so the issue i had with how i'd entered my email back in 2023 has been solved, apparently back in like april of last year- i just don't have NEARLY enough actual emails to remember to check the dang thing. gosh i miss causal emailing. so just now i am realizing i can log into that account. that account which is snepperstepping.bsky.social.

and i'm not gonna pop this one like twitter and mastodon i swear, this time i've said all the stuff i want to elsewhere and with more effective outlets than tweeting. i'm not sure what to do with my bluesky, and honestly i think that's a good thing. i like how much i've broken my dopamine addictions, though there's some more work to do with anxious, idle refreshes for any new pics or comments despite knowing the answer is definitely not yet. I want to keep up that healing momentum, and not fall back into the social media pitfalls that i did on the other two famous microblogging platforms.

i'm going to be moody and put everything all like i'm trying to tell you "my love for mcr and black eyeliner isn't a phase mom this is who i am" again, hope that's okay with everyone.

Okay so i know these exist but its all like, "I see you" dark frames and those shutter shades from the vine days that i've seen and I want aviators.

I think I get how to make the frames, but how about the lenses? i know they could be hollow, but i don't want to do that. also, I will want a variant that's tinted pink anyways so knowing how to do the lenses on the clear model will help that out later. Same deal with the sunglasses.

If this is the kind of thing I can make a batch or two of, maybe other styles too, I wouldn't mind selling if anybody wanted a pair.

hey does anybody wanna talk about my dog, i have no idea what he does

gonna just jump in here and say yeah there we go. that's the clarity we were looking for. we clearly want the same thing. thank you for putting in the time and effort to get it right. everybody round up your fussy friends and let them know its okay now and they can come back.

to be clear all this stuff is gonna be echoed and not so like, angry when i get around to making the videos talking about it. i'm really upset about all this, like i finally found the place i felt like i belong and all of a sudden it was all different and everything sucks.
regardless of the feelings i harbor inside me, what i want is a way we can all get what we want. i have pointed out making a kid-friendly version of Furry that's separate from us could be feasible (i figure to call it the zootopia fandom, and send the sleepy-majira vr chat vtuber streaming spirit halloween fursuit skibidicrowd over there since these days they're more interested in platforming their lip-syncing friends instead of talented furries who contribute their creativity and passion to this community. a deer has taken over making the stuff that people liked them for anyways. shed the whole consumer-culture nightmare of gaudy hoodies that feel like wearing a plastic grocery bag and ych commissions that give the uncanny vibe they're being mass produced in a sweatshop by people against their will and get back to the actual art and funny animals.

uhhh ugh i guess i have to mention politics because if i don't someone will be like "but what about the important issues plaguing our nation today" and to that i say that's what the humans are for. unlike some people who just cry on twitter, when i go out and have to do human things i am building bridges and mending rifts because when it comes down to it the american people really just want the same thing, and its none of that stuff they say each other wants in anger. anger begets anger and violence begets violence so what kind of idiot are you if you go out there and be part of the problem on "the good side" when the projected kindness you should be spreading is just lost in the dead internet ether. so no, i don't do politics here. this is supposed to be where i catch my breath from my entire existence being made political and connect with people who understand and don't judge or react like an old church lady when they see a kink they aren't into. can you blame me for preferring it here with the chill animals who play hot instead of out there with the lunatics and bigots who can't stop warming the globe with funkopops? don't bring the lunatics and bigots into my home and we have zero problems.


expect a lot of videos going into detail on all this at some point, but don't make me feel like i have to make them because then i just won't to spite those who are demanding it. Still got some Sylvester the donkey in there, despite the pebble's curse being broken- and proud of it.

