The last few uploads were to prove to myself that I am in fact working on stories. I clearly haven't completed what I told people I would, so I want to post a few things to tide you guys over. "Baa Baa Bald Sheep" is halfway done, and I'm going to work my curly spaded tail off to complete it as soon as I can. I complete the layer 1 outline, so I have my work cut out.

In the meantime, I'd like to see you guys' interpretations of the Arizona Fairy Tail silhouettes. What do you think the characters will look like?

Revised to be more professional and catch-all for my various (non-furry) platforms. Read it here.

Commissions are back open again. Here are my prices:

Sketches: $7.50
Line-Art: $15.00
Flat Color: $25.00
Shaded Color: $36.00
Simple Background: $50.00

Remember, I'll draw anything in line with my terms of service. I will lower prices during drawing season down to 6-40 dollars next spring. For now, I just need to get motivated.

Thus far, I've only been doing Costuming and Inflation pics. I want to expand my repertoire. I'm considering opening up "scene specialty" ones, specifically, the opening freefall from the Digimon Adventure theme song, Danganronpa execution, and Krampan (2014) naughty list. I'd have to draw some of these and see how long they take.

Anyway, in the works:

-Prose poems for my local furs
-"Baa Baa Bald Sheep" (short story)
-NoSleep short stories
-Non-Cannonical Arizona Fairy Tail installments

I will definitely start writing prose poems in the style of the opening descriptions in the book 45 Master Characters by Victoria Schmidt. What I'm going to do is go ahead and write some practice poems, run them by the character owners, and draw an accompanying thumbnail.

If they become popular enough, then I will open up full commissions. I just have to get some things posted, things that are fairly easy to write and that don't take so long. But just for the record...

1-Paragraph Prose Poem: $5

Okay, so, I'll be somewhat less active on social media now, and I'll be concentrating more on writing. A few things I definitely want to accomplish over the next few months are as follows:

*Finish at least one of MysteryEzekude's prompts
*Write five non-canonical episodes of An Arizona Fairy Tail
*Submit a weekly vignette to each of my websites

As this is the season of writing, I'll also be posting my analyses of specific short stories. I will reopen art commissions in September. My instagram and pinterest boards need a little work too, so I will occasionally post there too.

Phew, under a little more control now, emotionally.

I'm about to close networking season, not out of stress, but I'm only two points away from completing my itenerary. Over the past couple of months, I joined several telegram chat groups and discord servers, met many people (including a few overseas, which is huge), and learned a lot more about myself. I wanted to build up my face-to-face relationships alongside my internet relationships. In doing so, I really got in touch with my need for support, my need to discharge pent-up emotions, and my fears of becoming somebody that I really don't like.

Now, I know there may be some people I've butt heads with reading this, but I'm glad that we had these disputes; I even with conflicts we're still resolving, I do think I've learned what people are and are not willing to put up with in general. And the support I've met with has been wonderful. Truly, interacting with all of you has renewed my faith in human kindness.

Now, I'll be working on short stories for the rest of the year with a little art and music (and definitely some out-hanging). I'm going to start by analyzing short stories and posting my analyses mainly on tumblr. Throughout, I'll be reconstructing my means of writing a story and posting the process online as well, not to mention, getting back on track with the essay I mentioned.

I'll also be reopening art comissions. I'll need to update the panels to include Sketch prices, but the prices themselves will remain the same ($7 - $30) until art season actually begins again.

At any rate, hope everyone's summer has been as eventful as, if not moreso than (or, if you prefer, less so than) mine has been.

I never imagined I would actually want to hug somebody, but I do. I really want to hug a fursuiter. There are few local furs, fewer fursuiters and even fewer friendly ones. This heartache is unbearable. Virtual hugs aren't doing it anymore, and I'm being crippled by all the emptiness of the affection between me and my parents.

😭💔

I'm going to reboot our human masks. I'm going to write it according to the outlining technique soon to be presented in my upcoming story (which probably won't get done until the fall, when I start writing season). Now, bad news first. I won't be able to write in anyone's character. It's nothiing personal; I'm just so afraid of misrepresenting you that I can't write what I consider to be a good story if I'm having to juggle other people's literary values.

