After about a month of daily stress and other things, today was a good day. I got mail.

Most of the time, my mail is either a bill, not for me, or junk. But today, I didn't have any of that. It was all for me, and it wasn't bill related.

Four pieces of mail all at once!

1) Last of Us. Ordered it from Target because my mom got me a target gift card and we don't have any around here. It wasn't supposed to arrive until next week.

2) My paycheck. I pay myself, so it's not too exciting, but it also got here a week early.

3) My NC tax return. Hello an extra $2000. (My accountant greatly overestimated how much I would owe, but the result is exciting.)

4) IRS Approval Letter. My company is officially an s-corp! I was greatly worried that it would be denied.

WEE!!!

Work's been a bitch the past month. To the point where I've been looking for alternatives including other jobs and further schooling.

To give an example with the level of shit I've been dealing with lately, I'll share a generalization of what happened today.

I got an email asking why I was not working on a bug that was delaying the next release and instead had added a new bug to be tested and added to the next release. The email was rather nasty, asking why my manager could not get any coordination and when the unscheduled projects stop. He couldn't "get it" in his very condescending email.

I was immediately infuriated at the email. The bug I worked on was a problem introduced by the new release and an easy fix that required less than five minutes of testing to confirm that it was working okay. I was even more angry when I realized that the bug I was accused of not working on, the very same holding up the release, had been marked as resolved--and a duplicate--over 24 hours at the time the email was scent.

I responded by asking my manager to check our bug-tracking system to get the current information before asking why I wasn't on task. I explained that the bug--and all of the bugs in the release--were in the testing stage meaning that the support team was supposed to be confirming or denying their validity and also that no one was waiting on a dev to do work. I punctuated the email saying that we'd have better communication when everyone was using information that wasn't a day behind.

Perhaps my response was unprofessional, but it's important to remember that MY business is contracted by THEIR business. I am not an employee, and after a month of similar bullshit, constant headaches, and other nasty emails, I am tired of it.

What can I do when the manager would rather question the integrity of the entire product rather than admit blame for EVERYONE not finding a bug? Not only did he choose to invalidate the integrity, but he then chose to ignore the would-be consequences.

He regularly changes "history" on how things happened to suit his needs.

He regularly will get angry about a bug that's "new" and wants to know how it got broken when it's something that has been broken for months and problematic OR has always been broken with no user-facing results.

I got an urgent email a few weeks back because he was negotiating with other companies to buy the product, and the special code he gave them to test the product didn't work. "Why isn't this working?" "Why is it broken now?" You can read the anger in his emails. The sad thing? This was the second time this happened, and both times he gave out the WRONG code. The first time was immediately when the code was created and he copy/pasted it wrong.

I've started working an extra two hours a day for a three day weekend to try and alleviate some of the stress, but I don't know how long I'm going to last.

The worst part is...when this management failure BS isn't happening, I like my job. I get to pick my own hours, work from home, make really good pay....

But it's hell when I make a simple, five-minute fix that then requires me to spend HOURS on justifying why I did it. This is after a year of having very little management at all.

In episode one, we review what one should absolutely not do under any circumstance to your computer unless you specifically want and have prepared for that effect.

What should you not do? Be me. Or at least be like me.

How not to be like me? Pay attention to where your operating system installed its boot manager, and then not format that partition.

Why? Well, what happens is rather awesome. The computer doesn't know how to boot up into that operating system any more. The file structure is intact as are all the documents and what not, but you can't boot into it.

Now, one would assume you could recreate the boot manager, but its not as easy as it sounds. I spent six hours trying to recover or rebuild it, but to no luck.

So.... I had to obliterate my creations and rebuild, much like God did with the flood. My files were rescued by my 1.5TB (dying) HDD which took about 3 hours or so to backup the data. I then proceeded to format /both/ harddrives and reinstall Windows 7 as well as Ubuntu 12.04.

You would think that that Windows, being on SDD #1 would have it's boot manager as SDD #1, but it didn't, and it was my fault for not catching it and setting it up poorly.

Anyway, I'm still recovering from the total loss of my OS, trying to rebuild where I can without reinstalling (because I'm a developer, and if you've ever had to set up a dev environment with specific libraries and specific versions, you know how big of a pain in the ass it really is).

