Spring has come. My CPU's gotten worse to the point where I can't even keep a reference open, to help me continue my drawings.

What's more, is that I still don't have enough chore money to replace the necessary components that have left my PC mostly useless. Now I'm stuck using a phone, that occasionally struggles to maintain its internet connection, as I try to make this journal.

Hopefully by the end of September, I might have enough money to fix my PC. All I can do now is kill as much time as possible, until further notice.

Yep, just as I thought. I continue to procrastinate any drawings I plan to do, due to boredom. So far I've been spending more time playing games, just to try and get the mood back. But no; I'm still wasting every opportunity to get back into drawing. And it's not even the PvP stuff that's eating up the time.

Also, I've been struggling to get my daily schedule working; since I've been sleeping a lot lately. And also due to many of my favorite streamers streaming for either more than 6 hours, or they stream in the middle of the night, on my clock. Not to mention the many I already followed, all streaming at once. And I can't even decide who to watch.

Right now, it's getting cold lately. Around here it's more Hurricane Season, than the type of Winter you get anywhere else. Expecting some heavy rains, hailstorms, and possible flash floods coming in soon. Not much to do but bundle up and hope the weather doesn't slow me down. As I have already squandered an entire Autumn/Fall season. It feel like my most unproductive I've been before.

It's still hot here. Even though the heat should be dying down a bit, I'm still overwhelmed by the harsh weather, and it's put a huge strain on my efforts to do anything. I've already forgotten when was the last time I've picked up the pencil and paper. At this point I don't think it's the heat that's demotivating me, it's just me.

I've been looking for every excuse to just sleep off my troubles, and this feeling has been getting worse everyday. Even now I can't seem to find anything to entertain myself. My body is in constant discomfort, and the fatigue just comes out of nowhere, the moment I was feeling confident to do something.

While I feel like Summer has ruined my free time, I'm just going to end up squandering the time I could use during Autumn, regardless if the weather becomes suitable for the occasion. This year might actually be a lot shorter than expected. However, I still don't see any improvements. Still feels like it's getting worse as we progress further into the year.

Decided to post this journal late; since I wanted some solitude to myself for the whole day.

Not going to add much about this end of the year, but I once was told "If I think this year was bad, the years to follow will be much worse." So far it's been that way for the past 2 years. Been putting off on a lot, and did a lot of nothing "Year of the Dragon" related. A lot has happened this year, and it made me angry about it every day.

For once, loadshedding stopped being a problem. But our crime rate is another major problem. TBH, I don't even remember when last a crime happened around my neighborhood, and yet it still feels as safe as it is, like it usually was. I feel like I've slept more than usual, and I can't tell if it's from fatigue, or I got too use to relaxing that all I ever do is sleep.

Gonna cut the journal short. Brain empty right now, and need to relax again. Not gonna post anymore until Autumn, or something. I'm just really tired right now.

Oh BTW; I forgot to tell everyone...
https://bsky.app/profile/misterhaxwell.bsky.social

Winter's over, but out of nowhere, I feel congested on the last day. And I was doing perfectly fine for the majority of Winter too.

Anyways, not much has changed for the better. I've been taking my time trying to get back to doing art again, yet I always find something to distract me away from it. I've also got a phone that I can use. Although I'm still having trouble trying to verify my phone number, on several accounts.

Hoping everything sails smoothly from here on.

Right now, load shedding kinda stopped. However, looking at the elections' votes tell me the corrupt parties are still going to maintain control. Pretty much meaning we're going to have to deal with the same problems for another year. You'd think my country has learnt by now what's been the problem by now, but they continue to be fooled by the same people in charge.

Not much has happened last season. Still trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, and how to fix my schedule. Still haven't found a job yet, and still living off chore money. This year's looking very grim, and I wish I wasn't alive to witness it all.

