FA+
Shop
UPDATE PLEASE READ adopts for tomorrow and streaming toni...
Posted 3 years agookay so I know I promised gothic alien adopts and I didn’t deliver - long story short I got stumped as hell and did something random. However, tonight’s stream will be finishing one comm and doing some dnd inspired adopts. Feel free to drop by when I do, I’ll post my stream here in a journal and submit a picture for it with the link.
I’ll be doing it after work, I got four and a half hours left to go. See you then!
Also I’ve decided to make a server for my streams comms and adopts on discord. It’ll take a bit to set up, I’m not really sure about how to go about doing it, but I’ll look up some tutorials on what a staple server kind of looks like.
I’ll be doing it after work, I got four and a half hours left to go. See you then!
Also I’ve decided to make a server for my streams comms and adopts on discord. It’ll take a bit to set up, I’m not really sure about how to go about doing it, but I’ll look up some tutorials on what a staple server kind of looks like.
Streaming Designs + Question
Posted 3 years agohttps://www.picarto.tv/Ginsuke adopts!
If anyone is interested in a private discord for my art streams (adopts,comms,etc), let me know! I want to get back into doing those things, so just comment below if something like that interests you and I'll put something together : )
If anyone is interested in a private discord for my art streams (adopts,comms,etc), let me know! I want to get back into doing those things, so just comment below if something like that interests you and I'll put something together : )
discord
Posted 3 years agoI am no longer using this app for communications after many deliberations to quit, and a constant issue with social bs in general. I got tired of unequal interest in continuing a friendship and I’m tired of being depressed over people that do this to me and I realized fretting over this is a waste of time. Everybody seems to be the same, and uninterested in actual engagement at all. I’m done being frustrated and wondering if people actually give a shit about me or not anymore.
If you need to contact me, you can do so here in notes/etc or on my twitter, which I also am trying to learn how it works, so possibly a direct message on there would be for the best.
If you need to contact me, you can do so here in notes/etc or on my twitter, which I also am trying to learn how it works, so possibly a direct message on there would be for the best.
adopts
Posted 3 years agowill be making more adopts friday, alien and goth based
thoughts about my future on social media
Posted 3 years agoHow should I put this in terms to where people won’t get offended for me venting?
There is probably no good way to put this at all so I’m going to come out and say it as it is.
I’m hurting a lot.
Emotionally.
This year has been full of positive things and towards the last two months it’s taken a turn for the worst. I’m also recovering from a work related injury a customer so kindly provided to me.
Earlier this year, I realized eventually I was losing two people I talked to slowly over the years and the relationships just weren’t the same. No matter how much I put effort into it, paid attention to them, or even supported them, I got nothing out of it. I’d be ignored for other people, or maybe they just forgot about me all together who knows.
I eventually gave up on trying to talk to people until I reached a mental state of loneliness that I couldn’t break out of. Eventually after convincing myself to speak to others again, it went well for a little, just for it to end up the same. It really sucks because I am so tired of people telling me they know how I feel and express how much they like spending time with me just to forget me like I was something temporary. Sure, people have lives, but I can’t keep being the only person to try in friendships and when I see people active elsewhere what am I supposed to think? I guess I just don’t fit in?
Why ask me how I’m doing if I tell you how it is and you just never respond? Why should I give people any of my time when it’s met with temporary interest?
Why do people have to constantly abandon me and act like I don’t exist?
I’m tired of always being the first one to talk, first one to care, first one to apologize how I’m feeling because I feel awkward about it all and I don’t wanna have people feel uncomfortable around me, but why am I thinking this way? It’s toxic towards myself to think I’m a problem in the first place, but no one has tried to help me feel otherwise, especially if they claim to care.
I had an emotional episode and left a chat the other day and I got completely ignored. No one bothered to talk to me or ask if I was okay, and it’s been over a week so fuck me right?
It’s precisely why I chose to be alone in the first place, and I knew even though it hurt super bad to be alone, it was much better than being forgotten.
