So I am now the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.

I took a look at my last few birthday journals before writing this. I am quite fond of what I wrote for my 41st birthday and I won't try to replicate it (go see it here http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8402940/ ).

Pardon me while I share a few distracted and disjointed thoughts as I reach another marker in my life.

Angie has started Kindergarten and really loves school. I cannot believe it's already here. She loved her first ride on the school bus. Last Friday I got to wait with her for the bus to arrive. It was wonderful to see her joy. Even when we found a dead butterfly in our driveway, she was so full of joy and delight, and carefully carried the butterfly to a nearby flower so it wouldn't get crushed. She checked on it a few times over the weekend too to make sure it was still there.

We had a fantastic vacation this Summer, but given that I had to buy a new car we definitely won't be doing anything like it next year. Angie loved doing the Zipline and really wants to do it again. I'm finally back at a Chiropractor hoping we can get the muscles in my shoulder to stop hurting when I lift my arm after I pulled it so bad on the Zipline!

My wife is finally finding some small success in her realty business as she'll get her second closing next week. Hopefully she'll manage at least one more before the year is out, and twice as many next year.

I've done a bit more reading this year than last, and my writing continues at its current glacial pace. I find that I have little energy for it, though I long to venture back into my story worlds. Some of it is love for the characters and setting and ideas I still have. Some times I just wish I could escape into them as well. But I would never do that; no matter how much of my family I could bring there'd always be somebody I love I'd have to leave behind, or for all those who come with me something I'd force them to leave behind. That's not fair.

My furry participation is still here at times, not as much as I used to, but I'm here still. I've drawn back from RPs which I desperately needed to do. I still need to keep myself from mindlessly browsing when I'm bored.

I've had a Bear side to myself for a very long time and this last year it's really wanted to find a way to express itself. Back in the early days of the Internet I was once a Polar Bear, and when writing for Paradise I made myself a Grizzly Bear, and while both feel good to me, I cannot quite settle myself on either. I've been wondering and pondering if an American Black Bear better fits me since they are the kind of Bear that lives in my area. Bear is important to me; it feels very fatherly and protective for me, gentle but strong. There is a withdrawn quality to the Bear, which suits me very well, in contrast to the constant social activity of the Rat. Anybody who sees me at a convention can see that social Rat in me, but I need the Bear too. I really wish I could settle on the type of Bear that best suits me so I can finally be it too.

And given all that is going on, I really wish I could find the strength of the Bear and not feel I have to hide as a Rat. I confess I'm scared to even say a lot of things anymore, the vitriol and hysteria have grown so intense. People need to stop screaming and start listening and get out of their bubbles and stay out of the mobs. We shall see.

Of course there's also Triceratops which is very much there still and assures me that no matter what happens, something infinitely better lies ahead. And that the common march of each day will bring with it little joys and priceless treasures. My daughter reminds me of that too. Seeing her smiling face and hearing her delighted laugh, and being greeted with an excited hug from her when I get home from work makes every day feel a little like a birthday party.

I'm so scared about so much, but I'm going to keep pressing on, trying to do the best I can for my family. I'm 42 years old now and so I look back at my life, ponder what I've learned, and look ahead to the decades still to come in my life (I hope) I know one thing I still have to learn is a wisdom that comes only from the breadth of time, patience, faith, and hope. "This too shall pass."

The thing that currently has me worried is a pair of lymph nodes under my right jaw which are swollen and hurt. It seems like they came out of nowhere on Tuesday, and since they're not going away it's time to call the doctor. Having some medical issue right around my birthday is getting tiresome, as it seems to happen frequently. I wonder if this isn't just my body fighting off some infection Angie brought home from school, but I don't have any other symptoms while she spent all weekend congested and even had a sore throat a couple of days. I try to keep physical ailments in perspective, but after going through Cancer less than three years ago I'm a little paranoid.

That said, there is so much wonder in this world and so many reasons for hope and joy. We are all blessed in ways we cannot even imagine. Even our sufferings and miseries, and even our fears, can be blessings too. And so always are birthdays!

I know my thoughts are not all celebratory, but I am grateful, and there is much to be grateful for. I hope with my next birthday my thoughts can be better settled and I can post about all the happy things I've been up to.

Dominus vobiscum

Hey all, a friend of mine,  wanderwolf, had their computer wiped along with all of their 20+ years of stories. We're trying to help him out with a data recovery service but he needs help raising the funds.

You can help donate at: https://www.gofundme.com/wanderer039s-computer

To learn more about his situation, read: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8854811/

Dominus vobiscum

So another Anthrocon has come and gone (my thirteenth in fact). Let me tell you about it.

Wednesday

My Anthrocon planning has been in progress for a few months but it all came to a head Wednesday morning. We had swept the house and made sure we had enough groceries. I spent a little time playing with Angie and taking care of last minute things before I drove to the bus station to pick up  Fulminar and then to the airport to pick up  LurkingWolf. My new vehicle (a 2012 Nissan Pathfinder) performed ably and with lots of room to spare which is a big plus. We caught up on the ride, the only excitement being that Fulminar and I had to park in the cell phone lot for about fifteen minutes before Lurking arrived and then having to text back and forth to get to the right pick up gate.

Angie had painted a picture the few days before intending to surprise my friends when they arrived and they were surprised; full of light and color and lots of flowers, Lurking decided to take it. I'm so proud of my little girl! We chatted for most of the afternoon before grilling up some hot dogs and hamburgers for an early dinner. After  Sasha_Driften and  Killer.Narwhal arrived by car, I grilled up a little bit more for them. Once everyone had something to eat we broke out the sparklers and celebrated Independence Day. I think we went through about eight boxes of sparklers in very short order.

Not long after it was time for Angie to get some sleep. The rest of us chatted some more, catching up, deciding what we wanted to do at Anthrocon; I hit the sack around 11.

Thursday

Most everyone but my family slept in since we didn't really need to be there until Registration opened up at Noon. I did some coloring with Angie in her Moana coloring book. Her heart wasn't in it that much as she really wanted to play with my friends. When they did finally get up she settled for watching some cartoons with Sasha. She was having so much fun with it that when it was time to head off she started crying because I wasn't going to bring her; she then asked if one of my friends could stay at the house and play with her. Needless to say she wasn't too happy with my answer there, but she went with Mommy to visit my wife's family and go to a new park they'd just discovered; thankfully she had a fantastic time and cheered right up.

The trip into Pittsburgh went smooth; they fixed a part of the road that had collapsed a few months back saving us a ten minute detour, and the road construction on the highway that was supposed to start on Monday had yet to start. We had all pre-registered so we all hung out in line together chatting. I spotted several other furs I knew, like  Soba,  Rakan, and  SandySchreiber and we each talked for a little and caught up some. For Rakan it was a first time we had met face to face so that was quite nice! We'd end up bumping into each other throughout the con though, as always with AC, we never really had a chance to have a good long conversation. Still, it was great meeting him.

The line to pick up our badges took about an hour and afterward we went to Jimmy Johns to get a bite to eat. We then spent the next hour and a half wandering around the con space. I managed to give a quick hug to  CatMonkShiro and  Nyomi as well as admire the new sabertooth head that Knaw (  1gagaga1 ) made for himself. I had a short conversation with  Sodalite as well, promising I would make his STEM Meet and Greet. There were a few others whose names I've forgotten by now (sorry) but honestly, I was the only person from my group actually chatting with anyone, so about 3:30 we decided to head back to my house for the day as there was nothing else happening in the con space anybody was interested in.

We got back home and my wife and daughter were still out with her family. We ordered some Chinese take out and played some games of Mario Kart 8 and Rayman Legends. After Angie got back she joined in and so we more or less let her show us what she wanted to play. About 9:30 we put Angie to bed and then waited up until  WolfFriend arrived a little before 11. I helped him get his cot set up, let him know Friday's schedule, and then bid everyone a good night.

Friday

We arrived at Anthrocon about 8:30 and immediately got into the line for the Dealer's den. There were three or four people in front of us this time. Since they had set up tables in the registration space, Fulminar and I grabbed chairs to sit in while we played some hands of Hearts and Rummy using my fursuit box for a card table. Once the doors opened we headed straight for  darknatasha,  caribou, and  michele_light from whom I bought sketches. I chatted with  hbruton and I then arranged a sketch from Nyomi for Saturday. I then checked out the food joint inside the dealer's den but saw they'd removed the hot dogs from their menu so decided not to eat anything for lunch.

After browsing for a bit I met up with Lurking and then got into my suit for the Rodents! panel. We had about average turnout. Since  Tiptoe had to leave early we took the fursuit photo at the beginning of the panel instead of the end so I'm afraid we missed a few folks. At least we caught the debut of  Lukaryo's blue mouse suit. I only took my head off briefly in the middle of the panel to get a drink of water. Most of the standard topics of conversation came up, but this time we didn't really talk about cartoon influences which is usually a favorite topic.

After my panel I got back out of suit, browsed a bit more, and then headed on over to the STEM Meet and Greet that Sodalite was running. He created a bunch of signs for various STEM disciplines and we all gathered with folks in the same discipline. Naturally I held the "MATH" sign. There were five or six of us, all but Lurking and I were still in school, and only one of them was a PhD candidate. They all were flabbergasted that I managed my PhD in 3 1/2 years with a 50 page dissertation (Pure Math FTW, hatchling!) But were somewhat relieved to know I barely use any of what I studied there. I did quickly review Short Exact Sequences and Syzygies which were familiar to a couple of them, but mostly we talked job opportunities and what the work force is like. I moved to the Physics table with about fifteen minutes to go and had a friendly Fortran v. C++ chat with Rakan before the panel wrapped up and I headed off to meet my roomies for dinner (WolfFriend had dinner plans with some other friends he met there).

Narwhal's biggest criterion, as he put it, was "Not Greasy". I think it really was fast as we passed up two sit-down restaraunts which had waits from a half hour to an hour to eat at Pizza Parm; the pizza has some good chese and is pretty good, but it is definitely a little greasy; I've had more greasy of course, so I suppose it fit the bill. Because of my big rat tail I sat with Fulminar with my tail in the other seat (I didn't want it to touch the floor). It was more dirty from a day full of furs coming through, but still... Fulminar and I watched a game of Jeopardy while we ate and were impressed at how the one lady cleaned everything up. We then headed back to the conspace for some more fun.

I missed Nyomi's bug panel which I wanted to go to so I could learn more about what bug furs loved about them, so we just settled in the game room for a few rounds of EcoFluxx. I invited a few other furs who came in to join us and it seems they were relatively new to the con scene. None of them had played Fluxx before, but they had a lot of fun. I had the single best hand I've ever had on my first play. Somebody had played "Draw Four" and so the previous two players had seven cards in their hands each. On my first play I put down "Play All", exhausted all but two cards from my hand, then played "Trade Hands" and took Lurking's seven card hand. I played that down to two cards and then played "Let's Do That Again" and took the "Trade Hands" from the discard pile and took the newcomer's seven card hand and played that down too! I didn't come close to winning but man was it the craziest hand I've ever had!

About 9:30 we met back up with Narwhal and Sasha who had gone to see Uncle Kage's Story Hour and headed back to my home. We stayed up watching silly videos until a little after midnight when WolfFriend arrived.

Saturday

We slept in a little on Saturday and ended up getting to the con about 10:30. I picked up my sketches, squeaked my hearty approval of each, and after dropping my book off with Nyomi, worked on getting the Roomies sketch sorted out. We ended up selecting Heather Bruton again who has always been such a dear about it; what a good friend! Not long after we bumped into  Salvestro who had finally arrived. We caught up for a while and did a bit of browsing through everything before I decided it was time to get ready for the fursuit parade. LurkingWolf helped me get into my suit one more time and then I left for Hall A.

