you know what, ireally am. my life is wonderful right now.

i have a good job
i like my classes
i have awesome friends

and the best part about it all is him
i know that we can't be together right now
and that it'll be a long time before we can
and he'll be with other girls until we get together
and i may be with other guys
but seriously it makes me happy just to look at him
i love nothing more than our cam chats :)
i love that makes faces at me to make me smile
i love how insanely dorky and nerdy he is
seriously, he just makes me happy

and i'm glad that i can finally be happy :D

and i'll be even happier when i can be there in person and finally kiss those lips of his and run my fingers through his hair.

life is really good for me right now :)

so share the love people! if you're upset about something, either fix it or go buy yourself some chocolate and make yourself happy :) do it!

The Calling and the Dream

When not a soul could be found for me to speak with, when I found no way to express all the pent up feelings I held deep inside myself, art held his hand out to me. Art has been a huge part of who I am as a person for as long as I’ve been able to hold a pencil. I’ve been drawing for most of my life, just copying what I saw originally, gradually forming my own style and my own ideas to put forth to the canvas or paper. Art, in all its glorious forms, has always been my escape from my reality. When I am creating something virgin and completely unique to me, it’s simply freeing. To let go of everything, if only for a moment, and completely immerse myself in my art is such a wonderful and indescribable feeling.
A major factor pushing me towards a degree in the Visual Arts is the way that art can enthrall a person. When I look at art, I fancy to enter the world the artist constructs. It’s alluring to think that you attain a glimpse into the mind of the one who created the piece, and for a moment there’s a connection and something is understood. Each person understands something different and feels something different when they look upon the piece. I want to produce art that causes people to feel something, anything. I want people to look at a poster or a drawing I’ve created and be able to feel something within themselves that they otherwise wouldn’t of felt. I love the psychology of art. You can see a poster on the wall, and if it’s an intriguing image you will inquire upon it’s content. If the poster is not intriguing you pass it by without another thought. I want to make the art that pulls people in.
Another factor pushing me towards a degree in the Visual Arts is that I want to leave my mark on this world, leave something that will always be there even after I am long dead and gone. Art has its way of leaving a lasting impression on people, even if they are unaware of it. Just like someone can remember the lyrics to a song they haven’t heard in years, an image that they connect with will always remain in the back of their minds, lying dormant until something digs it back up. I want to create such works that people will gaze upon them and always remember them.
Through all the careers I have gone through in my head, marine biologist, geologist, figure skater, an artist has always been the most appealing to me. For the better part of my teenage years, I have known that I wanted to create art for the remainder of my life. Art is the only thing that has ever made sense to me, and made absolutely no sense at the same time. Visual art pushes me to better myself, always finding ways to be different and creative in life and through my drawings. I feel in my heart and soul that I am truly meant for this, meant to create. When I’m drawing or designing, everything makes sense in the world, everything is beautiful in one-way or another. Art is my passion, and if I can take that passion and make a life long career out of it, then I can live a happy life.
I have several reasons for wanting to peruse a degree in Visual Arts. All of them are for me, and no one else, which is how I know that it is the right path for me.

long black hair-i mean seriously....i instantly swoon for men with black hair
perferable blue eyes(if you have nice eyes i melt immdediantly)
i like my men like Jack Skellington, but with muscles and awesome hair!
industrial/goth
wears awesome leatherness

loves good music-wanna know what this is? ask! magic
sitting in the rain
enjoys good art
likes to watch movies
plays video games-i like to tag team video games
i like to go to concerts a lot, so he'd have to be into the same music and enjoy going to concerts and rocking it out!
LORD OF THE RINGS is a must. must have knowledge of it and enjoy watching the movies-otherwise i feel like a nerd -_-
i want a guy who'll protect me but isn't always in charge
i want someone to cuddle and kiss and bite, i like to rough house sometimes
i'm a biter, so they need to either be ok with it or enjoy it.
i want someone with emotions, but is still a man.
i want someone who will run through the rain for miles just because i'm upset and hold me for hours.
i want someone to really love me, and not just want sex, though i am not aposed to sex. i have a personal rule about it, and if you can work you're way into my heart then you need not worry about it *disclaimer* i am a bit of a freak.....in and out of bed....so...yeah...buyer beware XD

oh ann i absolutely LOVE musicians....yeah so if you have long hair and tell me you're in a band....auto-swoon! i like artists as well, i'm a creative person, i need a creative partner.

