https://piczel.tv/watch/Kevira065
https://piczel.tv/watch/Kevira065
https://piczel.tv/watch/Kevira065

Quick PSA: I'm super uber duper sick, so whatever commission/art I had in the works is on hold until my fever goes down and I don't feel like a very painful jello ^^

https://piczel.tv/watch/Kevira065
https://piczel.tv/watch/Kevira065
https://piczel.tv/watch/Kevira065

So, I hate to have to do this again, but I found out this past week that I'm behind on more medical bills than I knew, and taxes are still kicking me in the butt. PLEASE ONLY DONATE IF YOU CAN, and WHAT you can. We're all in it, so I fully understand if you're not able to help me in this situation.

HERE'S THE LINK IF YOU CAN/WANT TO DONATE, it would really mean the world if you could help.

Remember to leave your coordinates and your request so I can sketch your reward!

THE GOFUNDME HAS BEEN CLOSED DUE TO THE GOAL HAVING BEEN REACHED!! THANK YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH!!!!

---

Alright, time for a more general in depth update on stuff.

Remember two months ago when I said that I was finding a more or less stability? Well, the universe heard me and decided I'd been having it too easy. I mean, I do have good news too, one thing at a time.

I'm still awaiting the fated decision from the disability benefits, but one thing's for certain: I'm being denied the wheelchair coverage because the rheumatologist I'm seeing, who is responsible for the final decision on the matter, was against it. Seems like my pain is stress caused, and I'm "too afraid to walk", so I'm relying too much on the wheelchair. Obviously being constantly on the verge of debt isn't doing me any favours when it comes to stress, but what do I know. But yeah, seems like I'll be living with these pains chronically, and for now, I'm not getting any help from the doctors.

Before you tell me to look for a different rheumatologist, there's a 1 year wait list to get the first appointment if I see a new one, and then I'd have to find one that would have all the connections to the physiotherapy and all that the current one, that is connected to the hospital, would have. I've tried applying several times to a specialised clinic that would do a full 360 analysis of my issues, but insurance rejected it twice now because I'm "too young to have these issues". So yeah, I'm kind of out of energy to keep this up.

The positive side of this, is that I've finally bit the bullet and I've gotten myself my own, personal electric wheelchair with help from my parents. It's even foldable, which helps a lot with space management in my small flat. It's nowhere near as powerful as the rental one, but at least I have one that is mine and I don't have to pay 200chf every month.

Another thing is my wrists. I saw the hand surgeon, and she said pretty much the same thing as everyone else so far: my wrists have the unfortunate quirk of being too thin, so the ligaments are put under more pressure than they would be on a "normal" sized one, meaning that in the long run my wrists will always hurt. The only thing I can really do is do local injections of anti-inflammation medication, and hope that it sticks long enough between one session and the other. That is, if it even works to begin with.

I might have bad news about my job too, but that's still entirely speculation for now. So, I'll try my darndest not to think about it.

I've been fighting the constant urge to get a bigger space to live in by completely overhauling my apartment this past week. Maybe in a slightly manic episode, but hey, I feel like I've managed to organise the space much better this time around. I also got a fucking INSANE donation of a whole ass new computer (with old parts, but still!!!) from a friend, so while I'm still using my old laptop, I have a whole new tower computer to futz with. I'll eventually set up a weekend to migrate all my info and backups to the new device, but yeah. I'm still baffled and amazed at the generosity.

Thank you for all of you that stick around, honestly. I feel like I'm constantly on an emotional rollercoaster that drags me up to the highest joys, from you lovely people, from community, from my art, down to the lowest lows where I can't seem to justify my existence. This tiger I'm riding is putting up a fight, but I'm fighting even harder. I want to believe there is peace for me to be found somewhere.

I sincerely hope you can find joy in the little moments and gratitude in everyday existence.
I'll write another journal at some point, maybe the summer will bring some positive fruits ^^

My god I can never seem to catch a break, can I?

If you want me to skip straight to the juice, you can find the YCH here, any help would mean the world to me right now:

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60841479/

For all the others that would like to read a little update on my current situation, well, I'm afraid to report that nothing really positive is happening at the moment, other than an upcoming group exhibit.

I'm realising more and more that I've sort of come to terms with the fact that my family doesn't see me the way I see myself, how I live my life. They just see someone who used to follow a social script that they expect me to still follow, while I don't feel like I can fit back into that mold now that I know truly who I am and want to be.