I don’t like expressing myself to people who assure me that it’s okay do to so only to have them distance themselves in the end. It takes a lot of trust for me to open up and it’s a lot of anxiety and trauma I have to work through just to give an inch of who I actually am sometimes.
People don’t seem to understand I went through actual physical and emotional abuse from my family and partners(one of which I couldn’t escape for nearly seven years), and expecting me to be “normal” isn’t right. I suffer a lot in relationships in general just trying to be normal, and I try my best, but sometimes my ptsd comes back from trauma either from a misunderstanding or a moment where I think I offended someone when I didn’t and the best thing to help me is to have people there to support me. But why am I always here for someone and no one is there for me?
Expressing my concerns seems to do nothing as well, these things still end up happening anyway.
I’ve had to repeat this process so many times that sometimes I reach a point of covering up all my feelings and acting like I don’t give a shit.
The problem is I’m lying to myself when I do this and eventually it gets to me.
I feel like my trust in humanity is completely broken and I have a seething rage backed by an infinite hurt for people at this point.
I don’t know how to express the emotional struggle I’m going through right now, but in basic terms I’m angry and depressed.
Why did I think that for once I wasn’t going to be left behind?
I just wish I meant something.
My fear of abandonment and anxiety about finding a real group to care for me as much as I do for them has finally led me to emotional ruin.
I’m tired of disassociating with myself and what I need just to survive.
Because of this I’ve come to terms with how my social media life is going to go. Whether that means I truly do disappear or just not interact at all on my multiple platforms is a grey area for me right now.
I might stop posting adopts and mainly focus on myself and my art, I might restart on a new account, I might even exclusively move my designs to a discord server…or I might just delete everything in general.
All I really do know right now is I feel like everyone has lied to me and I haven’t felt so meaningless in my entire life.
There is probably no good way to put this at all so I’m going to come out and say it as it is.
I’m hurting a lot.
Emotionally.
This year has been full of positive things and towards the last two months it’s taken a turn for the worst. I’m also recovering from a work related injury a customer so kindly provided to me.
Earlier this year, I realized eventually I was losing two people I talked to slowly over the years and the relationships just weren’t the same. No matter how much I put effort into it, paid attention to them, or even supported them, I got nothing out of it. I’d be ignored for other people, or maybe they just forgot about me all together who knows.
I eventually gave up on trying to talk to people until I reached a mental state of loneliness that I couldn’t break out of. Eventually after convincing myself to speak to others again, it went well for a little, just for it to end up the same. It really sucks because I am so tired of people telling me they know how I feel and express how much they like spending time with me just to forget me like I was something temporary. Sure, people have lives, but I can’t keep being the only person to try in friendships and when I see people active elsewhere what am I supposed to think? I guess I just don’t fit in?
Why ask me how I’m doing if I tell you how it is and you just never respond? Why should I give people any of my time when it’s met with temporary interest?
Why do people have to constantly abandon me and act like I don’t exist?
I’m tired of always being the first one to talk, first one to care, first one to apologize how I’m feeling because I feel awkward about it all and I don’t wanna have people feel uncomfortable around me, but why am I thinking this way? It’s toxic towards myself to think I’m a problem in the first place, but no one has tried to help me feel otherwise, especially if they claim to care.
I had an emotional episode and left a chat the other day and I got completely ignored. No one bothered to talk to me or ask if I was okay, and it’s been over a week so fuck me right?
It’s precisely why I chose to be alone in the first place, and I knew even though it hurt super bad to be alone, it was much better than being forgotten.
I don’t like expressing myself to people who assure me that it’s okay do to so only to have them distance themselves in the end. It takes a lot of trust for me to open up and it’s a lot of anxiety and trauma I have to work through just to give an inch of who I actually am sometimes.
