So I had / have some creepy stalker who made it his stated mission to continuously report me for nonsense on e621

Because of that I was banned from that site and can't post my stuff there anymore.

So if anyone else wants to post my uploads to e621, with links back to the source, go ahead.

Are here: https://ko-fi.com/M4M25S31/shop

Click to join my server: https://discord.gg/rsyDgy7

There are two main ways to hold a knife;
One point up, and one point down.
Now, in a knife fight, the prize is your life;
Not just avoiding some slit in your gown.

So you've got to get it right, this is a fight;
But which is the better way?
Well, perhaps it would shed some light
If we see what the treatises say.

Now, they seem quite clear;
They prefer by far the downward, or ice-pick grip;
True, the other way they don't exactly bar,
But they never show us that flip.

It's of the rondel that they seek to teach us;
It's thin and stabby and long.
But, what sort of techniques have failed to reach us?
Perhaps the choice of the rondel is wrong?

Now I learnt my knife fighting with a knife like this;
It's shorter and fatter and cut-y.
An attacker with this [the rondel] is just taking the piss
Against me with this; he's surely putty!

I learnt through re-enactment and kung fu,
Not late medieval sources,
And I know that complacency will never do,
So I took some HEMA courses.

I went along with an open mind,
And took a wooden thing like this (for safety's sake).
I tried out their moves to see what I could find,
And, boy, the next day I didn't half ache.

I found that my first suspicion proved true:
The ice-pick grip limits your angles.
There really is just one thing you can do,
and I'd like more options when my life dangles
by a thread, I'm this close to death,
I can feel my heart's heartbeat drumming;
This could be my last pain-free breath.
With just one opening move, he'll see it coming!

It's a good stab, I'll grant you:
It's hard and downward and deadly,
But one stab is many too few.
Now, you hold it this way, you've got a medley!

Try this: hold it 'ice-pick' on the outward side;
You get to here and you're weak, and in pain.
A half-decent force here [the wrist] applied,
And down you go, unlikely to rise again.

It's feeble, and slow, and so easy to block;
An attack from here just spells doom.
I mean, look: you've near enough got me in an arm-lock
And you're not even in the same room!

Now, the treatises do show some attacks
That drop low, and come up like so;
But try that, and I'll be relaxed;
A big move like that is so slow.

You offer your elbow like this to a foe,
One push exposes your back and your head.
So I know you're not going to land that blow;
Before that: forget it, you're dead.

Now, almost everything starts from here [the stab];
So after the block, what next?
Well, assuming you can overcome your fear,
You could try what it says in the text.

Typically you start by grabbing the blade;
It's long, so it serves well as a lever;
Its length acts as a disarming aid;
And it's thin, so it's not much of a cleaver.

But it's often, at least, just a little bit sharp;
So, oh! Mightn't you cut your finger?
Well, the alternative is you start playing the harp,
So just grab it, this is no time to linger.

Now, I'll choose something shorter and sharper,
And I'll grip it my way, and we'll see who's the harper!
And while you go in for some big twist,
I'll slash you - it's quicker - and put a gash in your wrist.

I'll cut through your tendons, under your arm,
And turn your limb into so much slack rope.
I have faith in the speed I do harm.
You dope, to pin on ice-pick grip your hope.

There are other ways, as shown by the likes of Fairbairn Skyes
To stab and slash in a hundred strikes!

So come our dagger duel, I'll hold it my way.
You hold it yours, and we'll see who carries the day


Having taken pause to reflect...
Maybe I wouldn't.
Because that's just what you'd expect.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bteyMFfeaYk

Our Pasta, who art in colander,
Draining be your noodles.
Thy noodle come, thy sauce be yum,
on top some grated parmesan.
Give us this day our garlic bread, and
...forgive us our tresspasses as we
forgive those who trample our lawns.
And lead us not into vegetarianism,
but deliver us some pizza,
for thine is the meatball, the noodle,
and the sauce,
forever and ever.
R'AMEN

there was a handsome prince named: 'dragon'
and in dragon's kingdom there lived a fearsome dragon named: 'wizard'
so dragon went to the town wizard named: 'town drunk' to ask for help
so town drunk put a spell on the town drunk named: 'prince'
which made prince look like a female dragon for the purposes of confusing wizard
then wizard the dragon flew down to meet prince, now a dragon, thanks to town drunk the wizard
at which point the great wizard town drunk cast a spell banishing wizard forever
and dragon was pleased