So I haven't been doing all that well as of late. I ended up going to the hospital last night because I've been unable to concentrate, forgetful, unable to focus, light headed and dizzy for...a while now. A week and a half ago, I came home from work and drank the last sip of coffee that I'd left in my mug, which has never caused a problem before, but I ended up really sick to my stomach and ended up having to call out of work the next day. About halfway through the night, I got really light headed like I'd been given a very small shot of morphine, or as if I were suddenly kind of high. The nausea wore off over the next day or so, but the light headedness et al hasnt. So, I went to the hospital last night because a week and a half of feeling like that is really disconcerting and actually quite worrying. They drew blood, did an EKG, a ct scan, urinalysis, physical neurological exam, and found...a lot of nothing. The doctor said that there's quite a long list of things that could cause what I've been feeling, and they were able to cross off a lot of things, but they still didn't have a clue what was actually causing it. I ended up with a ten day prescription for Antivert and a phone number for both an ear nose and throat place as well as a neurologist. The doctor said that I'm actually quite healthy for the shape that I'm in, so he's kind of at a loss, but he wanted to give me the script to see if it might be an inner ear thing because that's apparently hard to spot even with a ct scan?

Sooo that's kind of where I am. I haven't been able to fill the script for the Antivert, and I'm actually kind of scared to do so because of the probably astronomical cost.

Think hard about what you're saying.

I hate Trump and his supporters because they're racist, prejudiced pieces of human shit who don't care about anything but money, guns, blaming immigrants for things white people did, and telling women what to do while being failures at life (statistically).

So how does that make me as bad as someone who doesn't care about anything but money, guns, blaming immigrants for things white people did, and telling women what to do, when I hate them because people are more important than money and should all be considered equal no matter who they are, where they come from, what their sexuality or identity or colour or lineage or anything like that. I've dedicated myself to helping people and have no time to myself to get anything done for my own education because I've taken it upon myself to teach people who are struggling in classes I'm taking with them, at a heavy detriment to myself. Shit, I spend more time helping students in the school than the faculty. At multiple points, I've given my last available dollar to make sure my friends were fed. That barely even grazes the surface of what I do for other people (I have laid out everything I do for people to only one person and it took an entire six hour shift at work), but I don't complain, I NEVER complain, because people are important. People. Living individuals with identities and families and friends and responsibilities who should be protected and helped for no reason other than they might need it.

So don't you fucking DARE call me a hypocrite for hating the people who would destroy all of that because people are different.

This is why I say that Trump is NOT MY PRESIDENT. If you feel the same, I've made a shirt for us, which you can get here: https://teespring.com/not-my-president-9911

Come get your Not My President shirt! We’ve been dealing with him and his ilk saying Obama wasn’t their president for eight long years, and turnabout is fair play!

Shirts are currently available only in white, but come in a HUGE range of sizes.

They’ll be available for only three weeks, so come get yours now!

Make sure to share it, too! If we don’t reach our goal, they won’t be produced!

https://teespring.com/not-my-president-9911

Oh, and if you voted for Trump or feel like defending him or saying I need to lighten up, feel free to let me know so I can block your ignorant bigoted ass. My block list has room for all of you.

One of my favourite teachers died this weekend. He was diving with a friend and another, inexperienced diver. He and his friend went into a cave while the inexperienced guy stayed behind. When they didn’t show up at the designated time and place, he waited six hours before calling search and rescue, who didn’t find them until this morning. As much as I hate him for not calling them sooner, with how long it took to find them, they wouldn’t have found them in time anyway.

I spoke to his wife today, another of my favourite teachers, who called me in tears because I texted her and asked if the news was true. Apparently she didn’t know what had happened. She asked me for details about it, so I told her what I’d read in the news.

How fucked up is that? That she had to find out about her husband drowning from one of her students?

Last week, a friend of mine had his class, and he told them that he’d be diving this weekend. He said, “I’m diving this weekend, so if I’m not here next week, you know why.”

He was a wonderful teacher, and a brilliant man. He was caring, vastly intelligent, beautifully sarcastic, and it was sincerely a privilege to learn from him, and I was so looking forward to learning more.

So, many of you know I live in Florida, which is about to be raked up the east coast by hurricane Matthew. I'm not particularly worried where I am, since my building survived Andrew, which was FAR worse, with minimal damage.