I will say this, though; I can write each of you a 5-10 page story starring the character you submitted. I will require you all to get a copy of Victoria Lynn Schmidt's 45 Master Characters--or at least read about it on tvtropes--and read the 16 archetypes, then tell me which one applies to your character.

It is on you to provide me with the details I need to know about your character. I'm doing this for free, so I won't revise the story or ask for feedback during the writing process. I will take what you've given me and run with it, according to whatever it is you provide me with (in terms of supporting characters, setting, exposition, etc). Try to keep what you write limited to one page (8 or 10-pt Times New Roman, Double Spaced); if I see too many details, I'll just focus on the most pertinent ones. Once I'm done with it, it is all yours to edit, repost, bash, whatever you want with it. I will still post the story on my own gallery, so if you don't like it, feel free to revise it yourself.

I'll do my best not to vilify your characters, although I will write in flaws for the sake of a good story. I will make an exception to my no sexual explicit content, though I won't write anything involving children in sexual situations.

A couple of weeks ago, I created an account at The Furry Forums. For those of you who read my profile info, I'm in networking season, and registering here has allowed me to further my social investment.

Now, I will say that I had a minor run-in with a guy; but the great thing about the Furry Forum is that there's an accompanying discord chat room with an emotional support section. I contacted a guy for a private conversation, and he was very helpful and supportive.

I'm on as jechoes90.

Now that I have finished up my commissions, I will spend the summer networking and doing a little drawing and writing on the side. I will also be doing research for my inflation essay.

Here's my current idea of how this'll go down: I'm going to go on discord and telegram to join conversations every other night or so. If you'd like to chat with me, leave me a message telling me your time zone so I can figure out when to log on (I'm in Central Daylight Time. It is 8:00 as I post this). Just as a common courtesy, I consider the person asking for a chat to be the one responsible for initiating the conversation. If you would like to talk with me, I'm all for it. But it's on you to bring conversation topics. And remember, I hate, hate, hate suck-up questions like, "How's it going?" "Everything all right?" I don't want to be rude to anyone, but if you want to hold my interest, you're going to have to be specific about what you want to talk about.

I'm holding myself to the same standard. I'm going to ask the people I'm looking for very specific questions, like, "Who are your artistic influences?" "What are your favorite YouTube channels?" "What's it like to live in Kentucky?" and "Seen anyone picketing Solo in your nick of the woods?"

I have more specific questions in mind, because I have specific people in mind I'd like to talk to.

Oh, and as a side note, I recently joined the furry forums. jechoes90 is my username.

Can't wait to get to know you guys a little more.
~Jay

So my dad recently asked my to change my profile picture because it included my niece, even though it only showed her from the back (she was hugging me and I was the on facing the camera). I complied, acknowledging the possibility of someone getting off to even an obscured image of a child.

However, I'd like to restrict my dad from seeing any pictures I put up in the future. Facebook settings allow me to restrict the visibility of "posts," but that's annoyingly vague. Does anyone know if that covers photos?

For those of you who actually bother to read these journals (I won't lie; I usually don't read anyone else's journal entries myself), I'm making excellent progress on that picture I'm drawing for my brother. It's not furry-specific, so I won't be posting it here; I'll be posting it to my deviantart gallery, my tumblr blog, my twitter account, and if they function the way I think they do, my pinterest and instagram boards. I think I can finish it by the start of June (my brother's birthday is May 31st). After I'm done, I'll be working primarily on growing my social network.

Wooh boy. My social network.

I need to disclose something that may already be apparent. Bear with me if I've said this before, because I want to get more precise on an apprehension I have when it comes to meeting new people. I often daydream about getting validation from people I admire. There seems to be an empty space in my life that needs a savior to fill it. Before I went on zoloft, this space usually held only one person at a time. Now it's more than a dozen, most of whom are now YouTubers.

In my aim to expand my social circle, the driving force behind it may very well be this empty space. I have to be honest; I hate casual hanging out. I am extremely uncomfortable with it unless members of my own family are present. I also hate casual conversation. I find it boring, akward and pointless. I dread that the discord and telegram conversations I try to initiate won't get off the ground, that I'll have to do all the talking, that I won't hold anyone's interest, and that the topics will be lame and unfruitful.

