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Firmer Boundaries
General | Posted 2 weeks agoI know, I don't need to make a journal about this, but I'm doing this to soothe myself.
So, the internet has been a wonderful place overall but, statistically, sometime after my Picarto days, I suddenly got unlucky and had the displeasure of meeting a few very crappy people, worsened by my own inexperience and tendency to shoulder too much responsibility. Some people have grayed out my hairs more than all the people in real life, save for one IRL person. But the fact of the matter is that as a result, my mind had to work overtime to try keep these people in my life while also protecting myself from betrayal or them making a mess out of my social circles.
As a protective measure, after much thinking, I now have these three, Very firm boundaries:
1. The process of communication must be safe. If at any point it stops being safe communication and I get the feeling that I'm being accused, I am going to start being permanently skeptical of that person. A real friend of mine will NEVER use aggressive language on me and I already do as much as I can to pull my weight to be as tactful around people as possible. No, "I had a bad day" is not a valid excuse anymore. I am no longer going to lose nights to stress trying to bend backwards to keep track of every person's triggers or trying to soothe them in an enraged state. If anyone talks to me with aggressive language, if they are a close friend, they are immediately getting downgraded to an acquaintance. Worrying about trying to dance around people's feelings for a good outcome has made me physically sick. I feel prematurely old and it's turned me off from socializing entirely, which is why I have become more of a longer.
2. If anyone gives me any doubt that they are not loyal as a friend, then I am not going to stay to find out. I'm no longer going to be a goody two shoes trying to make things people work with people who have issues. It is now on THEM to figure themselves out. I cannot physically, mentally and spiritually afford to keep being people's kindergarten teacher on basic social skills and worry about whether something I say or don't say is Actually some trigger that I have no fucking clue about.
---
That being said, I have several friends that I consider quality people, and it's extremely unfair that because of the negative impact of certain shitty people, that I'm less available to them because my mind erroneously thinking that it's a fact of life that this constant anxiety is what social life is like.
No. Just no. Social life is NOT:
- spending a year with someone thinking they're a close friend and them telling you "eh, you're kindda scary" when you're asking them if they consider you a friend, looking for reassurance. Then trying to play mental gymnastics to play it off as some kind of grand misunderstanding all the while not actually giving a single drop of reassurance and even doubling down on it.
- spending a year feeling close to someone only to wake up one day to a complete disaster and a fractured friend group because two people enter a feedback loop of venting out their external stress by using each other as a punching bag, with someone you thought was very close starting it.
- spending a year with someone leading you to believe that you're a close friend to them only for them to fuck off to nowhere, create a server with Their Actual Friends and not invite me, and using plausible deniability when the reality was, I spent a year being used as a stepping stool to get to know someone else better with no real care for Me
- thinking that you found a local group of furries people only for someone to gossip that you're a zoophile
- having someone who has high rupture and repair, alternating between fixing things but also regularly having moments of aggressive communication and then pleading "oh sorry, i'm trying, oh i am trying so hard"
These are no longer things I am going to try working around. If I encounter these, or even clear signs of them, I am going to lose interest in that person and I am not going to tell them because some people do all sorts of things to convince you to loosen your boundaries.
So from this point forward, I am establishing strong boundaries, it's a clearly defined definition of friendship to me. I'm protecting this as a dogmatic belief because I've had someone tell me that this is ironic because I am becoming "trigger happy" about people who are "trigger happy". In my opinion, comments like these are manipulative. No, this is not trigger happy. All this worrying has literally becoming afraid of social life, I once used to be a social butterfly and events like these where I tried to make things work have turned me off big time.
So, no more time wasted. Not going to accept excuses or sob stories anymore. There are several high quality people in my life and it's not fair that I'm less available to them just because of some shitty experiences that I realistically couldn't prevent or fix, and was an enormous waste of time trying to. Some things are not meant to be, and I am going to focus on the people who are in front of me and that I appreciate rather than wasting my time with people who either do not care or people who just have too many issues that make me on the receiving end of aggressive communication.
I have a chronic problem with shouldering more responsibility onto myself than I should and the result is always the same, burnout. So I need to look after myself, and with just how statistically vast the internet is, I need to put my foot down when it comes to these things.
---
That being said, there is one silver lining out of all of this, that in my period of lower social and artistic activity, I've ended filling the increased time that I've had with no just games but also coding that I've been enjoying quite a lot. Working on my website https://lukahusky.space to me is like that quiet joy of when you finish cleaning or redecorating your bedroom with photo frames that you like, or conveniences that you really wanted for a long time.
(an edit to say: whew, that felt cathartic to just, get out of my system. I wanna start having fun again and being all bubbly like I used to I think I'm getting there kjlsdjhfglsd;fgdklg)
So, the internet has been a wonderful place overall but, statistically, sometime after my Picarto days, I suddenly got unlucky and had the displeasure of meeting a few very crappy people, worsened by my own inexperience and tendency to shoulder too much responsibility. Some people have grayed out my hairs more than all the people in real life, save for one IRL person. But the fact of the matter is that as a result, my mind had to work overtime to try keep these people in my life while also protecting myself from betrayal or them making a mess out of my social circles.
As a protective measure, after much thinking, I now have these three, Very firm boundaries:
1. The process of communication must be safe. If at any point it stops being safe communication and I get the feeling that I'm being accused, I am going to start being permanently skeptical of that person. A real friend of mine will NEVER use aggressive language on me and I already do as much as I can to pull my weight to be as tactful around people as possible. No, "I had a bad day" is not a valid excuse anymore. I am no longer going to lose nights to stress trying to bend backwards to keep track of every person's triggers or trying to soothe them in an enraged state. If anyone talks to me with aggressive language, if they are a close friend, they are immediately getting downgraded to an acquaintance. Worrying about trying to dance around people's feelings for a good outcome has made me physically sick. I feel prematurely old and it's turned me off from socializing entirely, which is why I have become more of a longer.
2. If anyone gives me any doubt that they are not loyal as a friend, then I am not going to stay to find out. I'm no longer going to be a goody two shoes trying to make things people work with people who have issues. It is now on THEM to figure themselves out. I cannot physically, mentally and spiritually afford to keep being people's kindergarten teacher on basic social skills and worry about whether something I say or don't say is Actually some trigger that I have no fucking clue about.
---
That being said, I have several friends that I consider quality people, and it's extremely unfair that because of the negative impact of certain shitty people, that I'm less available to them because my mind erroneously thinking that it's a fact of life that this constant anxiety is what social life is like.
No. Just no. Social life is NOT:
- spending a year with someone thinking they're a close friend and them telling you "eh, you're kindda scary" when you're asking them if they consider you a friend, looking for reassurance. Then trying to play mental gymnastics to play it off as some kind of grand misunderstanding all the while not actually giving a single drop of reassurance and even doubling down on it.
- spending a year feeling close to someone only to wake up one day to a complete disaster and a fractured friend group because two people enter a feedback loop of venting out their external stress by using each other as a punching bag, with someone you thought was very close starting it.
- spending a year with someone leading you to believe that you're a close friend to them only for them to fuck off to nowhere, create a server with Their Actual Friends and not invite me, and using plausible deniability when the reality was, I spent a year being used as a stepping stool to get to know someone else better with no real care for Me
- thinking that you found a local group of furries people only for someone to gossip that you're a zoophile
- having someone who has high rupture and repair, alternating between fixing things but also regularly having moments of aggressive communication and then pleading "oh sorry, i'm trying, oh i am trying so hard"
These are no longer things I am going to try working around. If I encounter these, or even clear signs of them, I am going to lose interest in that person and I am not going to tell them because some people do all sorts of things to convince you to loosen your boundaries.
So from this point forward, I am establishing strong boundaries, it's a clearly defined definition of friendship to me. I'm protecting this as a dogmatic belief because I've had someone tell me that this is ironic because I am becoming "trigger happy" about people who are "trigger happy". In my opinion, comments like these are manipulative. No, this is not trigger happy. All this worrying has literally becoming afraid of social life, I once used to be a social butterfly and events like these where I tried to make things work have turned me off big time.
So, no more time wasted. Not going to accept excuses or sob stories anymore. There are several high quality people in my life and it's not fair that I'm less available to them just because of some shitty experiences that I realistically couldn't prevent or fix, and was an enormous waste of time trying to. Some things are not meant to be, and I am going to focus on the people who are in front of me and that I appreciate rather than wasting my time with people who either do not care or people who just have too many issues that make me on the receiving end of aggressive communication.
I have a chronic problem with shouldering more responsibility onto myself than I should and the result is always the same, burnout. So I need to look after myself, and with just how statistically vast the internet is, I need to put my foot down when it comes to these things.
---
That being said, there is one silver lining out of all of this, that in my period of lower social and artistic activity, I've ended filling the increased time that I've had with no just games but also coding that I've been enjoying quite a lot. Working on my website https://lukahusky.space to me is like that quiet joy of when you finish cleaning or redecorating your bedroom with photo frames that you like, or conveniences that you really wanted for a long time.
(an edit to say: whew, that felt cathartic to just, get out of my system. I wanna start having fun again and being all bubbly like I used to I think I'm getting there kjlsdjhfglsd;fgdklg)
Self Reflection: The way I approach social life these days
General | Posted 2 months agoA heads up first - if you're already stressed, put this journal down and leave it for later because while I think this is interesting to share, it also covers some things that can make people anxious.
I've been told by two people so far that I've become "scary". People say all sorts of things, but the fact that I've been told this twice now has made me stop and think; what's going on? What's different?
The shift I've noticed is that I've been focusing on quality over quantity.
As I meet different people, I experienced the best and the worst of social life. But the worst social incidents completely changed the way I see social life. I used to believe that everyone can be friends, everything can be talked out, that everyone can be trusted to show a basic consideration to other human beings. But clearly that is not the case; one bad egg can poison a friend group and destroy psychological safety, people can fight and introduce a layer of discomfort in a social circle. And the worst bad eggs aren't easy to spot; they're charismatic and tend to treat popular people differently, more kindly - telling them all sorts of things they want to hear.
My mind is such that I tend to want to prevent bad things from happening. I don't want to spend months of a friendship and end having someone who betrays me and screws off. I also don't want to remain lasse affair like I used to in any group I moderate or am part of. This sent me down a rabbit hole of analyzing, how do people think? How do I think?
One thing stood out to me the most in terms of determining the quality of a person as a friend, and that's how much rupture they introduce vs. how much rupture they repair. I developed an internal compass for who I gravitate towards and who I avoid, because in my life, I feel like I've had too much stress; that I've compensated and worked around other people's quirks for too long - and now I've adopted the attitude that people ultimately need to pull their weight too when it comes to being part of a group or friend that I spend time with. There are certain things that are just not ok to say or do, and if they are done, there needs to be an effort into fixing the damage.
Some people become uncomfortable when someone is evaluating them, noticing every behavior. This would make sense to worry about if someone very trigger-happy is doing this kind of evaluation. This also makes sense for someone to worry if they themselves find themselves in a pattern of bad social interactions over and over again, and know on some level that they're going to get filtered out by this internal gauge on a person's integrity.
