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not going anywhere
Posted a month agoFirst of all, I just want to give a big thank you to those who reached out to me. Be it to offer advice or sympathy for my situation, it's all greatly, greatly appreciated... I don't think it's possible for me to express that adequately haha, all of y'all's support for me over the years has kept me going, and yesterday made me realize that that's what really matters in the end.
This whole thing kicked off for me after I posted a new pic on twitter and bluesky (it's on e621 too, and I will post it here as well soon, along with some other works I've completed since the last time I uploaded here), it was a follow-up to what's by far my most-liked pic on both sites, and it got a mere fraction of the engagement that that last pic did... And it was incredibly disheartening to me because I worked so hard on it, and it got my head spiraling, convincing myself that I was the problem somehow... I'm not perfect by any means, I do still think I have a lot of room for improvement, but yesterday made me realize that people do still like what I put out. And I'll be damned if I let some shitty social media algorithm stops me from creating.
I haven't been magically cured overnight or anything, I still have struggles, and it's gonna take me a lot of time to navigate them, but I am not going anywhere, I'm not quitting. I'll keep making new stuff, I'll keep accepting commissions (as long as I'm not swamped by them already... which does happen a lot <w>; ), and I will keep learning along the way
And I'll be very happy if you keep enjoying my works. Some things I draw might not be for everybody, but that's just how it is, and I shouldn't limit myself because of that.
Opening up isn't easy for me... It's hard to really articulate my thoughts, and I just get shy about that in general... So it really means a lot even if you just quietly read through it, and know what I've been struggling with.
Once again I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I will continue doing my best, with my art, and for the people in my life
I love you guys
see you next post
-benjipaws
This whole thing kicked off for me after I posted a new pic on twitter and bluesky (it's on e621 too, and I will post it here as well soon, along with some other works I've completed since the last time I uploaded here), it was a follow-up to what's by far my most-liked pic on both sites, and it got a mere fraction of the engagement that that last pic did... And it was incredibly disheartening to me because I worked so hard on it, and it got my head spiraling, convincing myself that I was the problem somehow... I'm not perfect by any means, I do still think I have a lot of room for improvement, but yesterday made me realize that people do still like what I put out. And I'll be damned if I let some shitty social media algorithm stops me from creating.
I haven't been magically cured overnight or anything, I still have struggles, and it's gonna take me a lot of time to navigate them, but I am not going anywhere, I'm not quitting. I'll keep making new stuff, I'll keep accepting commissions (as long as I'm not swamped by them already... which does happen a lot <w>; ), and I will keep learning along the way
And I'll be very happy if you keep enjoying my works. Some things I draw might not be for everybody, but that's just how it is, and I shouldn't limit myself because of that.
Opening up isn't easy for me... It's hard to really articulate my thoughts, and I just get shy about that in general... So it really means a lot even if you just quietly read through it, and know what I've been struggling with.
Once again I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I will continue doing my best, with my art, and for the people in my life
I love you guys
see you next post
-benjipaws
tl;dr, idk how long i wanna keep doing this
Posted a month agoheya
I'm putting this out here because I just have too much on my mind to put in a twitter thread or anything like that. I've kept this bottled up for a long time now and I just need to get some things off my chest
I've been doing this art thing since my early teenage years, and back then, I had aspired for this to be the thing i do with my life. And as I became of age, I leaned heavily into the porn side of things. And I do not regret that, not one bit. I love furry porn, I love foot fetish stuff, I love all that shit, and I'm so fucking happy a good bit of y'all like what I've put out.
But I feel my passion for this craft waning. not for the *type* of art that I draw, but for art in general. Drawing has been incredibly fucking hard for me lately, and I'm gonna try to sort out why here in a way that hopefully isn't too hard to follow;
.
.
.
stagnation:
I feel I've hit a slump as far as evolving my technique goes. I don't feel I've learned much new lately, and I really want to make changes, particularly to my rendering technique. But no matter how much I study, I just can't figure out how to pull certain things off, and I have no idea where to look for advice... And on top of that, it's hard to put a finger on *what* I even want to learn. I know I really want to learn more lighting environments, mood lighting, dark atmospheres, proper sunlight, all that stuff. And cum to, oh my god I fucking suck at drawing cum. I also want to get comfortable skipping the lineart step, basically making the sketch into the lineart, but it's hard to do that without it looking like shit
.
.
