Where it will be 65 on day, blizzard the next, and right back up to the 60's the day after.

I need to take the time to take an actual bath soak more then once a decade. Relaxing.

Also getting emo journal off my page. =3 He's fine, had to move out of state though =(

On the way walking back from my midterm exam, I found $30 in cash laying on the ground.

Earlier today I found out my best-friend is now homeless.

I don't understand why he couldn't find it. I have a supportive family, easily managed school finances, barely any student loans, doing fantastic in life.

He has nothing. Shit family, school loans that he can't pay because with the economy, he's overqualified for everything he can get and everything else isn't hiring. Horrible experiences with his friends and boyfriends he's had. He would have been able to pay the next 3 months rent with his tax refund, but they took it from him, saying they're paying his student loans that he's already been paying.

So why does the universe see fit to give me this money? Were I able to give it to him I would without thought or delay, but he's on the other end of the state with no access to a bank.

Things should be different.

My senior project partners are lazy and incompetent! I mean I know I'm rather lazy too but at least I can code and pay attention to the project requirements not coding related.


AHHHHHHHH.


Vent journal over.

I just realized I've been sketching some nice furry pron on the back of my MicroEcon assignment...

Seriously considering sending it in anyway LOL.

So I am rather bored, and am avoiding working on my senior project, so I'll give my first meme a go. Turns out to be a Valentines day one!

1.Are you single or taken?
Single

2. Chocolate or flowers?
Chocolate, preferably white.

3. Will you do anything special for Valentines Day?
Was gonna hang with my bud for his birthday and get smashed, but sadly funds have become tight.

4.Do you like anyone?
Like as in friends? Tons. Like as in fancy? Lingering crush on a friend here but otherwise no.

5. Were you dating anyone last Valentines?
Was single then too lol

6. What would be your dream Valentines date?
I'm kind of a romantic, so I'd cook a big fancy meal and do a home candlelight thing. Ideal for me: follow up the previous with a night of much sex.

7. Do you make a big deal about Valentines?
Never had a significant other, and I actually always forget about it XD

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Not likely. Though you wouldn't really know if it was a secret right?

9. Would you ever write someone a love letter?
I'm good with words but bad with staying focused long enough.

10. Do you believe in Cupid?
You have to work at love, a fat baby doesn't stab you in the ass with a heart arrow and magically everything's great.

11. Do your parents give you presents on Valentines?
Used to, when I was young.

12. Do you still send out Valentines cards?
Haven't since elementary when they made you do it XD.

13. Do you like candy hearts?
Chocolate ones, but the ones with words are 'chalky and unpleasant'

14. Do you love me?
Who now?

15. Is Valentines day depressing?
A little, but then I'm well adapted to being blissfully unaware of things.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
Tasteful, ok. Full on slobbery groping, kinda gross, kinda annoying, and oh so jealous inspiring. >=O

17. How is your love life?
Barren! But barren like the painted desert.

18. Have you ever been dumped on Valentines?
Nope

19. How many roses would you want?
I'd like a rare, beautiful full plant when I have my own yard. I love gardening.

20. Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend next year?
Hope so, won't hold breath.

I've become so random that my random acts of randomness have become uninteresting to my roommates and friends...

Now I'm sad =(

Wow, it's been so long since I've had contacts glasses feel so... weird. The distortion is a little annoying but I like that I can take my contacts out when they start itching instead of waiting till going to bed.

In other news, I found that if I draw things bigger, it gets easier to make things look consistent. Who know >_>; *facepalm*

So Ive been feeling kinda down and maybe a little depressed for the last two weeks or so, and I just figured out why. I haven't been killing people. Lol and by that I mean I haven't been playing Team Fortress 2 or Modern Warfare 2 since I came to visit my family. But tonight I was really bored and down and decided,"What the hell, I'll play some TF2." Few rounds later I feel amazing, energized and invigorate. Some how the stress and excitement, and even the frustration and elation that comes with it is what I need. This realization will go a long way to making me a happier person.

In other news Christmas and New Years was just alright. Family broke due to my father doing stupid shit and probably losing his job. Probably for the better, maybe he could get a job where the people don't hate him, though that was pretty much his fault.

