Saleen will be euthanized next week, as long as I can afford it. This will be the hardest thing I've ever done. I have to do this because I just can't keep up with her care. She having accidents, which isn't a huge deal, things can be washed, floors can be cleaned. But because I have to work 2 jobs, I can't be home to make sure she isn't soaked in urine or laying in her poop. And that makes me feel so guilty. She is happy, there is no pain. She doesn't care that she can't walk and that she just lays there. And that hurts the most. Knowing if she was with another family they wouldn't be facing this choice so soon. I don't really have anyone to talk to, all I get is "I'm so sorry" or "it's gonna be OK". I don't know how to tell them how guilty I feel. I don't even know it would help if I could.

Have you ever been at a point in your life where no matter what you do, you are constantly being knocked down to the ground at every turn?

This is where I'm at right now. I feel like I just can't catch a break. After I moved out from my ex, things were ok. I was adjusting and enjoying my new place. That lasted all of a month. I have since found out the my roommates, who I am, for a good part, financially dependant upon are looking for another place to live. All because the 4th person they moved in a few weeks ago without any notice, who doesn't have a job and who just sits here and plays the ps4, is doing more cleaning than I am. The original agreement was I keep the house clean and pay the utilities, while the other 2 pay the rent. I pay less than them, so I was ok with that. Until they moved the other guy in, I had no notice. They came home and said he would be here in 3 days. He doesn't have a job and doesn't seem to be looking for one. I assumed that, since I am at least paying something, he would do the cleaning. I was wrong, I was supposed to be completely ok with bringing another person in and support him fully, He shouldn't be doing most of the cleaning, that's still my job. Oh, and when he does get a job, he won't be paying anything at all. And they refuse to put him on the lease, which not only breaks our lease agreement, it also breaks the law because the state requires anyone over the age of 18 be on the lease.

So now those three are looking for another place to live and the only reason I know about it was because the new guy was kind enough to tell me. I wouldn't of even known anything until the day they wanted to be signed off the lease because that's what she did to a mutual friend about a year ago. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can't keep up the place by myself and I'm not gonna find roommates that will agree to pay more than me. I called the renting company and from my understanding, they probably won't even let me stay if the others get signed off the lease because they know I can't afford it. I'm stuck and scared and honestly I just want my life to be quiet for a while. I have never been so full of anger and rage than I have been the past week. I have done nothing to these people and they don't care what effects their actions have on the people around them. Everyone said it was gonna get better after I move and if anything it's gotten worse.

I am now 25 years old! Yay!

Another year older and another year wiser. I've grown stronger and more mature. This year has been hard. Here's hoping next year is a little better for me.

Saleen is getting a cart! I'm so excited!

A group called CorgiAid has donated carts of corgis who no longer need them and for a small fee, if they have one that will fit, they will loan you one for your corgi to use.

I was so worried because she is going down faster that I thought and with having to pay Shelby's bill, I just can't save up for a new one when they are $400.

I hope to get it in the next few weeks. I have set up a session with the trainer in my store to help me help her adjust. I've worked with almost every animal, but I am lost when it comes to dogs in wheelchairs.

I had a blast while I was there! I know there were some issues but they didn't really effect me. This was not only my first fur con, but my first con in general. I got to hang out with people I hadn't seen in years, which made me so happy. The hotel wasn't bad, the heat was an issues but I just didn't suit as much as I wanted. I kept my room as low as it would go so it would feel nice when I got back. I got 2 badges commissioned of Sahara as well as a Nightfury badge for my extra large toothless plush  glacidea is making for me.

I got a massive ego boost every time I suited. Every single time I had multiple people compliment my suit and how well it looked and that I smelled great! In fact I was lucky enough not to have much contact with anyone who smelled. The one exception, who I won't name because I don't want an issue, was a well known suiter that I hugged who smelled horrible of bo. One would think being so well known and popular, they would of taken extra care to be presentable.