Meeting people in person is much worse. I don't mean to sound ungrateful the way I present this occurance, but I think it's important to make my perspective clear. On facebook, I joined the furry group for Mississippi. I asked about a furmeet that happened in a town near my own last month, and somebody redirected me to a group that is actually located in my own town. I thanked her, subscribed to the group in question, and haven't done anything since. This was about a week ago.

The truth is, I yearn to meet a furry in person. Wholly on the basis of our common membership in the fandom. Paradoxically, I dread meeting another furry. I don't have the foggiest idea of what I should say once I do. I already said I hate casual conversation. Believe me, I have tried it, and every time, I leave feeling emotionally drained. I've been watching videos of furcons, the ones that are basically a montage of clips with overlaid techno music. Watching everyone enjoy themselves, feel so comfortable around one another just makes be really, really sad.

I don't mean to deny anyone their happiness, it's just that anytime I'm around people I consider peers, I'm on the outside looking in. That's how it was during my five years of college, that's how it was in highschool, that's how it was at the three jobs I held. And don't say it wasn't because I didn't try. I honestly did. I have no idea if it was because there's something about me in person that scares people (and I am a somewhat awkward individual; I don't exercise diplomacy and I often bring up uncomfortable topics).

The fulcrum on which my mode of interaction hangs is whether or not I'm going to get validation and reassurance out of another person. Usually, the demographic is going to be someone much older than I am, or at least measurably more experienced. I don't say this to shun anyone outside that demographic, but I haven't had any casual friendships since I was 15 (and I am now 28). The only kind of interaction that's gone well is if I'm entertaining other people or if some formal exchange of ideas is going on. I've been raised to believe that trying to get my own needs met is somehow selfish, and that refusing things I didn't want to give is also selfish.

Here's a couple of incompatible things; I hate being touched. Anything beyond a handshake, and I get really squeemish. At the same time, I long for physical affection. The only people I have really felt affection for are my mom, my dad's mom, and my brother's two children. I think I would welcome embraces from anyone in a fursuit, but I'm also the kind of person who would hold on too long. I'd be very all-or-nothing about it. I would scare you away by being too clingyand possessive.

I'm at a point in my life where seeing other people take no for an answer is a huge deal for me. According to Erik Erikson's stages of personality development, I should have outgrown that when I turned three. Unfortunately, I had parents who categorized any sort of refusal or denial from their own children as disrespectful rebellion.

I don't want this to come off as some sort of self-pity orgasm. What I'm trying to do is lay my cards on the table, to share my insecurities when it comes to interacting with people. I need help getting through this. It's something that's I've put off working on for a long time, and getting through it looks like it will be rough from this point.

So, I've got two commissions that I've got to work on. I need to work on my commission panels, my essay, my story, my father's day present, my mother's day present, and whatever I'm doing for my mom's birthday. I will reopen once I get most of that out of the way.

So the way my scheduling is going to work is that I'm going to focus one one area of expertise at a time with a little of something else on the side. For the time being, I'm focusing on my art while excercising a little and reading a little Japanese. When I'm all done with the two art commissions, I will focus more on building my social network, where I'll be more available on discord and telegram. I will also be working on a story suggested by  mysteryezekude and revising my pancake bunny essay.

That's just to update everyone on what'll be going on the next couple of weeks.

Hey efurrybody, I'm now on telegram and discord as jechoes90 for mingling and such. I'll be logged in most evenings, so drop by and give me a bark or howl.

How's that for a bunch of dad jokes 😛

My terms are subject to change with research and experience, but here are the basic guidelines.

- Commission process

All prices will be listed under the "commission info" tab, but just for quick reference, they are as such:

Sketches: $6.00
Line-Art: $15.00
Flat Color: $25.00
Shaded Color: $36.00
Simple Background: $50.00

It takes me between 2-4 days (for individual sketches) and 8-12 days (for shaded color) to complete commissions, so if you commission me, I ask for your patience.

