http://www.livestream.com/derpymail

Normally used for my askblog but I am drawing other things today.

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Sorry for no posting, I have been busy with doctor things.
yeah....fuu...

Is ten times better than me and just started posting. show some love.

So my rabbit chewed through my tablet cord, its having difficulties, i have to fix it soon. -_-

Commissions are open

Sketch- 5$
Inked-10$
Flat color- 15$
Shaded- 20$
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Mature content add-ons
Penis- 5$
Animal penis- 10$
Antro- normal price
Feral- 10-15$ (Depends on difficulty)
ect---

Example
(Crappy but example)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5845201
No line, 'FUR' is not being done right now.


Slots

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To be honest, I don't want to do this but I have no choice, No job=No pay=Gru.
I'll try to get them as fast as i can, I am doing refs. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6253188 For those with NO refs (Must have detailed description)
Front view depending on pictures size 15$ + add ons and getting back and side view counts as an extra character since i have to draw the body again, -not going to copy paste-

Backgrounds will add more, I don't like backgrounds cause they take to much time but i will do it.
It will take a max of 5 days if its detailed/ more than one body.
I will draw body parts.
I'll be busy on Friday cause I'm going in for a brain scan.

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Free Commissions
1. -pondering-
2. -idea-
3. -birthday gift.
4.x
5.: x
Thank you for your time and support. Your art will be made. I promise.

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done -

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Free Commissions
1.CandyKimuricon: -pondering-
2. -idea-
3.:x
4.x
5.: x
Thank you for your time and support. Your art will be made. I promise.

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done -

Tomorrow I have to do more stuff, more paper work and then more waiting.
I hate it that I only feel normal online. Or somewhat normal when i can keep myself from rambling to other people.
I still fucked up everything pretty badly and I'm still trying to fix everything.
My ex is graduating soon. I'm worried that we will lose touch.
We still love each other very very much but its scary.
I have really bad abandonment issues and such...horrid past that i keep running into. Keeps getting in the way of my thinking.
I finally remembered things that my second personality finally gave me, I was a dick fuck face.
I've been going to therapy and doing mental separations/merging to get rid of this damn evil mean sona of mine that i had to have to survive growing up. What saved me growing up ruined everything later on.
I'm hoping i still can get a second chance...no...a second wind, things dont look to bright. being friendzoned sucks ass face moneky balls. but i learned from it. I just hope i can remember and keep from doing it again. I've been working with clay when im away from the computer. cause i constantly have to do something, if i dont then i flap my hands and tend to rock. I am rocking right now to be honest.

I already tried not being me. Daemon- My second personality that i used to live in harsh conditions, Ruined it for me.
This isn't a Boo hoo poor me ass pat me post.
This is a I must talk or type it out or i cant sleep post. I cant remember post.
I have horrible memory and only can remember if it is traumatizing or data issued, like things i need to get other people or continue working on if the person connects to me right.

Honestly, and I honestly mean Honestly when I say honestly cause of I don't like freaking lying honestly.
I cant remember good in life unless its repeated to me. I cant remember any vacations or anything unless something bad happened when I was having them. I cant remember happiness from them.
I finally got a photo album so i can take pictures of upcoming events. I'm starting to write things out more and repeat more and more so I can remember. I seem to have more effect on remembering if i make something roleplay related to real life so i think of 'happy stories' then memories. I'm just locked out of memories unless reminded. it sucks.
Honestly i dont remember anything last week. or the month before. Just the bad that i repeated to myself so I would get over it and try to find away to get a new start from the bad.
Flower grows out of shit saying.
I dont remember passwords. christmas most of the time, holloween most of the time, not even birthdays or other happy moment times. I can hardly remember how me and met. I normally ask him about it when i do want to know again.
-sigh-

Anywho on things.
No pure feelings=no art= no updates.
I draw my moods. I draw my feelings so I can get head on, on my art work.
meaning. If the sexual drawing looks good, its because i was aroused and looking at porn while drawing it. Even if I'm not aroused or pleased by what i was drawing.
Same with vore gift art and other drawings like cute and romantic drawings and such.