As of now, we're getting hit by the occasional belt of rain and a few particularly strong gusts, but that's the worst of it right now. Obviously, we're just in the very outer bands right now, so it's going to get a lot worse, but as of now, it's fine.

I'm expecting that, at least where I am now, it's going to hit us as hard as Francis and Jeanne hit me when I was in high school, which I know doesn't actually tell you anything, but rest assured that the worst I got back then was a few days without power and minimal coffee.

I'll be posting updates to twitter for as long as I have power, so if you're there, go ahead and give me a follow at DrKraest.

IM GOING TO THE KALADESH PRERELEASE TOMORROW

IVE NEVER BEEN TO A PRERELEASE

I AM EXCITED AND AFRAID

AFRITED?

YEAH THAT SOUNDS RIGHT

HOLY SHIT IT'S BEEN GOD DAMNED FOREVER!



So, I started listening to Hungry Lights, and you should too: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-v4…
Also buy his album because it’s MORE than worth it! http://hungrylights.bandcamp.com/rele…

I can’t do the song any justice, but holy shit, it’s fun to sing!

Ever look at someone’s art and want to fucking cry because you’ve worked so hard for so many years to get your art to a place where you can even look at a finished piece and think “oh my god I actually drew this” but it still looks like something a child drew in comparison and you think of all the time over how many years you’ve put into trying to have your art have even a remotely similar feeling to something they shit out in a few minutes that makes you want to cry because they call it a shitty warmup?

Ever listen to some music only to find that this incredible music was made by one guy who based the entire album on the first book in a five book series and is planning four more and realise that all of his music and singing and writing is better than anything you've ever done even though it's exactly what you've been wanting to do for years?

Ever feel like everything you've worked for your entire life has led fucking nowhere and you're going to be useless for the rest of your life no matter how hard you work because you're already 28 and everyone doing all these things you envy so much is younger than you?

Yeah, me too.

So, I need help with a story I remember from when I was a wee bab.

All I remember was that there was a little girl who was kidnapped, and they found that she’d been kidnapped by a witch who, when they found them, was holding the baby and humming, and every once in a while, she’d lean over and take a bite out of the baby’s cheek and eat it, then run her hand over the bite and heal it and then go back to humming.

Does that sound familiar to anyone at all?

My fairy tales and archetypes teacher is trying to help me find the original story and we’re both coming up with nothing at all and it sucks.

Y’all seriously don’t even know how much I appreciate everyone who comes to my sketch commission streams. Like, I shut down my Patreon because it was too stressful with not enough monetary gain to make it worthwhile when I compare it to my streams, which are intensely fun and monetarily rewarding, and everyone who comes to my streams is consistently proving to me that I made the right choice, and I really can’t thank you guys enough <3

WTF YOU DOIN IN MAH JOURNAL

GO HERE INSTEAD AND GET SOME COMMISSIONS

I'm saying goodbye to Patreon. This has been coming for a while, as it just hasn't been working out in my favour. Yes, I've gotten patrons who have helped me immensely, but I'm just not enjoying it anymore at all.

Let me back up a moment and make an observation. Artists/entertainers who do well with Patreon are people who don't have, or at least don't have many other obligations outside of their Patreon.

Myself, I'm a student and have just started a new job. I don't have much spare time as it is and have many obligations outside of Patreon. I just don't have the time for it.

Outside of that, the amount that I'm getting is not worth the stress of contacting everyone multiple times every month and trying to get them to give me what they want for their monthly pieces. This is a recurring issue I've had with several of my patrons, and when payday comes and I've not gotten info for the monthly piece, I feel like I'm stealing from them. Beyond that, because people aren't telling me what they want, there's nothing there for people who are considering signing on to see, and it looks like I'm just not delivering. So I'm stressing about homework and getting Patreon pieces done while trying to get info from my patrons which makes me consider becoming a feral cat wrangler since that would be easier and would probably pay more.

To reiterate what I mentioned earlier, the amount that I'm getting isn't worth the stress of all of that. Expounding and expanding on that, I make more from just one of my sketch commission streams than I do for the entire monthly Patreon payout. Aside from making more, I have more fun. Through my streams, I have fun. I sing and bounce around and drink coffee, doing quick sketches that I really enjoy...and I've made friends through my streams.

