I was hoping this year would be different, but unfortunately, my holiday plans were again ruined by work. I planned a holiday for myself for the past 2 weeks. I had 2 days off last Thursday and Friday, and now I have today, Friday. These days went away for other things I needed to do so basically my summer was today when I went to the bath for a day to relax.

Did I enjoy the day?

Nope, I spent the entire day sulking to my friends (who were all on their big holiday since they counted as people where they work, not as robots) about how life is unfair. Yeah the 1 day I had is wasted, and I can only can thank it to my self for not being able to let it go. (It's tough if it's only you who has to sacrifice your off time to the all-mighty profit of capitalism each year while your friend and bosses do have their nice long holidays.)

The other thing that impedes art progress was the super loan the government unleashed on us for "first-time house buyers's which is kinda doable. The first time in my 30 years of looking for a home to buy that it actually seems attainable. So I was looking for houses. BUT! There's a problem. This loan didn't help at all. SO NOT HELPED!

The thing is, there isn't enough housing available, and a real help would only be if there would be more housing on the market, not another loan to scheme out the poor like me from our last reserves.

What happened?
Very simply: Rich people paying cash for houses, like what I was looking for, outbid us for the house we wanted because they can pay cash in full, and we need to get a loan secured first. So it's gone, but not for long. The house I would have liked to buy will be back on the market soon with a price hike. So the stupid loan will not help me now because the thing I wanted will cost more than the loan would have helped.
Yay for the rich who can do a quick investment in me.
Step1: Buy the housing stock because they have the money for it.
Step2: hike up the price, so these suckers who can take up the loan (for a lifetime) will pay me back my investment with interest in a year.
Step3: Sell and reap the Profit.

Yeah, help young people to get their house. lol no. It's another way to make the rich richer. Oh, but you're wrong, there are built-in measures to stop price hikes. Like a fixed price / square meter. Heh lol yeah, all that meant is that everybody will increase their price to the fixed one, so at the end of the day, the price hike is still there.

Anyhow, with things like these going on, I'm completely unable to draw anything meaningful. As work and panic fill my waking hours.

Did I mention that my eye has a problem and I have pain and I would need to see a doctor, but I only got an appointment for 2 months from now?

This is fine! Everything is fine.

So art is not coming anywhere. I'm making art, but not this kind, and it's for other reasons. We are experiencing a drought again this year. 7 weeks of no rain at all. I had to hire someone to bring me water so that my garden won't turn into the deserts of Dune. To lessen the financial blow, I agreed to design vinyls and logos for them as a form of pay. That ofcourse eaten into the free time I used to spend drawing tits for you guys, so well thats it. Every year is worse than the previous. This journal fits nicely as a follow-up for the previous one. Show how there is always more to go down.

No.

Tough in my reality, this question sounds like this: "How much money did you make with your "art" (filth). None. I'm failing in that regard as well. Is that what would make everyone happy? That I fail in life, I fail in work, or in love, and in art? No money, no housing, no family, and kids? Yes, that's me.

I'm battling every day not to fall deeper into the dark hole I'm in. None of you around me is helping. I'm 40 I don't need smug observations, and scolding remarks. I'm not going to change my ways.

The one thing that I could use at this time is support instead of the smug remarks, but all I'm surrounded by are "know-it-alls". They don't want to listen to my issues because they already know the root cause.

I think I should go to sleep. Yeah, tomorrow may be a good day if no one around me talks to me, and I can make some more filth.

No.

Tough in my reality, this question sounds like this: "How much money did you make with your "art" (filth). None. I'm failing in that regard as well. Is that what would make everyone happy? That I fail in life, I fail in work, or in love, and in art? No money, no housing, no family, and kids? Yes, that's me.

I'm battling every day not to fall deeper into the dark hole I'm in. None of you around me is helping. I'm 40 I don't need smug observations, and scolding remarks. I'm not going to change my ways.

The one thing that I could use at this time is support instead of the smug remarks, but all I'm surrounded by are "know-it-alls". They don't want to listen to my issues because they already know the root cause.

I think I should go to sleep. Yeah, tomorrow may be a good day if no one around me talks to me, and I can make some more filth.

No art because the only free day I had was wasted on windows peeing itself and dying on me.

https://bsky.app/profile/landingzon...../3lnsawfrais2t

It's fixed now.

I had some time on my hand to write a few words so why not an update here?


I been busy as usual. Work is not kind to me, and also spring has arrived, and even if the family gardening business is no more, the land is still there and I still work it, but I could really use a bigger lawnmover, so it won't take a day. Okay it usually doesn't take a day, but this year there are many wild boars roaming around, and I kid you not they managed to plow the entire yard during the nighttimes while looking for food. Try to move grass when the yard is uprooted paches of weed. I kicked up more dirt than grass for sure.


