Well guess its not too early since its Christmas Eve and some groups are already celebrating their holidays but!

I wanted to just say happy holidays to all my watchers. You guys have been awesome and i'm so happy to have so many watchers that chat with me and keep me sane at time I feel Im lost.

Although I probably wont have the happiest of days tomorrow, I'm going to do my best. Christmas is a hard thing for me to do this year since I've been shunned from one side of my family for stupid bullshit.. And even though it was dumb, I doubt that my mom will ever speak to me again and I'm sure by now she's made up some crazy lie so that whole side of the family probably hates me too even though I didn't do anything wrong..

But! Oh well! I've gotta keep going like I have been! Gotta be strong and be happy about the people that ARE in my life.

So thank you! To all my old friends, all my new friends. You guys are my family. And I couldn't be happier.


<3

HOW.

UGH.



IM SO ANTI-SOCIAL.

DONT TALK TO ME -HISS-


yup, i talk in all caps.

MMMMMHM.


I should go to bed.......

Probably wont be on for too long but you can watch/chat here:

https://join.me/316-243-779

Theres a chat thing there I guess according to Red. THERES A BUBBLE? IDK FUH. GO. WATCH. LAUGH. IDK

So whenever I draw with my tablet pen in OC (OpenCanvas) it makes the drawing above where I actually drew..

Like if I drew a line..

The line would be here:

---

And my cursor would be down here: ^

So its weird and hard to draw on oc with a gap.. And sometimes the gap is bigger.

This only happens in OC and with the tablet pen, not my mouse. And the tablet works fine in PS.

I've tried re-downloading it again, but it still does it.

HALP MEEEEEE.

Where you feel like no one like you?

Yeah I'm having that kind of feeling..

Looked on dA for the first time in months.. and it made me sad. I used to know a lot of people.. talked to a lot of people on a daily basis.. Was considered semi-popular in furcadia back in the day lol

And now? I dont talk to anyone.. Dont know how.. dont know who whats to even talk to me anymore.

I dont know what I did to loose so many friends.. I dont know what I did to have had so many friends..
Maybe they werent really friends at all..


I thought I became a better person by being more social and talking more.. but ever since I've been social.. I've had no one to talk to really..
I dont know how to make more friends it seems..


BOTTOM LINE: I have no friends really anymore.

Gets lonely :l

Real lonely..

BTW, even though FL is still in the 80's I thought I'd change to my winter coat for my icon :3 so F5

:U GO.

So I finally got the call from my guy at casting. Well got the call yesterday I guess but I looked on the answering machine today and gave him a call back.

I'm going to work at my current location only one more week then I'm done! No more! I'll be transferred to Tomorrowland!
If anyone ever been to Disney World then they'll know where that is BUT for those that don't know, that's where the Stitch show is, Monsters Inc, Buzz Lighyear, Space mountain, etc is! I mostly excited bout Stitch but ya know C: I'll be working like.. all the attractions in tomorrowland I guess!

Although it's a bit of a drop in pay.. I think I'll be a lot happier.. I love dealing with people. I dont care how many times I get asked where the bathroom is.. I love it so much more than killing my body in a kitchen.

So thats good news!

But since it's a drop in pay.. I really need to try and figure out a side way to make money. I won't be working at Universal for a while.. since I don't really know what days I'll be scheduled.. I dont know if I'll be able to keep working there.

I really want to get a side income and the only things I kinda think I can do is art and costume pieces.. but costume pieces are a bit hard to make where I'm living and well.. my art isnt the greatest in the world. I'm trying though..
Here's the recent three I've done:
http://yfrog.com/oej6mewj Free art for Talon
http://yfrog.com/oep3nnj Free art for Suzi (Pose looks off.. but the pose I was referencing from looked stranger SO LOL)
http://i43.tinypic.com/14d3mo7.jpg

But I need advice.. I need to learn more.. and idk how. I need MAJOR help with hands.. And poses.. and idk ;A; What can I do to make my art good enough to where people will buy it? Or should I just not even bother and just try to do more costume/hoodie works..

Yup, link characters.

YOU KNOW THE DRILL

I feel so dead.

I feel like my body is giving up and so is my mind.

I force myself out of bed to go to my two jobs. This week I worked 50 ish so far and still have another 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. People say "oh but the money is nice". Money is not worth killing yourself over. Ever. And I feel like I'm literally I'm literally killing myself doing this. I feel brain dead since I'm so tired I can't even think straight. My back feels like someone is driving needles into my bones and leg. I can't help but just cry now because i don't want to do it.

But yet I keep waking up every morning and trying my best..

Why? So I can tell myself that I'm not a failure even though its a lie.

I dug myself into debt to go to college for cooking. Biggest waste of my life. As soon as I started culinary my back got worse and now I can't move fast enough.

I hate going to my cooking job because everyday I'm told the same thing, you aren't working fast enough, you need to work on your speed, pick up the pace, the list goes on.. I hate it. Im good at cooking, believe me, I can make some amazing food... But I can't keep up due to bullshit with my body thus making me a weak player on the team that no one wants me around. I'm pretty much shunned at work cause they all hate that they usually have to help me with something.. I feel so awful and I try so hard to keep up but I just can't. I don't know what to do anymore..

Do I put in my two week notice and hope I can pick up shifts at universal? Or do I keep going till my 6 months is up then bail to a different position? Can my body hold out another 5 months? Can my mind hold out that time knowing I suck and that those people hate me?

I just think about going to work tomorrow and I cry.. I can't do it anymore. I can't.. yet I'll still be up going at 5 in the morning... I need help..

