Of an older rabbit woman you met on FF14 who took you under her wing and taught you how to play. You become an Inseparable War Pair who take on the games toughest challenges together. You got excited for every expansion and play through the story. You both put your own playthroughs on hold when the other is at work/college so you can both experience it together. You hang out on Discord all the time and become close friends.

And when the time finally comes, you meet each other at a fan gathering / convention, you two share a hotel room where. Dressed as one of her characters, (no doubt a healer of some kind,) she puts those bunny legs to work and rides you until your legs stop working.

Is a Gorilla cab driver with a New York accent, to tell me to sit in the front seat, and lean over and jerk / suck me off while driving her feet. The logistics are difficult to process, however, I have full confidence in her ability since she's like 50 years old and has been doing this since she was in her early 20s.

Oh fuck, you can still buy them on Amazon, lmao. Always wanted those as a kid, along with every other thing we saw on TV. The nerdy cat girlfriend from my previous post probably has a collection of all of these:

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11213561/

Moon Shoes, Sock'em Boppers, and unfortunately a Fushigi Ball. Once she lures you back to her room using lame tricks, you're just inundated with walls of, 'as seen on TV' products, most of which suck, but she loves them anyway.

She definitely can't cook, so instead you get candy out of the 'Doctor Dreadful Food Lab.' All of this leading up to her sucking you off while forcing you to watch 90s cartoons with her. She's seen them all a hundred times. She's not missing anything.



Edit:
Look at this fucking guy:
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I.....AC_SL1080_.jpg
You can try to make them look cool all you want, but the way they were marketed was absolutely a scam.

Implies the existence of Sex Defenders, which in a porn universe a sweet gig, potentially. It's your job to protect innocent men from getting preyed on by 50 year-old horse women. Of course, the Defenders themselves are ALSO young men, which just means they trade places with the other guy. BUT, you know, they're more grizzled and prepared for it. Especially considering the women will be mad and take their frustration out on your asshole.

Maybe there's room for a whole TCAP-type show, where they go to meet a mid-20s guy and end up fucking a later 20s guys. OH THE HORROR.

But I like the idea of a man spending his life hunting down the white whale that hopped on to his boat and titfucked him when he was younger. No woman could ever compare after that.

Except it's done by actual Gorillas. A whole squad of them, in fact. Huge, big-titted gorilla women in camo, who do horrible things to you in the woods while they're out on patrol. Local farmer boy just tending to his bananas? Not while these ladies are around. He's gonna be up one of those trees in a minute. Fucking someone while upside down is a skill these ladies have mastered. Gotta stay safe after all.


Unrelated, but I think of this every time I hear "Gorillas:"
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/S16pswz4glg

It's a mid 2000's-Style MTV show where we follow a cast of middle-aged cougar'y women as they hop bars and search for young dudes to pick up. The editing is fast-paced, and the 'acting' is super fake and cringy, but like all reality TV, there's always SOME truth in there, and that truth is that these women are horndogs and absolutely trying to fuck these men. And in this universe they definitely do not fade to black.

One of them HAS to be a literal cougar, right. Maybe that's the host. An obviously mid-40s cougar woman in a tight-fitting black dress. Some former pornstar, or maybe she used to own a Martha Stuart-like cooking show.

Except the plane is just a regular commercial airliner where a famous rock band made up of a BBW snake women has rented out all but one of the seats for their band, tech crew, and a some of the fans. And now you can't walk down the aisle without your face plowing right into multiple pairs of snake tits on both sides. They're loud, drinking, and some of them are definitely fingering each other in their seats. They're not particularly subtle about it.

You will definitely be pinned in an airplane bathroom by a fat snake woman at LEAST once.

I've definitely talked about this before, but I'd love a class of Mimic chest that you have to 'lockpick' with your dick.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/25849863/

The 'Lock' is just a squishy button you have to press with the tip of your dick, but it's genuinely a nightmare to get to it. Youu have to press your way past gigantic mimic lips, AND they just love pushing your dick off course with their giant tongue. Very few people make it before busting in between those giant lips with

They're probably color-coded by difficulty. Pink chests give the worst loot, but there's no penalty for trying. Also the button magically adjusts to your dick size, so there's always a chance, even if slim. Blue mimics don't adjust just button and you can only try a limited amount of times before they just don't open their mouths anymore. Reds are one-try and don't adjust the button, and if you fail...well. Don't fail.