Next topic, there is a weird eye problem I developed recently. My right eye has a weird white area in it if under pressure, or if I'm tired. (What I am always). Went to the ophthalmologist. He checked it with a machine for pressure and many else, and fond nothing. I was told that I had a little sinusitis and that had affected my right eye. I got eyedrops and were discharged with the advice that I should go back if the symptoms remain. Well, it mixed result. The slight pain I had in the eye is gone, but that white thing remained. I better go back for another visit. After all, the only good thing I got going for me was my excellent eye sight.

Not any more, I guess.


If I won't get my self entangled with unexpected medical bills, I might as well look into buying a electric bike to go to work. Running in a car every day is a costly endeavor. Work is only 18 km (11.185 mi) with a few hills thrown in for exercise and it's not cold anymore.

Art side: There are 2 pictures I'm working on dead slow. Nothing new here as well.

I wrote a pretty long journal about how this week of holiday turned from great hopes to a living hell. Then I deleted it, because who needs to read my nonesting love life falling through and the usual family drama? No one.

I'm just happy this site is back and it looks like nothing is a miss so far so I may post some art and forget about my crappy life while I draw and read comments and reply.

Hello

Didn't got areound to write a holiday all good wishes journal. So here it is now:

Hope you all have a great holiday!

I sadly had to work between the holidays what put a cap on how much free time I had to my art. There won't be any great progress reveals. :P
The rest of the holidays were mostly fine. Had food poisoning 2 week before, so I'm happy eat-least I can eat again.

I'm also glad that the visit are over. They tend to follow a straight pattern of question I hate:
Have you got a girl already? Where are our grand childrend? You almost 40 your getting to old. You will die sad and alone. (Yes I will I know that, thanks for the reminder).
For this I have a lot to say, but since they don't care it ususally just a waste of breath, but it helps to sour the mood. Expesially when they get to the part that all I do is draw "animal porn" in my free time. Ah the classic's.

All the support I get from family surrely helps. I mean I get remarks daily on how I waste my life and how I fail to live up to societies expections, it really helps to build confidence. I have a game quote for all this from Darktide: "Ignorance is thy best defence."

Hello

Didn't got areound to write a holiday all good wishes journal. So here it is now:

Hope you all have a great holiday!

I sadly had to work between the holidays what put a cap on how much free time I had to my art. There won't be any great progress reveals. :P
The rest of the holidays were mostly fine. Had food poisoning 2 week before, so I'm happy eat-least I can eat again.

I'm also glad that the visit are over. They tend to follow a straight pattern of question I hate:
Have you got a girl already? Where are our grand childrend? You almost 40 your getting to old. You will die sad and alone. (Yes I will I know that, thanks for the reminder).
For this I have a lot to say, but since they don't care it ususally just a waste of breath, but it helps to sour the mood. Expesially when they get to the part that all I do is draw "animal porn" in my free time. Ah the classic's.

All the support I get from family surrely helps. I mean I get remarks daily on how I waste my life and how I fail to live up to societies expections, it really helps to build confidence. I have a game quote for all this from Darktide: "Ignorance is thy best defence."

Hello

It's time for an update anyway.
I knew for a time that I may have to visit France for business stuff again, but I was not quite sure because we have our hands quite full of work here in hungary as well with an expanding production project. So it looked like our trip might be canceled due to the urgency lying elsewhere. After all the end of the year and all its associated deadlines are breathing down on our neck. That didn't be the case after all so I now write this to let you guys know that I will be away for this week so not much art will be done.
I don't expect much of this trip, it will be all rainy and cold, definitely not the best time for hiking around the French countryside. I wouldn't have the time for it anyway, it's called a business trip, not a company-paid vacation.
I hope to resume arting as fast as I can. See ya all soon.

I again have to leave for a business trip to the Netherlands. That will hinder art progress even more as I lack the tools to be able to work abroad, and since it a business trip not a vacation I doubt there will be many time for that anyway.

Just to let all of you know why there wont be much art again.

I again have to leave for a business trip to the Netherlands. That will hinder art progress even more as I lack the tools to be able to work abroad, and since it a business trip not a vacation I doubt there will be many time for that anyway.

Just to let all of you know why there wont be much art again.

Have a business trip to France. Not to Paris tough, but to the south.
These are the times I wish I had an artistic tablet. Sadly I dont.
Got to fly see ya all soon.

Didn't had an update in 5 months better write a new.

