Life, is getting better! Finally have a job, and finally have bills caught up! So, I know I did them last year and as a line from my favorite series, "Winter is coming." ...that means cold! So...I am doing some more yarn commissions....arm warmers or perhaps you want a nice throw blanket, or a full sized blanket! I will make it if the yarn of course is provided!

Old journal from 8 months ago! Still has updated stuff...also in my gallery are pictures of some of my work!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4134523/

I know I have disappeared for awhile, and I know that I haven't been active or posted any commissions of my yarn work. I have orders in my back log, because I am dealing with a lot of RL bullshit. My roommate left me cutting off the lease early, and then my medical condition has gotten worse. I got fired from my job thanks to this medical condition, and yes I tried to sue....you can't sue wal-mart....my lawyer tried to fight for me, but since they covered their bases by putting my on "medical" leave while looking for a sutable position...I have no case. So, Rent is due...and if I can't pay it....I am homeless. I have ran out of couches to sleep on, because I have no money for bus tickets anymore...and I don't WANT to leave. I have had this place for almost a year! So, I am here to ask...if there is anything you can do to help a Wisconsin fur...please PLEASE donate, or if you want something made for Christmas or just because. Please commission me. I can crochet pretty much anything...I made a journal on it. I will link it below.

Thanks for following me! I hope to make you all lots of things in the future!

sailorplutofan01[at]gmail.com ...that is my Paypal....if you can donate, thanks!


http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4134523/ Crochet commission info!

So, you guys have to go over and check this out!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4402883/

Sexy kitty offering free art! <3!

So,
I know how to knite and crochet....and I love to make things with yarn, being constructive with my hands. So, I have decided that if I get enough people...I will make things! I only know a couple of patterns, by heart...which include the following...

Blanket/Throw
Arm Warmers
Hand Warmers (Don't go all the way up the arms)
Scarves
Basic Hats

As I get more and more into my work, the more I will learn other patterns. I didn't learn the traditional way, I learned by watching others, so patterns are still new to me!

So, if anyone is interested...I get my yarn from this site!

Maybe start of with one or two orders...see if they will get off the ground...even if I just get one order.

Guys, you gotta check out this raffle going on!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4083655/

So,
I know a fur, that apparently I didn't know. I played Pathfinders with, @ SEMO. So, if you know of any fur that plays Pathfinder Society, at SEMO, or if you are on my Watch list. Just trying to find you, otherwise I know where you work I can just come bug you for your info then.

Strange, I never knew you were a fur tell now, would have been awesome to know another fur in Southeast Missouri...trapped like me.

-Kit

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2706536/

Go there, and put your information in, for a chance to have free art! You know you want to.

I GOT PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAID!!

Finally the school GAVE me my refund check. So now is the time to find one of my lovely people to allow me to pay them the big monies for awesome art!! So, time for a hunt!! If you know some really good artists that you recommend, even if it is yourself, please let me know! I am looking for a few pieces, some well needed, pieces. OMG! I have waited forever for ART!! WooooT!!!

I really don't know WHO reads all of these, but as of late...I have been acting really...feline-ish. I have always had a affinity for White Tigers. I have a lot of stuffed white tigers that I sleep with every night....Yes, I am a college student with stuffed animals! *tear* Don't judge me!! So, I was thinking, what would you all think of this bottom boy wolf, becoming a bottom white tiger, with the purring and all the cat lovins? *gives kitty lovins* So yeah, thinking of a fursona change.

((Posting this here, cause this is my family too, not just the peeps on FB...))

I don't know why I keep writing this over and over, when I know that I won't be able to post it. I keep deleting it, and the emotion behind these notes keeps getting worse and worse, and it hurts my heart more and more as I keep typing it. I am just chicken shit.



I realized something while I was skimming through my facebook friends and family, and realized that each and every person has a story to tell, within my life. Someone, did something, and now I will remember them forever. For that, I am thankful for the friends I have, and my friends will always have a special place in my heart. Some of you have seats within my heart, where you will stay forever. Like my family, my father, sister, brother, grandmother, mammaw, pappaw, and even my birth mother. Gosh, when I think of her, I remember what she used to look like, I remember her smile and the way she used to talk to me when I was growing up, I think of all the positive things, and that is who sits on the chair in my heart. My birth mother from long ago.



