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Been a while...
Posted 4 years agoWell, it's been a while since I had a good old rant/ramble on here, might as well get this one over with. Things may not flow in a particular order, this is just me trying to get shit out of my system.
So since my last rant, my mental health improved, to the point where I found a partner, though sadly that was not to last. Though somethings never do.
I have found myself looking at chapters in my life, that are still open and should have been closed a long time ago, which is why I have been removing submissions. Closing them is something that needed to be done and it's taken every ounce of strength to do it.
In fact, so much strength that my mental health has relapsed, not to the degree of 2017, though it has come close, very close.
Recently I was asked what true love meant to me, an odd question by all accounts, but I did think back to my partner in 2016. He was everything, absolutely everything, I could have ever wanted in a partner. Anyways my response was as follows:
"I would look at him, and no matter how annoyed I was or upset I was, just looking at him melted all those feelings away and made me smile. When I held him in my arms, I felt whole and complete. When I kissed him, my stomach would fill with butterflies. If either of us was poorly then we would rub noses rather than a kiss, so we didn't make the other poorly. I was proud to hold his hand in public. When he wasn't there, my world wasn't complete... that's just the tip of it"
But then this person asked when the breakup happened, my response was:
"I was so lost in life, I felt like a failure to my little ones, as I couldn't even complete a family for them"
This is where I find myself at this moment, I am lost and I feel like a failure, I feel like I am letting my little ones down and there is nothing I can do to change it. I push myself harder and harder to try and make up for my failures, but I just cannot shake the feeling of failure. Every path I go down comes to a dead end and I cannot find the path I need to take.
Due to the mental health relapse, I have found myself attacking things about myself that I cannot change, namely my age. When I look on dating sites and such, I find it littered with 18, 19, 20, etc, and then I look at me, someone who is 33, for some of them I was in college when they were born. Then when they are close to my age 28+ they just don't bother talking or live stupidly far away. Yes, I am only looking within the fandom for a partner, simply because I went to try a relationship with a non-furry and... yeah that had a very very odd talk that I never want to repeat.
Shit, I have just thought, I haven't had sex in a year... pawing doesn't count. Though I think that is something that I am missing so so much, just physical contact with someone, not even for sex, just the intimacy, you know hugging, kissing, enjoying each other's company, etc.
So, where am I at with this relapse, well the hardest part has been and gone, the darkest part I managed to get through, with my guiding light. Though I am not out of the woods yet, never really will be, as the relapses will happen till I die, just it will be longer between each relapse. Though the odd part is that I am not dreaming, even nightmares are gone, so this concerns me as the last time this happened I was plagued with nightmares, for months afterwards.
I say nightmares, though more memories trying to break through, of when I tried to end it all, I do not have a full memory of what happened. It would appear that my brain locked them up, though slowly over time, they are breaking free. I fear that if I remember the whole event, I will be mentally broken beyond repair.
I guess you could wrap this up to the ramblings of a lonely old tiger, though I need to get to the bottom of my mental health relapse, so I may come back to this and expand on things.
That's all for now.
Kenai
So since my last rant, my mental health improved, to the point where I found a partner, though sadly that was not to last. Though somethings never do.
I have found myself looking at chapters in my life, that are still open and should have been closed a long time ago, which is why I have been removing submissions. Closing them is something that needed to be done and it's taken every ounce of strength to do it.
In fact, so much strength that my mental health has relapsed, not to the degree of 2017, though it has come close, very close.
Recently I was asked what true love meant to me, an odd question by all accounts, but I did think back to my partner in 2016. He was everything, absolutely everything, I could have ever wanted in a partner. Anyways my response was as follows:
"I would look at him, and no matter how annoyed I was or upset I was, just looking at him melted all those feelings away and made me smile. When I held him in my arms, I felt whole and complete. When I kissed him, my stomach would fill with butterflies. If either of us was poorly then we would rub noses rather than a kiss, so we didn't make the other poorly. I was proud to hold his hand in public. When he wasn't there, my world wasn't complete... that's just the tip of it"
But then this person asked when the breakup happened, my response was:
"I was so lost in life, I felt like a failure to my little ones, as I couldn't even complete a family for them"
This is where I find myself at this moment, I am lost and I feel like a failure, I feel like I am letting my little ones down and there is nothing I can do to change it. I push myself harder and harder to try and make up for my failures, but I just cannot shake the feeling of failure. Every path I go down comes to a dead end and I cannot find the path I need to take.