when are all the stupid loser humans going away? why did we let in all these fleshy chuds into our spaces, these morons who hate joy and self-expression and being anything but a dull loser in a colorless shithole who works a pointless stupid job and lives in a shitty little apartment and all they ever do is stare slackjawed at the keys jangled in front of their face that passes for television in the 2020s. they've done nothing but ruin furry into a generic wasteland they can bring their stupid snot-nosed brats into. why did they want to bring their children into the place where the folks who get abused by humans go to escape? why do they have to shove their stupid annoying goblins that smell like shit into everything, just go away nobody wants to be around your stupid kid. nobody wants these idiots here. get bent, i'm expressing whatever the hell i want no matter how many microagressions against people who can't be bothered to think for themselves the dull losers on twitter want to count up. if you want your brain turned off so badly, i'll have to do the thinking for both of us. and you're getting the fuck on the plane back to germany and the fucking hell out of my saloon with your stupid face thats falling off and you had better not let her know where you're going because i've had enough of you coming in here and trying to take over the life i had before.

as time goes by? as time goes back to how things were before the stupid millennium. you just need to know why the gates exist at all. super sick of having to spell this shit i learned years ago for people because they don't listen to anything unless its sludge from tiktok- they need to wake the fuck up and get used to the fact there's a physical world they have to navigate and pay attention to. and if they let things exist in that world that aren't just efficient or "environment friendly" (whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean about planned obsolescence, mountains of pointless ewaste, lithium mining, mass-production of low-quality disposable bullshit nobody wants, crypto mining, etc etc) they find the fantasy world they create much more fulfilling than being forced to pretend a colorless shithole of a building nobody gave a fuck about designing or building is covered in green speakers or whatever stupid nonsense, or riding around in restrictive, oppressive computer-controlled idiot pods and thinking they're sooooo cool for it. they're just a bunch of hook, line and suckers.

be intolerant of intolerance and these fucking loser humans are the epitome of intolerance. the disgusting fleshy freaks just come in, hate everything about who we are, and flatten it into colorless toxic positivity bullshit. there's already places humans made like that, its called EVERYFUCKINGPLACE ELSE THAT ISN'T FURRY. to hell with them, they're not welcome in my community. they'll never be Furries. i want Furry, not stupid humans wearing shedding carpets. those crappy manufactured halloween costumes are just going to peel apart and there's no way to fix them. either get with the program or get out.

Here's lookin at you,  lorefoxie



i'm not listening to what anybody says on this until the purple dragon lady takes her rightful throne- yeah, told you i know already, buster.

i'm going to be honest with you, no matter how much of this stuff i do idk how to talk about art in the literal what its made of. i'm more interested in chatting like, "omg what if the silly animal did this or that" beforepaw and afterwards telling an inside joke.

i suppose i just wanna get that said so its out there, so like say hi and inquire about silly animal activities and hopefully i'll realize you are the first time this time.

so yeah, lots of dogs standing around, but its time for dogs to go do things, ykwim

where's the select all/swap selection buttons?? staff what the fuck is this


you're not supposed to go to the fun internet until after i get my windows 98 computer and am there already. i haven't received it yet so don't go yet!!!!

JAN 3 EDIT'
oh thank gosh its all back the way it should be. that was fucking weird.

So just to be clear, we have the answer already about what's wrong with me (i need my HRT that's what) and I'm doing this wacko stuff to get to know myself better without mixing everybody else in with me. We'll be back to my regularly scheduled social life as soon as BGLF Does The Thing Like It Do. I'll probably keep this bit up though, I've found myself to be better company like this than sitting quietly lmao.

okay so i see the ads on here a lot and this one pops up for a "furry platformer game" called Steam Drulls. so like, for once i click on an ad on purpose and it goes to the itch.io (i still don't really know what that is) site- its windows only of course but it looks actually really good. i would pick it up if i saw it for gamecube or ps2 (kinda looks like that too, love to see it) just based ln the furry part, but it looks from the screen shots to be the kind of platformer i'd actually enjoy- i saw hints of a few games of those consoles i still like playing no matter how many times i have already.

but yeah, Windows only. if it worked on 7 i could play but here's my huge general complaint: the only way to let the dev know, as they asked, that mac and linux versions are in demand, is to have an account on this thing i don't know what it is. of course i blame social media oversimplification and the gentrification of the internet that there probably isn't even a good place to put an email. its like the case lf the furry wiki where the only way to get in contact seems to be via twitter dms. jfc this paradigm is so stupid. please for the love of gosh just have a contact email even if you only check it once a day or a few times a week- i'll write a journal about that at a later date, though.