I also had a couple of trips to the hospital in the past few days because I had blood in my urine. Turns out it was just a really bad UTI, but I had a fever as a result, and the antibiotics made me quite exhausted.

I've given up on trying to chase after the potential of affection from dating apps. The people who seemed to be giving me something ended up not being available, and some others just see me as a hole. I'm not looking for any of that, so I'll just have to fly solo, with my broken ass wings.

I find myself wondering what's the point of even going through all this when I'm getting very little in return. Art hurts, my body hurts, I feel weak, tired, alienated, isolated. Even something relatively trivial like losing my keys is putting me in debt, because I barely scrape by at the end of the month, and anything I do to preserve any modicum of mental sanity, like visiting my friends that live far away, is there to bite me in the ass.

I genuinely don't know what I've done to deserve this, or what I can even do to just convince myself that there's something waiting for me at the end of the storm. I see nothing but the faintest glow of what could be a ray of sunshine, but it closes up to me the moment I get there, or it's so fleeting that it serves only to remind me how harsh the rest of the storm ahead is.

Maybe I just need some sleep, maybe I need some godly apparition to tell me it'll be alright and that I'm meant to be here. I can start with the first.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck around so far, I'm not going to vanish tonight, I'm too apathetic for that, and too worried for dumb ass shit like wondering who would take care of my snails in my absence.

Sorry for the sob story. Shit's worse somewhere else, first world problems and all that.

Hi there folks, it's been a while since I've written one of these. How are you all doing?

On my end things are entering a sort of stability, with community settling in around me, and my job having a relatively relaxed pace. I'm still waiting for The Big Answer TM from the disability benefits, two actually: one for my wheelchair coverage, and the other to know if I get any disability benefits at all. I'm relieved to have a motorised wheelchair, even if it's something I'm paying out of pocket and it's not super cheap. The provider I found now is actually much better than the previous one.

I just thought I'd give you a head's up that right now my wrists are severely inflamed and hurt a lot, so I'm barely drawing and what little drawing I do hurts a lot, thus the output overall is going to be very slow. I've gotten confirmation at least that I'll be seeing a specialist next month, which means that things will move forward on that end (yippee?), and a potential surgery is on the line. I'll keep you posted on that when the time comes, because that'll mean a big break will be due ^^ But yeah, wrists be doing a very big hurt, so even typing this kinda sucks for my hands.

Since getting a little more time and energy from the relative stability, I've been able to set up my place more to allow for my art and other hobbies (and better organisation for the snails too!) so my goal is to start drawing more comics, eventually. Animations too ideally, but comics are a good starting point. I keep having way too many ideas and so many different google docs just brimming with ideas that I'm really excited to share with you all!

The snails are doing excellent, for those wondering :3

That about sums it up for this update, I wish you as much of a pleasant time you can have, take care!

-K065

It's been longer than I thought, folks.

I've already posted something on my supporter platforms, since I really needed to tell the lovely people why I was not being as consistent with uploads, but it's about time I informed the general audience on what the fuck is even happening. I was hoping to get some stuff in order first, however it's taking longer than expected, so just expect another update sooner or later I guess.

I'm not afraid to say that lately I've been trying to navigate one of my worst depressive episodes in a long while, where I've been genuinely planning to remove myself from this planet to just stop feeling all this pain. I'm glad that I've lived with depression long enough to know how to circumvent these thoughts, but it's not easy. I owe it to my supporters, to my snails, and to my students to keep living.

This particular downwards spiral has been caused by a whole series events: first, the processing of the grief that a lot of people in my life put way less effort into seeing me than I do for them, mostly when it comes to family. All my closest friends live the farthest, and the people who live the closest have the most superficial relationships with me, so I know it's a work in progress, but sometimes the nagging voice of cynicism tells me that no one would miss me if I disappeared. I know it's untrue, it's tempting to believe it in my worst moments though.

