SOOOO... I'm going to be a gigantic nerd and Homestuckify my goat because they already got the looks, might as well go all in, fuck it. They're a TF'd Troll, because why not. >:u

I will probably do a lot of editing to my ref and shit, THEN go on hiatus because I have been mulling on this for a bit. My friend has given me ideas for this because they noticed my goat is Homestuck Troll coloured and now I am just like "FUCK" since I know I should be on hiatus but this is driving me up a wall and I must do it... lol

Hey guys. I had been considering this again for a while now, I just feel like it's not really helping my worsening mental state and I feel like it would be a good idea to just put things on hold for now until I feel better and if it results in me not wanting to continue with art, that is fine. It's been an interesting journey for me to go from stick figures to where I am at now in a span of 20 years. So... yeah, I won't say it's permanent because, knowing me, I might get too antsy not drawing for a long period of time so.. who knows. lol

Either way, during this break (if it is just a break) I might set up old sonas for adoptables since I have no use for them and I might try to focus on other skills/hobbies I've been interested in getting into like music, unsure yet on that. So we'll see. o3o

But yeah, I am fine, I've just been dealing with a lot of.. not-so-fun thoughts and my energy has been total ass over the past few weeks. I can't really focus on art when I am on the verge of breaking down, you know? You can probably guess what's been getting at me. xwx

I actually want to look around for tutorials on how to draw toony characters and manga/anime toony(?) characters as well so that I can commit to this more instead of doing it like I've been doing. lol

I also want to try to learn Japanese to the best of my ability but I don't... really know where to look since Duolingo is no longer a viable option. I only know bits and pieces of Japanese, not a whole lot. Hell, if there's anyone following who IS Japanese, can DM me if you feel you can help. I've never really let go of my interests in the country and it's culture, but back when I was a kid, I was a massive weeb. Guess I still am but I don't romanticize the country now. I do still want to move there with my mate despite knowing that it's far from the "perfect image" weebs give it. I am even fully aware it might not be that much better than living in the US but, with the current times, that... doesn't really matter anymore. Just pick a place you feel you'd be content with.

And.. maybe, just maybe, I might consider opening up for commissions once I feel I am ready. I do admit that I want to wait until I feel confident in my ability to draw and keep up with such things. My fear of failure/disappointment kinda keeps me from considering doing commissions.. >w>;;

But yeah, just some stuff.

With a couple new ones in there. Hope you guys like the little gremlin because I plan to draw more of them since I do enjoy drawing them. lol

But yeah, like I said, I will slowly re-upload all my art as I place watermarks on them, just want to be careful with the art thief and all. Hope this isn't a bother.

So, a week and a half ago, Demiru's mum was sent to the hospital because she nearly died at work due to a UTI and as soon as she was able to get home, after a week of being stuck there, I start having rather concerning health issues. Basically, heart palpitations + chest pain + sore(?) throat. Demiru's mum thinks it's because of my inhaler I've been using in place of a nebulizer when I am having an asthma attack since I can't afford to go to a doctor to restock on asthma meds so.. hopefully she's correct, I really don't want to die of a heart attack. >w>;;

At the very least, make me die in a funny way, not a tragic one.

But.. yeah, going to be out of it for a while until the heart palpitations go away. Demiru's mum made a very accurate guess that my heart palpitations probably came from me using the inhaler in place of a nebulizer every time I had an asthma attack so.. I am going to try to use the inhaler far less and see if Demiru and I can apply to Medicaid so I can actually get proper medication for both my asthma and whatever the hell else is wrong with me.

(If my art looks bad for a while, you know why. lol)

Mainly just.. until this stressful situation has settled down. I'll be fine, just can't draw when I am dealing with a migraine all the time due to this. >w<

Other than that, am always around on Telegram and Discord. littlesofttail - same username for both.

I would have just set them to "Friends Only" if that was a feature on here but, since it's not, this is the only option I have right now to make things harder for the art thief to take my shit. They've only stolen two of my most recent sonas so.. yeah. I did put watermarks on my most recent art and I'll, eventually, re-upload my old art once I've placed watermarks on them. I am sorry for the inconvenience, I had no choice. They'll be back up, eventually.