On life side theirs nothing new I work long hours for a very depreciated paycheck as inflation runs its turns on my savings.

There was also a bit of health condition. I had to go on operation because I had grown some very big sunspot trough my life and they had to be removed surgically. So that landed me a day in hospital, and afterwards some sleepless nights as all the cuts on my body made it pretty much impossible to find a position to sleep where nothing hurts. So theirs that, thanks for younger me to spending my youth out in the open always and getting sun burnt all the time. Okay it not like it was an option, I had to work in the greenhouses as a kid so while others were playing inside or had the summer vacations of their life I been burning under the sun, and it came back to bite me.

Other thing this operation lent me is some more time to think as obviously I cant do the usual workload I do till my scars heal. So thinking I did.

I have a hunch that other artist don't like to work for me. I mean that I commission more and more art from others as I can't draw my self more. There's tough a trend in all of them what I fund worrying. That I don't get any feedback from other artist. I done commissions in the past my self and I was trying to keep the costumer up to date with how their art is progressing. Something that trickle down to my scrap directory, just take a look and you can see its full of in progress pictures showing how things are going.
What I experience on the other end of the market me now being the costumer is:
Nothing for months.
I had several cases (please no one take this personally), where after several months I had to brake the silence and ask for an update on the commission I payed for. It's makes me feel bad, and wonder why is that:
Are my character so bland and bad, is it that I'm just a nobody to others? Do I act like a jerk in my mails or something so no one like to talk to me?

Oh they are just busy and don't have time to reply. I keep getting that. Sorry to blow everyone cheap excuse out of the water but we live in the modern world. You can reply to email's and dm's on you phone at any time unless you didn't departed from civilization to your hermit cave to make the art.
So why is it so hard to send me a few letters to keep me informed that things will eventually be done from time to time? I could feel a little less tense about where I spent my money. It feel like ordering anything in this fandom is more like a gamble I do each time.
A last note before I end my little rant I have a degree in marketing heres what it says: You guys are all terrible in costumer relations.

Little new update on why there is no art.

PC died and I had to reinstall everything, and set up everything because one of my old HDD failed, and it brought down my house of cards with it. I tell about it just below in detail:

It started with a Windows update last night. 100% done restarting. Than nothing for quite some time, and finally restarted with an instant blue screen for Recovery, letting me know that a important component is missing or disconnected. You can press anything you like and nothing will happen.
I toke apart the machine tested nvme ssd card to see if it died because it only about a year old, so it would be strange for it to let it go so soon. Its fine. Still PC don't start and you can't select the device as botable, but you can shove it into another machine and its there fine and dandy. So what gives? I spent quite some time figuring it out.
Be me. Poor guy: You never can buy a full new machine because you poor. So you do small buys only what necessary. You end up with a PC which has new stuff like motherboard and the previously mentioned nvme card, with 10+ years old hdd, floppy disk, cd-rom, tablet still kicking around in the setup. Why? "If it aint broken." This is not the main issue but just a prelude to what else this leads to. Since there was a gradual evolution instead of the "out with the old in with the new" that made something very special possible. That my Windows 7 slowly evolved into a windows 10 with cloning, upgrading. It was never a complete reinstall. Win10 was running from the shiny new nvme ssd card, oh but the win-loader partition was on the old HDD it was first set up to all those years ago. That HDD just failed yesterday during windows update. So windows couldn't load but was stuck in the update restart cycle so it refused to start into repair mode because you were doing an update what need to be finished, oh but you can't start windows because there is no loader partition to be found to do it for you. The OS is practically there for you on the new SSD, but you can't get it to load up no matter which tool you use.
You have to wipe everything and do a reinstall for it to create everything anew. You just lost everything on the nvme ssd card to reinstall windows with the correct partitioning, and have a dead HDD to recover if you lucky.

Guess what was on the failed HDD?
Yup good ol Photoshop is gone. Recovery didn't even recognized the partition. Its not like you can't reinstall PS, but you surely can't get back those personal settings, brushes, swatches, and that font collection you worked with the past 4 years. All gone. This stopped all arting in its track for this week, and made me a very unhappy man.

Hope you enjoyed the geek stuff. Art may come once I settle back to doing things.

Controversial take. The only Star Trek that is still Star Trek today is Lower Decks.

Just so I don't have sad life update journals all the time.

There might be a bit of a lack of art because of work stress. I don't like when I get a .ppt summary of a meeting of big boss men. Full of things that are now my job to do. It comes across as kind of disrespectful, and kind of stressing when they spill the beans to me and then keep talking about the importance of these new programs daily.

So what thing I didn't reveal to the world?