but yeah, tangential bitching aside, dev of Steam Drulls if you ever see this yes please on the mac version- also the heart of the grinch who stole the 21st century grew several times larger seeing what you made. hope you have a lovely new year.


based entirely on "i saw this and it looks cool" idk here check it out yourself in case the ad doesn't come around for ya https://dreamcube.itch.io/steam-drulls

i want to destroy all the stuff that refuses to be anything, ugh its so fucking disgusting to look at. god forbid the fucking color looks like anything or the fucking pot metal has any shape or personality in its construction. "just a thing" isn't goddamn good enough. the only way i want it is SPECIFIC to my wants and needs. and don't even get me started on the nasty materials that get used because of insecurity over the already-fake leather seeming "too real". UGH i can't deal with it, i can't latch onto anything to make something out of it like i can with typical actual-minimalism/standard-thing that you can't find in Idiocracy because tiktok culture demands everybody be stupid and nothing mean anything. what a stupid concept for the future- crumple that shit up for the trash. over there in the corner is fine for tiktok, it doesn't deserve any more of a spotlight. i'm not gonna live like a prisoner of the digital sludge and neither should you or anyone else. its time to mock the mustache man- demeaning, belittling and tearing him down until all that from wherever it comes is taken with exactly the amount of dignity it deserves: zero. spraypaint rainbows on his colorless faux-minimalist dump and be excessive/extra/ostentatious/whatever you wanna call it looking nonsense. fuck brands (brand is actually just a slang term for "the company that makes that" but clearly its stopped meaning anything at all because nobody fucking knows what a brand is based on how they use the word so everything that uses it is just garbage now as far as i'm concerned until that settles down) and fuck dollar amounts. life's too short to treat everything like its fucking accounting.


i'm so glad this is finally all crashing down on A, he's such a fucking loser with such bad ideas. i've been rooting for his downfall for years. sure would be nice to have someplace that his entrails don't rain upon though, i'd like to not have that smell in my fur. he's not gonna clonk his head, you're just gonna have to believe he no longer exists.

like sure i'm pretty bitter in all kinds of disappearing knots.

let me give you something that'd be better in 2025 than what i said in the previous journal:
first of all i hope i'm starting the year off with hormones. fursuiting. youtube. prices go down, people finally get it . no more pod cars, people grow out of needing the screens. colorless wasteland goes away, they finally say they restored the furfright hotel to the 1970s photos. y'know, that kind of thing. been stuck inside, need to get back with my cars. new place, new studio. jfc i hope that goddamn floor & decor store goes away, i wanna go to a moonlight madness at AC Moore. i do wonder what the next party store is gonna be called. i think its gonna go back to the more mazey layout of iParty but have a new name that's kinda silly like Marty Party's Grand Bash Emporium. if there's one thing for sure its random bunches of letters are nothing to celebrate. Mouthful names on the other paw? those are hecka fly.
gotta get buying bulk vintage clothes again, but no more of that resale thing. let's find something better than pricewalling. gotta get bulk buying video tapes again, and finding any excuse to keep circulating them asap. a VCR in every home, more than one format in most. just because you have a prime doesn't mean you can't also have a tube tv and vcr. remember to play them though.
speaking of which we learn so much is being made again because actually its surprisingly super easy and efficient to make the old stuff exactly the same and more stuff that's basically indistinguishable from old stuff down to the quirky details and patterns and trends and tech stages for specific use cases. have you ever heard your voice played back from a rim drive reel to reel tape recorder that's running low on battery? it puts the whole 4k thing in perspective, what do we REALLY want out of recording ourselves? i like making an atmosphere and sharing stuff i enjoy. don't need 4k for that, in fact its more work to do that with 4k so why do all that extra work for a less enjoyable project? instead i can focus in the kinds of special effects i'm more interested to include.
yeah, creature costuming too. my parents are going to be fine and it turns out when you let the quirky queer creative kid just do their thing they turn out much better than if you try to force them into a life of "hello how may i help you". fursuits of course but like also i have this stupid idea where 1950s scifi b-movie monster costumes will be very good.