yeah personality means a lot to me....


i got bored....so...here's what i like in a guy.....rarw

and it sucks.
i hurt so much right now i can't even stand it
it was so hard when he fought so much
he said everything that i wanted to hear from him before
i love him still
and now i know
the hardest thing to do
is break up with someone you still love
i can't stand this
but i know it needs to be done
but it hurts....so much
i can't stop crying....
i miss him already.....
i'm sorry....

i am going to be breaking it off with my boyfriend of 2 years on saturday.
i'm just not happy with him anymore, and he's not happy with me.
he's been blaming everything on me, constantly screaming at me
he's been getting drunk and high, even though i'm allergic to weed, and popped pills tonite.
he hangs out with his ex girlfriends, one of which just had a baby and is doing all his homework for him (the homework i told him i could help him with)
he's extremely jealous of every guy i talk to
he went through my phone when i wasn't there and when my dad yelled at him to stop he kept going through it until he said "put the fucking phone down now, i don't care if she looked at your phone, that's my daughters phone" fyi i never went through his phone.
he blows me off to hang out with his friends all the time but blames me for never spending time with him
he says i don't make time for him, and i don't plan the dates out for him
he's jealous of the car my mother and i bought for me (using inhertiance money)
he says that i know what i want to do in life and he doesn't and i need to support him, but he shoots down every single idea i give.
all he wants to do is illegal shit.
he got mad because i didn't support him when he told me he wanted to do illegal drag racing on private property(trespassing) when he doesn't even have his liscence yet.


so tell me if i really am just being a bitch, or if i right to say that it's time to end it, and make myself happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grFY.....ature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grFY.....ature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grFY.....ature=youtu.be

come watch! me and my friend do webshows every week! i'm the one in the corset!

Comment this and i'll try to answer it!
1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
3) Tell you my first memory of you.(if I've know you for a good while)
4) Ask you a question.
5) Tell you something I like about you.
6) Tell you the object that is in front of me.
7) Dare you to do this yourself in your Journal

well people are telling me that i'm overreacting and expecting to much from people

however i will have to change the prize up, i can't give away something so big for nothing, it's an expensive piece.

so the prize is now a scale bracelet.

please enter by saying you want to enter. that gets you one entry. if you buy something from me you get a second entry. if you buy 2 you get 3 entries, and so on and so forth.

ends in 1 month, i want a lot of entries for this one.

Journal Pimpage is mandatory
+Watch is mandatory as well

good luck everyone, i'll have one of my dogs pick the winner.

Also, the more entries there are the more prizes there will be.
15 entries-one scale bracelet
35 entries-one scale bracelet, One 6 in 1 bracelet
55 entries-one scale bracelet, One 6 in 1 bracelet, one ring
75 entries-one scale bracelet, One 6 in 1 bracelet, one ring, one hand flower
if over 100 entires i'll reintroduce the ridgeback necklace

ok so go get your friends and get them in this contest! go go go

well people are telling me that i'm overreacting and expecting to much from people

however i will have to change the prize up, i can't give away something so big for nothing, it's an expensive piece.

so the prize is now a scale bracelet.

please enter by saying you want to enter. that gets you one entry. if you buy something from me you get a second entry. if you buy 2 you get 3 entries, and so on and so forth.

ends in 1 month, i want a lot of entries for this one.

Journal Pimpage is mandatory
+Watch is mandatory as well

good luck everyone, i'll have one of my dogs pick the winner.

