme, sure... but let's say they survived and you just made them sick for like a week or two. You still harmed someone else. Why would you want to do that? I mean, it's inadvertent in the sense you didn't want them to be sick... but it's intentional in the sense you knew it would happen if you want, and chose to do it anyways. You know, FE probably would have had to close even before the large gatherings being ordered to cancel, because of people like you. I guess my rant in this part really comes down to "if you love a con... don't hurt it by going if you're sick". Or don't hurt other people in general.
I legitimately really don't know which i find scarier.. the times when I really think that what goes on in my brain is actually insane, or the thought that It's not and the stuff racing through my head is either normal or mild. And no, i'm not talking about things in this post, but stuff that.. maybe a handful could guess at, and 1 knows of.
Small annoyance, so, got the internet back on thursday, but prior to that didn't have it for 10. Started watching an anime i had downloaded quite a while ago, but hadn't gotten around to.. cause... well, what else am i going to do? Sure, some solo gaming, which i did as well, but sometimes just feel like sitting back and watching stuff.. and now i'm at a point where, almost done (2 or 3 eps left.) and the completionist in me is saying "just finish it, then you've seen it all, and it's done" while another part of me is saying "but it isn't good... why waste more time on that now that you can watch actually good stuff?"
Going to have to move this summer for the 3rd time in 4 years. Really hoping that this one 1) goes better than the utter disaster that was the last one. (which turned into a 3 day thing for moving a 5 minute drive.. And I mean the full 3 days.. I was awake and moving things for the whole time, except for small meals) and 2) lasts for longer than a year or two.
Know what's worse than having a song stuck in your head? having 2 stuck in your head, when they belong to totally different styles that don't blend well together.. but it happens anyways, because it's 2 songs that are stuck in your head. "Steam Powered Giraffe - Captain Albert Alexander" and "Sabaton - Great War" for the record.
I would have said i'm an Introvert if asked, because I only seem to be able to recharge my battery when i'm alone.. Although What i look forward to, and enjoy the most, and spend that saved energy is the times I'm gathered with others.
Well.. if you've made it this far, Congratulations! But really, sometimes just have to yell into the void, and hopefully now that it's typed out my brain will shut up about all this and let me sleep... And going to post it because, well.. I spent quite a bit of time typing it and would feel like a waste, and my brain would probably harp on that if i just closed.. so... posted it is.
*sigh* post dawn mornings.....
but, what the hell.. If you're reading this it's cause you're following me, despite not being an artist, nor a writer. First, start off with hope anyone who does read this, despite the title, is staying healthy, and as happy as they can be, given the current state of the world.
I think one of the reasons i'm a night person - other than my energy high being at 1 or 2 am - is that i'm very much not a morning person. Once the sun is up till near noon it just goes into weird tangents. Sometimes lining up with each other, sometimes having all the focus of a dog surrounded by squirrels who themselves are running in circles. Hopefully me just putting this down, and sending it to the void will calm the brain down enough that the next trip to bed will actually result in sleep rather than tossing and turning and wishing my brain would shut up enough for me to sleep.
On the one hand, i'm quite down that FE got cancelled. It was absolutely the right call to make. I know, especially with some people having stated that they'll go despite actually being sick... I recall reading in that "I won't miss it for the world". And I get that sentiment. I really do. I have, in the most literal sense, got fired for going to a con. (was a buser at a beer hall, traded shifts so that i got the block off to attend Feral.. got fired my first day back for doing so.) And, even knowing what ended up happening afterwards.. I'd still do it again.
So, I truly do get the sentiment "won't miss it for the world". But, no... What the hell is wrong with you? The difference is that the only negative consequences of my thing was that it ended up hurting me. If you are sick, and you go to a con - especially during a fucking pandemic - you are screwed in the head. It doesn't hurt you to be around others when you're sick.... you're already sick. You hurt others when you do that by making them sick. Or, even worse. Or even if you want to keep thinking in a myopic way, how about this? You show up sick, to a con.. knowing that you are sick, but "I won't miss it for the world". And yes, near certainly at the con, you have a great time. Then the next year you head back to the con. And find out that someone you spend quite a bit of time with at last year's con is now dead. Because they had a weakened immune system.. and they got the illness that you had, but weren't able to fight it off... and died. Seriously, I don't want to picture the guilt upon finding that out. Extreme, sure... but let's say they survived and you just made them sick for like a week or two. You still harmed someone else. Why would you want to do that? I mean, it's inadvertent in the sense you didn't want them to be sick... but it's intentional in the sense you knew it would happen if you want, and chose to do it anyways. You know, FE probably would have had to close even before the large gatherings being ordered to cancel, because of people like you. I guess my rant in this part really comes down to "if you love a con... don't hurt it by going if you're sick". Or don't hurt other people in general.