we realize perfection is boring and the real artistic goals are the things we liked about our quirky work along the way. there's already people who do the thing perfectly so let's just have fun BUT ALSO TAKE THE RULES SERIOUSLY BECAUSE GUIDELINES AREN'T A BAD THING OR GATEKEEPING THEY JUST SET THE FIELD OF PLAY PARAMETERS SO EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO like jeez gosh if art is exhausting you, your art car is extremely inefficient and bad at being an art car. turns out those pods are actually a whole lot of burden after all. they sure fuck with me because classics give a bunch of things for my adhd to monitor at the same time with hyperfixation focus all at once. can't look at the road when all that's flying around like nonsense because the pod shields you from all that and monitors it itself. this is why even if you "don't know cars" tou should try to learn something about them since you'll have an internal car no matter what and you should be able to choose what it is and what its like. classic american cars always offer the most customizability in a lot of surprising ways you don't hear about these days, but in ways that a lot of queer, neurodivergent, and disabled people would find extremely useful that computers and screens can't do. so y'know, that's what i need furries to understand. animals can drive now, and even if they still make 1977 pontiac grand prix sj s exactly the same in 2025 as they do in 1977 its the current calendar year anyways. unless you wanna say its a year then yeah hey its 1983 time!


how does it happen? is it really as easy as make the stupid videos? like it can't be right but what if it is????? ugh THINGS THESE DAYS!


YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?? you get the vibe? silly me i guess i just love my gosh darn mom so much i forgot there was stuff later!

what a huge fucking waste of time. worst year yet.
and lemme guess what's gonna happen in the next one: everything will continue to get shittier for no reason while more people die and fuck everything up by doing so followed by another bunch of shitty "historically significant" events nobody wants to live through or remember, all the while people are still stupider than bags of rocks and will continue to do stupid bullshit that will cause their own problems they will later complain about all while nothing actually happens and life gets smaller and smaller, more directed to living only to appease the digital panopticon- all you know is do stupid pointless job, drink bitter bean juice, and post pointless garbage to the automated ego regulator scroll (they're all basically just stupid fucking tiktok no matter what the app is called)

this is fucking ridiculous. somebody just let the nukes off and put us out of our faux mars dome misery. i'm sick of this shitty parade of stupid years, and nobody is actually any better off for any of this fucking bullshit.

yeah really not feeling the season this year. its very cold. empty, too. i thought i heard something about the drive in doing an event, but i guess that was just something an algorithm made up. the led string lights just make it feel all the more cold and distant. what's the point.

like the reality of my ramblings and all is i just gotta bite the bullet and do some commentary videos even though the idea of sitting and talking at the camera bores me to no end and i want to show it something interesting instead. the flip side is i have remembered that B-roll footage exists so perhaps we can make something happen after all, and just get into the habit of rolling tape more often.

the question is though, do i make an homage to the legendary disappointment of a video, 2010's "that time i talked about drawings i did from a decade earlier for a school project while a gif of a bird from Sim Park flew around in the corner for 13 minutes" which of course is very funny now but at the time it was horrible and boring and honestly i was so ashamed of it i thought i should give up filmmaking forever. i didn't, of course, and here i am. but i think it would be a very powerful move for me to do an homage to that video to say "hey doofus look i did that again but now because i didn't give up like some weenie hut jrs regular i did something kinda cool"

For whatever its worth, i do wonder if there's anything worthwhile to do in the future what it is. i'm just, so bored!

ugh idk i'm going to bed.