The second major event, was having my wheelchair taken away from me. I had been renting a wheelchair since March 2024 to see if I could live a better life with the support of a motorised wheelchair, but after an accident I had where I fell off a cliff back in April 2024, I found myself fighting a legal battle between the damage insurance that didn't want to cover enough for the value of the damaged wheelchair, and the rental company that was trying to scam me into buying a whole new wheelchair for them instead of paying for just the value of the wheelchair in its current state. It took me months, but I finally got that sorted out by the end of the year, but as part of the deal, I was to give back the replacement rental by the end of the year as well. Their official excuse was that they wanted to neatly have all the accounts in order, but I think it was just a petty move on their part. Either way, this means that I have been without a wheelchair for a while, and my joint pains have only gotten worse as a result.

To top it all off, I got the decision from the disability benefit state agency that they will not cover for the cost of a wheelchair for me, because according to their doctors, my diagnosis of periarthritis is not enough to justify the need for a wheelchair, even with all the medical records showing that I've been using the wheelchair for almost a year. When I got the news, where I'd usually feel the righteous anger of injustice, I just felt... empty. Like all my anger had just ran dry, after months and months of paperwork, all for this superficial evaluation. All I felt was dejection, but after a week now I feel only better enough to hope for a solution once I see my doctor on Monday to prepare an appeal letter together. That being said, I still don't have a wheelchair yet, but I'm talking with another rental company in the meantime, so I will be able to get help either way, even if it'll cost me a bit of money. I can just afford it, and it's worth every penny, more than ever.

If the appeal letter doesn't work, I already have a contingency plan. I found that there are several second hand motorised wheelchairs on the market that I could get for relatively cheap. We're still talking in the thousands, but if I play my cards right (aka save up enough money) I would be able to afford one and have my problems solved. That is, of course, only if the appeal still results in in a rejection by the disability agency.

Another whammy is that apparently the reason why my pains don't pass, despite all the treatments I've tried, is that I'm too stressed and anxious for things to heal (wow, who would have thought that teetering on the edge of poverty and precariousness would make one feel like that????), so when I saw the rheumatologist to discuss how to proceed, they suggested a treatment that is basically a retreat of a couple of weeks to have a full immersion physiotherapy with psychiatric aid. I was like, sure, at this point, I'm open to anything. I got a call the same day saying that the clinic immediately refused to take me in because I'm too young so I can't get the treatment. Sorry folks, guess I'm cured now! So yeah that just made me feel even worse.

I write this from a place where I don't seek advice; I'm already seeing mental health professionals, and have for a while, so I know why I feel the way I do and how to divert the bad thoughts, or at least drown them out for long enough between one appointment and the next. I know this too shall pass. I just hope more sooner than later.

I wish you all the best, please take care out there, especially in these trying times.
-K065

This is basically just a vent, so I apologise in advance. Feel free to skip ahead or ignore this ^^ TL;DR: I'm sad I can't draw because I'm disabled. And horni. I think I'm just experiencing burnout all over again.

It sounds so very privileged to return from a week long vacation in another country only to complain about my daily life, but here we are. As a preamble, I need to state how much I consider myself incredibly lucky overall. I have good healthcare, I have a nice apartment, I have my beloved pet snails, and above all, I have you lovely people who love and support me and my work.

Some days are just not as good as others. I've been needing to go to almost daily medical visits for the past couple of months, and that has been slowly eroding at my mental and physical state, especially due to the time commitment and the trips to get to the different locations. It doesn't help knowing that in some respects the situation is not going to get any better, making this all kind of demotivating. I'd like to say that I still keep fighting, but honestly I feel more and more that I'm just going through the motions, inertia carrying me on to the next step.

It doesn't help that I'm finding it more and more difficult to draw due to the constant pain my wrists are in. Drawing has always been my biggest outlet, ever since I could hold a pencil. It helps me decompress, express myself while also keeping my mind busy enough to avoid my clinical depression and anxiety taking the best of me. Being that I love drawing, I still push through most days, but I end up having to set priorities between what I can, what I MUST and what I want to do. Sometimes I find myself compulsively drawing, and I churn out stuff that I don't even really like, but the stress commands me to draw and draw, no matter the state of my wrists, or even the house tbh. I've been sleeping like shit in anticipation for the next day, but also staying up late just to finish that one picture, because I feel like I'll never have time to do it later, so I end up just making my sleep worse and worse, and I'm just a shambling sleep deprived mess on day 5, until I shower and I sort of reset.

