I am back, but not for long. I'd like to ask if you guys might be able to provide some help for myself and my mate. I... hate doing thing, but I don't want us to be trapped in this hellhole forever and I just don't see things getting better here. The ceiling is slowly falling apart in the living room, floorboards are all kinds of jank, some caving in and some just forming little floor mountains, which this house isn't on a foundation, it's elevated so the underside of the house is basically a bunch of support beams and whatnot. The house is basically falling apart and has been for years. We live in the worst part of town where gang violence isn't uncommon at all and I worry quite a lot about our safety to the point where I've had nightmares of people shooting through the windows/walls of this house and hitting both me and my mate.

We also deal with the animals my mate's mum has been hoarding, half of them shit everywhere but the litterbox, three of them are sick, and one's got a busted arm. We want to get these animals out of here but no one lives in this part of Alabama, except one person and he isn't capable of taking care of animals.

I've also had this plan, for years, to move out of the US and into Ireland so my mate and I can finally start our lives and be happy for once... but it's a costly thing and we can't afford to move out of here.

I've just been getting more and more depressed due to the situation we are in and I desperately want to get us out of here. And I know my mate's going to read this, I don't want him to feel bad at all since none of this is his fault, it's just unfortunate, is all.

I will, also, be moving back to my oldest account, Vexionn , soon since I feel safe enough to do so now. (was trying to avoid some horrible people)


All I can ask is that, if you are able to and REALLY want to do it, feel free to go to my Ko-Fi and donate, I don't think I can do much of anything right now, but I just don't know what else to do. Also, if you do donate, please let me know, I greatly appreciate any help and would love to talk to you since it's all I can do.

https://ko-fi.com/littlesoftandroid

Might be gone for a while, I'm going to be doing something personal to help improve myself, hopefully. When I come back, hopefully it'll show.

And don't worry, I'll be fine, if you want to talk to me or anything, my contacts should be on my profile (unless I forgot, in which they will be in a moment. lol )

So.. every time I feel I am happy with/settled with an idea for the Xandros/Prototype Xandros, I start to overthink like "What if I'd like them better if they were more goat-y or kobold-y?" and whatnot. It's a frustrating, never-ending cycle and I wish my mind could settle on one thing.

I know it may annoy you guys but I really don't mean to. I even was talking about it to a close friend and they said it'll come to me eventually, which I hope it does. lol

I mentioned this in a reddit comment earlier where they were saying most people on the r/MMORPG subreddit have just played the genre for too long and are very burnt out on the genre, and tend to lash out at those who like MMOs they don't like as well as they tend to be very overly critical of the genre and, admittedly, I feel a bit called out on the burnt out and the being critical part.

I've been playing MMOs for a very, very long time and I will admit that I am definitely burnt out on the genre. I am very critical of most modern MMOs since a lot of them do predatory and just generally very scummy things. It's hard to find a MMO/MMORPG that doesn't have a corrupt, money-loving company behind it. I mean, hell, FF14's company has literally shown to be corrupt and money-loving this year with how hard they're trying to put for NFTs. Finding a MMO/MMORPG with an honest, caring company behind it is next to impossible these days.

It does really fucking suck since I do want to find a MMO that can reignite my enjoyment of the genre like the Everquest series did. I will admit that I am way too attached to the genre and this beloved MMO series I just mentioned since I am genuinely depressed that I can't find anything even remotely good. I've played every major MMO/MMORPG and even a shit ton of less popular/very obscure MMOs/MMORPGs and, honestly, they bore me or frustrate me, I don't get how people like these popular MMOs so much, but it's just me.

Since the Prototype Xandros is a sub-species of the main one, it makes sense that they'd look a bit different. I've made a rodent version and a kobold version, however, I have ideas of reinstating the bunny Xandros as a Prototype Xandros or going for deer or alpaca.

Soooo, I wanted to ask what seems the most interesting/fitting?

Like.. I dunno if being known like the artists I follow would be stressful or anxiety inducing for me since well.. I am still trying to figure out myself and what I want as a sona / what I want to do with my species. I feel like I would aggravate/annoy people with the constant swapping and trying out of things. Which, to those that I've already have annoyed due to this, sorry, I am just lost and indecisive.

