Tons of things have happened, I dont want to say tons has changed but things have. The important part is some one inspired me to draw something so I did.

With each passing year I realize that I don’t know what Im doing when it comes to other people.

I can make people laugh, I work hard, try to help others when I can but nothing keeps people around, they never become closer then social friends.

But I love my friends, I just wish I had it as easy as they seem to have it. While I love this fandoms openness, that openness of others lets you see how unwanted you can be when you hear about how many people they’ve dated or how many of your friends have had sex with each other, the great parties, the random trips.

But when you are not apart of that, when you’re rejected from relationships deeper then social politeness it starts to eat away at you.

It makes you unsure of your self , makes you ask whats wrong with me why am I alone all the time but you can’t ask others.

No one thinks theres a problem, I’ve been yelled at for trying to point out when I was mistreated, when I was lead on or when I was rejected after being told ‘next time’ or ‘we need to hang out more’ over and over.

I’ve tried to fix thing, tried to be even nicer and happier, tried to meet new people, tried to fix what was broken but Im still alone, still broken, still rejected.

Nothing gets better, no one cares, Im ‘too emotional’, ‘don’t handle rejection well’. I’ll still be forgotten about and still get told ‘ we never see you’ when I run into locals at a con in another state.

I don’t think they even realize they are doing anything wrong, they just don’t see me any more, they don’t need to fix a relationship they don’t even know, or care, is broken, because it means so much to me but so little to them.

So most days I sit alone and work, trying to ignore the depression thats been built by years of rejection and trying to fix something wrong when I don’t even know what is wrong. Like boat with a leak you can’t find, slowly sinking.

Depression is like being kept underwater, as long as you can come up for air you can be pushed back under over and over again and still come back. But if you’re kept under too long you dont come back, you just sink into the ocean lost in the darkness.

But I can’t blame my friends because I love them even when they’ve forgotten all about me..

Commission list.

1. Sisco
2. Randal
3. TGLucario475l

any requests?

Btw I have one

http://jacentrabbit.tumblr.com/

So its going on from now until the 2nd of January, if theres something on there I like I'll post on here to what I would like and what I'll draw for it! Some of the stuff will be done that day, others wont be done until I get back, depending on the size of the art ect.

---

For today!

Assassins Creed Black Flag (10 bucks)


What I'll draw:

You are at my mercy! Send your character art and I'll draw somthing and color it in b&w and send you a scan, the only choice is if you want it adult or not.
Your choice!

piccy like http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15227014/ black and white on brown paper, I'll scan it all high res for you.

---

Keep in mind theres some stuff I just wont draw, cubs, scat, gore, vore , poopy cubs stabbing and eating people ect. Please send me a note with what you want and character ref first if Im cool with it I'll send you my steam name and update this post that its sold.

ttfn

So its going on from now until the 2nd of January, if theres something on there I like I'll post on here to what I would like and what I'll draw for it! Some of the stuff will be done that day, others wont be done until I get back, depending on the size of the art ect.

For today!

Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeros & Metal Gear Rising ( $20 ish bucks for the both of them)

What I'll draw:

Your choice!

1. Either a traditional solo (single character) piccy like http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15227014/ black and white on brown paper, I'll scan it all high res for you.

or

2. a digital scarf badge for you to print , like one of these http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15073556/ but digitally done.

Keep in mind theres some stuff I just wont draw, cubs, scat, gore, vore , poopy cubs stabbing and eating people ect. Please send me a note with what you want and character ref first if Im cool with it I'll send you my steam name and update this post that its sold.

ttfn

So heres the skinny:

Badges : $20 , either digital or traditional (watercolor)

Digital color single character: $40
add another character: $20

Traditional (watercolor on bristol 11x14)

single character: $60
add another character: $20

*all traditional add $5 for shipping in the US
*I hold the right to say no to things, I dont draw cub, scat, rule 34, vore.

Simple: wolfenstein the new order is 50% off on steam ( user Jacent) Be the first to get it for me an in return I will do a digital two person commission.

Usual rules apply I have the right to say no to certain subject matters ect ect and no copywritteb characters ( it rule 34 ).

Hey guys I if anyone out there that reads this and went to FWA 2012 Im looking for two things that seem to have been stolen from me at some point and I'd like to get replacements for to complete my archive of the work I've done for FWA.

Im only missing the following:

The Moulin Rouge poker cards, this is the deck with the fox in red lingerie on the back.

The Moulin Rouge Commemorative Chip, this is the brown poker chip with the windmill on the back


If anyone happens to have either of these in good condition and is willing to part with them please let me know and we cat discuss compensation.