And this is also where the loneliness comes in. Again, I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat by saying this, at the same time, I can't help feeling the way I do. I really miss having companionship, even though all my relationships so far have just ended up with me distancing the other person. I don't even know what that word means for me, but I think of wanting to share experiences with someone, feel intimate with them, have us share the burdens and joys, but I even struggle finding that in friends, let alone a potential lover. I don't know if I'm being too guarded, or if I just don't have friends close enough for me to have that kind of dynamic split between people, but I just don't have anyone in my life where I feel close enough to even just ask to go on a trip together, or to cuddle.

Cuddling is probably the thing I struggle with the most. I've been able to have some short but sweet encounters, but getting laid is just a short lived dopamine rush that feels like getting a hit before the relapse into desperate withdrawal. It's not even like there's any tenderness from it most times, it's just the physical connection of feeling another body inside and around me, protecting me for but a short while. I miss being able to share experiences with someone, just lay in bed cozily in the early hours, but at the same time I know that considering my track record, I'd only go on to despise it in the long run. It's ironic, isn't it? Craving company yet hating being in a relationship. I do wonder if it's because of the dynamics I've had so far, where I always inevitably ended up taking a lead role, of a protector, of the one responsible for the running of the machine, while now I just want to feel protected and have someone I can rely on.

I'm starting to realise that I never really had that emotional support from my family either, since I was sort of forced into being the "model" child, so I've always ended up being the one taking care of myself and my needs. I'm going through that sort of grief, of putting more distance between these people who don't even make the effort to see me, to understand me, to build any type of bridge, and of course I have both a therapist and a psychiatrist to discuss with about all this, however I feel slightly haunted by this realisation.

I do hope having someone I can truly rely on is in the cards for me, it's too early to tell of course, but sometimes I feel like my health will get the best of me before I ever get to that point. Being disabled also realistically makes lot of people less interested, and that's just generally a bummer.

Idk, it's a weird time in my life. I'm still struggling with money, barely staying afloat, and yet I needed a respite from life and could take it, only to be chucked back into the daily grind like nothing happened. It's a sort of transitional period that makes me feel like it'll never end, like stability is just barely out of reach all the time. I just try to count my blessings for being fortunate enough to have the help I need and try to keep moving on, hoping to find a better day tomorrow.

I hope you can come along with me on this weird bumpy road. Thank you immensely for all of you who stick around through thick and thin ^^

Sharing the text here of my latest supporter post because there's some general life updates I'd like to share uwu:

I swear I'm actually trying to finish some of these haha I'm going to be working on some satyr-centric work for a bit, since I have done a bit of a mixed bag of centaurs and stuff ^^

In a relatively good news, I finally finished work on the old apartment, so now I'm only paying one rent! I'm chugging through the animation project as much as I humanly can so that I can get that out of the way as quickly as possible, I really want this out of my way by the end of the month.

Also also, I'm going for a week to the UK, going to visit where I grew up for the first time as an adult! I'm really excited, since it's going to be a very laid back holiday that will allow me to just relax and draw, and just take a much needed break from reality and drama.

Hope to see y'all in tomorrow's stream!!

From my post on my support platforms. There's art to accompany it, but I thought I'd share the text here with you all:

it my birfday. Just thought I'd draw something for today, and it just came to me to draw something more vulnerable, more close to life (with my tattoos, my real little belly chub, and my actual top surgery scars), because today really gives me a chance to reflect of just how lucky I am to be here. I'm honoured that I have all you lovely folks that support me, and have helped me get through what has been, up until now, a very difficult year. Things had already started hitting the fan last year, and a lot has happened between last 3rd of August and this one.

For those who don't know, I've gone through major discoveries in disability, aka finding out that I am in fact disabled. I have a chronic condition with my wrists that has finally been officially diagnosed and means that I just can't fix, and that means that my professional options have slimmed drastically.

Also I have started relying on a wheelchair to get around sometimes because my hips are hurting and the reason still isn't clear. It's a work in progress, but at least I have what I need to get by.

I also got divorced and moved into a new apartment, that I'm finally able to call home. It doesn't feel temporary, or just like this isn't me, and despite it being a real struggle to get, I am there, and I am rebuilding my life kind of from the bottom up.

And I'm glad that you have all been here despite it all. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

An update for you all. First of all thank you all so so much for your generosity, I'm truly at a loss for words for how kind you all are! My parents are now more financially stable, between paperwork and all, and for this month can help me out. This fundraiser has been fundamental to keep me afloat in an emergency like this one, so thank you thank you thank you! I will probably close it shortly, as it seems unfair to keep asking for money when the situation is slowly changing for the better.