I will take artistic license wherever possible. It's your job to give me whatever specific references you want. Any ambiguity is fair game, but this is partly so that I can complete the projectas soon as possible. If you want, I'll send you updates on how far I've come.

- Taboos

Things I will not draw are:
-Bare genatalia (including female nipples, though I'm okay with drawing cleavage)
-Explicit/Obvious sexual activity
-Barely Dressed Cubs*
-Realistic bodily fluids/solids*
-Recognizable human celebrities or copyrighted characters*

This doesn't mean I won't shrink 'em, stretch 'em, puff 'em up, etc, although I'm going to have to look into the general view of what constitutes pornographic cub art.

I don't mind stylizing blood, pus, toot gas, puke or whatever, but I'm not drawing anything I find personally gross.

The thing about copyrighted characters is that, for one thing, I do not want any Nintendo or Disney cronies coming after me because I was paid to make porn of their character (hopefully I won't ever get that famous). More importantly, though, I believe that a huge chunk of the creative process is looking at the idea behind your character of choice, rather than the character itself, and implementing that into your work.

For instance, if your character is a Pikachu, before I can draw it, I need you to be okay with me deviating from the original design enough to make it distinguishable. In my gallery, you will find copyrighted characters, but I drew those for myself. I didn't accept money for them.

- Gift art / Trades

I will trade up to line-art, but only for three people a season if I like his/her style. It is completely up to me to whom I give gift art, which is rare to begin with. Don't come crying to me with some sob story about a bad day you had in order to freeload. Believe me, "pity porn" is not going to mean much.

If you want me to draw characters for a friend, I will assume the friend in question is okay with having his character drawn by a stranger, but if your friend comes after me with a lawsuit, I'm removing the drawing and I will not refund you. I'll need that money to pay off said suit. Make sure the two of you are on good terms and that your friend is okay with it before commissioning me.

- General Etiquette

If you want to talk on telegram, message me so we can set up a time to chat. Any note/email you send me with the subject, "hello," "hi" "what's up," etc will be ignored and deleted. That isn't friendly, it's inconsiderate of my time. Put something informative in the subject line if you expect me to read it. Give me a shout if you really want to be friendly. It's extremely disappointing to see a new note in my inbox only to find out that the sender has nothing substantial to say. "How are you?" "How's it going?" "What's up?" Are not substantial conversation starters. They are troll questions. I'm not blocking anyone over it, but geez, come on, buddy, ask something interesting.

I admit, I kinda suck at keeping in touch. I'm kind of a perfectionist when it comes to responding, but I'm lifting a few of my earlier restrictions on what you can and cannot say to me. Have a freakin' sense of humor.

The worst thing I'll likely do is delete your comment and otherwise ignore it, like if I see a dumb argument in the comment section, I'll probably delete that, regardless of whose side I am on or whether or not there are any sensible nuggets of wisdom within.

I encourage criticism and critiques of my work, though if you have something personal against something I say or draw, contact me privately. Don't go on a tirade in the comment section, I'll just delete it or take it as a joke.

I don't like formalism. Guidelines and policies are great to keep everything from going to hell, but I don't want them to get in the way of us enjoying ourselves in the wild and wacky world of furryism.

So I keep missing out on these major furry holidays. Macro March isn't over yet, but it still came without warning. My Bowser day contribution was too rushed, and I certainly don't want to miss out on fat Bunny week.

Is there any website where these furry holidays are listed? I'd like to get in on them and have plenty of preparation time as well.

I'm afraid of this sounding like an excuse to get out of work, but I feel like I should share what's been going on in my life. As mentioned in my previous entry, I was hired at a thrift store, and though I only work about 20 hours a week, it has taken a lot out of me, energy-wise. I hope that eventually I'll adjust; after all, it's mostly sticking price tags on clothes. But there's another component to it that I fear will cause me to burn out: small talk.