Go here for a chance at it. Artist looks to be promising!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4517273/

Says it all.

So, I was talking to my friend, and he asked if there was anything I wanted.

I told him a blow job.

Apparently, he delivers.

I got this: https://www.sofurry.com/view/507874

So, go ask https://toomanyjs.sofurry.com/ for more blowjobs and maybe you'll get one too!

Hello to you if you're reading this,

I'm no longer a NC fur, but a TN fur. Yep, I moved. Cost of living is cheaper, and I'm much closer to one of my best friends (only 15 minutes!). I've got a two-bedroom apartment now rather than a one, and it's so much more spacious. I've even got a kitchen I can work in without tripping over my tail.

Things are really stressful, though. It seems like everyone around me is depressed, and I'm having to force myself not to crumble just to remain strong for others. It's hard to do, especially when work is constantly calling me, emailing me, and pressuring me to get things done. I haven't had a paid day off since January of 2012; not even Christmas. I essentially lost a week and a half worth of wages over the holidays and moving.

Really? I just want to sleep. Maybe have a good dream and not wake up for a month or two or three.

I may have some of these, and I'm willing to give some out.

Priority will be given to those that have provided feedback on some of my submissions and what not.

I'll have more next month, though.

Thanksgiving was kind of meh: the focus wasn't on me and my lack of a girlfriend, for once, but it unfortunately was on my cousin who was in a car accident. She's lucky to be alive and even luckier that her spinal injury hasn't paralyzed her. It's likely that she won't be able to walk as well as she used to, and there will be a rehab process.

I went home on Tuesday and stayed until Saturday. Despite having an awesome job, I don't get paid holidays so I still had to work. I worked on Tuesday after driving 8 hours with my carsick dog (he vomited five times). I tried working on Thanksgiving, but couldn't bring myself to do it after doing a Thursday-night Black Friday shopping thing. I got some PS3 games :D I didn't leave Friday like I wanted to, since my family wanted to celebrate my birthday. The celebration was lackluster because of my cousin's accident and my mother's being sick. The best cake in the world wasn't finished until the hour of my Saturday departure; it was amazingly yummy though!

The dog only vomited three times on the way back, and thankfully he slept the rest of the way. It was a small blessing.

Sunday, my birthday, and I stayed in bed with whatever my mom had. Got some work done, but I didn't get my full 40 hours for the week.

I guess this is a good example of the dredge that we have to walk through occasionally in life. Overall, things are good, and I'm thankful for that.

I did fail NaNoWriMo. Despite wanting to do it, I got stuck on a passage and refused to move forward or skip it. I will, however, try to get the first chapter done by the end of the year and post it here. I want people to read it, and I'd love to hear people's thoughts on Indigo Freedom.

Why a month? Because my life is going to be hectic for the next month: I'm moving to Tennessee, but have yet to pick out a place or set a date, but I have to move in December, my friend is getting married in December, and oh yeah, them holiday things that will eat up two weekends.

Fun times.

I have one now!

https://www.weasyl.com/profile/ivashin


Thanks to this guy here:

I've been thinking about this: it would be a hassle, but I think it's a worthwhile goal. Perhaps a good way to force myself to start and finish Indigo Freedom.

What do you guys think? Would anyone be interested in supporting me doing this, like...pestering me for yesterday's work? Lol.

It'll be hard to do with work and all....

There's only one thing worse than a friend that's close to you dying. It's finding out that hell they went through before death.

Rhaffe. You were loved. I only wish I made it clear just how much, and I know I'm not the only one. We regret not being able to help, and I regret not being able to do that RP with you.

There's a lot I'd like to say to you, but I guess it's too late now. I just hope that the things I've heard aren't true.

So... I got a Twitter account. I've been against it, but I thought maybe it'd be fun to have one.

Follow me! I'll be entertaining.

Ivashin_

This is a rant. I'm kind of irked really, and it's with the watchers in general, not specifically those of you watching me.

I first want to make it quite clear that I am thankful that you guys have watched me. I appreciate the support.

But...

Why watch me if you're not going to view anything? Why watch someone if you don't plan on supporting them? Now...some of you aren't watching me to see my submissions, but because we're friends, but to the others that I've barely interacted with...why?

