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Posted 12 years agoSelf-Loathing and Bubblegum
Posted 12 years agoAnd I'm all outta bubble-gum.
I haven't written shit that I've liked or enjoyed or been able to even stand to finish in over 4 months. It's actually closing in on 6, and... nothing. I feel so uninspired and worthless, and I really hate it. The depression is quite literally killing me... and that's the good news.
I suppose I did it because I really do despise myself, or maybe I forgot why I stopped drawing in the first place, but I bought 2 new sketchpads. And then I decided to start sketching and SURPRISE! I'm still as shitty now as when I quit drawing about 2 years ago. =.= So yeah, I feel awesome.
So, despite the fact no one really reads these fuckin' things unless you're uber-legend status I'm gonna waste the time to ask for help. I need inspiration. Maybe some art tutorials. Maybe some cool stuff to read to get my writing started again. I dunno. Something.
....
Please.
....
I haven't written shit that I've liked or enjoyed or been able to even stand to finish in over 4 months. It's actually closing in on 6, and... nothing. I feel so uninspired and worthless, and I really hate it. The depression is quite literally killing me... and that's the good news.
I suppose I did it because I really do despise myself, or maybe I forgot why I stopped drawing in the first place, but I bought 2 new sketchpads. And then I decided to start sketching and SURPRISE! I'm still as shitty now as when I quit drawing about 2 years ago. =.= So yeah, I feel awesome.
So, despite the fact no one really reads these fuckin' things unless you're uber-legend status I'm gonna waste the time to ask for help. I need inspiration. Maybe some art tutorials. Maybe some cool stuff to read to get my writing started again. I dunno. Something.
....
Please.
....
Single or not Meme
Posted 12 years agoStolen from 
Iko
Not sure why, but hell.
SINGLE OR NOT put this as your journal & see what you get
♥ = I want a relationship with you
C: = I'm falling for you
:3 = I miss you
;] = i really like you
:* = I want to kiss you
:< = I hate you
: X = I like you
O: = I like you but im in a relationship
:/ = I like you but your in a relationship
:] = You're cute
</3 = I regret leaving you
:b = We should get to know each other
;^) = We should hang out
<3 = I love you.. \o/
<:^ = i want to know you
@FT@=*stalk*
eue= You're hot
<:3 = You're a great friend
^_^ = We're friends
^.^ = We're best friends
>;3 = I want you on top
>:3 = I want on top
IkoNot sure why, but hell.
SINGLE OR NOT put this as your journal & see what you get
♥ = I want a relationship with you
C: = I'm falling for you
:3 = I miss you
;] = i really like you
:* = I want to kiss you
:< = I hate you
: X = I like you
O: = I like you but im in a relationship
:/ = I like you but your in a relationship
:] = You're cute
</3 = I regret leaving you
:b = We should get to know each other
;^) = We should hang out
<3 = I love you.. \o/
<:^ = i want to know you
@FT@=*stalk*
eue= You're hot
<:3 = You're a great friend
^_^ = We're friends
^.^ = We're best friends
>;3 = I want you on top
>:3 = I want on top
ICE CREAM AND CAKE AND CAKE
Posted 12 years agoYou want it.
Free raffle, win a date with some super sexy ladies~
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4649774/
Check that out!
Free raffle, win a date with some super sexy ladies~
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4649774/
Check that out!
Free art?
Posted 12 years agoI should feel better
Posted 13 years agoSo, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life a while ago. I looked through my shit, got everything together, and removed myself from the life of my ex girlfriend. She was the last girl I ever really 'dated'. And honestly, even though I've said "I love you" before and since we met, I dunno if it ever meant anything other than when I said it to her. She was my life. My world. I gave her everything I had. I loved her when she didn't love herself.
Then she cheated on me a second time. And it was over.
I still talked to her. I still would text her, call her, message her on facebook. She said she wanted to be my friend.
But I can never be okay with that. I can never go back to being just friends after all we went through together and everything she put me through. Her new profile pic with her new boyfriend showed up every time I logged onto facebook, and I couldn't keep seeing it.
So I deleted her number from my phone. I removed her from my facebook. I untagged every picture we were ever in together. It's as if she never existed. And at first I felt happy and free and shit.
Now I just feel cold. Alone. Hollow inside. A part of my childish hope died when I had to give up and accept that four years of my life were wasted on someone who will never love me the way I loved her. Deleting all of that made it real. It's really over.
So, I'm gonna do two things today; go to the park, and drink.Not like there's anything else to do...
