Depression anxiety and chronic pain has pretty much been running my life forearm little while now. The last month I've been really ill and now that I'm not sick anymore I figured I should make a journal indicating that I'm Not Dead.

I haven't really done anything notable the last few months and that is mostly because I has been on a mandatory cease of my spine injections. They were the only thing that made the pain bearable and without the shots there's really not much I can do. But my 4 months are just about over and late February I'm just start back up with my shots. Now this is my first time coming back from a break so I don't know if the injection will take immediately or if it'll do the same thing when I started and take two months to really get in my system.

So for roughly the next 6 months I will be on pain relief and my online presence will return. I'm not going to promise content because I find every time I try to make a promise something happens and I'm not able to fulfill it so I'm just going to make a blanket statement and say that these incoming six months are going to be focused on me making bases.
I don't know if I will make custom adoptables but I will be making bases for sale and I want this to be the year that I refund everyone and get myself the clear slate that I have been dreaming about since I left my husband back in 2015. Because I haven't been feeling much like an artist over the past years. Anytime I look at my art page I feel nothing but guilt for not being able to perform like I used to. I feel like everybody probably sick of my shit and nobody's saying it. Or maybe that's just me being paranoid I can't even tell anymore. I want to be able to work on commissions again but for me to do that I need to start fresh and I need to limit my queue.

And to start my base work I'm going to create a gallery folder explicitly for posting my bases that are for sale. So I'm going to be making new ones and I'm going to be digging up old ones.

Not full on type 2 but I am pre-diabetic.

It's been really hard finding good recipes and good things to drink as a pre diabetic...

More than anything it needs to be cheap. I eat solely off of food stamps. Any savvy diabetic chefs out there? I have to work within my food stamps budget

I am back to having another bed seclusion due to my back pain. But tomorrow I plan to dig into some of my emergency Percocet stash and get as much artwork as I can possibly do in one day. So I want to make it count

So for tomorrow I'm going to be doing sketched busts
$10
I'm only going to be able to take a few so comment below with your reference if you are interested in such a special

The cold is really starting to settle in so I need to replace a blown-out bulb from my gecko enclosure, I need gas, and I have medication I need to buy
So please comment away

Within the next couple days if I was to release the base add-ons how many of you would be able or interested in purchasing the $15 pack features

I'm just asking because I have a week to throw together $200 and I was wondering if it would be more effective for me to make and sell some adoptables or if I could just create the add-on pack and sell that instead
I just want to do whatever would conserve time and raise the rest of my rent the quickest

to further enhance the current sergal bases i sell, i wanted to create a whole mess of features and attire to add to further customize your sergals


$15 and you will have unfettered acess to any and ALL addons that i make in the future for life for the sergal base!


this will feature

-hair
-anatomical features
-jewelery
-fur styles
-costume peices



so for people who already HAVE the base, if you want to stake claim to all the new addons coming, just paypal me $15 and ill add you to the list of addon owners <3


Additional feature owners

---

forgot to mention this last month


but the pain management ive been receiving has to take a halt. im required to take a 4 month "off time" once a year to ensure the
medication keeps strong in my system


so till february im gonna be very slowed on work

https://talktotransformer.com/



my starting phrase - "Dante has a dick longer than a mile."


In this case, it's the longest dick. This dick can be as large as a horse. I don't know, maybe it's a dragon's dick? It's the largest dick in the world. This dick is more than two feet long. It's got a hole for two people to live in. I guess I could live in there. I can sleep in there, and I could eat there. I would be the lord of that dick, and the dick would give me things. I would get to fuck everyone in the world. I could have all the wives of the world. All the women and girls, I could have them in bed with me. And it would be great for sex. It would be so much fun. But then it would be so awkward to be in bed with me, because I would have my dick in your mouth, and you would have your dick in my mouth, and we would have to suck


generate the funniest shit you can and post it

HAVE FUN!

I got a swolen lip and wanna eat somethin easy thats pop into mouth sized.



anyone got 5 dollars to spare to put chicken nuggets inside me

A good friend of mine just recently hit on some hard times. They lost their job and they have a new one lined up but they're not going to start for another month. They were determined to make ends meet at first, even willing to go without power or food. But they just had a unexpected Bill come up and my friend's husband got into a car accident.

They finally caved and are letting me help try to raise funds.

toddncox[at]gmail.com is their paypal.