Let me be blunt: I hate small talk. I can't imagine anyone taking part in it other than to not look like a douchebag. And I used to work with three people who were not afraid to look like douchebags, so I'm in a bit of a quandary. In real life, one of my priorities is to prove to people that I am a caring, empathetic individual. I have to make small talk and answer questions like, "how are you?" and "have things been going okay?" if I don't want to look like an asshole. Or more specifically, I have to give the expected answers, otherwise, I'd be a total sourpuss. I know there's a place to open up, it's just not the place where I spend half of my waking hours. I'm afraid that even admitting this will push people away. I love to share my thoughts and feelings, but small talk, or what I call "suck-up conversation," demands that I conceal them.

Another reason is that I can only draw/write/whatever when I've got something off my chest. Far too often, hurtful memories take a hold of my mind, and part of the forgiveness process is admitting that I don't want to forgive someone, ironically. Right now, I'm in the process of forgiving my parents. I'm past the point of admitting I don't want to forgive. I've called in my therapist to mediate the rest of the process, but past anger, hatred and pain that I'd buried is resurfacing. That's part of the process, too.

I've never been through anything like this in my life. I say that it's part of the process because I read it in Townsend and Cloud's "Boundaries." Anyway, I have hopes for a beneficial outcome. On a brighter note, reading and writing has become much more fun. It's just that I have to get through this emotional slog before I can truly enjoy it.

I've got a commission for my older brother on the way. I'll be uploading it to my DeviantArt account when I'm done. That's another thing that's put my other work on hold. I want to upload quality work. It takes me a very long time to turn out anything of quality, and that fact alone can be a stresser. I cannot enjoy my work when I'm stressed.

Okay, so it's been a couple of months since my last upload. The fact is, my life has been something of a psychological mess and moral uncertainty since I left my awful douchebag library job. I know, you see this so often in furry journal entries that it's become a cliche. Still, I'd like to inform you that I still intend to be a part of the furry fandom by uploading art here, doing commissions, and occasionally commenting on others' work.

So, in the months I've been away, I've started working on "An Arizona Fairy Tale." I'd like to tell you that I plan to upload the stories, but here's the thing: I hate drafting. It's not that I don't intend to have drafts of my story, but the road to actually getting the words that end up in my completed stories, even if they are only first drafts, is long. I won't say it's hard; I love outlining. "Tricky" is a better word.

The same goes for art. I'm considering posting some of my more minimalist art, just to prove that I'm still here. I'm still trying to figure out what the literary equivalent would be. A bit of disclosure: Anything I create with the intention of uploading here tends to get choked. It may come from pressure I put on myself to get it done in a hurry combined with creating something that I hope will be visually interesting.

Good news, though. I got a part-time job as a warehouse worker. So overall, the kind of art you see won't have the kind of profit-seeking pressure behind it. I can create things for fun, and not to get commercial attention.

Commissions are still open for anybody who's interested.

So... feeling kind of guilty about getting rid of the "Our Human Mask" stories. I would like some literature in my gallery, but the great magical unicorn of inspiration doesn't come around very often. So to motivate myself, I am offering you guys an opportunity to be that inspiration.

So, story prompts: I'll accept three prompts from any subscriber, [i]so long[i] as you're offering a specific scenario. I won't accept anything that's too abstract or general.

Example of an acceptable prompt: A bunch of kids trapped in a car experiencing a thrilling case of "sudden acceleration."

Example of something I will reject: A thrilling romance involving lots of passion and sexual encounters.

If you want me to submit something with your OCs, that'd be fine. A word of warning, though. I will [i]not[i] be checking back with you to check to see if I'm portraying him or her correctly. I work best when I get to use creative license.

PLEASE SEND ME PROMPTS BY PERSONAL NOTE WITH THE PHRASE, "STORY PROMPT" IN THE SUBJECT LINE. I will delete shouts or comments with prompts. I want these to be a surprise. I will accept the first three prompts I see, since it takes me about two months to complete a story. I'll close this by the end of August or when I get three prompts, whichever comes first.

For samples of my writing, go to my deviantart gallery: je0000backup.deviantart.com/gallery and read some of the stuff you find there.

[i]On the matter of Commissions...[i]

They're still open. I need to reupload the panels, but the pricing is as follows:

Line Art: $10
Flat Color: $20
Shaded Color: $30
Props: 1/10 level of completion per prop.

I don't do backgrounds beyond a colored gradiant, so I'll add that in free if you want a colored picture.