Take care y'all, and cheers, you're all the best!
-K065

Hello folks,

I hate having to do this, but despite everything, this month is absolutely fucking me over financially, so I have set up A GO FUND ME for these month's expenses. Having been refused left and right from social aids and receiving consistent bills, and being absolutely terrified of getting into debt, I have exhausted all options, so here we are.

In the description I provide more info, but I am offering a free sketch for everyone who can pledge. AND OF COURSE ONLY PLEDGE IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT!!! I don't want you to struggle financially as well, because it's not okay.

Take care, I'm at honestly at the end of my rope here,
-K065

Hello again folks!

I come with more or less good news this time! A nice change of pace for once haha
Anyway, I mostly wanted to tell y'all that I've just moved into my new apartment, that is accessible and all and incredibly cozy. After everything leading up to it, I'm very glad to finally settle in. I still have a lot of work to do in the old apartment and in this new one, but I'll see how finances will be treating me this month.

A semi-positive news is that I finally have a definitive answer on what's up with my wrists. Spoiler alert, it's not good, but I'm glad that I have a final say and thus now know how to move around it and live with it.
Basically, my wrists are and will be chronically fucked. After seeing a frankly stupid amount of doctors trying to fix my wrists, the consensus from the specialists is that due to the hypermobility of my very thin wrists, the tendons and ligaments are more prone to consumption and inflammation, which means that I cannot put too much strain on them. There is no operation, no cure, no nothing that can be done about shitty ligaments, I can only try and take things at my own pace knowing my own limitations.

What does this mean for my art? Nothing really, I'll still be drawing to my heart's content, just some days are rougher than others, just like it always has been, and now I know for certain will continue to be. At least having a wheelchair is helping me get around without using a cane/crutches that hurt my wrists.

All this just means that I won't be eligible for a vast majority of jobs in the classic work field, which means that the disability paperwork journey continues. I know I'll be seeing a guy to assess my case this week anyway, so we'll see how that goes.

I'm glad I can count on all you lovely supportive folks to get by, but sadly Switzerland is expensive and I do still need a classic job to make ends meet. I'm thankful for my job as an English teacher, which does provide me with part of what I'd need, but it's only a part-time job, also due in part to my health condition. The rest of it so far is coming from unemployment, until the disability offices can decide on what to do with me. 'Tis a complicated situation, but at least things are heading in the right direction. I hope haha

TL;DR: I moved into my new apartment so I don't have to strain as much, and I found out my wrists are perma-busted, but that's not gonna stop me from drawing.

Anyway, take care out there, I hope to be back soon with more art as soon as my wrists stop hurting from the move and all that ^^

-K065

Hello again folks,

I haven't updated y'all in a while, so here goes.
I wish I could come back with better news, but alas not much has changed, I'm just in a huge amount of stress and pain at the moment, and it might take me a while to adjust from it.

I'm really struggling with the bureaucracy fight because social aids decided that I'm actually earning enough money to not need help. Which is fine and dandy, if only I were receiving the money from the unemployment services, that still haven't gotten my payment through from May. It should arrive soon, but only because of my constant prodding and poking and generally being a nuisance.

The moving is also not going as planned, because of the social aids pulling out last second, all the moving fees are suddenly thrust upon me, so is the deposit and all that, so I'm scrambling to get the paperwork done in order to get this shit done and over with, but it seems my urgency falls on deaf ears. Either way, at the very least, I have something to look forward to in the end. A place that I can call home where I don't have to worry whether I can go back up the stairs or not.

The cherry on top of all this shit show is me having almost debilitating laryngitis, which means that I've been spending most nights waking up because I'm almost choking, and the day isn't much different. Don't worry, I'm already on my way to getting better and I got all my meds in order, but the timing was possibly one of the worst. Makes sense though, being so stressed out has just made my body a huge neon sign for any possible disease haha

This has not curbed my drive to draw. Quite the opposite, I'm just mildly frustrated because I don't have time nor energy a lot of the time, but drawing is, always has, and continues to be my reason to live, so for all you lovely people out there appreciating my art, supporting my art, and lending an ear from time to time to my silly ramblings, I love you all so much and I thank you deeply for making this possible.

