You did it!

delivery of surprises will start soon.

I had a little ... pc incident o_o ...
thankfully i still had warranty, so no costs for me.

Sorry for disappearing so often lately.

aka why u no arting?! ლ(ಠ益ಠლ

okay so here's the situation:

about a month ago i was taken to the ER because my heart decided to skip beats over and over and over again not calming down. Scary thing.
What was i doing when it happened? nothing. sitting in front of my computer doing stuff.
They did some tests, took blood twice, made x-rays, gave me an infusion and found nothing but signs of an infection in my blood. So they sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics and told me to rest.

Problem is: now, after taking the antibiotics i feel worse than before. When i wake up everything's fine for a while. when i sit for an hour or so i feel pressure on my chest like someones sitting on it making it hard to breathe. the feeling grows into something similar to the feeling like... when you just ran at full speed and your lungs are just recovering from that ugly burning feeling or the feeling when you got a REALLY bad cold and just had one of those bad coughing fits where everything hurts afterwards. Though I don't do anything but sit.
If I ignore that and continue, my heart starts to really .. like beating really hard in my chest.. not faster but you know when you can feel every single heartbeat and i get the feeling i got right before the skipping started.

so fact is: I haven't been to university in weeks because of that. I haven't been able to draw for more than 30 minutes before feeling sick again. The only thing i CAN do is lie in bed or the sofa to sleep, read (thankfully i got some unread books -.- and lots of university material) or scribble stuff as i can't exaclty just lie on my work table in front of my PC and i don't have one of those fancy cintiq tablets that don't require a screen. :P

I haven't been to any doctor yet because honestly i don't know where to go.
The hospital said my heart was okay and there was nothing in my lungs and that's it.
My doc said it's maybe because the muscles in my back and shoulders are so knotted but didn't do anything about it and i can't afford any massages.
The lung specialist i went to a year ago or so told me everything was fine and that the tight feeling in my chest was from 'hyperventilating'. And he wouldn't hear anything about how i NOT hperventilate. Actually i do the contrary. My breathing is rather slow compared to that of my boyfriend or everyone else i know for example.

So i don't know what to do. I feel like doctors don't take me serious when i say i got breathing problems or pain in my chest. And i can't change that unless something critical happens i guess -_- Even when i was taken to the ER i had the feeling the emergency guys just didn't take me serious.. at 4 AM with empty streets it took them 30 minutes to get to our place. (and about 10 back to the hospital...without rushing)


so yeah, that's how it is right now.
I can't change it. I don't know how to change it.
I'm trying to get appointments with various doctors, DIFFERENT ones from the last and hope they take me serious.
Maybe trying to set up the computer near the bed, but i don't know if that will work. (i got no light there, and no kind of table to put the screen onto...) or maybe down to the sofa using the TV for a Screen but i don't know yet.

I still draw everyday, but completing large digital pieces takes way more time now as i can only do 30 minutes in one go and then need to rest for about an hour depending on how i feel.


I'm very sorry for that.

x) ... the comments on my last journal.. thank you.

to explain: this weekend I invited my best friend over to a movie-bbq-sleepover whatever. Weather was shit, so we decided to do a movie-sleepover only. Yesterday (saturday) she decided to not come, but we could do today (sunday) instead. Sooo... we bought special food (because of her allergies), made a plan. Today at about 4 pm she calls me to tell me she would be coming over now, BUT ... ONLY UNTIL 10 PM.

yes.. 10 pm.

no sleepover, no long movie-night.

Becauuuuuuuse.... THE DICK SAID SO.

is this a fucking joke???

I once had a best friend that was spontaneously coming over to my place at ridiculous times like 5 in the morning just to crash on my sofa to sleep at my place. And i meant she came from HER place, to sleep at MINE. Not that she was already out and around.
I once had a best friend that was going to turn 30 in about two months. THIRTY. Now i have one that's about as independent as a preschool kid.... with her nanny as boyfriend.

I'm so ... HNGGGGRRRAAAAAAHHHHH *strangles pillow*


...Saturday morning at 4 AM i was taken to the ER with heart problems... and when they let me go, the doc told me to not get upset, to rest etc. I'M SO UPSET RIGHT NOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

*throws pillow through the room*

So a short update for people expecting art from me, or everyone that's interrested.


FIRST - for people waiting for Art, and everyone that's interrested in Art only.

In case anyone wondered if i got swallowed by some big hole in the ground: no. :P
My parents are on vacation and I'm watching the house. That means I am not on my computer, only have my notebook.
Which means no art except for scribbles in sketchbooks etc. My Aunt being here too makes drawing a little complicated though.