But overall I had a great con, I had no issues with anyone, I hope to go back next year!

What hotel are you staying at?
Main hotel

Arrival/Departure
Thurs - Sunday

Means of transportation?
Car

Are you sharing a room with someone?
A friend who doesn't have an FA at the moment so I can't link him

Who do you hang out with?
As many people as I can. I have a large number of friends going so I hope to see all of them at some point

Relationship Status
Very complicated

How old are you?
24

How tall are you?
5'3"

Are you an Artist?
Kinda

Do you have an artist table?
No

Do you take commissions?
Sure

Do you do trades?
Maybe

Are you a Fursuiter?
YES!

Attending parties?
Most likely, and most likely having a party in my room!

Do you drink?
Yep

Can I buy you a drink?
Please! But I tend to be picky and like the expensive stuff :/

Do you smoke?
No

Are you attending any panels?
No idea

Stage or public performance?
maybe, depending on how many drinks I get :P

How do I identify my self to you?
Say hi

Rules of engagement (physical contact)?
If I do not know you, ask before hugging. If I do know you, I will probably be the one pouncing you

How can I find you?
No idea, never been to a con or this hotel so I might be lost most of the weekend

Can I talk to you?
Please!!

Can I give you lots of money?
Yes!

Can I give you stuff?
Yes!!

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are great, snuggles are saved for the ones I know

Can I come to dinner with you?
If you are invited, yes.

Can I hang out with you?
I would enjoy that!

Can I take your picture?
Of course!

How do I know if you're not looking to socialize (angry, busy or upset)?
I will be in my room away from people

Personality Type?
Shy

What's your goal for the con this year?
No idea, never been so not sure what to expect.

I'm really excited for this! The closer it gets the more impatient I become

Thanks to a VERY trusting friend, I was able to use her credit card to pay for the surgery to save Shelby. She is home resting now, she's not out of the woods yet but the outlook is a million times better than a few days ago.

The surgery was a lot less than we thought it was gonna be. In total the whole vet bill was about $1400, I now need to pay this back to my friend ASAP

I have a go fund me page for it, even if it's just getting the word out. Any help is good help! http://www.gofundme.com/ons98s

Those that are close to me know what has been going on with Saleen. For those who don't: She has been having issue with her back legs for a few months now, I call it her "wobble". It looks like her butt is drunk when she walks. It is very difficult for her to stand on slick floors or anything without some kinda of texture. Her legs will slip out from under her.

From talking to other corgi owners (and dog owners in general) I've suspected what is was. In a lot of the corgi blood lines there is a genetic disorder called Canine Degenerative Myelopathy (DM). It is an incurable, progressive disease of the canine spinal cord that mimics the symptoms of ALS and/or MS. There are no treatments that have been clearly shown to stop or slow progression of DM, there isn't really any positive tests to diagnose it either.

There is a DNA test that I did to see if she was at risk for it. It came back today... Results: Homozygous A/A. At Risk for Developing DM. This is heartbreaking for me. Some of the owners I've talked to say most dogs won't live more than 2 years after being diagnosed. She will be in a wheel chair for the last part of her life, I expect to have to get one within the next year.

However there is a silver lining to this tragedy. This disease is not painful. Frustrating, yes. But I know she will not be in pain. The people who know us closely know that this dog is my world. She is, basically, my child. She has helped me thru so much and it's gonna destory my world when she goes. But all I can do is enjoy the time I have with her and make her as comfortable as I possibly can.

I just got the tickets!!! I will probably be going with Dughal, but I have a back up plan if he decides not to go.

I'm super excited! This will be my first con!

I work at Petsmart... I am in the Petcare department. I'm the one who takes care of/sells the fish, reptiles, small animals and birds. I love my job. I love being able to help people find their perfect pet. I make sure they can take care of it properly and if they can't I direct them to something more suiting. I refuse to sell animals on a regular basis. I try my best to make sure these animals have the best care possible. I also have a degree in zoo science (basically animal caretaker). So I know what I am doing.