I'm grateful to be in a position where I don't need to start a gofundme or anything for my current situation, not yet at least. You guys are already giving me so much, and there are much worthier causes out there that need money more than I do. It's just a shit situation that'll eventually end, but for the time being, we're in it.

So I guess this is it for this month's update, I really hope I will get back to you with better news soon enough.
Take care out there, and I hope you stay safe

-k065

Hello folks, sorry for the weird message, I just have to update you on something. Before I start, I'm okay, I just need time to recuperate because I'm kinda shaken.

Basically I fell off a cliff yesterday, strapped to my 150kg motorised wheelchair. During the day I had gone up this mountain along the paved road for a festival where I was performing as a merman. At the end of it all, I was going down the road I came back from, and in letting pass the little train that brought people to and fro the fair, I overestimated how much ground I had under me, and before I knew it I was tumbling down the mountain side.

I fell for about 15m according to the police, and was "saved" by a tree trunk slamming me right in the ribcage. I called the ambulance that then had to call the fire fighters/mountaineers to get a crane for my wheelchair so that I wasn't trapped into it between that and the tree trunk that stopped my fall.

I'm lucky, insanely lucky that I didn't break anything, and the wheelchair itself is also still functional, if not a little roughed up. I am just kind of still shell shocked that I'm still alive to begin with.

Sorry for being just so sort of candid with you here, I just thought I'd let you all know because I'm just kinda going through it right now ^^

I am currently back home, I'm safe and sound and just taking it easy, I have meds and all to keep me going, so yeah, this is just an update post ^^

Heyo folks
Just a little update that I don't know if any of you have noticed: I removed all Percy and Co. content, because I'm trying my best to keep the Kevira065 type of content kind of disconnected to the type I might post in my official portfolio and Instagram.

Hope y'all can understand, there are other avenues you can find the more mainstream adjacent content haha

Hey folks,
it's been a while since I've given any updates on my health and general situation. I've mostly been procrastinating on it due to me waiting for results of different paperwork routes that need answers, and there's currently 4 of them in the works, so, yeah. Kinda hard to give a proper update when I'm waiting on 4 different answers haha

All I can tell you as of now is that my health condition is stable, as in I am starting to understand my pains more and knowing how to work around them. That being said, I have been using a power wheelchair for the past 3 weeks, and it's been helping me a great deal to rest my legs from time to time and still get my stuff done. Ironically I can walk much better by having that to fall back upon, who would have thought?? (This last sentence is to be read very sarcastically).

I've been mostly battling with the folks at the hospital because they've basically gaslit me into thinking I don't have any issues despite me crawling to the ER to them because I was in so much pain lmao. Fuck them morons. But at the same time, these morons are assessing my case, so I'll have no ulterior update from them before the 26th of April, so in a month. Ugh.

In the meantime I'm working out to see if I can get any social aids, because my part time job as a teacher and my current state of disability are not making me earn a lot of money, so there's those other three different paperwork things.

Another 5th paperwork thing that I'm still waiting on is the lease of a new, more accessible flat, since as of now I live in an old apartment with no lift, on the 5th floor. Which is not exactly great for my current condition haha. I sent all the documents, I'm just waiting on an answer on their part, which hopefully will happen soon.

So overall just a lot of waiting and really trying to stay sane. Stuff's getting a little overwhelming at times, but as I've seen often online, I wish to continue out of spite, and out of love for all you lovely people who follow along my journey.

Cheers, take care,
-K065

Hello everyone,

As promised on my Telegram channel, I have an ulterior health update. I was hoping for something more positive, as I finally had a rheumatologist check up at the hospital yesterday, but it ended up being quite fruitless.

So far, my ability to walk has been increasingly worsening, to the extent that I can't walk for more than 10 minutes before being in pain. I went to the ER in hopes that they would give me a wheelchair to rent for the time being, because this current situation is unsustainable, but all they said is that I just have to hold on and keep trying. Which is frustrating, because that's what I've been doing so far, and I feel like I'm being gaslit by medical professionals about my situation. I have a next check up in a month, and I'll probably try to take some sort of action before then, because I just can't get around or do anything in my current situation.