Imagine: "oh what are you drawing? show me"
*drawing dick* "ASDGHASDFA NO!!! DON'T LOOK!"

So my parents are scheduled to return somewhere around mid of next week. Everyone waiting for art will get an update by the weekend then.
Sorry for the wait. Life's troublesome sometimes.

on another note, I thought about making a Patreon for some weekly art updates and stuff. Yes? No? Maybe?... decisions decisions.



SECOND - for everyone on SKYPE

I'm going to clean out my Skype.
If you don't talk to me and we do not have business with each other you will probably get removed.
You can re-add me though, still if you don't talk to me in like half a year, you'll probably get removed again. :P






THIRD - this is a non-art situation i need a bit advice with. If you're not interested in private problems you can stop reading now.

Ookay. So.
This is a bit complicated.

The situation involves 3 people. To make it a bit easier to explain we'll give them nice names.

So the first person we got is this girl that's my best friend. We'll call her 'THE SWAN'.
Then there's her boyfriend whom we'll simply call 'THE DICK'.
And then there's me.

THE SWAN and me have been best friends for nearly 7 years now. We've had a bit of trouble along the way and lost contact for about a year. The year in which THE DICK appeared. So after we got back in contact everything was back to the day we met for the first time (where we spent about... i dunno 36 hours together or more XD) We clicked from the beginning, from the first minute we met, and it was still the same.

She told me about THE DICK and was all yay and stuff. Except for when she told me about this one thing, that made me .. let's say 'dislike' him a bit. At 24 years he was not man enough to tell his mom (who disliked THE SWAN) that he was going to see her or stay over at her place. It was always 'a friend' (in my language referring to a simple male friend). Quite disrespectful if you ask me.
So clearly we didn't start off too well, but whatever. She's happy, who am I to interfere,.... which didn't really keep me from making some not really rude, but maybe mean jokes. To which he didn't say anything actually.

Though i noticed some change in THE SWAN. Meeting with her would get really really hard because she never had time and was alllllways busy. Even though we agreed on weekly meetings.

Until she told me THE DICK didn't want her meeting me. He referred to me as someone the same level as a drug dealer. A. DRUG. DEALER.
I still don't know if i should laugh or just smack him from here to the friggin asian island where he came from.

Good natured as i am i decided to make this our running gag. Always getting a smile from THE SWAN when offering her some 'drugs' (yaoi manga ^^, some fun gay drawings etc)
Until a few weeks ago this was all good. Meeting and stuff. THE DICK would always call at one point and kinda ... rant at her. And it really really hurts me to see that she is hurting emotionally. It makes her SAD that THE FUCKING DICK always trashtalks me. And i can't do anything against it because he won't stop.

The climax of the whole thing was when THE SWAN tried to tell me we couldn't meet anymore because she didn't want THE DICK to get his frilly pink panties in a knot.
Really? 7 years of friendship? And i mean the kind of friendship where she called me IN MY SKIING HOLIDAYS at 2 AM in the morning to 'just talk because she broke up with her boyfriend' and we'd talk more than two hours, with me in the cold kitchen to not disturb anyone, and me knowing that my night ends at fucking 7 AM. I was a snowboarding ZOMBIE that following day. But i'd do it all again.


After i verbally smacked her over the head we're at the 'secret affair' status now. She doesn't want to give up her realationship and she doesn't want to give up our friendship.
We're meeting without THE DICK knowing.

If he finds out, he'll dump her.

And that's where i need your advice.

How do you cope with something like that.
Seeing a person you love being hurt by someone THEY love and not being able to do anything about it.
I can't and won't tell her to break up. She wants the relationship and I am not going to do the same thing as THE DICK and be bossy and a tyrant about that. She's old enough to make her own decisions even if i don't understand them.
I've asked her if she thinks that the whole trouble with this relationship is worth it all and she still insists it is. I accept that. But i don't know how to feel about it.

Thinking about that guy makes me so unbelievably angry. Not only the fact that he DARES to categorize people in "worth" (his friends, all the computer nerds) and "worthless" (me). Yes. I am worthless. I am someone who will only drag my best friend down. I am noone, I got nothing, I haven't even got a (real) job. I AM WORTHLESS. She should not be friends with someone like me. That's his views.
No also the fact that HE IS FUCKING HER UP.
She's got some sickness that gets worse with stress. AND HE'S STRESSING HER SO MUCH IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!