.
identity crisis/impostor syndrome:
For basically the entire duration of my time as an artist online, I've struggled to really find an identity for myself. I look at my gallery over all these years, and I see the kind of artist I'm trying to be, who I've been inspired by, all that jazz. So many interests that I have appeal to so many different demographics of people, that it leads to situations in which pieces of art that I work hard on and feel really proud of don't get as much attention as the thing I'm known for now, which is foot stuff, and then the foot stuff alienates those who *aren't* into that so I can't really reach those people either, and it just makes it hard for me to step outside of what I normally do. I know i shouldn't let numbers dictate my decision-making, but I can't lie and say it isn't a little disheartening when something I'm proud of gets overlooked. And I'm positive I'm not the only one who feels this way.
And in addition to that, It feels harder than ever to come up with an idea that feels truly original to myself. There are only so many ways one can draw a character's feet while making sure you can see their face too 'n whatever, and I don't wanna look like I'm just ripping off someone, be it a direct peer, or someone who inspires me. So many ideas I have in my head are based on stuff I've seen someone else do, and even though it's never my intention to piggyback off of someone else's success, it feels like that's what I'm doing sometimes
.
.
.
mental health:
this one's fairly obvious, and I know for a fact I'm not alone in this. But my mental health has been in the shitter for like a fucking decade now, and has gotten way worse during the covid-19 pandemic of 2020. I've stayed pretty much holed up in my house for way longer than necessary. I didn't start doing leisure outings without a mask on until **THIS YEAR, 2025**, and the effects of that linger on me to this day. I still get nervous when I go out, and I don't really go out on my own accord, I only do it when I'm coerced into doing so. Not to mention this absolute nightmare of a political situation we Americans are facing right now. This is not normal, we are not supposed to me subjected to this, and it's a daily source of misery, anxiety, and hopelessness. I'm not gonna say we're never getting out of this buuuuttt... it gets harder to believe day after day. That's not everything that's been taking a toll on me, but the rest is stuff I feel is a bit too personal to delve into here, so I'm just gonna leave it at that
.
.
.
other things demotivating me creatively:
If you've made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. This will be my last point, and it kinda concerns 2 things; unfair self-treatment, and the ever-looming threat of my ability to exist as an artist online. For the first thing, I have been doing commission work for people over the years. I never advertised it or anything, it's all been word-of-mouth, and the vast majority of my customer base have been regulars who have bought many pieces from me (i love you guys btw, thank you for all of your support). that, combined with my complete inability to determine the value of my own art, has led me to underprice myself for my work. I know i haven't been treating myself fairly in that regard, I have taken deals that were very much unfavorable to me (which is 100% on me and not the client, I will never, ever blame the client for this). I try to justify this by bearing in mind that I don't work fast, and I kinda lack confidence in my ability, but this has gone on for so long for me that I fear I may have ruined any drive I had to be a career artist, to take commissions, do the patreon/substar thing, make packs, YCHs, all that cool shit, but I just don't see myself doing any of that anymore, and honestly, once I have a "normal" job, I don't know if I want to be in the commission business anymore. I just don't have enough self-worth for this line of work.
And now the other thing. all these threats of censorship, ID verification laws, social media algorithms screwing me simply because I like to draw dicks (my last pic bombed so much harder than I was expecting that it's what prompted me to make this journal in the first place), all this has been making me question whether it's even worth doing this anymore. Like I said above, I love this art, and I would love to keep doing it, but I am so fucking exhausted by this shit that I wonder if it would be better for me to just throw in the towel and not bother anymore. I know good and well that's not the attitude I should be having about this, but I'm just so tired man.
.
.
.
*deep breath*. I'm sorry about all of this, This is a lot. If you've read up to this point, you have already gone above and beyond for me, and I can't thank you enough.
this is not me giving up, not yet. this is simply me struggling to navigate such thoughts.
thanks.
-benjpiaws
I'm putting this out here because I just have too much on my mind to put in a twitter thread or anything like that. I've kept this bottled up for a long time now and I just need to get some things off my chest
I've been doing this art thing since my early teenage years, and back then, I had aspired for this to be the thing i do with my life. And as I became of age, I leaned heavily into the porn side of things. And I do not regret that, not one bit. I love furry porn, I love foot fetish stuff, I love all that shit, and I'm so fucking happy a good bit of y'all like what I've put out.