But over months of reflection I've come to the conclusion that, yeah, I'm not being ridiculous here - there are basic things that should be universal constants in friendship or group behavior. We shouldn't have to be in a voice chat in fear that someone is going to call us a pedo. We shouldn't have to second-guess whether a friendship is real by spending months with someone who you thought was a warm friend only for them to turn to you and say "uh, actually you're kind of scary because of your penchant for direct conflict", showing no warmth, no regard to what I thought was a friendship, in front of others and then saying "oh i'm just being honest".
I am only very, very rarely on the receiving end of hurt, but seeing enough of it in groups I'm in has made gradually draw a stricter, and in my opinion, fairer line that is fair on me.
I'm still the silly, happy, sometimes manic or anxious husky - only these days, I'm also not people's social kindergarten teacher. People with basic social skills don't need to worry. I've thought a lot about whether I've overcompensated, become too "strict" and premature to pull the trigger, but over time I've come to a fair balance. One bad interaction doesn't have me quit on anyone, but I'm quicker to see whether anyone needs to be shown the door in the FreaksForHarmony Discord server - or not tire myself on someone who just keeps stressing me out and doesn't bother trying to look out for my feelings or repair any rupture that is caused.
I don't think I'm actually describing anything new either. I'm pretty sure that on some level, everyone wants that. It's just that people have different thresholds. Some people will just keep pouring energy into the most utterly doomed, unworthy social connections. Other people are trigger happy, and go from person to person with a new villain of the week who is definitely a Very Bad Person™ without even bothering to try make things work.
I'm somewhere in-between these days - not a doormat, not "triggered".
Though pretty much I have to say, overall I'm super happy with the internet and the people I've met through there x3 Still have the pleasure of seeing many people who are just, genuinely fun AND harbor goodwill, so I'm glad to have quite a number of friends that I hold close to my heart x3
So that's what I wanted to say! Lots of hugs to anyone who read this journal!!
Why I'm writing this journal
I've been told by two people so far that I've become "scary". People say all sorts of things, but the fact that I've been told this twice now has made me stop and think; what's going on? What's different?
The Shift in how I approach social life
The shift I've noticed is that I've been focusing on quality over quantity.
As I meet different people, I experienced the best and the worst of social life. But the worst social incidents completely changed the way I see social life. I used to believe that everyone can be friends, everything can be talked out, that everyone can be trusted to show a basic consideration to other human beings. But clearly that is not the case; one bad egg can poison a friend group and destroy psychological safety, people can fight and introduce a layer of discomfort in a social circle. And the worst bad eggs aren't easy to spot; they're charismatic and tend to treat popular people differently, more kindly - telling them all sorts of things they want to hear.
My mind is such that I tend to want to prevent bad things from happening. I don't want to spend months of a friendship and end having someone who betrays me and screws off. I also don't want to remain lasse affair like I used to in any group I moderate or am part of. This sent me down a rabbit hole of analyzing, how do people think? How do I think?
One thing stood out to me the most in terms of determining the quality of a person as a friend, and that's how much rupture they introduce vs. how much rupture they repair. I developed an internal compass for who I gravitate towards and who I avoid, because in my life, I feel like I've had too much stress; that I've compensated and worked around other people's quirks for too long - and now I've adopted the attitude that people ultimately need to pull their weight too when it comes to being part of a group or friend that I spend time with. There are certain things that are just not ok to say or do, and if they are done, there needs to be an effort into fixing the damage.
And this is the "scary" thing because..
Some people become uncomfortable when someone is evaluating them, noticing every behavior. This would make sense to worry about if someone very trigger-happy is doing this kind of evaluation. This also makes sense for someone to worry if they themselves find themselves in a pattern of bad social interactions over and over again, and know on some level that they're going to get filtered out by this internal gauge on a person's integrity.
But over months of reflection I've come to the conclusion that, yeah, I'm not being ridiculous here - there are basic things that should be universal constants in friendship or group behavior. We shouldn't have to be in a voice chat in fear that someone is going to call us a pedo. We shouldn't have to second-guess whether a friendship is real by spending months with someone who you thought was a warm friend only for them to turn to you and say "uh, actually you're kind of scary because of your penchant for direct conflict", showing no warmth, no regard to what I thought was a friendship, in front of others and then saying "oh i'm just being honest".
I am only very, very rarely on the receiving end of hurt, but seeing enough of it in groups I'm in has made gradually draw a stricter, and in my opinion, fairer line that is fair on me.
Conclusion
I'm still the silly, happy, sometimes manic or anxious husky - only these days, I'm also not people's social kindergarten teacher. People with basic social skills don't need to worry. I've thought a lot about whether I've overcompensated, become too "strict" and premature to pull the trigger, but over time I've come to a fair balance. One bad interaction doesn't have me quit on anyone, but I'm quicker to see whether anyone needs to be shown the door in the FreaksForHarmony Discord server - or not tire myself on someone who just keeps stressing me out and doesn't bother trying to look out for my feelings or repair any rupture that is caused.
I don't think I'm actually describing anything new either. I'm pretty sure that on some level, everyone wants that. It's just that people have different thresholds. Some people will just keep pouring energy into the most utterly doomed, unworthy social connections. Other people are trigger happy, and go from person to person with a new villain of the week who is definitely a Very Bad Person™ without even bothering to try make things work.
I'm somewhere in-between these days - not a doormat, not "triggered".
Though pretty much I have to say, overall I'm super happy with the internet and the people I've met through there x3 Still have the pleasure of seeing many people who are just, genuinely fun AND harbor goodwill, so I'm glad to have quite a number of friends that I hold close to my heart x3
So that's what I wanted to say! Lots of hugs to anyone who read this journal!!
Unrequited Wants = Suffering
General | Posted 6 months agoToday I am quite angry at the state of my life and my constraints in terms of things that I Have to do and Do not want to do.
When I am bombarded by thoughts of things I wish I could do, but do not have the energy or lifespan for, I begin to resent my duties and my constraints.
For this reason, to reduce my suffering, I am now maintaining a list of things that I categorically am not interested in doing anymore. Not even things I wish I could do but can't, things that I am strictly no longer interested in. I cannot quit my job, I cannot make the housing market in Malta less pathetic, I cannot make the climate in Malta any less horrible, but I can cut down on what I want and declare that certain things are categorically not realistic for me to achieve, and therefore not interesting to me, and therefore I no longer will waste energy on.
I can fantasize about the concept all I want, but if it cannot be translated to reality, it is a boring, undesirable idea - food tastes like nothing if you cannot reach it, and spinning the mental wheels and trying to bend backwards to try to acquire the hard-to-acquire is a recipe for suffering.
- Living with a furry friend
- Moving to a country where the housing market isn't complete garbage
- Buying my own house, because the property market in Malta is completely fucked and I've wasted so much time looking for a good property
- Reaching out or responding to people out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine interest
- Making a finished comic. From now on, I only make comic progress when I feel like it rather than looking at a comic and feeling bad that it's unfinished.
- Making a finished game. From now on, I only open Unity or Godot if I'm bored, not with the intention to finish some game
- Buying a console or any game because of the possibility of playing with friends
- Having a consistent posting schedule rather than posting things in sporadic bursts
- Chasing the endless treadmill of transgender therapy in Malta, which is totally pathetic with the 1 year appointments they give you and how much they drag their feet on giving you any kind of HRT
- Trying to play a game out of regret rather than genuine interest
- Trying to schedule interesting things with people at times that are unnatural to me
- Sticking to doing anything that I promised myself to do
- Trying to train my voice to sound more feminine
- Trying to meet any furries in Malta, as my experience with locals has been either being shunned or being treated like some kind of outsider
- Trying to meet any non-furries in Malta, as I've met way too many people who just Do Not give a fuck about other human beings who are of a different culture, and my online lifestyle is often judged by people who are very quick to deem it as unhealthy, further driving me away into the digital world where I can actually meet Decent People for a change
- Trying to walk the fine line between doing what I want in life and letting my life be controlled by guilt or financial fear.
I am completely appalled at all my above past desires. I relinquish them. They have all caused me So much pain over the years that I am now no longer interested in them, and will Never be interested in them again.
No more trying to square a circle. This is reality, I am now making a difference between what is the fantasy goal in my head, and what is actually available to me in reality. I am going to only do things that make me feel good and avoid stressing myself out trying to steer my life towards some disney ass goal that causes so much suffering.
When I am bombarded by thoughts of things I wish I could do, but do not have the energy or lifespan for, I begin to resent my duties and my constraints.
For this reason, to reduce my suffering, I am now maintaining a list of things that I categorically am not interested in doing anymore. Not even things I wish I could do but can't, things that I am strictly no longer interested in. I cannot quit my job, I cannot make the housing market in Malta less pathetic, I cannot make the climate in Malta any less horrible, but I can cut down on what I want and declare that certain things are categorically not realistic for me to achieve, and therefore not interesting to me, and therefore I no longer will waste energy on.
I can fantasize about the concept all I want, but if it cannot be translated to reality, it is a boring, undesirable idea - food tastes like nothing if you cannot reach it, and spinning the mental wheels and trying to bend backwards to try to acquire the hard-to-acquire is a recipe for suffering.
- Living with a furry friend
- Moving to a country where the housing market isn't complete garbage
- Buying my own house, because the property market in Malta is completely fucked and I've wasted so much time looking for a good property
- Reaching out or responding to people out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine interest
- Making a finished comic. From now on, I only make comic progress when I feel like it rather than looking at a comic and feeling bad that it's unfinished.
- Making a finished game. From now on, I only open Unity or Godot if I'm bored, not with the intention to finish some game
- Buying a console or any game because of the possibility of playing with friends
- Having a consistent posting schedule rather than posting things in sporadic bursts
- Chasing the endless treadmill of transgender therapy in Malta, which is totally pathetic with the 1 year appointments they give you and how much they drag their feet on giving you any kind of HRT
- Trying to play a game out of regret rather than genuine interest
- Trying to schedule interesting things with people at times that are unnatural to me
- Sticking to doing anything that I promised myself to do
- Trying to train my voice to sound more feminine
- Trying to meet any furries in Malta, as my experience with locals has been either being shunned or being treated like some kind of outsider
- Trying to meet any non-furries in Malta, as I've met way too many people who just Do Not give a fuck about other human beings who are of a different culture, and my online lifestyle is often judged by people who are very quick to deem it as unhealthy, further driving me away into the digital world where I can actually meet Decent People for a change
- Trying to walk the fine line between doing what I want in life and letting my life be controlled by guilt or financial fear.
I am completely appalled at all my above past desires. I relinquish them. They have all caused me So much pain over the years that I am now no longer interested in them, and will Never be interested in them again.
No more trying to square a circle. This is reality, I am now making a difference between what is the fantasy goal in my head, and what is actually available to me in reality. I am going to only do things that make me feel good and avoid stressing myself out trying to steer my life towards some disney ass goal that causes so much suffering.
I've creatively withdrawn - And I need your help
General | Posted 6 months agoHi all! It's busty husky puppy, woaw!!!
