Should be more happy, finally breaking milestones on my art sites but i see at my patreon and i realize im behind, behind everybody i see myself at the mirror, count my age and say to myself "it is already too late?", i know is not the first time i have doubted myself, funny how doctor said drawing as improved my depression, i dont know what do should continue and be happy? and lose, or obey mom and get a common job becoming a drone and lose, seems a grim outlook.
As a chilean always saw art as s something hard to reach but still i saw other being succesful so i wanted but alas i couldnt....even know i imagine succesful artists from my country like Diives laughing at me...going to bed im not feeling okay

OH boy i didnt realize i was closing 200 watchers, i know a small number for everyone but a milestone for me *blows birthday horn* okay first to finish my deviantart pic, THEN to work in the Furaffinity one.

---

Also having plans, but still working on them.
stay tuned

Vent art to put my depression into it, but i remembered no one cares, is the crux of being a nobody.

works better than depression pills, too bad i cant find the bloody things!!

A few months ago inspired by a friend in discord i opened a patreon to have a fix amount of income and tips, i have goals tier offerings if anyone is interested the link is: https://www.patreon.com/JmfArts
When i have more time i will start making the more proper propaganda

so...i want to do something useful for once, using flash but i dont know how or where to find sound files

Is werid when artists with more audience (watchers) tells you they like your art, still dont know how to feel about it

so discord group were kind enough to accept me, im grateful becasue yesterday was a bad day so thanks specially since this came in a hard moment so double thanks.

well it was like 2 months without feeling terrible, from people stopping me from doing my personal proyects because i have to be irrealisticaly original with my characters to people i though i could trust hating on me, what else?, ah yes feeling useless because people my age are ten times better artists (or as i call it "real artists"), cant help to envy people who werent forsaken by fate, well just another day am i right?

So hello thanks for reading this

Da rules are :

-. Up to 2 characters
-. Thigh up only
-. Simple backgrounds
-. Details in Outfits Can be negotiated
-. Slots can only be held for up to 2 days.
-. Only one slot per person, each one is for 1 image
-.I have the right to decide what i'm gonna draw (it also means I will decline any order I am not comfortable with)
-.Commissions are to be paid for before I start work on them, i accept PayPal for the time being, payment is after i have agreed with your wishes
-.Every Artwork should be done in at least a week, you can yell at me after a week has passed
-.I send sketches as preview, say everything you don't like when i do that or no changes will be made
-. send references if possible, artistic liberties with the designs may happen
-.You can remain anonymous if you wish

ok with that out of the way:

$2: Sketch
$4: Colored Sketch
$5: Line Art
$10: Flat Color
$15: Full Color

Slots (status of each work also)
1-
2-
3-
4-
5-

you can note me, or use the mail (i also use it for paypal) jmfmagnum[at]hotmail.com

so i have been wating to do a OC sharks for months i choose the color because i like it, and many sharks characters have it but still i was accused to "steal art", yeah thanks, their comments are filled with all variations of "he stole x art", i wanted to talk to the owner of the oc i "stole" about this this but he doesn't reply and just tells his friends to tell everyone that im a stealer, gotta love a guy who don't talk directly to you but prefers to send other people to spread lies eh? devianart style baby , i guess is karma for being a similar prick in the past, though i didn't had friends to do that .
So you want me to stop god?, of course i won't, im tired of being passive and allow myself to be bullied just to be accepted.

So hello thanks for reading this

Ok the rules are :

-. Up to 2 characters
-. Thigh up only
-. Simple backgrounds
-. Details in Outfits Can be negotiated
-. Slots can only be held for up to 2 days.
-. Only one slot per person, each one is for 1 image
-.I have the right to decide what i'm gonna draw (it also means I will decline any order I am not comfortable with)
-.Commissions are to be paid for before I start work on them, i accept PayPal for the time being, payment is after i have agreed with your wishes
-.Every Artwork should be done in at least a week, you can yell at me after a week has passed
-.I send sketches as preview, say everything you don't like when i do that or no changes will be made
-. send references if possible, artistic liberties with the designs may happen
-.You can remain anonymous if you wish

ok with that out of the way:

$2: Sketch
$4: Colored Sketch
$5: Line Art
$10: Flat Color
$15: Full Color

Slots (status of each work also)
1-
2-
3-
4-
5-

you can note me, or use the mail (i also use it for paypal) jmfmagnum[at]hotmail.com

Doktor said i need to learn to have fun again, funny that's what people said i must do when arting, also to set small goal in a near future, with that in mind....i will soldier on and open a small comission pool, more details when it's up, wish me de... i mean luck

oh look furaffinity is back, i dont care i dont even know what i logged again, what's the point
so yeah some idiot spend weeks saying i can count on him, surprise he was a douche like everyone else, still remember hpoing to find nice people in this fandom...guess what, all humans are scum regardless of anything, no matter how people i talk to is alwasy the same, just let me die...

calm for a moment, i once agai nhad lotsa of request petitions, need to order them so please i paused them for now until i have done the ones i had

Still, having problems, what i want?. who i want it? among others, urrg i'm so confused, and hurting myself, so the only thing i'm doing is request, also i have to get a job, or mom well i don't know she hasn't said what she will do besides the fact that i coulnd't be able to pay for college so i think i'm boned.

pd: i got requests, but for some reason all i get are to draw gay stuff, ironic, anyway so quick reminder that iam a boring low tier artist doing females and hetero boring crap for the time being, sorry for the people who send me those requests.

I hate this, after half a year of feeling super depressed i thought everything would go uphill , and again i'm starting to feel bad, the worst part is nobody would read this

....as always i try but i never have energy i never have faith i can barely do the stuff i have to do, i know i will fail my grades and my family will alwasy look donw, i'm dumb to believe i can do somethin like art, i wish i could love anything but art, the pain is getting unbearable

must one be to be hated by someone who gives you art?, ask me i'm the worst human ever

- everyoen is better than me , so no one really cares about my horrid doodles
- people who cared hates me to death

god i'm such a failure at life...

...i wish i know, at least i can get drunk to try to forget for a while

...years ago birthdays stopped meaning something for me, at least i can get drunk, so let's drink everything we can

can't do it, cant' be positive , just can't ...hello darkness my old friend

...I have never really knew when it happens, i only know these seed were sow during my high school days, from those years , everything has going downhill, i could say i "i will abandon arting" but can't say that though, everyday i'm just doing less and less as as lifeless husk i'm rotting away in life, a part of me already gave up, and is a matter of time until the rest of me give up, only then i will be able to abandon everything, until then i will just live this agony.

I wonder how is to be good at what you love, i guess i will die regretting not being good enough

...from vacations, and i don't know why i wrote a new journal entry....since no one cares