My brain is blank and its almost one.
IV out.

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Free Commissions
1.- 40% finished (Sooobbb i messed up)
2. -sketching- (Fuuuuu)
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Thank you for your time and support. Your art will be made. I promise.

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Winners
1.- 65% finished
2. -sketching-
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I has mental health appointments so I will drawing these out slowly.
<3 Congrats Winners.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2610061/ <--- commission details.

Today marks the end of my free commission grab.

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Extra
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3. Extras
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Details!
This is where I post my Commission art.
Raffles, drawings, and when Commissions are open and closed is on  Inkvomit
This account will be updated only when a commission is ordered.
| Free
| Commission
v Here
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2640177/

Please post ref AND what you want and such. It ends next friday (8/26/11)






Commission Info/Slots
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2610061/

Commissions are Closed

Sketch- 5$
Inked-10$
Flat color- 15$
Shaded- 20$
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Mature content addings
Penis- 5$
Animal penis- 10$
Antro- normal price
Feral- 10-15$ (Depends on difficulty)
ect---

Example
(Crappy but example)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5845201

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Slots

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Free slots- open*

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When commissions are open, Please note  inkvomit but note all details on this account when accepted. Thank you.

Details-
* Look for journal.

Ever since I have been more acting like myself and not caring i have been feeling better.
A couple days ago we went to ocean world and I ended up answering all the questions the guide was saying almost before they where saying it. Noticing he was getting annoyed I walked over to my friend and told her random facts about the creatures.

I've been feeling really good about myself lately. I still have to do doctors appointments and tomorrow I'll be talking to the disability people for my other problems.
I'm really smart on some things. Even more so more clearly online.
I tend to be more misunderstood offline due to, everything in my brain doesn't come out of my mouth like i can type everything online.

I normally nap three to four times a day due to the stress my body goes through. I haven't held back anything from hand twitching. cloth tugging, head tilting petting soft things, random impulses, random loud noises and closing my hands over my ears to stop the loud noises and its been feeling fantastic.

I still have been getting really bad headaches but they haven't lasted as long as they used to. They still hurt pretty badly but I'm glad more and more of my family is being understanding and reasonable about me being truthful to them.

I have two voices that i do. One for strangers/when I'm serious and one for home and just being me. I sound more 'normal' when i talk to strangers than with family and more childish when I'm with family cause I'm more comfortable.

I have a bad slur at most times and sound like a five year old but I like being able to hear my real voice then a forced voice.

I have figured out that not just my past -which I'm handling a bit better so i don't trigger as much- isn't the only thing to my suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety/loneliness. I've been acting 'normal'. Normally I force 'Normal' behaviors to be normal around friends, family and strangers. That means I stop all impulses, urges and twitching. It can lead to severe headaches and constantly low stamina.
Taking away those problems/being quiet/correcting my own speech all the time. Has helped the pain dull down a bit. Instead of a constant burning pressure its a low pressure/headache that feels like a rubber band squeezing my brain than an overly heated iron claw.
Head twitching, letting my impulses and urges go and do its own thing and hand twitching/flapping/flailing calms the nerves and has less strain on my body.
Letting my urges for random groaning and whimpers also helps the pain. So does sleep. 'White noise' forms into my head normally before the pain starts making it hard to think and do things normally.
Right now I'm having a hard time typing this out so I am talking out loud as I type/ singing in my head to distract myself from other things. Making my mind completely blank. It is easier to type then to talk it out and I still have a problem with 'adult' words. I still have baby speech but i try my hardest to talk 'normally' around others.
Also I have pointed out in myself that Even when I try to put myself in others shoes. Its hard to keep it, since I try to put myself in everyone's shoes before trying to think it off.