I've worked for Petsmart for a little over a year. When I came in my department was in a transition period. We was loosing the petcare manager and in the process of trying to hire a new one. I immediately took charge and helped control the department. When we got the new manager, I was right there helping her learn what she was responsible for and just helping her as much as I could, even now I catch her mistakes and fix them. Then the shift leader quit. Again I immediately took charge and picked up the slack. I train all the new people, make sure everything is done properly, just like the lead is supposed to do. Normally we have 2 people in the mornings, one to clean one of the habitats and another to take care of the rest of the animals. For a long period of time they made me do both. I got everything done on time, but it has been come, and still is a regular thing. I can run this department alone if I have to. I have had long talks with my manager about becoming lead and told her to train me for it.

Because of corporate cuts, I was told there was no longer gonna be a lead position. Which I was disappointed about, but I understood. I continued to bust my ass in my department. During this time I am having issue with people not doing their jobs. Just little things like leaving dishes in the sink over night, or leaving bins in the back rooms with no animals in it. Simple stuff that doesn't take long to do that is just the product of laziness. I've told my manager about it and she says she will talk to the people. But nothing ever changes. So now, when it happens, I get angry about it. Because not only does it add to my job, it also causes issues for the animals.

Last week I was told by the assistant manager that we will have a lead but it will not be me. The pet care manager decided to give it to someone who hasn't even been there 6 months. The reasons given was I didn't take the initiative to do things like fish counts or pull up the orders of the animals we are getting in that week and because it seems to Carol (PC manager) that people not doing their job effects me too much. The first thing I did not know I could do. This is something the manager normally does and if I were to do it, I need a manager to start it for me, I can't log into the computer to print the orders, and I need a manager to sign me into the gun to scan the fish tags. No one has brought this up as an issue to me. The latter, yes I do get angry and complain to her about people not doing their jobs, but she does nothing to fix the problem... But again, this was not brought up to me as an issue. I have told Carol from the start, train me to be lead. It's what I want. Up until the new girl came in she didn't seem to have a problem. And what's worse is that she couldn't tell me herself. This is obviously something that has been talked about for a little bit and I thought I had a good relationship with my manager for her to come to me about it.

After this, I've concluded that my standards are just too high for this store. I don't want to say company because I haven't spent any time in other stores. It's clear that I am expecting things to be done and that is too much. No one cares about their job, and unfortunately because I do, I get punished. I have worked my ass of in this department since the day I started. We get compliments daily because of how healthy our animals are because I make sure they are properly cared for. I feel like I have shown more than a few times that I deserve this promotion. But apparently hard work is not rewarded and because I care so much to get angry when people don't do their job right and animals get hurt and I didn't know I was supposed to be doing the managers job means I am not the right person for the lead position.

Once of my close friends has had her world fall down around her today.

 glacidea got the news today that her car is not worth fixing. It would cost more to fix it than to buy another car. On top of that (honestly, all this has happened within the last 4 hours !) She was told by her roommate, who has spent the last 3 months at her parent's place 4 hours away and JUST moved back yesterday, that she wants to be signed off the lease by September.

Tuesday really needs help! She has to buy a new car, which won't be cheap and it may include a new monthly payment and now has to pay all the rent/bills until she can find a trustful roommate. She is open for commissions and makes wonderful and adorable plushes! She also has a patreon http://www.patreon.com/glacidea Or if you just want to donate to help her paypal is weekdaywriter[at]yahoo.com

If you can help monetarily please share this journal!

Write a comment with an assumption you have about me and I'll let you know if it's true or not! I've always been curious how people see me.