I was there by myself for a while before Shiro found me and brought me to the front with  Kokuei; it was the first time I'd ever been near the front of the Anthrocon fursuit parade. We were in the third group to start the march and the first thing we did was head outside. The street was packed with families eager to see the suiters. I high fived I don't know how many kids and squeaked my delight to lots more! It was fantastic and I came back inside recharged and ready for more. The rest of the parade was about normal and fun with lots of waving and tail waving to the other furs come to watch. We made it back to Hall A in record time for us with about half the parade still standing there waiting their turn. Shiro, Kokuei and I made our way to the Headless Lounge where Shiro and I relaxed for a while chatting about how things were going for each of us before we returned to the Dealer's Den. I only suited a bit longer before getting back out and heading off to my next event.

The PA Furries Meet and Greet was a lot of fun. Almost everyone that sat at our table was near the Pittsburgh area. I had a chance to catch up with Sketchy and met a really friendly fur from Lancaster as well as one from Utah who was hoping to move to PA soon. I honestly don't recall all of the details of the conversation, but I know I had fun and I look forward to this meet and greet every year.

We ate dinner at WolfFriend, Salvestro, and I ate at Jimmy Johns for dinner, and then migrated back to the game room for another couple rounds of EcoFluxx. We then trooped off to the first of three Transformation panels. The first turned into a long series of shout-outs of everybody's favorite TF in whatever form of media they could think of. A few of us, me included, tried to get it into why we like TF but it never lasted. I confess to being a little disappointed by it. The second panel, which was on the opposite end of the con space, was mostly a report on a TF survey that revealed more about furry demographics than it did about TF in general (news flash to nobody, most furries are millenials). That said, I enjoyed this one much more as it provided some structure and forced us to look at some actual data and try to come to grips with it.

I didn't hang around for the inanimate TF panel (even though turning my Metamor Keep character into living granite would qualify). Instead I had a nice conversation with  Comus about politics and the state of the country. Comus and I have very different opinions on a variety of issues and also on our current President but I'm not going to get into that here. Suffice it to say we each helped each other better understand where we are coming from and proved without doubt that we both care deeply about the other and have tremendous respect for each other. In the end we hugged a few times and both of us look forward to the next time we can chat. Great Gator is he!

After this we met up with our friends and headed back home. Salvestro joined us for the night and I gave him a sleeping bag for the last of the floorspace in my basement. Any more furs and I would have had to break out the tent! We got to bed about 11 again with only one more day of the con.

Sunday

I got up early today and after getting my coffee and breakfast, I woke WolfFriend, Salvestro, and Angie up so we could get to the con early enough to attend Mass with the Catholic Furries. We chose Epiphany again as it is close by and this time went to the 8 AM Mass. We bore no furry gear at Mass this time (there have been tails in previous years). Angie was well behaved and super excited. After Mass I put my tail back on and I put a Raccoon Tail on Angie (I bought it for her a couple years ago but this was her first time going tailed at a con).

Once we made it back to the conspace, WolfFriend stuck by my side as we largely let Angie go wherever she wanted to go. I subtly directed her toward the Dealer's Den so I could pick up my sketchbook from Nyomi. Otherwise Angie hugged every fursuiter she could find and then had me take her picture with them. She showed off her tail to quite a few, did some cartwheels when she wasn't hugging fursuiters, and otherwise delighted everyone who saw her. She even helped a few fursuiters who were on the floor get back up.

After we had lunch I bought her a stuffed alligator at the Dealer's Den (not what she'd selected before lunch but that's how kids are). By then some of the suiters were actually willing to play with her for a while. There was a dragon nurse who ran up and down the halls with her a couple times and watched her show off her gymnastics. There was a trio of canine suiters who played quasi-tag and high-five with her. A wolf and a kitsune who did hide and seek for a little while. And there was also a girl only a few years older who had let her try on her dog head and paws. If this keeps up then in a few years Angie is going to be running around in a fursuit too; she already told me she wants a Zebra suit, but we'll see if she still does when I can afford to actually get her one (not for a while with my new car payments I fear).

So Angie continued in this vein for about six to seven hours throughout the day with only a break for lunch at Arby's. Just before the Dealer's Den closed I reclaimed my fursuit box and we slowly migrated toward the exits. It still took us a full forty-five minutes to get to the cars and go. Salvestro wanted to say our goodbyes down by the waterfalls and while there we ran into the trio of canine suiters again. Angie got one last hug from each and another few pictures before we bid Salvestro a safe drive home and headed for our cars.

We attempted to eat at the Eat'n'Park along the way home as is traditional for Sunday after AC but a huge accident derailed that plan as we were detoured on roads I'd never been on before. We did see a doe and a buck run across the detour road which was cool. We settled for Kings instead and while the food was good the service was a little slow so it was after seven thirty when we got back to the house. Angie wanted to watch cartoons with Sasha again and elected to watch Ferdinand. It didn't take long before we were all watching the movie; after the first half was done we put Angie to bed (after promising her she could see the rest with me tomorrow) and then I went back down and watched the rest of it with my friends. Not long after we all crashed for the night.

Monday

I got up early that morning to take Fulminar to the bus station. There was a little bit of rush hour traffic on the way into Pittsburgh but it wasn't too bad. The awesome banner Nyomi did was still hanging on the convention center. Fulminar and I had a nice chat about what we were going to be doing now that AC was over, and then we hugged knowing we'll see each other again at next year's Furnal Equinox.

After I returned home my wife and Angie headed off to spend the day with her family. I focused on getting my fursuit dried out and cleaning all the bedsheets. Once the others were awake we got the basement cleaned up bit by bit (as they packed their stuff up). Narwhal and Sasha left a little after ten AM, at which point WolfFriend, Lurking, and I finished cleaning up the house. I managed to get all of the sheets cleaned and folded with their help before we had some lunch. WolfFriend headed off after that. LurkingWolf stuck around long enough for us to get all his sketches scanned in and emailed to him. I then drove back to the airport through the afternoon rush hour traffic to drop him off. It was a long drive but we talked about our stories, his upcoming novel, Metamor Keep stuff we wanted to do, and just what our lives were going to be like. I dropped him off and then headed right back into rush hour traffic going the other way. It was a long drive home, but I came home to a loving family that loves my furriness.

I am so happy to have spent this Anthrocon with my friends. There are many more I met there that I have not mentioned, more than I can manage I'm sure. I'm very happy for my daughter who has is super-excited about the fandom and is bit by bit learning proper fursuit etiquette. I'm happy for my wife who enjoys the company of my friends and was able to get in some real relaxation while we were all out. And I look forward to sharing the pictures from the Rodents panel and the sketches I had done.

And I definitely look forward to next year and seeing all my amazing friends again!

Dominus vobiscum

Well, the time has finally come for me to say goodbye to my 98 Saturn. This week the entire exhaust system just plain fell off and the cost to repair it is worth more than the car. I'm bittersweet about it since this was my very first car and I've driven nearly every single one of its almost 219,000 miles. Twenty years I've had this car, my beautiful Manual Transmission, and it's been to many different places: Montreal, Toronto, Boston, St. Louis, Nashville, Memphis, Columbus, Philadelphia, and Northern Virginia, but its home was first Blacksburg, and finally Pittsburgh. I will miss its feel, a car I have grown very comfortable with and which has been known by many others and whose idiosyncrasies I fully understood.

We took a peek at one potential car today, and I quite liked it. We'll look at a few others tomorrow, but if none of them are better we'll buy the one we saw today (I hate buying after only seeing one possibility). By Monday I should have a new car. I don't want to say what we're looking at (silly superstition, but it's been that kind of week). I'm not looking forward to having another car payment and it is going to make things pretty tight until we finish paying off my wife's truck in two years, but at least I shouldn't have repair bills every few months and I shouldn't be apprehensive something is going to finally fall apart as I have been for the last few months (and which finally happened on Tuesday!)

Still, I do love my old car. I have one picture of it here on FA: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9178613/

I also have some silly pictures of cool odometer readings: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2202261/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2202267/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/8098212/

I am going to miss it even though it is time to move on. I'm so grateful that I had twenty years with this, my very first car. For me and my family it is very much the end of an Era. I only hope whatever car I get this weekend can last a good long while too.

Dominus vobiscum

This weekend my family and I traveled to Connecticut for my Grandmother's funeral. She passed away last November after a long life and years of deteriorating health and they waited until now to hold the funeral so that as many as possible could attend. The funeral was a graveside service. She was buried next to my Grandfather who passed on ten years prior. I checked to see if I had written anything here for his funeral, as I've been on FA long enough, but it seems I hadn't started posting journals yet.

My grandmother still lived in the house that my father grew up in. We lived in Virginia but would make the nine-hour trip to visit them two to three times a year when we were all young. The pace slowed to once a year as we aged, and by the time I was a teenager in High School we only visited a couple more times before I was off in college. The last time we visited them was in 1995; the next time I saw Grandma was twelve years later at Grandpa's funeral. We kept thinking about going up to visit after we had Angie, but we never could make the plans gel and so it never happened.

So I saw this trip in three principal lights. First, it would be a chance for Angie to spend more time with her grandparents, uncles and aunts, and cousins. Second, it would be a chance for me to spend time with my family, especially my father, as we remembered Grandma. Third, it would be a chance for me to look back on a treasured part of my childhood for Grandma had always been more a part of my childhood than my adulthood.

All three were certainly accomplished. We spent a few extra days there in a nice rental house where almost my entire family stayed (one brother opted for a nearby hotel instead but spent most of their time with us at the rental house). It was wonderful chaos. We swam in a nearby lake, visited Connecticut's only zoo (and saw Maned Wolf pups), did lots of silliness around the house with the kids, played some card games, watched way too much Family Feud, talked about everything, and overall had a great time together as family.

Saturday was the day of the graveside funeral. All of my father's family were there. I was delighted that I recognized all three of my aunts and my uncle, as well as the two cousins of mine who were about our age and the other kids we played with on those many visits of our childhood. My cousins, I'll call then Andy and Anne, lived all their lives near my grandmother and in many ways were far closer to her than I was. They knew her in their adulthood and had been part of her life in a way I was not. In my childhood I'd had a crush on Anne and she had one on me, but of course nothing ever came of it. Now we all have kids of our own and lives that, to be honest, are very separate. I did get Andy's cell number and I'll try to keep better in contact with him in the days ahead. But in looking at my extended family as we gathered for the funeral and as we gathered at Grandma's house afterward, I know I'll always be somebody better known as being my father's son and the one who plays piano and does math and stories.

I look at the relationship Andy and Anne had with my grandmother and some of the other relatives who stayed in Connecticut and I realize that my father's generation deprived us of something previous generations took for granted. All of Grandma's five children moved away from Connecticut once they were adults; three, including my father went to Colorado at one time or another. That's where my Dad met my Mom; she refused to marry him until he had a job, and that's how we ended up in Virginia. In Virginia our nearest relatives outside of immediate family was my Grandparents -- nine hours away. Yes, we were the nuclear family, but only that. Extended family was somebody we knew from occassional visits (never to us, always to them) and from Christmas and Birthday cards.

Now, I am very close with my immediate family and we get together as often as we can -- still not often enough I fear. But my cousins knew not only their own grandparents, but mine were a second set of grandparents to them. And then there were the neighbors who had known them for decades and the other family friends, including the pastor, who had come to wish her goodbye. So much family and so much love and while I was always loved by them and in my heart I know I love them too and wish them only the best, I'll never know them as closely as previous generations always knew their extended families. Generations would grow up and old together and that sense of family was more than just parent and child, but a legacy stretching backward in time that helped each member know who they were and what was expected of them. It provided a foundation on which they could understand themselves. Too many today have no idea who they are and define themselves instead by whatever desires they have, by satisfying themselves first. I do this as well in certain ways and yet it always leaves me feeling empty and wanting more.