As of now, so much has happened around family matters, that I just have enough energy to go out for my administrative stuff and my job as an English teacher. I have very limited amounts of energy, and I'm trying to focus them on my supporters, since they are the ones who have committed a monthly fee to support my art, which I am eternally grateful for, thus I feel they take priority. I am frustrated that I'm not getting the help that I need in order to be able to also work on the commissions I owe a lot of you lovely peeps, I think it's unfair that A lot of you have been and are waiting for a long time, and I wish I could just not feel any wrist pain and be good.

I'll be moving out of my current apartment soon too, since that is one of the factors that is majorly affecting my disability, as it is on the 4th floor in a building with no lift (it's from the 1890s, so even adding one would be arduous), so I found a temporary room to rent that is more accessible. Not cheap, but it's all I can really do for now to make my life even a smidge easier.

I'm sorry I keep asking patience of you, I fully understand if your patience is running thin. I wish I could give you all better updates. I thank everyone who is understanding and is sticking with me despite all this shitshow going down.

Take care, I wish you all some peace,

-K065

Hello again folks. I have some somewhat good news for you, but of course there is the bad to get out of the way first.
I had a whole physiotherapy session dedicated to explaining my situation. Basically, it turns out I am chronically disabled. The hypermobility thing means that there is no real betterment in sight for me, only potentially reducing the current inflammation and trying to find ways to avoid movements/pressure on the hypermobile joints, as to avoid pain and inflammation again. But there is no operation or treatment so far to fix this hypermobility, I just have to hope that my ligaments hold for as long as possible haha

I still haven't had any luck getting any mobility help. I ended up stopping with the crutches because they made my arms hurt like crazy, and it was arguably worse for my legs, so I'm back with a walking stick, even though that's not good for my wrists. I have been pestering the hospital to visit me but they're taking their time, so I'm busy pestering them with phone calls and stuff.
The same applies for the other insurances and government entities that still haven't decide how much and when to give me aid, so basically I'm at the very end of my savings and really being a pain in the ass to these people.

On a lighter note, I will hopefully soon be getting a social assistant, who will do the pestering for me. The people at the psychiatric centre seem to be the only ones actually giving me any help/hope to find an actual solution, at least regarding my health and stability.
For now I'm still seeing the physiotherapists and trying different things to see what works.
On another note, I managed to land a mini job as an English teacher, which has been bringing me much joy. I only recently started, at the beginning of February, but it already gives me such satisfaction to see the students learn and talk with me, and I feel that i have a place in this economy other than trying to draw despite my pain.

The only missing piece currently in my life is a stable place to stay. As the money situation isn't getting solved, I'm still stuck living with my parents and going back and forth for 5 hours per trip to do stuff, which isn't ideal. But, slowly but surely, things are getting on track to stability. I'm trying my hardest to find the energy and time to draw, for you, for supporters, even just for myself, but having to keep up with all these people that just don't seem to be doing their job is frankly exhausting, and that's even without my disability.

I hope you can understand the situation and be patient with me, I'm mad at myself that I can't even bring myself to do one of my favorite things to do, which is drawing, and it upsets me that I have people supporting me and I'm not able to provide content for them. I really hope that things will settle soon enough, but at the very least, my complicated living situation will supposedly be solved in June, as I'll go back to living solo. This is my light at the end of the tunnel, and I think the final piece to this complex puzzle to find a form of stability in this currently very messy situation.

Sorry for the uber long message, I really want to be transparent with you folks as much as possible. I wish you all some serene times, even just a restful moment.

Take care, I love you all
-K065

Hey there everyone,
A little more updates for what's going on on my side of things.

My health isn't improving but at least it doesn't seem to be worsening too much. My wrists are the main issue, as nothing seems to be effective for them, and it has come to the point where I'll be in touch with the hospital soonish to get myself a motorised wheelchair.

I have a lot going on right now between medical visits and physical therapy, but since I managed to sort out a bit of paperwork at least I won't be completely broke for a while, since I'll be getting the money I was owed for November, December and January.

I am trying to fall into a sustainable rhythm since I still have commissions to do and pics for all of you lovely supporters to enjoy, other than my own personal projects that I want to share eventually ^^

For now this is all, I'll make sure to provide another update as soon as possible, take care!

Hello again everyone.

As my current situation keeps changing I'll keep posting relatively regular journals to keep all of you lovely people updated on my situation, both because I feel like I owe you explanations on why commission waiting times get longer and why the posting rhythm might slow down even more on my supporter platforms.