'The Form of Love' was posted a month ago. To this date, it has /only/ had three views. Three. I know poetry isn't exactly popular, but I did explicitly state that it was a poem from the novel I'm working on. I posted it to get feedback. Suggestions for it, criticisms, etc. Even some questions behind it.

It's really discouraging that a piece of work that I spent weeks on (yes, weeks) got three views. It's even more discouraging that it's for a novel that I'm working on, and there seems to be zero interest.

I know I'm not exactly the best or most popular, but no support?

These past 8 days have been hell. And that's a weak term, comparatively. I'm generally the type of guy that likes to know what's coming, plan around it, and if I can, pick when it will happen.

Unfortunately, I had zero say in everything this week.

By no means a comprehensive, ordered list of all the shit I've had to deal with:
- Lost home
- Dog puke x 10
- Met someone
- Painful drama
- Hurt a friend
- Hurt another friend
- Other stuff that was overshadowed or that I'm choosing not to share

To make a long story short, I've opted to withdraw my presence from the furry community a bit. I'm not leaving, but my fursona, Ivashin, is now on hold on f-list. Anyone who has interacted with me would know that Ivashin's the character I'm almost always around as.

And no, this is not due to any one incident or person. I have been weathered down this week. Raw. Right now, I just want to hide and lick my wounds.

I'm sitting down at my desk at home eating some celebratory chicken fried rice. TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY AT THE SHITTY JOB! The world is awesome. I am awesome, and my new job is going to be awesome.

On to other things, I created a new character on f-list and have been RPing with him for the past week. I'll admit that he's pretty much a sub. Yes, a SUB! For those of you out there that will find this news wonderful and start staring at my ass, stare all you want, I'm still not a sub in real life.

IT'S CALLED RP! (WOO, new job!) And if I'm going to be writing novels that contain gay sex, especially ones that involve some dom/sub play, I need to get some experience writing from a bottoms perspective.

I have not forgotten about the raffle, and it's my hope to start on it within the next two weeks. Getting a new job has kind of thrown my schedule into disarray, but IT'S A NEW JOB AND IT'S AWESOME.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm giddy today. Thrilled, overjoyed, amazingly relieved that my existence is no longer tainted by that job, and that I can remove that company from my ontology.

Huzzah.

Hurray.

Time to make money, and maybe screw some bitches.


:D :D :D

Well, I want to first thank everyone that entered. It was awesome to have you guys participate, and if I feel up to it, I might ask if I can take up your ideas as well. Not promising that, though.

The way I did it was this:

Everyone got 1 ticket that entered. If a person had me watched, they got a second ticket. I randomized the tickets and assigned them a number, and then went to random.org and had it draw for me.

So, with ticket #9, was the winner! Congrats!


If this ends up being a success, I'll probably do more later, and thanks again for participating.

Long story short, I'm having a bit of writer's block right now, and although I think my writing is good enough that I could take commissions, smart buyers would want previous work. Since my previous work is nonfurry, I need to build up a portfolio and none of my own ideas interest me right now. So why not a raffle? It's free, and it'll help get my name out there

The way this works:
- Create a journal linking to this one and advertise for me! It definitely is appreciated.
- People who watch me will get priority, but it's not required. Again, it's definitely appreciated.
- Comment on this journal and include a synopsis of what you want done, enough that I can judge. Details are good, but don't go overboard.
- There will be at least one winner, but I may pick others if their ideas interest me.
- I will note the winner(s) asking for more details and start an evolving plan with them.


Themes:
- Sexual or nonsexual, but I am limiting it to m, m/f, m/m. No f/f, and f-only could work depending on the idea.
- Needs some plot. I'm not going to do pure yiff, but yiff can be part of it.
- That said, it can be highly sexual plot. ;)


Requirements:
- Characters need to be under 25 and at least 18.
- Gay theme needs to be worked in somehow. Doesn't have to be an m/m story, obviously, but it needs to be in there.
- Artistic freedom. I will try my best to follow directions and stay true to your vision, but I am the one that will be writing the story. If every paragraph must be a certain way or the author wants to approve everything a character does, then I'm not interested. This is not a word-crafting exercise, but a story-writing one.