First of all, hugs for visiting my little journal.
I want to start a discussion with people outside my immediate circle, to see what people think.
What people say, or don't say on this journal over the next 1-2 weeks is going to steer my approach to art.
- Lately I've been actually rather happy with how much I'm able to draw.
- Some of you may have noticed that there's a bunch of things I've uploaded to my Lukabooru, but haven't posted anywhere else. 98% of my art is there.
- 1% is low quality stuff like an edit that barely changes anything, or sketches so rough it barely makes sense.
- Another 1% is stuff I'm holding off on uploading until I improve my website to blacklist these drawings by default.
- The reason I draw art is because certain ideas amuse me and it's validating to find people who also enjoy the same things. I also like being reminded that I can in fact do things that make people happy and am not a waste of oxygen.
- The reason I post art to my website is that it feels like a validating little corner of the internet. I also like categorizing things and browsing through my own porn. It also helps me quickly find specific doodles that are funny to bring up when chatting to friends.
- The reason I post art to FA, Bluesky, is... out of a sense of obligation.
So now I want to move on to the elephant in the room.
As I've grown older I've had certain experiences, and seen several things on the internet that.. have slowly begun to affect me. In an insidious, hard to detect way that I am only starting to sniff out now that I fixed my sleeping habits and feel fresh.
When I pick up the pen to draw, these thoughts start floating through my head.
- Have you seen people get accused of being a kiddy diddler for something dubious, using claims of pedos as an excuse to displace anger onto someone innocent?
- Have you seen people, knowing full well it would make people uncomfortable, post kinks that they KNOW are going to cause trouble, and then act incredulous about it, after having it clearly communicated that a certain place is Not the right place for such a taboo kink?
- Have you seen perfectly worthwhile friendships crumble into nothingness because people that seemed very trustworthy are actually more than willing to just Drop a friendship when they find a fetish they don't like?
- How long will it take for someone to dig through the depths of my gallery and say, "erm, technically this cartoon monster is a form of beastiality, therefore you are a person who would fuck a real life cat", and destroy perfectly valid friendships I have?
There are many such thoughts like these. Normally I shove them under the rug and try to draw and get myself to share things despite everything.
But as time goes on they've become louder and louder. I stopped posting to my FurAffinity and Bluesky for this reason. I stopped feeling safe to hang out in certain spaces I definitely have the time to hang out with because I'm afraid of stepping on someone's toes and watching my entire friendgroup fracture into many tiny shards. Again. Further.
I keep trying to tell myself it's fine, but the thoughts keep coming back. It's possible. There's no Plan B for it. If it happens, years of developing a friendship is irreversibly screwed once psychological safety is destroyed.
So, that's what's happening inside.
I lack the boldness that I used to have, and nowadays I just cower and talk to the same few people my mind feels safe around, and decorating my personal little home on the internet (https://lukahusky.space) as the outlet for my imagination.
Now? I don't know what to do.
My gut feeling loudly keeps telling me that I should stay within this comfort zone, that I should keep myself safe in this bubble, and cover every single possible angle so that I never, ever encounter anyone who points that dreaded finger and makes me feel like a freak of nature again.
But now I'm suffocating in my own safety bubble. People I want to talk to that I don't, because I'm scared. Comics that I want to make, drawings I want to share, but feel that every thing I post is a small % chance that I'm going to run into someone who will ruin social life on the internet. Especially when people are popular, there are many strings someone can pull to pit people against each other. People do it in a fit of rage or because they are scared themselves, or have a chip on their shoulder from shitty things that happened to them in the past.
- What are your thoughts about this?
- Do you ever feel like a freak among freaks? A reject among rejects?
- Do you feel safe online with your kinks?
- Am I really suffocating myself, or am I just practicing reasonable precaution?
- How does one cleanse oneself of this fear of being targeted for a kink, and most importantly, having one's social life destroyed by people all too ready to assume things about people they don't know?
First of all, hugs for visiting my little journal.
I want to start a discussion with people outside my immediate circle, to see what people think.
What people say, or don't say on this journal over the next 1-2 weeks is going to steer my approach to art.
Context
- Lately I've been actually rather happy with how much I'm able to draw.
- Some of you may have noticed that there's a bunch of things I've uploaded to my Lukabooru, but haven't posted anywhere else. 98% of my art is there.
- 1% is low quality stuff like an edit that barely changes anything, or sketches so rough it barely makes sense.
- Another 1% is stuff I'm holding off on uploading until I improve my website to blacklist these drawings by default.
- The reason I draw art is because certain ideas amuse me and it's validating to find people who also enjoy the same things. I also like being reminded that I can in fact do things that make people happy and am not a waste of oxygen.
- The reason I post art to my website is that it feels like a validating little corner of the internet. I also like categorizing things and browsing through my own porn. It also helps me quickly find specific doodles that are funny to bring up when chatting to friends.
- The reason I post art to FA, Bluesky, is... out of a sense of obligation.
The Problem I Need Your Opinions About
So now I want to move on to the elephant in the room.
As I've grown older I've had certain experiences, and seen several things on the internet that.. have slowly begun to affect me. In an insidious, hard to detect way that I am only starting to sniff out now that I fixed my sleeping habits and feel fresh.
When I pick up the pen to draw, these thoughts start floating through my head.
- Have you seen people get accused of being a kiddy diddler for something dubious, using claims of pedos as an excuse to displace anger onto someone innocent?
- Have you seen people, knowing full well it would make people uncomfortable, post kinks that they KNOW are going to cause trouble, and then act incredulous about it, after having it clearly communicated that a certain place is Not the right place for such a taboo kink?
- Have you seen perfectly worthwhile friendships crumble into nothingness because people that seemed very trustworthy are actually more than willing to just Drop a friendship when they find a fetish they don't like?
- How long will it take for someone to dig through the depths of my gallery and say, "erm, technically this cartoon monster is a form of beastiality, therefore you are a person who would fuck a real life cat", and destroy perfectly valid friendships I have?
There are many such thoughts like these. Normally I shove them under the rug and try to draw and get myself to share things despite everything.
But as time goes on they've become louder and louder. I stopped posting to my FurAffinity and Bluesky for this reason. I stopped feeling safe to hang out in certain spaces I definitely have the time to hang out with because I'm afraid of stepping on someone's toes and watching my entire friendgroup fracture into many tiny shards. Again. Further.
I keep trying to tell myself it's fine, but the thoughts keep coming back. It's possible. There's no Plan B for it. If it happens, years of developing a friendship is irreversibly screwed once psychological safety is destroyed.
So, that's what's happening inside.
I lack the boldness that I used to have, and nowadays I just cower and talk to the same few people my mind feels safe around, and decorating my personal little home on the internet (https://lukahusky.space) as the outlet for my imagination.
Now? I don't know what to do.
My gut feeling loudly keeps telling me that I should stay within this comfort zone, that I should keep myself safe in this bubble, and cover every single possible angle so that I never, ever encounter anyone who points that dreaded finger and makes me feel like a freak of nature again.
But now I'm suffocating in my own safety bubble. People I want to talk to that I don't, because I'm scared. Comics that I want to make, drawings I want to share, but feel that every thing I post is a small % chance that I'm going to run into someone who will ruin social life on the internet. Especially when people are popular, there are many strings someone can pull to pit people against each other. People do it in a fit of rage or because they are scared themselves, or have a chip on their shoulder from shitty things that happened to them in the past.
What do you think?
- What are your thoughts about this?
- Do you ever feel like a freak among freaks? A reject among rejects?
- Do you feel safe online with your kinks?
- Am I really suffocating myself, or am I just practicing reasonable precaution?
- How does one cleanse oneself of this fear of being targeted for a kink, and most importantly, having one's social life destroyed by people all too ready to assume things about people they don't know?
I'm not drawing as much as I'd like to these days
General | Posted 9 months agoAs always, anything I draw will be available on Lukabooru, so if once in a blue moon I make a sketch, it'll get uploaded there.
My body has been failing me and I can't keep up with posting my art online. I've been wanting for years to be an active artist but the reality is that I just don't have the health to be one of those people who somehow pushes out a full colored drawing every week, so I'm just giving up and dropping the expectation. Even after my several attempts to appease the sleep gods, even after the workplace bending backwards to accomodate me, even sleeping 9+ hours a day for months, I still feel tired 24/7, so I'm just done with fantasizing about having a body where I can actually sit down and do the things I want to do instead of vegetating on things that are mildly entertaining but easy to do. So for the time being, I'm just going to update Lukabooru whenever I make a doodle.
I'm also trying out this technique a good friend told me about, my implementation of it involves drawing a simple stick figure type face once per day, which is so easy that I cannot possibly fail to start it. I'm sick of having to make do with my shitty biological limitations, and on top of that, endlessly shovel blame onto myself because Oh I'm Just Not Trying Hard Enough or I Just Havent Figured It Out Yet. No, my body is shit, I've tried everything under the sun, and now I've reached a state of acceptance.
Maybe one day I will find a way to cure this, but for the time being, I give up.
Maybe I just need encouragement, or some hopeful sentiments that somehow I'll be able to conquer this problem. Maybe some good vibes or something nice and cheerful to help me out of this headspace of having given up.
My body has been failing me and I can't keep up with posting my art online. I've been wanting for years to be an active artist but the reality is that I just don't have the health to be one of those people who somehow pushes out a full colored drawing every week, so I'm just giving up and dropping the expectation. Even after my several attempts to appease the sleep gods, even after the workplace bending backwards to accomodate me, even sleeping 9+ hours a day for months, I still feel tired 24/7, so I'm just done with fantasizing about having a body where I can actually sit down and do the things I want to do instead of vegetating on things that are mildly entertaining but easy to do. So for the time being, I'm just going to update Lukabooru whenever I make a doodle.
I'm also trying out this technique a good friend told me about, my implementation of it involves drawing a simple stick figure type face once per day, which is so easy that I cannot possibly fail to start it. I'm sick of having to make do with my shitty biological limitations, and on top of that, endlessly shovel blame onto myself because Oh I'm Just Not Trying Hard Enough or I Just Havent Figured It Out Yet. No, my body is shit, I've tried everything under the sun, and now I've reached a state of acceptance.
Maybe one day I will find a way to cure this, but for the time being, I give up.
Maybe I just need encouragement, or some hopeful sentiments that somehow I'll be able to conquer this problem. Maybe some good vibes or something nice and cheerful to help me out of this headspace of having given up.
YESSS! FA HAS TAG BLOCKING!
General | Posted 11 months agoPraise be! They actually did it!!
I just have felt self-conscious about posting, and since I had created Lukabooru (https://www.lukahusky.space/art) as a way to express myself more freely, I ended up kindda forgetting about the
extremeHusky account. My goodies will be posted to the extreme account eventually but just remember that they'll always be available earlier on my website!