People don’t seem to understand I went through actual physical and emotional abuse from my family and partners(one of which I couldn’t escape for nearly seven years), and expecting me to be “normal” isn’t right. I suffer a lot in relationships in general just trying to be normal, and I try my best, but sometimes my ptsd comes back from trauma either from a misunderstanding or a moment where I think I offended someone when I didn’t and the best thing to help me is to have people there to support me. But why am I always here for someone and no one is there for me?
Expressing my concerns seems to do nothing as well, these things still end up happening anyway.
I’ve had to repeat this process so many times that sometimes I reach a point of covering up all my feelings and acting like I don’t give a shit.
The problem is I’m lying to myself when I do this and eventually it gets to me.
I feel like my trust in humanity is completely broken and I have a seething rage backed by an infinite hurt for people at this point.
I don’t know how to express the emotional struggle I’m going through right now, but in basic terms I’m angry and depressed.
Why did I think that for once I wasn’t going to be left behind?
I just wish I meant something.
My fear of abandonment and anxiety about finding a real group to care for me as much as I do for them has finally led me to emotional ruin.
I’m tired of disassociating with myself and what I need just to survive.
Because of this I’ve come to terms with how my social media life is going to go. Whether that means I truly do disappear or just not interact at all on my multiple platforms is a grey area for me right now.
I might stop posting adopts and mainly focus on myself and my art, I might restart on a new account, I might even exclusively move my designs to a discord server…or I might just delete everything in general.
All I really do know right now is I feel like everyone has lied to me and I haven’t felt so meaningless in my entire life.
selling ocs
Posted 3 years agoout of desperation at this point, my paycheck doesn't add up correctly and I need extra money for a bill of $440 on the 6th
https://i.gyazo.com/391173f71655988.....49df29ee4f.png here is a screenshot of my folder, feel free to ask me for screenshots of inside the folders if you are interested in the characters at all, and I'm willing to discount them from the price posted
thank you!
https://i.gyazo.com/391173f71655988.....49df29ee4f.png here is a screenshot of my folder, feel free to ask me for screenshots of inside the folders if you are interested in the characters at all, and I'm willing to discount them from the price posted
thank you!
kind of in a bind right now
Posted 3 years agocaught myself having no more than $200 in the bank after rent for this upcoming month and I've got a $400 bloodwork bill to pay by the 10th so I'm gonna be posting my ocs and adopts for sale
if you have any ideas of what else I can do other than ychs and commissions bc those are closed for now, let me know
or even ideas of what to theme things on... thank you
if you have any ideas of what else I can do other than ychs and commissions bc those are closed for now, let me know
or even ideas of what to theme things on... thank you
hi guys
Posted 3 years agosmall update
I've fought the idea as long as I could, but I've found that I really just don't enjoy drawing anymore unless it's purely because I want to
in the long run, I'm going to have to refund everyone who commissioned me and are waiting on me
it won't be today, because I'm tight on money, but starting next month (or if my adopts sell before then), there will be refunds
I will no longer take ychs unless I am willing to draw them all in one day, and there will only be daily slots
when it comes to commissions, it will be the same way
one price, result in one day
I think this way it will make my art shine more in my eyes, because I've felt myself slacking and I don't like what I see at all when I produce the work
Thank you for always being supportive and understanding, I really hope to get back to my old self when I draw, and I do believe this is what's best for both you and me, that way we are both happy with the result : )
I've fought the idea as long as I could, but I've found that I really just don't enjoy drawing anymore unless it's purely because I want to
in the long run, I'm going to have to refund everyone who commissioned me and are waiting on me
it won't be today, because I'm tight on money, but starting next month (or if my adopts sell before then), there will be refunds
I will no longer take ychs unless I am willing to draw them all in one day, and there will only be daily slots
when it comes to commissions, it will be the same way
one price, result in one day
I think this way it will make my art shine more in my eyes, because I've felt myself slacking and I don't like what I see at all when I produce the work
Thank you for always being supportive and understanding, I really hope to get back to my old self when I draw, and I do believe this is what's best for both you and me, that way we are both happy with the result : )
update please read!!
