OK, a little late getting this in, but who cares? Anywazers, FWA was da shit. All three times I've gone, that's the way it's been. I don't know what it is about it, but I've always had a great time. It's the people. Being around so many people that I know and can talk to just makes me so happy. Tends to makes me ask what the fuck I'm doing back here in Alabama where I'm bogged down with school and work at a job I hate with every fiber of my being. *sighs* That's mundane life. Oh well, got RCFM to look forward to. Thanks to everyone I saw at the con and I know next year will be even better. Goodnight everybody.

For those of you who don't know yet, there was a shooting today at the University of Alabama in Huntsville. The shooting occurred sometime early this afternoon and as of this point, three are dead, one is in critical condition, and two are stable.

As for me, my first instinct was somewhat nonchalant, considering the situation. I heard it from a friend at work, and I reacted the same way I do when I normally hear about these kind of things. I was worried and concerned for those that were involved. It took a few seconds for me to realize that that was my school, and suddenly I went from "oh no" to "OH FUCK ME!!" I go to that school and I know some of the professors. Though, at that point, I didn't know much. I'd just heard that three were dead and about ten others were injured. After a while, I finally got some updates. First, I'd heard it happened at the Shelby Center, which is worrisome, since that is basically where the biology and mathematics departments are. My major is biology and I spend a good majority of my time there. Then, I heard that it happened at a faculty meeting for the biological sciences department, more worried. I'd heard that a faculty member was denied tenure that morning, so that afternoon, during the meeting, they'd brought a gun in with them and started firing off. Finally, I got home and got online and read the reports. First off, I didn't know the shooter. However, I did know a few of the victims. There were six total. One of the people killed was one of my teachers last semester.

It's a little too close to home. At this point in time, I'm in shock above all else. I'm in complete disbelief. I had this person teaching my class for a whole semester, and I think back to everything I and everyone else said about them. They weren't always on my list of great teachers, but they weren't bad people at all. They were actually very nice. Now they're dead. I just can't believe it. And one of the people injured is just a wonderful person. I can't believe anyone would harm them. This is about as senseless as it comes.

*sighs* I give my prayers and wishes to the families of the victims and those who lost their lives today. I hope you can do the same. I certainly won't forgot this day.

Last night,  sandulf,  werevvulf, and myself went out to see Daybreakers. After buying the tickets and making our way into the theater, Sandulf broke out into a really sharp pain in his back as well as trouble breathing. We rushed him to the hospital where the pain steadily got worse. After nearly six hours of tests, waiting, and being scared half-to-death, come to find out he has emphysema and pneumonia, as well as a few other problems.

I don't say this often, being an atheist, but please keep your prayers with Sandulf. I know it'll get better, but it was a very worrisome time, especially for Sand.

And to Werevvulf, I can't tell you how glad I am that you were there last night. Even though it happened at an inconvenient time, I'm glad it happened when it did so that both of us could be there for him. Thank you so much.

I'll post again once he's feeling better.

Why am I so mad right now? I don't fucking get it. I wonder sometimes how the some of the stupidest things can make one so aggravated. So angry over something so small. Why is that? Why is it when I feel so angry, I want to be alone and I can't stand to be alone? That's the only reason I'm writing this right now. I'm mad as hell and I just want everyone to know. Excuse me now. I've gotta go punch a brick.

Well, I didn't actually attend the con, but I showed up and ghosted. I worked Friday and Sunday until 4:30 in the afternoon, so it wouldn't have made sense to register anyway. Saturday, I had the day off, and actually spent pretty much the whole day there, but didn't really feel like doing anything except hang out with fellow furs that I knew and never got see very often. I could've gotten a one day pass, but... meh.

Anyways, the new hotel was nice, much more room, but not as spacious as the Radison, if that makes any sense. I heard about a few problems, but they sounded pretty meager to me. There weren't a lot of attendees, but that's RCFM for ya. It's a small con.

Anyways, next year, I'll be there with a weekend pass and money to buy porn. :D ...or anything else that catches my eye.