Then she cheated on me a second time. And it was over.
I still talked to her. I still would text her, call her, message her on facebook. She said she wanted to be my friend.
But I can never be okay with that. I can never go back to being just friends after all we went through together and everything she put me through. Her new profile pic with her new boyfriend showed up every time I logged onto facebook, and I couldn't keep seeing it.
So I deleted her number from my phone. I removed her from my facebook. I untagged every picture we were ever in together. It's as if she never existed. And at first I felt happy and free and shit.
Now I just feel cold. Alone. Hollow inside. A part of my childish hope died when I had to give up and accept that four years of my life were wasted on someone who will never love me the way I loved her. Deleting all of that made it real. It's really over.
So, I'm gonna do two things today; go to the park, and drink.Not like there's anything else to do...
Rant.
Posted 13 years agoEver drink alone in a crowded room? Ever spend a whole night talking to ghosts and zombies and apparitions? Ever feel completely destitute and more alone than ever after a great fucking party?
If you haven’t, or if you don’t care what it’s like, quit. Close this and go about your business.
If you have, or you just wanna know more, keep reading. Because this is my life and my story.
I’ve been the life of the party. I’ve been fantastic, awesome, cute, funny, and a good listener. I’ve been there for people who weren’t there for themselves. I’ve waited up nights and held hair. I’ve given until I had nothing left. I’ve taken on other people’s problems until I’m filled to the brim.
What happens when you’re one of those people?
I’ll tell you:
You become worthless and in pain. You become empty.
You become something you don’t recognize in the mirror. And guess what else you become?
You become selfish when you ask for something.
You become ungrateful when you complain.
You become an asshole and a bastard when you declare you’ve had enough.
And that, my friends, is the fuck of it all. You can never win as a good guy. As Tucker Max would say, Assholes Finish First. A good guy gives until he is worn and torn and then accepts until he is bursting at the seams. And then you either explode or you die. Those are the options.
Fuck being a good guy.
A good guy watches helpless as the woman he loves decides to fuck someone who’s hurt her, when all he’s done is do right by her. Then he listens to her weep about how the bastard did her wrong, yet again.
A good guy wastes his time and energy on people whose names will never matter.
A good guy bleeds and cries alone.
A good guy… wishes he was an amoral jackass.
If you haven’t, or if you don’t care what it’s like, quit. Close this and go about your business.
If you have, or you just wanna know more, keep reading. Because this is my life and my story.
I’ve been the life of the party. I’ve been fantastic, awesome, cute, funny, and a good listener. I’ve been there for people who weren’t there for themselves. I’ve waited up nights and held hair. I’ve given until I had nothing left. I’ve taken on other people’s problems until I’m filled to the brim.
What happens when you’re one of those people?
I’ll tell you:
You become worthless and in pain. You become empty.
You become something you don’t recognize in the mirror. And guess what else you become?
You become selfish when you ask for something.
You become ungrateful when you complain.
You become an asshole and a bastard when you declare you’ve had enough.
And that, my friends, is the fuck of it all. You can never win as a good guy. As Tucker Max would say, Assholes Finish First. A good guy gives until he is worn and torn and then accepts until he is bursting at the seams. And then you either explode or you die. Those are the options.
Fuck being a good guy.
A good guy watches helpless as the woman he loves decides to fuck someone who’s hurt her, when all he’s done is do right by her. Then he listens to her weep about how the bastard did her wrong, yet again.
A good guy wastes his time and energy on people whose names will never matter.
A good guy bleeds and cries alone.
A good guy… wishes he was an amoral jackass.
Nooooot that anyone reads this....
Posted 13 years agoNo one reads these things. No one gives a damn about just about anything I ever do on FA. But today I'm in such a good fucking mood I don't give half a flying shit how little other people care. I've have a surprisingly good week (considering my stomach has been upset since last week and I've been unable to sleep worth a fuck). And today I got a confirmation for a job interview next week. If all goes well I'll have two jobs, both of them involving me doing what I love. I'm enjoying my writing again so fuck the lack of comments. ^^ I'm in one of my moods where not much of anything can slow me down, so expect some new art/writing for you guys to not read and not comment on!
And if you actually read/comment on this, I guess I owe you a thank you. How about a free story? :V Hell, I'll guarantee it's over 10 pages and it can be about whatever the hell you want! First 5 comments at least.
Burr.
And if you actually read/comment on this, I guess I owe you a thank you. How about a free story? :V Hell, I'll guarantee it's over 10 pages and it can be about whatever the hell you want! First 5 comments at least.