Aggravations and anger of loneliness/ trying to be alone when things are getting out of hand are connected to a very hard communication skill I hardly have. It took me three years to finally manage to look at someone in the face for a few minute without looking away. Normally when I look at someone in the face I look at one spot or the black of their eyes. Normally causing everything to fade but that area in a picture. I don't see peoples faces normally, they are gridded out or patched out like a wire frame.
I understand how extremely intelligent I can be (Even though I always feel really stupid). From learning how people work to how to press their buttons, Even more so I can beat puzzles and games in less than a week or so, even if brand new. I have an odd habit of collecting cards and stuffed animals.
As well as moving everything around so its small to big and the numbers/colors are touching. Even more so with color crayons and other games that have stored items in it or creatures. Move sets normally have to be in line where its smallest first and largest bottom. I have a hard time focusing on things as well. Very VERY hard time. I have a hard time playing over games that i have already played even if its my favorite game and i truly do wish to play it. Same thing goes with learning.
I have to 'forget it' to play or learn it after a while. Even though I can act adult like
It stresses me out more to act that way then how i normally act. When I'm upset I cry and throw a fit. When I'm around others I hide it in and try to act like everything is normal. Normally I only act how i feel around those i trust. So I get rather upset and irritated when i trust someone so much and they make fun of my speech or actions since they are 'little kiddish' or 'pitiful'.
I have a brain set of a 10 year old or younger. Though I can be as smart as someone twice my age to random things and facts. Though my default is a kid. Even how hard I try Even if i act adult.
I slowly fade into depression and illness if i keep it up to long.
I'm typing this as I think so its from my brain right to the computer. Its easier for me to type out all my thoughts then think them through then type them. So when I jump or say rude comments or childish things that I don't mean to it because I am acting on the moment and how my brain is feeling at the time. It doesn't always mean i had thought it through.
I am sorry to anyone I cause trouble to. After all this time acting 'normal' I finally am slowly acting like myself. Its rather hard to fit in with everyone because they can cope normally. I constantly have to fight myself so i can cope like a normal adult.

All and all on everything ...
I'm getting exams done for me. Doing tests to see why i act this way. why I'm always depressed and always alone even though i know everyone is there for me. I'm actually quiet happy cause I'm finally getting tested and they are finally trying to figure out why i cant act 'normal' Why my brain always hurts.
Its easier on me too cause they don't lock me away either. I just go there, get stuff done and talk then come home.

Mother is calling the hospitals today. I'm going to write names down in this journal to rewatch when i come back (so I'm not spammed.)
I don't know how long I'll be gone though.

Wish me luck...

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I have pattern and ideas, but no real fursona that marks me as me. Mori changes to much -beast, rat, cat, ect ect- She changes with my mood but I want a solid fursona before I leave for a long while.
Thats my goal before I leave. Cause my health is still rather down and I still cant control most of my problems with the medications, I'm putting myself into a mental hospital for a while to see if i can stop my past from effecting my future.
My mom has already started getting a hold of people and we are going to continue to try and call people on monday so everything is in motion. I just want to get better.

I have an artist block and i've been rather upset of late.
So I'm just drawing for me.
I might draw something for someone else or sabby if I end up feeling better.


http://www.livestream.com/morir

I got lucky I had a good friend. He helped me with a 337$ pet bill that my family couldn't pay. We don't even have enough money for my medications let alone food or money for the house. With more and more people buying/adopting stray cats cause others can't spay or neuter them there has been less area where my cat can go freely.

(Not for weak stomachs down below.)

She had a deep gash wound on the back of her hindquarters it was starting to get infected so she has a tube there and we have to wash/clean the area and press all the puss out. The fight wound was so bad she had to get stitches and such.

(end of wound description)

I feel bad cause we are going to have to keep her in a rabbit cage till the wound cleans out and make her use a litter box when we normally let her go in and out of the house freely.

I'm going to have to start up commissions again too if I cant get the money after the 27th. -upset face-
I'll keep updated on how she is doing. Take pictures of her (not her bad side cause its really bad right now and gross).
...I almost lost my friend.

