Self-harm has risen since the advent of Social Media – an ironic symptom contrary to its purpose. It's hard to watch the world live your best life and fulfill your dreams without you.

Just remember: you experience the lives of others on social media out of context. Nothing online is as it seems in reality.

Stop comparing yourself to ghosts and phantoms.

I've been struggling with this a lot lately.

Maybe it's just me ... and I'm not necessarily complaining ... and this doesn't affect every artist ... but has anyone else noticed that the vast majority of furry art is no longer 'furry'? The collective style for most artists has evolved into something that looks texturally more like animal-patterned rubber than fur. Legs, arms, breasts, balls and butts — Everything is polished smooth like a heavily airbrushed Playboy centerfold. Did I miss the memo or something? Do furries *gasp* no longer like fur?

I understand that styles change and evolve, but I'm just curious.

I decided today that I should lower all of my commission fees.

While I completely and utterly agree, on every level possible, that an artist should be paid whatever they can justify, I also believe there is a trend that some artists (a microscopic few) raise prices too quickly and by too much. (No judgement. Just a fact).

I fear I may have been one of these.

I am a believer that art is both a right of the people and also that artists should benefit for their hard-earned skills.

In an effort to bring balance to this ridiculous premise of mine, I have elected to drop all of my fees, in some cases by more than half.

If you are interested in some organic, hormone-free, free-range artwork, I'm afraid I can't help you. Lots of silicone and hormones over here.

But if you are in the market for a commissioned project, or feel the need to poke someone in the eye, you may find my terms and car-dealership pricing model here:

> KB's Terms of Unbreakable Bondage
> KB's Proof of Languid Insanity
> KB's Lost World of Impossible Artifacts
> KB's Collection of Furry Curios

That is all.

Confidence +1!

Furry Weekend Atlanta was hosting a poster contest for their Galactic Gunslingers theme, and the categories were "Wanted Poster" and "Promotional Poster"; I am very pleased (and completely shocked) that I made it through at all given all of the amazing talent that was submitted!

https://twitter.com/FurryWeekendAtl.....41437696741376

The winner of the Promo category went to  Pulsar

Congratulations to all who entered!

The FWA staff will have this poster available for sale in a number of formats and sizes, if you're interested!

Artists *do* get a portion of the sales, so every purchase would be EXTREMELY WELL APPRECIATED!

http://www.furryweekend.com/dealers.....hop/on-demand/

I will NOT be attending FWA (I'll be out of the country), but I hope everyone who goes has a great time!

So I've been chastised yet again for the audacity of thanking people for 'watching' me and 'favoriting' my works, soooo I guess I'm not doing that anymore?

Just kidding. If you can't handle being thanked for a kindness your momma raised you wrong. Have a nice day! And thank you!

-KB

I feel totally lost in everything I'm doing right now.

... I've uncovered a ton of old work from my Free Fur days (2001-2004) and to my surprise most of them are not posted anywhere!

I figured it would be nice for the commissioners and fans (if they even still exist) if these had a permanent home for them to refer to again. The work is old, though, and doesn't match my current preference for skill level so I'll be placing all of these older drawings into the Scraps folder.

I'll also be moving most of my older work there as well.

Enjoy! Stop by and tell me stuff!

Appreciation.

Thanks for being here!

... For the first time ever!

... I've turned the sound off because I am at work currently, but I'll be streaming for the next hour or two! Come on by!

Check it out!

Thanks!
-KB

For current and future commissioners (you know who you are!), I'm now using Trello! A fancy pants new tool for keeping track of commission progress publicly! Yay transparency! Yay public ridicule! lol

Taunt me here: https://trello.com/b/aFGmLIF0/kb

I know I know I know — Summer is here and you simply have FAR TOO MUCH MONEY and all you want in the world is for someone to give it to.

Well dear reader, I will make this ultimate of sacrifices and offer myself as a host; a repository — a receptacle if you will — in which to discard your cumbersome cash.

Summer commissions are open! Pricing and terms of service are as follows:


https://www.furaffinity.net/commiss...../krossbreeder/


Thank you for your interest and have a wonderful weekend!

