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W: distress | Personal
Posted 2 years agoHey there guys!
I really appreciate everyone waiting for their comissions and being patient with my easily distracted self, but life have been hitting hard and right now it just got to my metaphorical nuts. Your girl have been going through some emotional burnout since 2021 parental divorce and it's haven't been easy since. You know, those childhood traumas and daddy issues, amirite? Always going up and down but never leaving forever. It's now 2023, some mental problems have been won over, but depression and her fuckbuddies is not something that can be cured with few years of therapy, especially if it was never treated or even spoken aloud before.
March was and still is an extremely hard month for me - my birth date, always filled with existential crisis, shitty family reunions from alcoholic fights to promises of ending my life and so much more. This was always some sort of unavoidable mess, that I keept getting into throught long 25 years. Right now it hit it's peak again and I am a honest mess, I feel apathetic and can barely function, I've cut social contacts to bare minumum, stayed private and silent about ongoing storm that is happening in my head. But I feel like I can not handle it anymore, I have to get back on medical help meaning I will dissapear for some time again. Burnout, anexiety, depression, ongoing war, scooter ankle thoughts, one of my parents dying of cancer and while I can not feel any bit of the pity for everything he have done - its confusing and it hurts and messes with my head.
I am very sorry for falling so hard behind and I am not asking for forgiveness nor pity.
Just please, give me some time. I can handle it. I always got through with it in the end.
I really appreciate everyone waiting for their comissions and being patient with my easily distracted self, but life have been hitting hard and right now it just got to my metaphorical nuts. Your girl have been going through some emotional burnout since 2021 parental divorce and it's haven't been easy since. You know, those childhood traumas and daddy issues, amirite? Always going up and down but never leaving forever. It's now 2023, some mental problems have been won over, but depression and her fuckbuddies is not something that can be cured with few years of therapy, especially if it was never treated or even spoken aloud before.
March was and still is an extremely hard month for me - my birth date, always filled with existential crisis, shitty family reunions from alcoholic fights to promises of ending my life and so much more. This was always some sort of unavoidable mess, that I keept getting into throught long 25 years. Right now it hit it's peak again and I am a honest mess, I feel apathetic and can barely function, I've cut social contacts to bare minumum, stayed private and silent about ongoing storm that is happening in my head. But I feel like I can not handle it anymore, I have to get back on medical help meaning I will dissapear for some time again. Burnout, anexiety, depression, ongoing war, scooter ankle thoughts, one of my parents dying of cancer and while I can not feel any bit of the pity for everything he have done - its confusing and it hurts and messes with my head.
I am very sorry for falling so hard behind and I am not asking for forgiveness nor pity.
Just please, give me some time. I can handle it. I always got through with it in the end.
ᅠ
Posted 4 years ago
& ᴍᴏʀᴇ
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ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏꜰᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴀʀᴛɪꜱᴛ. ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴜɴꜱᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴍᴇɴᴛᴀʟɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ ꜱɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴘʀᴏᴄʀᴀꜱᴛɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴɪꜱᴍ, ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴅɪꜱᴄɪᴘʟɪɴᴇ. ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ꜱᴄʜᴇᴅᴜʟᴇ ɪꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴏᴛɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴄᴏɴꜱɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴛ, ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴅᴏɴᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴛɪᴍᴇʟʏ ᴍᴀɴɴᴇʀ, ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ɴᴏɴᴇ ᴅɪꜱᴄᴜꜱꜱᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢ. ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪ ꜱᴛʀɪꜰᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ, ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴡᴀʀɴᴇᴅ. ᴘʀᴏᴄᴇᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴄᴀʀᴇ /!\
ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴄᴏʙɪɴᴇᴅ ᴀᴅʜᴅ, ꜱᴇɴꜱᴏʀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ ɪꜱꜱᴜᴇꜱ. ɪ ᴇᴀꜱɪʟʏ ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀꜱᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴡᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ɪꜰ ᴡᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀꜱᴇ ʀᴇᴘᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅʟʏ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ꜱʜʏ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀɴ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇ, ɪ ᴛʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ, ʙᴜᴛ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ɪ ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴏʀ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴏᴠᴇʀᴡʜᴇʟᴍᴇᴅ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ᴍᴇ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ᴘᴀᴛɪᴇɴᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴍᴇ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪꜰ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ꜰᴏʀɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ. ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀɴ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ. ɴᴏ ꜰʟɪʀᴛɪɴɢ!