Send what you can even a little bit helps, and if you can't please share this journal around. If you have any questions please ask

https://www.humblebundle.com/softwa.....tile_index_2_c_painter_softwarebundle


they are doing a fund raiser thing. GRAB IT FAST before they close up

so selling my sergal base bundle for almost 50% off

ive wanted to do this for a few years now, and im finnaly starting it

im planning on making a

ball python print
a leopard gecko print
crested gecko print
red eyed crocodile skink print

and possible one or two more.

the python and leopard gecko ones may have a few different morph availabilities


for now, will be US shipping only


i havent decided on a price yet, but will probably be between 15-25 dollars. probably will offer free shipping.


im starting with the leopard gecko prints first. so in the coming week or two you will see them

for years ive been working on the backlog, and ive come a LONG way from my over 50+ backlog. and i know it seems a strange time to finnaly throw my hands up, but i want a blank slate.

its gotten to the point, where im not enjoying the commission. its gotten way past that point.
ive not produced art for spans of weeks at a time and its fueled my guilt and self loathing.

so much of my time in therapy im talking about how much i hate myself, and most of it is coming from my feelings of inadequacy. that i feel like a failure. and for a while, its stemmed from my steady decline as an artist. having had commissions closed for years working off all that art debt.


certain projects im genuinely excited to work on, and ill still do them. but some of them are either not in my realm of expertese or just feel so massive they stress me out from just thinking about them.

so for the time being. im only going to be selling YCH peices. so that i may pay people back, work on the peices i KNOW i can do well. and not feel guilty about drawing my own work again.


Art is supposed to be the major positive in my life. i want to love it again

if u got a flat based bendy dildo, u got a reference

sorry ive been sorta abset for a while. im honestly swimming in doctors appointments theses days, and when im not. ive been stuck in bed alot. almost this whole month ive been bed ridden so ive just been getting online via my phone. my lumbar injuries have kinda migrated down into my tailbone making it really hard to even sit in a chair.

im balancing pain management spinal injections, physical therapy, double the psyche therapy now, and lots of miscelanious specialists.

got diagnosed with Polycistic ovarian syndrome. honestly it didnt come as a shock to me.

the last couple months ive had incessant headaches in the back of my head/neck area accompanied with lightheadedness and dizzyness when i stand up. and my legs get weak and wobbly causing me to have to sit on the floor for a minute or sit back down and try again in a minute. its gotten worse and over the weekend i almost blacked out fully and nearly fell to the floor. roomate took me to the ER and they rushed me into a room immediately upon signing in. scanned my brain and ran tests, but everything came back fine. so now ill be going to a neurological specialist to see wtf is going on with my head.



for 2 months i was without pain releif cause there was ongoing technical issues with the large viewing machine they use when they do the spine injection. but 2 days ago they finnaly got a loaner machine so i got my shot. its gonna take some time to get into my system. but im hoping in a few days once its fully kicked in ill get to do some more drawing in.



so. just with how things have been. and all the delays...and all the plans i keep setting for myself. more often than not i dont meet those goals and it makes me feel super shitty...i feel like ive lost all credibility as an artist ive accrued for myself over the years. like i keep lettin yall down. and i know i have legitimat REASONS for it, it still doesnt feel good. art is kinda the one thing i got goin for me and i barely put anything out. i WANT to, but the timefram in which i put commissions out really makes me feel like a failure. nobody has harrassed me about their art..nobody has been mean to me or anything, but just my enormous underproduction makes me feel gross inside like i dont deserve my watchers. i feel like an imposter, walking around wearing the undeserved title of "artist". arts become equal parts my passion and my pain. i want to reclaim it. someday. forgive my rambling, just feeling a lil sorry for myself.

So as I've mentioned a little bit earlier my car 100% died out and I had to get another used car. I'm putting both my 2.0 base and my betta dragons for sale all of them for $20


Trying to replenish my finances, it's pet food time

Note me your PayPal and the email I'm supposed to send the files to

am 30 now

















yikes

so, ive been pretty quiet here on FA for the last month. mostly because i herniated a disc and was completely bed ridden there for 3 weeks, and then once i became mobile again, i had some shit with my car hit fan. among a few other things

but before that even i have been working on a secret project and a few smaller ones. so im well enough again to sit at my computer now, and im gonna be working on commissions. some ill post as i finish them, and some will be held back to be posted in a large cluster.

but know that work is being done!



work will also start moving much faster when i get my spine injection in 2 weeks. for now, i can only work in bursts of a few hours at a time before needing to lay in bed and rest. (provided they actualy repair the big scanning machine in time)

it was brought to my attention a little big ago that someone on twitter was posing as me and selling sold sergal designs that didnt belong to them.

i want to go on the record saying

- i own a twitter, but it is inactive and i rarely touch it.

- i do not make sales from my twitter

- i also do not run a deviantart, or any other art sites actively.

- the only true online furry presence i have is Furaffinity. on this account, and my  kaprika_adopts profile.

- if someone is trying to sell adopts i make anywhere else, confirm with me first that they are owner of that adopt.

- also, if a deal seems too good to be true, it likely is. id never sell a bundle of sergals for under $50. especialy full ref sheet ones.

