So I know I've been incessantly plugging this crowdfunding campaign... and I'm gonna do it again, but this time with actual content.

They just posted an update with the fiction I wrote for the book. You can read it here. It's short, and you don't have to be familiar with the game to get it. Go check it out!

Also, as a reminder, tonight at 8pm my time (Eastern US), I'll be doing a reading of what should be the first half of my story "The Kit Gloves Are Off" over at the Blackwarren Books Discord. (I'm on my phone at the moment so I'm going to have to edit the link into the post here in a bit.)

Edit: Whoops, forgot to go back and edit the link in. However, I'm still going to be reading the second half this coming Friday (the 14th) at the same time. So here's the Discord link.)

Okay, so let's try this again, with the correct link this time.

Barring incident, this Friday and next (4/7 and 4/14) at 8pm Eastern US time (UTC-4), I'm going to be doing a two-part reading of my story "The Kit Gloves Are Off" from Samhain Secrets: World Premiere. This is going to be on the Blackwarren Books Discord (lemme know if that link doesn't work right), and I'll post a link to the event listing when it's available.

Also, as a reminder, the Trinity Continuum Player's Guide crowdfunding campaign is live! The Trinity Continuum Player's Guide is a supplement for the Trinity Continuum core book (though much of the material is applicable for other games in the line like Æon, Aberrant, etc.), with a lot of extra rules and setting material for the core game's modern pulp/sci-fi aesthetic.

And this last bit isn't exactly news, but one more reminder that Realms of Magic & Mystery, a book I worked on for Scion, is recently out in PDF! It's a supplement about strange and magical places tucked away within the World, as well as assorted other pocket dimensions and planes of existence. As the term 'supplement' implies, it does require the Scion: Origin book to be able to use it, but if you're already into the game or have been planning to get into it, check it out!

So for anyone interested in such things, the Backerkit campaign for the Trinity Continuum Player's Guide is live! This is a book I worked on and I'm very proud of the work I did for it.

So a bit of game writing I did last year is about to get a crowdfunded print edition. It wasn't initially planned to, but the book in question has been combined with another book into the Trinity Continuum Player's Guide, a supplement for the Trinity Continuum core rulebook. I talk about it in more detail here, but if you've got any questions feel free to ask in the comments. If you're already familiar with the game line and would be interested, here you can sign up to be notified when the Backerkit campaign goes live, which is at 2pm Eastern US time, on March 28th.

Also, as a general reminder, a Scion Second Edition book I worked on called Realms of Magic & Mystery came out earlier this month as well! More info here.

(In case you're wondering, no more progress to report than usual, aside from the above announcements. But no less, either.)

For those of you interested in such things, an RPG book I worked on a while back is out!

It's called Realms of Magic and Mystery, and it's a supplement for Scion Second Edition. The book is about Terra Incognita -- mystical places, pocket dimensions, Overworlds, Underworlds, and the like. Among other things, I wrote the opening fiction.

Which reminds me, I meant to include this in my last journal and fell so deep into feeling sorry for myself it slipped my mind, but over on my blog I've put together a page that's kind of an index for my published fiction, furry and otherwise. You can locate that here.

Unfortunately, this is an update about how little there is to update. I'm still dealing with a bunch of private, personal stuff I can't talk about and the combination of technical issues and emotional/mental toll it's caused has me behind on some things and treading water on the rest. As I've said before, I'm aware that in the past I've been really bad about bottling up my issues and being openly vague about things bothering me, and I assure you this isn't that. I want to be more open about my emotional state and what's causing it, but the decision is largely out of my hands at the moment.

Getting back to the matter at hand, the aforementioned Stuff has made long-term planning extremely difficult, and that sort of uncertainty (in addition to being stressful on its own) discourages me from starting anything new. Creatively, all I can bring myself to do is focus on finishing current projects, occasionally poke at something I started a while ago that might go nowhere, or do prep for my weekly Exalted game.

That's a really long way of saying there's nothing new to report regarding story progress -- still trying to finish Conversion, and I always seem to be one or two writing sessions away but either they're less fruitful than I'd like or they're interrupted or something else. After that will come a revised version of Let Sleeping Foxes Lie. Maybe after that I'll get back into Song in the Dark.

Speaking of which, I'm still looking for feedback on the notion of a name change for the Conversion setting. I've asked multiple times in multiple places and gotten nothing, as is often the case when I put a question to my followers. And I know people are seeing my posts, because I do get replies when I follow up such a post/tweet/link with an unrelated joke or a comment. But that's about it.

I'm not saying this to try and guilt or harangue anyone. I don't want this to be one of those posts. But when I metaphorically corner people to talk to them about this, either they've been assuming I'm getting feedback elsewhere or in private (which almost never happens, even when I ask for it), or they assume their feedback wouldn't be useful because they haven't read my work or they don't think they're 'qualified.'

