still need to come up with an icon but it's there! it's uploaded! go look before i get embarrassed and change my mind!!

Having little exposure to animals makes it much easier to push aside questions about how our actions might influence their treatment. The problem posed by meat has become an abstract one: there is no individual animal, no singular look of joy or suffering, no wagging tail, and no scream. The philosopher Elaine Scarry has observed that "beauty always takes place on the particular." Cruelty, on the other hand, prefers abstraction.

Some have tried to resolve this gap by hunting or butchering an animal themselves, as if those experiences might somehow legitimize the endeavor of eating animals. This is very silly. Murdering someone would surely prove that you are capable of killing, but it wouldn’t be the most reasonable way to understand why you should or shouldn’t do it.

Killing an animal oneself is more often than not a way to forget the problem while pretending to remember. This is perhaps more harmful than ignorance. It’s always possible to wake someone from sleep, but no amount of noise will wake someone who is pretending to be asleep.
-Jonathan Safran Foer, Eating Animals (bolding mine)

okay so this journal is likely to be deleted after a while... so uh, get it while it's hot i guess??
i made an account to post nsfw commissions and ych auctions (mostly collabs with - who is also open for commissions of all kinds) and there's nothing there yet, but i'm working on it!
suggestions for shit to draw are welcome since... well, i've never really sold much of this, and i need to pay bills.


like i said, nothing there... yet.

tw: talk of blood, self-harm

just a warning that i will be submitting some old blood paintings i never put up that i recently stumbled across in a sketchbook
may also add to that collection soon; we'll see

okay so my roomies and i need money for food and medication. we're all mentally ill and running out of meds has really done a number on us so we're pretty desperate.
i will draw just about anything including porn and other nsfw content as long as you're willing to pay for it!

i'd like to do some flat color headshots and busts for 3-10 dollars or badges for 15+ depending on what the character looks like and how complex the badge is
i'd also love to get some collaborative commissions! and i have done several of these in the past and they look fantastic. examples:
https://www.weasyl.com/submission/1.....oey-gummi-gore
https://www.weasyl.com/submission/1.....k-badge-collab
https://www.weasyl.com/submission/1.....erscitus-badge
(the first two are my lines and his colors, the last one is his lines and my colors)

---

and as far as where to find me... firstly, i'm not leaving fa again. i can't afford to do so. i need to be here to get money and commissions. BUT in the case the site crashes again...
weasyl
twitter (still setting this up... there's nothing there yet)
i will post an art tumblr soon as well. i want to get it set up first.

i am sorry for those waiting on sketches and the like from me. it's been an exhausting week for reasons unrelated to the internet, and it doesn't look to be letting up. but i'm trying to work around it as best i can.
i need sleep, but sleep isn't productive. hrm.

okay you know what, i do not have the patience for this shit

if you think cisgender people should have any say in what is and is not transphobic, get out
if you think feminism is a cult or that the term feminazi is somehow funny, get out
if you think racism is a thing of the past or that people of color should "get over it," get out
if you think men are oppressed for being men, white people are oppressed for being white, cisgender people are oppressed for being cisgender, or straight people are oppressed for being straight, get out
if you don't understand how lecturing mentally ill people on how they "should" act (or judging them harshly when they cannot conform to those expectations) is ableist and wrong, get out
if you think being told that you have privilege is somehow bigotry, get out

if you can't understand that the internalization of ever-present, systematic, and oppressive beliefs is something we all have to fight and that being called on such things isn't an attack on you personally, get out

i don't have the mental energy to have these fights
i am too tired and too fucked up and too busy to want to battle every asshole on the internet
if you want to have a legitimate discussion, fine, but if you're just here to tell me how i - a trans person - am misusing the term transphobe, get. the fuck. out.

lost files i can't replace that i thought were safe and backed up
lost a character reference i can't get back and i don't remember the markings well enough to recreate them and it was going to be a very personal character and just
i'm fucking heartbroken
i hate my luck

edit: holy shit i got the main one i was worried about back, and i'm almost crying i'm so relieved. i love this character too much apparently, yet never draw him. time to fix that.
also: lost some art files and a night's worth of work reinstalling os and adjusting settings and shit so... sorry for delays. work starts over.

i've gotten so many kind notes, and i swear i'm going to reply to them all asap. i work 2 long shifts this weekend at my non-art job, so i'm really tired and just haven't had the time... but it's really encouraging to see, considering i'm still getting anon hate and nasty comments.
i just wanted to say thanks again. i'm not ignoring anyone; i'm just super duper busy for a couple of days.

so a bit of a kerfuffle with some ableist transphobes (and some racists, o boy) went down yesterday. i didn't post about it cause eh, whatever. but there's been some really nasty comments made, let's just leave it at that.

in any case, i woke up to some lovely supportive messages in my inbox both here and on tumblr, and i just wanted to say thank you. i won't be able to reply to them all, because i am an anxious and avoidant creature, but i still wanted to say i'm grateful for the kind words. it's nice to know not everyone on this site is a shithead.
so yeah, thank you for taking the time to drop me a few words of support. it was a good thing to wake up to, and i very much appreciate it. <3

say it with me, kids!