Also, the more entries there are the more prizes there will be.
15 entries-one scale bracelet
35 entries-one scale bracelet, One 6 in 1 bracelet
55 entries-one scale bracelet, One 6 in 1 bracelet, one ring
75 entries-one scale bracelet, One 6 in 1 bracelet, one ring, one hand flower
if over 100 entires i'll reintroduce the ridgeback necklace

ok so go get your friends and get them in this contest! go go go

I am a shadow
i am always there
behind everyone when they shine
and there to embrace when darkness falls
but in the brightest moments
i am forgotten
and left behind
i am the darkness we all have
deep within ourself
only i show it on the outside
i'm stepped on
i have things thrown upon me
i am disregarded
i am a shadow
there when you want me
forgotten when you don't

i am a shadow
in a dark room
never to be seen
never to be heard
never to be noticed
never to be loved

i'm going out of town for a little over a week.
merry holidays to everyone! blessed be

so two men, in full army uniforms, came into my work this morning to get some food.
the girl next to me took they're order and i reminded her to give them the discount.
she didn't do it, so before she took they're money i put the discount on.
she told me no we don't do that, i said yes we do, they deserve a discount go ask the manager.
so she does then the manager comes over and starts bitching me out for giving them the discount (in front of them) saying its corporate policy not to give them a discount.
so i was like whatever, they left and i made sure they got the discount anyway.
they came up to me later and said, you really didn't have to get in trouble for us, but we do appreciate it.
i told them, no it's not ok for them to do that, you served our country the least we can do is give you a dollar or two off your meal.
i thanked them for their service and brooded about how pissed i was for the rest of the day.
they continued to yell at me so eventually i told them, hey would you like to tell my mom that we don't do military discounts?
they looked at me like wtf you talking about, so i said my mom served in the armed forces for 10 years.
i was born on an army base.
my grandfather did 4 tours in nam and left with the rank of Lt. Col.
so forgive me for being adament and respectful towards those who serve....fucking bitches...they shut up after that

there is that better? lol

Consciousness prods her eyes open, fluttering and blinking to no avail. The darkness outside her eyes differs only slightly from the darkness inside. She takes in a deep breath.
"Wh....where...where am I?" she attempts to look around the blackness, only to meet a severe pain in her neck when she tries to move her head.
"Hello? I...is anyone there?" she tries to move her arms and finds she is unable to. It's doesn't feel like they've been bound or held fast, but it's as if her arms no longer exist. Her breath becomes a creeping state of hyperventilation as she realizes she is completely immobilized. It seems the only part of herself she can control is her eyes.
"Oh good," a voice as soft as a whisper sounds. "Our star is finally awake. The show can finally begin," the voice fills her ears, darker than the blackness surrounding her. Her panic becomes more frantic at the chilling sound.
"Please, will someone tell me where I am? Why can't I move," she attempts to move again to no prevail. Her eyes twitch around the room, searching for the owner of the voice.
"Quite. It's show time," the voice hisses at her and gentle laughing is heard.

As the laughing dies down, a bright light floods her vision, a sliver only about 5 feet wide. The shape of a person wearing a tall top hat blots out most of the light. She takes the advantage of the momentary light to peek at her environment. She sees the wood floor below her, polished and shinning like a ballet studio. She realizes that she is lying on the floor, though she can't feel it. Her eyes widen in horror and tears well to the point of breaking as she looks down at the mangled state she's in.

The sound of applause shrills up, she darts her eyes towards the source. The figure raises its arms and the clapping stops.
"Welcome all to the show. We have a very special presentation for you tonight, so prepare to be amazed," his voice, which had been the soft voice whispering to her before, boomed, reminding her of a ringmaster at a circus. The figure bows deeply and the light disappears, darkness enveloping her once again.

"Please sir, there's been some mistake,” she whispers to the figure standing in front of her.
"Quite my precious. You need to be perfect, it's a full house," his voice on the verge of hysterics now. That is, like he's about to laugh uncontrollably from the pure inebriation he's experiencing. Finally, his show can debut. He fusses with her hair and makes sure her outfit is absolutely perfect.
"Perfect for what? I don't understand," her breath slowed down, trying to keep from adding to his excitement.
"Why, my lovely, for the opening night of my show, of course!" his voice booms again.
"What show!" she screams back at him, unable to control her overwhelming fear.
"Don't forget your lines, precious. You don't want to anger the master, now do you? Places everyone!" he strikes her face lightly, like one would hit a dog with a newspaper. His shoes click against the floor as he leaves. Her tears well up and falls onto the floor.

