Just been Battle Karting and I'm going to get a nice meal out tonight.

Just having some rambling thoughts but yeah, while I'm looking to save up to buy a Nintendo Switch 2 at some point, I do want to save up as well to by myself an iPad Pro with the pen for the sake of using Procreate to draw my stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I love traditional drawing but I simply don't have the patience for the limited mistakes I can make that can ruin a picture, hence why I often upload pics that I draw with so many errors because I simply want to finish the pic without ruining it even further, I feel with Procreate, I can make many more mistakes and that I can correct them easily without the risk of damaging paper or dirtying it with old erasers.

Also sometimes my diabetes makes it so my hands shake like hell if I have low blood sugar so that doesn't help with drawing tidy lines and if I try and do inkwork, I'm proper screwed.

I could always do a rough draft on paper then scan it then finish it off in the program and hey, nothing says I can't do refined linework, print it out then colour it in my copics afterwards, and I'm sure there's brushes that simulate the effect of traditional sketches and drawings too.

I just want to have more freedom with making mistakes I can correct even after linework and colouring which I feel Procreate will grant me.

If there's anyone who can recommend me an iPad Pro that can do the job just fine that would be amazing and awesome.

Are the types of people who see certain content, mainly kinks and NSFW content on FA, or any social media site and instead of going "I'm not into this but fair play if you do" they go "I DON'T LIKE THIS, NOBODY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO ENJOY THIS YOU MAKE ME SICK MUH TRAUMAAAAAAAAAAA"

And then they create something that is everything that left them fearing for their life over.

I'm 32 today and I'm going to be having a halloween party x3

Honestly, sorry I've been so quiet this past few months and so, life for me has gotten super hectic lately.

I've been given a new role as a line cook at a hotel since the restaurant I worked at got sold to the hotel business next door to expand on their business, lots of people got made redundant and I was lucky to keep my job, it's been so busy lately trying to make sure I do everything right, it's been so busy that I've been sleeping more hahah.

Luckily I've got the entire birthday week off starting at the 1st Nov so definitely gonna be treating myself to some birthday gifts for myself.

I'm still drawing my own stuff though I'm taking my time with studying references and learning forms and shapes and all that jazz, just be patient with me, Rome wasn't built in a day, though saying that, I'd rather draw than typing prompts in a box to do the art for me xD

I might get back into writing soon, speaking off, does anyone know of any free Word Processing software for PC that doesn't require me to spend 80 quid a year just to write smut?

I know it's probably my head being dumb but sometimes I feel like with my art and writing and the opportunities that I've had with other artists in terms of kinship and I feel there's a part of my mind that tells me I don't deserve them, I know the truth is that I'm wrong but sometimes it feels like I don't have a set plan in what I do creatively, I just stumble through until I do something that can be seen of value to people.

Like, I take after DJ Darkfox and draw mainly using traditional methods with Copics and such but I sometimes feel like why should people bother with me when there's others who draw and colour stuff in the same style that can do it better than me, I feel when I draw Mike in copic style, I feel like I'm doing a TEMU version of what I'd like those other artists to draw and it makes me feel like I don't deserve it.

Recently I've been getting random DMs out of the blue on my Telegram and Discord and look, while I appreciate the interest to talk to me, I do want to at least have some kind of sustenance in the conversation instead of a simple "Hi", all i ask is the context as to why you're messaging me, are you wanting to learn about my OCs?, wanting to draw something for me or wanting to get commissions? These are the things I'd like to know instead of being vague or cryptic.

Well, I'm gonna be honest, this year was a mix of ups and downs, the ups were my sister getting married, my grandad getting married and coming out to my dad (even though my sister snitched on me 6 months ago...thanks...you Judas...love you though)

The downs being my various mental breakdowns, work stress becoming too much and my grandad passing away before christmas.

I've also been having a huge crisis of faith in my own drawings and I'll admit, I was wrong to lash out at others whether it was because of jealousy of others getting things I want or frustration that I was making no progress on my own drawings and for that, I'm sorry.

So for the new year I've set up some goals for myself

1. Go back to the gym - Because I've not had the chance to go to the gym recently due to the one I used to go to was a victim of arson, I lost motivation to go and train and thus my mental health suffered as well as my physical health, by going back to a new gym I'll hopefully be able to focus on stuff and hopefully get some energy back

2. Focus on improving my art - I've let my art quality slack this year and it was really affecting my moods, instead of worrying about how long other's art should be taking I'll focus on working on my own work, both written and drawn.

3. Be more open minded about others

I hope you all have a happy new year.

I know it's not the sort of journal update most people want to see here but I thought I'd let you know but Friday morning, I was given the news that my grandad had passed away, he lived a long life but Parkinsons took us from him, at least I got to see him at my sister's wedding and his own before he was gone...

Love you grandad.