I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that the scanners not working, now that it's been separated from my PC, and it's not working for any of my other family members' modern machines. The good news is that I'm in a better and proper room for me to work in peace, now that my 2nd older sister's moved out after getting married. However, her cat's still with us, for the time being, until she decides to take her with.

My room could still use some work on the rearrangements, but I'm finally free from hearing my eldest sister's constant bickering with her child, every day outside my previous room. As for work, now that I'm trying to find a job, has not been looking good, due to my country's constant fall in their economy right now. Until something's available soon, I'm stuck living off of chore money.

Also load shedding is still being an asshole to my everyday activities. And still has not been improving the current state that my country's infrastructure has been in lately.

Not gonna post much here. Load shedding's still a problem. Schedule's still impossible to keep up with. And the heat right now is not helping in remedying the situation. Will try to finish any Year of the Rabbit artwork, before New Years; if I have the strength for it.

Not much to add here. Still miserable; load shedding is still a dick to my activities; and my body age is beginning to show. Devil's Night is coming soon, and I'm not even excited about it.

Been toying around with an AI art generator lately, to see how it draws my existing works; however, I don't plan on uploading AI art, but I will be showcasing them for my friends eyes only. Year's going by fast, And I barely saved up money to do better things with my life. Still stuck using Windows 7, with no plans on upgrading soon.

Not sure what plans I'll have for the upcoming Summer, but for now I'm just gonna take things slowly. I've deprived myself of sleep too many times to make an improvement with my life style.

Winter came a lot sooner, and with the corruption of our electricity company constantly screwing me over my free time, I'm back to square one; still trying to figure out how to manage my schedule. Depriving myself of sleep hasn't been doing wonders for me lately, and has only made me more tired than usual. Tiredness I wish I didn't had during the amount of time before the power cuts again.

To be honest, I'm not feeling any happier with where things are going these days. Even my dreams are trying to remind of how much I hate my family, or try to predict something bad is going to happen; and it only gets more depressing from there. A person wants to sleep, but then you're filled with dread that you might have the same dreams, trying to remind you, that there's no hope for you. And when you realize it's an actual dream, you try your utmost darndest to never wake up; because who the hell wants to live on this miserable planet in this modern age anymore; definitely not me.

More problems to come, and I'm always anticipating another worse scenario about unfold soon. I'm already prepared to accept that some of my bad dreams, may become reality. Pessimism is too strong and I feel like I was right to not believe that there is still hope left.

Finally an end to a horrible month, if I was a VTuber right now. Other than those, the days have gotten a lot shorter. It feels like only less than 12 hours long, because of Load Shedding.

Schedule hasn't been improving; tried staying up all night to get things done, and immediately regret it later. Multi-tasking has never been this frustrating to do, and always burns out when the mood starts setting in. Even now I'm struggling to right up a brief journal of what's happening, and I can't help but wanna stop writing another.

I just wish everything goes well after a horrible start to a new year; which I will always predict will be worst than the previous. And as my pessimism grows, I can clearly say 2024 will be even worse.

Final month of 2022, and here I am; miserable and still struggling to make ends meet. Plans are going up in smoke and I'm feeling more demotivated.

It's been a difficult year, and yet I feel like I could of done so much more. With load shedding, further worsening my schedule, I can't help but ask myself; when will it all end? Furthermore, I've become more tired than usual lately. I'll have to assume, my sleepy deprivation has gotten worse than it was before; and even if I'm trying to rest more often, my body still shuts down from the slightest amount of over exertion.

When I try to make time to play a brand new game, or go back to one I enjoy; I'll have to say they I've wasted to much of my life on free-to-play battle pass completions, only for my efforts to feel bittersweet. IDK; I think I just miss playing a game to relax to, than being casually competitive in PVP. I just don't feel like I'm ready for these types of games at my current age.

At this point; I'll just have let things play through, and worse comes to worse, then so be it.

Another year I grow older. And the underwhelming part is that there's no load shedding to ruin my night; as if I wanted it to.