Posted 3 years agoHi guys! Finally working in the new place and it's GREAT!!
I'ma be off Monday and Tuesday of next week, so things will be worked on then and I might even stream : ) thanks for the patience and sorry to keep you waiting!!
I'ma be off Monday and Tuesday of next week, so things will be worked on then and I might even stream : ) thanks for the patience and sorry to keep you waiting!!
fml update?
Posted 3 years agoso despite almost making rent this month (thanks to those who have helped me) I have checked my account in my bank and it shows I only have about $700 to my name
so...
expect more adopts as much as I don't like to spam you guys, I'm really hoping this job picks up next month and I can get in some hard hours so I can start saving again...
idk how to feel rn
so...
expect more adopts as much as I don't like to spam you guys, I'm really hoping this job picks up next month and I can get in some hard hours so I can start saving again...
idk how to feel rn
2 headshot comm slots open
Posted 3 years agoI need to make about $300 more for rent ;-;
$40 icon headshot (chibi) https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23134587/
Stylized: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/46777726/
Semi realistic: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47080855/
Headshots are $45 flat colored and $55 shaded
1.
2.
Comment to claim a slot!
$40 icon headshot (chibi) https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23134587/
Stylized: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/46777726/
Semi realistic: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/47080855/
Headshots are $45 flat colored and $55 shaded
1.
2.
Comment to claim a slot!
update with adopts
Posted 3 years agohttps://gyazo.com/74b3ba86f041847d401a85b41f40fbaa I'm tempted to keep two of them so I'm gonna make 4 - 8 more u u
work has kinda screwed me so I'm looking for another job
I don't have the money to put gas in my car or drive to work or take my boyfriend
they also have cut my hours to basically 15.
I have an interview tomorrow so there's that to look forward to at least ;-;
work has kinda screwed me so I'm looking for another job
I don't have the money to put gas in my car or drive to work or take my boyfriend
they also have cut my hours to basically 15.
I have an interview tomorrow so there's that to look forward to at least ;-;
upcoming adopts
Posted 3 years agobased on some "league themes"
#1 so far... https://gyazo.com/c31e37f939d49b4c1bbd798e2697fb59 "Dark Star"
#1 so far... https://gyazo.com/c31e37f939d49b4c1bbd798e2697fb59 "Dark Star"
ummmm??
Posted 3 years agohttps://gyazo.com/2dca6ad9061188896482bd8217226a36
is anyone else having this issue? I didn't upload (#1 and #3) these as thumbnails...
https://gyazo.com/bb8eaf9c02308370fc81ee3fa1a6659b what is happening???
I've now changed my password idk how this happened ???
is anyone else having this issue? I didn't upload (#1 and #3) these as thumbnails...
https://gyazo.com/bb8eaf9c02308370fc81ee3fa1a6659b what is happening???
I've now changed my password idk how this happened ???
hi I will be making designs today.
Posted 3 years agoI have a few people I'd like to refund for the long wait time, I have a big bill to pay, and someone who scammed me did a chargeback on me last week... I had nothing in paypal so I'm in the negative.
yep, I wish I had the pay I did three months ago, then I wouldn't even blink an eye and be able to help people/recover from this faster, but I don't.
sorry for the long wait on comms, I've been trying desperately to pick up hours at work..
yep, I wish I had the pay I did three months ago, then I wouldn't even blink an eye and be able to help people/recover from this faster, but I don't.
sorry for the long wait on comms, I've been trying desperately to pick up hours at work..