So yeah, in short, this account / bluesky is anything kinky without sexual or very niche stuff, and the extremeHusky account is for the niche or explicit kinks of mine x3
I am glad to start 2025 with some good news, I feel like I need more good news in my life, more uplifting things happening to rejuvenate my spirit 💙
I just have felt self-conscious about posting, and since I had created Lukabooru (https://www.lukahusky.space/art) as a way to express myself more freely, I ended up kindda forgetting about the
extremeHusky account. My goodies will be posted to the extreme account eventually but just remember that they'll always be available earlier on my website!So yeah, in short, this account / bluesky is anything kinky without sexual or very niche stuff, and the extremeHusky account is for the niche or explicit kinks of mine x3
I am glad to start 2025 with some good news, I feel like I need more good news in my life, more uplifting things happening to rejuvenate my spirit 💙
A Very Merry Hasky Christmas!!
General | Posted 11 months ago🎄 Merry Christmas!!! 🎄
Im aboutta get some sleepies, but I hope you all are having a comfy Christmas!
What thing are y'all lookin forward to next year? x3
For me I feel that 2025 is gonna be a year where I focus on strengthening my inner toughness, trying to learn to worry less and take setbacks in stride, improving my ability to be balanced in how I approach things in life and no longer see things as the calamity that I used to feel they were!
This year I pretty much spent it doing a sideways move in my career, trying to conquer my binge/burnout work style, adjusting to a better sleep schedule, lots of VRChat avatar improvements like the first ever stucc avatar or tweaking my hasky or sylveon, made the personal website I wanted to make (lukahusky.space), made some automation tools to improve my daily logging of finances and other fun stuff, made some art goodies for my own imagination, lots of MapTools shenanigans, hanging out with people in voice chats, and a lot a LOT of Binding of Isaac (I got my first Dead God, oof).. and while I did become a bit reclusive towards the end of the year, I'm hoping that would change once again and that I'll be back to my old very outgoing self again.
Wishing you strength for the new year!! 💙
As always I've been posting any goodies early to Lukabooru (here -> https://www.lukahusky.space/art) for those who wanna have a sneak peek at cute or horny things I've been doodling, thought I'd mention it in case anyone interested may enjoy x3
Im aboutta get some sleepies, but I hope you all are having a comfy Christmas!
What thing are y'all lookin forward to next year? x3
For me I feel that 2025 is gonna be a year where I focus on strengthening my inner toughness, trying to learn to worry less and take setbacks in stride, improving my ability to be balanced in how I approach things in life and no longer see things as the calamity that I used to feel they were!
This year I pretty much spent it doing a sideways move in my career, trying to conquer my binge/burnout work style, adjusting to a better sleep schedule, lots of VRChat avatar improvements like the first ever stucc avatar or tweaking my hasky or sylveon, made the personal website I wanted to make (lukahusky.space), made some automation tools to improve my daily logging of finances and other fun stuff, made some art goodies for my own imagination, lots of MapTools shenanigans, hanging out with people in voice chats, and a lot a LOT of Binding of Isaac (I got my first Dead God, oof).. and while I did become a bit reclusive towards the end of the year, I'm hoping that would change once again and that I'll be back to my old very outgoing self again.
Wishing you strength for the new year!! 💙
As always I've been posting any goodies early to Lukabooru (here -> https://www.lukahusky.space/art) for those who wanna have a sneak peek at cute or horny things I've been doodling, thought I'd mention it in case anyone interested may enjoy x3
💙 lukahusky.space - the Comprehensive Luka Art Website
General | Posted 12 months agoSo some of you may have noticed the little hints here and there, some I've told directly, but it's been awful selfish of me to hoard all my unposted art to myself, gosh! x3
In Lukabooru you can search eeeeeeeeverything I've ever made or received in one place, with art tagged as best as I could.
Before I post anything to FA, my newest sketches and drawings will automatically show up in Lukabooru the moment I make them. x3
This is a fun toy because you can get veeeery specific with your searches..
- Want to search for furry conjoinment head inflation without sex? Possible.
- Want to never see anything that has sex in it? Scroll down in the list of tags and click "-" next to Sex, and it'll be added to your blacklist.
- Want to see boobs with no nipples? Yep.
- Want to see only my art and not ReceivedArt? Or art that I haven't drawn myself but received from other people? Yep.
Hydrus Network is a very powerful solution for proper tagging because I can configure tags to be aliases for other tags, or set tags to imply the presence of other tags. I've *mostly* tagged all art I've ever done, but I'm still going over various collections to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Feel free browsing all my furry art I've made or received ever!! 💙
This was a BIG passion project of mine that I made as a form of self expression, and I'm glad to finally unveil it to the larger public. Maybe someone would enjoy being able to sift through all the Luka art ever and finding goodies that they may not have seen.
This is still all very much a slow WIP so there may a little rough edges, you'll be doing me a favor sending me a private note or DM telling me about anything I missed.
If there's anything you've enjoyed and like more of, remember that comments encourages me to make more of such things!
Have fun and stay horny!!
Hats off to funmaker for a heckin good React project! I made my custom developments to the React project like adding a view counter and my own server to go with it.
💙 https://www.lukahusky.space/art 🎈
In Lukabooru you can search eeeeeeeeverything I've ever made or received in one place, with art tagged as best as I could.
Before I post anything to FA, my newest sketches and drawings will automatically show up in Lukabooru the moment I make them. x3
This is a fun toy because you can get veeeery specific with your searches..
- Want to search for furry conjoinment head inflation without sex? Possible.
- Want to never see anything that has sex in it? Scroll down in the list of tags and click "-" next to Sex, and it'll be added to your blacklist.
- Want to see boobs with no nipples? Yep.
- Want to see only my art and not ReceivedArt? Or art that I haven't drawn myself but received from other people? Yep.
Hydrus Network is a very powerful solution for proper tagging because I can configure tags to be aliases for other tags, or set tags to imply the presence of other tags. I've *mostly* tagged all art I've ever done, but I'm still going over various collections to make sure I didn't miss anything.
Feel free browsing all my furry art I've made or received ever!! 💙
This was a BIG passion project of mine that I made as a form of self expression, and I'm glad to finally unveil it to the larger public. Maybe someone would enjoy being able to sift through all the Luka art ever and finding goodies that they may not have seen.
This is still all very much a slow WIP so there may a little rough edges, you'll be doing me a favor sending me a private note or DM telling me about anything I missed.
If there's anything you've enjoyed and like more of, remember that comments encourages me to make more of such things!
Have fun and stay horny!!
Hats off to funmaker for a heckin good React project! I made my custom developments to the React project like adding a view counter and my own server to go with it.
Sciggles Mommy
General | Posted a year agohttps://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10989833
Damn! This open letter is actually really in tune with the community.
I'm all for Momma Sciggles at the helm x3
Damn! This open letter is actually really in tune with the community.
I'm all for Momma Sciggles at the helm x3
wow bluesky hasky rhymes
General | Posted a year agowho wouldda seen that coming??
Yeah I feel more comfy posting to Bluesky now x3
Also I'm like
Not embarrassed and discouraged to post my stuff anymore
So here comes a backlog of daily polished goodies from me!!
https://bsky.app/profile/lukaloginska.bsky.social
Yeah I feel more comfy posting to Bluesky now x3
Also I'm like
Not embarrassed and discouraged to post my stuff anymore
So here comes a backlog of daily polished goodies from me!!
About: "Hold on lemme Cook"
General | Posted a year agoWhy is it...
That when we're preparing for a plan to achieve something epic, we're cooking
But when we're struggling, not doing well, failed at something, that we're cooked?
I'm so confused by slanguage
my frontbrain is trying so hard to Lukasplain this but can't
That when we're preparing for a plan to achieve something epic, we're cooking
But when we're struggling, not doing well, failed at something, that we're cooked?
I'm so confused by slanguage
my frontbrain is trying so hard to Lukasplain this but can't
I appreciate all that FA has done 🙏
General | Posted a year agoSome quick thoughts; I'm glad FurAffinity, clunky as it is, has done what it's done. The best people I've met online all came from here.
Somehow, it just attracted a particular wavelength of people that Understand 💙
I always think about how if the D6 of life rolled slightly differently, I could've remained a loner floating from community to another. But ever since I started at 15 I've just met so many people who built me up and cared about me. It's part of why I feel like I want to reciprocate that to the people from the funny box at home. x3
I'm very close to unveiling the Definitive way people can browse my art in one place, to those who want to give early feedback I can just send you a private link.
Keep on having fun!!
Somehow, it just attracted a particular wavelength of people that Understand 💙
I always think about how if the D6 of life rolled slightly differently, I could've remained a loner floating from community to another. But ever since I started at 15 I've just met so many people who built me up and cared about me. It's part of why I feel like I want to reciprocate that to the people from the funny box at home. x3
I'm very close to unveiling the Definitive way people can browse my art in one place, to those who want to give early feedback I can just send you a private link.
Keep on having fun!!
OMG 33rd BIRTHDAY DOGGY!!!
General | Posted a year agoOMG!!
I leveled up to level 33!
I'm in my prime even though 33 is not a prime number!! 💙💙
Love you all, the funny nice internet people helped me change for the better over the years..
I'm not done yet! Lots lots more to do and enjoy >w<
Yayayayayay *runs around in circles and then darts off because I got distracted*
I leveled up to level 33!
I'm in my prime even though 33 is not a prime number!! 💙💙
Love you all, the funny nice internet people helped me change for the better over the years..
I'm not done yet! Lots lots more to do and enjoy >w<
Yayayayayay *runs around in circles and then darts off because I got distracted*
Hasky Returnsky, Feeling Wellsky 💙
General | Posted a year agoWhew, a lot has happened these last few months
Not sure where to begin or If to begin!
But here's a complete set of updates~ 💙
Partly so y'all know what I'm up to, but also this journal has a sentimental value to me, it serves as a form of closure to me.
At the end of each day for almost 5 months I've been measuring what I call the SLW (scale of life wellness) from a scale of -10 (completely can't take it anymore) to +10 (on top of the world) and I've been averaging a score of consistently 6.4, with not too much deviation. Needless to say I'm out of the woods. Between improving my habits, my new job being good, and me working towards total detachment from bad influences in my life has culminated in me just facing the regular amount of problems, and the magic of life came back to me.
After being inactive due to being unwell, I also became inactive for some time because I've been focusing on a few not-very-visible projects. I forgot to really announce this or give anyone a heads up which I'm thinking of doing in the future.
Something I've been thinking about a lot is how, whenever one of these projects crosses my mind, I go all in and fixate over it to the exclusion of other things. Or, how in the period where I was stressed, that i simply keep to myself and obsessively dump my time into very time consuming hobbies.
What I'm going to be doing in the future is that I'm going to accept and plan around the fact that I have this natural tendency to focus on things very powerfully and then switch, so the way I'll be using my FurAffinity is that I'll be inactive for some time, and then update with all the art I've done. I'll also give people a heads up whenever I'm going to be less active.
On my profile, I still update the "Last Checked In" every time I log into my FurAffinity. If that date goes old, that means I'm not too active on FA, and probably am focusing either on a new game, trying to beat a personal game record, doing progress on hobby projects, or prioritizing IRL things.