Right now, I'm pass my mid-30s of age, and could use an update to my sona OC. Been working on it, but didn't expect it to be this late. I had 6 others (One I already made, but will be redesigning that character to match the theme) in the works, but they too will have to wait.

Don't have much else to add, since I'm kind of at a loss for what I want prepare, for the next Devil's Night. I just wish I had more time to do anything with my free time.

So it eventually comes to this, where I've given myself too much, with little to no opportunities to work with. Now that COVID (or any other Winter sickness) is no longer at it's strongest, for the time being; I may need to change things up a bit.

Also this year's gotten a lot rough than I expected, I feel like every VTuber I grow attached to, at a very late stage, starts graduating shortly after. Right now, only one of them came back, looking brand new, and in good hands, this time; because their retrenchment was undeserved.

As for art, everything's become stagnant with the ludicrous amount of time I spend watching YouTube and Twitch. And when I have to check up on submission notifs, it even more time, that I can't even make time to just continue where I left off. Also I've barely played any actual games for more than an hour (or even 20 minutes for that matter), and still cannot find time to do art.

Maybe it's time I stop subscribing/following new content creators; I've already have too many to keep up with, that the playlists I created to watch later, become endless.

Almost forgot to leave a journal, as I've come down with a cold and was trying to retire for the day.

As of now Fall/Autumn, did not go as planned as I haven't finished the concepts of OCs I had planned, plus the redesign of my persona. Half of my schedule's time has been spent checking for any news on Youtube, or trying to keep up with the many YouTubers/VTubers I've followed/subscribed. Some of that time spent on video games, that I barely play for fun anymore, and only to keep myself updated on free collectables.

As much as I repeat this ever so often; my schedule hasn't been fixed yet, and barely have time to continue with my drawings.

Pretty much will be taking things slowly from here onwards, until I feel comfortable to touch my pencil and paper. Might drop in some scraps, just to keep my galleries updated.

Funny how I predicted this year not being a blessing, as it has already started off negatively. A war has broken out; retrenchment from a Vtuber agency that shouldn't have happened, not to mention some of them being hit with COVID too. And now I'm having mixed feelings for one of them; I can't tell whether to love her, or be afraid of her. And because I have a habit of doing too much research, YouTube has been recommending me more dark web videos that I didn't ask for, now that I kinda added a very dark group of VTubers to my watch; I can't confirm if they're all part of that same circle, but I can confirm one of them is.

In other news, my sleep schedule hasn't improved, and it seems like my body is incapable of processing caffeine; doesn't matter how much coffee, tea, energy drinks and tonics (the latter one which I will not be going back to) I take, fatigue still finds a way to shut me down. Now that the heat has died down, I should feel a bit more comfortable sketching again. However, as much as I have some unfinished illustrations done, I feel like starting over. One being my sona and name for that particular character. Will also be focusing on concepts of several other characters that I have plans for. As of now, I'll be doing less anthro, and more of the non-human stuff after these. Now that ASMR (all of them coming from VTubers) is my only saving grace on fixing my sleep schedule, I still plan on paying my respects to Uruha Rushia, before all of her ASMR VODs get deleted; by listening to all of them one last time, on the last week of this month. Even now, I've never been this concerned over a talent's well being. I'm just hoping she's doing okay, and she'll find success elsewhere. Also, I hope everyone's Spring is going well for them too.

To end things off. I'm gonna predict 2023 will be even worse in the hopes that I'm wrong, when it happens.

Right now, I've forgotten when I got my 2nd shot; the side effects haven't been getting worse lately, and I seem to be fine regardless.

But now, I'm struggling to just get a decent amount of sleep, because my family are inconsiderate. At this point I might as well make myself insomniac, as I feel much worse everyday trying to cope. Also with my best pairs of headphones broken, I can't even listen to ASMR in peace, with the crap ones I'm stuck with. And I'm also out of cash to buy both a pair of new ones, and afford an XBL Gold extension; so I'm saving up for the latter, in hopes that there is a discount.