-KB

So in 2017 the lost-art of "reading" is as popular as toe fungus, but nonetheless I persist in my denial and must ask; is anyone reading the Axis of Conflict chapters that I'm putting out, or am I entertaining only myself? I will continue to write regardless, but my curiosity demands satiation!

I'm always interested in feedback! Thanks, all!

-Kross

It seems like every now and again, especially around Autumn, I begin to feel exceptionally nostalgic. This feeling, like moth to flame, has me digging out all of my old comics, artwork, and stories and remembering ‘That Time” when I was able to lock myself in my study and pound out story after story, and comic-page after comic-page.

Now that I’m older with all of the responsibilities that comes with holding three full jobs AND family, I find it nearly impossible to create the way I used to.

But, since it’s Autumn, I am once more gripped tight by my past and rather than sit on it all silently I have decided to release all of my older works. Normally this is a bit taboo — for an artist/author to publish and promote their “old stuff”, but seeing as how it’s never seen the light of day I’d like to finally give it a home.

What do you think? Waste of time? I mean — does anyone even read stories anymore?

Writing has long been a passion of mine, and I’m eager for feedback. That being said, this material was written between 1994 and 1996, when I was in Middle and High School, so critique gently ;) lol

First three chapters have been posted!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21785838/

Today I learned that a very recent former student of mine committed suicide last night.

If you are depressed, please talk to someone. If you have no one, talk to me. I've been there. Don't take permanent solutions to temporary problems.

So I used to be that guy that would say, "I find it annoying when cosplayers from one fandom show up at another fandom's convention", (i.e. fursuiters at a Renaissance Festival), but then I read a fairly angry post from a fellow college instructor bemoaning the exact same point and I suddenly realized it's a shitty argument.

I was at the Michigan Renaissance Festival (in Holly, MI) for the opening weekend this past weekend (August 21) and now I am dying to go back in suit. I want to dress KB up in Renaissance garb, but still, I really wanna go back (with a group, if possible).

Are there any suiters out here planning on heading to the Ren Fest any time soon? I'd love to possibly tag along with you or vice versa!

Just hit me up here or on Telegram (krossbreeder) if you're interested!

... This invitation is mostly a gauge of people's interest, not an obligation to go! If you think it's a good idea but aren't sure you can actually make it, hit me up anyway! I still wanna know who 'might' be out there! Thanks!

Time to unroll the project list!

For those who have been following me, and for those who should be (ha!), I have put together my master project list and I am excited to share it here. As part of my aforementioned promise to myself to re-engage my creative engine, I am announcing foremost the rebooting of my original comic series, Axis of Conflict. Directly ontop of that, are my fursuit commissions which will likely take me through right to the end of 2015. I have several mini-comic and single-painting commissions with a couple FA fans, and these too will be complete in the next few weeks.

As I contend with real life (work, school, Dad’s probate hearings, raising children, and household chores), I will be completing these items as quickly as possible.

A little more about:

AXIS OF CONFLICT
As the title might suggest, this series is fairly serious. The plot and setting take place in ‘’modern”, human, Earth that suddenly finds itself contending with hybrid life. The story is told from the perspective of the hybrids as they rush out into madness of a world that doesn’t want them. The fledgling hybrid society works its way through various conflicts; physical, political, emotional, legal, and cultural. Originally developed in 1996, the reboot of this story retells the original three-comic story-arc set in the late 1990s before jumping forward into 2016. The comic will follow the same characters before and after the jump, showing the de/evolution of each character during the in-between years. The story itself is a hybrid of traditional comic-book action, drama and romance mixed with everyday issues, politics, and grown-up-conversation. Truly a blend of everything. I am very excited to be picking this serial back up again and I hope for your support! Pages 1 and 2 (and soon 3) have been posted already. The art is a bit rough right now (these were drawn when I was in high-school!) but bear with me — it’s going to jump. I am also looking to recruit authors and even occasional artists for covers and/or interior art if anyone is so-interested. I also love hearing suggestions and character recommendations if anyone is willing to “lend” me a character. This comic will be published weekly to bi-weekly (on weekends) online as a webcomic. With time, the intention will be to publish as a hard-copy book. More to come!