I can't even count how many times I've quietly ranted in my head lately. Thinking about all the things i want to tell him right to his stupid fucking dickface.
And god knows if the situation comes to him dumping her because she's meeting with me, someone better be there to hold me back from smashing his shitass chinese face into the next wall.

Sometimes I really wonder about people.
I mean there's this thing called art theft where people just take your art and say it's theirs or use it as theirs or whatever....
and THEN... there's people who take your whole IDENTITY posting your shit on twitter being all 'you' or 'your character' or whatever o_o

and the worst thing is... IT's TOTALLY NOT You D: ...

I mean .. i dunno if i should feel amused or annoyed or both but... reading tweets form someone using my character (renaming them too lol) acting like a complete and total dumb idiot girl (lol again) is kinda disturbing. ._. .. also i am not 14, Gabriel is not 14 ... thats disgusting D:
It's like the roleplayers that take your char just this time, you can read what they write. D: ugh

and what's best is... why only take my character and identity, let's go steal the one of the guy i have lots of pics with so we can be fur-identity thiefs together!


those people REALLY need to get some hobby... like collecting stamps or knitting.
YOU NEED HELP SERIOUSLY.

the day of bills.
Two unexpected ones in the mail with quite high sums >_< ... i hate it when multiple high bills come at the same time.
So i am opening commissions.

5 Flat Colored Sketches - 25€
1 character, no BG, sfw or nsfw, you give a keyword/theme.
those will be done all in one, you won't see anything until it's finished.
examples: [x][x][x][x]

1. Forresttail
2. Keeper_Utonagan
3.
4.
5.


3 Full colored Pinups - 45€
1 Character, no BG, sfw or nsfw, you give a theme/pose.
those are normal commissions and will be shown in sketch stage for changes etc.
examples: [x][x] (both nsfw)

1. Boha
2. Stripetail
3. Roccofox



I might add some later if i finish my stuff fast enough.
The ammount that i would get from those commissions would be enough to pay the larger one of those bills. X___x
(and then i still have no money for rent.. XD lol ... goddammit why can't i find a normal job D: )

Thank you very much for helping!

go here for the Auction

go here for the colored 'Sketches'

thank you :)

Still open for those colored sketches ^^

25€ upfront
1 character

examples
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13507564/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13528962/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13536658/


I do these during the week inbetween as warmups before i work on my full color commissions.


comment with:
a colored reference
SFW/NSFW
a keyword/theme



PS.: What's the difference between my warmup/colored sketches and colored linearts? - with the 'sketches/warmups' I don't care about line weight and/or a bit unclean lines. It's fast lines with flat colors.
If i offered REAL sketches noone would recognize anything as my sketches are just circles and shapes without faces most of the time ^^

like -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13363081/
1 character
25€ upfront.

comment -> colored ref, key word (theme), SFW/NSFW

TAKEDOWN ID 28570


I feel honored that you like Gabe enough to fantasize about him and to be all into him but PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL KNOWN GODS: DO NOT ROLEPLAY MY CHARACTER

If i see another Flist using my character and the most disgusting fetishes combined i will seriously lose it.

No, I do not like shit like Birthing, pregnancy, breath control, breast growth (wth is wrong with you?) as well as large tits...
And i especially do not like necrophilia, vaginal sex, prostitution, vore or hermaphrodites.
DO NOT LIKE, DO NOT WANT.

seeing people roleplaying Gabriel with fetishes like that is like RAPING part of my personality.
It's shitty, it's disgusting and it's making me think of just taking down all art related to him.

I did not, I do not, and i never will give you permission to roleplay my sheep characters.
RESPECT it.

I never really cared about my intolerances much, i'd still eat stuff that's not good for me like tomatos or cheese or chocolate and the likes.
Lately my body's reactions to me ignoring my food problems have gotten out of hand. I've had 4 near circulatory colapses over the past few months, one being so bad all my senses already shut down and me being barely conscious. I know my body is rining the alarm there that I am doing stuff that's unhealthy for me but I am at a loss of what to do.