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W: abuse | Personal
Posted 5 years ago2022, November 4
Edit:
This journal will be now kept as a reminder that this have happened to me, a part of history that will never be erased from my memory as one of the most traumatic events that forced me to move forward.
TLDR; mentaly and verbally, physically abusive household gets broken apart and it's shatters everything I knew.
2021, March 15
Edit:
All the previous journals were deleted due to me reciving angry notes. I appreciate the support, I realy do, and its nice to see that people care for some other person across the globe, but please, keep unwanted negative comments regarding this to yourself. You have no right to decide for someone else that they should do with their families in agressive, rude way, specially when you are not even close with the person. Same goes with assuming that everyone in the world is American or live by American laws. Dont be like this or I probably wont be the last person who blocked you.
__________________________________
Now back to updates.
I was "kicked" out from my home due to me daring speak against my father disgusting choices (long story short: my abusive father cheated, we found out it on my birthday, there was fights all the time, after last one he pretended to care for a family for a week and then abandoned my mother right in her birthday). No violence happened and I am rather happy to be living separately for a short period of time since he probably wont stay long now with his ruined ego of a "real family man ™", when even my mom finally took her things and left his petty ass. My sister flat out ignores him just like his own Mother (who disowned him btw), so I hope I will be able to tell you all the amazing grand Finale soon.
On good note - I have a Bachelor degree in Journalism now and finished my education meaning less ties to stay near my parent. This also means I have more time to work on all art I own with proper attention to it to produce only better quality and throw out adopts that have been laying around unsold for a long time in the back of my folder. Yay. If some of you guys have qwestions I will be happy to answer those as much as I can, the only thing being that I will be flat out ignoring anything related to failed attempt of my Mother. She is... kinda better now, I will be trying to take her to proper professional but having around 28 years lost is hard.
Also would like to say all the special thanksies to my friends who have been keeping me safe like Raven, Orion, Yeeny (chaotic), Chonky boi and many others in my servers. I am very happy that I have all of you with me and even more my dear husbando - Crux, the only one who can handle my even more insane ass in such times.
Edit:
This journal will be now kept as a reminder that this have happened to me, a part of history that will never be erased from my memory as one of the most traumatic events that forced me to move forward.
TLDR; mentaly and verbally, physically abusive household gets broken apart and it's shatters everything I knew.
2021, March 15
Edit:
All the previous journals were deleted due to me reciving angry notes. I appreciate the support, I realy do, and its nice to see that people care for some other person across the globe, but please, keep unwanted negative comments regarding this to yourself. You have no right to decide for someone else that they should do with their families in agressive, rude way, specially when you are not even close with the person. Same goes with assuming that everyone in the world is American or live by American laws. Dont be like this or I probably wont be the last person who blocked you.
__________________________________
Now back to updates.
I was "kicked" out from my home due to me daring speak against my father disgusting choices (long story short: my abusive father cheated, we found out it on my birthday, there was fights all the time, after last one he pretended to care for a family for a week and then abandoned my mother right in her birthday). No violence happened and I am rather happy to be living separately for a short period of time since he probably wont stay long now with his ruined ego of a "real family man ™", when even my mom finally took her things and left his petty ass. My sister flat out ignores him just like his own Mother (who disowned him btw), so I hope I will be able to tell you all the amazing grand Finale soon.
On good note - I have a Bachelor degree in Journalism now and finished my education meaning less ties to stay near my parent. This also means I have more time to work on all art I own with proper attention to it to produce only better quality and throw out adopts that have been laying around unsold for a long time in the back of my folder. Yay. If some of you guys have qwestions I will be happy to answer those as much as I can, the only thing being that I will be flat out ignoring anything related to failed attempt of my Mother. She is... kinda better now, I will be trying to take her to proper professional but having around 28 years lost is hard.
Also would like to say all the special thanksies to my friends who have been keeping me safe like Raven, Orion, Yeeny (chaotic), Chonky boi and many others in my servers. I am very happy that I have all of you with me and even more my dear husbando - Crux, the only one who can handle my even more insane ass in such times.