Afternoon fluffs~, I still have my Discord server around, it's mainly just there for hanging out and socializing while also keeping up with my art, including stuff I may not post on any site. I may also make a Telegram channel (or well, remake it) and post stuff there as well, not sure yet. o3o


https://discord.gg/YK5M5DfbNs

So, recently, it came to my attention that someone stole my deer, Cole O'Dubhda, and have been commissioning artists for the past few months. If any artists that follow me remember the deer and was commissioned by this person, please contact me and if I am not on, feel free to contact my mate, Demiru

The thief goes by as @/cole_odubhda

The deer in question: https://e621.net/posts/5096218?q=erinnern

Managed to get enough for it, thanks to a couple of friends, so now the new PC will be here in a few days (hopefully) and I won't have to worry about losing all my shit if my Laptop decides to brick itself since it's GPU is going out on me. The arting will, hopefully, resume once the new PC's here. Is a desktop instead of a laptop and blows my current laptop way out of the water so should be able to handle anything for me. :3

So.. I have been in the fur community for a little over 20 years, and I've always noticed some constants in the community that are legitimate problems, such as:

Drama/Cancel Culture - It's always been a meme in the fur community, even back in it's early days, that drama is their main focus and.. I, honestly, believe it. Every month, there's some dipshit online who'll cause drama or try to cancel someone over something meaningless like digitigrade legs, ferals, animalistic/non-human genitalia, ABDL, being over 30 years old etc. because, by their words, it's "morally wrong" when it is not. I can almost always guarantee you that they legitimately don't care what they're causing issues for, they just like to stir the pot and make everyone angry, some, legitimately are that braindead, though. It's emotionally draining and is a major motivator as to why some furs leave the community. Personally, I am into things that these drama furs absolutely hate and while I would never harm anyone nor anything, they don't give a flying fuck about that, they want me gone and want me dead.

Lack of Child-Friendly Spaces - Now, this is probably hypocritical coming from someone who draws porn but hear me out. There is absolutely no child-friendly spaces for furs that minors can go to which results in one of the biggest issues in the fur fandom which is child predation. This is due to minors having to share spaces with fully grown adults and having to deal with all the cons of that and I know this from experience since I joined the community when I was 9. I've been groomed and sexually assaulted from the age of 12 all the way up to 19 which has led me to being extremely wary of intimate relationships and while I am in an intimate relationship, it doesn't mean I am not cautious of my partner. I love him dearly and I've been with him for 10 years but my trauma makes it really hard for me to open up and be vulnerable to him but I am still trying.

Homicidal Hatred and Total Apathy - So this is one that feels like a more recent issue with the fur community but has been a constant one for the past 10-15 years, at least. Furs seem to go for two complete extremes which is just.. murderous/homicidal hatred and complete numbness/apathy towards certain groups of individuals in the fur community. The fur community is supposed to be friendly and welcoming but... it's anything but that if you're into certain kinks which are nothing but fantasy. I've experienced this first hand because of the kinks I am into and I will not go into here. It's another big reason why some furs leave the community and why I barely take part in it. I don't like being treated like shit for, basically, no reason and I hate having to trauma dump to prove a point that I'm not going to hurt anyone nor anything but here we are.

Lack of Social Awareness - So this is a specific one and that there's really not much anyone can do about it other than call out that kind of behaviour but it's so common to come across furs who will just straight up tell you that they want to fuck you in some way. It's really fucking creepy and I genuinely don't know how so many furs lack such social awareness and this is coming from someone who is struggles A LOT socially. I don't want to know that you want to fuck me and my sona, alright?

But yeah.. these are just the issues I've noticed and dealt with my entire time I've been a fur. If I ever feel distant, now you know why.

So, my current laptop has been slowly going out on me over the past 2 years so I've been trying to get the money to replace it over the past.... year... but.. yeah, I am a bit under what is needed to get the laptop so am selling adoptables, two of which I've already submitted which will be shown here:

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61620283/
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/61643016/

Is just a goat and a raven for now, if anyone is interested in either, can let me know.. o3

Curious if any of you fluffs play any. o3o

My mate and I play WoW, primarily, but we also play Guild Wars 2 and (rarely) Star Wars: The Old Republic. For WoW, we're both on Chronomaggus and I mainly play as my Shaman, Shion and, now, my Druid, Rosen. For GW2, the servers don't typically matter but is Gates of Madness and I usually play my Engineer, Creator Zinn. owo

(Demiru will mention his if he wants, doesn't have to) but yeah, am curious if any of you play. o3o

Goat jumpscare

Making this in case the previous link no longer works but yeah, is also just a reminder that I do have a server up if anyone wants to join and see me and my mates be dorks. :u