- my old sergal base ive opened for purchase so many people purchased rights to use it. so if those look unlike my style its probably safe to say they purchased my base. however, my new 2.0 nice clean sergal base ive not sold to many folk. so exersize caution if you see a sergal on that base being sold that doesnt look like i colored it.


and please, if you find someone peddling MY wares as their own, message me promptly so i can take action.

ive been seeing an increased amount of theft in regards to my sergals, theyve grown very popular and thats resulted in folk stealing them, posing as me. and selling them repeatedly.

to combat this, im going to add an aditional watermark on my adopts from now on to "hopefully?" make them steal proof.

thanks for your time

Guild Langschwert
ID - 62207

Well it's finally happened. I was finally seen by a pain management doctor, and I received my first spinal injection.

I was definitely expecting it to hurt more. There was some burning from the local numbing injections I was given. And even before those I was sprayed with this really really really cold spray so the procedure was fairly painless all considered.

So I'm in bed for the day, I got myself drinks and bed friendly food like Lunchables and jello. Of course that didn't stop me from getting Jello goo all over the place LOL. But I'm supposed to take it easy, and it's supposed to hurt after the painkillers go away which it is starting to now. So bed rest ibuprofen and ice pack on the location. This is only the first injection and I'm supposed to get one again on the 12th. Then a third one early May. After the third shot I will then go to getting one once every 3 to 4 months. Because apparently if they give you the whole thing all in one sitting it'll actually melt your fucking bones
That's terrifying.

So once it's fully integrated into my system it's supposed to help me with my degenerative disc disease, my bilateral sciatica. And possibly help with my tailbone pain if the two are connected. I'm excited to see how this all progresses I've been dying for this 4 years.s

the stipulation? its gotta be $150 worth of stickers. so u will be getting a number of them. and the exact number will depend on the complexity of your character.

so you could get 20, or you could get more or less.




i need funds, and i feel like stickers i could do in a reasonable timeline.

no, its not for me. but a good friend of mine has been in Renal failure for a few years now..


he needs a O+ doner, and its a matter of his life or death.
the origional doner plans fell through, and now he has nobody to donate and now hes taken to reaching out to anyone at all willing
to save his life.


He is willing to pay for flight and hotel costs if you are far away. (he is located in Southern Maryland) he has a wife and two children, and lots of friends who love him.
and i want to do all i can to help


if anyone is willing, PLEASE note me, and ill give you his contact information. he will know more about this process and the steps you will need to take to be verified as a doner

i know im way behind the bandwagon (ive not had a real proper phone in YEARS.)

but i now have one, and i just downloaded pokemon go-get-excersize and im lookin to get some frands!




1541 4116 8175


add me! if anyone is still an active player
ive got nobody else to play with, trade or send gifts to ^^;

so i went to my doc appt yesterday. got to cover ALL my bases. get a refferal to a hand specialist. sleep study. gynecologist. pain management. ect.
now, i didnt sleep the night before so i was tired af

i got home at like 4ish
stripped naked. lights out. in bed. bundled up ready to sleep
i get a phone call
and its the sleep clinic. saying someone canceled at the last second. and could i come in at 8
HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNGGGGGG ok


so i got back up. dressed and watched tv for 3 hours to keep myself up. got there at 7 hoping that if i was there a lil early the wiring process would go faster and i could be in bed sooner well turns out. this place has a REAL sleep center
like a whole wing. not like the tiny one i went to before in july that only had 2 rooms
no, there was 10+ rooms and a whole office and probably more. so they were wiring up a whole buncha people and im pretty sure i was the last one to be wired up.
so i sat around watching tv in my room till they came in to get me set up. head didnt get to hit pillow till like 10:30
wakeup call was at 5
and since it took me like a hour plus to fall asleep i maybe got like 5hrs of sleep (normaly i need at LEAST 10 to function)

and i drove myself, so i had to walk out in the FREEZING cold early morning in jammies cause i was tired and didnt think ahead.
car was so damn cold. i actualy couldnt get in it at first cause the DOORS were frozen shut
i had to full strength YANK on it with dead weight. pulled a muscle in my left arm
was disoriented and i almost ran a red light and i woulda hit a COP. thank fuck he wasnt paying attention that i had to brake stomp.

got home. didnt even bother undressing and just went the fuck to bed
and i kept waking up every friggen hour
and i woke up nautious. had to shower, get all the goop out of my hair from the wires. think like the considtancy of a REALLY thick paste.
but it was water soluable.
all the pasties left bright red patches all over me so i think i had an allergic reaction
woke up at 3pm today..
but man i am still so tired af
my arm hurts from tryin to open the car door.
im hungry

i feel like i havent slept at all. im just so tired and sore..and they wouldnt permit me to bring my special pillow for my neck so i got a headache

im glad i got in so soon and got it done with but just fuck