The hail in May actually didn't just damage the greenhouses https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47421691/ It also damaged the house. It tore some massive holes into my window shutter, because my window was facing in the wrong direction, from where the golf balls were coming. The glass also cracked. So something needed to be done. I tough had to do it smartly as Europe is also in a nice energy crisis, and winter will be a cold one. Smart means: Better insulation and less heat wasting. I had decided to go all in and get the doors and windows from the 1950-60s taken out and modernized. I and the family were planning this for a long long time now, but in 2017 storm toke the roof of the house, and I haven't ever recovered from it financially. https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23947979/ I didn't really want to do it this year because of how much inflation raised the prices, maybe if the war would end prices would be more favorable, but the hail breaking my stuff kinda decided that it's now or freezing to death later.

So today the workers finished fitting the last doors, were paid, and went. I'm officially again broke just like in 2017. This means I will again going to take on extra work at the factory (until there is a factory where I can take work on). => There will be even less art. Sorry. Hopefully, this will all be worth it when the cold days will arrive.

In a controversial move before I drained my account for good I also went out of my way to get a few commissions ordered, because "fuck it". I haven't been on vacation or really anywhere ever since I passed 20, I have been laboring for more than 2 decades, for life to give lemons to me from time to time, and ruin my finances repeatedly. All I wished is to be in a good enough position so that I won't need to slave my life away and do my art stuff more. That tough is not an option then at least I can get a few pieces of work from people I admire and give some serotonin to my mind, and also to those who like what I do. So maybe a few more pieces of art even if not mine will drop here in the future.

So it's time for an update journal since the last one is 4 months old.

What happened? Well, maybe the most significant is that my gardening business is going to end. I was growing flowers for the local market and for some municipalities. There was a quite damaging hail storm https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47421691/ but that is not what put the final nail in the coffin. It is Hungary's amendment of the law for small business taxing called "KATA". That effectively made it impossible for me to continue the business, I would need to change my taxing method to a much worse one. So even if I could have coughed up the money for damage repair I'm sure we won't be profitable anymore, so this is the end. Not to mention the huge inflation and the energy crisis. My other job is still there so I won't starve to death, but I spent the greater part of my life laboring in the family business, and after decades of work I can be happy if it won't be a loss when it all ends. Hard labor will surely pay off in the end, eh? No, it won't.

Arting tough not stopped so I still will deliver something from time to time, so that's something I guess.

It really sucks to find out that when the hard times came your colleagues let you in shit. I'm kinda devastated because with some of them I have been working on for a long time now. I have been expecting better from them. What a letdown.

Again in times of need, it turns out I'm all alone, to face the problems.

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
Rule #34: War is good for business.

It was so good for business that the currency I earn my wage in has fallen to never seen depths, even if it's not Rubel, it Hungarian worthless forint. So there is nice big inflation going on right now. Like food items doubling in price in a year. Gas shortage so I havve to spend hours in a line to fill up on the station. Other fun stuff.
I was finally started to do a bit better and even had made a small investment to save funds up for something maybe a screen tablet who knows? Well, that also went down thanks to Putin's war.

What I feel is that I worked as a slave for 10 years, barely spending living like a spartan, paying back loans, student depth, and trying to save every penny. For what? For the first crisis to take its way. A life worth living. This feeling has crippled me so there is no art. I also don't know when will there be, because right now I have to come to terms that a decade of my life is gone. So I just sit here alone, in a cold room, and do depressing things like trying to figure out how this all went so wrong.

Let's have toast for dinner. Done. Let's sit down and continue work. Hmm, something is off. Starts cleaning bread crumbs from my mouth. Did my teeth just break to pieces?

YES! Yes, it did.

Hi
Long time no update. So what happend with me?
I got Covid. I had 1 day fever, and cough. I was sure it common cold since it come and gone in a day. To be safe I did a test. It was positive. *Suprise
10 day quarantine.

This wont do good for work.

So I suffered from an immense vertigo today noon. The type when you vomit too because it was so dizzying.

I was diagnosed with Posterior Canal Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV)

Joy. Now I can't sleep as I used to. How I will do that is a mystery. Probably less sleep.

*a day latter

It was less sleep. Oh, and vertigo came back to not as bad but it's there. Let see what the doctor has to say about that.

And well nobody cared. Except for a very select few. I even got a box of chocolate, which I shouldn't have eat because of my reflux. :P I'm quite sure I tell people from time to time that I'm not that good with sweets anymore. Anyhow at least work was a bit more relaxed than usual, even got a small trip (to fix something) so there was a break from the grey everydays. So I got that going for me which is nice.