Can see art I don't post on FA/Itaku and can see me talk about ideas like my old species, the Kiruta that I am still debating on unshelving. The server is, still, mainly a place to hang out and goof around. :3

https://discord.gg/YK5M5DfbNs

Made as, primarily, a place to hang out and be safe from all the chaos of the outside world. I do use it to post all my art in it but yeah. Feel free to join in and goof around, we're all just a bunch of dorks. :u

https://discord.gg/YK5M5DfbNs

Getting falsely banned over and over for no reason is getting on my nerves. Got falsely banned on Discord again for """""""SUSPICIOUS ACTIVTY""""""" when I didn't do anything. Can someone please tell me if it's just my bad luck or if bots are actually just getting worse. It's been happening to me so frequently lately and I, genuinely, don't really know why. It's getting to the point where some of my friends are questioning if I really did do something wrong when I didn't. I don't spam, I don't harass, I just.. goof around and have fun with my mates. I rarely even talk even on my own Discord server since I'm not much of a talkative person. It's really putting me down because It's making me very scared of everything I do online even though I'm not doing anything. It's going to get to a point where i might just choose to vanish entirely online since it's, quite literally, affecting me negatively by quite a lot. Instant Messengers are literally my only form of contact for everyone I know and for it to be taken away from me means I am cut on contact with everyone, including one of my partners. Yes, I know I can just give my phone number to people but, as I've stated below, that wouldn't really work out.

And if the commenter below is correct, whoever is actively trying to hurt me by false flagging all my accounts, please, if I did something wrong that made you feel so negatively about me that you want to punish me for it, come talk to me. I am not some unreasonable, unapproachable ass, I am willing to listen and apologize if so.

If any of you know me on there or follow my channel on there, I've been banned out of nowhere for.. seemingly no reason. I don't spam, I don't make vile/rude comments, I just.. exist. I rarely talk and when I do, it's usually in private chats more than group chats. SO if you do, I am on Discord and this has definitely made me kinda just move away from Telegram entirely. My Discord is kamotoart and I have a discord server as well: https://discord.gg/setwBHe5cm

Also, whoever reported me on Telegram, if you're reading this, please contact me. I want to know what I did wrong if that's the case. I'm not unreasonable and I will apologize if that's the case, I can be oblivious sometimes and word things poorly. I will be a bit upset if this is the case since you could have just messaged me and let me know instead of tossing me out like trash.

I've thought about this for a while because there's a lot of things people say, these days, that get on my nerves quite a bit and I figured it'd be interesting talking about it. x3

So, I know some of these might have been TikTok's and/or Youtube's fault like Gyatt, Skibidi, Unalive, Ahh/Ah (meaning Ass) and Minecraft (as another way to say "Kill") but still bother me quite a bit. Like, I just want people to talk normal so I don't have to decipher what the fuck they're talking about, I shouldn't need to google it. (especially with how useless Google is now) lol

I made a Telegram channel and you'll get to see art I post on there as well as some other things like adoptables and whatnot. There is also a chat added with it so feel free to pop in. :3

https://t.me/littleartden

So...The 25 years I've been on the internet, I always used social media like Yahoo Messenger, AIM, MSN, Skype, Myspace, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter, Tumblr, Bluesky.. etc. to keep in touch with friends and show my art but... Over the past, I wanna say, 10 years? I've found myself avoiding social media more and more. Every time I use it, it just makes me more and more anxious, giving me a sense of dread and anguish. I always see people fighting, or trying to one-up each other. Always seeing people chase clout and trying to beat each other in popularity. Always seeing politics and always dealing with the consequences of it. It's maddening. I can't just... enjoy art or talk to people, I have to deal with constant drama, constant bullshit and I know, technically, Bluesky IS better but it still shares the same issues every other social media site has. Even if I try to curate my side of Bluesky to the best of my ability, I will still see people causing problems. Like seriously, I mostly follow artists, the rest are just people who do things I am interested in.

It sucks because I remember when it was fun to be on social media, when it was literally what it was made for. To hang out with friends/family and share interests. Now it's just this.. horrid abomination. I always feel worse if I use any social media, outside of art sites. At least with art sites, it's not difficult at all to just.. ignore drama and politics, on social media sites like Twitter and Bluesky, it's nigh impossible. I feel bad for the youth because they never got to experience what the internet used to be like and while yes, there's some things about 2000's internet that is horrific, most of it was a genuinely fun experience, because while some things on the internet are better, the pros don't outweigh the... MANY, MANY cons the internet has now. It's so corporate and corrupt, these days, that you can't enjoy a single damn thing without corporate begging you to waste money on it and you also can't enjoy a damn thing without someone bitching about Trump, Biden, Kamala or whatever other evil old person that is the topic of the week or blaming people for Trump's election to presidency (again) or.. whatever. It's tiring. I am sick of it and I just want to be rid of it so, from now on, I'll only be on here and Itaku. I don't want to use Bluesky nor whatever other Twitter/Tumblr/Facebook alternative there is. There is a SMALL consideration that I might use Pillowfort but I am still uncertain. Either way, sorry for the rant/rambling, it's just been on my mind lately.