Due to the mental health relapse, I have found myself attacking things about myself that I cannot change, namely my age. When I look on dating sites and such, I find it littered with 18, 19, 20, etc, and then I look at me, someone who is 33, for some of them I was in college when they were born. Then when they are close to my age 28+ they just don't bother talking or live stupidly far away. Yes, I am only looking within the fandom for a partner, simply because I went to try a relationship with a non-furry and... yeah that had a very very odd talk that I never want to repeat.
Shit, I have just thought, I haven't had sex in a year... pawing doesn't count. Though I think that is something that I am missing so so much, just physical contact with someone, not even for sex, just the intimacy, you know hugging, kissing, enjoying each other's company, etc.
So, where am I at with this relapse, well the hardest part has been and gone, the darkest part I managed to get through, with my guiding light. Though I am not out of the woods yet, never really will be, as the relapses will happen till I die, just it will be longer between each relapse. Though the odd part is that I am not dreaming, even nightmares are gone, so this concerns me as the last time this happened I was plagued with nightmares, for months afterwards.
I say nightmares, though more memories trying to break through, of when I tried to end it all, I do not have a full memory of what happened. It would appear that my brain locked them up, though slowly over time, they are breaking free. I fear that if I remember the whole event, I will be mentally broken beyond repair.
I guess you could wrap this up to the ramblings of a lonely old tiger, though I need to get to the bottom of my mental health relapse, so I may come back to this and expand on things.
That's all for now.
Kenai
Updated 100 truths
Posted 4 years ago1. Real name: David Rowell
2. Nickname(s): Dave, Kenai
3. Zodiac Sign: Aires
4. Male or female: Male
5. Elementary School: Carr Hill School
6. Middle School: N/A
7. High School: Thomas Hepburn Community School
8. College: Derwentside College
9. Hair color: Dark brown
10. Tall or Short: Tall
11. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans
12. Phone or Camera: Phone
13. Health freak: NO!!!
14. Orange or Apple: Orange
15. Do you have a crush on someone: no
16. Eat or Drink: Eating, I very very rarely drink these days
17. Piercings: Tongue and belly button
18. Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
EVER BEEN...
19. Been in an airplane: Yes
20. Been in a relationship: Yes
21. Been in a car accident: Yes
22. Been in a fist fight: No
FIRST AND LAST.......
23. First piercing: My tongue
24. First best friend(s): Not saying his name for legal reasons
26. First crush: My IT teacher
27. First word: Dadadada
29. Last person you talked to in person: my Dad
30. Last person you texted: my crush
31. Last person you watched a movie with: the mother of my kids, who happens to be an amazing friend
32. Last food you ate: sausage and mash
33. Last movie you watched: Now You See Me
34. Last song you listened to: Red XIII Theme (remake version)
35. Last thing you bought: fleshlight (like an hour ago)
36. Last person you hugged: My kids
FAVE:
37. Food: CURRY
38. Drinks: Vodka
40. Flower: White Roses
41. Animal: Felines (Mainly Tigers)
43. Movie: hmmmmmm..... I will stick with Terminator (but I don't know, too many good movies)
HAVE YOU EVER: (Put an X in the brackets if yes)
45. [X] fallen in love with someone.
46. [X] celebrated Halloween.
47. [X] had your heart broken. (Just one X or an X for every time?)
48. [X] gone over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
49. [X] had someone like me
51. [ ] got pregnant. (Well not me personally, but I am a Dad, does that count?)
52. [ ] had an abortion.
53. [X] did something I regret.
54. [X] broken a promise.
55. [X] hid a secret.
56. [X] pretended to be happy.
57. [X] met someone who changed your life.
58. [X] pretended to be sick.
59. [X] left the country.
60. [X] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
61. [X] cried over the silliest thing.
62. [ ] ran a mile.
63. [X] went to the beach with your best friend.
64. [X] got into an argument with your friends.
65. [X] hated someone.
66. [X] stayed single for 2 years.