One of the things I've learnt about myself this year is that I overexplain myself. Hell, this journal is very complicated, but being verbose and going into every nitty gritty detail is the way I also process information for even myself by putting them in clearly defined phrases.
Part of trying to improve myself is that I've been trying to make a conscious effort to KISS. Keep is simple silly X3
The reason thinking so "complicated" is a detriment to me is that simple things become daunting, and the end result is that the activation energy for me to start Anything is unusually high. So I end up not responding to people, not showing up to voice chats, not showing up to work in severe cases.
But I understand the root cause now. The reason I do this is that I've had my frame of mind questioned SO many times, my perception challenged SO often, that my knee-jerk self preservation reaction has become obsessively, tirelessly categorizing, documenting, estimating, analyzing. But it's all a natural, compulsive reaction because of the way things turned out, I had to constantly defend my worldview from my Cluster B parent who would try to stamp out thoughts of my own because "they always know what's right". Straight up denying that my emotions are that severe, saying that other people feel much worse. Questioning whether things happened, making me cite evidence for things that we all knew were true. Now, on topics that we would agree on, there was no problem at all. But whenever there is anything that they wanted that is a detriment to me but is good for them, that's when the trouble started.
So, these giant paragraphs are an interesting form of trauma.
But now I understand it fully, I've fully detached from the toxic well in my life, and now I want to heal it by thinking less.
The world is less terrifying than what I was made to believe.
I do not need to continue justifying myself so tirelessly, I need to vouch for myself even in the face of uncertainty, and I certainly know I'm not the type who would go to the other extreme and become completely devoid of consideration for others.
I am writing this journal as a form of closure, to basically close this chapter of my life and declare it gone forever.
Every time I have turned a new chapter, it has been a step upwards, away from being a nervous wreck with no self esteem and bowing down or struggling against coercion and manipulation, and towards being someone who vouches for themselves, likes themselves and is not moved or fazed by coercion and manipulation.
You do not need to justify yourself to people who have emotionally abused you and are trying to make you fully dependent on them, people who try to cut you from your support structure by pitting you against them. You do not owe them anything.
And so I can ease up - I can relax, no more categorizing, analyzing and hyper-researching everything out of fear. I am no longer afraid.
Right now I have three main focuses in terms of fun stuff:
- Voice chatting on Discord
- Coloring in art as a form of relaxation, and posting them
- Final modifications to a website I've been secretly developing, one that has enormous sentimental value to me
- hugging you
I also may indulge, occasionally, in secondary things if I am bored:
- VRChat Luka modifications
- Disaster recovery plan
- playing garn47 and obsessing over Car and Carr they are so CUTE aaaaaaaa
Not sure where to begin or If to begin!
But here's a complete set of updates~ 💙
Partly so y'all know what I'm up to, but also this journal has a sentimental value to me, it serves as a form of closure to me.
Wellbeing has been consistently good since May
At the end of each day for almost 5 months I've been measuring what I call the SLW (scale of life wellness) from a scale of -10 (completely can't take it anymore) to +10 (on top of the world) and I've been averaging a score of consistently 6.4, with not too much deviation. Needless to say I'm out of the woods. Between improving my habits, my new job being good, and me working towards total detachment from bad influences in my life has culminated in me just facing the regular amount of problems, and the magic of life came back to me.
Secret projects + How I'll handle them in the future
After being inactive due to being unwell, I also became inactive for some time because I've been focusing on a few not-very-visible projects. I forgot to really announce this or give anyone a heads up which I'm thinking of doing in the future.
Something I've been thinking about a lot is how, whenever one of these projects crosses my mind, I go all in and fixate over it to the exclusion of other things. Or, how in the period where I was stressed, that i simply keep to myself and obsessively dump my time into very time consuming hobbies.
What I'm going to be doing in the future is that I'm going to accept and plan around the fact that I have this natural tendency to focus on things very powerfully and then switch, so the way I'll be using my FurAffinity is that I'll be inactive for some time, and then update with all the art I've done. I'll also give people a heads up whenever I'm going to be less active.
On my profile, I still update the "Last Checked In" every time I log into my FurAffinity. If that date goes old, that means I'm not too active on FA, and probably am focusing either on a new game, trying to beat a personal game record, doing progress on hobby projects, or prioritizing IRL things.
Self discovery on why I think so "complicated", and how I'm committed to thinking more simple
One of the things I've learnt about myself this year is that I overexplain myself. Hell, this journal is very complicated, but being verbose and going into every nitty gritty detail is the way I also process information for even myself by putting them in clearly defined phrases.
Part of trying to improve myself is that I've been trying to make a conscious effort to KISS. Keep is simple silly X3
The reason thinking so "complicated" is a detriment to me is that simple things become daunting, and the end result is that the activation energy for me to start Anything is unusually high. So I end up not responding to people, not showing up to voice chats, not showing up to work in severe cases.
But I understand the root cause now. The reason I do this is that I've had my frame of mind questioned SO many times, my perception challenged SO often, that my knee-jerk self preservation reaction has become obsessively, tirelessly categorizing, documenting, estimating, analyzing. But it's all a natural, compulsive reaction because of the way things turned out, I had to constantly defend my worldview from my Cluster B parent who would try to stamp out thoughts of my own because "they always know what's right". Straight up denying that my emotions are that severe, saying that other people feel much worse. Questioning whether things happened, making me cite evidence for things that we all knew were true. Now, on topics that we would agree on, there was no problem at all. But whenever there is anything that they wanted that is a detriment to me but is good for them, that's when the trouble started.
So, these giant paragraphs are an interesting form of trauma.
But now I understand it fully, I've fully detached from the toxic well in my life, and now I want to heal it by thinking less.
The world is less terrifying than what I was made to believe.
I do not need to continue justifying myself so tirelessly, I need to vouch for myself even in the face of uncertainty, and I certainly know I'm not the type who would go to the other extreme and become completely devoid of consideration for others.
I am writing this journal as a form of closure, to basically close this chapter of my life and declare it gone forever.
Every time I have turned a new chapter, it has been a step upwards, away from being a nervous wreck with no self esteem and bowing down or struggling against coercion and manipulation, and towards being someone who vouches for themselves, likes themselves and is not moved or fazed by coercion and manipulation.
You do not need to justify yourself to people who have emotionally abused you and are trying to make you fully dependent on them, people who try to cut you from your support structure by pitting you against them. You do not owe them anything.
And so I can ease up - I can relax, no more categorizing, analyzing and hyper-researching everything out of fear. I am no longer afraid.
What I'm focusing on now
Right now I have three main focuses in terms of fun stuff:
- Voice chatting on Discord
- Coloring in art as a form of relaxation, and posting them
- Final modifications to a website I've been secretly developing, one that has enormous sentimental value to me
- hugging you
I also may indulge, occasionally, in secondary things if I am bored:
- VRChat Luka modifications
- Disaster recovery plan
- playing garn47 and obsessing over Car and Carr they are so CUTE aaaaaaaa
I've been unwell for some time now
General | Posted a year agoHey. So as the days since my last submission posted increase I feel the need to admit that I haven't been doing well for a few months now. That's almost 3 months of being in a troubled state where I barely have the motivation to do much.
Since the 27th March including today, I've started measuring my mood. I've had 6 good days and 11 bad days. Of the bad days, 3 days were crisis days. The highs have all been mild and I haven't had any particularly good days where I looked back and was like "man was I glad that day happened".
So, I have spent 65% of my time on this world since 27th March feeling overall, quite not okay. That's a lot of time.
It's naturally wreaked havoc on my will to do much. I only draw my happy art when I'm reasonably happy, and vent art only worsens my mood.
Over time as I've been unable to force myself to continue doing the things I love I've started to develop a bad relationship with art.
When I think of art all I can think now is a shock of guilt down my spine. I can barely look at Clip Studio Paint anymore.
Right now, I'm on week 2 of having Actually Good Daily Sleep. I'm sure it's helping but I still feel tired very often, day in day out.
The thing that's made me feel good recently is doing some coding to automate some of my life processes, but even though it's been very successful I just haven't had the appetite to do more of the things I wanted to do.
I've just kindda formed a negative association with doing anything so I'm kind of... stuck.
Like in a really bad way.
I've spent too much time feeling guilty or getting frustrated trying to push myself to do the things I'm supposed to love so now I've grown to kind of hate the things I used to love.
All I genuinely feel like doing is just browsing and maybe sometimes playing some games, and lots and lots of sleeping. I've found from my time tracking that I sleep an average of 11 hours a day.
I hope I get to a point where I love drawing again. I want to.
Drawing means a LOT to me. I remember when it used to make me so, so happy and I used to get super imaginative.
I did manage to draw a Foxparks lately after Palworld made me at least feel Something good. I hope I can get to a headspace where I can function normally again and be my usual happy self.
So in the mean time, that's why I'm not really posting much or reply much to people.
I already vent a lot of my worst feelings in a vent chat so when this problem is dominating my mind it's hard to answer a DM or get involved in chats that I usually want to participate in.
This sucks.
Maybe it won't last forever.
I hope I can pull through because I know there's at least a few people who's happy to see the kind of stuff I post so that's Something that makes me happy
One of the things that makes me the happiest is when I do something, and I see concrete evidence that people are Feeling something Good as a result
I hope I make it through this rough patch.
Since the 27th March including today, I've started measuring my mood. I've had 6 good days and 11 bad days. Of the bad days, 3 days were crisis days. The highs have all been mild and I haven't had any particularly good days where I looked back and was like "man was I glad that day happened".
So, I have spent 65% of my time on this world since 27th March feeling overall, quite not okay. That's a lot of time.
It's naturally wreaked havoc on my will to do much. I only draw my happy art when I'm reasonably happy, and vent art only worsens my mood.
Over time as I've been unable to force myself to continue doing the things I love I've started to develop a bad relationship with art.
When I think of art all I can think now is a shock of guilt down my spine. I can barely look at Clip Studio Paint anymore.
Right now, I'm on week 2 of having Actually Good Daily Sleep. I'm sure it's helping but I still feel tired very often, day in day out.
The thing that's made me feel good recently is doing some coding to automate some of my life processes, but even though it's been very successful I just haven't had the appetite to do more of the things I wanted to do.
I've just kindda formed a negative association with doing anything so I'm kind of... stuck.
Like in a really bad way.
I've spent too much time feeling guilty or getting frustrated trying to push myself to do the things I'm supposed to love so now I've grown to kind of hate the things I used to love.
All I genuinely feel like doing is just browsing and maybe sometimes playing some games, and lots and lots of sleeping. I've found from my time tracking that I sleep an average of 11 hours a day.
I hope I get to a point where I love drawing again. I want to.
Drawing means a LOT to me. I remember when it used to make me so, so happy and I used to get super imaginative.
I did manage to draw a Foxparks lately after Palworld made me at least feel Something good. I hope I can get to a headspace where I can function normally again and be my usual happy self.
So in the mean time, that's why I'm not really posting much or reply much to people.
I already vent a lot of my worst feelings in a vent chat so when this problem is dominating my mind it's hard to answer a DM or get involved in chats that I usually want to participate in.