I legitimately really don't know which i find scarier.. the times when I really think that what goes on in my brain is actually insane, or the thought that It's not and the stuff racing through my head is either normal or mild. And no, i'm not talking about things in this post, but stuff that.. maybe a handful could guess at, and 1 knows of.
Small annoyance, so, got the internet back on thursday, but prior to that didn't have it for 10. Started watching an anime i had downloaded quite a while ago, but hadn't gotten around to.. cause... well, what else am i going to do? Sure, some solo gaming, which i did as well, but sometimes just feel like sitting back and watching stuff.. and now i'm at a point where, almost done (2 or 3 eps left.) and the completionist in me is saying "just finish it, then you've seen it all, and it's done" while another part of me is saying "but it isn't good... why waste more time on that now that you can watch actually good stuff?"
Going to have to move this summer for the 3rd time in 4 years. Really hoping that this one 1) goes better than the utter disaster that was the last one. (which turned into a 3 day thing for moving a 5 minute drive.. And I mean the full 3 days.. I was awake and moving things for the whole time, except for small meals) and 2) lasts for longer than a year or two.
Know what's worse than having a song stuck in your head? having 2 stuck in your head, when they belong to totally different styles that don't blend well together.. but it happens anyways, because it's 2 songs that are stuck in your head. "Steam Powered Giraffe - Captain Albert Alexander" and "Sabaton - Great War" for the record.
I would have said i'm an Introvert if asked, because I only seem to be able to recharge my battery when i'm alone.. Although What i look forward to, and enjoy the most, and spend that saved energy is the times I'm gathered with others.
Well.. if you've made it this far, Congratulations! But really, sometimes just have to yell into the void, and hopefully now that it's typed out my brain will shut up about all this and let me sleep... And going to post it because, well.. I spent quite a bit of time typing it and would feel like a waste, and my brain would probably harp on that if i just closed.. so... posted it is.
*sigh* post dawn mornings.....
FE 2020 meme questionaire
Posted 5 years agoBeen a while since i did one of these, so i'll steal this from Pup. (i would link, but not sure how)
Where are you staying?
Main hotel. So, no travelling to get to the con once i'm there
What day are you getting there?
Thursday, probably... may technically be Friday when i actually arrive
How are you getting to the con?
Car, a 5-6 hour drive, but when not alone, it's tolerable
Who will you be rooming with?
again, no links to peeps.. but Pakesh, Valrus, and Omet, the same grouping as last year
Will you be fursuiting?
given how i don't have a suit, I would have to lean towards no
Will you be cosplaying/dressing up?
unlikely, unless best beard counts as it.
What is your gender?
Dude
How old are you?
38 actually, mentally varies wildly
Can I talk to you?
of course
Can I touch you?
depends on where o.O
Can I hug you?
Sure? although if i'm Gaming, check first
Photographs?
If you want to, sure..
How can I find you?
Check the game room. Chances are I'll be working there... unless it's morning in which case don't come find me, precious.. precious sleep.
Where can I find you?
Game room... in the afternoon, or evening.. or overnight. Certainly feel free to join in for games ^.^
What panels/events do you plan to attend?
I can't think of any I'll be attending off the top of my head. They'd just take me away from games..
Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
don't have any, so... none.
Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
I'm not taken.
I'll be willing to accept, but as far as actively looking, I've pretty much given up.
Can I visit your room?
There's going to be nothing really to the room, and the 3 roomies may not appreciate it.. but i guess sure
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hug, yes..... snuggle, i suppose, although check first, don't just assume
Can I take you for walkies?
If it's to get games, absolutely
Do you do suit swapping/loaning?
man, quite a few questions are going to have me saying I don't have a suit in some way or another
Can I buy you food/drinks/Take you for dinner?
I certainly won't turn it down. Although you might have to drink with me if it's the drinks.
Are you a good boy?
more often than not
How long are you going?
Thursday, whenever i show up.. till Monday about noonish.
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Foxx!! HEY FOXX!! WANT TO GAME?
What’s your goal for the con this year?