;) to be continued...

"Where....where am i? what's going on?" She opens her eyes, slowly blinking and adjusting to the darkness.
"Hello?" she tries to move her arms, but can't.
"Oh good. She's finally awake. The show can finally begin," a deep voice sounds in the darkness.
"Please, will someone tell me where i am? Why can't i move," she attempts to move again to no prevail.
"Ssh. It's showtime,"the voice hisses at her and gentle laughing is heard.


As the laughing dies down, a bright light floods her vision, a sliver only about 5 feet wide. The shape of a person blots out the light.

The sound of appaluse shrills up. The figure raises it's arms and the clapping stops.
"Welcome all to the show. We have a very special presentation for you tonight, so prepare to be amazed." his voice, which had been the soft voice whispering to her, boomed. The figure bows deeply and the light disappears.

"Please sir, there's some mistake" she whispers to the figure standing in front of her.
"Quite my precious. You need to be perfect, it's a full house," he fusses with her hair and makes sure her outfit is absolutely perfect.
"Perfect for what? I don't understand."

to be continued....

one of the things i hated the most about my x-fiance was how we would come and go without giving me any notice.

the reason we broke up is because he disappeared for 6 months, didn't tell me he was leaving or where he was going, he just up and left.

when he came back he told me that his parents had called him back to paris to run the restaurant and that he was sorry.

this is a man who refuses to get a phone, or use a phone, and did not contact me once while he was in paris.

so we broke up and he was severely pissed off at me.
i haven't seen him since he finally decided it wasn't worth it to try and win me back.

until yesterday. just walking around my school, listening to music, then i hear the name that only he called me.
i turn and lo and behold....there's maverick.

He decided that he couldn't let me get away and he was going to try and win me back again. i told him that i can't be with someone who can disappear randomly without notice and then just show up out of the blue.

he told me this was not the end, then walked away.

yay -_-'

so we bought my mom a fancy ass camera for birthmas (it was really expensive)

and i'm going to use her old one to take photos of all the stock pieces i have so i can get them sold.

i wish colorado would have more cons :(

but so yeah, expect a F ton of pictures either tomorrow or tonite, depending on my mood tonite, uploaded to my chain mail page  pzykodesigns

i am also still working on my price sheet and this camera is going to help that a lot!!!!


i'm going to be making a set of chainmail pieces all based on egyptian slave jewelry.

it's going to be called the Slave Collection.

it will only be sold as a set.

I may be convinced to sell indiviual pieces but i would really rather sell this as a set.

It will consist of:
Head dress
Hand flowers (connects to arm bands)
Arm Bands
Foot Flowers (can be connected to each other)
Choker Necklace (connects to bra top or man top)
Bra/Man Top
possible belt

this is going to be an expensive set, but it will be gorgeous!

look for it!!

working on my char lileth, come and watch!


www.livestream.com/pzykodesigns

i kind of want to livestream..........

i want to work on my bat character and i'd love an audience to help me along the way.

who would watch if i did stream??

*Chainmail*

for christmas orders, i'm giving a discount!!

all orders get.....free shipping!! yes that's right free shipping.
(unless it's out of america in which case you get discounted shipping)

and if you order is over $50 you get 5% off

if it's over $100 you get 10%

if you buy a necklace you get a free matching bracelet (dragon tail style)

if you buy 2 bracelets you get a free ring!

i really need christmas (and sims 3 supernatural XD) money so please get your commissions in now!!