This sucks.
Maybe it won't last forever.
I hope I can pull through because I know there's at least a few people who's happy to see the kind of stuff I post so that's Something that makes me happy
One of the things that makes me the happiest is when I do something, and I see concrete evidence that people are Feeling something Good as a result
I hope I make it through this rough patch.
I'm fixing my sleep deprivation at all costs
General | Posted a year agoI've been kind of abusing the hell out of my sleep schedule and body trying to wrangle with the fact that there is ~3 usable hours in a day and 99999 things I want to do in life and not a fraction of time to do all the super time consuming things I wanted to do
Since I started my new job and went from "turbo sleep abuse" straight into "rigid and unaccomodating 7 hours expected out of me Monday to Friday" it's kind of wreaking a special kind of havoc in my life and it's put me in a barely functioning state
Thankfully I've taken some *hard life decisions* and made it my mission to be extremely rigid about my sleep cycle and getting scientific with how I treat my sleep problem by trying everything I possibly can to solve the multiple root causes that ultimately culminate into "tired all the time and barely able to talk to anyone or draw"
It's kindda painful to have to choose between what I am going to focus myself on but I'm slowly accepting that reality. It's better than burning the candle on both ends and then being plunged in an emotional hellscape. I've been in a really, really, REALLY alarmingly bad mindspace haha but I have hopes I'll climb out of it with this change of attitude I've been slowly having.
Wanted to make this journal especially to give people an idea why I've been kindda withdrawn and barely active.
Also KOMUGI IS SO CUTE I HAVE BEEN WATCHING WONDERFUL PRECURE AND I WOULD LIKE TO GUSH ABOUT HOW CUTE SHE IS FDNLGSJ;SDFGNH;LSDGFAS;LDF SHE IS SUCH A NEEDY LITTLE POBRECITO I WANT TO HOLD HER *blows up*
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....51da1e4954&;
Since I started my new job and went from "turbo sleep abuse" straight into "rigid and unaccomodating 7 hours expected out of me Monday to Friday" it's kind of wreaking a special kind of havoc in my life and it's put me in a barely functioning state
Thankfully I've taken some *hard life decisions* and made it my mission to be extremely rigid about my sleep cycle and getting scientific with how I treat my sleep problem by trying everything I possibly can to solve the multiple root causes that ultimately culminate into "tired all the time and barely able to talk to anyone or draw"
It's kindda painful to have to choose between what I am going to focus myself on but I'm slowly accepting that reality. It's better than burning the candle on both ends and then being plunged in an emotional hellscape. I've been in a really, really, REALLY alarmingly bad mindspace haha but I have hopes I'll climb out of it with this change of attitude I've been slowly having.
Wanted to make this journal especially to give people an idea why I've been kindda withdrawn and barely active.
Also KOMUGI IS SO CUTE I HAVE BEEN WATCHING WONDERFUL PRECURE AND I WOULD LIKE TO GUSH ABOUT HOW CUTE SHE IS FDNLGSJ;SDFGNH;LSDGFAS;LDF SHE IS SUCH A NEEDY LITTLE POBRECITO I WANT TO HOLD HER *blows up*
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....51da1e4954&;
Future extreme art's gonna be posted on my alt account ...
General | Posted a year agoI've had an internal resolution and I'm going to be more loose with posting alts and horny edits of older drawings, as well as new extreme drawings, I'll be posting them to my extreme account X3
💙 extremeHusky 💙
Basically drawings in this account will be only yummy BBW, Quadruped and Stucc stuff, but anything that has extreme inflation, sex, weird hyper or paws will go in the extreme account where I'll post my deepest desires X3
That's not to say that I'm holding back, I just want to give people more fine grained control of what shows up in their Submissions feed X3
As usual I'll still be posting future extreme drawings to my Mastodon account as well (@LukaLoginska@blimps.xyz) but you'll see that they're properly tagged, so people can easily just block tags that they don't want to see~
I'm very conscious that my art is very kinky and while I want to express myself I want to make sure that I'm tactful about it too so that people don't get blindsided by a kink they're not into, but can still enjoy stuff that I'm into that is enjoyed by a larger amount of people, hehehe ^///^
That being said I also have started a new job since last Wednesday but this has ironically improved my wakefulness overall and I'm managing to do sketches (or VRChat model tweaking) every day rather than having consecutive zero days, so that is a surprising and welcome good change to my wellbeing!
I loooooove furry art so being in good enough health and not being fatigued enough to be able to be fresh enough to do this stuff is very important to me~
I wish you all a good day and thank you for reading (and for being horny for any of my stuff!! I post art to express myself and it gives me a nice tingle when I see people enjoying it as much as I do~)
💙
extremeHusky 💙Basically drawings in this account will be only yummy BBW, Quadruped and Stucc stuff, but anything that has extreme inflation, sex, weird hyper or paws will go in the extreme account where I'll post my deepest desires X3
That's not to say that I'm holding back, I just want to give people more fine grained control of what shows up in their Submissions feed X3
As usual I'll still be posting future extreme drawings to my Mastodon account as well (@LukaLoginska@blimps.xyz) but you'll see that they're properly tagged, so people can easily just block tags that they don't want to see~
I'm very conscious that my art is very kinky and while I want to express myself I want to make sure that I'm tactful about it too so that people don't get blindsided by a kink they're not into, but can still enjoy stuff that I'm into that is enjoyed by a larger amount of people, hehehe ^///^
That being said I also have started a new job since last Wednesday but this has ironically improved my wakefulness overall and I'm managing to do sketches (or VRChat model tweaking) every day rather than having consecutive zero days, so that is a surprising and welcome good change to my wellbeing!
I loooooove furry art so being in good enough health and not being fatigued enough to be able to be fresh enough to do this stuff is very important to me~
I wish you all a good day and thank you for reading (and for being horny for any of my stuff!! I post art to express myself and it gives me a nice tingle when I see people enjoying it as much as I do~)
Addictive work style ruined my sleep + What I'll do now
General | Posted 2 years agoIt's a pretty big problem that I'm not 100% sure what to do about but have a strong hypothesis now
It's kind of a vicious cycle that I'm stuck in because it starts with bad decisions and then it becomes self-perpetuating
Because now I'm at a state where I physically can't sleep for longer than 2-3 hours and that's still not enough sleep and not at the right time
So I've still been jetlagged 24/7 and it's been getting in the way of me functioning and doing anything other than the most stimulating possible stuff
I'm not Entirely sure what to do about this, if anyone has advice on how I can climb out of this sleep deprivation hole I have Some left in me to try pretty much anything. But I do have Something I'm doing that I'll share later on in this journal.
My mood has been quite Good on the whole but the erratic sleeping times has ensured that my Circadian Rhythm is in constant shock and that my ability to do things that require me to be fresh (draw things without intrinsic motivation) so this is Quite a huge problem
On the bright side, I've landed a new job so I'll be starting in about a month's time so just as planned, I've spent a few months away from the woes of work and now I'm going to be in a job that isn't going to squeeze the lifeforce out of me. To be specific, more than that: I've gained the emotional superpower to look for another job if the honeymoon period passes and the job reveals its completely unacceptable levels of stress and work/life balance boundary crossing like putting enormous work squarely on the shoulders of one person and expecting them to complete a deadline that is not doable and then guilt tripping the shit out of me and then making the stress unmanageable through a dishonest performance improvement plan. A few days every few months is okay but constantly is not. Plus, fuck the 9 hour workday. 7 hours a day 5 days a week with regular working hours including transit is what I see as humane conditions and my last job taught me that I'm super done with bending backwards because I technically am qualified for these senior level hair-whitening developer jobs and Can make one of the best salaries I can in my country. I don't want the money, I want the quality of life.
So yes, this new job can end up being a dud and I may have to move again but at least I've gained the ability to Just Fucking Leave and not hesitate in searching for another job if the honeymoon period passes and the true company culture turns out to be a bad deal. Just like candidates kindda stretch how they describe their skills (because they kindda have to), employers do the same and will tell you about how everyone is chill but you find out that they are in fact, not chill. That was my experience with the previous, they had me with their sales pitch and I specifically asked questions to suss out the company culture but didn't know that I should check how well a company is doing. If a company's stocks are plummetting, Do Not Go There unless you are 100% prepared for that job to be temporary as hell.
I want a job that I can just show up to, be useful, and still have soul left in me when I go home so I can draw my furry porn.
Taking a 5 month career break has kindda highlighted my flaw with my ability to sleep consistently, so I want to solve this chronic problem.
I want to stress how categorically Sick I am with my chronic, self-inflicted sleep deprivation. That is not the Fault of any job, but the effects are amplified exponentially by a shitty job.
I'm extremely triggered right now as I write this but I need to get this out Somewhere and also as a way to document this for myself later on.
I'm extremely resistant to stress and the only kind of stress that breaks my composure is either feeling like I'm going to deal with a chronic problem for the rest of my life, or feeling like I have no safety and that I can lose my financial security at any moment. I'm not moved by people yelling at me or the constant shit hitting the fan or the guilt and bad personalities I rarely meet in the workplace. And I'm especially resistant to the brand of stress that's about complex multifaceted problems. But as long I am cock sure that pouring effort is going to amount to something and that I am reassured that I am secure and don't have to worry about losing my job, then production level problems or deadlines do not phase me. It's only the fear of ending up with no money that causes stress that I can't deal with.
So, final words, I've resolved to start being more aggressive with tackling my sleep and using more extreme measures. Whatever I've been doing, ain't working so I'm going to do what I do best and turn things on its head until I find a solution, just like how I was morbidly obese for several years until I got it into my head that I want a fucking gastric bypass and it worked and made that problem go away forever. Life has shown me time and time again that when I hit a wall like this, something has to fucking give, and I'm going to have to take calculated risks.
Leaving my job without another one lined up has given me the wiggle room I needed to soul search and change track in my career. I sent 37 applications, went to a total of 6 interviews and 1 of them succeeded and is one of the Best possible working conditions I can find for a serviceable amount of money. So what I know for sure is that these triggered moments have their actual use: they put me in a state where I start to seriously consider changing up my strategy. Then, I spend a few days reflecting on it seriously when I'm in a normal mood and then I act on it. I will do the same thing with sleep because I am Multiple levels of sick of my addictive work/play style getting in the way of me feeling fresh and functioning normally. When I'm fresh I KNOW I can get all the things I want to do done, I know how it feels like.
That's all! I've written this journal mostly for myself, but it may also give those who are curious some background information on what's going on behind the scenes that would explain exactly why I'm not too consistent with my presence online X3; But I've gotten it into my head two months ago that I want to fucking fix this problem, ASAP and I'm still working on it, and today marks the day where over the next few days, I'm going to experiment with fundamentally shaking up the way I approach planning. Specifically, by throwing away Action Intentions and replacing them with something different that I'm toying with now, which I've internally labeled as "State-Aware Time Blocks". So instead of putting a specific task at a specific time slot like I normally do, I'm going to assign blocks of time dedicated to Work, Fun, Art and Maintenance that actually takes into account how I would be feeling at the time - rather than set my mind on "I will do <Task> at <Time>". Because what's happening is that when I DO do them, whether it's a video game or art or hanging out, what happens is that I get carried the hell away. So instead, what I'll be trying out is that, at any point in time, I'm going to assign myself a "Time Block" which have their if-then rules that I am Actually Okay with following. No more trying to iron myself into a work state and then occasionally exploding into some crazed 4-6 hour work binge. Instead, I've been compiling a list of explicitly defined "hooks" for starting and stopping.