KROSSBREEDER ORIGINS
"What the f*** is up with your name?” …is a question I hear a lot. Yeah, it’s a bit odd. I mean, what am I insinuating here? What level of dirty perversion is going on in my head? Truthfully, "it’s not what you think!”
KB is a very complicated character with a very straight forward story that will be told beginning (finally!) in 2016. As a character, I’m representative of many things in the Axis of Conflict storyline, the first of which is “dichotomy”. I have always had many interests that span two very extremes whether it’s a love for classical music and death metal, or assigning male or female behaviors. The name itself comes from a very cruel place however, and that story will be told soon, along with the discovery of my real name.


FURSUIT COMMISSIONS
I currently have three (or four, depending on forthcoming payment) fursuits in the works to be completed by year’s end. I have been very excited to share my love of fursuiting with a few of you, and I am always interested in taking new commissions to build suits for interested people. I am new to the game of fursuit commissions, so I am a little slower but also a little cheaper. My portfolio is growing and after December I will have completed 11 suits (including two for children and two partials). Some photos are in my FA Gallery. I specialize in customers who have never owned or commissioned a suit before, because I like to go over every detail and hold hands where possible to make the product as perfect as we can together. I am not a fan of “you get whatever I give you” which seems to be the modus operandi of many builders (certainly not all). There’s a tremendous amount of talent out here, and it’s only getting better. If you have any questions, I would love to hear from you. Costs depend entirely on your vision. I know that’s very hard to budget for, but that’s why I like working with people directly. Every suit is priced based on the materials needed, their desired quality, and the labor it takes to assemble it. Some suits will be very cheap, others more intense. I will happily go over things with you and share itemized costs if you want to see how it all works. General prices are posted on my Commissions Info tab —> https://www.furaffinity.net/commiss.....sbreeder/.More to come!


PAINTED / DRAWN COMMISSIONS
My primary training and first passion in life has always been painting and drawing. I have not opened commissions for some time due to the insanity I have built for myself in life, but as I mentioned, I am eager to return to this space and wield my brushes yet again. I teach and “specialize” in digital painting, but I do love traditional mediums as well. I am always interested in hearing people’s ideas. I don’t accept EVERYthing, but at the same time I don’t mind having the conversation. Prices range on complexity, but are posted on my Commissions Info tab —> https://www.furaffinity.net/commiss...../krossbreeder/. More to come.


WRITING
In parallel with all of this, I have been an avid reader and story writer for as long as I’ve been an artist. I typically reserve this skill for developing comic strips and sequential strips, but after becoming addicted to the writings of Watts Martin (aka ) I have re-stoked the desire to write a novel. The timing for this will be far off, but it is on my immediate list of things to begin. Research has already commenced and I hope to have the first chapter underway in January of 2016. No assumptions on publishing methods yet. Possibly softcover, but likely digital. We’ll see! More to come!

It’s time to reboot!

I have been solemn. I have been quiet. I have been chaotically unproductive.

With all of the recent events in my life, it has been easy to make excuses as to why my personal work has taken a backseat to my everyday life and workload. But if the death of a loved one (rest in peace, Dad, we’ll get through this) has proven anything to me, it’s that work will ALWAYS be there, and there will NEVER be a comfortable time to sit back and relax. I say this seriously and without sarcasm or mockery, because it is a real problem: I spend my every waking hour solving other people’s problems at a break-neck speed. Be it at work (all three jobs), my freelance clients, my children, my wife, or indeed even friends and family. I do not regret this of course, because the circle usually takes care of me in return. But what is significantly lacking in my life is fun and creativity.

I used to draw.

A lot.

A LOT.

And now, I rarely create anything. I have not painted or drawn anything for myself in a looooong time and I miss it in a way I suspect heroin addicts miss shooting up. The addiction has been forcefully interrupted. I convulse with anger and sorrow and I stare bleary-eyed into the future waiting, hoping, wishing for the moment to touch pencil to paper but there is never time. The occasional doodle in a meeting-time ledger is not the same. The lesson here, to those younger than me, is be careful which dreams you abandon in the pursuit of career or family or status. The rewards of these things are indeed mighty, but the simpler joys run much deeper, and are more profound. I do not wish to lose my job, abandon my children or leave my wife — nothing like that. I am extremely (extremely) happy with these accomplishments and I know myself to be very lucky. But I miss the creative process so wholly that it hurts… Which is a large reason why I love teaching at the College for Creative Studies (my old alma mater). Being connected with creative people is a joy unto itself. But that joy is akin to an abstaining alcoholic sitting with his friends in a bar. The jealousy is pervasive.