Looking for rp
Posted 3 years agoUnlike my journal from before, I'm looking for a specific rp theme that will feature one of my personas, Saikou. https://toyhou.se/15039696.saikou
I know she has a furry form here, but I've ended up attaching myself more to.her kemonomimi form. I am fine with roleplayng with anthros. The premises of this theme revolves around the setting of a combined feudal japan and modern aesthetic. Think of something like Runeterra-esque from League of Legends. Saikou has a very specific role she plays, has morals and aspirations. Aside from side characters now and then, I will mostly be playing her. She is a reaper of sorts, using her powers to help the dying and dead into the spirit rhelm where they can pass on and be safe. Her bell contains the souls that she carries with her, only able to release them once a month on a full moon. Too many souls and her bell enlarges and she has difficulty controlling her demon blood. As a hybrid, she and her mother (who is now passed), were the only non human entities welcomed by the village as her mother sought to end the ruthless ways between demons and man. The lineage her father grew up in protected the village, and took care of their own; now that Saikou was born he taught her those ways as well, which is how she came to be as she is now. A protector of the town. On a blood moon she is nowhere to be found. It is a time she hides from the world. The souls she harbors can coat her katana blade, for her to slay demons and protect herself and others from evil. She is not able to use the sword to kill the innocent. More to her background if you are interested, her character is thought out and I'd love to experience the chance to roleplay her.
If you are interested, let me know! I am open to roleplaying with other female characters, but if you wish for a possible romance along the way, I would be more comfortable with a male counterpart.
Thank you for your time! : ) note me if interested
I know she has a furry form here, but I've ended up attaching myself more to.her kemonomimi form. I am fine with roleplayng with anthros. The premises of this theme revolves around the setting of a combined feudal japan and modern aesthetic. Think of something like Runeterra-esque from League of Legends. Saikou has a very specific role she plays, has morals and aspirations. Aside from side characters now and then, I will mostly be playing her. She is a reaper of sorts, using her powers to help the dying and dead into the spirit rhelm where they can pass on and be safe. Her bell contains the souls that she carries with her, only able to release them once a month on a full moon. Too many souls and her bell enlarges and she has difficulty controlling her demon blood. As a hybrid, she and her mother (who is now passed), were the only non human entities welcomed by the village as her mother sought to end the ruthless ways between demons and man. The lineage her father grew up in protected the village, and took care of their own; now that Saikou was born he taught her those ways as well, which is how she came to be as she is now. A protector of the town. On a blood moon she is nowhere to be found. It is a time she hides from the world. The souls she harbors can coat her katana blade, for her to slay demons and protect herself and others from evil. She is not able to use the sword to kill the innocent. More to her background if you are interested, her character is thought out and I'd love to experience the chance to roleplay her.
If you are interested, let me know! I am open to roleplaying with other female characters, but if you wish for a possible romance along the way, I would be more comfortable with a male counterpart.
Thank you for your time! : ) note me if interested
does anyone play league?
Posted 3 years agoJust wondering if anyone here does
I'd like to have some people to play with sometimes, I don't have too much "free time", but lemme know if you're interested : )
I don't do ranked - I started my placements but didn't finish them, not sure if I will do so anytime soon
I'm learning some new champs, but I mostly just play for fun
I need friends lol : ( I'm on NA server
I'd like to have some people to play with sometimes, I don't have too much "free time", but lemme know if you're interested : )
I don't do ranked - I started my placements but didn't finish them, not sure if I will do so anytime soon
I'm learning some new champs, but I mostly just play for fun
I need friends lol : ( I'm on NA server
selling ocs
Posted 3 years agohttps://sta.sh/2zpw7pcp22x?edit=1 just a reminder! Will be adding more
working on stuff next 2 days
Posted 3 years agohave work after the next two days, so trying to take this time to knock out comms/etc
A job finally
Posted 3 years agoI finally got a job > <
It's only 25-30ish hours a week, but it's better than nothing, has better benefits, and I can get free food every day I work ;-;/
Right now trying to get the boyfriend a new job as well, one closer to home, but for now he stays at our old work place.
We have something lined up for him but we have to follow up on it.
So yeah...I will be partnering with Starbucks! I'm looking forward to working there - the staff seems to be very nice, and I get to learn the craft which is really exciting to me.
I'll also be able to manage stuff online here as well, so that'll be a good balance. : )
It's only 25-30ish hours a week, but it's better than nothing, has better benefits, and I can get free food every day I work ;-;/
Right now trying to get the boyfriend a new job as well, one closer to home, but for now he stays at our old work place.