If I am drawing and I am feeling bored, then I Stop and take a break and try see if I can get myself inspired again. Because, if I continue rigidly forcing myself to draw when I'm bored, what will happen is that I will kill my art motivation and associate drawing with being bored. On the flipside, if I am drawing and I am feeling Thirsty but feel worried that if I stop drawing that I'll never get anything done, I explicitly define that I will stop to go take a drink, and then continue drawing. Because, if I don't drink and don't stop I will end up in a crazed hyper-productive 5 hour work binge and then start associating drawing with overexerting myself and then find it difficult to start next time.
Action Intentions just don't work for me. It's pointless for me to say "I am going to do <Thing> at <Time>" because it doesn't factor in my context whatsoever. I am I tired at the time? I am in a good or bad mood? Am I horny for the kink? Failing to account for these things results in either me trying to hopelessly square a circle with myself, or worse, overexerting myself with a crazed work binge because when my motivation starts flowing I wouldn't want it to stop. Which is also Bad because it's the very root cause of my sleep deprivation. I start a videogame, set a lofty limit such as completing some super hard achievement, and then it's 04:00AM and I'm still at it trying to get this damn achievement. Or, I start drawing and because I'd be so in the zone, it'd be 03:00 and I'm still going.
So this is how I'm going to solve this using State-Aware Time Blocks, by not only defining explicit starting and stopping points, but also factoring in how I would be feeling at the time and giving myself alternatives that are still productive for that time block, whether it be Work, Fun, Social, Maintenence or Sleep.
It's kind of a vicious cycle that I'm stuck in because it starts with bad decisions and then it becomes self-perpetuating
Because now I'm at a state where I physically can't sleep for longer than 2-3 hours and that's still not enough sleep and not at the right time
So I've still been jetlagged 24/7 and it's been getting in the way of me functioning and doing anything other than the most stimulating possible stuff
I'm not Entirely sure what to do about this, if anyone has advice on how I can climb out of this sleep deprivation hole I have Some left in me to try pretty much anything. But I do have Something I'm doing that I'll share later on in this journal.
My mood has been quite Good on the whole but the erratic sleeping times has ensured that my Circadian Rhythm is in constant shock and that my ability to do things that require me to be fresh (draw things without intrinsic motivation) so this is Quite a huge problem
On the bright side, I've landed a new job so I'll be starting in about a month's time so just as planned, I've spent a few months away from the woes of work and now I'm going to be in a job that isn't going to squeeze the lifeforce out of me. To be specific, more than that: I've gained the emotional superpower to look for another job if the honeymoon period passes and the job reveals its completely unacceptable levels of stress and work/life balance boundary crossing like putting enormous work squarely on the shoulders of one person and expecting them to complete a deadline that is not doable and then guilt tripping the shit out of me and then making the stress unmanageable through a dishonest performance improvement plan. A few days every few months is okay but constantly is not. Plus, fuck the 9 hour workday. 7 hours a day 5 days a week with regular working hours including transit is what I see as humane conditions and my last job taught me that I'm super done with bending backwards because I technically am qualified for these senior level hair-whitening developer jobs and Can make one of the best salaries I can in my country. I don't want the money, I want the quality of life.
So yes, this new job can end up being a dud and I may have to move again but at least I've gained the ability to Just Fucking Leave and not hesitate in searching for another job if the honeymoon period passes and the true company culture turns out to be a bad deal. Just like candidates kindda stretch how they describe their skills (because they kindda have to), employers do the same and will tell you about how everyone is chill but you find out that they are in fact, not chill. That was my experience with the previous, they had me with their sales pitch and I specifically asked questions to suss out the company culture but didn't know that I should check how well a company is doing. If a company's stocks are plummetting, Do Not Go There unless you are 100% prepared for that job to be temporary as hell.
I want a job that I can just show up to, be useful, and still have soul left in me when I go home so I can draw my furry porn.
Taking a 5 month career break has kindda highlighted my flaw with my ability to sleep consistently, so I want to solve this chronic problem.
I want to stress how categorically Sick I am with my chronic, self-inflicted sleep deprivation. That is not the Fault of any job, but the effects are amplified exponentially by a shitty job.
I'm extremely triggered right now as I write this but I need to get this out Somewhere and also as a way to document this for myself later on.
I'm extremely resistant to stress and the only kind of stress that breaks my composure is either feeling like I'm going to deal with a chronic problem for the rest of my life, or feeling like I have no safety and that I can lose my financial security at any moment. I'm not moved by people yelling at me or the constant shit hitting the fan or the guilt and bad personalities I rarely meet in the workplace. And I'm especially resistant to the brand of stress that's about complex multifaceted problems. But as long I am cock sure that pouring effort is going to amount to something and that I am reassured that I am secure and don't have to worry about losing my job, then production level problems or deadlines do not phase me. It's only the fear of ending up with no money that causes stress that I can't deal with.
So, final words, I've resolved to start being more aggressive with tackling my sleep and using more extreme measures. Whatever I've been doing, ain't working so I'm going to do what I do best and turn things on its head until I find a solution, just like how I was morbidly obese for several years until I got it into my head that I want a fucking gastric bypass and it worked and made that problem go away forever. Life has shown me time and time again that when I hit a wall like this, something has to fucking give, and I'm going to have to take calculated risks.
Leaving my job without another one lined up has given me the wiggle room I needed to soul search and change track in my career. I sent 37 applications, went to a total of 6 interviews and 1 of them succeeded and is one of the Best possible working conditions I can find for a serviceable amount of money. So what I know for sure is that these triggered moments have their actual use: they put me in a state where I start to seriously consider changing up my strategy. Then, I spend a few days reflecting on it seriously when I'm in a normal mood and then I act on it. I will do the same thing with sleep because I am Multiple levels of sick of my addictive work/play style getting in the way of me feeling fresh and functioning normally. When I'm fresh I KNOW I can get all the things I want to do done, I know how it feels like.
That's all! I've written this journal mostly for myself, but it may also give those who are curious some background information on what's going on behind the scenes that would explain exactly why I'm not too consistent with my presence online X3; But I've gotten it into my head two months ago that I want to fucking fix this problem, ASAP and I'm still working on it, and today marks the day where over the next few days, I'm going to experiment with fundamentally shaking up the way I approach planning. Specifically, by throwing away Action Intentions and replacing them with something different that I'm toying with now, which I've internally labeled as "State-Aware Time Blocks". So instead of putting a specific task at a specific time slot like I normally do, I'm going to assign blocks of time dedicated to Work, Fun, Art and Maintenance that actually takes into account how I would be feeling at the time - rather than set my mind on "I will do <Task> at <Time>". Because what's happening is that when I DO do them, whether it's a video game or art or hanging out, what happens is that I get carried the hell away. So instead, what I'll be trying out is that, at any point in time, I'm going to assign myself a "Time Block" which have their if-then rules that I am Actually Okay with following. No more trying to iron myself into a work state and then occasionally exploding into some crazed 4-6 hour work binge. Instead, I've been compiling a list of explicitly defined "hooks" for starting and stopping.
If I am drawing and I am feeling bored, then I Stop and take a break and try see if I can get myself inspired again. Because, if I continue rigidly forcing myself to draw when I'm bored, what will happen is that I will kill my art motivation and associate drawing with being bored. On the flipside, if I am drawing and I am feeling Thirsty but feel worried that if I stop drawing that I'll never get anything done, I explicitly define that I will stop to go take a drink, and then continue drawing. Because, if I don't drink and don't stop I will end up in a crazed hyper-productive 5 hour work binge and then start associating drawing with overexerting myself and then find it difficult to start next time.
Action Intentions just don't work for me. It's pointless for me to say "I am going to do <Thing> at <Time>" because it doesn't factor in my context whatsoever. I am I tired at the time? I am in a good or bad mood? Am I horny for the kink? Failing to account for these things results in either me trying to hopelessly square a circle with myself, or worse, overexerting myself with a crazed work binge because when my motivation starts flowing I wouldn't want it to stop. Which is also Bad because it's the very root cause of my sleep deprivation. I start a videogame, set a lofty limit such as completing some super hard achievement, and then it's 04:00AM and I'm still at it trying to get this damn achievement. Or, I start drawing and because I'd be so in the zone, it'd be 03:00 and I'm still going.
So this is how I'm going to solve this using State-Aware Time Blocks, by not only defining explicit starting and stopping points, but also factoring in how I would be feeling at the time and giving myself alternatives that are still productive for that time block, whether it be Work, Fun, Social, Maintenence or Sleep.
im sleepy and kinky
General | Posted 2 years agoalso I have a new kink for lips
my measuring stick for what is a kink and what is a fetish I am experimenting with/kindda like is whether I can like
finish to it
@w@
i like big soft plump lips
my measuring stick for what is a kink and what is a fetish I am experimenting with/kindda like is whether I can like
finish to it
@w@
i like big soft plump lips
I may get back into work soonish!
General | Posted 2 years agoI may soon be getting back into having workies again! >w<
I'm pretty much lookin for a local IT related job that's kindda more on the more slow paced side. I have high hopes that this'll be another step up. I have a few interviews lined up and maybe one of them will work out.
In the mean time I'm thankful to the people who have commissioned yummy art (and for your patience in waiting!). I'm financially in a fairly stable spot but knowing that there's a number of friends who like my silly furry stuff enough to almost entirely break even is a special feeling of love. So thank you. X3
I've been quietly progressing on the commission pieces over the weeks, doing a little bit once every few days. I'll be trying to post more of my stuff as well because I feel ready to get back into the groove, I have a backlog of goodies I haven't posted yet that some people may have seen WIPs or sneak peeks of but haven't been posted to my house and home over here. I can't be greedy and keep all this furry fetish art to myself X3
Love you all! 💙
And based on a conversation I've had with a close friend, remember to keep getting back up when life gets you down. Life sucks and wounds us. We gotta keep fighting the good fight by standing up against it. A balanced sense of optimism is your sword and a resilience mindset is your shield. X3
Cynicism is gonna try get us paralyzed and unable to act with facts that are True but Not Helpful, something very important I learnt from another friend. Keep on going!
I'm pretty much lookin for a local IT related job that's kindda more on the more slow paced side. I have high hopes that this'll be another step up. I have a few interviews lined up and maybe one of them will work out.