Family alone is not enough, nor am I less of a person because of what my father did to find a job. I do not blame him at all, and my regret is one that is tinged with joy; had he stayed in Connecticut I would not be, and even if I was I would never have met my wife or had my daughter. I am grateful for what I do have, and hope I can give my wife and daughter everything I have to give. But I do regret that my New England roots are as shallow as they are, for it is a beautiful land and a great family from which I come.

One of the things we did at Grandma's house was go through the many nick-nacks she'd collected as well as the pictures and things she and Grandpa had owned. I picked out a few things (rodents all, go figure), as well as couple picture frames, one with a picture of their house and one with a collage of pictures of many in the family, including one of my Dad and I when I was about ten. I also took Grandpa's old slide rule and some medals one of their grandparents had earned around the turn of the previous century (I intend to do a little research into these to find out more).

One of my aunt's bought the house so at least it will stay in the family and I can come see it again if and when we go back to Connecticut. I love the state with its beautiful pine and birch forests, the granite rock everywhere, and its small town charm amidst rustic wild, especially in the northwestern corner. That is where my father's family comes from and through him and through all our visits to know Grandma and Grandpa we have it in us too.

I wish I knew more about my Grandmother. What I do know is that she loved us and delighted in seeing us and in hearing about what we were doing. She adored that I played piano and I always made sure to play Robert Schumann's Traumerei because it was her favorite. She spent most of her days sitting at her kitchen table gazing out into the backward watching the squirrels and birds come to the feeders (and one time a bear), and delighting in poetry, especially Robert Frost. In her last days she memorized 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening'. Let me share it here so you too know a little of my Grandmother.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
The little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

My Grandma now sleeps. I love her and hope I can carry even the small part of her I have with me all the rest of my days, and bring the beauty of a time forgot and oft misunderstood or maligned to the present adrift age and my family to give them a rock as solid and beautiful as granite from which to grow.

She is with Jesus now for whom she longed. Goodbye Grandma! I hope to see you again in glory one day.

Dominus vobiscum

I went in for an MRI today. They were checking my ears canals because I've been dealing with some hearing loss and there is no obvious explanation. Nothing tremendous yet and it hasn't impaired me, but it is concerning.

The MRI went well. I have now experienced 3 Tesla Magnetic Fields created by Magnets cooled by Liquid Helium and had Gadolinium injected into my blood as a tracer. The MRI is pretty noisy, but I still almost fell asleep while in it. The IV they put into my arm was almost the worst part of the whole experience, but what was really bad was when they took off all the tape they put on my arm to keep the IV still. OUCH! I am missing quite a bit of fur there now.

I'll likely find out next week what the results are, but perhaps as early as Friday. Hopefully it's nothing serious.

Dominus vobiscum

I heartily recommend this piece by American composer Mason Bates. It is called Mothership and was commissioned by the Youtube Symphony Orchestra with the express purpose of getting lots of people to extemporize their own solos for it. Here it is performed by the LSO:



I normally don't go for Symphonic music plus Electronica, but this is fantastic; upbeat and constantly energizing! Enjoy!

Dominus vobiscum

Thursday

My day began about 4 AM as I finished the last of the packing and checked messages one last time. I was out the door by 5 AM to begin my 2018 Furnal Equinox adventure! The drive to  Salvestro was uneventful, which was a relief after all the car troubles I'd had earlier in the week (one of the piston's for my alternator belt broke over the weekend which led to my power steering going out Monday morning; everything is fixed now).

I got to Salvestro's about 7:20, and within ten minutes were on the road in his car up to Canada. Salvestro brought a list of things he wanted to talk about. There was a good bit about the Catholic Furries Telegram group, recent movies we've seen and whether they were worth it, politics of course, and furry fandom activities in general. Naturally we talked about how we were each doing and our hopes for the next year. I gushed about my daughter (I do this a lot these days) and how she's going to Kindergarten in the Fall and how clever she is and all the fun stuff she's doing.

We made it to the border without any trouble and I was doing my best to be an inoffensive little Rat when the Canadian agent asked if we'd ever talked to Immigration before. I knew we we're going to get pulled over right then and sure enough we did. This year I was smart enough to bring some reading material in my jacket pocket and to leave my laptop at home. Thankfully there were no surprises and we got through in thirteen minutes.

We stopped to pick up  Fulminar and made it to the hotel about 1:30. There we learned what many other FE attendees learned -- they changed our room from two Queens to a King. Salvestro had brought a sleeping bag and they did say they could bring up a rollaway bed, so I sort of did my best to be cooperative and let Salvestro and Fulminar know what happened. While doing so I saw  CatMonkShiro,  Nyomi, and  Dan_Raccoon had also arrived and we went over to say hi. There were a few other friends with them including the guy who runs DarkBunnySauces whose name escapes me right now. It turns out they also lost their Two Queen room at which point we got into a discussion about Hotel Policies and Canadian Law. I went back to the lady who I checked in with and expressed my displeasure since this was now an endemic problem. She promised to see what she could do and so I went back to my friends to chat.

Since Shiro, Nyomi, Dan, and Nihlus were rather bummed we invited them to dinner with us at the Olde Spaghetti Factory that evening. Fulminar had made reservations already and had the foresight to get a few extra slots just in case. They were thrilled to accept. About three I went back to check on the room and learned we'd been upgraded to a corner suite with lake-view; it was still a King but with lots more space then we were expecting. We took it, and got our luggage stowed. I checked to make sure the Border guards had not messed up my fursuit and then decided to do some suiting.

I walked down to the hotel lobby at first and quickly bumped into  Scani and the Hotel representative to the con. They were chatting about the room situation and I listened in to learn what was being done in general. I'm glad to situation was dealt with so quickly, but the hotel did screw up, no doubt. I let both Scani and the hotel guy know we were happy with what happened and thanked them for doing the best they could with where we were. In stressful times like that, I know I like to hear somebody thanking me for doing my best (and Scani especially since it wasn't his fault).

I then wandered down to the Convention area and while there was almost nobody there, I did run into  DaiCymru and a fur I didn't know named Knaw (FA account is  1gagaga1). We chatted for a bit and Knaw tried to invite me to a telegram account and then we all got a laugh when I pulled out my last generation flip-phone. I am a Dinosaur as well as a Rat after all!

I returned to our room not much later and then we went to pick up our registrations; the line hung there for a while and then moved in fits and starts but we did eventually get our badges and con swag. I really like the con books they gave us and need to figure out what nice thing I can do with it other than stuff it in a box with the rest of them. We then worked out with Salvestro and Fulminar how we were going to pick up our other two roommates.  WolfFriend was arriving by plane and so Salvestro headed down to Union Station to meet him, while I kept my phone ready for  Cobalt_K to arrive. He did so not long before it was time to head to dinner; Salvestro and WolfFriend would have to join us there.

The Olde Spaghetti Factory is not far from the hotel and we arrived a little before 8. Our table was ready and soon there were nine of us there getting ready to eat a fantastic meal. We had a really nice, polite conversation about politics to start and thank goodness we did. I think a lot of us are feeling stress from politics on both sides of the border and even though we all have different points of view about various politicians and issues, we all managed to express ourselves openly but with respect and a willingness to admit we're all fallible. What I got out of it was that we're all furry first and foremost and that is more important to us; further, we've all gotten to know each other as friends over the many years of cons and in the fandom and our love for each other, other willing the good of each other and wanting the best for each other, blows away any squabbles that we might have over politicians or political issues. And that was a fantastic way to enjoy a great meal in an absolutely fantastic restaurant; seriously, the decor is a marvel and I can see why the Toronto furries have a monthly meet there! I would too if I lived there!

After dinner we went back to the hotel and retired to our rooms. Cobalt broke out his copy of "Betrayal at House on the Hill" and Salvestro, WolfFriend, Cobalt, and I played a round. We managed to get up to seven omens before the haunt was triggered. I was the traitor and I was trying to correct the right canopic jar to raise an Egyptian Mummy back to life; I got to put a curse on the other players (at random). Cobalt was cursed to become a traitor too which was hilarious. Poor Salvestro kept getting terrible dice rolls and finally was killed one round into the haunt. I was only able to collect a single Canopic jar, the one the party had to assign me, but it turned out to be the right one and so Ancient Egypt rose again! Afterwards we all just chatted about this or that as we settled down to our first sleep at the con.

Friday

I honestly don't remember too much about what we did Friday morning. I know I ate a granola bar for breakfast and there was some chatting with my roomies, but other than that not much. I was waiting in line for the Dealer's Den about 11:30 and chatted some with Fulminar and  Soba while there. Soba regaled us with the horror of what happened to him last year and I very much hope there is never a repeat! Man I'm glad to see Soba back in good shape!

Once the Dealer's Den opened I stopped in to see the GoH,  RickGriffin. I had a sketch in mind I hoped to get from him, but it had two characters and he was only doing one character sketches; with no backup in mind I continued on to find my regulars. I showed off pictures of stuff Angie had done the previous year to  Xenotropos,  SandySchreiber and  hbruton and each of them picked a picture they would anthro-up for my sketch book. I then checked in with Shiro and Nyomi and told them about the picture I was hoping the two of them could do together. They loved the idea and off I went to find  SpiderDragon to suggest two possible sketches I'd like her to do; she wasn't sure which one at first so I told her to go ahead and think about it and let me know later. I also stopped by  BushyCat and learned about her border crossing horror story (which thankfully has a happy ending, though at the time we didn't know it).

I then headed bakc to the room and got into suit for my Rodents! panel. We had a really great turnout this year, and both Salvestro and WolfFriend joined me; WolfFriend had never been to a panel and wanted to see what it was like. I'm happy to say they enjoyed themselves as did everyone else who came. We had a good mix of Pet Rat and other Rodent Owners, and actual Rodent furries. The first half of the panel involved everyone introducing themselves, and then we just talked about whatever we wanted. I brought up a few Rodent themed games that were now available (including "Ghost of a Tale" which I heartily recommend) and there was also the usual talk about cartoons, fun stuff pet rodents have done, and a few books here and there. We had six Rodent suiters there and I'll post the pictures soon!

I managed to stay in suit the whole panel this year (the first time at FE since my cancer surgery) and so I stayed in suit a while longer to do some browsing and to meet people around the con space. I wish I could remember all that we did but I'm afraid I do not. I know I ran into  Leo.The.Ninja.Lion and got to see his new fursuit; he invited me to join him again for a joint sketch and we got it from Nyomi (I have yet to see it but I'm sure it will be awesome).

My roomies sans Cobalt attempted to get dinner at a place called "The Fox" but found it had an hour wait. Instead we headed on over to Firkin's; I had hoped to skip it this year since we'd been there twice last year, but it was the only other place I knew of we could get Fish on Friday. We got a table immediately at Firkin's and we all splurged a little on dessert too. The fish was fantastic and worth it, though I do hope to learn how nice "The Fox" is next year. Afterwards we stopped off at the little grocery store there and I picked up some flavored coffee creamer (the hotel just doesn't provide enough to make my coffee enjoyable) as well as an Aero bar (I cannot get those in the States and it is a shame).

We went back to the room and chatted for a while as I enjoyed my Aero bar. One by one we wandered around the hotel space. I eventually wandered down to the Gaming room and played a game of Knights and Shadows (I think it was called that) but I could not tell you now who I played with. It was a fun game and even though I ended up losing, I'm the only one who managed to get more than one kill, muahahaha! I found my Mouise friend  Alganbord trying to figure out how to play "Mice and Mystics" and of course he invited me to join him. I declined, pointing out the game takes at least four hours to get through a single chapter at which point he decided that wasn't such a good idea either. We settled instead on playing "The Game" which goes pretty fast. And boy did we lose badly too! But we had fun and that's what counts.

I did miss out on getting into Shiro's Werewolf game, but it's okay, I learned all about the next day! I had a fantastic day anyway. After saying goodnight to Alganbord and his friend (whose name I don't recall now, sorry) I headed back to the room and crashed.