CURRENTLY:
67. Eating: Cookies
68. Drinking: Fizzy Pop (soda to my American friends)
69. Listening: Apocalyptica - I'm Not Strong Enough
70. Sitting/Laying: Laying
71. Plans for today: at 23:11 I plan to sleep
72. Waiting for: something, as for what that something is, its something important, and its more important than something.
YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids: Already have two amazing children
74. Want to get married: Yes
75. Career: Management or Owner of my own company
OPPOSITE SEX: (my case same sex)
76. Lips or eyes: Eyes
77. Shorter or Taller: Taller (or same as me, not too fussed really)
78. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
81. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
82. Looks or personality: Personality always wins
HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes
84. Snuck out of a house: Yes
85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: No
86. Killed somebody: No
87. Broken someone's heart: Yes (it was for the best)
89. Cried when someone died: Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself: Sometimes
91. Miracles: No
92. Love at first sight: No
93. Heaven: No
94. Santa Claus: No... but my kids do, which is more magical
95. Aliens: Not Sure
96. Ghosts: Not Sure
TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: my kids
98. Do you know who your real friends are: Sometimes
99. Do you believe in God: No
100. Post as 100 truths: DONE
2. Nickname(s): Dave, Kenai
3. Zodiac Sign: Aires
4. Male or female: Male
5. Elementary School: Carr Hill School
6. Middle School: N/A
7. High School: Thomas Hepburn Community School
8. College: Derwentside College
9. Hair color: Dark brown
10. Tall or Short: Tall
11. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans
12. Phone or Camera: Phone
13. Health freak: NO!!!
14. Orange or Apple: Orange
15. Do you have a crush on someone: no
16. Eat or Drink: Eating, I very very rarely drink these days
17. Piercings: Tongue and belly button
18. Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
EVER BEEN...
19. Been in an airplane: Yes
20. Been in a relationship: Yes
21. Been in a car accident: Yes
22. Been in a fist fight: No
FIRST AND LAST.......
23. First piercing: My tongue
24. First best friend(s): Not saying his name for legal reasons
26. First crush: My IT teacher
27. First word: Dadadada
29. Last person you talked to in person: my Dad
30. Last person you texted: my crush
31. Last person you watched a movie with: the mother of my kids, who happens to be an amazing friend
32. Last food you ate: sausage and mash
33. Last movie you watched: Now You See Me
34. Last song you listened to: Red XIII Theme (remake version)
35. Last thing you bought: fleshlight (like an hour ago)
36. Last person you hugged: My kids
FAVE:
37. Food: CURRY
38. Drinks: Vodka
40. Flower: White Roses
41. Animal: Felines (Mainly Tigers)
43. Movie: hmmmmmm..... I will stick with Terminator (but I don't know, too many good movies)
HAVE YOU EVER: (Put an X in the brackets if yes)
45. [X] fallen in love with someone.
46. [X] celebrated Halloween.
47. [X] had your heart broken. (Just one X or an X for every time?)
48. [X] gone over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
49. [X] had someone like me
51. [ ] got pregnant. (Well not me personally, but I am a Dad, does that count?)
52. [ ] had an abortion.
53. [X] did something I regret.
54. [X] broken a promise.
55. [X] hid a secret.
56. [X] pretended to be happy.
57. [X] met someone who changed your life.
58. [X] pretended to be sick.
59. [X] left the country.
60. [X] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
61. [X] cried over the silliest thing.
62. [ ] ran a mile.
63. [X] went to the beach with your best friend.
64. [X] got into an argument with your friends.
65. [X] hated someone.
66. [X] stayed single for 2 years.
CURRENTLY:
67. Eating: Cookies
68. Drinking: Fizzy Pop (soda to my American friends)
69. Listening: Apocalyptica - I'm Not Strong Enough
70. Sitting/Laying: Laying
71. Plans for today: at 23:11 I plan to sleep
72. Waiting for: something, as for what that something is, its something important, and its more important than something.
YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids: Already have two amazing children
74. Want to get married: Yes
75. Career: Management or Owner of my own company
OPPOSITE SEX: (my case same sex)
76. Lips or eyes: Eyes
77. Shorter or Taller: Taller (or same as me, not too fussed really)
78. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
81. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
82. Looks or personality: Personality always wins
HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes
84. Snuck out of a house: Yes
85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: No
86. Killed somebody: No
87. Broken someone's heart: Yes (it was for the best)
89. Cried when someone died: Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself: Sometimes
91. Miracles: No
92. Love at first sight: No
93. Heaven: No
94. Santa Claus: No... but my kids do, which is more magical
95. Aliens: Not Sure
96. Ghosts: Not Sure
TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: my kids
98. Do you know who your real friends are: Sometimes
99. Do you believe in God: No
100. Post as 100 truths: DONE
Ranting tiger...
Posted 8 years agoAlmost one year... that's 365 days or 8,760 hours or 525,600... you know fuck it, who cares about the break down...
It's been almost one year since the most amazing person left my life as a partner, though we are still friends and there are no hard feelings, though the loneliness has been setting in, and is now taking hold.
It's been like a darkness coming over me, just waiting for the right time to finish consuming me and I fear that it may be close to finishing what it started.
I am having more bad days than good ones and even when the good ones happen, they are mostly short lived as anything can turn them sour.
I feel and fear my kids are starting to hate me, cause I am too strict or I tell them bad news or cause I can't be around all the time... it is a horrific pain when I have to leave them after a weekend, knowing if anything bad happens I won't be there to pick them up or help them.
I have almost given up on trying to find someone to share my life with, to help me complete my family, who I can come home to and have a great big hug from that will melt away the days stress.
I have found myself continuing to let others treat my body as their sexual playground, it feels like it's the only thing I am good at.
My job feels like it is digging my grave, each day my stress level grows, my mental health weakens and because we have hit the busy time, I can not take my holidays I am entitled too, because apparently the needs of the business are more important than the entitlement of an employee.
I have had a few nights recently where I have cried myself to sleep, why you ask... I wish I fucking knew. Then once I am asleep I am haunted and played by nightmares, things that are memories of something that happened on that day my life changed.
I have been looking at my scar recently, thinking why didn't I just finish the job, many people would be happier and certainly many people wouldn't have had their hearts broken by me...
I know people say I am a nice guy and blah blah shit shite like that, but honestly I am not, I only seem nice because society runs on this thing of be nice and reap the rewards, so I be nice and get pushed to the side, ignored, abused, raped... And for what some random person to maybe say thank you for my being nice... under the nice that you see is a darkness festering and waiting for its time again.
So here you are again, there was millions of possibilities of choices you have made up to this point and you are reading the ranting of an old tiger, a one where his depression controls most of his life...
Kenai out
It's been almost one year since the most amazing person left my life as a partner, though we are still friends and there are no hard feelings, though the loneliness has been setting in, and is now taking hold.
It's been like a darkness coming over me, just waiting for the right time to finish consuming me and I fear that it may be close to finishing what it started.
I am having more bad days than good ones and even when the good ones happen, they are mostly short lived as anything can turn them sour.
I feel and fear my kids are starting to hate me, cause I am too strict or I tell them bad news or cause I can't be around all the time... it is a horrific pain when I have to leave them after a weekend, knowing if anything bad happens I won't be there to pick them up or help them.
I have almost given up on trying to find someone to share my life with, to help me complete my family, who I can come home to and have a great big hug from that will melt away the days stress.
I have found myself continuing to let others treat my body as their sexual playground, it feels like it's the only thing I am good at.
My job feels like it is digging my grave, each day my stress level grows, my mental health weakens and because we have hit the busy time, I can not take my holidays I am entitled too, because apparently the needs of the business are more important than the entitlement of an employee.
I have had a few nights recently where I have cried myself to sleep, why you ask... I wish I fucking knew. Then once I am asleep I am haunted and played by nightmares, things that are memories of something that happened on that day my life changed.
I have been looking at my scar recently, thinking why didn't I just finish the job, many people would be happier and certainly many people wouldn't have had their hearts broken by me...
I know people say I am a nice guy and blah blah shit shite like that, but honestly I am not, I only seem nice because society runs on this thing of be nice and reap the rewards, so I be nice and get pushed to the side, ignored, abused, raped... And for what some random person to maybe say thank you for my being nice... under the nice that you see is a darkness festering and waiting for its time again.
So here you are again, there was millions of possibilities of choices you have made up to this point and you are reading the ranting of an old tiger, a one where his depression controls most of his life...
Kenai out
No one reads these...
