so... in case anyone noticed. i kinda fell of the grid for a spell. i was kicked out of my house and had to lug everything i own more than a hundred miles to get to muskogee on my back...and my front, and in a rollaway dragging along behind me. since then i made a few new friends slept under an overpass and finaly broke down and got foodstamps and im currently saving up for a trip to texas where ill spend two months working for the strangling brothers haunted carnival (my roommate has a connect) my cosplay armor that i was so proud of was destroyed by the trip i lost my hundred and twenty dollar airsoft pistol and i had my eyes ripped wide open. talk about a reality check.

first off, i'm sorry to have to say this but i've given up on my story idea, so in other news, things were going alright for me today, until my mom brought up my brothers (recent) ex and she looked right at me saying in that less than subtle way pasrents do, "atb least one of my boys learned you cant date someone into religion, i responded with fuck you i'm not trying to convert joe but since i'd woken up only a few minutes ago, i knew it was gonna be a day of her griping on me being gay...fuckin dammit

ok so i've been thinking of this story i'm working on, it will be adult (18+ haven't had much in there yet just one doodle and it's a peice of crap i barely worked on while i was drunk) and i figured i would include some of the details i would work in: it's set in an alternate history around 1500 ad so there will be renaissance elements as well as early concept steampunk tech. so far for the cast i have:

serra youseff (origional character details will be ironed out in the story)

mole character (yet unnamed, still waiting on that from Roger) sent by  Roger

and three blank slots yet unfilled

so, please comment here if interested i'm startin my writing saturday (april 19,2014 ) i will not take new characters after that (unless special circumstances arise [character is killed off/eaten, etc etc] and i need a new one )

so i've decided i want to write a yiff story it can be one to three maybe four character slots, as far as a content warning, it will have basically whatever the people i'm writing about want in it. it can be furry or not or even, well , whatever you want i guess. point is that i'm writing a story it's a request, and can be posted by whoever is in it comment here on this journal if you want in this

so me and  shadowwolfiekael have been dating for awhile, and we sync up on almost everything, i think of something and the next time we talk he tells me he's been thinking of the same thing, for instance just this morning i was looking in the zales at the mall looking for an engagement ring that would be readily affordable in a couple months and i get home this afternoon to see this:

"There's something I wanted to say and I guess now alia as good a time as any I know during our relationship we will hit hard time and we will have time were we might argue but I that aside being with you is what makes me happier then I can remember and I might get on your nerves at times but I realise that its you that icwant to spend the rest of my life with and that I love you more than life itself and I'm sorry if this seems sudden but I just had to let you know how I truely feel"-

i haven't written up a proper proposal yet and i wanted it to be a bit more special than fb chat but since i know you'll end up reading this i love you joe, and i want you to make me the happiest man in all of the world, we can't legally marry yet here in oklahoma, but while a peice of paper makes it legally binding, it's the love we share that makes it real. so, will you marry me joe? and allow me the honor of living with my true love?

okay so here's the thing, i got a quote from  twerkonthatshark for a partial fursuit at $655, but i need a 30% deposit before they'll work on it, thats around $200 and since i'm currently between jobs, any little bit helps, message me if you feel like getting ahold of me to help out, also i'm willing to offer up art in return for donations, they'll be pencil on paper sketches charcoals and color drawings, i'm more than willing to draw for you guys but even my queud up request qre being put on hold while this is going on, (mainly cause i'm wanting those digital as opposed to paper/pencil) i would really appreciate it guys.