Small update

As I mentioned in my last journal I've started working on a game, starting with code. I'm happy to report that I've got the code figure out. Not that is a completed game but its more that I have a test world built with one level that has everything Im going to need in my game. This was actually easier then I thought it would be. So with learning the code out of the way its onto designing the game.

This is where I've already hit a road block... well kind of two road blocks.

The easy road block is that I have no clue how to animate walking, Im not too worried I have some great friends like  donryu that are helping me with that one. That issue is just going to take some time to get used to.

My bigger problem is planning the look and feel for this game. I have no experience in this, I've never been an art director and I personally dont feel like my art has a real 'style' to it that I could make a good game out of. I cant even decide if I want to do pixel or hand drawn sprite style yet, really this is the most daunting part of the development.

If anyone is interested Im gonna open for 2 v-day commissions, two persons digitally colored $60 bucks delivered by the 13th. Adult or non-adult. My usual TOS applies, theres stuff I wont draw blah blah blah

Obviously I wont post in public that Im doing a commission for you. If you are interested send me a note.

For the past three or four nights I've been messing around with coding for making a 2d platformer. Its gone really really well, to the point that this week Im going to give drawing a walk cycle a try. If this works then Im going to make this my new project.

Making games is one of my favorite things to do, programming the logic is fun and seeing the final product in action makes me incredibly happy. Tonight I got controller support for xbox and playstation controllers (hooked into a pc, not the console itself) , double jumps, crouching, and the start of an enemy ai done ( I already had the basic collisions done, as well as ladders , ramps, and floor spikes) . If this weekend goes well I'll have a walk cycle and the start of an actual platformer working. go me~

If it works out I'll share what I've been working on and once my taxes come in I'll pay for complier license and make a exe for you all to play with.

Im so excited and I hope it all works out.

ttfn

Todays deal will be a single character digitally colored image (such as http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8550711/ ) for Metro: Last Light Franchise Pack!

If you want this commission send me a note and I'll send you my steam name, theres only one shot, first come first served, you get me the game and I draw for you.




*standard will not draws apply see http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7179606/ for details.

Commission grabbed come back tomorrow!

Todays deal is a icon set ( such as http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3150362/ ) for you and a loved one or two separate icons in general.

The game: Amnesia - "A machine for Pigs"

If you want to scoop this deal up send me a note here and I will send you my steam name. First come first serve on this one.

Now closed come back tomorrow for another offer!


So the steam sales are going on and I am flat brizzoke after MFF so lets do some black friday deals.

For friday I am offering up a single character digitally colored image for Doshonored - Gamoe of the Year Edition on steam. Drop me a note if youre interested in the deal, first come first serve obviously but I'll keep doing these while the steam sale is up.

Some times I feel like my Fa journal is the only thing I can really put out there like a journal, not just for hey look I drew some art, gone are the days of lj , face book is for family, tumblr is for art and twitter is too short to have anything meaningful recorded in it thats longer then a sneeze. So here I write.

To be honest Im not entirely sure what my issue is but I think it comes from never adjusting from being out of college, in school I had a list of things to do and some serious consequences if I didnt get them done. Now i have nothing, in my job there are no consequences other then a meaningless reputation; because really opinions at work are already formed no matter how good of a job I do so no point in worrying about that and at the rate they hired 'senior developers' Im never going to get promoted. With all of that, now a days I just feel horribly lost. To compound that problem I havent felt emotionally invested in anything I've done recently, everything is to try and make money to get out of debt or to try and fill that empty creative void such as my work with FWA.

Making matters more complicated Im not even sure how to fix the problem, Im too far in debt and with shot credit to take a risk opening a business, miniature painting and commissions bring enough money to buy things I need but not push me forward by any measurable means, and once again I just dont feel like I have a love for anything. This past year was harsh, there was tons of rejection on all fronts , I was forced to move, and I feel like a dog in a lama orgy when it comes to my 'personal' life (thats an internet reference, look it up). So I think all of that is adding up to create a huge doldrum.

If you havent figured it out by now this journal isnt really going anywhere.

I think the most I can do now is try to pour my time into leaning coding languages and trying to learn 3d. I would love to do game programming, as perverted as it is I would love to make adult games. I've always enjoyed the adult industry, not because of boobs and dicks (hehe) but because people are happy, its a taboo we shouldnt talk about but everyone wants it, its a primal need that everyone needs and everyone has flavor that they like about it. Maybe its just because I need to get that out of my head some how and producing adult entertainment is the best way. Im just not entirely sure where to start with it all, game programming is its own 4 year degree and I cant go back to school, Im too far in debt to.