Saturday

The day started with Fulminar and I catching breakfast at the diner across the street from the hotel. We chatted with a young fur who was local for a bit before he headed back to the con space. Heather, Xeno, and Sandy showed up not long after and we chatted some with them before returning to the hotel. I stopped by the Dealer's Den first thing as it opened to check on the status of my sketches. This brought me right back into contact with the trio and I stood by each of their tables one by one to gush over what they drew for me. It is so much fun seeing the pictures I took of Angie, those precious memories, be transferred to the furry world too so that I can share them anew. They did a great job capturing those moments and I think I'll be posting both the original pictures as well as the sketches they're based on soon.

While I was wandering the Dealer's Den I ran into  Dragoniade wearing his new Grizzly suit. Dragoniade and I had met at previous FEs but this was the first time he'd had a suit to show off. He had torn the arms and legs of his clothes to make it appear he had just transformed into a werebear. The suit had holes for the eyes and he was wearing makeup to blend the skin with the fur. I confess the effect blew me away and I was gushing over his amazing suit even as I was catching up with him on how he was doing. Even though my main forms are Rat and Triceratops, there is a third form of a Bear still trying to settle in me that's been there for a long time, and seeing this really helped stir it up anew. I snapped a few pictures of his suit in a suitably werebear pose before heading off to the TF Panel.

The TF Panel was put together by  CheasyDino and I think he did a great job keeping the flow of conversation going and bringing up a bunch of different ideas. There were lots of good voices chipping in and some that were really deep getting at why we all love the idea of Transformation. I had a great time there and it was fun to hear about all the different ways in which people were looking at TF and at all the different influences that folks had. After the panel I made sure to thank CheasyDino and encourage him to do it again. I then met  Stickmanwww who was only there for the day and we chatted for a little bit. I do wish we could have talked longer as he seems like a really cool guy and his TF art is awesome, but I had to head back to get into suit to prepare for the Fursuit Fiesta.

This year there was not going to be a Fursuit Parade and I had the intention of doing an impromptu one anyway. While we were gathering at the bottom of the escalators I hung near Fulminar and WolfFriend who were also in suit while trying to spot Shiro. I was delighted to see Scani had decided to participate in suit and his was quite awesome. Once we got inside the room I managed to work my way to the front as they wanted short folk like me up there. I ended up right in front of  gaia1234 and a raccoon who I know I know but cannot recall right now and we chatted for a little bit before the organizers started organizing and next thing I know there's a bunch of other furs between us. I have no idea who I ended up next to but at least I could be seen in the fursuit picture!

The Fiesta then consisted of mingling and getting smaller group shots. The Rodents and other small animals was first so I headed on over to get the small shot done. When it was over I started looking around for my friends. I did find Shiro at long last as well as Dragoniade and Alganbord and we chatted for a while but since I couldn't find my roomies, my idea of doing an impromptu parade never came to pass. I stuck around trying to find other suiters I knew and made sure to watch their photoshoots too. Eventally I ran into Leo and WolfFriend who were coming back from the loneliest fursuit parade ever -- they even had a sign! I chided them on not inviting me, but I'm just pleased somebody managed to pull it off. I do like the Parade and wish we could have done it, but the Fiesta was still fun.

I did go wander about the Dealer's Den in suit just so my friends could see but then I headed back to the room to get ready for the SuperSponsor Dinner. On my way back down I picked up my awesome sketch from Shiro and Nyomi and gushed happily about it for some time. They did a fantastic job and I think you'll all love it.

Dinner was much better this year as they cooked the chicken with the pasta. I went back for a heaping seconds too. Fulminar and I shared a table with Soba and  ManuKoa and a few others whose names I forgot to snag. I have gushed over Manu's fursuit many times over the years at FE but have rarely had a chance to talk to him so that was a real delight.

I honestly don't remember all that happened after that. I know I played a game of "The Captain is Dead" with Alganbord and his friend; I was the Chief Engineer and we were successfully able to cooperate enough to get the warp drive back online and escape. It was a lot of fun and I'd play again for sure. I think there was another game played but I honestly don't recall now. Gah, my memory needs some work.

The day ended back in the room with a second game of "Betrayal". This time WolfFriend was the traitor and he tried to marry a girl off to a mummy. This time, the mummy did not win, huzzah!

Sunday

Salvestro, WolfFriend and I headed off to St. Michael Cathedral for Sunday Mass to start our day. The Cathedral is absolutely breathtaking and everyone should go see it even if you aren't Catholic for the beauty of its architecture and art. I was impressed that the large congregation was singing the Mass parts in Latin, something I wish my own parish would do. I did my best and loved it as well as the Homily. I had to work hard though to keep myself from thinking about developing an official Bear fursona for myself, something that had been occupying my mind since I saw Dragoniade's fursuit.

We stopped by McDonald's on the way back to grab a bite of breakfast and then it was back to the hotel. I changed from my Dress suit back into every day clothes and made sure to have my rat tail on. I had half-a-thought to going from Dress Suit to fursuit but nobody seemed interested in doing that so I elected instead to wander the con space for a bit to see what I could find. I recall doing some work to make sure everyone in my room managed to make it to SpiderDragon's table to give her their information and approval for the theme of the Sketch. At some point I ended up staring wistfully at the Galaxy Teas supply and lamenting my worry over trying to bring something like it across the border. The guy running it gave me one of his small bags to try and I have already enjoyed a cup. Next year I'm buying some on the first day of the con!

At one point I ended up in the Game Room one last time to play the game "Evolution" with Cobalt, TFProxy, and a few others. I had a good time playing it and did okay for the most part even if I couldn't manage to protect my species as effectively as some others did. I'd definitely give the game a try again. I chatted with TFProxy a little and caught up on how he's doing; always good to see folks year after year even if we only see each other at cons!

Before leaving the Gaming Room I met Dragoniade in his bear suit again as well as another fur who was wearing a Grizzly suit made by the same fursuit maker. I really loved the look and I was especially impressed by the feel of the paw pads and claws. They encouraged me to get a bear suit from the maker too and boy am I tempted to do so (just have to save up lots of money, money which inevitably could go to better things like family stuff; I'm still figuring it out in my head). They sent me a note with the maker and I thanked them profusely and hugged them both for their encouragement. One of these days I'll figure out the Bear in me too, I love them too much not to do so.

I returned to the Dealer's Den for one last hurrah and for checking on the status of the Roomies sketch. Sadly it wasn't done and the other Sketch I wanted from SpiderDragon had turned into a take-home project. She compensated by giving me a little ACEO of a Seahorse to give to Angie. (Angie's reaction was that it was beautiful and she wanted to do watercolors too; I'm impressed Angie realized it was water colors as I didn't tell her that). I also bought a little sketch book for Angie and I to do pictures together in which was covered in cute pink animals (pink and purple being her favorite colors).

I then met  Caturnalia while chatting with some other friends near Shiro's table and she showed off some of her TF-centric costume equipment. Fantastic stuff! She herself seemed really nice and I had a great time chatting with her. Sadly, they were kicking us out of the Dealer's Den at that point and so I went back to my room to drop off everything I didn't want to bring to dinner with me.

I joined WolfFriend and Salvestro for Closing Ceremonies and we ended up sitting halfway back. Closing Ceremonies tends not to have too much interest for me, but this year Scani gave an emotional farewell address as he handed ConChair duties off. He definitely needed some hugs after that! Then they announced the theme for next year, our Tenth Furnal Equinox, would be Graduation. I can see why, but that wasn't terribly inspirational for me at the time. But then they announced the Guests of Honor as Nyomi and Shiro and I exploded. I started screaming in delight as soon as Nyomi's name was called and I screamed even louder for Shiro. I had known Shiro online for a few years, but at the first FE back in 2010 we had just connected and talked for hours together, relating our life stories to each other. FE is the foundation of our friendship and I am proud to have been invited to his and Nyomi's wedding (I could not make it because it conflicted with my family vacation); I am proud to be their friend and I am so very proud and thrilled for them to have this honor at Furnal Equinox, a con that I know Shiro feels is very much his own just as in a way I feel it is mine.

Dang it, I'm actually tearing up a little writing this. You guys mean so much to me. I'm so dang happy for you both!

After Closing Ceremonies we assembled in the hotel lobby in record time and with record organization headed off to Mandarin's for our celebratory dinner. I had three plates of food and two plates of dessert and was thoroughly stuffed by the end; I think it's been quite some time since I ate that much food. Man was it good and man was the company fantastic! It might be the best Mandarin run we've had. It just keeps getting bigger every year too. A few more years and we'll have to reserve the whole restaurant!

When we got back we said our goodbyes as we were all very tired and full. We retired to our room and played a game whose name I forget but it has TF in it. It is about Samurai protecting a village; once they take enough damage they each reveal their spirit animal form. I deliberately chose the character who turns into a Bear and I was thrilled that I got to become the Bear too. We'd played the game last year but the village got burden down before anybody could TF. Neither WolfFriend nor Salvestro was able to TF but at least we made it to day three this time!

We ran a few games of some card game that went crazy fast too but I forget the name. Eventually we grew bored of that and the night wound down with conversations about C.S. Lewis, Tolkein, and their settings and plumbing them for meaning. That might have happened Monday morning too, I honestly don't recall. And at some point we watched part of a Star Trek Voyager episode that had a 30s Flash Gordon homage on the Holodec that was absolutely pitch perfect and hilarious. Honestly, there was so much stuff going on I can no longer keep it all straight. But eventually we did get to sleep after a fantastic convention.

Monday

We all overslept a little and WolfFriend ended up having to catch a later flight. Salvestro and I walked him to Union Station and made sure he was on his way before heading back. We'd already packed up the room and the bill was paid so we decided to just head on home. I was anxious because it was going to be dinner time before I got back home. I'd been calling my wife and Angie every day of the con and I'd thought I'd be home between four and five. In the end I came in at six on the nose. It was a nice uneventful drive back home and we were all tired. Fulminar played the "Try Everything" song for us as we'd gone to see Zootopia for the first time two FE's ago so it was a nice bit of nostalgia. The trip from Toronto to Fulminar's went by so fast, and then the trip to the border seemed to take forever (they are the same distance). We got back across the border without issue, stopped off for a slice of pizza for lunch, and then Salvestro and I just chatted amiably about whatever and the fun times we had and what we were going to do when we got back.

I have had to say goodbye so many times to friends after cons now that I no longer get all distraught about it anymore. Still, it is always sad to have to say goodbye. I'm just so happy to have so many great friends and so many people I care about and yearn to see again! I look forward to Anthrocon in a few months and Furnal Equinox again next year. I will be there somehow to cheer on my friends, to get to know the new ones even better, and to make some more and to encourage all furries new or old to have a great time and to see the best of everyone in the fandom. We are an amazing fandom and I couldn't be happier to be a part of it.

I am very happy to be home and I was so happy to give my little girl a big hug and kiss. I have been happy to play with her and to sketch with her in her present, and to share with her the sketches I got. And I'm going to share Sunday of Anthrocon with her again when it comes.

Thank you to all of my friends and the many more I missed for being there and being yourselves. Thank you for being my friends! And to those whose names I've forgotten, please forgive me! Hopefully next year I'll remember and get to know you better too!

Dominus vobiscum

I made it home safe and sound. Had a great time at Furnal Equinox 2018! I'll report more later this week.

Dominus vobiscum

And in about fifteen minutes I should be on the road for Furnal Equinox 2018. I won't have any easy way to check messages until I return so if you aren't going, I'll see you when I get back! And if you are going, I should see you very soon!

Dominus vobiscum

So according to my daughter the other day, I'm a Zebra now. The conversation in my car went like this.

"And you are a Zebra!"

"I am? But I don't feel like a Zebra? Do I have Stripes?"