But I feel my passion for this craft waning. not for the *type* of art that I draw, but for art in general. Drawing has been incredibly fucking hard for me lately, and I'm gonna try to sort out why here in a way that hopefully isn't too hard to follow;
.
.
.
stagnation:
I feel I've hit a slump as far as evolving my technique goes. I don't feel I've learned much new lately, and I really want to make changes, particularly to my rendering technique. But no matter how much I study, I just can't figure out how to pull certain things off, and I have no idea where to look for advice... And on top of that, it's hard to put a finger on *what* I even want to learn. I know I really want to learn more lighting environments, mood lighting, dark atmospheres, proper sunlight, all that stuff. And cum to, oh my god I fucking suck at drawing cum. I also want to get comfortable skipping the lineart step, basically making the sketch into the lineart, but it's hard to do that without it looking like shit
.
.
.
identity crisis/impostor syndrome:
For basically the entire duration of my time as an artist online, I've struggled to really find an identity for myself. I look at my gallery over all these years, and I see the kind of artist I'm trying to be, who I've been inspired by, all that jazz. So many interests that I have appeal to so many different demographics of people, that it leads to situations in which pieces of art that I work hard on and feel really proud of don't get as much attention as the thing I'm known for now, which is foot stuff, and then the foot stuff alienates those who *aren't* into that so I can't really reach those people either, and it just makes it hard for me to step outside of what I normally do. I know i shouldn't let numbers dictate my decision-making, but I can't lie and say it isn't a little disheartening when something I'm proud of gets overlooked. And I'm positive I'm not the only one who feels this way.
And in addition to that, It feels harder than ever to come up with an idea that feels truly original to myself. There are only so many ways one can draw a character's feet while making sure you can see their face too 'n whatever, and I don't wanna look like I'm just ripping off someone, be it a direct peer, or someone who inspires me. So many ideas I have in my head are based on stuff I've seen someone else do, and even though it's never my intention to piggyback off of someone else's success, it feels like that's what I'm doing sometimes
.
.
.
mental health:
this one's fairly obvious, and I know for a fact I'm not alone in this. But my mental health has been in the shitter for like a fucking decade now, and has gotten way worse during the covid-19 pandemic of 2020. I've stayed pretty much holed up in my house for way longer than necessary. I didn't start doing leisure outings without a mask on until **THIS YEAR, 2025**, and the effects of that linger on me to this day. I still get nervous when I go out, and I don't really go out on my own accord, I only do it when I'm coerced into doing so. Not to mention this absolute nightmare of a political situation we Americans are facing right now. This is not normal, we are not supposed to me subjected to this, and it's a daily source of misery, anxiety, and hopelessness. I'm not gonna say we're never getting out of this buuuuttt... it gets harder to believe day after day. That's not everything that's been taking a toll on me, but the rest is stuff I feel is a bit too personal to delve into here, so I'm just gonna leave it at that
.
.
.
other things demotivating me creatively:
If you've made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. This will be my last point, and it kinda concerns 2 things; unfair self-treatment, and the ever-looming threat of my ability to exist as an artist online. For the first thing, I have been doing commission work for people over the years. I never advertised it or anything, it's all been word-of-mouth, and the vast majority of my customer base have been regulars who have bought many pieces from me (i love you guys btw, thank you for all of your support). that, combined with my complete inability to determine the value of my own art, has led me to underprice myself for my work. I know i haven't been treating myself fairly in that regard, I have taken deals that were very much unfavorable to me (which is 100% on me and not the client, I will never, ever blame the client for this). I try to justify this by bearing in mind that I don't work fast, and I kinda lack confidence in my ability, but this has gone on for so long for me that I fear I may have ruined any drive I had to be a career artist, to take commissions, do the patreon/substar thing, make packs, YCHs, all that cool shit, but I just don't see myself doing any of that anymore, and honestly, once I have a "normal" job, I don't know if I want to be in the commission business anymore. I just don't have enough self-worth for this line of work.
And now the other thing. all these threats of censorship, ID verification laws, social media algorithms screwing me simply because I like to draw dicks (my last pic bombed so much harder than I was expecting that it's what prompted me to make this journal in the first place), all this has been making me question whether it's even worth doing this anymore. Like I said above, I love this art, and I would love to keep doing it, but I am so fucking exhausted by this shit that I wonder if it would be better for me to just throw in the towel and not bother anymore. I know good and well that's not the attitude I should be having about this, but I'm just so tired man.
.
.
.