So. What to do?

Make time, of course.

Easier said than done — and I’ve been saying that in response for years. Meanwhile, 20 (twenty!) years have gone by and the only trend I have established is that free time is harder to come by now not easier like I once thought it would be and there is only one person to blame for that.

Myself.

So. I am done with excuses and responsibility. (Well, some of it anyway). The cold, steely façade of the Wonka Factory is going to see new life, and it begins now.

Dad passed away this morning at 2:15 a.m.

The hospital took him off of the ventilator at 5:00pm last night and after a long and hard fought battle to regain control of his breathing he ultimately succumbed to exhaustion.

I held his hand until the very last breath and I have never been more sad in my life.

Hug your loved ones. Lots.

Yesterday was a strangely good day. I think. I really don't know.

For a man who was two months ago going about his business as normal and now lies awake but immobile in an ICU bed, little achievements are blessedly, annoying, significant.

Two days ago my father looked like a rag doll who had given up. But yesterday he looked like he was fighting again. This is so hard to watch. So hard to know.

We have two choices, the doctors say. Remove the vent and see what happens with the expectation that he will die. The second option is to remove the vent and surgically install a tracheal respirator which could be enough stress to kill him outright with no guarantee it will do anything for him long-term anyway. The tracheal vent would likely be permanent. And if his condition does not improve, which they say it won't, he will need to be moved to a 24-hour facility, like a vegetable, to be watched over. A man trapped in his own body with nothing but the hospital staff. There are only two facilities in Michigan who can perform such a task, at very high expense, and both are poorly rated with major corruption problems. Two horrible scenarios.

Removing Dad's ventilator is the hospital's first priority right now. And given their predictions, this basically means my father could be gone by Monday. I can't believe we're already considering this.

Secondary to his vent is the reason behind why he can't move. He shifts in his bed a little by subtly kicking his legs and shrugging his shoulders. He occasionally moves his head from side to side and follows you with his eyes, but this is all. He will not grasp my hand or move his extremities at all. The EEG seems to indicate some brain swelling that they are attributing to why he cannot move. There is no remedy for this. It's not a meningitis; not a bacterial or viral swell that can be medicated but rather a cellular swelling that has a long list of common causes from general stress to hardcore drug use. Time is the only cure. And with this vent needing to come out, this gives him until Sunday to cure himself.

My father has been in the MICU for 7 days. A rehab facility for 3 weeks before that. An step-down care hospital for 2 weeks before that, and at the VA hospital for 2 weeks before that. He went in for tiredness and chest pain (fluid around the heart and lungs) and once treated, he developed significant problems with pneumonia, delirium, malnutrition, and dehydration and ultimately THREE falls from his bed while in the rehab center. I realize that rehab centers are not full-blown hospitals, but this seems like complete incompetence to me. His falls, once I discovered them, prompted us to move him to a proper hospital which his "doctor" at the rehab center said was unnecessary and tried to block. I'm sure part of it was ego but I later discovered that a fall in rehab would mean the rehab center would have to pay for his transfer and after-care due to neglect which he clearly did not want to admit. After forcing his transfer, his new and current hospital admitted him immediately to the medical intensive care unit where he has remained. The staff at St. John's has done very well by him but we fear it may have come too late. They've been able to regain control of his pneumonia and malnutrition, and his numbers have progressed wonderfully. Behind the scenes however he's been suffering severe lethargy and psuedo-paralysis for reasons unknown. It feels like everything is one step forward two steps back.