When you find out your boss is fucking your nidoqueen mom. It becomes an even more interesting day when you find out he's also fucking your nidoking dad. Thank goodness you don't have a girlfriend...You are now, however, also fucking your boss. He's kinda persuasive, and pays very well.

https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....53/Weavile-Guy

Should do more of him, because him fucking entire family lines is probably a common occurrence. Don't let him know your grandma lives locally.

Plot Twist: He's always a werewolf. That's literally just him. But on the full moon he's still a wolf, but he grows a foot taller, gain enormous tits, and becomes a milf.

Nerdy Rat man in business casual. Abuses his position find dudes through their webcams and catch them jerking off. Spends late night at the office watching them and jerking off himself. Develops an unhealthy, one-sided relationship with one. Gets his browsing history. Breaks into his phone. Gets all his dirty secrets. Speaks to him through him computer/phone like he's Hal 9000. Blackmails him jerking off more and doing more depraved things.

Somehow this ends up at a hotel room in Vegas, and I don't know how.

Chubby, Nerdy, Goth cat girl. Lives in a van. Prowls department stores, searching for dudes. Is very awkward. Tries impressing them with with really lame magic tricks. Fails all the time. Still gets laid sometimes though because when all else fails, she can just flash her tits and occasionally get a dude to agree to a bj.

Is banned from every Party City in the country.

Some underpaid lifeguard/intern who walks around spreading SPF 50 on the asses of fat women at a rich-people's getaway resort. Just ring the little bell and he'll come running. Groping and teasing him is part of the base package. If you want to do more, you gotta open your wallet. But rich gals like these can easily afford it, so it happens a lot. Spread that lotion on those elephant tits, boy.

-Dude's travel for whatever reason.
-Go to a remote-ish village.
-Old siamese cat lady offers to hold you up for the night.
-She's secretly fucking crazy.
-Kidnaps dudes and holds them in hopes they'll develop Stockholm Syndrome and fall in love with her, just like her favorite romance novels.
-Her tits are huge, so it actually works, at least for a while.
-Manages to keep dudes happy with great cooking and amazing titjobs.
-Eventually they'll want to leave, but that was their biggest mistake.
-They, "Leave" but because they were travelers/wanderers, nobody in the town notices they actually got a knife to the eye socket and are now 6-feet under the concrete at grandma's house.

Those titjobs were great though.

So you sneak up behind her, reach around, and jam a taser into robo vagina. Alternatively stun baton to the asshole.

Double dicks are fairly common, but I kind of wish we'd see more double assholes, or double vag. I think it'd work especially well with the the doughnut anuses people like to draw.

What are the logistics of double genitalia? If you got two dicks and you're fucking someone with only one, do both of them shoot when you finish? IF you're penetrating with both, does that mean twice the pleasure and you only last half as long? Same with vag? Would you have two prostates if you had two anuses?

If they WERE separate, that'd either be amazing, or overwhelming depending on your tolerance, because if you built both up, you could either have one insane orgasm or two regular orgasms.

Also, if they were linked, technically you could fuck twice as long since you're not rubbing one raw. Assuming of course that's the only limiting factor.

Except your girlfriend is a medium that frequently gets possessed by horny ghosts, making every encounter a threesome. Gets real freaky when the demons get involved.

Other times I think of a magical burger joint / or cosmic shake shack, where the food for some reason makes your ass spontaneously triple in size. The bar stools are oversized specifically for this reason. Don't worry, it's temporary. You probably want to take your pants off first though. Pantsless Ass Bar.

And now I can't stop thinking about fucking a massive ass on a barstool. Maybe that happens around the corner of the cafe. There's a sign there that says, "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." And the burgers on that side also make you horny. Or turn you into a cow.

-Fat Cow Moms
-Twink Cows
-Feral Cows
-Himbo Cow Men
-Tauren

Why? Why do they all tempt me so?

They don't just let anyone pass. You gotta pay the, "Toll" which in this case, means you have to hold her hand and let her tonguefuck your throat. Then you can go on about your business. Don't worry, despite living under a bridge, she's very self-conscious and brushes the fuck out of her teeth. Is also really obsessed with her face's appearance so when not under the bridge, spends most of her time foraging for berries, bark, and flowers that can be crushed up and formed into makeup/lipstick. Prettiest bridge troll you'll ever see, kind of. She way overdoes it on the makeup, but she's got gigantic lips, so it's all good.