just because something is a social construct does not mean it doesn't have very real effects on people's lives within those constructs! stop acting like "race doesn't exist" is a legitimate thing to fucking say in a discussion about systematic racism.

christ on a fucking cracker.

okay so i'm going to be a lot more liberal with my use of the block feature because here's the thing:
i don't have patience for ridiculous trolling tactics. i just don't. i have enough stress in my daily life without people making me angry for no reason or benefit.
if you're an asshole, i will block you. simple. it's just easier for everyone that way.
okay? okay.

now buy my adopts; i need money.

i can't seem to get much exposure elsewhere and, unfortunately, i need to post more than just adoptables to draw people to my page and get them interested.
i will be posting old art that hasn't made it to fa yet to get my acct here caught up, and i will post new pieces here.
i still will maintain my weasyl page, and i encourage everyone to try the site out! it's great, and i love the format, and it lacks a lot of the "cons" of this site. i just wish it had more traffic!

expect an incoming art flood as soon as i can muster the energy. i will post no more than 6 pieces a day until we're all caught up.

EDIT: i lied, i'm gonna do 10 a day. there's just so much to repost. apologies in advance for the flood.

so now that i'm all moved in to my new home, the fun part begins: paying bills.
the first month is going to be the roughest because of utility deposits, so expect lots of adoptable uploads and a fursuit coming soon!

just as a friendly reminder, i have designs for sale here.

i'm also accepting pay-what-you-want commissions!!
icons, badges, sketches, colored sketches, custom designs, you name it. hell, i'll doodle your fursona making a silly face for a dollar. if you're interested, drop me a comment or note and we can hash out the details!

signal boosts are appreciated! gotta make a living.

i don't really like posting art that isn't for money-making here because of some serious disagreements with staff in the past... but i get no feedback and, more damning, no commissions via weasyl.

how many of you are active there? any plans to be more active?

i don't really want to come slinking back here, but i need more exposure than weasyl is providing. bah.

got my car back. still in dad's name, but this at least gives me some time to sort things out and get a vehicle that is legally my own. bills are currently paid, and i am in a house that has nothing to do with my father in any way. started yardwork today. gonna try to plant a late garden.
i really feel like i need to draw, but motivation and energy are low. i'm exhausted a lot recently. hopefully stress levels will drop soon and i can get back to that.
basically, shit is hard but i'm really trying.

my cat died today. random seizure, rushed her to the vet. otherwise physically healthy. no idea what caused it. can't afford the autopsy, but what good would it do anyway...
she was the sweetest of my little family, and i haven't figured out how to recover yet. every time i remember she's not here, i just start sobbing. i've lost 5 hours just crying.

the universe keeps using me and those i love as a punching bag, and i don't know how much more i can take before i break.

finally got almost everything moved in.
someone hit my fucking car in the uhaul parking lot. it's not driveable and insurance says i have to be reimbursed for charges for towing and shit 'cause it happened in the middle of the night. so whatever money i had saved for helping roomie and paying next month's bills is dwindling.

i left it there for all of six fucking hours. i was so excited because i was almost done, almost out. when i drove up to drop off the uhaul and saw it there smashed, i just... i honestly just can't even process how i'm going to deal with this, at this point. i can't handle this anymore. i feel like giving up would be so much easier.
what did i do to deserve this shit? i just want to be safe, and the universe just keeps shitting on me. i can't take this anymore.

pictures and information here

i'm so tired, i can't reply to things right now. i'm just exhausted. but i will, asap. i appreciate all the help. i really, really do.
thanks again, everyone.

in the process of moving stuff right now. trying to be secretive and not let on to my father.
got my key today. will have lease paperwork tomorrow and will provide pictures as proof.
have to get utilities switched to my name tomorrow and pay that... likely a deposit, but who knows how much.

then my third room mate (!!!!!) has to get funds for a plane, but i think we might actually have it already if we're careful. it's only like 150 bucks.

i've cried so much today. this is overwhelming. but in a good way.

update on this situation
first update
second update
__________
HELP ME OUT AND GET COOL ART!  sam-person is offering commissions in exchange for donations sent to my paypal! information is here!
i am also open for just about any commissions you can manage to come up with and am selling adoptables.
ADOPTS
signal boosts on either are super appreciated.
__________

okay i’m going to go into lots of details here, because i feel like people have a right to know what i’m doing with their donations. if anyone has questions, they can absolutely ask. again, i will provide proof as soon as i have the paperwork to do so.

i have received around 1000 dollars in donations, at this, point, and just the thought makes me tear up, honestly. every time i check notes and my inbox, i get really emotional. the support i’ve gotten has kept me from hopelessness, and we are so close to leaving. let me fill everyone in.