*deep breath*. I'm sorry about all of this, This is a lot. If you've read up to this point, you have already gone above and beyond for me, and I can't thank you enough.
this is not me giving up, not yet. this is simply me struggling to navigate such thoughts.
thanks.
-benjpiaws
i won't be behind on uploads anymore
Posted 3 months agosorry to once again spam y'all's inboxes. i got lazy, n lotsa bullshit, but i finally have most of my material up here now, and i'm gonna try my best to make so that new material uploaded to xitter and bluesky won't nake more than a week to upload here
thank y'all very much for the faves and comments, you guys fuckin' rock and i'm glad i have y'all on my side<3
thank y'all very much for the faves and comments, you guys fuckin' rock and i'm glad i have y'all on my side<3
got stuff to catch up on
Posted 6 months agoi finally cleared my tens of thousands of notifications (sorry for favespamming some of y'all over the last few days haha), imma upload more material i've done here soonish
thanks for the welcome, guys!
Posted a year agoheya, just want to say i very much appreciate the warm welcome back heheh! i'm sorry i just up and left y'all here like that. xwx;
i was going through some things... still am, but i felt it was right to come back here, and y'all have shown me so!
i'm really touched by all the feedback i've been receiving! i read every one of your comments, and i appreciate them all! i just wish this site had a sort of "like" feature for comments, cuz responding to everything takes a lot of energy, and just *some* way to more directly acknowledge them would be welcomed haha. maybe in the future, who knows?
anyway i hope y'all continue to like what i'm putting up here! i still have more to post, i did quite a bit in the almost 2 year absence from this place heheh
i was going through some things... still am, but i felt it was right to come back here, and y'all have shown me so!
i'm really touched by all the feedback i've been receiving! i read every one of your comments, and i appreciate them all! i just wish this site had a sort of "like" feature for comments, cuz responding to everything takes a lot of energy, and just *some* way to more directly acknowledge them would be welcomed haha. maybe in the future, who knows?
anyway i hope y'all continue to like what i'm putting up here! i still have more to post, i did quite a bit in the almost 2 year absence from this place heheh
so... what'd i miss?
Posted a year agoyeah i'm back haha...
hi there fellas i hope y'all are well
there's more material where that came from and i'll post more over time c:
hi there fellas i hope y'all are well
there's more material where that came from and i'll post more over time c:
sorry for spamming y'all today xD
Posted 3 years agowell at least i'm pretty much caught up here now
you'll usually find my new stuff on twitter first https://twitter.com/benjipaws
you'll usually find my new stuff on twitter first https://twitter.com/benjipaws
i appreciate all of you
Posted 3 years agoi've been around a while. done lots of different things.... had ups and downs.... lotta downs...
but i continue on. i draw and post stuff
i read every single comment, see every single favorites notification...
and i can't thank y'all enough for sticking around and supporting me
y'all are fucking great <3
but i continue on. i draw and post stuff
i read every single comment, see every single favorites notification...
and i can't thank y'all enough for sticking around and supporting me
y'all are fucking great <3
*wipes sweat off my forehead*
Posted 4 years agowhew
i'm alive guys
i'm alive guys
clearly i'm still alive
Posted 5 years agogod
i'm a mess lol
how y'all doin?
i'm a mess lol
how y'all doin?
what up, party people
Posted 5 years agoso life’s been weird, huh?
how y’all doin? not too bad, i hope. just thought i’d check in. i know i don’t talk a whole lot. it just gets overwhelming very quickly for me. i also wanna say thanks for y’all’s support. i see every fave and i read every comment, and i appreciate all the feedback i’ve gotten. really, i do ^^
how y’all doin? not too bad, i hope. just thought i’d check in. i know i don’t talk a whole lot. it just gets overwhelming very quickly for me. i also wanna say thanks for y’all’s support. i see every fave and i read every comment, and i appreciate all the feedback i’ve gotten. really, i do ^^
i posted a shit ton of stuff on my other account
Posted 6 years ago
benjaminchuApex Legends livestream!
Posted 7 years agoHot new rattle royale on the market. Could it be the fortnite killer? :o
https://www.twitch.tv/benjipaws
https://www.twitch.tv/benjipaws
smashy with friends
Posted 7 years agosmosh
Posted 7 years ago[Streaming] playing a game (UPDATED)
Posted 7 years agosmashing my friends
Posted 7 years agoGoing Live!