Burr.
FREE BEER AND HOT WINGS!!?!?
Posted 13 years agoNope. But perhaps the next best thing: FREE ART from 
MyLoveless :3 She's having an art raffle, and I'm entering it. Sign yourself up!
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3546665/
MyLoveless :3 She's having an art raffle, and I'm entering it. Sign yourself up!http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3546665/
Pimpin' out my frands
Posted 13 years agoSo 
Win is probably one of my favorite artists ever. She's cutesey and sexy at once, which is rare. :3 And she does it well. So get to it and commission her!!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8018694/
Win is probably one of my favorite artists ever. She's cutesey and sexy at once, which is rare. :3 And she does it well. So get to it and commission her!!http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8018694/
Freeeeeee Aaaaarrrrrrtttt
Posted 13 years agoFreeeeeee Aaaaarrrrrrtttt Raaaaaaaafffffllllleeeeeeeee!
Posted 13 years agoI got me a PS3
Posted 14 years agoMerry muthaphuckkin christmass to meeeeeeeeeee
Just thought yall should know.
Just thought yall should know.
Where the hell you been, foo?!?
Posted 14 years agoWell, for those who have been asking that question, there is a simple answer; my laptop is in le shop. D= And, as much as I adore my watchers, getting online from my phone is a pain in the arse. So, I will not be on much for a while. Hopefully next week I will return. In the meantime, I am happy to have my pencils, as well as Microsoft word on my phone. Expect the unexpectable!!!
This kinda sucks a lot
Posted 14 years ago2 deaths in the family within a week of each other. Shit is heavy. Really heavy. Hard to cope with. Expect me to be a bit unreachable/moody for a while. Some shit I say I may not mean. The shit I do mean, you'll know after a few weeks. But for now, just contact me. And I promise I'll try not to bite your skull in half.
Happy birthday to me~
Posted 14 years agoYep, jackal is now the big 2-3. Whoo Ha! Or something. No plans, no nothing, but still... I'll come up with something.
Life Update!
Posted 14 years agoSo yeah, for those who know/give a fuck about my actual life situations and junk:
Been to the doctors two weeks ago. I'm not cured, but I'm getting better. Got another appointment this month. We'll see how that goes.
I can't smoke often anymore. I can't drink caffeine. And my mother is trying to remove alcohol from my life as well. I am rapidly running out of vices and it sucks a fat D, especially since I basically can't leave my house.
BUT NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS!
I've got a new job, and it kicks a lot of ass. I work at a costume shop, so I spend a lot of my days in a pretty dope scary costume, and I get to boogie on down all over the place. :3 Is much fun.
Also, new job at a costume shop + working in October = HOLIDAY PAY. Fuuuuuuuck yeeeeeeeeaaaah
And I just found out I can get a backwards compatible PS3 for about 200 bucks. My dad will meet me half-way on it. so 100 bucks and SHE IS MEIN.
All in all, it hasn't been too bad to be the Jackal these days. :3 Just keeping the folks who know posted.
Been to the doctors two weeks ago. I'm not cured, but I'm getting better. Got another appointment this month. We'll see how that goes.
I can't smoke often anymore. I can't drink caffeine. And my mother is trying to remove alcohol from my life as well. I am rapidly running out of vices and it sucks a fat D, especially since I basically can't leave my house.
BUT NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS!
I've got a new job, and it kicks a lot of ass. I work at a costume shop, so I spend a lot of my days in a pretty dope scary costume, and I get to boogie on down all over the place. :3 Is much fun.
Also, new job at a costume shop + working in October = HOLIDAY PAY. Fuuuuuuuck yeeeeeeeeaaaah
And I just found out I can get a backwards compatible PS3 for about 200 bucks. My dad will meet me half-way on it. so 100 bucks and SHE IS MEIN.
All in all, it hasn't been too bad to be the Jackal these days. :3 Just keeping the folks who know posted.
To my .tk friends
Posted 14 years agoYeah, all two of you. I was banned from .tk - still dunno why, don't really care. Feels a bit unfair, but eh. I've met all the cool people I think I'm gonna meet there anyways, so it's no big whoop to me as long as I can still talk to all the friends I made there. Would I like to come back? Sure. Would I like to know why I was banned? Again, be nice. But things are as they are. If you want, ask for my Yahoo/AIM/MSN, and I'll give you whichever of the 3 you prefer.
-Teh Jackal
-Teh Jackal