Posted 8 years agoWell, where has the time gone...
The beginning of 2016 saw a big change in my life, and before its end, I lost the best change, the end was done in the best way possible no hard feelings and still friends.
It has been 7 months since this happened, how have I faired along the way:
I have built a stronger bond with my little ones,
I have managed to sort my life out financially,
I have maintained my job...
Though, on the flipside:
I have lost a large group of friends,
I have all but given up on my business idea, even though I had managed to design all the systems needed,
My clinical depression has been more of a problem than it used to be,
I have allowed my body to become a sexual playground,
Even though I live with family, I am constantly lonely,
The games I used to play have no interest to me,
My mental state is worsening each day... It's only a matter of time before I break...
I have often looked in the mirror thinking, who would actually fucking care if I died tomorrow, who would miss me...
Strange to think years ago I used to think how would people cope without me, but now it's more how do they cope with me, I am more of a hindrance to people just by simply breathing.
Everything in life happens for a reason, the infinite possibilities of things you can do in a single day, and you choose to do certain things, that bring you to this point now, reading the ranting of a depressed old tiger, all because things happen for a reason. For me... the reason must be toying with me, seeing how long before I break.
Kenai out.
The beginning of 2016 saw a big change in my life, and before its end, I lost the best change, the end was done in the best way possible no hard feelings and still friends.
It has been 7 months since this happened, how have I faired along the way:
I have built a stronger bond with my little ones,
I have managed to sort my life out financially,
I have maintained my job...
Though, on the flipside:
I have lost a large group of friends,
I have all but given up on my business idea, even though I had managed to design all the systems needed,
My clinical depression has been more of a problem than it used to be,
I have allowed my body to become a sexual playground,
Even though I live with family, I am constantly lonely,
The games I used to play have no interest to me,
My mental state is worsening each day... It's only a matter of time before I break...
I have often looked in the mirror thinking, who would actually fucking care if I died tomorrow, who would miss me...
Strange to think years ago I used to think how would people cope without me, but now it's more how do they cope with me, I am more of a hindrance to people just by simply breathing.
Everything in life happens for a reason, the infinite possibilities of things you can do in a single day, and you choose to do certain things, that bring you to this point now, reading the ranting of a depressed old tiger, all because things happen for a reason. For me... the reason must be toying with me, seeing how long before I break.
Kenai out.
How things change
Posted 9 years ago[EDIT] THIS IS AN OLD POST, I WILL MAKE A NEW ONE SOON [EDIT]
Hi,
Well as some of you maybe aware that the era of Kenai and Kivuli is now over.
Unfortunately the relationship had to end as things weren't working.
Fortunately it has ended on good terms meaning we are still friends.
However this means I will be making a few new changes to my life.
I am no longer going to RP.
I am going to be more family focused, meaning when I am ready to look for a mate I will be looking for family material.
I am going to try an get more tame arts, though NSFW will still happen.
That is all for now.... if I think of any more I will add them below.
Kind Regards (If you read this)
Kenai
Hi,
Well as some of you maybe aware that the era of Kenai and Kivuli is now over.
Unfortunately the relationship had to end as things weren't working.
Fortunately it has ended on good terms meaning we are still friends.
However this means I will be making a few new changes to my life.
I am no longer going to RP.
I am going to be more family focused, meaning when I am ready to look for a mate I will be looking for family material.
I am going to try an get more tame arts, though NSFW will still happen.
That is all for now.... if I think of any more I will add them below.
Kind Regards (If you read this)
Kenai
Update from previous journal
Posted 10 years agoAs some of you read my last journal you will know I was feeling really down.
Well things have changed a little.
I managed to find a new job, been there just over 2 months now, and things were great.
Could pay for things for my cubs again, didn't feel like a failure and I could do things that I wanted again.
But then a couple weeks ago something serious happened at work and the police have been involved with, a now ex-employee, meaning someone has to take his role.
I have been lumbered with most of his role meaning my workload has doubled till we find a new member of staff.
My stress level is pretty much back to being unemployed, my depression is up and down all the time, most days I just want to break down at work and worst of all I just want out of there even if it means being unemployed again.
Digits crossed we find someone soon but cause of how damn picky the directors are it's possibly going to be a while.
Again I have disabled the comments cause this is a rant to get it off my chest.