Posted 7 years agoStreaming MORE games! :D
Posted 7 years agoStreaming Games!
Posted 7 years agoMerry Christmas/Happy Holidays! (+I’m still alive)
Posted 7 years agoHeya, guys! I just wanna start off by wishing y’all a Merry Christmas! Or if that’s not your thing, Happy Tuesday! I hope y’all got nice things and/or har a good time so far! ^^
Secondly, I’ve been quiet lately! Sorry about that, I feel bad xwx. But fret not! For I am working on a bunch of new material! Mainly involving my Fursona lol. That’s the sort of kick I was on. So I’ll be working on that and putting them out starting very soon! :D
I’ll take this opportunity too to plug my Twitter profile as well. I post WIPs and random stuff there so if you wanna see more, head on over!
https://twitter.com/benjipaws?lang=en
Secondly, I’ve been quiet lately! Sorry about that, I feel bad xwx. But fret not! For I am working on a bunch of new material! Mainly involving my Fursona lol. That’s the sort of kick I was on. So I’ll be working on that and putting them out starting very soon! :D
I’ll take this opportunity too to plug my Twitter profile as well. I post WIPs and random stuff there so if you wanna see more, head on over!
https://twitter.com/benjipaws?lang=en
Signal boosting for a friend.
Posted 7 years agoSeriously, this guy's art is worth it. Check it out!
https://www.deviantart.com/royalvay.....-Bad-757418160
https://www.deviantart.com/royalvay.....-Bad-757418160
Sorry about that, guys!
Posted 7 years agoI've been pretty quiet lately but all this time I have been working on new pics, and I have finally uploaded them. And I have more in the works at this time!
Side note, A lot of my shit is on e621 as well. Anyone's free to post my stuff there if they want as long as you provide the source link
Side note 2, I also still have a Discord server if for some reason that interests you. https://discord.gg/pkba3mk
Side note, A lot of my shit is on e621 as well. Anyone's free to post my stuff there if they want as long as you provide the source link
Side note 2, I also still have a Discord server if for some reason that interests you. https://discord.gg/pkba3mk
Discord Server! (And other places to find me)
Posted 7 years agoJust thought I'd put this out there lol
First, a reminder that my friend and I have a Discord server! Anyone is welcome to join in! https://discord.gg/pkba3mk
(Just a warning; some channels have NSFW content)
If you want to add me as a contact there too, my handle is BenjiPaws#2069
I also have a Telegram if that interests anybody. I'm @ BenjiPaws (Without space)
Also gonna take this time to plug my FurAffinity accounts in here! (Yes, I got 2 others)
-
My BenjaminChu account, which I've had since 2012 and decided to use it for mainly Pokemon-oriented art. https://www.furaffinity.net/user/benjaminchu (Also contains NSFW content)
-
And my BenjiPaws account! Made especially for my Fursona. I intend to use it as my main account for interaction, but haven't quite done that yet. I just need to figure out how to go about it. https://www.furaffinity.net/user/benjipaws
-
I also have a Twitter account that I'm trying to use more often. I try to keep this one mostly SFW. https://twitter.com/BenjiPaws
And because I'm a crazy motherfucker, I haven't dumped my Facebook yet. So here. :P https://www.facebook.com/xBenjiPaws
So there. Other places to stalk me.
First, a reminder that my friend and I have a Discord server! Anyone is welcome to join in! https://discord.gg/pkba3mk
(Just a warning; some channels have NSFW content)
If you want to add me as a contact there too, my handle is BenjiPaws#2069
I also have a Telegram if that interests anybody. I'm @ BenjiPaws (Without space)
Also gonna take this time to plug my FurAffinity accounts in here! (Yes, I got 2 others)
-
My BenjaminChu account, which I've had since 2012 and decided to use it for mainly Pokemon-oriented art. https://www.furaffinity.net/user/benjaminchu (Also contains NSFW content)
-
And my BenjiPaws account! Made especially for my Fursona. I intend to use it as my main account for interaction, but haven't quite done that yet. I just need to figure out how to go about it. https://www.furaffinity.net/user/benjipaws
-
I also have a Twitter account that I'm trying to use more often. I try to keep this one mostly SFW. https://twitter.com/BenjiPaws
And because I'm a crazy motherfucker, I haven't dumped my Facebook yet. So here. :P https://www.facebook.com/xBenjiPaws
So there. Other places to stalk me.
I'm SFW only now
Posted 7 years agoApril Fools