My father will always have a special place sitting in my heart, because it was him that rescued me from damnation, he will always be that brave soldier that pulled me from the burning building, and taught me how to walk again. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for his support, or his mother's support. Hell, my grandma Bettie has been the best thing to happen to me in the last 3 years, and for that I am grateful to have her in my life.



These people, friends and family, have always done things for me, bent over backward and inside out...to make me feel alone, naked, in the dark. I will never forget those friends and family that took their own shirt off their back, and offered it to me, even if it was too small...because they didn't want me to suffer, even though I put myself in that situation. I am glad though, that through thick n thin, I have had people to count on.



It's just so hard, to walk this road alone. I mean, in my own religion "The Fool" walks the road alone, to make his own mistakes, and learn the tools of the trade that he has to learn, that he must travel alone, so to strengthen himself, and become the best person in society. The fool though, has many teachers along the way. His parents, and his parents parents. This fool however, misses the most important member of his teaching team. I love Karen, with all the love a son could for his mother, but...there is one little spot in my heart, a throne of sorts, that nobody else can fill, the seat doesn't sit right for anyone else, but Her. Yeah, my birth mother.



I hate that my mother moved us to Missouri, to be near her folks, because she may or may not have known previously that she was going to divorce my father. I hate that the night before we left from Dan and Hazel's...family friends at the time...that I saw her crying at their dining room table, with a phone in her hand. All I did was walk away and went back to playing, but in my heart, I knew then. That very next day, we didn't go home, and that next morning...we went out on the patio of her parents house, and she told us. I remember each of us had a different reaction, my sister was too young, and all I remember is that she wanted to go watch TV. My brother, two year difference, the middle child. He broke down and cried. Of course, She cried with him...and then she looked at me, and asked me how I felt about it. I can't remember what I told her, but that day, I died...my heart sank deep. I always, ALWAYS told all the school kids in my school out at recess, who told me that their parents were divorced, that mine would NEVER get one. I didn't cry, I didn't scream...I don't think I experienced any emotion that day. I do remember driving home, and my father's truck was empty, and the closet on his side was. I sat in that closet for hours, where his stuff used to be and I think that was the day, that I just...locked my heart up.



What is a teenager to do? Your parents, who you thought were the strongest, most amazing people. Hell, my father was Cyclopse (From X-Men) and my mother was Jean Grey (also from x-men). Never apart, perfect for each other. My heroes. Then, the worst thing in the world happened...my mother told me I was old enough, to decide where I wanted to go, where I wanted to live. Come on, your going to ask your child to chose a side? You know one of the parents was going to get hurt from the decision, it was hard. Though, I felt like my father got the rotten end of the deal, and I thought my mother would love me no matter what, and so I told her I wanted to live with my daddy. That day, the perfect world I had with Melissa Rhodes Deason Blackburn, shattered like someone threw a rock, in a glass house. She and I were never the same again. I never got to go with her to places like I had before, I never got to be the son I was, I ended up becoming a loner, and stayed in my room most of the time.



I hate that afterwords, my father joined the army again, and literally it felt like he JUST joined, and those damned planes hit our buildings. I remember, I was in high school, and in Spanish class when we watched the second tower collapse. They sent us home after that, to be with our families. By this time, my father got a small apartment, right smack in the middle of all three of our schools. Sikeston, the smallest town in the world. I was walking to his apartment, and there he was, my dad, dressed in his camo and loading up his truck. My mother picked me up from like, down the road, and she had been crying, cause her face was red and he was sniffing, and that was when I found out, he was being shipped out. To fight someone elses war, a war that non of our soldiers had to fight. So what if you call me non-patriotic, I don't care. That is my Dad, those were some other kids Fathers that DIED over there, kids that will never have their father.