A meeting between my two sisters, our spouses, and the team of doctors was called with the hospital's case workers. Their advice has been a solemn push to let him go. They say that he is not tracking their fingers or responding to simple commands. They say that when they take him off of the vent during their tests, that his breathing shoots almost immediately to 70 breaths per minute (10 to 12 is normal) and this is placing enormous stress on his heart and blood pressure which would give him a heart attack which would be non-recoverable in his condition. As such, they requested we sign a DNR. They say that were he to have a heart attack now, working to save him would cause greater damage and pain he could not sustain. There is no harder document in the world to have to sign. And I hope you never have to.

My sisters and I have, however, experienced very different things than what the doctors are seeing. When the three of us are in the room with him, he looks at us when we're talking and follows us as we move. He becomes more active and moves his body more, subtle though it may be. He also seems very much trapped in his body right now which is hard to watch and must be terrifying for him. He's so tired, and so sore, and so beaten down. Two months he's been in the hospital with no real food or sleep or hope. Yet at the same time, he seems so close to being better. My sisters and I asked to perform another breathing test while we were with him — they said they hope to get him to go 30 minutes on his own for the tests, and he's been unable to breach 5 minutes. But with us there, he went a full hour breathing at about 30-40 breaths per minute and could have gone longer but they stopped the test. These levels are still high, but very much sustainable and very much hopeful. When you're on a ventilator for a long period, the machine is doing the work for you; you do not have to draw a breath on your own so the muscles of you diaphragm become weaker. Combined with his already-very-low energy, it is a struggle to breathe. The techs say that they don't like to tell the patient that they're performing the test because of fear it makes them anxious (and cause fast breathing). Well, I don't know about you, but if someone remotely turns off my breathing machine and I suddenly feel like a ton of bricks is sitting on my chest, I'm going to panic and breath quickly too. With my sisters and I standing their and encouraging him to be calm and breath deep, we halved his breathing and I am so confident we can help him more. He just needs to strengthen his muscles and remember how to breath deeply. I am so confident. Yet at the same time I do not want to delude myself into false hope.

My youngest sister is a nurse practitioner who also works as an ICU nurse in North Carolina. It's been a relief to have her at our side for her medical interpretations and also to assuage my fears that I'm seeing what I want to see. So far, hope remains 50/50. Maybe even 60/40. I do not believe this situation is so easily resolved, but I do not believe it is a lost cause either.

Yet the more I talk with the doctors and case workers, the more I feel they just want me to say stop and give up. It's so much easier.

Fuck easier.

My father has survived so much; done so much. Falling to lethargy is not a rightful end, and I do not accept this so easily.

My father has no Advanced Directives or Will. No formal or spoken preferences for what he would want in a scenario like this. In some ways that would be easier. But since it's up to my sisters and I to solve, we are torn between extreme measures that will "save his life" albeit locked in shell, or letting him pass away.

There is a lot of family history here that comes into play and cannot be summarized in a journal. His relationship with my mother (divorced) has a dark emotional core. My sisters and I see him very infrequently and for short periods. He has begged us to come see him so often. The worst part to all of this is that I am the living embodiment of Harry Chapin's, "Cats in the Cradle"; we just never really connect. I see him twice a year for a few hours and he's always trying to do things with me that I just can't get to because of work and life and now here I am feeling insurmountably guilty and no light at the end of the tunnel. I just know that if he dies now, I will carry this guilt to my grave. Ironically, it is the same guilt he carries for his own father whom also passed far too early.

The men in my family from my great grandfather down are extremely smart, sensitive, introverts that make martyrs of themselves and go to great lengths to passively solve problems while trying hard not to become emotionally over-involved. Once we're involved emotionally, there is no going back and we're completely lost to it. It's why I cannot watch TV shows like "The Walking Dead"; they get into my head extremely deep. ...It's also why we fear hardship. Because once we are privy to your hardship, it becomes our hardship.

My father has been dying since I was seven. He had a heart attack and it shook the family, especially him. Many men have survived heart attacks (many don't). And although he made a magnificent recovery, he spent every day since reminding us that life is precious and fleeting and must be grasped while it's here. This is a common theme for all people who survive a trauma. My father however managed to use these reminders in ways that only terrified me more. Rather than seeing the gifts for what they were, my sisters and I were becoming fearful that he was right and that today could be his last. As a result I've spent 30 years subconsciously drifting further away trying to put distance between myself and the eventuality of my father's death. I've spent so many years wrought with fear and sadness waiting for this moment that I find myself ironically ill-prepared now that it may actually be here. I am sad for my father and terrified he may be dying but I am most upset about these many wasted years where I was too afraid to get close. This is the guilt I will forever carry. There is no alleviating this.