Rather than abandoning the furry community completely, I'm gonna disclose a few things. This is my perspective on the fandom, based on what I've seen on blogs and a bit of my own personal experiences.

What I don't like
-posting a fetish picture on "reddit" and asking why non-furries find that bothersome
-furry lingo
-actively defending anything with anthropomorphic animals when somebody bitches/jokes about it (not saying that only furries do this, but it's a huge waste of emotional energy)
-the explicit association with sexuality

What I like
-the generally welcoming atmosphere
-the creative encouragement
-the opportunity to put my own artistic and literary skills to use

For these reasons, I have removed "Our Human Masks" from my gallery. I'm sorry, but the stress of trying to sensitively portray other people's furs was too much, and I'm somewhat embarrassed about the result. My apologies to :icon:mysteryezekude , who showed especial interest in the project.

I'll certainly be posting art and taking commissions. As for literature, announcing plans seems to rob me of motivation. At any rate, I'm back.

Thank you for your supportive notes and comments at my short-lived departure.

I will be disabling my account on July 1st. You all have a week to download whatever you want from my gallery.

The fact is, I don't see myself as a furry. I admire the art, but the fact that sexual fetishism is the driving force behind a lot of it is beginning to bother me. After posting inflation art, my view of the furry fandom and my role in it began to shift. I don't enjoy posting art here. It just feels hedonistic.

My apologies if I led anybody on. I know some of you were expecting me to continue "Our Human Masks," but the completed project was a fantasy instead of a goal. I'm trying to learn the difference.

I won't be responding to any notes or comments. Farewell.

Attention subscribers:

I have officially opened inflation commissions. See my commission info for details.

Thank you all for your support and reassurance. I am now feeling back up to work and hope to start posting pictures regularly.

Prices will go up on June 1st, when I shall add "Inflation" to my commission types (I'll still be posting costuming art, but I intend to expand my repertoire). Anyone who commissions me past that due date will be charged the higher prices ($8-32).

As usual, feedback and criticism is welcome, just please send it by personal note.

Let me get to the bottom line. I need a break from posting furry art and literature. This is not because any of you have offended me, but the fact is I have little social exposure outside of thanking my subscribers and commisioners. More importantly, I find sitting in front of a screen, trying to think up a story to be, by itself, very unfulfilling. That doesn't mean I'm giving up entirely on "Our Human Masks." What that means is that I will be spending the next few months trying to find a job.

I will post Chapter 5 of "Our Human Masks" by the end of May. I will be sporadically posting this and that while I hand in my resumes to some local businesses.

Also, due to being in developmental hell, An Arizona Fairy Tail is officially cancelled. Unless by some miracle I find renewed faith in the project, I won't be working on that project as a whole. What I might do instead is use those characters for vignettes, but no promises. I've been trying to get that project off the ground for a while, but every time I start to work on it, I go through a cycle of getting mad at myself for not being more creative, trying to force myself to be more creative, not being able to give up tropes that get in the way of the story, and wishing that I'd written this story while I was still inspired.

I'm truly afraid of angering some of you because of this. I'm not sure how high anyone's hopes have been, but I need to have a steadier source of income. This is my attempt to practice what I preach. "Our Human Masks" is a story about self-disclosure, about sharing things about oneself that might bother other people. Well, here is me removing my mask: I enjoy writing stories a little less than I'd like to admit. It's rare that I come out with a story that I am truly proud of. It does happen, but not often. Usually after I give up on an idea.

I have completed my draft of Chapter 4 and am now just waiting to hear feedback. Unfortunately, due to plot details, I couldn't include everyone in this story. For those of you who did not get a note with your scenes, I do plan to give you a much bigger role in the next chapter and the revision.

My plans to write chapter 5, revise this entire arc, and then work on my next project, "An Arizona Fairy Tale," still stand. However, I also plan to post vignettes as a way of demonstrating my drafting technique. As always, I'm open to suggestions, criticism, and critiques, though please send me them privately. I don't want fights breaking out in the comment section.

March 11-18, I will be out of town on vacation. During that time, I won't be able to respond to any e-mails or upload any art, but I will do what I can before and after that time.