I hate that he went, and left me in a world where I felt unloved, and unwanted. By this time, I had realized what it was to be a boy, I think we (men) know what I mean. Then I realized that I liked men over women, and that was scary. Reason? Cause my parents, and I mean both of them, put the fear of GOD in me. I remember when my father was giving me the "talk" and told me that if I "touched" myself I couldn't think of anything, because it was a sin. I was like, What? That of course, is another story entirely. I didn't have anyone to talk to about these feelings I had, because of the fear that was instilled in me. I found refuge in friends I made in high school, my best friend Donny, and Erica. I felt better by talking it out, then of course in my youth, I stirred away from the "Christian" belief, because like I told my Grandma Bettie. There is no place for me in "Heaven", because God doesn't allow abominations, because that is what I am, a walking abomination, a sin. I was born this way, not something I decided on a whim. Of course, if you follow the good ol' book, like my grandmother. God doesn't love me. Now please, do not fill my comments with your "Holyier than thou, god loves everyone...blaw blaw blaw" because this is how I felt. I enjoy my religion, right where I am at. Cause, there is no pre-requisite to join....so to speak.



So I finally told my mother, and I think my step father was there. Oh, that's something else. I hate she re-married, and I really hate that Brett had to shower us in gifts to try and get us to like him. I never liked him, sorry...nothing personal to the guy, but he bulldozed his way into our lives, and stole my mother from me. Not to mention, the way he treated me on the last day I was in my mother's house. Which, most of you know the story...or was part of it. I hate that when I told them that I was gay, that they looked at me like I needed to be burned at the stake. My step father, tried to convince me that I was just going through a phase, my mother didn't want to look at me straight in the eye from then on. I was a plague in their home, and that is how they treated me. First, they took my room from me, and I was forced to sleep on a cot, in the dining room, where all I had was an alarm clock, to make sure I got up to go to school. They thought I was going to rape my brother and sister. So I lived like that, OH and let's not forget that I had to GO to her parents house, next door, everyday after school...and endure torture from the elderly couple. My pappaw made me work in his garden, lifting and all that stuff, I ended up with heat rash. My mammaw wasn't a polite woman either, I remember that I joined like EVERY after school ANYTHING just to STAY at the High School, because I didn't want to go to that "Hell on Earth". I remember when I didn't come "home" when I was supposed to, and when my pappaw came looking for me, picked me up, and gave me this lecture. He actually threatened to kill me, now whoever reads this on my mother's side of the family is going to deny it up and down, but they were not there. I was. He said, and I quote, "If you hurt your mother, or brother or sister, I will kill you." My mammaw decided to pipe up, that if I "didn't start obeying, she would kick my ass..." now my mammaw is about to my hip, really short thing, and of course a smart ass teen like me laughed, and my pappaw proceeded to say, "...I will knock you down so she can do it..." I get my height from him too.



I hate that when I wanted to e-mail my father, the truth, I couldn't...my mother forced me to write to him, that everything was perfect and that I missed him. Breathing over my shoulder as I did...little did she know at the time I had informed a lot of my teachers in the High school what was going on, and one teacher was gracious enough to allow me to e-mail my father, the truth. Oh, the length of those e-mails were just...out of this world. I later found out, he thought I was lying, tell he got home, and for like the week I disappeared after they kicked me out, my grandma Bettie, his mother, was worried sick. I finally got in touch with her, and that was the first time that woman saved me from the streets.



Why am I telling this story over and over again? Why am I putting it on facebook? Maybe I am hoping that my mother will read this, and realize the torture she put her eldest son in, the fact that she still tortures me. I refuse to wake up and cry from a nightmare every morning...Where she is on her death bed, and asks for me, and I telling her no. That she can't decide while she is dying, that she wants to have a relationship with me. I hate that I know that I will never have an adult relationship with my mammaw and pappaw, and that I will hear about their death, in the paper or because my baby sister will call me crying, to tell me. You know what? I don't want to know, if they don't want to have a relationship with me, I don't want to know when they die, because that will make it that much harder. I don't want to read about my half brother that I never got to hold, that I never got to be a part of his life while he grew up. I don't want to have a relationship with Brett, at all.



You can't ignore your son forever, you can't just close your eyes, plug your ears, and wish the nightmare was over, because believe it or not, you birthed me. You made me with Paul, my father. I will NOT go anywhere, I will NOT disappear, my memory will live on. You don't want to be a part of my life anymore, stop sending me cards and gifts during CHRISTMAS, which is the only time I hear from you. Your birthday wish? On facebook? Really? Couldn't call me? Well, those calls seem like we are on a business call anyway. I can't be around you, you force hugs...because I want a hug, don't want to hug me, then don't. You make me feel worse when you "try" to have a relationship with me. You shouldn't HAVE to force it. You should just LOVE me because I am your son, "Love is unconditional." I am grown up, and you missed it all. I may not be going to school to be a nurse, and I hate that you were right, but guess what...I am going to school to get my Interior Design degree, something that I REALLY want to do, chased my dream. You tore it down before, telling me I will never make it as a nurse. Well, try to tear it down now. I fucking love you! You have no idea what it does to me, I wish I could just easily hate you as you hate me, but I am the better person, I am the adult.