Art-wise I find myself at an odd place. I can draw a couple fan characters and characters from various other sources, but I cant seem to draw anything that I've made up. Maybe I'm being over critical, but... I think it might be that I haven't truly found a style that works for me. However at least I have been practicing, and its starting to show. I just need to think of more creative poses and scenes to do.

So how does one make friends here on this community? I know, I fail at the internet. I just never actually found out how people can make connections and conversations with random people online. *shrug*

I don't want to be a lurker anymore.

So from now on I will try to post more, comment more, and look at every piece that comes in my inbox. Hard to make friends when you're the wallflower, eh? Just need to always keep a smile and push through any negativity that shows up. Because that's life damnit.

Diet Dr. Pepper DOES taste more like regular!

In other news I find it odd that once again I have a roommate with a noisy-in-the-bed girlfriend. Sadly this time he lives in the front room making mid-night trips to the kitchen... awkward.

I feel like we often make fun of people in the furry fandom for being un-unique with their fursonas, especially foxes, wolves, dragons, etc. I know I've struggled with my desire to be unique and my desire to find a fursona that fits me. Technically I've settled on a Heartless canid(from Kingdom Hearts mythos) though that still leaves me basically a canine fursona.

I wonder if anyone else has or has had this problem?

I think that one of my room mates might be secretly furry too. That'd be interesting if he was.

My LORD I feel so sorry for everyone without proper air conditioning. I moved into my new apartment in preparation for the last year of class, and its dinky window unit doesn't reach my room. Pretty much from about 3-6 my room is uninhabitably stifling, though at least here at night it gets cool, and I have the window fan I bought on full blast all the time. Man I miss June, it rained like every day and was absolutely wonderful.

So last Thursday I fractured my ankle. Same lag as the last bike injury almost a year ago. No reason it should have happened too. I'm ridding the same damn path I've been for a month, start breaking at a turn and the bastard thing starts wobbling all over the place. I nearly stop but have to put my foot down to steady my self, and momentum somehow shifts to the right and I start hopping to try not to fall onto the asphalt, and twist the food horribly, least the hopping made me fall on a bush and so other then a few scratches, the ankle's the only damage. Of course I'm all hopped up on adrenaline and try to continue into work, walk the last 2 blocks and sign in where my boss sees that my ankle looks like there's a tennis ball in my sock. So a trip to the infirmary and a couple xrays later, I'm on my way back home with a walking boot, and later find out its fractured in a spot. Luckily I can walk on it(though not without a huge limp and some pain) but getting to work is going to be a bitch.

*sigh* I'm so getting rid of this bike. Ride it a month and it breaks your leg.

Well, at least this has given me a reason to play around with arting again.

My dumb TA neglected to tell my entire recitation that the lab we just spend a week and a half on wasn't going to be collected. We're a week behind our final projects now! AAAAAAAAHHHH. *explodes*

Although I have been sketching stuff, with this recent development along with finals 2 weeks away I probably won't be working on much art. Sucks too because I was in the groove for once. Bah.

Smile. Even if things suck or your pissed, smiling makes things better. Hell, if nothing else you can confuse the fuck out of people who are trying to piss you off.

...let geeky computer nerds like me know about 3 way sli on 9800 gx2.

6 gpus at once. Nearly [dirtywordhere]ed myself when I realized I could afford it. So can't wait for summer.

Edited for PG-ness.

Something is up with the world and people in it. Many people are suffering from depression and misfortune, far more then feel natural. I know that some of it might be from the whole economic situation, but I see a lot of this in people around me that are financially secure. My room mate, my best friend and his boy friend, people I know here, people I know at home and online, and people I only watch. It's a really strange occurrence, at least to me.

Among all this I've been feeling.... hyper and anxious. Been really active and outgoing, far more then I really am. I feel like something major is beginning to happen.

Now all of this is probably normal humanoid paranoia, though I just felt I still had to express it. If this major event does happen though, I want a record that I thought these thoughts so I don't have a major case of déjà vu.

Update: Well so interestingly about the time I was writing the above my dog back home died. So that is the start of my misfortunes this year, yay. Continuing last semesters crappiness. He was among the 3 living things I felt closest to.