But thats really it, Im not sure what else to say other then Im not dead but I dont really feel alive either, I hope youre doing well tho.

ttfn

So a known fact to some but not to all is that outside of furry and work I dump all my extra time in to miniature war gaming, its my passion. I've been painting and playing for about as long as I've been a furry (17-18 years now) but unlike furry I enter into a lot of competitions through the year mostly for painting. This year I've got a goal for myself and part of that goal is thanks to the fact that Games Day, run by Games Workshop, is in Memphis this year. Its only 6 hours away so I plan on entering the Armies on Parade again (I won it locally last year but couldnt make it to national) and hopefully the Gold Daemon painting competition in hopes to at least getting into White Dwarf, the companies multi country distributed magazine.

I've got the army well underway, with only 6 chariot size models left to paint, and the display board to build from the ground up (a 2ft x 2ft square for the army to sit on). The display board is where I come into a bit of a problem, Im lacking funds to complete it. I have something grand planned for it, something that has never been done before in the Armies on Parade competition but I need about $230 dollars for the main part of the board. To some this is nothing, but to me and my tight budget (thanks student loans) its a lot. That being said, I cant tell you what it is I need to buy, but I will show it off once the competition has passed. (I just dont want to ruin the surprise). I can tho show you the army so far.

http://theshadyrabbit.tumblr.com/

I've stated updating this regularly to show off the progress on the army, and thanks to Keto I was able to do the first big surprise and get all the custom bases ordered.

So about that Money thing.

Im not sure what to do, I was thinking about opening up for 10 badges at $20 each, I'll do them digital and pass off files as well as ship a physical badge if you want one. I've had mixed success with this but really I wanted to reach out and see what people thought about the idea, and I, for some reason, thought I should share with you why Im trying to raise the cash. Oh and I dont want donations XD I work for my money.

So I figured I should give this thing an update, I dont know how long it will be till the next one but its better then nothing and I might as well just come out and say it. Im taking a step back, not from being a furry or fa or anything particular, Im taking a step back from everything. I can honestly say there isnt a single facet of my life Im currently happy about so I need to step away from everything and try to get my head on in the right way.

I have friends that I know love me, and I thank you for your support, Im sure I'll be back, I've just lost my way and need to find road again.

I apologize for an unknown amount of time till my next upload.

TTFN

Im going to do the tiny meme version:

- I'll be in wednesday night.

- Im leaving Monday around 1:00pm.

- Im staying with Killer Krush Effy otter face and Kobalt.

- Im just wandering around, no suit no table just me.

- Feel free to chat me up.

I find myself recently in an interesting state. For the most part I spend my nights working on something, some project, be it art or a game or even just painting miniatures, recently I've been feeling like theres nothing significant to work on. I've got zero commissions at this moment and only one trade (thats turning into a tricky one to draw) and Im in an escalation league with a new army (warhammer Tzneetch army) but I cant seem to find the motivation to work on it.

A few days ago I got an email from work telling me that it was my third year with working with the company and I think it caused something in my brain to snap. I love my job (Im a web developer) and where I work affords me some awesome benefits and great pay but getting that email reminded me that unless I get laid off this will probably be the job I retire from, sans zombies or end of the world. Now theres nothing wrong with that but it just feel like I need to do something more with myself all of a sudden. But what?

I have dozens of ideas of things I would like to do, all of them making some final product for people (and none of them are too outlandish such as an anime or xbox game), I want to make something others will enjoy, but something physical. I enjoy digital work but making a physical product people get joy out of makes me smile. I envy the guys at bad dragon, interesting thing to envy I know, but people love their products and have a great time with them, something like that is worth the time and effort and pain to produce. The problem I run into is lack of skills to produce my ideas or lack of talent.

So for now Im just kind of lost. Im toying around with the idea or learning 3d modeling, not for animation but to make resin kits, maybe design my own miniatures or something, but in all honesty I wish I just knew a really fast and super talented modeler whom I could afford.

Just my rambling, back to drawing pegging.

Oh such a plight to envy the men who can cure hysteria with their designs

Im opening up for a specific themed commission, Boys and toys! (well and girls) because well even buns need money for toys ^^; . These commissions will start at $60 for a single character, digital. For more information and to request a quote just go to:

http://shadyrabbit.com/coms/toys.php

Just fill out the handy dandy form and I'll get back to you.

Hey Cali furs I'm in sjc till Thursday. Hit me up on twitter jacentrabbit I got nothing going on after 6 ish

I has none and I feel like taking a few more. Shoot me a note.

the new paints are AWESOME!

that is all.