To those people in my life, that care and call, and worry and cry with me. Thank you. Especially to you dad, you brought me out of the ashes and showed me how to rise above and beyond. Karen, I love you so much, you truly are my mother, and I hope that this doesn't upset you, but I realized that with all the fighting we do, is because I want to scream, "You are not my mother, you can't replace her." Because, I am trying so hard, to put you in that seat, but it is a hard seat to fill. Dad, please don't ever think that you never did enough, for us kids. Don't ever think that you alienated us, you just raised us so well, that when we broke away from the nest, whether by force or by choice. We flew away, and forgot where the nest was, to always tell you, that you may not be the perfect father. But you are my father. MY hero, my friend. I love you with all my heart. I am sorry for all the things I have done, to either upset anyone in my life, or hurt anyone in my life. I was just hurting.



Thank you to my friends, that never forced me to reveal who I truly was behind the mask of my comedy, of my smile, of my charm. I am glad to be the "funny fat gay man." It brings me joy to make other people smile and laugh, because for a moment...your happiness becomes my happiness, and for a brief moment in time, while we are all laughing and clutching our side, that one moment we realize.



We are only Human, and we are all the same in one way or another.



Thank you and I love you all.

((Me letting go of some, stuff...))

So,
My bestie and I are looking to get a couple pictures of our Fursonna's together, and my money will be in hopefully within the middle of September. I am having a hard time deciding who to commission for this, and I am sure Kon has some names, and I know a lot of my people I am looking at.

Also I have some personal commissions I want to hire someone to make, of me and another friend of mine's fursonas!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2649198/
Go there!!!

God, this summer was hectic. Without Internet, it was worse. So, I am here at the start of a new year at SEMO. Tomorrow is the first day of classes, and it got me thinking about how people are drawing commissions on here, and getting these little things for their characters. On top of paying a few people shortly for pictures I would like drawn, I was wondering if maybe I should crochet like lap blankets, or full sized blankets for people. Take one commission at a time, and like someone can tell me what colors they want, or what colors that represent their characters, and like....I don't know....it was just something I thought about over the summer, what do you all think?

Okay,
This is a strange question, but maybe someone out there has found it, or knows how to find it. I have been looking for a week, and I just can't seem to locate this picture. When I was a young pup, and just discovering I was a fur. I had a collection of pictures I had gotten from various websites. This one picture that I cannot seem to erase from my mind, and I want it. The hard drive that held this particular picture has been gone for, like I said, years.

The picture, and I can't remember if they are wolves, but I believe they are furry male wolves and they are being stabbed and raped by some other furs. Now, I know your probably like, WTF do you want that picture for! Well, if you look at the picture, their ghosts float above their bodies, and they are the prettiest blue spirits, and they are kissing. Which has a really major importance, there is a message there. So, if you guys have seen this picture, decide to hunt for it and find it, or just know where I can find it. I would greatly appreciate that piece of knowledge.

<3 you all!

That's right! It exists!! Come on by and READ the journal, also....there is a picture of it, so CUTE!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2370461/

HERE....Picture....

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5797163/

COME ON DOWN!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2280192/

Go there! You know you want to enter!

Journal-
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2229343/

Enter for a chance to win a plushie! Just follow the instructions on the journal above.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5518625

Go read this!
Help this artist rule the world, with one icon at a time.

Don't forget to watch him, and spread the word!

I have decided to finally write a story, because I may not draw, but I can write. SO! Here is the question I present my watchers and others who may read this.

Who would like to be featured in my story, and if so...I just need a tad bit of background info on your character. Also, what would you like to have happen in my story?

So, I just need suggestions!

<3 Koi

Gosh, there is so many commissioners out there...it's hard to choooose! Can someone give me a name of one? Or someone they themselves have used, or maybe you are a commissioner yourself. I really want another fursona picture done to go with my other ones!