there's a lot of stuff i'm dwelling on lately too, in addition to that of the previous journal, regarding fursonas and changing mood and all that. inside a lot of the stuff i feel has an inherent intensity to it that i enjoy letting come out so sometimes even when its just some simple thing i have going in i love getting in depth with it with others. so i have at the same time an intense protective love for my fursona that i'm worried she's gonna get taken from me somehow and i don't want to elaborate or give ideas on that....but like, i wanna let others wear her and pretend to be her so i can see her from the outside too. amd i've got this dumb horny dog with his stupid blonde mullet that i want to play and if asked this or that or called by my name i just go "huh? who?" because like, that's part of the dang character you know? its stressful to try and be the idealized version of yourself all the time and i just can't live up to it 24/7 i'm a fucking burnout dweeb doing her best. maybe someday but not this day. and i don't want to fuckin hate myself because i wasn't enough. i nearly ended up a statistic many times over that kind of pressure and this cat would never put me through that shit. i need practice and i need time to zonk out and be a horny loser to recharge.
so like, that in the previous journal i talked about how i'm feeling in pop-furry and how i haven't had much luck with finding folks who are openly and unashamedly yiffy as before, and like YES FURRY IS FOR SEX. its also for other many things, but that "its just a hobby" shit is what you tell your conservative parents when they find your cartoon fox shirt so they don't bring out the whipping belt and start calling you a cigarette. all the good conventions start as horny midwest furries book a room together away from the normies they know to dress up and have sex. and you know, i wish people would stop acting like that powerful act of gay liberation and love is somehow "not clean enough" to proudly be part of our community's story. Furry is
queer. queer is LGBTQ+, but the Q stands for questioning because queer is strengthened by the word's homonym. we know we're weird and not a boring normal person, and we're proud of it instead of saying "i'm xyz and can be normal too" which is honestly pretty sickening that folks take it to mean the same thing.
just ugh jfc its like hearing echos of the cringe loser i was before i grew a spine, y'know? and i'm sick of that so instead i'd much rather be whatever the animal i wanna be is and not like, have the ones i'm not be this free-fur-all to swipe them as if i put them by the side of the road and posted on craigslist "box of kittens free to a good home" or something. because i didn't do that. and please don't take her when i start doing youtube in earnest jfc i need things to slow waaaaay down

ever feel like you're kinda on this rail track that goes one way in a loop forever? and there's a part of the loop you don't quite remember so approaching it spooks the hell out of you because you only remember that after every time you were back to being sad and not sure why.


maybe i'm just overthinking my clone tf kink because i don't like forcing people to be any particular way but also i want them to be me while i am also me or perhaps my dog. i think its coming from when i used to push away these feelings and talk abiut them with friends and family and they always thought they were good ideas i should have run with but i just never did. and now i have one i want to run with i'm worried i'm just gonna give it away too because of how used to doing that i am. but then comes the existential flipside to that which is am i even anybody at all right now to give away, or has it all been burnt up already from my ongoing mental health crisis and lack of anything happening to do around here. what does any of this even mean anymore, even though i know i still want it, its clear the thing it was when i started isn't what it has become. and that's a really complicated thing to process because its better now but the rawness of the previous versions is much more interesting and exciting, all that sort of smoothed out and made generic so it doesn't offput. never really a big fan of that, its usually when i tune out. but this is a core piece of me and it didn't smooth out in my soul, so i don't feel bound to all of that anymore either. its just whatever i want it to be- and i know what i want it to be.


do you believe its possible to be both in and out of the closet at the same time? are you aware of gender identities and sexualities more complex than "man, woman, nonbinary" and "straight, gay, bi, pan"? how does bedrock terminology survive when things can't truly be put into boxes like it requires them to be? why couldn't someone be both a guy and a woman at the same time without having to pass the Piccadilly prodding of social expectations that differ between both. ugh why can't this whole things be set up so that it can work with me instead of trying to shove me into two boxes at the same time when i don't really fit in either one of them! and if i'm just non-binary then 1. why the hell can't i just see that because the only reason i think the cause of this might not be potential non-binarity is because if it was then i should have realized and embraced it years ago by now and 2. why is all of this so gosh darn difficult for my gosh darn valid and openly queer ass to wrap around and accept because like again if it was just that i should have been on board for several years already. like idk fuck it call me non-binary and we'll see if anything changes with external recognition of it. it probably is and i'm just so damn starved of connection i've made myself not able to see it at some point i was feeling lousy or some stupid thing like that. ughhhh