In the mean time I'm thankful to the people who have commissioned yummy art (and for your patience in waiting!). I'm financially in a fairly stable spot but knowing that there's a number of friends who like my silly furry stuff enough to almost entirely break even is a special feeling of love. So thank you. X3
I've been quietly progressing on the commission pieces over the weeks, doing a little bit once every few days. I'll be trying to post more of my stuff as well because I feel ready to get back into the groove, I have a backlog of goodies I haven't posted yet that some people may have seen WIPs or sneak peeks of but haven't been posted to my house and home over here. I can't be greedy and keep all this furry fetish art to myself X3
Love you all! 💙
And based on a conversation I've had with a close friend, remember to keep getting back up when life gets you down. Life sucks and wounds us. We gotta keep fighting the good fight by standing up against it. A balanced sense of optimism is your sword and a resilience mindset is your shield. X3
Cynicism is gonna try get us paralyzed and unable to act with facts that are True but Not Helpful, something very important I learnt from another friend. Keep on going!
FFH Secret Santa 2023!
General | Posted 2 years agoIn case anyone has missed it, I've started the Secret Santa event in the Freaks For Harmony Discord server for our group of furry friends >w<
From the OGs who started the group together waaaay back when
Crescent-Blue-Zero and I used to stream on PIcarto to all the fun people who regularly hang out these days, its our silly lil gifting event where we'll do a reveal on the 25th of the secret santa gifts >w<
Happy festive season!!!
Remember, you're only allowed to Christmas past the 1st of December! XD
From the OGs who started the group together waaaay back when
Crescent-Blue-Zero and I used to stream on PIcarto to all the fun people who regularly hang out these days, its our silly lil gifting event where we'll do a reveal on the 25th of the secret santa gifts >w<Happy festive season!!!
Remember, you're only allowed to Christmas past the 1st of December! XD
💙 2023 November Hasky News 💙
General | Posted 2 years agoWhere I've been focusing on
I've been focusing on VRChat and Coding lately, which has meant a slow down in my FurAffinity posting schedule and I forgor to write about it haha >w<;
My biggest weakness and strength is that when I'm interested in something, I can spend long hours in pure focus mode which over the years has made me achieve a basic competence in a number of things that matter a lot to me:
- Coding
- Drawing
- 3D Modeling
Where have I been / Thoughts about it
Lately I've been bouncing between frequenting three Discord servers with the regulars, good ol' FFH, SZ and TSB. And also just bouncing in general xD
My favorite way of hanging out is by far voice chat especially when there's some sort of event. Feels warm when you're with people who give a damn about each other. I like listening to people talk more than talking myself ^///^
Every day I respond to as many DMs as I can because I love DMs, but it's hard because I get a lot of DMs and sometimes I don't know what to say especially when it's a Hi or a nuzzle which is nice except when idk what to say @w@
There's also some DMs that are of high interest where ironically I also take long to answer those sometimes because I feel like I want to give their thing Proper Attention rather than leave people with a half-baked "nice lol". But that also means that I'm hard to reach and it makes me sad. Because I remember when I was 15 and lonely as hell and the nice internet people picked me up and turned me into a friend almost immediately, so it feels ironic that the same thing people did to me IRL (being emotionally unavailable / exclusive), I'm doing to other people out of pure time constraint. Not to mention that the same people may see me active elsewhere and probably wonder what's going on because idk how to explain all this to every single person ever x.x
Pop & Flora & Next Week
Still writing my cute lil Pop and Flora story based on lucid dreaming sessions I've had with ticklePOP so that's something I'm lookin forward to sharing when I'm done writing about their clingy little love story <3
I feel like my 3D Phase is starting to wane and so probably on Monday I'm going to be returning to more art, which reminds me I want to upload one of the finished commissions of a four-headed goodie, and later post a journal to start a new wave of commissions. Hasky art that pushes our buttons, munny for hasky to pay for maintenance and the occasional nice treat like Lethal Company 💙
I've been focusing on VRChat and Coding lately, which has meant a slow down in my FurAffinity posting schedule and I forgor to write about it haha >w<;
My biggest weakness and strength is that when I'm interested in something, I can spend long hours in pure focus mode which over the years has made me achieve a basic competence in a number of things that matter a lot to me:
- Coding
- Drawing
- 3D Modeling
Where have I been / Thoughts about it
Lately I've been bouncing between frequenting three Discord servers with the regulars, good ol' FFH, SZ and TSB. And also just bouncing in general xD
My favorite way of hanging out is by far voice chat especially when there's some sort of event. Feels warm when you're with people who give a damn about each other. I like listening to people talk more than talking myself ^///^
Every day I respond to as many DMs as I can because I love DMs, but it's hard because I get a lot of DMs and sometimes I don't know what to say especially when it's a Hi or a nuzzle which is nice except when idk what to say @w@
There's also some DMs that are of high interest where ironically I also take long to answer those sometimes because I feel like I want to give their thing Proper Attention rather than leave people with a half-baked "nice lol". But that also means that I'm hard to reach and it makes me sad. Because I remember when I was 15 and lonely as hell and the nice internet people picked me up and turned me into a friend almost immediately, so it feels ironic that the same thing people did to me IRL (being emotionally unavailable / exclusive), I'm doing to other people out of pure time constraint. Not to mention that the same people may see me active elsewhere and probably wonder what's going on because idk how to explain all this to every single person ever x.x
Pop & Flora & Next Week
Still writing my cute lil Pop and Flora story based on lucid dreaming sessions I've had with ticklePOP so that's something I'm lookin forward to sharing when I'm done writing about their clingy little love story <3
I feel like my 3D Phase is starting to wane and so probably on Monday I'm going to be returning to more art, which reminds me I want to upload one of the finished commissions of a four-headed goodie, and later post a journal to start a new wave of commissions. Hasky art that pushes our buttons, munny for hasky to pay for maintenance and the occasional nice treat like Lethal Company 💙
Thank you for supporting me >w<
General | Posted 2 years agoI'm pleasantly surprised to see a number of people showing their support!
It helps me knowing that there's you all out there sharing my goofy heckin kinks and the love you have for all sorts of fluffy goodness x3
It's what brings the furry magic to life, talking to people who are into and draw similar goofy-ahh cartoon funny animals and big sexy beasts!
pilot129 will tell you: "This is how Dummy Thicc Emotional Support is done!"
It helps me knowing that there's you all out there sharing my goofy heckin kinks and the love you have for all sorts of fluffy goodness x3
It's what brings the furry magic to life, talking to people who are into and draw similar goofy-ahh cartoon funny animals and big sexy beasts!
pilot129 will tell you: "This is how Dummy Thicc Emotional Support is done!"buy me a hamburger, receive hasky furry art
General | Posted 2 years agoThat's right! Send me ideas. I'll draw em. owo
I have a brand new Busty Husky Commission Process that turns the entire commission process on its head.
It plays to my best doggy strengths ^///^
I will soon-ish be posting a commission guide..
But for those of you who are curious or wanna know now, keep reading!
Let's start with prices: What prices?? You pay what you want this for my funny furry art >w< Plus some people don't have much to work with and I want to be considerate of that!
Here's how we'll have our fun together 💙
- Send me an idea we're both horny for (note me on FA / DM me on Discord)
- We'll gush about your idea together >w<
- A note for the chronic worriers: ^///^ Don't feel pressured into coming up with some perfect idea. Don't even worry about whether I'll like something or not. We'll tweak and steer and imagine and think of things we both enjoy ;3 I will not say yes to things that I don't really want to do. If I say yes to your idea, you can be rest assured that it's something that I enjoy!
- I give you a Next Expected Update and you've given me the Go-Ahead!
- You get added to the publicly visible commission queue
- Then it's official!! >w< That means from this point on, you will always have a date for a Next Expected Update
- I send you the first sketch. Eeee!!
- Show me your reaction and especially if you like what you see so far~ What would you like to see in the colored version? Or would you like me to move on to another sketch? Want the boobs even bigger? Gush more about how cute they are? A detail that's important to you so I can add it? Basically, anything~
- At any point from the start of Step 3 onwards, you can send whatever amount of monies and it'll will go through my Yummy Hamburger Fund and straight to my hips >w<
https://paypal.me/LukaLoginskaHusky
- When I finish the prompt / I get bored of it / You'd rather I work on a new drawing..
- I ask u for Moar Ideas!!
- Remember, you don't pay a fixed amount per commission - you pay what you think is fair, based on how happy you are >w<
- In some rare cases I may ask you for a certain amount before continuing - but don't take that as having done anything wrong! 💙
I have lotsa free time and soul for art these days, and it's staying this way for Quite a while~
Furry fetish art endlessly amuses me so I'd love to see with all the zany stuff y'all are gonna come up with!
if you have any questions just ask, you will not be bothering me^^
So have fun!! It's what we're here for 🎈
I have a brand new Busty Husky Commission Process that turns the entire commission process on its head.
It plays to my best doggy strengths ^///^
I will soon-ish be posting a commission guide..
But for those of you who are curious or wanna know now, keep reading!
Let's start with prices: What prices?? You pay what you want this for my funny furry art >w< Plus some people don't have much to work with and I want to be considerate of that!
Here's how we'll have our fun together 💙
Step 1: Gushing about your idea
- Send me an idea we're both horny for (note me on FA / DM me on Discord)
- We'll gush about your idea together >w<
- A note for the chronic worriers: ^///^ Don't feel pressured into coming up with some perfect idea. Don't even worry about whether I'll like something or not. We'll tweak and steer and imagine and think of things we both enjoy ;3 I will not say yes to things that I don't really want to do. If I say yes to your idea, you can be rest assured that it's something that I enjoy!
Step 2: Omg it's Official
- I give you a Next Expected Update and you've given me the Go-Ahead!
- You get added to the publicly visible commission queue
- Then it's official!! >w< That means from this point on, you will always have a date for a Next Expected Update
Step 3: Progress, Support Me, Refine
- I send you the first sketch. Eeee!!
- Show me your reaction and especially if you like what you see so far~ What would you like to see in the colored version? Or would you like me to move on to another sketch? Want the boobs even bigger? Gush more about how cute they are? A detail that's important to you so I can add it? Basically, anything~
- At any point from the start of Step 3 onwards, you can send whatever amount of monies and it'll will go through my Yummy Hamburger Fund and straight to my hips >w<
https://paypal.me/LukaLoginskaHusky
Step 4: Wrap Up & Next Up!
- When I finish the prompt / I get bored of it / You'd rather I work on a new drawing..
- I ask u for Moar Ideas!!
- Remember, you don't pay a fixed amount per commission - you pay what you think is fair, based on how happy you are >w<
- In some rare cases I may ask you for a certain amount before continuing - but don't take that as having done anything wrong! 💙
I have lotsa free time and soul for art these days, and it's staying this way for Quite a while~
Furry fetish art endlessly amuses me so I'd love to see with all the zany stuff y'all are gonna come up with!
if you have any questions just ask, you will not be bothering me^^
So have fun!! It's what we're here for 🎈
Protip on browsing Hasky Gallery
General | Posted 2 years ago(Link to FA Global Settings Page to select General / Mature / Adult)
Any drawing I make that has sex or dicks is marked as Adult content instead of Mature Content >w<
Any drawing I make that has sex or dicks is marked as Adult content instead of Mature Content >w<