How my mind processes things:

-Hears the phrase, "The Giant Rat That Makes All Of Da Rules"
-Processing information...Who makes rules? Politicians? Supreme Court Judges? Principals? Principal Rat. Dean Rat? BIG Dean rat.
-Big Dean Rat in professional suit jacket, because professionalism.
-Regularly brings students in for..."Talks."
-Regularly brings TEACHERS in for "Talks."
-Especially Bullies the fuck out of the nerdier ones.
-Who makes a good nerd? English teachers? History teachers? Small history teachers. Small rat history teachers.
-Sits in on his lectures intimidating him from the back of the room.
-Helps him 'Clean the Chalkboard' at the end of the the day be pressing him against it with her massive rat titties.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXQwx1EolD8

IB-01: CEL 240 was sick as shit. Really wish more fights in Armored Core were like that. The worm was great. Carla's giant mining, saw robot was great. Falling down the shaft and dodging the giant laser my kinda cool. Honestly, anything other than fighting other ACs is pretty interesting this game. A lot of people seem to think my problem with this game is the difficulty. (To be fair, that was half my post, so I get the misunderstanding.) I've played every Souls game except Bloodborne and DS3. I came here explicitly for the difficulty. My problem boils down to every Fight (especially against ACs) feeling too similar / just not terribly interesting. Strafe, missile, strafe missile, (with some variance in positioning depending on if you're fighting a faster AC or a heavier one.) Spam until they die. Whoever dodges slightly better wins.

I assumed this was more complicated than it is, which lead to confusion about how I was progressing skill-wise. It felt hard to learn, but no, it's pretty simple. I assume there's a decent amount of nuance to it in PvP, but talking base game stuff here, you can get away with the same strategy so often that some parts become kinda boring. Kind of exactly like Character Fights in other Souls games. You know, those scripted invasions that are usually pretty easy because the AI is terrible? Yeah, it's like that.

All that said, I've loved the environments and sense of scale this game has. And the story's been kind of interesting from the start. It's keeping me going. Fingers crossed I don't actually have to kill Rusty. He's too much of a bro. (I did beat him already, of course.)

Tell me if I'm crazy. I'm not a mecha guy, but I picked up AC6 because I trust Fromsoft. The overall fight design feels loose. I can just kinda circle strafe and jump most of the time, but occasionally I run an AC that completely pushes my shit in, and I don't feel like any of the earlier missions ever prepare me for it. It's just, "Easy, easy, easy, BRICK WALL, easy easy." Moreso than a lot of Soulslikes. I'm definitely not very good, but that feels like a problem with the game itself. It's hard to know IF you're doing something wrong when you can just blast through the game 95% of the time.

I get to a hard fight and I feel like I don't even know what tools are at my disposal. I can dodge, I can jump...Is this my entire arsenal? How much does being in the air matter? Does falling make dodging missiles easier? It it just a timing thing when I get hit by those or do I just have to dodge a specific direction? Am I just using the wrong weapon type against this particular AC? Should I be focusing more on customization for the particular fighting I'm going into or should I settle more into that one loadout for me? It's just not clicking, and then I try until I get bored and switch back to the sword, which seems to handle all of my problems despite being the starter weapon. Last dude I beat was the Original Raven, which was all these problems combined. Kinda fun, but I don't know if it's gonna get better.

In comparison, my favorite of the Soulslikes is Sekiro. It's absolute perfection in the way in teaches you how to play. It pushes your shit in early and often, which constantly reinforces the skills you need to succeed, and as you go, it slowly introduces more skills and teaches them to you the same way until, at the end, you're a well-trained, ninja killing machine. And liberal use of all of your skills makes the fights amazing. Isshin was the best goddamn fight I've experienced in literal decades, and I don't think I'm gonna get that was AC6. Sekiro is 'tightly' designed. The game is designed around and reinforces a specific set of skills in a very controlled, very deliberate way. AC6 doesn't feel like that.

Am I crazy?

With R63 Yoda. That had to have happened somewhere in the extended universe. There's some old Jedi master hidden in a bog somewhere. She's like a 900 year old Gungan, and she'll only train you if you re-arrange her insides on a daily basis.

Or a little shortstack, whatever-the-fuck-Yoda-Species-is, with huge tits. Plowing her pussy and she just never stops making '"The Force Is Strong With This One" comments.