My streams are mathematically infinitely more fun. If 0(X)=inf, then yes, my streams are infinitely more enjoyable, as well as at least three to four times more monetarily successful.

So that's where I currently stand. I'm chalking my Patreon up as a failure and an all around bad idea for someone in my current position, as it's just not worth the stress for such a small payout when I can do something far more enjoyable for a much greater payout. Huge thanks to everyone who supported me for as long as you have, and I really hope to see you in my streams so I can continue to draw for you!

I'M SO FUCKING PRODUCTIVE

(requested by  dantelupine) :3

So, remember that journal about how I ate shit like I hadn't had a meal in weeks? Yeah, my knee is still a little fucked up from that.

So, I've been wearing a knee brace for about a week now, thanks to the swelling. Well, the swelling is mostly gone, but it still hurts if it's in just the right (wrong?) position. Also, the brace keeps pressing my kneecap in a weird way when I'm standing up straight and when I go to bend my knee, it feels like something is snapping back in place.

It's...really fucking annoying.

At least my hands are better. Except the small remaining scabs on my knuckles of my left hand and a small amount of soreness remaining in my left thumb.

Iunno. Just an update or something.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE HASN'T IT
WELL I'M HERE TO FIX THAT
TAKE TWO AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING

I GET TO SHUSH PEOPLE FOR A LIVING AND SMELL OLD BOOK SMELL ALL THE TIME 8D

"But what does this mean for me, one of your very few Patreon supporters?" I hear you ask! The answer is nothing! Between shushing people and librarianing, I'll have time to work on art for myself and other people, including Patreon stuff! 8D

Also, don't put your books back on the shelf. The more books there are left on tables and such, the more it's clear that the library is indeed used for its intended purpose, which means more funding for the library. I know you think you're being nice to the librarians, but doing the whole "leave everything as it was" does more harm than good.

SHHHH!

Much like everyone else, the recent security issues are quite frightening to my livelihood as an artist. Bearing that in mind, here are other places you can find me:

Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~kraest
SoFurry: https://kraest.sofurry.com/
InkBunny: https://inkbunny.net/Kraest
Tumblr: http://kraest.tumblr.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrKraest
DeviantArt: http://ildeking.deviantart.com/

MORE IMPORTANTLY - My Patreon has seen better days, and it's this that I rely on more than anything else since starting my classes at the Art Institute. This is how I'm getting my supplies for my classes, and pieces for Patrons are available to Patrons only, and will not be posted to any of my galleries. Patrons are free to post their rewards anywhere they want, but I will not be posting them anywhere aside from Patreon.
I implore you, please check out my Patreon and consider becoming a Patron. The $5 tier alone gets you a sketch every month.

You can find my Patreon HERE: https://www.patreon.com/KraestIllustrations

If you follow me on twitter, you'll have seen why

If you don't, well, warning - blood: https://twitter.com/drkraest/status.....52496921985024

I crashed my bike and ate shit like I haven't had a meal in weeks.

So my life drawing teacher is a bitch. She goes really far out of her way to find things to complain about in the students’ gesture drawings, draws in people’s sketchbooks without asking, and generally tries to tear everyone down for no reason.

What’s really funny, though, is that I seem to be teaching people in my class more than she is. She hasn’t actually taught anyone how to do anything at all in this class, and every day, it’s been “draw the model, no you’re doing it wrong but I won’t tell you how to do it right, now here’s the homework that I printed off deviantart, but I won’t tell you how to draw these either, oh look you failed the homework.”

She’s always telling the class to do things with each piece we do, but has never once explained how to do them. Like with shading. Especially with shading. She wants everyone to do very smooth shading but never told anyone how to make it smooth, so during the couple of minutes between gesture drawings, I’ve been wandering around to the other students and giving them super quick crash courses on how to make their shading smooth. I spent quite a while showing people how to angle their pencils to get nice smooth shading, because she sure as fuck hasn’t told anyone how to do it.

One of my friends had an issue with making the model look off balance, and he didn’t know why, and the teacher didn’t tell him how to fix it after saying nothing more than “she looks off balance, so you need to work on that.” I had to tell him and the rest of the class (because this is something that she needed to point out on the first fucking day but never did) that the hips and shoulders move congruently. It’s the body’s way of *gasp* keeping balance. When the hips go down on the left, the right shoulder goes down. Hips down on right, shoulders down on left. And they angle mostly equally, too, so long as the figure is standing and not leaning or lying down or falling.