It's always been an issue for me since I was... 13 and it mainly has to do with me wanting to find the most perfect sona for myself. I tend to look a lot into where a species is from, what their personalities typically are and... if I can draw them without struggling for several days.. >w>;;;;

I've always leaned towards mustelids, bovids/cervids, rodents/leporids and reptiles. More specifically.. Otters, Goats, Sheep, Deer, Rats, Squirrels, Bunnies and Kobolds. My main sona, for the longest time, was an otter with bunny-otter being secondary in longest but.. I had a "friend" who would criticize how my sona looked heavily and said they looked diseased without me even asking or giving permission for such which hurt me to the point where it has resulted in me kinda just.. erratically swapping from sona to sona constantly for the past 10 years now. Very few people I've known has expressed annoyance towards it and some have kinda.. jabbed at me for it/joking about it at my expense which might have fueled those issues for me more. I had thought starting over would help me not only get away from toxic folk but also help me settle with a sona more....but.. I dunno.

I know it's probably due to my mental state being ass, causing me to be very moody/depressed all the time and causing me to second guess everything I do but not really sure how to ignore that. A friend of mine mentioned I might just have some form of OCD which... I guess makes sense with how OCD, sometimes, comes with being Autistic but who knows. I do want to try to keep with my sheep, but unsure how I can keep that little thing in my head telling me it doesn't fit me from happening. =w=;

And I've uploaded a couple of things, updated my goat. Managed to get my laptop's USB ports to work.. kinda so I am able to draw again, just may be a bit difficult at times but, either way, time to see a sudden flood of art. x3

So, since the site's still (mostly) down, I guess I can post about stuff in my past that I still kinda... think about to this day for fun and also to show that I am still around, waiting for the site to be fixed so I can upload a couple of things so... yeah.

Back when I was a kid, I played a fuckton of EverQuest, EverQuest II, WoW, Mabinogi and Maplestory. I loved them all to death and the only MMO I actually have a lot of negative memories for is well... WoW and it's not because of the community or anything, it's because of my father. He would yell at me or my mum every time we strayed even a millimeter off his desired path because we dared to explore or goof around. It was so ridiculous and over-the-top anger too, like.. full on man-baby tantrums, it would turn both me and my mum off from playing with him every time and It made me quit in 2012 after fucking 8 years of dealing with his nonsense and it took me years to finally get over it and enjoy WoW again. Before I had quit back then, I played as a Female Night Elf Druid named... Chanara, I think, and I did spend a lot of my time doing my own thing when he wasn't on. I remember that I... was... a very strange kid back then so I did a lot of weird shit on WoW that I am still embarrassed about and I still wish I could apologize to my guildmates for it but, other than that, I dicked around in Stormwind a lot which resulted in me getting a kind of attention that is a meme in the MMO community for "guys who play as girls online" which.. is kinda funny in multiple ways since I discovered my trans-ness when I was 13. As many kids did back then on MMOs, I noticed that I got free shit for playing a female character and took advantage of that so damn hard to the point where my father noticed and told me to stop which I did since I DID NOT want to get strangled Simpson-style. lol

Okay, so, thank you for those who helped out with donating or sharing my Ko-Fi, I really do appreciate it BUT, instead of getting a PC, I will be going to an eye doctor at some point soon so I will be using some of the money donated for that, unfortunately. My eye sight's gotten bad to the point where the glasses I am currently wearing aren't really doing it anymore and my left eye is taking a hit in vision worse than my right by quite a bit to the point where it actually hurts to wear the glasses, I do worry a bit that I am going blind in my left eye since the difference in vision between the two is quite significant but I dunno. I do also have other issues with my eyes outside of vision like my right eye feeling... "off", like.. it feels off centre but when I look in the mirror, it looks perfectly fine, nothing out of the usual.

It probably doesn't help that I am prone to eye injuries, apparently, since I've hurt my eyes a lot in the past from being a massive fucking klutz and the one time a friend of mine accidentally papercutted my left eye. The most recent eye injury was over a year ago, back in August. I accidentally knocked over a glass decoration and a glass shard landed in my left eye, which prompted the next 5 or so hours of trying to get the fucker out and we succeeded. I should probably mention that to the doctor in case it's relevant.

Either way, there's businesses here that charge for $80 - $90 for both the eye exam and glasses, so I will go for one of those since I do only have $130 or so to use.