The winner of the raffle is  Rally_Fox.
It was picked on a randomizer.

I'm not handling everything very well. I keep trying to get help from only two people and it keeps ripping them up.
I keep falling apart. I keep calling for help and i am really lost. I keep having nightmares. All I want to do is be strong for the one i love but the one i love doesn't want me to be strong for her.
Its hard to stand alone and i was dropped so heavily. It was my fault. She said there is no blame in it but its my fault.

I dont care if it takes years. I want to heal and i want to be back with her. its my only motivation on healing.
I always have a hard time getting friends and i saw it coming. Cause no one lasts longer than a few years before they fade off. When did i think that i could actually have a relationship...

I want to be left alone, but im afraid to.
I'm tired of crying. I dont want to anymore, but im tired of being alone... i keep pushing her away...


I want to do more commissions again. Maybe if i work hard again i'll feel better. I need help...
I need help on everything. my body feels numb so im going to go sleep for a while.


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I'll pick the winner of the free commission soon... just give me a bit more time. I need to get all the names together.

I just went to the doctors. Everything seems to be doing fine but my mental health and some of my physical health from being not healthy.
I'm also living in a house that is triggering my stress and thoughts.

I have PTSD- post traumatic stress disorder. I tend to get suicidal or sick when things trigger.
Truthfully it was worse a month or so ago. I tend to do things like be mean or hurt others when I am going through these phases. During these phases I don't like to be cuddled up on even via internet. I tend to be more distant and stop replying, my art is effected by it too. Because of how i was raised and what happened to me when i was younger I have been having phases of being mentally fine to the world collapsing under me... I've been having nightmares every other night for the past 8 weeks. Right now I am refusing medications. Trying to fix things through vitamins and omega 3 (Which is balancing most of it out pretty well though when my trigger hits its a bit harder.)
I also bought a medical pet. or so 'medical' to help deal with the stress. He is a 1 month slightly spotted Rabbit. Though he does get on my nerves by biting the cage for my attention. He has helped me out a lot with dealing with my loneliness.

I'm sorry for those who read this. Its a journal and I need to keep track of when I feel this way to when I feel great or worse.
today this morning and last night before bed I had a trigger.
It took an hour to settle over a bit this morning and a whole night of nightmares...


I'm no longer taking in commissions right now and everyone has till the 15th to get in their OCs for the free commission raffle
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2402695/


If you did read this. Thank you for your time and I'm sorry if it upsets anyone in anyway.

I'm doing Commissions. How it goes is you offer how much you want to pay, What you want me to draw.
I don't like backgrounds so if you want something in the background tell me.
They have to have Colored Refs.

I'll only have a max 6 (doubt i will anyways)
I'll do fetish arts, (I will say yes or no to drawing it)
I have Paypal, I'll put it up when i can.

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1. - Complete and paid for.
2. -Complete and paid for.


One FREE commssion
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2402695/
Will be randomly drawn. I'm only going to keep that journal up for a week

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Also!
Reddy Is doing Commissions too, His art is super cute and he is super awesome!

http://www.livestream.com/morir

Drawing ADULT drawing right now. More art for Sabby.

Also
Free commission
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2402695/ <--- Put what you want here, One person will be chosen at random.

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Also!
Reddy Is doing Commissions too, His art is super cute and he is super awesome!
-squee-

I'm taking one free commission.
Only one. Post below what you want, Your refs, and what you want.

This will be over on wednesday 15. One person will be chosen.

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Also!
Reddy Is doing Commissions too, His art is super cute and he is super awesome!
-squee-

I am doing Commissions now.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5845201 <--- Idea price stuff.
Its not set in stone. Personally you can get some arts for 10$ I was just brain farting.

All OCs need refs. I can't do arts with out them.

Also!
Reddy Is doing Commissions too, His art is super cute and he is super awesome!
-squee-