Hopefully, help make some other people's con at least a little more fun.
Can I steal this meme from you?
I stole it from someone else... soooo... yes.
Where are you staying?
Main hotel. So, no travelling to get to the con once i'm there
What day are you getting there?
Thursday, probably... may technically be Friday when i actually arrive
How are you getting to the con?
Car, a 5-6 hour drive, but when not alone, it's tolerable
Who will you be rooming with?
again, no links to peeps.. but Pakesh, Valrus, and Omet, the same grouping as last year
Will you be fursuiting?
given how i don't have a suit, I would have to lean towards no
Will you be cosplaying/dressing up?
unlikely, unless best beard counts as it.
What is your gender?
Dude
How old are you?
38 actually, mentally varies wildly
Can I talk to you?
of course
Can I touch you?
depends on where o.O
Can I hug you?
Sure? although if i'm Gaming, check first
Photographs?
If you want to, sure..
How can I find you?
Check the game room. Chances are I'll be working there... unless it's morning in which case don't come find me, precious.. precious sleep.
Where can I find you?
Game room... in the afternoon, or evening.. or overnight. Certainly feel free to join in for games ^.^
What panels/events do you plan to attend?
I can't think of any I'll be attending off the top of my head. They'd just take me away from games..
Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
don't have any, so... none.
Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
I'm not taken.
I'll be willing to accept, but as far as actively looking, I've pretty much given up.
Can I visit your room?
There's going to be nothing really to the room, and the 3 roomies may not appreciate it.. but i guess sure
Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hug, yes..... snuggle, i suppose, although check first, don't just assume
Can I take you for walkies?
If it's to get games, absolutely
Do you do suit swapping/loaning?
man, quite a few questions are going to have me saying I don't have a suit in some way or another
Can I buy you food/drinks/Take you for dinner?
I certainly won't turn it down. Although you might have to drink with me if it's the drinks.
Are you a good boy?
more often than not
How long are you going?
Thursday, whenever i show up.. till Monday about noonish.
If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Foxx!! HEY FOXX!! WANT TO GAME?
What’s your goal for the con this year?
Hopefully, help make some other people's con at least a little more fun.
Can I steal this meme from you?
I stole it from someone else... soooo... yes.
First Journal - like all of them, it's cause i can't sleep
Posted 12 years agoUsually on livejournal, but doing it here, cause was looking at pictures and clearing out other's journals when i ran across this one so, without further ado -
1. What is your natural hair color?
redish brown
2. Where was your ID pic taken?
from VCL more than i decade ago
3. What's your middle name?
Walter
4. Your current relationship status?
depressingly long time single. But havn't actively looked in years so..
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
most recently - yes, but only as a friend
6. What is your current mood?
tired, but not enough to actually sleep
7. What's the color of your underwear?
black
8. What is one thing that makes you happy?
Engaging Games
9. Who was the last person you cuddled with?
Fiery Kitsune.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
go out more with the purpose of getting in a relationship? i don't know.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day?
*looks to name, looks to this question. looks back to name looks back to question* Red
12. Ever had a near death experience?
Yes... or.. i assume it would have killed me.. if not, definatly brain damage.
13. Something you do a lot?
Game.
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Raine Maida - Montreal
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
Gunpup... or here it's Firebreath (would link, but constantly forget how to do so)
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
As far as I'm aware of - nobody. Although quite a few close ones
17. When was the last time you cried?
movies are rediculously good at making me cry, so pretty recently.
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
If Feral Campfire Singalong counts, yes... otherwise no.
19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Shapeshifting
20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Either Boobs or hair.
21. What's your biggest secret?
Something i'll only say face to face. o.O or if i've known you for several years online.
22. What's your favorite color?
Tie Dye.. does that count? if not Red
23. When was the last time you lied?
2 Days ago.
24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Doing this and watching Darkwing Duck at the same time so.... going to have to say yes.
25. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Ice
26. What's your favorite smell?
Given that i barely smell anything ever.. going to have to say popcorn.
27. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
Inconsistant
28. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
2 days ago at Bear's BBQ
29. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
Probably
30. What are you thinking about right now?
Trying to remember the last time i kissed anyone
31. What should you be doing?
Sleeping.
32. What was the last thing that made you upset?
my work/financial situation.
33. Do you like working in the yard?
No. Hoping it stays raining, so i have an excuse to not mow the lawn.
34. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Fox or Masters
35. Name 5 things in your closet:
- Shirts
- Shorts
- NES
- Habs Jersey
- Collection of Mad Magazines
36. Do you act different around your crush?
Aside from displaying affection quite a bit more, no. Not compaired to being around friends. Which is quite a bit different than if alone, or at work.
37. When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?
Feral.
38. How many times do you take a shower a week?
7
39. Do you brush your teeth everyday?
yep
40. Have you ever said something stupid in front of your crush?
my last one, not really. before that - probably
41. Have you ever watched a hockey game?
just about every Habs game. Sometimes actually in the bell center
42. Do you lie about your age?
nope, although i usually have people guess my age before telling them
43. Ever been jealous about something stupid?
nope
44. Do you pick your nose?
yep. >.>
45. What's the one food you hate?
Seafood. or mexican.
46. What's the one junk food you cant live without?
either chips or skittles
47. How old were you when you found out Santa was fake?
i don't recall.. like 8 or 9. but i'm just guessing on that.
48. Have you ever blown your nose and looked inside the napkin?
nope.
49. Describe your favourite underwear you have?
the silk boxer briefs ? i guess..
50. Did you lie in any of these questions?
no. it would defeat the point if i were to.
1. What is your natural hair color?
redish brown
2. Where was your ID pic taken?
from VCL more than i decade ago
3. What's your middle name?
Walter
4. Your current relationship status?
depressingly long time single. But havn't actively looked in years so..
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
most recently - yes, but only as a friend
6. What is your current mood?
tired, but not enough to actually sleep
7. What's the color of your underwear?
black
8. What is one thing that makes you happy?
Engaging Games
9. Who was the last person you cuddled with?
Fiery Kitsune.
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
go out more with the purpose of getting in a relationship? i don't know.
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day?
*looks to name, looks to this question. looks back to name looks back to question* Red
12. Ever had a near death experience?
Yes... or.. i assume it would have killed me.. if not, definatly brain damage.
13. Something you do a lot?
Game.
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Raine Maida - Montreal
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
Gunpup... or here it's Firebreath (would link, but constantly forget how to do so)
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
As far as I'm aware of - nobody. Although quite a few close ones
17. When was the last time you cried?
movies are rediculously good at making me cry, so pretty recently.
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
If Feral Campfire Singalong counts, yes... otherwise no.
19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Shapeshifting
20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Either Boobs or hair.
21. What's your biggest secret?
Something i'll only say face to face. o.O or if i've known you for several years online.
22. What's your favorite color?
Tie Dye.. does that count? if not Red
23. When was the last time you lied?
2 Days ago.
24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Doing this and watching Darkwing Duck at the same time so.... going to have to say yes.
25. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Ice
26. What's your favorite smell?
Given that i barely smell anything ever.. going to have to say popcorn.
27. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
Inconsistant
28. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
2 days ago at Bear's BBQ
29. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
Probably
30. What are you thinking about right now?
Trying to remember the last time i kissed anyone
31. What should you be doing?
Sleeping.
32. What was the last thing that made you upset?
my work/financial situation.
33. Do you like working in the yard?
No. Hoping it stays raining, so i have an excuse to not mow the lawn.
34. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Fox or Masters
35. Name 5 things in your closet:
- Shirts
- Shorts
- NES
- Habs Jersey
- Collection of Mad Magazines
36. Do you act different around your crush?
Aside from displaying affection quite a bit more, no. Not compaired to being around friends. Which is quite a bit different than if alone, or at work.
37. When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?
Feral.
38. How many times do you take a shower a week?
7
39. Do you brush your teeth everyday?
yep
40. Have you ever said something stupid in front of your crush?
my last one, not really. before that - probably
41. Have you ever watched a hockey game?
just about every Habs game. Sometimes actually in the bell center
42. Do you lie about your age?
nope, although i usually have people guess my age before telling them
43. Ever been jealous about something stupid?
nope
44. Do you pick your nose?
yep. >.>
45. What's the one food you hate?
Seafood. or mexican.
46. What's the one junk food you cant live without?
either chips or skittles
47. How old were you when you found out Santa was fake?
i don't recall.. like 8 or 9. but i'm just guessing on that.
48. Have you ever blown your nose and looked inside the napkin?
nope.
49. Describe your favourite underwear you have?
the silk boxer briefs ? i guess..
50. Did you lie in any of these questions?
no. it would defeat the point if i were to.