"Yes!"

"Do I have hooves?"

"Yes!"

"Do I have a tail?"

"Yes!"

"Do I have a horsey face?"

"Yes!"

"Well, I guess I must be a Zebra then."

I'm sure this change will last for a few days before my daughter decides I have become something else. This is not a common occurrence mind you but not altogether unprecedented. I'm sure it would make a fun little TF-comic if I could afford to pay for it, so for now it will abide here where I can look back and fondly remember the time she turned me into a Zebra.

In other news I'm behind again on everything. Lent is here tomorrow and I've no idea what I'm going to be doing to try and keep it better. I should give up reading Politics because it doesn't really do any good; it just gives me a pretense of being more in-the-know but all it really does is puff me up or get me angry; it exacerbates my emotions and rarely helps. SO that would be a good thing to get away from. But I want to do more than give something up, I want to pick something up too; I want to do something more that I haven't been doing. Other than additional spiritual reading or praying I'm not sure what that will be yet.

I am looking forward to attending Furnal Equinox next month. I've got some great roommates this year and I know we're going to have a fantastic time together. I'm still trying to figure out what sort of sketches I want to get. I'll think of something.

I just finished reading "Calculating the Cosmos" by Ian Stewart. Mostly a good book which focuses on Mathematics contributions to Cosmology. I think his criticisms of the Fine-Tuning arguments miss the mark and are deceptive in other ways but overall it was a good read. I was delighted to see him mention one of the newly discovered answers to the riddle of why the arms of Galaxies move so fast; Dark Matter was theorized to make up for the lack of sufficient Mass the theory required. New mathematical work shows that the model missed out on the effect of stars tugging each other along (because the N-body problem is hard) and so we don't need to postulate Dark Matter to explain the rotation of galaxies; I was especially delighted by this because I'd read about the work in SIAM last year; if I was doing any other sort of work than what I'm doing, this would be what I'd want it to be.

I am looking forward to warmer weather in a couple of months so I can go out riding my bike again. Man do I miss that.

Angie got a two-foot tall Tyrannosaurus Rex from my sister last week. It's her favorite dinosaur she said; my Triceratops self (when I'm not a Zebra) would shed a tear at this news. She's named him Tyler Kadin; better than Tyler Durden at any rate (though that would make a cool picture).

So much going on and so much to be grateful for! Life is truly amazing. Have a great day and a great Lent everyone!

Dominus vobiscum

I have been attempting to upload a couple mp3s that are under 10MB (as required by the AUP) but every time I try I get an error that says either the file type is not allowed or that the file is corrupted. I've uploaded mp3s before and have never had this trouble before. Any idea what I can do?

Dominus vobiscum

Well 2017 was sure an interesting year to have been alive! But the world is going to be the world and humans are going to be humans. No sense expecting anything different. Sometimes they amaze you with the goodness of angels, other times you want to do headsmack after headsmack. And through it all the reminder that folks don't know how to learn the lessons of history (if we even study it anymore). But there are always rays of light and hope and beauty and good stuff always happens too.

I know I have much to be grateful for in 2017. Some of it I discussed in my birthday journal. Let me note a few things.

I am certified Cancer-Free. My doctor is now working on figuring out the right dose level for my medication.

I saw a Total Solar Eclipse with my family. I have wanted to see this since I was a young boy and now I have. It was worth it!

Having my wife's family live close by has made things so much better in so many ways. Angie loves seeing them and I'm so glad to have them in her life.

I have been able to take Angie to her first Anthrocon and she had a blast and so did every Suiter she interacted with.

I took Angie to the Children's Museum at least a half-dozen times, the Zoo twice, and Living Treasures at least twice. The second Zoo trip we enjoyed the temporary Dinosaurs exhibit which was a lot nicer than previous ones I've seen.

I took Angie to see her first movie at the movie theater; Ferdinand was a great choice and we all loved seeing it together like that.

I took Angie to her first amusement park and she had a blast!

Angie turned five years old! She loves trying to spell words, do crafts, shoot her new toy bow, play pretend with her Legos and Calico Critters and trains, and she loves going to school! I love her dearly and am so blessed to be her Daddy.

My wife got her license to be a Realtor in November! No customers yet but she's working hard to find some.

And yes, even around the world I see good news. I see ISIS basically destroyed after terrorizing and displacing millions over the previous few years. I see anti-government protestors brave enough to come out in Iran again. Even in North Korea I see hope that maybe the sixty year stalemate and utter destitution for the people there can find a resolution that our elites never thought possible that doesn't end up killing millions (still, very dicey there, could go south fast). I see a tax reform package that seems likely to bring new investment and jobs back, as well as help increase our take-home pay in February once the withholding tables are updated. And NASA now has a goal of getting maned-spacecraft to Mars; I honestly thought we'd be there in the 90s... better late than never; the good that will come from that is incalculable. And I see the wonderful news that people aren't going to look the other way when it comes to sexual predators with so many powerful and disgusting individuals outed and ousted; the election of Doug Jones in Alabama is just the icing on the cake for that one (I would not have voted for him because of his stances on abortion -- I'd have gone write-in -- but I'd rather have him than that other fellow... dodged a bullet there).

And yes, there was bad news in the world. See my first paragraph. But the thing is, don't let the bad news dominate. Bad news and thinking the worst of the world is a poison for the soul that will keep you from seeing the good.

I know not everyone is as blessed as I am in my personal life. I hope that you are able to see the blessings you do have and be thankful for them.

I hope in 2018 to enjoy more outings with my family and to give Angie many new firsts. She'll start Kindergarten in September!

I hope in 2018 that my wife will find some customers and help them find a new home and/or sell their current home.

I hope in 2018 that I'll be able to get back to the gym and bike trails and lose some weight (gained 10 pounds in the last six months and don't fit any of my collared shirts anymore, too tight in the neck).

I hope in 2018 that I'll be able to write some new stories and music.

I hope in 2018 to get a new pair of glasses.

I hope in 2018 for more good news around the world and that the tax reform starts doings what I believe it will do.

I know in 2018 there will be some disappointments. I know in 2018 there will be some setbacks. I know in 2018 there will be reasons for tears and even for anger. I know in 2018 there are going to be some head-smacks.

2018 is a new year. But it is one we have been given to live. Be better than you were before and so too will 2018. Look for the beauty and you will find it. Look for hope and it is there. Trust not in princes. Life is short; do not waste it on the bad.

And now... 2018 is here! Happy New Year to all!

Dominus vobiscum

Merry Christmas everyone!

I hope each of you is able to give of yourself as gift to make somebody you love very happy today.

In a little over an hour I expect my daughter (who turns 5 in a few days) will be up and then it'll be time to unwrap the presents! She's going to be so thrilled by everything and will want to play with it all right away. Especially the children's archery set my sister got her. Ah man that's going to be fantastic!

I'm hoping to post a handful of arts and pictures in the next couple of days. And I also hope to post some thoughts on 2017 and hopes for 2018 before I head back to work. We shall see....

Dominus vobiscum

I turned 41 today. I marvel at my age because it always seemed to me that to be 41 was to be quite up there in age. At the same time I know I'm older and I'm glad of it. I have a four-year old daughter and I enjoy being her Daddy and would not trade it for anything. I do sometimes look back at what I was able to do in my twenties and wish I could reclaim some of that. But at the same time I shake my head at how much of a moron I was back then and how much more I truly had to learn.

I know one of the things I'm going to have to do in the coming months is de-clutter my life some. There are too many demands on my time and I need to clean out those that are not as important. I've already reached a point where I'm almost never online to chat anymore (something else I miss but can do little about), and I fear I will have to draw back more than I would like. I cannot do everything, and those things I need to do are with my family. No, I'm not leaving FA, but I expect I will have to cut back on comments and the like.

I look over my birthday journal from last year and I shake my head. I wanted to do more writing and more reading and I've only manage a little of either. I still hope I can turn that around but I'm not confidant. Angie is growing up and I need to teach her and be there for her. Most of my reading is in books to her. We've been doing a lot of Beatrix Potter this year (she recognizes Peter Rabbit, Jeremy Fisher, Tom Kitten, Jemima Puddleduck, Tom Thumb, and Hunca Munca) and I hope to add some Dr. Seuss too.

I have already survived Cancer. I have white hairs in my beard (I truly am a greymuzzle). I have had to put two dogs to sleep. I've been to the Rockies, Mt. Rushmore, Devil's Tower, Bar Harbor, Disney World, Big Bend Texas, and the CN Tower of Toronto. I have ridden a horse through the desert. I have navigated class V white water rapids. I have climbed mountains. I have seen geysers. I have gone skinny-dipping. I've swum in mountain lakes. I have had snowball fights in the Summer. I have fawned and marveled over dozens of Museums. I have traveled from the East Cost to the West Coast of the United States in a VW Camper. I have built sandcastles. I have enjoyed roller coasters. I have been to the Symphony Orchestra. I have played in a Band. I played piano at both my sister's and my brother's wedding. I was in Space Academy twice. I have a PhD in Mathematics. I love my job. I was fired from one of my jobs and nearly fired from a second. I have voted in every election I was eligible. I have marched in twelve fursuit parades, eleven with my Rat suit. I have short stories published in furry anthologies. I went fishing with my Dad every year as a kid. I have flipped a canoe and a kayak while I was in it. I rode a kayak on the ocean waves. I have been to the top of a lighthouse. I've seen Whales in the Ocean. I've been stung by jellyfish. I've had Poison Oak and Poison Ivy more times than I want to remember. I have seen a total Solar Eclipse. I have a wife of seventeen years and a beautiful daughter who loves me and wants to spend every moment playing with me. I have loving parents who taught me to love learning and to love this world. I have three brothers and one sister who have always been friends as well as family and with whom I shared so much of my life and whom I wish to spend more. I have been called to the Catholic Church by its beauty, history, and truth. I have spent hours in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament and shed tears in sorrow and in loving gratitude. I have been blessed beyond count and I could go on for hours with all that I have received in my 41 years here on this Earth.

I feel as if I have only given a tiny morsel for all I have received. I can never give enough and must not let that discourage me. The tiny sacrifices of each day, the quiet moments that I could never herald will speak more voluminously on my last day then all the vistas and wonders there is to behold. I can only express my gratitude and thanks for the blessings I've received. I am also grateful that I have had the joy of sharing them with many of you over the years. I hope that each of you receives blessings without count and that on your next birthday you run out of time to recall them all!

Dominus vobiscum

When I was younger I used to love to discuss politics. I enjoyed debates over tax rates, economic growth, abortion, military intervention, the death penalty, mandatory minimums, etc.... I no longer enjoy them and am trying to avoid getting into them. Politics has become so polarized that any act of disagreement can enrage otherwise good people and make them do things they ought to regret. I know that in the last ten years I have seen at least three friendships destroyed because of politics and one other has been injured because of it; I am not innocent nor am I solely responsible. I hope that there will be no more losses, but I am not confidant given the state of things in this country.

I just read this article and found it very informative and helped settle my thoughts on the matter. I recommend every one read it too even if only for its historical perspective: https://americanaffairsjournal.org/.....ond-civil-war/

Damon Linker has an article also worth reading though it will not cheer you: http://theweek.com/articles/720428/.....uch-much-worse

Also, while visiting with friends this last week, one of them who is older than me expressed their belief that we were headed back to the violence of the late 60's early 70's in this country. If so I fear it will be worse because of the division in our country. I feel like we are all stuck in the Prisoner's Dilemma and we just keep voting to kill the other guy; why should anybody reach across to do the right thing anymore?

I've noted before that one of the things I appreciate about the furry fandom is that we are here not because of our politics but because of our love for anthropomorphism. Similarly, one thing I observed with great hope was the Eclipse and the reactions toward it. The news channels featured NASA scientists describing what was going to come, and people all over the country coming together to brave the traffic jams to witness something rare and amazing. For one day we were able to see past our differences to marvel together. It was amazing. It was a joyful reminder that not everything in life needs to be about politics and that we can unite and can treat each other as fellow human beings.