i have, so far, managed to miraculously avoid my father. however, storms are coming and he’s the only one of us with a proper shelter from them. i would like to get out of here before they hit (tomorrow evening is the first of 5 days’ worth of severe weather in my area), so that i’m not trapped in a situation of being unsafe because of storms or being unsafe because of having to be in a tiny room with him.

ultimately, there will be 3 people living in the new home: myself, my long-term roomie (lucy), and a long-term friend also in an abusive family situation (i won’t name him here unless he wants me to). we are all trans and mentally ill and all come from abusive family lives. i think i speak for all of us when i say we just want to be safe.
in total, we have around 2100 dollars, with all the money from work checks, donations, and art sales.

there are 2 places we are looking at right now. one we’ve been approved for already, but we haven’t put money down because the landlord (understandably) wants last month’s rent up front. my rental history isn’t the greatest because i’ve been here for so long. so that number was 1400, but went to 2100 just to move in. not counting utilities and food, gas, and other living expenses, we might have it, but just barely. if we have to go there, i will probably have to ask for a pay advance at work; the boss has already said that’s doable.

the other place wasn’t available to be seen until tomorrow (tues. march 7) because the landlord was out of town. when we spoke over the phone though, he estimated move in costs at 1200 dollars. that would leave us with plenty of money for utilities and other costs… so i would love to get this one instead so i have enough to comfortably and safely get out of here without the extra stress and fear of not having groceries or gas to get to work.

i still need help and it’s excruciating at this point because we’re so close. i’m not entirely sure that we’ll be approved for the second house and no one else is allowing us to rent at the moment. these are what’s immediately available, and i can’t afford to watch the market for any longer; i need out of here asap.

please please please continue to donate or signal boost. if we get another couple hundred, it’ll be 100% sure that we can make it into the back-up home if necessary. we’ll be broke and have to figure out how to make ends meet in other ways, but at least i won’t live here anymore.

thank you, everyone, for your help and support. it means so much. <3

original journal

HELP ME OUT AND GET COOL ART!  sam-person is offering commissions in exchange for donations sent to my paypal! information is here!
i am also open for just about any commissions you can manage to come up with and will be selling adoptables soon. signal boosts on either are super appreciated.
____________

firstly, i’d like to say thank you for all the support i’ve gotten over the last couple of days. it means more to me than i can express. i’m so emotionally exhausted that i’m sure i’m doing a poor job of appearing grateful, but i am, i really am. thank you all so so so much.

okay now to the actual update…

i am around 640 dollars, right now, in my paypal, and that’s one month of rent for almost every place that’s on my “possibilities” list. that’s amazing and great and i’m so astonished, honestly… but unfortunately, it’s still not enough to get me out of here cleanly.
i have about 1100 dollars in the bank, currently, from room-mate’s and my own checks… and after paying what bills i absolutely had to pay. i still have to buy food and gas for the next 2 weeks (until next payday) as well as animal food and things like toiletries and basic necessities. (sorry for rambling, i’m very tired.) that money will partially cover deposit and utilities, but won’t leave much left for the above expenses.

i still need all the help i can get. i’m calling tomorrow to try to get in touch with the emergency employee fund at my job, but there’s no guarantee of assistance, there. (more timely updates can be found on my tumblr. please note me for details.)
until i’m in a safe home, please please please continue to signal boost and donate if you can. even a couple of dollars helps more than i can say.

thank you for your support so far and for any i may get in the future. <3 it means a lot to know people want to help.

update re: this situation.

i have gotten just over 500 dollars in donations, at this point. enough for a month of rent in a new home, and i will be calling to talk to several duplexes/apartments/homes tomorrow and over the weekend.

i still need to get money for a deposit, moving supplies, and to get the utilities turned on. roomie’s check will pay for some of this, as will my own (tomorrow is payday for me), but that also has to buy us food, animal food, gas, and other basic supplies.

i will post updates regularly on my tumblr. if anyone would like to check it, note me for the address. (i'm sorry; i'm just a little paranoid right now.)

please continue to signal boost; i’m making progress, but i can still use all the help i can get. i’m really trying, and the support i’ve gotten so far has honestly been the only thing keeping me from losing hope. thank you, everyone, so much.

i’m writing this fast and i’m still panicking, so i’m sorry if this is hard to understand/rambles.

my dad just threatened to beat my ass and kick me out over my bernie sanders sticker and because i told him to stop saying racist things to me. after he wouldn’t stop, the third time i asked, i raised my voice slightly. he screamed at me, got in my face, balled his fists up, and swung like he was going to hit me. i backed up and locked myself in the bathroom to avoid it. told me i would “respect” him or get beaten/thrown out.

i want out of here. i desperately need to leave and be safe. i have nearly killed myself 3 times living with this man, and now i’m afraid he’ll do the job for me.

i hate to beg for help, but i don’t know what else to do.
here's my paypal link. i will be forever grateful for any help. thank you in advance for donations and signal boosts.

and almost hit me
over telling him to stop saying racist things and a bernie sticker

i can't do this anymore