i must be the one furry who hates it when stuff matches my fur color or something but i fucking goddamn hate that everything is gray these days. its such an awful color to make everything because it loses its identity as a color and becomes the absence of color. everything blends together into a boring, ugly slop of colorless nothing. everything looks the same. it reminds me a lot of that part in the Great Glass Elevator with the gray blob people in the cookie cutter neighborhood that ate everybody else.

for the record, my backstory is that i hated living in the himalayas because its a bleak colorless wasteland with hostile terrain and nothing ever happens so when i saw pictures of New York City in the 1970s with all the colors and shapes and lights and textures (and presumably smells, i love smells) i hightailed it right over there to be a part of it.
kinda feels like the whole damn thing was pointless and i should go fall off a cliff or some shit when all i find in america is a bleak colorless wasteland with hostile terrain and nothing ever happens.


and if you're afraid of color and things that look like stuff, idk what to tell you other than get the fuck over it.

something interesting happened and i'm thinking because of a thing will be okay even though its been difficult to see.
i'm still going to play things the same, because its on purpose. but i am not feeling as hopeless as i have been.

the future is stupid and i want it to leave me alone.

So I suppose that medium i was supposed to be trying may have been digital after all, the apple pencil is more fun than i remember it being and even though its never gonna be my main it is cool to throw my garbage in the ring of the technically proficient types with all the facebook likes.
and yes i am very into microsoft paint. i LOVE the finishers and i'm having a great time doing "paintings" in it. expect more of that for sure. There's a lot more in that area of stuff I'd love to do.


A side note on the digital front, I'm expecting to be doing more with the sony mavicas soon and incorporating fursuiting.....photoshops seem to be arriving in the realm of my domain now that annoying people can make a computer spit out their Jessica Rabbit feet and big butt licking scuba flippers fantasies automatically (have commissions gotten less stressful from that yet by the way?) so cheesy photoshops being cool and interesting it is. It'd be swell to have a backdated version of Photoshop running on windows 98, but even just the CS5.last.good.one version of creative suite i have installed on my iMac sure meets my needs....can anybody tell me where to get a 2011 iMac repaired ughhhhhh and a 2010 mac pro power switch intermittent activation job if they're a good pup with my iMac. GIMP for Windows 7 is FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.........

But what of Blender 3D, brother? When will my silly creations take to the third digital dimension, brother????


The pieces ARE falling into place even though there's still some VERY ANNOYING holes.

you know i've been having a lot of fun with the markers lately, just letting them do their thing and making those pages you've seen here. There's a new marker thing I started even more recently with a similar vibe i've been doing that i must devise a method of takin' pictures of 'em so i can show y'all.

that said, i'm really chomping at the bit for a new medium. its driving me crazy. i've been tensing up wayyyyy too much when drawing lately and i know that's my creative mind telling me to take a break and try something different to get some perspective. the new marker project is a nice side-step, but not different enough. airbrushing might be....

gender is interesting again, feelings i'd like to explore. without judgement, only experiment. like-minded; where can a cat (or dog) in a small [redacted] town near [redacted] find you?

could it ALL just be fun? why so serious (unironic)




Will the great _ north come down upon us? might be kinda cute.

will ya just knock the logs out of the way of the water so it can get back to the rest of the savanna? we all know its dammed to create the stupid automated ai colorless "luxury" colorless capitalism nightmare nobody wants to live in anyways. you guys got to have your gentrified puritan fun now its time to let go. i liked timone and pumbaa a lot better than broccoli-vlogs hair boy and cryptoglasses mcgee who did it this time.


let us not forget, of course, the seagulls covered in lithium mine residue and the crying children picking through ewaste landfills while we're imagining the hell of humanity.