i'm finnally going to be having a bit of spending money, so i'm finally considering myself in the market for a fursuit, it's going to be a partial, (head, handpaws[to the elbows] wings and a tail i'm opting out of footpaws since i'm rather hard on footwear and i t seems like it would be the most frivilous part of the costume) and i want it styled more towards realistic(aka it needs to look more like a real husky/dragon hybrid ) so if anyone watching me or just happening by this journal either is or knows a fursuit maker can i get a quote or at least a reference to get ahold of a maker... thank you

i got into a fight with nate and we haven't talked for almost a month now

ooook so i liue of not having been making any new art, i'm going to be posting stuff i drew when i first got into the fandom. (thats right, i found a few of my old notebooks) they've seen better daysthat much is sure but i wanted so bad for people to see what kindof ideas were running around in my head back then, i just couldn't let the community see what i did, but now i can,! so if you see a submission by me with notebook lines running across it it would be one of these pictures

so i figure it's about time i go public with this: i'm moving to tulsa oklahoma. tomorrow Feb:6 if anyone seeing this lives in tulsa already, please hit me up, i'd really like to come and chill for a bit

so because my ms freshpaint crapped out, i upgraded to painttool so i can still do request!

i found out a few months ago, that while i've been diagnosed with myopia (near-sight) for years. my left eye has deteriorated to the point of where i am legally blind my right eye is working itself tired trying to cope. while some of my irl friends have known this for months what i haven't told anyone is that the estimate the doctors gave me was a few years (about 10) before i can't see anything at all. i have never taken government assistance and i hope i never will but i can't get a job even now because of my eyes and if they end up being completely useless. i don't see any other choices. i love furries and i love being in the fandom, i love it for the colors, the sights, the sounds, the art the stories, and the community, but i dread the day i wake up and find that i can't enjoy the sunlight beaming down on me. that i can't see the green of the grass below my feet that i never will see the deep blue of the ocean or that i never again will enjoy the limitless expanse of the sky overhead all because i won't be able to see it. so if some of my fur-friends want to get their panties in a wad over some petty bs that someone said to them. get over it make up and enjoy life, take it in for all it's worth, and never let yourself get distracted from even the little things, after all they make the big picture possible.

gahd! my ms freshpaint just crapped out! it's not loading a page so i can work, i'm sorry to anyone i have request out from. it might be a bit longer than expected... sorry guys

ok, so i got bored and threw on some clothes deciding i would pick a song an record myself dancing after i practiced a few new tricks, then  stripe 's newest mix came on my phone and i decided to hit record and make this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM0o.....ature=youtu.be
i hope you guys enjoy!

so i hosted an art raffle the other day. i promised three slots and i still only have two filled. (you'd think free art would be more sought after) as such i'm making a journal about it to see if anyone else wants this last slot i'm still working on the second piece so please, gimme somtin teh dew!

so the fursuit that i made myself, is finally no more, holiday took a helluva beating when i went home over christmas, my mother got pissed when i pinned a santa hat to him and handed my nieces and nephews their presents. so she threw a fit and in the process of the argument she went to snatck it from my hands and got ahold of the hat, when i tried to pull back on it whoosh. off came the entire top of his skull, and part of the face -sighs- i tried to do what i could to repair him over the course of making my cosplay armor but he just wouldn't go together again right. so i gave up and threw hlm away, the one thing i was proud of above all else because i could say it was mine, i built it i payed for the stuff to make it and i'm what got him destroyed. i cried when he was torn up, i really did and what did my mom have to say about destroying him? "well at least i won't have to look at that awful thing anymore!" i still haven't forgiven her for it. ... on a side note, i'm in the market for a new costume...

so as soon as i can get some video software on my computer i'm going to start work on a web series called riggers(working title) let me give you the rundown:
set in a near (and very possible) future an overcontrolling government has issued a ban on fire arms that is upheld to the strictest confines possible (bb gun =death sentence) however, there exist in an undisclosed location a group of 'rebels' who oppose this law however they can , using pre-ban nerf and airsoft weapons, there exist people with the knowledge of making these lethal weapons these people call themselves riggers our story follows one such mastermind and his friends through an adventure into cults government plots and showdowns with rival factions. our protagonist's name is ethan forge, he's young brash, and in need of a serious hobby, ( or rather, one that won't get his head blown off by some government spooks) he joins up with a couple of foreign mercs that 'require his skillset' in order to fill their contract. and the adventure (and occasional hilarity) ensues

happy new year break open the champa -what? we have no champagne? this is an outrage! unacceptable this kind of blasphemy ca...(signal lost)

ok so i'm gonna work on writing short stories for a bit, i'll do request on these, (also if you've requested artwork from me.dont worry i'll still finish that up.) but i'll use the same thumbnail for any story I do on here in case you haven't noticed the black mustang parked on my page that's the thumbnail in question anyway, I really hope for some feed back on these I always appreciate it and it (usually) helps me get better. so please read my stuffs

so its christmas-time and i finally figured i would send you guys out there a personal card from me... BUT i don't have money for stamps so this'll do.