If i eat accordingly to all my intolerances I'd have to spend so much money it's not even funny anymore.
Basically I'd have to cook fresh EVERY fucking MEAL. not every day, EVERY MEAL. no leftovers unless i immediately freeze them.
Things i use to cook have to be FRESH. Means like super fresh. If i want fish best would be i catch it myself. If not, better no fish.
Meat? better kill that chicken myself (ugh never ever D: ... can't eat animals i personally know... sounds strange but i got that from my mom xD who used to count her grandma's chicken every time they ate chicken).
Bread with cream cheese? yummy. But oh my god that bread is full of yeast - no bread for you.
Cream cheese? leftovers from 3 days ago? in the fridge? It's still good - not for you. throw it away! YOHO! there goes the cream cheese. <_<

Basically I'd have to throw away stuff that's been in the frige for more than three days.
I'd have to go shopping every fucking day or at least every second day for fresh food.
I can't get a pizza when i have no time or energy to cook.
I can't eat out anywhere unless i want to look like a total weirdo, torturing the waiter with "what's in that dish?" questions.

Basically I'm forced to just spend money i don't have on stuff that won't make me sick or eventually end up in hospital. ~_~

maybe i should just do as sheep do and start eating grass.

rant over ~.~

i managed to scratch my left eye... ARGH...
does anyone know how long it takes until the pain goes away?

http://i951.photobucket.com/albums/.....psb91d6e00.jpg

Soothing pain in your balls by sitting on top of your sister, who seeks comfort in my bf's lap.
He's so rude....


I still feel guilty for causing them pain but neutering is a necessary thing.

No worries.

I just

(∩｀-´)⊃━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

and

＼(ﾟｰﾟ*＼) ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ (ﾉ*ﾟｰﾟ)ﾉ

moved them to scraps.






i love them emotes :>

Hiatus was shorter than i actually thought it would be.

thankfully my batteries seem to reload fairly quick. My motivation level is raising to 'high' again. :)
though i will still not be taking any new commissions before i get to finish what i have right now, i will be posting some doodles and stuff again. :P personal things. some new color style etc.

probably going to take on new commissions starting next month.

:> and now to all the goodies that i missed *browses submission inbox*

To be true.. I'm thinking about stop doing commissions (at least for a longer time period, we'll see after that).

I've noticed that i have no time to draw what I want anymore. I feel guilty everytime i draw something for myself while I could do some commission work and keep people waiting. At the same time I start to lack the motivation to draw things other people think of that do not appeal me.
I have too many ideas i can not put down on paper because i don't have the time to.
As much as I need the money from commissions to have as much time as possible for my university and private life, I rather take a normal job than be stuck with doing soulless art just because i need to.

I hope to improve my art too while working on my own projects. So once i decide to do commissions again i have some more quality stuff to offer.

at least there will be some more sheep art :)

And help me pay for vet bills. ^^"

Ladder type commission can be found here -> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12635738/


I am also thinking about some experimental "pay what you want" sketches to do inbetween my full commissions.
Regular commissions are still CLOSED.

Thanks. :)

Soooo ... vet bill. ._.
says 200 bucks atm but will go higher i guess.

would anyone be interested in an auction to win a "Valentines Date" commission with Gabe in it?
I thought about a ladder type auction thingy.. not a YCH. so fully custom situation.

yes? no? ^^ ..
i can't take on more regular full commissions yet sadly... maybe a few sketches.

opinion? anyone interested?

Since there seems to be a shitstorm going on and some people are leaving FA:

Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~mirotic

I do have a sofurry account too but that's quite outdated. I may update that one too.

Still FA will be my main gallery.

:)

I noticed i'm a total sucker for asian languages.
they sound so beautiful when sung .. especially Thai X___X ... German singing is so .. so .. urgh.

If you know any good songs wether in korean, japanese, thai whatever language feel free to post :)
right now i'd prefer something in the style of "Unlovable" by Mild. Prefered male singers but if there's a good female voice out there that's not so squeaky I'm more than willing to listen :>

but I'm open for almost everything x) .. as long as it's not Gackt... or Malice Mizer ... ^^
(also no need to post Alice Nine, Shinee, DBSK as i have LOTS of stuff from them)



SO FEED ME MUSIC PLEASE!
Makes drawing a lot more fun :)

an amish housewife.

forgot to turn on the heater for the warm water today. Ended up filling the bathtub with hot water warmed in a pot on the stove.
D: .. what an insane amout of work for a hot bath... ugh. Not my kind of life. *turns heater on*

FA has a maximum upload size of 1280px x 1280px

still sometimes i see art uploaded that is like twice the size. Is this a bug or random or?
I am kinda confused. Sometimes i wish to upload things larger because of details *sighs*

O.o
so i just finished a commission and wanted to scan some pencil stuff...installing scanner.

Aparently my scanner is not capable of 'foreign' languages.
It's talking japanese to me.
Enlighten me please, my Kanji-knowledge sucks o___o

http://i951.photobucket.com/albums/.....ps3e8bc6f4.png