Also, if you advertise this journal/sale, you get an extra 5% off any order of your choice, no expiration on that!!! just link me your advertisement!

come and get your christmas commissions now!

order before the end of november to insure delivery before christmas!

if you decide on Eloquence and want a charm i have to order online, please let me know asap to insure prompt delivery!!

christmas commissions will be given a free box to place the jewelry in and can be wrapped if so wished.

if you order quickly you may be given a discount!

note me at  pzykodesigns

ok so my black friday deals are:


buy any necklace and get a matching bracelet


all bracelet purchases over $15 are 2 for 1


spend more than $30 and get a free ring


spend more than $50 and get a free bracelet


spend more than $100 and get a free necklace

so come and get the deals while they last...which is until sunday night! come come come!!
note me and use promo code *AWESOME SAUCE* to get your black friday deals!

to view my inventory and availble styles please go to and browze around! i would prefer that you note me on that account because i like to keep this account uncluttered. thank you!

yeah so i totally missed my one year mark of doing chainmail *facepalm epic fail*

someone suggested i do something special for it even though i missed it so.....

anything you people want to see me do? maybe i'll do a fabric inlay of my logo and name or something......

suggestions??

might do a contest for it!! who thinks that would be a good idea?

so....yay i've been doing chainmail for over a year now! i think that i've improved A LOT since i first started.....

here's one of my first weaves
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7761057/
(which at the time i thought was a successful dragon back)

and here's how i do dragon backs now....the right way XD
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9153305/

so yeah i see a lot of improvement in myself :3 i've very proud of how far i've come and while i'm no where near as good as
 ichiblack or
 custom-metal-collars or even
 daggerswolfbane
but i think i'm doing pretty good :3
I'm not the best on FA but i'm not the worst :3

yeah so me and my friend do a webshow called Zombastik. and she's already popular on youtube, because she does burp video(she's one of the best females actually). so the other day we decided to do a random chug for the fun of it.....well needless to say it's exploded on youtube and i couldn't be more shocked!!

if you want to see it, here ya go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlQ7.....p;feature=plcp

we get a lot of fetish requests.

if you want to dare us to do something, then comment and maybe well do it!

i'm the one on the left btw

my grandfather, my only remaining grandparent, fell this morning outside his house and broke his hip.....

he was alone by himself for an hour before his neighbor saw him and called an ambulance......

this might be the end......

we're supposed to go down there to see him for christmas but......

idk if he'll last until christmas......

idk what to do right now.......

as some as you may know, me and mate have not been doing so well.

i had a talk with him and explained that i wasn't happy with his anger and how mean he's being, and so did my mother but things havn't gotten better....in fact theyve gotten worse.....he's always angry about something, no matter how hard i try to make him happy. it's depressing knowing you can't bring happiness to your mate. tonite he actually scared me, he was acting crazy, not good crazy like wtf is wrong with you crazy, at work and i just didn't know what to do. he always complains that nothing in his life is good, life sucks i hate my life blah blah blah and I'm like, how the hell am i supposed to feel? i'm a part of your life so i must suck then. 2 years and his anxiety and depression have only gotten worse......he's drinking now. he's got it in his mind that if he's upset or sad he should drink to make him feel better......i know what alchol can do to someone, everyone in my family, cept my parents, are alcoholics. so i'm getting worried, if he's drinking now, how long will it be until he goes back to weed and forgets to tell me one day and kills me because i'm deathly allergic to it. i don't want to be in this situation, and in my heart i can feel my love for him slipping.

and on the other side of the coin me and the other guy are becoming extremely close and i am falling for him so hard. he reminds me how to be happy and enjoy life and what it's like to be with someone who cares....he's kind and caring, and the way he talks to me makes me feel so important to him. we like the exact same music, which is a problem with my current mate who absolutely refuses to listen to my music at all which makes me sad because it's a HUGE part of who i am and i can't share that him. however the other guy and i can sit in the car and sing the songs together because he loves it as much as i do. he's gorgeous and smart. he's been through some pretty horrible hardships like my current mate yet he isn't bitter about it. at least not when i'm around, he lets it go so we can just enjoy each others company. he's showing me what it's like to truely enjoy life, to have someone care about you and to spend time with. i love the fact that he's willing to sit and draw with me even though he's not the best artist, he still tries so hard.my current mate wants nothing to do with it.....sigh this guy is just so awesome to me...


sigh i'm reaching the point of no return, where i choose one and lose the other forever :(