OK, I know half the fandom would have a question mark over there head right now, wondering what the hell is wrong with me, that is if half the fandom even read my stupid journal. Now, I've never done any programming before, so I wouldn't expect to get it right off the bat, but I feel like I got cheated. I dropped out of my C programming class because it was too hard. I wasn't understanding anything. Of course, I blame the instructor who doesn't know how to teach and introductory course. Not only that, I feel that a learning a course such as this would be easier if there were more hands on training, and not just read the book, study it, and then give us a programming assignment. Oh well, I'll just take it next semester and make sure the name under "Instructor" is not Rheinfurth. :(

OK, it's been about 3 and a half days since I got back home, but I've been busy, so I haven't put this out yet. Anyways, FWA rocked. It's only been my second year there, but it rocked. It had it's faults, naturally, as any con would, but I won't worry about that here. I'll save that bitching for the FWA site. ;) There were other problems that were not the con staff's fault, such as me being unprepared for this con, trying to wing it and realizing that doesn't always work, not having a room the first night, the ride up and down the elevators leaving me disoriented after the con, which I think was due to a nutrient deficiency. All-in-all though, it was awesome. Didn't spend any unnecessary money, met up with old friends and got to meet some new ones and hang out with them. Met Tr4n515t0r while playing DDR, Yoken's moved to Atlanta now and Shiro will follow shortly, Brim's happy with his new mates, met LegionRed while rooming with two other furs, Uriko and Ravennon, whom I still owe money for my share of the room, saw a couple of old friends, Aidan and Leo, met two great furs, Whitewulf and Aren Armster while in the artists alley, getting no sleep, saw Danilioness, Pollock Bear, and Blinka Dragon since I don't even remember when. I just had a great time, hung with Brody, Alex, and a few others at the RCFM room party for a while. *giggles* Well, Now I'm back in my mundane life, or lack thereof, trying to get through school and work like they actually mean something in life. *sighs* Oh well.

To anyone who reads this, FURRY FOX-HUG ATTACK! <3

The con is over and now begins the unfortunate process of dealing with three months of mundanity until the next furry con. :( But seriously, the con was a blast. Got to meet a lot of new furs and meet up with old ones. Got a few commissions, did a little partying, there was of course a little drama between me and my roomate, but nothing that couldn't be worked through. Just three days of furrydom is worth putting up with the reality that is the human world. If only my life were trapped in a vortex of furry lifestyles, well, I'd probably be a bit dumber. *shrugs*
Oh well, at least I've got school to look forward to. It should be starting about the same time as MFM, which'll be hard as hell on me, I'm sure, but I'll make due. *sighs* I love my life, but there's so much to do and so little time to do it in. Why doesn't the world just stop turning? *pulls hair out*
Anyways, that's it for now, be good... or not. <3

KPFoxPaw

I don't know exactly how many people are gonna read this, but I need to vent.

As of two weeks ago tomorrow, I officially ended the relationship with my mate of over two years, Brimstone. His initial response wasn't surprising. He was hurt more than words can express and I let him express them. We talked, we argued, we talked some more. It hasn't been a terrible break up. It's been hard on both of us, more so for him, I'll admit. I've been trying to find another place to live, and I've spoken with someone who's moving here, however, it's not till the beginning of March.

I've been doing alright till now, but yesterday, something happened that broke the infrastructure that is my emotions and then everthing just came tumbling down. And now, I feel alone and left out, like everyone's out to get me and there's no one around that I can turn to. I feel like my friends who I thought loved me no longer do, I can't find a place to live and I'm afraid I'll have to move back to Phoenix, and to top it off, my ex-mate thinks I don't still love him, which I honest to goodness do. Now I'm trying to hide from the world, shutting everyone out so that they can't hurt me and I can mend my heart and put all the pieces back together. But I can't. And I can't express myself because that'll only cause more pain and I don't wanna argue or fight anymore.

I know I'm being paranoid and irrational. Nobody's out to get me, nobody hates me, my friends do still love me (I hope). I know Brim loves me, but I wish he could see that I love him back. I'm scared but I don't wanna admit it. I don't wanna be pittied. I'm tired of being pittied, but at the same time, I wanna be noticed and I want to be loved. I need to be saved.

But before that, right now, I need to be alone. *cries*