It may only be a glimmer of hope, but it is hope nonetheless. Not everything in life is political. Much isn't and we should stop making it so.

As for myself, I will do my utmost to remember that not everyone who disagrees with me on an issue is on the side of those who will have embraced violence as their means, nor are they somebody who is going to disagree with me on every issue. Today's opponent may be tomorrow's ally. Finding common ground and compromising for the good of our country is essential if we are going to heal the wounds in our country. And most importatly, treat everyone as a human/furry first and remember just because they disagree with you doesn't make them immoral or evil.

I just hope that my own stupidity won't cost me any more friends.

Dominus vobiscum

My family and I are home safe and sound from Tennessee where we watched the Total Solar Eclipse. It was fantastic. I have never seen one before and I was hooting and hollering like an idiot when it occurred. So amazing, so beautiful, so fantastic! I have no words to convey the beauty and the excitement and the majestic power that combined in that one moment when sunset stretched along the entire horizon and there was a luminous hole in the sky. Just Wow! The next Solar Eclipse to hit the US will be in April 2024 so if you missed this one there's a chance you can catch the next one (and you should).

We saw the Eclipse with a bunch of fellow Transformation writers and fans as we held the annual TSA Bash at the same time. It was a ton of fun and I'm glad we went. Thanks to everyone who was there and I sure did miss everyone who wasn't. Now to try and get caught back up on everything...

Dominus vobiscum

My Anthrocon began on Tuesday when I picked  LurkingWolf up from the airport. It was already evening, so we just talked a good bit on the way back, had dinner, and did not much more than that. Wednesday Lurking, my daughter and I did a couple chores before going to the Farm/Park nearby so Angie could have some fun seeing all the farm animals. It was a relaxing couple of hours which we all enjoyed before we headed back home. We played a few games as we just took it easy. We grilled some hot dogs and enjoyed a nice dinner outside before Narwhal and his wife Sasha arrived. They dropped off some of their stuff then went out to meet another friend for dinner. When they got back, and after Angie went to bed, we played a round of Betrayal at the House on a Hill which was a first for Narwhal and Sasha. We all had a good time.

Thursday began slowly. We took our time getting ready, but left after a brief lunch. Angie wanted to come and cried a bit when I told her she had to stay with Mommy. We made it without any trouble and then discovered that they'd merged all the pre-registration lines into a single line that snaked throughout that wing of the convention center. It took about an hour to get through, but I chatted with  Soba for most of it and that made the time go by pretty quick. We told each other our crazy medical stories and that's always fun and frightening (both of us are in good shape at least).

After getting our reg badges, we met up with  JacktheLizard and  Rimme; sadly there was an issue with Rimme's pre-reg so he had to go wait in the on-site registration line. We wandered about for a while and found the Zoo area where we proceeded to play a few games that Jack brought, including Ghost Stories, Room Party, and some other game whose name escapes me. We had to frequently bend the rules in Ghost Stories to survive the game as that game just hates it players and wants them to die as fast as possible. Room Party was fun as always and I ended up with all but two of the fursuiters at my party (which occasioned a sketch from Narwhal I'll post soon). The third game was a city building game that was both cooperative and competitive at the same time; it seemed fun, but I'd have to play it a few more times to figure it out.

By then Rimme was done with reg and so we wnadered a bit before going to get something to eat; the line at Furnando's was really short so we ate there; I actually got the souvenir dog-bowl, though I've no idea what I'll do with it. We then went our separate ways. I headed over to meet with  Herr-Wozzeck who was having a room party in which there would be wine tasting and a live recital of some String Trios. Wozzeck plays Viola; I didn't know the other instrumentalists. I did not participate in the wine tasting, but chatted with Wozzeck a good bit about music we love and what we've been up to. When the performance time came they did a Schubert String Trio which was very lovely (I didn't catch which one) and then started to play Gideon Klein's String Trio, which was the last thing he wrote before being sent to Auschwitz. I had to leave and head home before they finished, but I did check it out on Youtube later (and now you can too):



Friday began early. We got into the line for the Dealer's Den at 8:30 and proceeded to play three games of Betrayal at the House on the Hill and followed it up by starting a game of Pandemic Iberia; we ran out of time and had to pack it up with a promise to play again later. I managed to snag the slots I wanted, chatted with my artist friends, grabbed a hot dog combo from the Dealer's Den eatery, and then got into suit for my Rodents! panel. The panel went well, with more fursuiters then we've ever had before. After everyone introduced themselves we went through the usual gamut of topics like keeping rodents as pets, the movies, cartoons, and books we loved, and various stories of how we ended up being rodents. Everyone had a good time, even if, as usual with panels, I had to work to get most folks to talk.

Afterward I got back out of suit, chatted with some friends in the Dealer's Den, and then head back to the same room to catch the Transformation panel. The room was packed for it and a good number participated. I enjoyed the panel and think  ArrowQuivershaft did a fantastic job running it. We went out for dinner afterward at some pizza joint (I don't recall the name). It was packed there and we had an hour wait for our table, but that was okay because Jack, Rimme and Noir had to go back to their rooms first and it took them that long to get back. When we finished we called it a day (it was already past nine).

After getting back to my place we watched videos of Ray Stevens, Weird Al, and some guy I'd never heard of name Tim Hawkins. We laughed quite a lot and ended up getting to sleep way later than I had intended. But it was a fun day so it's okay.

Saturday afforded us a little time before we headed back to the con. Angie woke me up a little before seven and wanted to play with me. We played with some of her stuffed animals and my iPad for a while until it was time to make sure everyone was up. We arrived a little after ten and after checking on the status of my sketches we arranged our roomies sketch with  hbruton. Narwhal's friend Duff, who we'd been picking up and dropping off along the way, joined in the sketch; carpool buddy so I guess it counts! I then had to eat some lunch as I was starting to feel really exhausted. It helped some, but I still left the Dealer's Den and found a quiet spot to sit against the wall for about an hour; I even zonked out for a couple five-minute intervals. I slowly was able to rouse myself and felt energized enough to do the fursuit parade.

I met up with Lurking and Narwhal a little before one; Narwhal had his fursuit bag in my box; we gave him that and the Lurking helped me into my suit and the escorted me to suiter assembly. There I met up with  catmonkshiro and some of his friends as well as Narwhal. We gabbed for a while about furry stuff, I don't even remember what anymore, had the picture taken, and gabbed for another twenty minutes or so before we finally joined the parade. The parade was a blast with lots of energy from folks inside, and even more from all of the public that came to see us outside in the sweltering, sultry summer day! I high-fived and fist bumped kids, squeaked and jumped when somebody called me a Rat, waved for all the cameras, and in general cavorted like the happy, excitable Rat I am. The trip back into the Dealer's Den went well and I was especially exuberrant for my artist friends. I decided not to do the Meet and Greet but stuck with Shiro and Narwhal and went back into Hall A to get some water and recover.

Shiro decided to go give his wife a sweaty hug while Narwhal and I went to get fursuiter badges. We met up with Lurking, Jack, and Rimme in line (Rimme was wearing his awesome new kangaroo suit). The line didn't quite reach the elevators and moved fast enough that we got to see Shiro give his wife a sweaty hug down in the Dealer's Den. I confess I was particularly excited to see it and it looks like both of them enjoyed it! The whole time we waited I had an inch on my forehead; but I preserved the magic and toughed it out and was rewarded with badge number 1423 (last year I was 1443... hmm....)

After getting back out of suit we put my box back in Narwhal's car since I wasn't going to use it on Sunday. I went to the PA Furry Meet and Greet and met up with  Lukaryo and  Gearhead and we chatted about how we were doing. Another fur came whose name I've forgotten and he and Lukaryo recounted some of their scouting stories, including the amazing coincidence that both of them were at the same concert back in 2010 or thereabouts. I listened with much pleasure.

Once the panel was over I discovered that none of my friends were about so I decided to pop into the table-top gaming room to look around. I noticed a new game getting a demo called "Rabbit Island" (http://www.playihg.com/). I sat down for a quick demo and enjoyed it, when a few others wanted to play. Next thing I knew I was in for a full game which I came very close to winning. Definitely a lot of fun; go and support them on Kickstarter! Halfway through the game Lurking, Jack, and Rimme found me and settled in to play some games of their own. I joined them for a game of Pandemic: Iberia after Rabbit Island was done. We won by the skin of our incisors; one more turn and we would have lost. It was that close. And fun too, I'm so glad we had a chance to play out a full game.

By that point it was almost nine o'clock and neither I nor Lurking had eaten since lunch-time. Both of us wanted to get in a game of Lupus in Tabula which was starting at nine so we headed on over there and were just in time. Jack and Rimme joined us in a game that featured twenty-three people. There were three werewolves, a seer, the medium, the body guard, three masons, the owl, the werehamster, the possessed, and a mythomaniac. I ended up with the mythomaniac and on the night I got to pick somebody I picked one of the werewolves so I got to be a werewolf too. Jack was the owl and on three separate occassions picked me to defend myself in the second voting round; I never received a single vote to lynch which really surprised me; I thought for sure I was dead the third time it happened. There was some great drama with one round featuring two of the masons defending themselves. Only a handful of people (including two of the other werewolves) voted to lynch them; I knew it was a really bad idea to vote to lynch in that case, and a few rounds later I stood accussed along with one of those two werewolves; I threw him under the bus and he kinda knew I had to. He was the only werewolf that was lynched; we left the other two masons alive but were lucky in that the werehamster, the body guard, and the seer had been eliminated in the first two rounds. Almost two hours after the game begun the werewolves emerged victorius.

I had originally intended that once Lurking and I were eliminated we'd head on home. Instead I lasted the whole game and won it. Gah! Narwhal and his wife had watched the last half of it, and so we headed home right away. Lurking was starving and so we stopped at a Sheetz on the way; I grabbed some Beef Jerky and a brownie while I was there just to have something, but I wasn't really hungry at all. One of the workers there asked us if we were from Anthrocon and admitted that's where he'd be if he didn't have to work; more furries in my home, woohoo! When we got back home they all at their food while I headed straight to bed.

Angie woke me up on Sunday morning again and after a little play I got cleaned up and took her to Mass that morning. My priest is retiring effective this week so I thought it would be the last time we might ever see him (he'll actually be there again this coming week due to some schedule conflicts our new priest has). After Mass I changed into con-friendly clothes and Angie and I drove on over to the convention center; Narwhal, Sasha, and Lurking drove there on their own while we were at Mass. Ironically, they missed the turn and we ended up parking before they did. Angie was a little uncertain at first when we got there, but she wanted to hug every suiter she saw (she said they were in costume). She didn't say a whole lot at first, just looked at them and smiled (when not hugging them). I took her around the Dealer's Den so I could pick up my new con badge by  tidmatiger and my other sketches by  darknatasha,  caribou and  michele_light. The artists were all delighted to meet Angie, but naturally she didn't hang around to see them, she rushed off to see all the suiters! The most memorable for her was the fursuit of Gideon Grey who gave her a donut! She kept asking me why Gideon Grey didn't give her pie instead.

We left the convention center to get lunch with Jack, Rimme, Lurking, Narwhal, and Sasha. We ended up hitting an Arby's because the place they originally picked was closed on Sunday. An old lady asked us if we were furries, and then confessed she loved the suiters and how good they were for the kids. Pittsburgh really loves us!