Popularity is something I see as a curse more than a blessing since I've seen so many people get such a MASSIVE ego over it and turn into a huge prick. It's just not great, I suppose, which brings me to a conundrum where I want to make my species well-known but that would require me becoming popular as well so.. it's a thing, I guess.

So, I had an idea to make more sense with my rat-goat is that I could make a version of them that is a prototype Xandros, showing they're the first of their kind to fit more along with the docs I have made for the Xandros.

Of course, that doesn't mean they'd be the only one, I can make some for some of you as a commission ref if wanted.

Had an interesting dream, it was actually a continuation of one I hadn't had in years and I was a redheaded girl who was a paladin, can be any class, and her father was a good-hearted demon king who became corrupted by some evil force over time while her mother was an elven woman who died at the hands of said king and the girl was framed for the murder so she was exiled and she slowly trained from her adventures to slay her father, gathering up companions to help and once she, and her companions, were high enough in level, she succeeded. The continuation of the dream was taken place several years later where she was crowned as queen and she was hanging out with her companions at the time she had a vision of her father rising back from the dead so she rushed to his grave with her companions and her father rose out of the grave, seemingly uncorrupted and while she was cautious of him, she embraced him. She, and her companions lead him to the empty church nearby to chat and ask him things to make sure he was of sound mind and to ask how he was revived. The king answered all these questions flawlessly but has said he has no clue who revived him which concerned him before he could say more, some strange force was trying to control him and he was trying to fight back, the girl and her companions started trying to hold him down as they looked around to make sure there was no one here to get hurt before the king broke free of their grasp and started yelling for them to run while he threw magically-conjured tridents at them, the group started running up the stairway at the backend of the church since the king was blocking their only exit and they frantically looked for some way to get out of the church so they can run to a safe place to think of a way to get the king out of that control.

Admittedly, the king looked identical to how my father did at my age, but had the typical demon appearance, had a dark coloured beard and shaggy hair, bright blue eyes as well, while the girl looked more akin to myself but how I imagine I'd look if I were to transition fully to a girl. The king wore a golden set of armour that had intricate designs on it, very wing/feather designed. Girl had a golden coloured armour set as well, only more set on the light side, had a hood and was robe-y.

It's like, since I have two custom species going, I do want to do stuff with them but I also think it's fine if I just have them passively there and anyone's allowed to make a sona with them. Every time I try to work on a custom species or two, I end up stressing out over it and feeling bad that I want to just push them aside for the time being half because I can't really settle with any final design nor can I even settle with having a sona of either species.

It's rather frustrating but it's how my brain is wired, I guess? Never being satisfied with anything I do or stick with. People like to tease me over not being able to stick with a sona even when it's a species I made (which I would like it if they don't, just makes me feel bad) and one friend even pointed out that it's probably my OCD that's keeping me from being satisfied with a sona/species. It doesn't surprise me. >w>;

Either way, I know I could just do what some artists do and just.. not have a sona, but I find that to be boring and I know I could just have a shapeshifter for a sona, but again, I find that to be boring. I just want to find something that I am 100% happy with and will stick with. Hell, I even thought about asking an artist friend if they'd be able to help xwx

Currently, over the past week or so, I've been trying to fight off that feeling of wanting to swap to a different sona/species and it's just verrrrry frustrating.

For the past few days, been dealing with that nauseating illness but now, it's *mostly* gone, I still have some mild nausea that gets a bit worse when I eat so I can't really eat a lot still.

Either way, am mostly fine now.

So, I randomly got sick late last night and have been feeling nauseated as well as sinus congestion, fever and my legs/arms feel very weird. I dunno if it's something I ate or if I just managed to catch a flu or a really bad cold.

So yeah, may be inactive a lot for a while, hopefully it clears up in a day or two.

So since I narrowed down my species focus to one species, I might try to make them appear as a fusion of the Chikori and Xandros, but not 100% sure how I would like to do that. I also might bring back the visor design, I might not, who knows. Either way, sorry if I can come to a conclusion on what I want with the species, it's a pain since I not only want the species to be perfect for others, but perfect for myself and my mind is a mess in that regard. There's many, many times where I get in the mood to be a different species type like a feline, rodent, bunny, goat.. etc. which results in my indecisiveness on sticking with a sona and such.