I hate that I'm too stubborn to give up when I know I should. I stopped doing culinary jobs for a reason. Why didn't I think of that reason.

I'm sorry for the emotional rant..
I needed to get it off my chest somewhere..

It's  crushdood's birthday today!

Go shout dumb things on his page.

:D THANK YOU.

So got my tablet pen out of storage today..

Well the problem is, its doing weird stuff. The tablet is fine. It's the pen.
Like.. all it'll do is highlight and drag stuff around that I dont ask it to. Won't click on anything. I'm guessing it's just plain broken..

I have another pen in storage somewhere but if I cant find it, I'll need to get a new one somehow if I can't fix this one x___X;

Anyone ever had this problem?

If I can't fix it, would anyone be interested in a sketch for a $1? ;n; so I can get a new one? New ones are $30 ;A;


Ugh I hate this bamboo fun ;; It's old.. I always have problems with it..


Oh Crush got starcraft 2 for his bday. Anyone wanna play? Im so new .-.

HEY D: I need phone numbers again. FINALLY have a phone to keep!

Note me yer numberssss I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE. GIMME NUMBERS.

MY PHONE BOOK IS SO EMPTY /sob

CYBER POLICE ARE GONNA GET ME.

OH NOOOOOOOOOO.




:3c

I really hate knowing two parties that are involved in some bullshit fight. And knowing both, I feel like Im stuck in the middle. I hate agreeing with one side because I do honestly think that one party is in the wrong for attacking the other for voicing her concerns.

Listen, folks. Grow up. Im kinda ashamed of two people. One I dont personally know but the fact she seems to be just spitting in my friends face when she expresses her concerms about art style just urks me.

And the other im ashamed of cause she is only listening to one side of the story and acting immaturely about it.. And its horrible cause I know this person and she actually used to be okay with the other party, even drew with her. Then all of a sudden hates her? Really?

Sorry. Ranting.

I just cant stand immature bullshit..

Well, medical issue has taken care of itself really so I'll be a bit more active now<3

A huuuuge thank you goes to  redroseofdeath and  ifus for being there for me to talk to like logical adults about the situation.

If anyone REALLY needs to know and will be a mature adult about it, I'll tell them what happened. But I'm not going to talk to people about it if they are going to be children about it.

Anyways!

Might start using a different AIM username soon! Add Yenadawg to talk to me! Feel free to talk to me, im a friendly person xD I love learning about the people that follow me ;A;

ALSOOO
Recently been really wanting to improve more art-wise so I want to offer some FREE sketches! :3c

It may be anything, headshot, halfbody, fullbody, feral, anthro, chibi, w/e!

I'm going to take a lot of these. Just dont expect them uploaded right away. We cant use our computer at the moment(using an itouch now).

So post refs to me!

I'll be putting down the internet for a while.

Something big happened and I need to take some time to think about what to do and all that.

I will still be doing commissions that I've taken as soon as I get some money coming in from work. (Crush just started to get paid, got one yesterday but it was small, next week should be a bit better.) I dont start getting paid for a while..

Anyways, if people want to talk I can give out my cell number. Or I'll still use twitter so you can follow me there yenadawg c:

Byee~
Be back in a bit.

I got a job!

Going to be working at Universal Studios! :D
At the Men in Black ride LOL

I think the uniform for there was a suit and sunglasses XD

I start on Monday! :3

-happyyenadawg-

At the moment, im trying to make sure i dont go to jail.

Mom wants my car. I offered to buy it but she wont have it. Shes a stubborn bitch.

So im pretty much having to lay low and keep calm and prey she doesnt do the rash thing and call the cops on me..

Sorry for delays..

I always hate typing these kinds of journals

But

There will be a delay in our works.
We have to move again on Friday and its a full 2 day trip.

And if anyone has driven a long distance, it suuuucks
And drains you. So we'll be off from working on fursuits for a little bit until we can fix our lives up.

Just a few things have happened within the past few days that really kinda broke my spirits.

Im sorry for delays.. I hate being that guy that makes their commissioners waiting a little bit longer..

Post refs, idk how many I'll do

I wont say much about AC.

I had a pretty awful time. I had quite a few okay times with though so I can't say the whole con was a complete waste of time/money.

There were multiple reasons why my AC pretty much sucked but I won't really go into it all. I got to suit a few times and got to be part of an art jam on Sunday(even though it was only for like.. an hour and a half that I got to be there and some stuff really made me stop drawing, wont go into the drama..)

But I think it could have been a good con if a lot of things didnt happen and if some things were different :/


Anyways, thanks to anyone I met and got to say hi to.

Now we're going to be moving to FL in the next few days so I do apologize for any delays. All my commissions on my list should be finished mid to late July.


Might also be going to Megaplex.
If we do, I want to hold an art jam since I had a lot of fun at this last one I was able to attend.

I'll figure out the details though!

If anybodies wondering lol

Im having an eh time.. I wish i wasnt a dealer. Cause i gavent been able to do much else ;n;

Im at table k02 selling bandanas and totally "not" selling soda and monsters at my table >>;

Come say hi to me! Buy some shit c:

I think im going to sleep early

One of the people that was going to go, bailed out.

So we have an open bed space at the main hotel and one floor space avaliable.

120 total if we only have 5 in the room,
110 total if we get six.

Again, this is at the main hotel. We're clean, no-drama fursuiters. And im a dealer so we need a trustworthy person that isnt going to steal or have crazy sex orgies.

Let me know if you need a space!

I wanna know who is going this year! Cause i wanna meet people! :3