With all the problems I'm having now, I've barely touched my art, and have been leaving them all as flat colored concepts. I had plans for Thanksgiving, but that'll have to wait. Whatever I have planned for December might never be scheduled on time, due to how unorganized my schedule has become.

Right now, the heat isn't helping with my situation, as I'm trying my best not to burn my savings on snacks, that would worsen my schedule even further.

Almost forgot my own birthday was up. Got so caught up in watching some of the HoloLive EN's Halloween VODs that I nearly forgot to check the date.

As for a minor health update; 2nd shot's side effects have been very meh, and I seem to be fine, nonetheless.

Anyway; happy Devil's Night, and try not to waste those toilet rolls on your neighbors. Your noses are gonna need them more than their houses.

Just letting everyone know; the 2nd shot is done.

Gonna try and take things slowly from here. Don't want to risk burning myself out, incase the symptoms are anything worse than the 1st shot.

So I am on the path of surviving this pandemic, with my first shot acquired. And now that Winter's being snuffed out, I can rest easy, a little.

However, my sleeping schedule has gotten worse, the past few weeks; and it's not because of the vaccine's side effects. Not only is my niece this troublesome to deal with, but her father's also being a problem. The guy picks some of the worst time, in the middle of the night, to decide he wants to watch a movie, or a game of soccer (football), in the front living room.

I've also been having trouble finding free time to draw. Seeing as I either spend too much time watching Vtubers, especially my favorites on Twitch. Add that with the time I spend treasure pack collecting, on Apex Legends; plus the time I use to either watch the Overwatch League, or to play for endorsement maintenance; and you got little to no time to even sketch anything.

Right now, I just realized I had plans on drawing 5 maids, that maybe heavily referenced off Tokyo Mew Mew, after my brother started cleaning up all the junk I left behind in my former bedroom, we shared. Should the opportunity strikes, I will try an attempt to sketch their concepts.

Also I've been streaming some games off Discord, mostly having rogue-like gameplay, just as practice for any possible future plans.

Just to let everyone know that I got my first vaccine shot, today; in case the side effects become a problem later on.

First of all; vaccine still hasn't arrived, and it already feels like my condition might be getting worse.

Schedule hasn't gotten better since last time I posted a journal. My motivation to even draw begins to dwindle as my body seems to prefer I sleep more. It's also becoming a lot difficult to keep up with YouTube, as I've already subscribed to too many channels; most of them being HoloLive, and yet I'm still struggling to keep up with most of them.

Right now my condition isn't serious enough to be a problem. So I'll keep updating every season.

First of all; I'm still alive. Second; vaccine still hasn't arrived yet. Third; going to post only one new journal every season.

Right now, I've never been this tired before. Twitch is still ignoring my appeals to have my suspension lifted, and I don't think they're even going to be bothered, even if I try to make threats at them at this point. I still haven't figured out how to make good use of my free time, seeing as the weather seems perfect to sit down and draw something.

So far, my mood hasn't improved, last month. I'm feeling more depressed than usual.

Apparently Twitch has indefinitely suspended me, because the middle word in my name suddenly equals to the N word. Since I just read I can't rename my user name, due to the rename option not being implemented yet, I'm stuck with an inappropriate user name here. Because 2021 suddenly said so.

My account here has been here for 7 years, and I only find out this one word is suddenly bad.

Just reminder to you all, that I am still COVID-19 positive. There is still no vaccine in sight.

Secondly my condition hasn't gotten worse, at an alarming rate. But the symptoms are still there to remind me that I am sick.

As of now I haven't touched my art; since I'm not sure if I'll be alive to finish any new works, if the vaccine doesn't arrive in time. Right now I'm going through some old scanned sketches I never bothered to finish. I might as well see what I can finish since I'm still not optimistic about the future right now.