- Xasbel
- Dotas323*
- XeverusMiller*
- dabb46*
- DarkHearts*
- kittenbloodrose*

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages/comments you and asks. And believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming... things are not exactly as they seem.
3. It is harder than it looks, but NO explanations !!! You will want to... but don't!!!

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? --- Yes
Been arrested? --- No
Kissed someone you didn't like? --- Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? --- Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? --- Yes
Ran a red light? --- Yes
Been suspended from school? --- No
Experienced love at first sight? --- Yes
Totaled your car in an accident? --- No
Been fired from a job? --- No
Fired somebody? --- No
Sang karaoke? --- Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? --- Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? --- Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? --- Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- Yes
Kissed in the rain? --- No
Had a close brush with death (your own)? --- Yes
Seen someone die? --- No
Played spin-the-bottle? --- Yes
Sang in the shower? --- Yes
Smoked a cigar? --- Yes
Sat on a rooftop? --- Yes
Taken pictures of yourself naked? --- No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? --- No
Skipped school? --- Yes
Eaten a bug? --- Yes
Sleepwalked? --- No
Walked a moonlit beach? --- Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? --- Yes
Dumped someone? --- Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? --- No
Lied to avoid a ticket? --- No
Ridden on a helicopter? --- No
Shaved your head? --- No
Blacked out from drinking? --- No
Played a prank on someone? --- Yes
Hit a home run? --- Yes
Felt like killing someone? --- Yes
Cross-dressed? --- No
Been falling-down drunk? --- No
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? --- Yes
Eaten snake? --- No
Marched/Protested? --- Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? --- No
Puked on an amusement ride? --- No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? --- Yes
Been in a band? --- Yes
Knitted? --- No
Been on TV? --- No
Shot a gun? --- Yes
Skinny-dipped? --- Yes
Caused someone to need stitches? --- No
Ridden a surfboard? --- No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? --- Yes
Had surgery? --- No
Streaked? --- No
Taken by ambulance to hospital? --- No
Passed out when not drinking? --- No
Peed on a bush? --- Yes
Donated Blood? --- Yes
Grabbed electric fence? --- Yes
Eaten alligator meat? --- Yes
Eaten cheesecake? --- Yes
Eaten kids' Halloween candy? --- Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? --- Yes
Peed your pants in public? --- No
Written graffiti? --- No
Still love someone you shouldn't? --- Yes
Think about the future? --- Yes
Been in handcuffs? --- Yes
Believe in love? --- Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? --- Yes

It's time that I write a novel, and I think, at least for my first one, it should be furry. There are a lot of reasons for this: niche market (so if it's liked, higher chance of publishing, and if I toss in some smut...), greater flexibility of characters, and I like them.

What I'd love is some support in this. Encouragement, ideas, maybe even a reader or two.... An artist would be a godsend, but I, unfortunately, couldn't pay for one at this time. If the novel ever gets published, the illustrator would get their fair share, of course.

So... My current thoughts, as "a furry novel" certainly isn't very descriptive as to what the novel will actually be. Thus, it will be a furry novel with gay themes. (The crowds rejoice!). And, there will be some smut, but if you want to get off, go to SoFurry and look up some porn. Not that my porn won't be good enough to get you off.

It will be in a modern scene, which isn't to different from the real world, although things will be different, obviously. I intend to do some world building in this area so that things make sense.

There will also be some restrictions: no hybrids, except for what actually does occur (mules, ligers, etc.), no birds, and I'm seriously considering making domestic-food animals be feral (cows, sheep, goats, etc.)

So yeah. Feel free to comment about anything you may think is a good idea.


Oh, and the main character's name is Bruce.

I'm writing this just to be writing it down somewhere. It's...not good, but then again, even when I'm well, the stuff I tend to write isn't good. I don't want sympathy, either, so if you're reading this, don't give me any "Awww, *hugs*" stuff.

I don't want pity. I want an answer.

Who am I?

All I know is that I hate myself right now for not having an answer to the simple question. I want -someone- but I can't say anything more than that. Male? Female? Definitely not trans (I know that much, no offense).

I'm envious of those who are comfortable with themselves in who they are. I feel...trapped. I don't have the self-esteem to reach out and experiment. I think I would if I had an answer to my question, but...I'm not sure I can answer it unless I do experiment.

It's creating a pit.