Sadly... I'm not that affected by it as much as I should be. I was a little upset and angry when I heard the news, mostly because I had been telling my parents to feed him on a raised platform but they didnt listen so his stomach flipped. But now, 30 after, nothing. That's more then a little disturbingly sociopathic. Guess my sanity has slipped a little more then I realized.

Still, this is a minor event, not the major event I mentioned earlier, and I still have the gut feeling that it's on its way. Still, time will tell.

I really love some of my dreams, and I have them very frequently(sometimes multiple long ones per night that I can remember) so I guess in this I'm very lucky. In dreams you can be anything, anyone, and do anything, though for me I'm never really in control of the dream, just along for the ride. Sometimes they're grand adventures of heroism and danger, sometimes thrilling tales or mystery and suspense, rarely of a simpler, more 'naughty' theme. Very occasionally it'll be a "nightmare" but those I've found end quickly, and even then can appreciate them.

Thank you dreams for letting us experience life greater then what we are able to experience in the waking world.

So two sundays ago I crashed on my bicycle, fell off and faceplanted into a pole, and somehow broke my leg. First off lemme say fucking ow omfgpain. Made this semester incredible hard and painful. Snapped my tibia (the front big bone of shin) clean accross, strangely didnt really hurt at the time till they moved it for xrays, but that might have been shock and the fact that I was pretty sure I crushed my face in half. Anyway 6 little stitches on my cheek, which is still sore and has a bump, though it started off softball sized. Getting around in crutches sucks, is painful and exhausting, made worse by the fact that I super weight lifted that morning, so all my muscles were just screaming in pain with that and rolling around in the rocks. Anyway my uncle who retired a few months ago lives near my school and has been helping me get to and from class as well as helping with meals and stuff, so he's been a tremendous help, I wouldn't have been able to stay this semester if not for him.

Anyway, it was really tough the first week, and I actually around thursday or wednesday night(one of those) pretty much had an emotional breakdown after a pop bottle sprayed me all over in bed, to top off everything else that the injury caused. So after spending about an hour bawling in my bed and wondering if I should take all my pain meds at once just to end it, I got up showerd, and have been kinda emotionally dead ever since. Though I am on Hydromorphone, which is basically super strong morphine, 4 times stronger then heroin or so, so I may just be high. I always hated the idea of drug use but god help me I've seriously considered it with this one. Just makes life so much more bereable, and I've been much happier then I usually am.

Anyway, the break was such that I needed surgery to put a rod down the bone, so right now I have a titanium nail running the lenght of my shin holding the two halves in line, and can put light pressure on it. But the surgery went through in the knee, and was f*king excruciating for about 3 days afterwards, and I still have very little movement or control with it, though its coming back faster now. And my god, peeing in those urinal things they give you while in bed is im-freaking-possible. Had a full bladder the whole stay there till I could sit up and hang over the side of the bed. That hospital's food was great though, especially that apple pie they had, yumny.

Tonight I'm doing better I guess, have a lot of work to start doing so that I can catch up, berely know how I'm going to do it, but I'll manage I suppose. If nothing else I'll be more drive to helping me lose weight and be healthy, my arms are getting huge from the crutches(well.. maybe just toned =P).

I really want to get involved more in the community, maybe post on forums for a change, draw and post something worthwhile, I dunno.

Thanks alot any who read this, know its a long boring thing but hey, makes you realized you're not alone if you share in my experience, and makes me feel witnessed if all you do is hear it.

Yah so in an attempt to downgrade from vista my computer's XP disks miraculously formated not only my OS partition, but the whole god damn bleeping thing!!!

So anyway, lost -everything- since april of last year. So although I had alot of things on the way, no arts for a while until I sort everything out.

*sigh* I need another HDD but am out of money. A college education is worth it but god is the trip rough.

On to a good note: BRAWL IS ONLY 12 DAYS AWAY!!!!!!1!1one (lol)

So although I've produced very little in the past year, I really improved. Just looking at the difference between my last two renditions of Kasirith show me that much. Now if I can only keep myself doing all this in any sort of consistancy I might actually become, you know, good. @_@.

Lol @ me working durring saturdays. DARN YOU COLLEGE TUITION.