damn I haven’t drawn in 6 days already

I’ve been putting this on the backburner of posting this journal here all the way since february, but here it is…in it’s grotesque entirety.

originally posted to deviant art..

I just wanna say how fleeting social media and it’s life is.

I know how broad yet powerful the word ‘life’ can be, but it’s a warranted necessity really.

lately I’ve been trying to blog/journal my life on another website & also try to take a little step back from constantly being on social media; like Instagram or DeviantArt.

but then I’ve started to realize how such sites are…like… an enigma, a time capsule of a time. I’ve begun to notice how whenever we post something online, it can be both easily erased and remembered.

like a library, like a local cafe, like any archive, you can be a regular patron, coming back to the place, seeing the same food, books, and people on the regular -but it all can be burned down at any time….with the same food, books, and people in it.

Yet…you remember what there was.

that’s really the broad strokes of what I’m thinking. Enough with the fancy ticulars though,

what I’m **insinuating** is-

*Whenever a person posts something online, that media will always have the possibility of being remembered (or part of someone else's memory), but at the time will have the same chance of being gone, forever, only for the “memoree” (art, music, blogs) to have it exist only in other people’s mind.*

but what I’m **directly** getting at is-

*Many many times I’ve seen amazing artists pop up on these social medias and share their wonderful art.…..But many many times I see those same artists delete their entire account, wiping all of their art away. They wipe all of their history, their interactions, their memories away.
However, I remember these artists, I think about these artists long after they “die”. I remember how much of an inspiration they were.*

In these moments, I rarely attempt to find contact with them & try to find out why they deleted their socials. Why? Because I have morals, I understand that people have their own situations, perhaps their obligations, or preferences of their waking time.

I am indifferent in their choice. But you know what. I also, at the same time, respect them, because I still have the memory of them. I’ll remember them years into the future as one of the best inspirations ever, even if they think either otherwise on their time here.

I can’t say I’ve been seeing this happen lately though, I’ve been off of these sites more often these days; still is tragic nonetheless, no matter how long ago it was.

It isn’t necessarily a total deletion as I’ve been saying so far either, some may keep it up/abandon it or move into a new account without saying anything.

Others come back (like  Adriano_Romea_Corsini),

Others do not. -and thats okay.

But have my word, I have the memory, I have the remembrance, out to the other >10 artists I know about who are gone. Blesses to all of y’all. 💚

30 mins till artight!!

I hope I actually draw this time…

Watching as it is less than 13 minutes away from the Artfight theme reveal, I realize I haven’t drawn ANY art in 11 (ELEVEN) days.

oh no…….I’llll be fine!

hey look it works!

“watching as world crumbles under its own desperate declamations, beautifully suggested by bombs galore and threats dramatized under their volatile hands of authority -seeming so slurred to their empathy, yet full of apathy-.”

too presumptuous? most likely. I just dont wanna see people fight each other to the death.

I love humans, I love y’all so much. If any of y’all (6 people) have seen my journals, you understand the enigma that is…humanity. Yet man, it can be a bitch sometimes.

people can create such beautiful communities where people can be themselves around others, being able to support each other through things too. It’s really glamorous.

And i guess there isn’t really much of a point to this journal. I’m just here, typing this out, at this very moment, a brain with nerves that controls me typing this.

This is really consciousness huh.

It’s hard to imagine that the person reading this also does too. A person who has lived experiences their whole life just as much (probably more) as I have.

Sonder.


Don’t die people, especially y’all JACQAL, Nahyon, Suchscary, gogoJZ, Crazyfoxlady, Freezy-rat, Tofuduchess, Adriano Romea Corsini, Nagpox, Tommyzz123, Pashtet-dragon, and the hundreds of other artists on this site that made me wanna stay on this site.

90% if the amazing artists i’ve seen don’t know who I am or don’t log onto the site anymore, and that’s okay. I still appreciate them just as much as any other person.


Those people, keep creating, keep living, and keep being you (while improving on yourself). I LOVE Y’ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, like man some of y’all are the sweetest people I know (blesses to you JACQAL).

I have 2130 submissions dating back 110 days ago and 462 journals to look over….soon.

bye byee friends and strangers

hmmmm, should i do artfight y’all?

new art, new me (pfp) 💸

y’know, I can’t help but adore over-presumptuous youtube videos or art or just any media man. I love how oddly captivating it can be to watch a person be borderline incomprehensible to a topic you only know small flickers about. Like It’s really a flair y’know, for a dude to try to be genuine to their own mind…to give a message we’re attempt to grasp fully. Just like how a writer can fully understand the world in the story that they made in their head, but the reader only sees the ink on the page. It becomes really beautiful once you realize that, atleast to me.

or something i dunno
I psvrqpj bừpj ưtoj fbh ưhaozb)0741!””-&014!0;$!2:0$

me when I discover a beautiful artist from the 3rd art on the browse page 💞❣️❤️‍🩹💗💔❣️💖💘💝💛🧡🩵💔💚

it makes me realize/remember that this site has basically no algorithm

lets sift through 1268 submissions that date back to december 31st 2024 :)

hey guys, although I once again have not gotten a valentines of my own, I hope y’all had a great day with yours, cheerios!

idk how to feel about me wanting to wear a skirt

for context, everytime I check out at an online OC creator (like picrew) and try to make myself, but then accidentally put a skirt on, I honestly really really wonder how it’s like to wear a skirt in normal life

like fyi, I’m not talking about those dainty mini-skirts,
I’m talking about those a full gown type of skirts, down past my ankles type of skirts, kicking it up with my shoes when I walk type of skirt. I dunno I think they can be super awesome and stylish if you decorate them and could super mobile if you have a good tailored one.