Well things have changed a little.
I managed to find a new job, been there just over 2 months now, and things were great.
Could pay for things for my cubs again, didn't feel like a failure and I could do things that I wanted again.
But then a couple weeks ago something serious happened at work and the police have been involved with, a now ex-employee, meaning someone has to take his role.
I have been lumbered with most of his role meaning my workload has doubled till we find a new member of staff.
My stress level is pretty much back to being unemployed, my depression is up and down all the time, most days I just want to break down at work and worst of all I just want out of there even if it means being unemployed again.
Digits crossed we find someone soon but cause of how damn picky the directors are it's possibly going to be a while.
Again I have disabled the comments cause this is a rant to get it off my chest.
No one reads these
Posted 10 years agoso its been just over 6 weeks since I lost my job...
since then I have relapsed on my depression...
I feel like I have let my parents down and let my mate down...
but worst of all is I feel like I have let my cubs down...
I end up hiding behind a mask showing I am happy when in reality... I feel empty, lost and alone...
some of you who might actually read this are thinking why have I post here...
2 simple reasons 1) no one really reads my journals and 2) its the only place I can release without people hounding me...
since then I have relapsed on my depression...
I feel like I have let my parents down and let my mate down...
but worst of all is I feel like I have let my cubs down...
I end up hiding behind a mask showing I am happy when in reality... I feel empty, lost and alone...
some of you who might actually read this are thinking why have I post here...
2 simple reasons 1) no one really reads my journals and 2) its the only place I can release without people hounding me...
I should be dead... apparently
Posted 12 years agoIf you have 00-10 ... write [I'm a goody-goody]
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]
HAVE YOU...
[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[x] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 10
[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 20
[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 28
[x] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[x] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD
TOTAL SO FAR: 35
[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly
[ ] dressed punk
[ ] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[x] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x] fainted
[ ] had a crush on a neighbour
TOTAL SO FAR: 41
[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush
TOTAL SO FAR: 48
[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper ( Who?? )
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[ ] skipped school
[x] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[x] lied about your age
TOTAL SO FAR: 55
[x] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[ ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed
TOTAL SO FAR: 63
[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[ ] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test
Overall : 71
well apparently 'If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]'
If you have 11-20 ... write [I'm still a goody-goody]
If you have 21-30 ... write [I'm average]
If you have 31-40 ... write [I'm a bad kid]
If you have 41-50 ... write [I'm a very bad influence]
If you have 51-60 ... write [I'm a horrible person]
If you have 61-70 ... write [I should be in jail]
If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]
If you have 81-90 ... write [I got a ticket to Hell]
HAVE YOU...
[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[x] watched porn
[x] bought porn
[x] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 10
[x] taken painkillers
[x] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[x] wished someone to die
[x] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 20
[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[] received a ticket
[] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x] been in an accident
[x] been to a club
[x] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 28
[x] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida
[x] sniffed anything
[x] wore black nail polish
[x] wore arm bands
[x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD
TOTAL SO FAR: 35
[x] dressed gothic
[x] dressed girly
[ ] dressed punk
[ ] dressed grunge
[x] stole something
[x] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x] fainted
[ ] had a crush on a neighbour
TOTAL SO FAR: 41
[x] had a crush on a friend
[x] been to a concert
[x] dry-humped someone; been dry humped
[x] been called a slut
[x] called someone a slut
[ ] installed speakers in a car
[x] broken a mirror
[x] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush
TOTAL SO FAR: 48
[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper ( Who?? )
[x] seen an R-rated movie
[x] cruised the mall
[ ] skipped school
[x] had surgery
[x] had an injury
[x] gone to court
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x] caught something on fire
[x] lied about your age
TOTAL SO FAR: 55
[x] owned/rented an apartment/house
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence
[x] made out with someone who had a GF/BF
[ ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger
[x] hugged a stranger
[x] kissed a stranger
[x] rode in the car with a stranger
[x] been harassed
[x] been verbally harassed
TOTAL SO FAR: 63
[x] met face-to-face with someone you met online
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight
[x] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair
[x] been called a bad influence
[ ] drank and drove
[ ] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x] cheated on a test
Overall : 71
well apparently 'If you have 71-80 ... write [I should be dead]'