Say whatever you won't. I won't get mad or upset. I'm just really interested to see what people say

I am now 24 years old today. I'm getting old XD

I over heard a conversation the other night and a close friend of Dughals think I'm a bad pet owner because all he ever tells her is the bad things. He was mad because the Shelby poops on the bed occasionally. I know why.... I just can't fix it. Because of the living situation they can only go outside once a day, after dark. Normally it's not a big deal, even before it started to get dark later it would still be 10 or 11pm, right before I go to bed. I know this is not the best thing, and I feel horrible about it. But pets aren't allowed and we have a nosey neighbor that will tell on us the moment she sees me and the dogs. But when I moved in, I was promised that we would be moved into a new place by the new year. She said things like how she thinks that's abuse and how I should have found a place where they were allowed or give them up before I moved and I just wanted to scream. I had a place where they were allowed. I was just promised to move in with the guy I loved at the time. I can't help he gave empty promises, though I should of known, it seems to be the only thing he does to get what he wants. But no he doesn't tell her that...

It just hit me hard having someone say I don't take care of my dogs. Anyone who knows me knows they are my world. And the people who have seen them with me can see how much I love them. I can't give them up, more for my sake than anything else. Just the thought of it makes me sick. They just can't go out as often as I want them to be able to. They never get in trouble for having accidents in the house because I know it's not fair. I just clean it up and go about my day.

I'm hoping things will be changing, hopefully soon. I really don't know how much I can take of this.

Because I'm bored :P

I need more friends on my pokemon games and I want more safaris to explore!

Comment or note me with your code, my code is 4227-2746-4633.

So I'm a day late with posting this, I had some issues yesterday and I forgot to do it.

2 years ago today I drove the hour to get my "children". Looking back, I shouldn't of done it. I wasn't ready for a dog, much less 2! I didn't know it at the time, but I was in a failing relationship. My housing was in no way even close to stable and I was working a part time job. But I wouldn't change getting them for the world. They are my life. They have helped me through so many things, a nasty break up, living with drug dealers that wanted to rape me. We've been through 4 different places, 3 MASSIVE chocolate ingestions and many other scary issues. And each time they are there for me. They are my family. The only stable thing in my life. People think I'm crazy because I won't give them up. I'd rather live in my truck with them than have to give them to someone else. Saleen is my shadow, always looking to me for comfort. Shelby is the rebel, and tests me every chance she gets. These 2 fluffy butts are the most important thing in my life. I know with some major changes coming to my life soon I'll need them more than ever. I love them more than anything and I hope to have them for many more years.

You know how you have something, like pizza, that you really love. You've never doubted you've loved it, never questioned that you would stop loving it. But then you get a bad pizza, you find yourself thinking maybe a pizza is not the best idea. And then, just at the right time, you get Chinese. Not even a whole meal, just a small bite. but it's new and fresh! You know you've liked the thought of it, but never really given it a chance even when the perfect opportunity was there. But now you're thinking maybe it might be time for a change. Give something else a chance, but you don't know if you should throw away something you know you like, something that is trusted, for just a taste of something else, not even knowing what would come from it. But you're still thinking about it and it's confusing the hell out of you.

So I finally got my 3DS. I'm still learning how to use it. I also got Pokemon Y.

I've seen tons of journals about friend codes, what are they and give them to me!! lol

I am probably getting a 3DS in the next few weeks and the main game I want is the new Pokemon game. This is the first Pokemon game I've actively wanted to play since Pokemon Ruby came out when I was a kid!

Since it's been out for a little while and many people have played it I wanted some input on which one I should buy. Not playing any handheld console games much less Pokemon games in almost 10 years I know a lot has changed and each game is a different experience.


So tell me which one you like, you can put why if you want too, so I know what to expect from the game! Whoever has the most votes when I am able to get it will probably be the one I will choose.

I decided to try to get back into playing SL. I tried it a few years ago and just got bored with it, but I want to give it another chance

My name on there is Tuli Elan if you want to add me!

Had an awesome time at the Greensboro Furmeet today. Probably the most fun I've had in suit since I got it. I also found out I am a bad ass at air hockey!!! Even in suit I won 5 out of 7 games! Pictures will be coming. I will be uploading until midnight and then I will up load the rest tomorrow when I get home from work.