I’m not tryna insinuate anything here. I always have and felt like a cis guy myself, I’ve had no feelings of wanting to be any other gender. Again I’m not trying to insinuate anything, but this desire to, as society has put it, “crossdress”, makes me have a feeling I don’t understand

for one part, I am fully clear and aware of the concept of “gender” and how ambiguous you want it -or not to want it to be. I mean we’re here in this furry fandom site, It’s pretty definite that I am myself a supporter of the people in this ‘societally adverse’ view.

yet I am also aware of the claim/belief people make…, “Clothes don’t actually have a gender to them! They don't really mean anything!”

No, you don’t actually believe that. The mass majority of people on earth don’t.

If you truly believe that, why do you dress people in lingerie and associate that with feminine stature, and dress people in boxers for masculine.

If you truly believe that, why do you make silly tiktoks or reels about wearing big t-shirts & grey sweatpants as a girl to look like a rubbished dude.

AND if you truly believe that, why do you put your two “ambiguous/fluid” gendered OCs in a cloth swap video, -and then how is it possible for everybody to see that the one in the skirt is the pinkie-pied, cutesy fem

No, you and basically everybody sees clothes as a step to those cohorts.

(also, don’t even BEGIN to say that “ah well, they’re just silly videos/drawings, they don’t represent themselves!”. Ah well, why do you suppose people consume and create such drawings, animations, and sernarios in the first place?

hmmm, possibly because of societal views for the past 200 years now?
hmmm, maybe now its inherent, ignited, in-landed in your brain’s thought process to see this severance?

now you start to break this view down from this surge of gender evolution?
not possible, it’s not, it’s ingrained now)

so once I thought about all of this, I realized, huh, , everybody around me, my friends, family, aquantences, people waiting in line at the cafe, my job interviewer,

there would always full sight blinker on me, as person ‘not so much as a guy’. Just for wearing a skirt.

and I see too, why is this such a huge deal to me? I KNOW that people should dress how they make them happy.

but why is this hard for me?

It’s cause I have and feel like a guy my whole life and now. But with that there is this obstacle of,

“hey man, I respect everybody for why they are, but I also respect myself for what I am, a dude, a he/him.

but if I do this one thing (wear a skirt), that would inherently dismiss my identity (a dude).”

For me to wear a skirt, there is not really anything stopping the fact that it would strip a part of me away. I am not saying that being feminine is bad, but that’s not what I wish to be. That is not me.

And why would it strip a part of me? Because this globe sees gender norms, and I hate to say it, but a chunk of the lgbtq community does too. They deny it, but they continue to consume it.

I love y’all queers but it sometimes irks me to see many of y’all give empty advise.

I busted my ass so hard it genuinely hurts to stand & walk straight and I can’t help but imagine that this is how it feels to be ferociously pegged, or the otherwise.

oof, time for me to get back to my regularly scheduled activities on here with sifting through 25 days of submissions!

…tomorrow, not now….sleepy..

I am back here and alive to say I love humans, so much. Such conscience. They are all me, and I am all them. If I love me, I love them. But it’s sometimes hard to love me. It’s hard. It’s so hard. No one ever taught me how to love me. And I cry sometimes, I cry a lot. But I’m glad. I’m glad I’ve found people who cry too, these people. They cry for me, they cry when I cry, they cry not always for themselves, but lots for me. I’m glad. I’m glad they are me. Happy when I am. Sad when I am. And I’ll try now to be them too. I’ll try. So please, please, I’ll cry, laugh, cheer, scream, and weep. I will, I am all them, and they are all me. Humans. I love y’all. So, so, much.

to that journal nahyon posted 5 days ago, it struck something.
oh to wish to be my genuine self, the daunt task of not fearing scrutiny from people with not an ounce of passion. oh when will I overcome this hurdle, oh when will I see myself in the lines and sounds I make, in the poly lines and pungent ink. oh to wish I do, the sense and projection I am behind all of me, my actuality, this esoterism! TELL ME WHEN! I’LL GIVE IT ALL! I’LL GIVE EVERYTHING I AM TO FIND WHAT I AM!

HAPPY NEW YEAR MY DECOMPOSING ISOPODS 🎉

hey if y’all ever feel stressed or kinda feel alittle panicked, I’d really recommend taking a cool (but not cold) shower. Just wanna to put that out there cause it has honestly really helped me out alot recently. cheers :)

I’m 2 days late but I hope y’all had a great christmas or holidays

happy 100 watchings celebration 🎊 😗

getting older has made me realize more and more how expensive Christmas can be 🥲

oh man, the desire to get a drawing tablet…

I’ve been on hiatus on art for a maybe 2 weeks now, and it’s made me realize,
I WANT TO DO DIGITAL THINGS!

I WANT BRUSHES, I WANT TEXTURES, I WANT TO INK WITH UNDO, I WANT ANIMATION!
“but the fundss batman, what about the funds?!”

my conductor has a spare tablet that they’ve kept in the back for years now, so maybe its status might change….

gosh dang, coming back after almost 2 weeks and seeing all this beautiful art is the most nice and caressing slap on my retinas I have ever experienced

man I wish I could find a character to hyper fixate on so I could have the motivation to draw