My health situation is not getting any better, and there is still no clear diagnosis in sight. The treatment that is supposed to help me is basically ineffective, so right now I'm spending the end of the year quite severely disabled. Walking is extremely painful for me so I have to reduce it to a minimum with the help of some old-school under-armpit crutches (though I've been fighting to get a wheelchair since my joints make it hard for me to use crutches, I think I'm not at that point yet probably due to insurance costs and all that bs), and drawing is really draining for me so I am sadly also having to limit that drastically.

Most days I can just bring myself to do the paperwork I need to guarantee support from the state and some mild progress on projects.

I have no idea how long this will last and how it will evolve/devolve, since I was promised results that I have yet to see.

For those who want to know the nitty gritty, basically the current working diagnosis is articular hypermobility (my general practitioner even suggested Ehler Danlos' syndrome) with high levels of inflammation specifically in hips and wrists. I've been doing 3 sessions of shock wave therapy on my wrists so far, with no progress, and I've had one platelet/rich plasma (PRP) injection in my hips, that has only made my pains worse. Currently hooked up on codeine, and I'm not super happy about it. I am very wary of medication with addictive active principles, so I try to keep my intake to a minimum, resulting however in me mildly suffering throughout most of the day though. I much prefer being in a bit of pain and somewhat getting some things done rather than in a comatose drugged up state all day.

Under the holidays all my doctors will be away, so for now I'll be like this until the beginning of next year. Fingers crossed that the paperwork finally gets completed next year and that I'll be able to see any sort of improvement in any way shape or form.

Thank you all for reading this, I hope you're having a better time in this weird time of year, and are taking care. Stay safe, I wish you all a cozy time of relaxation and recuperation.

Love you all,
-K065

Hey folks,
After much consideration and a first comment from a disgruntled watcher about my gallery being mostly patreon/subscribestar ads, I decided to keep the reminders to only once a month.

I personally also have been a bit upset at flooding my gallery of reminders, I'm excited to share with you all the art that is coming up after the 6 months have expired for each piece!

That being said, I immensely appreciate everyone who can and does support me, especially now in this particularly trying time for me, between incredibly debilitating health problems and annoying bureaucracy.

Thank you everyone for all the love and support, stay tuned for a little christmas surprise!

Hey there everyone, I just wanted to write down clearly for everyone what my current situation is, since I’m a bit slow on the updates and have been missing some of my personal deadlines, specifically with Patreon/SubscribeStar that I know I only put them on myself, but I strive to provide quality service for the lovely people that so kindly support me and my art.

These past months have been incredibly taxing on me, both mentally and physically. I have started having joint pains and issues that despite treatment do not seem to get better, and that has gone to impact my mood a lot, because it hurts for me to sit, to lay down, to walk, to also draw most of the time.

In conjunction to this, I had already told you lovely folks that I was going to quit my main job. That has been very messily done, because after a depressive crisis I basically ended up extending my planned vacation into sick leave for the last days I had contractually to do at that office.

This means that I am currently going through the hostile bureaucracy to see if I have any right to any compensation, which in theory I should have, but since I declared my status as an artist they decided to examine my case and thus delay any benefits I might have any right to.

This is not a call for you to subscribe to my platforms, as grateful as I would be. I am merely explaining why I am currently very absent, since I’m fighting to stay afloat while also going through severe health issues.

The depression has been a life long issue that has only been exacerbated by my current circumstances, with a relatively messy break up in the middle to top it all off.

So basically the gist of this is that A Lot™ is happening to me at the moment, so commissions are going to be slower than I’d like, and so are subscriber posts.

I am staying with my parents to sort of stabilise at least mentally, and that in theory should allow me more time to dedicate to arts, pain permitting of course. I thought it was fair to let you all in the situation, I trust y’all understand, and I am infinitely grateful to have you around, I truly have no words to describe how proud you make me and how much your support has helped me, even just as a reason to keep going and not give up on life.

If you have any questions or comments, please don’t be afraid to ask, I’m happy to talk to all of you, energy permitting of course. Thank you for reading all this, and I hope you take care and stay safe.

All the best,
- K065

P.S. For those who have read the previous journal, I'm happy to report all the snails are doing well. They're currently far from me, since I am not at home, but depending on whatever happens next I should be reunited within the near future ^^