...

I am not sure what to do. And so thus I write.


Seize the moment while you can. Family is precious.

Yesterday was a really tough day. His condition has not improved since his admission into the MICU, except to say that all of the scary concerns have been quelled. His heart is still in afib (90 to 130 bpm), but his pneumonia is gone, all cultures have come back negative for infection, no internal bleeding, and his heart/lung/head/abdomen scans all show good, clear activity. He's been receiving 1500-calorie feedings daily via tube and he remains in the ventilator to assist breathing. The puzzling problem now is why he's still there. Everything shows that he's "okay" but he still cannot move and his breathing is too shallow. They've ruled out stroke and seizure but they're testing again with a 24 hour EEG scan. I really don't know what they'll find. If anything. Two months ago my dad was moving boulders and cutting lawns and then he got a bout of sudden tiredness. Now he's here fighting for his life. No one understands it. Now I've got case workers calling me daily to convince me to stop everything and just let things transpire on their own. Lovely bunch of people.

The worst part to all of this is that I am the living embodiment of Harry Chapin's, "Cats in the Cradle"; we just never really connect. I see him twice a year for a few hours and he's always trying to do things that I just can't get to because of work and life and now here I am feeling insurmountably guilty and no light at the end of the tunnel.

Seize the moment while you can. Family is precious.

Sorry for the disappearing act. My dad remains in critical condition in the ICU following heart failure that turned into pneumonia that turned into sepsis. He hasn't eaten in almost 7 weeks and his body is quite frail. I've been seeing him in the Medical ICU daily and I've finally managed to talk the doctors into intubating and adding a feeding tube. He's been to 4 hospitals and I swear doctors don't give a shit most of the time. They see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear and you have to make an ass of yourself to get them to believe something different. I am no doctor but food seems pretty important to me. His sepsis is hydration related and his pneumonia is lethargy related and his letahrgy is nutrition related. They're looking for everything from rare genetic disorders to super-bug infections and now they're thinking it's bone cancer. Good Lord. There's no cancer in our family and this condition began IN the hospital AFTER weeks of not eating. This is not an episode of House. Sometimes shit is easy. Sometimes the answers really are right in front of you. Anyway. He's improving but things are not looking great right now so I've disconnected from life a bit so that I can babysit doctors and world class specialists. I'll be back online soon I suspect. His condition is improving but very slowly.

I hope you're all well. Hug your loved ones.

Last night my dad went into the hospital for an emergency heart surgery so I will be off the grid for a few days.

I ask for you thoughts and prayers please.

This month is apparently a bad month for ordering things. Of the five orders I've placed (with respectable companies), three of them delivered blatantly incorrect materials. Now, I'd be inclined to think that with that kind of pattern that maybe the problem is with the order maker not the order taker... but all of my receipts are legit, so apparently this month is bad month for buying things. ...Or maybe warehouses should stop using robots to do shit people with eye balls used to do. One of those.

Grrrr.

I wonder if people will collect and revere fursuits throughout history for their artistic and engineered developmental brilliance? Much like how simple ‘motor carriages’ evolved into luxury sedans and enjoy a plethora of collectors, conventions and clubs, will anyone collect fursuit heads and suits over time in homage to their progression? Or indeed the artist behind it? Will people seek out "famous suits" made notorious by a wild or exciting design? Will people yearn to own a piece of furry history and brag about their ownership of a suit made famous for its eclectic owner/actor?

“And if you look at this specimen from the early Scribbles Fox era, you’ll notice the dramatic invention of the so-called, “Follow Me Eyes” that later became a staple in all newer heads! And this next model showcases the penultimate “Moving Jaw” feature made infamous initially by Scribbles and later adapted in the Latin Vixen model line. And next we see a suite of Beastcub designs which innovated the illusion of Digitigraded legs — the quintessential design element preferred and demanded by most fursuiters of the early 21st century…"

... He asked rhetorically.