After lunch Narwhal and Sasha had to say goodbye. We walked back to the convention space together and then parted ways. They have made it home safe and it was a real pleasure to host them. Jack and Rimme left to help Rimme get into suit while Lurking helped me mind Angie as we went back through the Westin. It didn't take too long to get through the Westin to the convention center, even with Angie trying to hug every fursuit she saw, but once in the convention space our speed slowed to a crawl. We managed to get up to the fourth floor on the zoo side and there Angie started getting really good at getting the attention of fursuiters, shouting, "Down here!" when she got close. Several of them played with her for a few minutes, two of them even picking her up, and another pair dancing with her. I could tell they were trying to get some pictures done for themselves so I hurried Angie out onto the roof. The sights from the roof interested her for about a minute or two before we re-entered the convention center on the other side of the fourth floor.

It was there that Angie finally met a suiter who was willing to really play with her. The suiter was a goat with hard hoof-hands and big hooves for feet. He pretended to stomp her feet with his hooves for a bit, and they spun around each other a bunch until both fell down. After about twenty minutes of her boundless energy he had nothing left so I got Angie away from him and led her further down the hall. There wasn't much there so we went back down to the third floor. I was hoping to get her back to the Dealer's Den so we could find some keepsake for her (other than the freebies she'd already gotten for being so cute). It took us almost three hours to get there as she first played with a tiger suiter for almost as long as the goat, and then played with a dog and his beach ball. She even received a complimentary fursuiter badge which she didn't want to take off even while tumbling later. We eventually crossed the walkway between Hall A and B without too much delay and then she wanted to see the balcony and river.

There was a cat fursuiter whose name was Rappy that she glommed onto out there. It was his first time suiting so he was happy to play with her. I chatted with  dan_raccoon while she led him around the balcony and then back inside into the empty hallway there on the third floor. Dan had to head off so I started to play chase with them. Angie had Rappy hide around corners with her while I stalked them. After ten or so minutes of this Jack and Rimme arrived with Rimme in his kangaroo suit. Both Rimme and Rappy took turns playing "hide-n-seek" which was just them hiding somewhere together while I made a show of searching them out. After a while it was always behind a little seating bench which had enough room for them all to lay down side by side behind. Whenever I saw them Angie would make a silly scream, and then all three would come get me. Rimme and Rappy would throw fake punches while Angie would actually hit me a little as I collapsed to the ground in defeat. I honestly don't know how long this continued but at some point I realized the Dealer's Den was closing in thirty minutes. I thanked Rappy for playing with her and he admitted he had a blast but was definitely done.

We got down to the Dealer's Den a short while later. Jack gloated that he'd been right it would take us that long to get there and Lurking admitted he had underestimated the time. Angie held Rimme's furry paw and practically dashed all over the Dealer's Den. At one point a guy with a high end camera was chasing them around too. Angie's gonna be famous I suppose! That Rimme was able to keep up with her and did so happily is to his great credit; he really made her day and she will always remember the kangaroo who was her friend at her first Anthrocon. Rimme, I can never thank you enough for that!

When the Dealer's Den closed I announced it was time to head home. Jack poured three bottles of water down Rimme's gullet while I made Angie say goodbye and thank you. She didn't want to go but came with Lurking and Daddy. She played briefly with two other suiters on the way out, even getting to wear somebody's dragon head for a few seconds. She is so going to at least have a tail for next year's Anthrocon. And on the way home, Angie asked me, "Can we go again tomorrow?" I don't know if this means she'll be furry too, but she's definitely loving it now!

After we got back to my place, we chilled with some Chinese take-out and watched "The Great Mouse Detective". After I put Angie to bed Lurking and I were too tired to do anything except watch more Weird Al Yankovic and Bad Lip Reading videos. We both crashed about eleven. Monday morning (today), I actually got to wake Angie up as I usually do on my days off. We all piled into the car to take Lurking to the airport. Angie kept saying she wanted to pet Lurking's dog (he had to get back to pick up his dog from the kennel), but was okay after we dropped him off. He made it home safely and I already miss having him here.

It was a fantastic Anthrocon all around. I was so glad to see many of my friends (including many not named here). I'll never forget this one especially because it was Angie's first. Thank you everyone for being so understanding and the awesome folks that you are! I cannot wait to see you all again next year!

Dominus vobiscum

My I-123 scan was done and they found nothing. I remain Thyroid Cancer free!

No news on my sister, but we won't know more until the end of the month. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Dominus vobiscum

I'm still here! Looking forward to Anthrocon in a few weeks.

I'll be getting a full body scan next week as part of my post-cancer checkups; they'll be giving me some I-123 so I'll be briefly Radioactive Rat again (the half-life is 13 hours so only a couple of days this time).

My older sister now has cancer too, and sadly it is far more serious. She has breast cancer and will almost certainly be undergoing chemotherapy starting sometime this Summer. Please keep her in your prayers that all goes well and she beats it through and through.

Angie is almost four and a half now and has been taking swimming lessons in addition to her Preschool and tumbling/acrobatics classes. She really enjoyed that so we'll be doing it again in the Fall. I've also been taking her out to ride our bikes together on weekends. She really loves that too. So many magical moments being a Father of such a wonderful girl. I'm blessed!

Dominus vobiscum

Thursday

My day started at 4 AM as I did the last minute packing and putting everything into my car. I'd been watching the weather pretty closely because of Stella, but everything was nice in clear in my area so I wasn't too worried anymore. I left my house about five, grabbed a mocha at McDonald's, and drove a couple hours north. The sun was just rising when I reached the home of  Salvestro. We moved all my stuff to his car and then he drove while we chatted about all the forbidden topics, politics, religion, etc... that we wanted to get out of our system before the con. Then we turned to furry stuff such as minotaurs and rats and Metamor Keep and so forth. We did have a little bit of snow to deal with in northern PA, but that was about it. We picked  Fulminar up not long after we crossed the border and then into the heart of downtown Toronto we drove.

We only made one wrong turn along the way, but soon we were at the new hotel, the Westin Harbor Castle. I've never had a valet service before, so that was an interesting experience, but the porters did as promised bring all of our things up to our room. We had a room with a view of the lake and it was definitely worth the extra price. The view was fantastic! After getting all of our gear distributed (and putting on our tails) we headed down to the lobby and convention space to pick up our registration, and then mingle and chat with folks. There were lots of folks who we saw, including our old con chair and dear friend  Pakesh, and the artist trio  hbruton,  sandyschreiber, and  xenotropos who are also regular friends at FE. There were several others but as with any convention you go to for a long time, it becomes impossible to name them all, but I will try to hit the highlights!

We grabbed a bite to eat at Firkin's and stopped in a nearby convenience store in the afternoon, and then in the evening we went to Union station to help our fourth roommate CorvusPointer find his way back to the hotel. I was impressed to learn that the CN Tower is light up by colored lights at night; I wish I had brought my camera with me as it was very beautiful. After getting back to our room we chatted for a while, before our fifth roommate  cobalt_k arrived. Salvestro, Cobalt, and I played a game of Betrayal at the House on the Hill which ended abruptly as we triggered the haunt early and while it was an interesting setup, the survivor's instructions were misleading and told us we could do things which didn't really help us win, so we wasted most of our actions until the giant squirrels came and ate us. By that point we all agreed it had been a very long day and decided to get some sleep.

Friday

I was up early as I can never sleep in anymore, and after a shower and I went down to the lobby space, grabbed a mocha, and relaxed for a bit chatting with other furs who were also up and looking through the con book to see if there was anything I wanted to do. I mostly remember just bumping into people that morning and not much more, such as  EikoFinal,  Alganbord, and  Kokuei. As a Super Sponsor I was allowed half-hour early access to the Dealer's Den and I took advantage of it scoring sketch slots from Heather, Sandy, and Xeno, before talking to  LikeShine and getting a slot from her too. I then made my rounds being sure to chat with good friends  CatMonkShiro,  Nyomi, Lyosha, and  SpiderDragon. I was so very happy to see Shiro and MothMonarch's (formerly Nyomi) wedding album; I had been unable to attend due to conflicts and I am very sorry I missed it; the photos looked gorgeous and I cannot express how happy I am that they have found happiness together in marriage.

After scouting out the dealer's den I got into my fursuit and with Salvestro as my handler, went down to the harbor to get some pictures. It was a cold day which made it perfect for suiting as I was very comfortable the entire time. There were a few other suiters out there as well as some other people who were at turns impressed and uncertain about us. I was delighted by the setting and was very happy to see some sea gulls there (can't say why I find them fascinating but I do). Afterwards we went back inside and I roamed around in suit for a bit.

When I was finished suiting I headed to the combo Zoo, Artist's Alley, and Gaming Room. I played something called 'The Game' with another fur (whose name I forgot to snag) and then went out to Firkin's for dinner with Salvestro. The evening was more mingling before retiring to our room for another round of 'Betrayal' with Cobalt and Salvestro. This time we tried to explore as much of the house as possible before triggering the haunt; we were going to reroll haunt checks if we triggered it early. It turns out we didn't need to worry as we had a huge house before we finally triggered the haunt on the seventh check. I was so pleased because I was the traitor in a haunt I'd long wanted to try -- the werewolf haunt! I was now a werewolf and proceeded to turn Salvestro's character into a werewolf with one bite (he failed his check the next day) and then we all hunted Cobalt down and ate him! What a glorious game!

We settled down after that and soon the first full day of the con came to a close.

Saturday

Again I was up early, but I did my best not to wake anybody as I prayed my Rosary while watching the cloudy sky over the lake from my window. I grabbed another mocha from the hotel lobby and just hung out most of the morning chatting with any fur I knew. When the convention space opened up I checked out the sketches I'd gotten, handed my book off to SpiderDragon and continued on. I had the Super Sponsor luncheon at 11 and I sat with Fulminar,  Soba,  Leo.The.Ninja.Lion and some other furs whose names I forget. The food was typical of a hotel buffet but it was filling and I enjoyed it. The conversation was good, and mostly about previous conventions everybody remembered.

I did a little bit of checking on things to make sure I knew what I was supposed to do for the fursuit parade before getting into suit and heading to the gathering room. Fulminar and I went together, and we found Alganbord, Shiro, and  Dan_Raccoon without too much trouble. Once we started getting a crowd and they kept talkigna bout wanting to take the picture, one of the staff told Shiro he had to go to the back because he was too tall (despite somebody just as tall standing in front of me being ignored, or both Fulminar and Alganbord who are about as tall as Shiro when in suit), and then they kept trying to get us all to take one or two steps backward. While giving us the instructions one of the DJs was playing some music so it made it hard to hear the instructions. And the one fur who was as tall as Shiro kept managing to get between me and the cameraman. It took almost a half-hour to get the picture taken, and when they did I was able to get in view of the camera at least.

The parade also had problems. They'd left the escalators running so at the top we had a traffic jam of fursuiters piled up with no idea where to go. There was supposed to be a short line that went to the Dealer's Den only, but only nobody knew to take it as the staff at the top of the escalators kept trying to get everybody to go down the skywalk. Naturally I was grooving in my suit and being as photogenic and video-friendly as I could be. Since the theme was rock music I even started pretending to play guitar on my tail. I don't think our fellow furries knew where we were supposed to go because the path we took was practically empty once we crossed the skywalk. We suiters started entertaining each other in line because of it. It wasn't a bad parade route, it's just nobody seemed to know it! When we got back across the skywalk we found all the furries waiting in the Zoo and Dealer's Den and that was good and fun even if most furs were tired by then. I always seem to get more energized by the parade and so continued my antics. When we got back to the staging area I found Shiro who was pissed at the way staff had moved him around and I hung with him for a while to comfort and be a friend. After he finally decided to head back and get a shower to cool off, I got my head back on to do a little more cavorting before I too put my suit away for the day.