Feel free to link/tag them to whoever is in them!

Firs off, no I am no pregnant....

My best friend just gave birth to her first child and it made me realize that motherhood is not for me. I've always said that I didn't want kids, but always toyed with the thought of it. But today seeing Katie with her little boy made me think. Yes I love infants, I would hold and bounce newborns and babies all day if I could but seeing how her life changed in just one day, I just don't want that. I like my life, not having to worry about another human. being responsible for them and everything. Call me selfish, but I just don't want to. People tell me I am extremely mature for my age, and they are probably right, but I still feel like a child myself. I can barely take care of myself and my dogs, I don't think I would ever be ready for a child.

If you have kids, good for you! But I know for sure now, they are not for me.

What is your Fursona's name?
Tuli

What made you choose the species of your main fursona?
She's a liger, because I just happen to be able to draw big cats decently

Is your fursona just like you, or how you want to be?
She is me for the most part, maybe a little more out going than I am

Does your fursona have the same personality you have?
Yep

Does your fursona have the same dislikes and likes as you do?
Yes

Does your fursona look like you at all?
Nope

Is your fursona the same gender as you, if not why?
Yes

Do you have more then one main fursona?
Not yet. I have other characters but none of them I consider a fursona. I have been debating about creating a corgi furson though

Do you have a back story for your fursona, if so does it have anything to do with your own history?
Not really, I've tried to come up with something but it never sticks

Is your fursona mated, if so is it to your real life significant other?
Not really. She lovers like Gallon, which is a real life friend but not my real life significant other

If not are they looking for a mate, or are they a swinger so to speak?
I guess she would be a swinger.

Is there something special about your fursona that you think sets them apart from others?
I don't know

Do you have much art of your main fursona/s?
A lot because that is what I draw mostly

Would you ever consider parting with your main fursona, if so why?
I have just recently. I am unsure about if I want to switch to a corgi character

If you suit, do you have a suit of your main fursona?
No, I think Sahara is similar but not close enough to be considered Tuli

Have you ever roleplayed with your main fursona, or do you prefer not to?
Not very much, no.

Do you consider your main fursona to be a part of you in any way?
Very much so, yes. She changes as I change,

1.What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?

I drove a manual transmission car

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No, I normally don't make new years resolutions

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but my best friend should pop any day now

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My great uncle

5. What countries did you visit?

None

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

A house that is mine and my bf's so I don't have to worry about roommates, or neighbors and I can let my dogs run freely in a yard

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The day I moved in with Dughal and back closer to my family.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Moving back "home?" and was able to get a job within a week of that move!

9. What was your biggest failure?

The car accident I had a few weeks ago

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not really.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My fish Colin and all of his supplies

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine, I grew up a lot in the past year, it was the first year completely on my own and other than small loans from Dughal, I managed to pay my own way.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Dughal and an unnamed person

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Moving back home in time for the holidays

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

Gangnam Style

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? I think a little thinner
c) richer or poorer? same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Just being social

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Blow my money

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my family and friends

21. What was your favorite month of 2013?

October

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?

The love grew stronger

23. How many one-night stands?

None

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Once Upon a Time and Sherlock

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Sadly yes.

26. What was the best book you read?

I can't choose

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I don't know. I don't keep up really

28. What did you want and get?

To move in with Dughal

29. What did you want and not get?

A tortoise

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Way too many to choose from

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I did absolutely nothing. I just say in my room, my roommates didn't even say anything to me, I turned 23

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More money

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

Jeans and basic shirts, nothing fancy

34. What kept you sane?

My dogs....

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Benedict Cumberbatch

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Hmm

37. Who did you miss?

No one really

38. Who was the best new person you met?

A lovely puppy from the UK that came to visit

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

That I so much more ready to be an adult than I thought. I met people this year that made me thankful I can care for myself.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

uh..