As soon as I pointed those things out to people, everyone I mentioned it to got the epiphany face of understanding, and that one of her students is doing better at her job of teaching people is why she shouldn’t be a fucking teacher at a god damned art school.

The original video is HERE: https://twitter.com/ReflecbeatV2/st.....08158420324352

I saw that video and had to do SOMETHING about it.

NEVERMIND THERE'S ONLY ONE BECAUSE FUCK SONY

I've done a few somewhat recently, breaking away a bit from the strictly screaming stuff that I was doing before. I'm still a bit hesitant to do clean vocals, since I know I need to do SEVERAL takes for clean vocals in my own recordings and these are all one take videos. Either way, have a bunch!

All That Remains - This Calling


Dimmu Borgir - Progenies of the Great Apocalypse


Dimmu Borgir - Devil's Path 2000


Haken - Sun


Haken - Somebody


Tesseract - Perfection

Come check it out! https://www.patreon.com/KraestIllustrations

Much as I greatly appreciate the number of patrons I have, it's still pretty quiet over here, and I need more patrons to make it less of a ghost town!

So what does this mean for you, my constant viewers? Well, nothing, really, unless you want to become a patron! I won't be hiding my art behind a paywall, because that's bullshit and I have zero respect for artists who do that, but I will be posting finished (sfw) pieces there at least a day or two in advance of when they are posted here. There will also be either monthly or fortnightly patron-only streams, I haven't really decided which as of yet. That would probably depend on how many people sign up above the $2 tier.

If you become a patron at $5 or more, your name will be tossed into a raffle hat, and you may win a free piece at the end of the month! Each tier at $5 or more and above also gets you either a loose sketch, a slightly more finished sketch, lineart, colour/shading, or a completely finished piece, respectively; however, the highest tier will NOT get your name in the hat for the monthly raffle, as you'd already be getting the most finished piece there is. 

For the streams, I'll be setting up a sort of gratitude wall, so at the end of each stream, I'll be displaying the name of each patron on the streams. If you decide to become a patron at the higher tiers, you'll get a personal thank you shoutout at the beginning of each stream, as well as having your name on the gratitude wall at the end! 

If you're a struggling artist and would like help, there are two slots for private streams wherein I'll tutor you on anything you want to know, as best as I can. 

Keep in mind, though, since I am a student and this is to help put me through school, time may be limited, but I will always try to get any art for patrons done as promptly and expediently as I possibly can.

And as always, if you can't become a patron, you can still help by spreading the word! _{please don't tell me that you don't have money, because that just makes us both sad. Spreading the word is, quite literally infinitely more helpful than just telling me you're broke!}

https://www.patreon.com/KraestIllustrations
https://www.patreon.com/KraestIllustrations
https://www.patreon.com/KraestIllustrations
https://www.patreon.com/KraestIllustrations

What they don’t tell you about denial is that you know it’s denial. A part of your mind knows that what happened did happen, but the rest of you refuses to accept it, but that part of you that knows is repeating it over and over again, trying to get the rest of you to realise that it’s true, but the rest of you still refuses to accept it. You know it’s denial, but the part of you that’s in denial doesn’t care.

I'll be away for a while. I'll try to keep up with my Patreon pieces, but I can't make any promises.

My father passed away a couple of days ago. They're not yet sure how. He didn't show up for work for a few days, so they sent the sheriff to check on him and found him in the bathroom. He was pronounced at the scene. He was only 53.

I was working on my homework today, listening to Emerson, Lake & Palmer's album, Trilogy, and thinking that I should send him a message, thanking him for sending it to me for my birthday in 2003, because it's the perfect album to listen to when I need to concentrate. Just as I was about to, I got a message from my sister, telling me I needed to call her ASAP, and that it was about dad.

He wasn't the best father, and we weren't very close, but our love of music was what gave us a mutual understanding and appreciation for each other. I can honestly say that without him, I wouldn't be as driven as I am today.

Goodbye, dad. I love you.

---

We found out what happened. He was sick. He left work Monday evening, sweating, shaking, shivering and wearing a heavy jacket, even though it was 80°. He was sick and he had no one to take care of him.