It's why I went for making a species in the first place, "if I can't find a species that fits me, I'll make one that fits me" as I was thinking back then, but now I am just torn on what to do.

And I am not exactly sure why. x3

Like, even meeting furs older than 35 is a bit surprising but not as much as meeting furs 40+ years old. The Fur fandom is just a constant chaotic mess and I don't blame anyone for leaving it permanently, so seeing a fur 40+ years old makes me wonder how they put up with that shit for 20+ years.

I've already started getting fed up with the fur fandom when I was in my early 20's and have contemplated leaving it many times but I haven't yet since I know not all furs are toxic little shits. >w>;

I remember when I was a teenager, I met a fur who was 65 years old on IMVU (yes, I used that shit-ass program to meet new people for a while) and it blew my mind that there was someone that old that is still a fur.

I'm not like.. anti-older people type of fur, I am just always surprised by seeing older furs.

So, ever since I was really young, I've always been treated like an idiot and a nuisance, even by my own family and even after I moved out to Texas, I was still treated like that. No one ever treated me with even a smidge of respect and it hurt me a lot. When I came back to Alabama, I dealt with another year or two of my family treating me as such until I met my mate, Demir and moved into his place.

Sometimes, I still deal with being treated like an idiot and a nuisance by others online, whether it's on FA, Twitter, Tumblr.. anywhere. It still happens. I just wish people would treat me like they liked to be treated. It would be greatly appreciated.

And, to be honest, I don't get treated this way on here, half because I don't interact with anyone and half because I am unknown, same for on FA, kinda. I always feel like shit and I always feel stupid and annoying so, it hurts me a lot more than it should to make my feelings about myself feel true. I just ask to please be patient with me and please be kind. Just because I don't function like you do, doesn't mean I'm an annoying moron.

So like, since I removed everything and slowly gaining back motivation (not a lot but did tweak up my bundroid) I might shelve one species and focus on the other, as you can probably guess, it's the Xandros, main reason for that is just because well... Ever since I saw the creation of the Protogen, I wanted to make my own android species but didn't want to make them look like the Protogen so... wasn't sure how to go with that and still not sure because, currently, the Xandros look more organic than bio-mechanical as was pointed out by some.

Despite the stress and anxiety, I wanted to make my own species and I wanted to make them known but, considering how I am a very unknown artist and not a great one at that, I know it will be and has been tough for me. (the funny thing is that I'd like to never become popular, but that shit's not going to happen if I try to push for my species :u )

I'm going to sound like an old person for a second but, does anyone miss the old days of the MMO genre, where they prioritized quality over monetization and didn't copy WoW to hell and back? Because I sure as hell do. Good/Decent MMOs/MMORPGs used to be easy to find, but now, you'd be lucky to even find a single one. Even the ones that are currently popular aren't as good as the MMOs/MMORPGs of the old days. I've been trying to find a MMO that is exactly like or similar to the EQ series in it's prime, but... Every time I looked, nothing was there. ESO and Project: Gorgon are the CLOSEST to the EQ series and even they are far away from what the EQ series was. Personally, I just with the EQ series was back on it's feet instead of falling further and further into obscurity and causing more and more problems for itself and the players.


When I mention that on a forum or subreddit, people devalue this arguement by saying "iT's JuSt ThE NoStAlGiA tAlKiNg." when, no, it isn't, old MMOs WERE better than modern MMOs.

So, since I have an anxiety attack a few days ago that lead to me erasing all my progress and art, I'm sorry I did that, just... didn't know my art meant a lot to some of you. I know that my art isn't much, and that I don't do much outside of my comfort zone, I mainly did art just so I don't have to rely on other artists to express my sonas or myself. I still want to do that since it helps my mind a bit but I want to find some way to get myself back that enjoyment and motivation I had for art.

I just hadn't been doing well mentally at all in a long while and, honestly, just hadn't found enjoyment nor motivation for most things these days and had an anxiety attack recently. I dunno if I'll every go back to uploading stuff and whatnot. I am not even sure if I have the energy or focus to work on my species anymore so I dunno if that'll pop up again or not either.

But for now, I may just wait until I am feeling better, sorry, though. I am mostly fine right now, Demir helps a lot with getting me to feel better, and same goes for my friends. I just hope no one is mad at me.