If you like big muscles and wrestling/mma art give my good friend a follow on Twitter https://twitter.com/dylan_8481 he's a cool dude and he could do with the signal boost ^^

My birthday has honestly been awesome, got lots of well wishes from friends and family, got some nice birthday cards (even if my brother used one of my red copics to write his card so it looks like it was written in blood haha) but I had lots of food, lots of drink with my family as well as my new brother in law and the best part is, MY DAD HAS ACCEPTED ME FOR BEING GAY!

And I've got three days off work and they all involve buffets, I'm gonna be one fat wuff!

I've been writing a certain series of stories of mine for years and while it's been fun, I'm getting diminishing returns and lack of appreciation from it, so if I'm going to not get anything out of writing for others, I'm gonna write for myself, so until then ALL CURRENT STORY SERIES' on my account are CANCELLED

Anything I do write will be for my own personal enjoyment and for those I know will appreciate what I do, not to give someone an ego boost or a freebie on top of other freebies.

If you don't like the news or feel the shoe fits in this scenario, that's a you problem, maybe some people have grown tired of giving and want to be the one being given!

I really don't write many journals as often as I do, mainly because I feel like I'm just shouting into the void, hoping someone will answer or at least resonate with what I say but in this case, I do want to write this journal to let people know how I've been feeling about myself.

I've always tried to be creative in what I draw and write but recently, I've just not had any motivation to do anything, I'm just spinning my wheels here, not improving at all, doing things for the wrong reasons.

Mainly, I've been lying to myself in believing that if I do things for others in terms of drawing and writing that I'll get something back in kind and then getting angry with myself when the expected outcome doesn't happen, and the result is, because I'm forgetting the basics and the fundamentals, I'm just absolutely burnt out on drawing and writing right now, I just have no motivation to do anything creative.

The truth is, most of what I've done has been out of spite or out of jealousy, specifically when I see people get stuff that I've been wanting for nothing and believing if I worked for it, I can get the same thing and feel superior for earning it rather than getting a handout, whether it be writing stories or gifting people badly drawn art, especially doing it just to get people to notice me in the hopes they return the favor, it's a vicious cycle...

With that said, I'm taking a break from drawing and writing for the foreseeable future, this might be a relief to some, so if that's the case, well done but aside from a few commissions already sorted out, I'm taking a break from commissions too because I feel like I'm just asking for the same thing, "Draw my wolf in your style, just to say I had you draw me to make me look good"

If or when those commissions are finished, I'll let the artist in question post them but I'm not going to share them on my own page because I feel like I'm just trying too hard to impress people.

I don't know when I'll be back posting stuff but I really want to start improving on the fundamentals of my creative work instead of relying on others to do it for me.

Twitter is currently experiencing a glitch where it is mass suspending accounts under the claim of "Suspension Evasion" and a lot of artist accounts have been getting hit by it, as I am writing this journal my account has also been affected by it, I've been sending appeals to get my account reinstated but heard nothing from them yet, I really hope that they sort it out soon.

Gonna be working on the next Ebony and Ivory but this time they're gonna be joined by an Emerald *hiss hiss*

Well considering the unprecedented amount of fuckery that is happening on Twitter, I figured I'd share my Itaku account here, if you're interested in following me to see my art and commissions and stories.

https://itaku.ee/home

I turn 30 this year, so definitely a big milestone for me, even if I'm fighting a cold right now, doh.

Gonna be going out later and having Tapas

So yesterday in case you didn't know one of my trade/gift pics of Mike was stolen and edited into rather crude vore art, after reporting it, it was eventually removed and the user suspended, let that be a reminder to any would be art thieves, I do not tolerate it at all and when I find out I will bring hell to you.

The Amazing  MrMapolomi is holding a raffle where 3 winners can be picked, here's the link if you're interested https://www.furaffinity.net/view/46617646/

Much love to you all and I hope that despite the circumstances things go your way

I want to make some things clear and I hope you'll be able to understand what I'm saying.

While I do draw mostly anthro/furry art and most of my presence on this site is based around my OC, Mike Lycaon, I am not the kind of person who interacts and acts in character, there's more to me than just my OC or Fursona or whatever, that applies to when I interact with comments and notes or whatever, I am also not the kind of person who enjoys having one track minded conversations about certain kinks and fetishes being the only motivation for conversation.

Look I get it, we all have our fetishes but they shouldn't be the focal point in the interactions between me and in the occasional RP with our characters and it should also apply to how I respond to other's works, I want to look at the big picture and talk about the general appeal of the piece, not just write off the whole piece if a character isn't wearing a yellow speedo or something and the same should apply to my own work or work I commish.

I'm getting older here and I don't have time hearing from others "Would it be cool if our OCs did this?" either get that idea commished yourself (depending on the cost I'd go halves on it) or don't waste my time especially if your the kind of person that happily takes free stuff on your birthday yet won't vouch for me even if I'm being a decent person to talk to.

I just wish that after so much giving, it would be nice to be the given for once

Sorry that I'm not another furry who thinks with their dick.