now is the time for presents and cheer
i pray, in the rush, it won't disappear
the true meaning of christmas, why we're all here
furries and hoomans all gather for beer
singing happy birthday to the baby dear
who forgave all our sins and showed us anew
why living is worth it and you are too
so to my friends and my family i sing this rhyme
but to my lord and saviour i lay down my life

merry christmas, (i know that last part doesnt rhyme but it fit) or haunekah or quanza or whatever it is you celebrate this time of year. just remember that i love you. (in a completely copasetic sort of way of course) and so do those youy care about, though they may have shitty ways of showing it...

So I have a new mate hes charming smart funny (drop dead goregeous) lives fairly close by (if iowa is close) and, like me he understands that we've both been hurt too many times before to just give up this relationship and hurt each other. Enter: my mom and dad. Breif profile: southern baptist traditionalist set in their ways and violently opposing anything different. Between my mom constantly gkving me lectures on the sins of homosexuality and my dad shouting at me saying what a disgusting perv I am. I get no respite other than when I stay up all night. Im honestly beginning to regret coming out to them in the first place...and holy shit am I glad they both stay well away from furaffinity. Anyway, it just drives me crazy that people will say one minute 'i still love you, your still my son' and the next, they all but disown you because you do or say something slightly off color in public. (of course ' off color' with my family is way out in left field for most people) hell my mom thinks I only came out of the closet because it was 'the cool thing' to do. I still dont have the heart to tell her though, that most of my friends growing up were also boyfriends...well regardless. Last time I listened to anyone other than me and my mate about a relationship. It ended up with two broken hearts besides my own. So ill be damned if I let any one other than nate tell me we wont work out!

i've probably mentioned this before... but i hate drawing cats it's not some 'dogs vs...' thing it's just that they're really difficult for me to proportion out right. *sighs* why can't i meet my own expectations.......

so i did in fact get kicked out of job corps, but not before I : tried to hang myself over my manically depressive ex-girlfriend(she made bella seem upbeat)[and i promise that is the only twighlight reference you'll ever see on this page] broke up with the aforementioned girlfriend was put on suicide watch and got into a fistfight with my roomate. and then to make things worse, i get a job interview with the dougnut shack across the street and the day before my grandmother is found dead in her apartment. so i couldnt even make it through the interview without bursting into tears and got passed over for the job of bathroom attendant and general maitnance.so yeah life goes to shit and it all hits at once...

so, as you guys know, im at job corps in talequah. so this week when i was caught with an airsoft pistol before i could get it turned in to the security guys there. i was almost termed (short for terminated) out of the program, i wasnt but almost. so i finally get somewhat calmed down and my brother decides hes going to be THAT guy and tattle to our mother. first off, im 21 i dont need to have my mom bitch me out for everything i do. secondly it wouldnt be so bad if i didnt get made to feel like a peice of shit for even the smallest mistake (get it right 9 and the tenth messup is all they see) so i blew up in class and again almost got kicked out. i was ready to quit and the guy i had to see to get the right paperwork ended up talking me out of it. so somehow i ended up getting ok'd to take a vacation. and am now sitting here with three other fur's. one of which is dj obscure and unbeleiveably im the first fan of his he's met. so my weeks getting better.......(knock on wood)

so i started at job corps. (thus why i havent been on for awhile) my phones been cut off so i cant upload my work anymore.
im sorry for any inconvenience to those who have a request in right now, i will get something for you but it might be awhile.