We have something lined up for him but we have to follow up on it.
So yeah...I will be partnering with Starbucks! I'm looking forward to working there - the staff seems to be very nice, and I get to learn the craft which is really exciting to me.
I'll also be able to manage stuff online here as well, so that'll be a good balance. : )
streaming later tonight
Posted 3 years agoworking on owed stuff/etc
currently looking for another job
Posted 3 years agoafter being screamed at so much at this job I finally just couldn't do it anymore
not to mention two people got hired for the position I was being cross trained for...
Even came in on days off, did multiple openings mid shifts and closings to be trained for it all for the position to be taken away from me, the company to decide 30 hrs is now the norm for a typical 40hr work week if you're "full time" and despite being with the company long enough to be eligible, the only way for me to get 30 was to be that position I was going into. Well I got screwed from 40 to 20 because they wouldn't give me the position after those two got hired so it really fucked me over
I ended up quitting today after cleaning all the stations and cooking all the things and getting it ready for night shift because I didn't wanna leave it a mess like they always do to me
got cornered before leaving just to be screamed at by my assistant manager who was mad I was quitting in the first place, I told him it's none of his business and that I already told store management I was quitting, but he took it personal anyway...store manager saw it right there because he only stood a few feet away and said nothing.
I'm going in tomorrow for an interview, hopefully will get the job, I can't do the whole "Freelance 24/7" thing anymore, I need to get outside
so for now, my money will be made here until then
a lot is going on right now and I'm a bit scared, but hoping for the best.
not to mention two people got hired for the position I was being cross trained for...
Even came in on days off, did multiple openings mid shifts and closings to be trained for it all for the position to be taken away from me, the company to decide 30 hrs is now the norm for a typical 40hr work week if you're "full time" and despite being with the company long enough to be eligible, the only way for me to get 30 was to be that position I was going into. Well I got screwed from 40 to 20 because they wouldn't give me the position after those two got hired so it really fucked me over
I ended up quitting today after cleaning all the stations and cooking all the things and getting it ready for night shift because I didn't wanna leave it a mess like they always do to me
got cornered before leaving just to be screamed at by my assistant manager who was mad I was quitting in the first place, I told him it's none of his business and that I already told store management I was quitting, but he took it personal anyway...store manager saw it right there because he only stood a few feet away and said nothing.
I'm going in tomorrow for an interview, hopefully will get the job, I can't do the whole "Freelance 24/7" thing anymore, I need to get outside
so for now, my money will be made here until then
a lot is going on right now and I'm a bit scared, but hoping for the best.
hi (need feedback PLEASE)
Posted 3 years agoso...I have to look for another job. The company I work for decided to drop 40hrs from full time to 30 hrs...and now I'm averaging about 24/30 a week. I can't live off of this, so I need some ideas...
What would you guys like to see in designs? I wanna just make some set prices as well, some cheap ones, basically like $25 each, and some for auction.
What themes would you be interested in?
What would you guys like to see in designs? I wanna just make some set prices as well, some cheap ones, basically like $25 each, and some for auction.
What themes would you be interested in?
Raising Money for Dog!
Posted 3 years agoall adopt funds will be going towards moving my dog into my house ;; gotta save up about $500 to move him in!
Working on things on Saturday + computer reset
Posted 3 years agoYes, I will be back and working - however it was going to be today, but I had to reset my ENTIRE pc due to the fact it was running so poorly, I had no clue what was going on. It was a long time coming...and this time I was able save everything. For now, things are good with it, but work will continue after all of my stuff is reinstalled. I'll try to get to some things I owe today, but Saturday for SURE!
Ready to finish what I owe, and ready to pump out a design or two and maybe some personal sketches if I can motivate myself enough.
Ready to finish what I owe, and ready to pump out a design or two and maybe some personal sketches if I can motivate myself enough.