After the Dealer's Den closed Salvestro and I joined Cobalt at the impromptu TF Art Jam. I wrote the letters "TF" on the top of my page and held it up declaring, "I've drawn TF!". There were some chuckles. There were several good folks there I would have loved to have chatted with more, but Salvestro and I had to head off at seven to meet with Fulminar for dinner. He promised to take us to the Old Spaghetti Factory which was a tradition of the Toronto furs. We caught a cab there because it was just a little too cold to walk, though it wasn't really that far. The interior was done entirely in salvaged stained-glass and other odds and ends, including an old elevator booth, carousel parts, a bank safe, and so forth. I was thoroughly impressed and really hope I can bring my family there some time. The meal was fantastic too and so I heartily recommend this place to anybody visiting Toronto.

When we got back I went to the game room again and played some rounds of this DC Heroes based card builder game with a few other furs (whose names I never got); fantastic game, though it seems to me the Green Lantern's power is a little unbalanced (I played him and won both games, though it was not the stomping everybody thought). After that Cobalt invited me to play this Seven Samurai game. We were supposed to be defending this village from raiders, and if we took two hits, our characters would transform into the spirit-animal infused forms (furry TF, YAY). Only during the second round, before any of us could TF, the village was completely overrun by the raiders and we lost (no TF, BOO!). Fun game, and the furry forms looked awesome; hopefully we can try it again.

It was a little late to do a room game of Betrayal, so we all just crashed with day two come to a close.

Sunday

Salvestro and I woke early and went to St. Michael's Cathedral for Sunday Mass. Absolutely beautiful church there and one I would love to go back to. Also a very good homily that reminded my there are more important things in life than constantly chasing after things. Being a Rat I do have a problem with always trying to get more things. Maybe I'm not as bad as 'Shinies!' but I know it is something I need to work on.

Anyway, after Mass we walked back to the hotel and I grabbed another mocha before we headed over to the Dealer's Den to check on stuff. Leo wanted to get a joint picture of me from Shiro and I happily agreed and so we got that started. I then went and attended the mustelid panel run by  Mad_ferret (he always comes to my rodents panel so I go in a show of solidarity). It was a fun panel with a little bit of competition between the otters and the slinkies and made for a nice relaxing almost hour. Afterwards I got back into suit and did the photoshoot with Alganbord letting the photographer pose us in some dramatic action poses; I do look forward to seeing how they turn out. I then made sure to wander the convention space in my suit for a little while before putting it away for good for the con. I only ever seem to be able to suit once a day at these things.

I made sure to attend the Furnal Equinox Feedback panel as well; it gave us a chance to let the con chair know how we thought it went. I made sure to tell him I had been to every FE and reminded him I had expressed reversations last year after the move to a new location was announced; then I informed him I was very pleased with the new location, had a great time, and look forward to coming back and seeing the con continue to grow. I let him know about the issues with the Fursuit Parade, and others chimed in about it. There were some other complaints involving hotel staff, lack of programming, and so forth, but I think most of them can be chalked up to growing pains with a new location. Some speculate that there is not good enough communication between staff and that might be true, but when everyone is fundamentally a volunteer there's always going to be some of that. I hope that they can at least resolve some of the issues they had so FE 2018 goes more smoothly.

My last run through the Dealer's Den was, as always, a bit about saying good bye to my artist friends. I made sure to buy a little plush snake for Angie (she thinks snakes are awesome and has been asking us to get her one; my wife's only rule is not a big one and never a real one), and then my friend SpiderDragon surprised me by gifting me with a print of hers I had been oogling all con. It's this picture: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18661978/ I am not quite sure why I love this one, I've never played the game behind it, but it just called out to me with its awesomeness. I'm not sure where I'm going to end up displaying this but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

Once the Dealer's Den closed I ended up back in my room to rest for a bit. Cobalt came not long after and we chatted for a while. Then we went down to the hotel lobby for the annual trip to Mandarin's that Shiro always organizes. We all made sure to save some change for the subway ride; it was pretty painless and the first time I'd been in a subway in a very long time. Mandarin's was fantastic and I stuffed myself with about four plates this time. When we got back we all did a round of goodbyes just in case we didn't see each other again. Shiro wanted to get a game of Werewolf going somewhere, but by the time he sent out the annoucement my room was all too tired, so we just did another round of Betrayal;  Seadog_driftwood had come up with us to listen to some of my music and stuck around for the game; he had a blast exploring the house, but it was Cobalt who ended up winning in the end (I got killed this time, oh well!) With our game done we all called it a night.

Monday

I packed all of my things after getting up and then I went and paid the hotel bill. Since Corvuspointer hadn't returned to the room that night I made sure he'd still be able to get into the room until well after we'd be gone (I tried calling and texting but he was asleep at the time). Fulminar, Salvestro, Cobalt and I then went to the diner across the street from the hotel to get some breakfast. We saw a few other furs there, but at this point we'd all really said our goodbyes. The food at the diner was excellent and pretty cheap; I think we'll be hitting this place up again a few times next year!

On the way back into the hotel we grabbed a luggage cart and then loaded it all up. We did one last sweep of the room and then headed down to get our cars back. While waiting to get our car Corvuspointer messaged me to let me know he'd been sleeping in the room next door and didn't want to wake us. I let him know we enjoyed having him as a roomie and hoped he had a safe trip home and that we'd see him again next year. We then said good bye to Cobalt and said much the same. And then we hit the road, dropped Fulminar off at his place, and then back into the States we went. We got to Salvestro's place a little later than I had originally thought, but still in good time. I then made the drive home and got there just after my wife and Angie had picked up some Chinese take-out. I gave them both big hugs and happily dug in.

What a great convention and I'm so happy I was able to go. I look forward to next year and hopefully this time I won't forget to set up a Rodents! panel again! To everyone I saw there, I wish you all the best and hope to see you again at FE 2018!

Dominus vobiscum

I am home safe and sound. Furnal Equinox was a blast and I will try to post a report sometime soon. For now it was so great to see my many FE friends and to make several new ones!

Dominus tecum

I'm just doing my final packing before I get in my car and start driving. Time to go to Furnal Equinox 2017! I hope everyone going has a safe journey and a great time! I'll be picking up  Salvestro and  Fulminar along the way, and rooming with them and  cobalt_k and  corvuspointer. I look forward to seeing many more friends there!

Dominus vobiscum

So 2016 is almost over and a new year is upon us.

I've seen a few journals of folks who were very upset about 2016 and all that happened. I admit, there were many things worthy of lamenting. I know the recent loss of Carrie Fisher stunned and saddened me - Star Wars was my first movie and I cannot count the number of times I watched the trilogy with my brothers. But for me, I look back and see a year that started in uncertainty and fear and is ending with many good memories to cherish.

2016 is the year I became a Cancer Survivor (and radioactive rat).

2016 is the year my family took our first real vacation for just ourselves.

2016 is the year my wife's mother and sister were able to move close by so my daughter now has her Grammy in her life.

2016 is the year we got Zootopia and Rogue One.

2016 is the year I turned 40.

2016 is the year I rediscovered the joy of riding my bike and began teaching my daughter to do the same.

2016 is a year of many good memories with family and friends. It was filled with ups and downs. It had many partings and goodbyes, but much to commend it with. Each parting reminded us why they hurt so much and what these people meant to us. Each disappointment reminded us of what matters to us. Each success reminded us that our hard work, our hopes, and our prayers are seen, heard, and answered.

I for one am grateful for 2016 and look forward to what 2017 brings.

Thank you, 2016. And welcome 2017!

Dominus vobiscum

I confess I did not see that coming. Nor did a lot of folks. I had been preparing myself for a return of the Clinton's to the White House and the loss of several good men and women from Congress who I supported; I had no intention of watching returns that would only make me depressed. No matter how many scandals she was part of, no more how much corruption she engaged in, no matter how she had sold out the United States for cash and power, no matter how much she insulted common people, no matter how much revealed emails showed the elitist contempt for the common people and their willingness to apply a different set of rules for themselves, there seemed to be a majority of the country and states poised to vote for her because they were afraid of Donald Trump. Well, the polls, the prognosticators, and everybody else was wrong. Donald Trump is going to be the President of the United States.

I confess I imagine that this would be a fantastic moment in a remake of Back to the Future. Marty McMfly goes back in time from 2020 to 1990; Doc Brown asks him who the President is in 2020 and Marty replies, "Donald Trump." And Doc says, "Donald Trump! Who's Vice President? Don King?!?"

I remember Trump as the real-estate/media guy back in 1990 who was surrounded by glamor and, I confess, a hint of working class based on the kind of venues he seemed to show up in. I remember him as a guy who ran The Apprentice and helped make "reality TV" popular. I thought he was a gadfly and never paid much attention to him. Now we all will pay attention.

While it looks like Clinton won the popular vote thanks to huge victories in places like California and New York, Trump's narrow wins in places like Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, gave him the Electoral College (the last time those states voted for a Republican, the Back to the Future trilogy was still being filmed). Trump was more broadly acceptable to more parts of the country than Clinton was, and that is the lesson of the Electoral College.

So now what? President Obama has set the right tone and emphasized that the beauty of our country is the peaceful transfer of power and the respect of our democratic institutions. Why should Obama be happy with the results? Trump wants to undo almost everything Obama accomplished. But Obama is a bigger man and loves American democracy more than he loves winning. For that act of character I salute our President.

There is a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth going on right now, a lot of it here in the furry fandom. I've seen journals ranging from the despondent and resigned, to the angry and scare-mongering. I've seen people post "F-U" to Trump voters; I've seen people claim that Trump will make Gay Marriage illegal (an utterly unfounded fear for several reasons); I've seen barely any here who could muster the class of President Obama or Hillary Clinton in saying they would give Trump a chance to be President.

I've seen only two folks post journals engaging in schadenfreude, gloating about feasting on the tears of liberals or some such. One of them was from Easter Europe too; not sure if that says anything or not. I don't get it; I've been on the losing end of elections for a long time; I know the bitter disappointment. I know the fear. I was afraid of what both Bush and Obama would do and in both cases I was roundly derided first by the Right and then by the Left for those fears. I was wrong about some of my fears, but others were well-founded; even those were not wholly realized, though in some instances that was because other parts of government kept them in check.

So here's the reality check for everybody afraid right now. Trump will get one nominee to the Supreme Court replacing a 'conservative' with a 'conservative'. No change in the balance of the Supreme Court; the same balance that made gay marriage legal in this country. He has small majorities in Congress and has fueded with Speaker Ryan. Will he undo a lot of what Obama accomplished? Anything Obama did with an Executive Order is fair game and could be gone by Jan 21. Health Care passed through Congress and will be a much taller order. So on the domestic front, any losses here can be laid at the feet of Obama using an executive overreach that liberals derided when Bush did something similar. So are there some things liberals can be afraid of? Of course! But not the cataclysms currently being bandied about.

On the international front I have no idea what will happen. I'm not convinced Trump is the right man for this role and he will need to prove himself to me; but I'm going to give him that chance now that he is going to be our President. That is one area where I think it justified to be nervous.

Silver lining for liberals: you are finally rid of the Clintons. They controlled the apparatus of the Democratic Party to shut out your voices so that Hillary could be coronated. Yes, you will be out of power for a few years, but it will give you a chance to rediscover your roots and determine who you are. You no longer need be saddled by the Clintons and the corruption that flows from them. You lost this election because your candidate and your elites spat on common people and the working poor who were once the backbone of the Democratic party. You assumed anybody who didn't agree with you on the social justice issues that titilated you was a bigot of some sort; you are wrong and will continue to drive such people away from you with that attitude. You have been shown this in losing the Rust Belt. Now you have a chance to learn from it.

America survived eight years of Bush and eight years of Obama. It can survive four to eight years of Trump. We will still have furry artwork four years from now to admire and hang on our walls. We will still have conventions, fursuit parades, and free space to voice our opinions. But we all need to grow up a little and show the good grace to love our country and the people who share it with us even when it has leaders we do not like.

Still... President Donald Trump... I feel like Doc Brown. I really do! The next four years are going to be very interesting!

Dominus vobiscum