Thing is, I know my stuff is really niche so I don't expect there to be much general interest. But in general, and in this case in particular, any feedback or suggestions are good and valid, whether it's a vague thought from someone who hasn't read the story, to a detailed diagram explaining in scientific terms what I should do from someone who knows my writing better than I do.

This post has gone on much longer than I meant it to, and I'm going to cut it off before it gets any worse. Just... I'm not in a good emotional situation. I can't talk about half of what's weighing me down, and so few people seem to care about the stuff I can talk about. Normally I'd try to lose myself in a writing project, but right now in particular that feels more and more pointless. But for lack of any better options, I'm just gonna try to push through and get stuff finished.

Thank you all for your patience, not just for these last few months but to be frank the last few years. Take care of each other.

Edit: I fell so deep into feeling sorry for myself I forgot to share this -- I've put together a page on my blog with links to my published fiction. You can find that here.

A more thorough update will come in time, or at least when I have more to report. But I'm posting this because of a thought I've had.

I've known for a while that 'Conversion' wasn't going to be the final name of the story I've been working on for too many years, largely because I've been using it as the name for the setting. But lately I've been questioning whether or not whether that's the best name for the setting. In particular, I feel like it might give the impression that these stories are going to be more transformation-focused. Also, most of the story leads have been second-generation anthros and thus haven't undergone the Conversion process themselves. So I've been considering something of a... 'rebranding' feels a little strong since I don't have much of a brand to begin with, but it seems like the best term for the moment. I'm not sure off-hand what else I'd call it, though. But I'll kick a few things around.

Anyone have any thoughts?

If you're reading this, I'm thankful for you. I try to post that every year, and even if I don't expand on the details, it feels like I mean it a little more every year. Knowing there's at least someone there paying attention means a lot, and I wish I were better at earning that attention.

Which leads into an overdue update on general stuff. It hasn't actually been that long since the last one, and yet it feels like it's been far too long at the same time, because some unpleasant Stuff has happened and is going to take a while to sort out. And unfortunately, it's Stuff that I can't really get into here. I don't just mean that in the way people usually mean it when they don't want to talk about what's bothering them, but there are actual reasons why I can't/shouldn't get into it. And I hate to be vague, especially since I'm trying to be better about that these days, but it's possible even being this vague is saying too much. As much as I'd legitimately rather not talk about it at all, I'd rather not have to dance around it. Just rest assured that it's being handled as best as it can be, there are people I can talk to about it, and I will say more when it's appropriate to do so (even if I don't share every detail).

(And if you haven't heard anything from me privately about it, don't take that personally. The list of people who know anything at all is extremely short, and very few of those know any details. So please don't read into things, and I respectfully request you not ask until I can talk about it.)

Emotionally I'm in a solid enough place, but I'm sure that anyone who knows me has noticed I've been a little more withdrawn than usual even if they don't know why. Social interaction has been a little harder than usual, as even at the best of times I just don't have the spoons for even my usual online presence, such as it is, even when otherwise I'm good. And there are a lot of days where I'm the great clown Pagliacci. I kinda hate having to put on that mask, but the alternative is silence and people either notice that and it upsets them, or they don't and it upsets me. But for the moment, I'm fine. Not great, but I could be worse.

Putting that aside, I do want to address that for months now I've been meaning to upload some scanned artwork and post those old stories of mine, and for a long time I've just been distracted and kept forgetting to put in the time to do it. Then I had my burnout and arm problems, and just when the former was clearing up and I had recovered from the worst of the latter, the Stuff happened and among other ripple effects it's led to some technical issues that have made it impossible to do any scanning or editing for the moment. I'm trying to get functional again in that regard, but there are some factors that have to go into that.

In the meantime, I am finding time and energy to write when I can. I want to finish the denouement of Conversion sooner rather than later, as well as the rewrite of Let Sleeping Foxes Lie, just to have them in a completed state before anything else falls out of the sky on me. And so far that's coming along well enough -- again, could be better, could be worse -- but that's nothing new at this point. These last couple months have shown me just how far I can push myself writing-wise without causing problems, and for better or worse that line is about where I thought it would be. (Better in that I haven't been holding myself back as much as I'd feared, worse in that it means right now I can't really work faster than I have been.) However, in the name of staying positive I'm also taking that as a challenge to still find ways to improve my process, to find ways around those barriers. I'm still being careful with my limits, but I'm confident that I can find a way to surpass or at least expand them in time.

Shit, that feels like a good line to leave off on but I feel like there's more I want to say. But I can't think of anything else useful to talk about here, so I'll just say that I hope those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving had a pleasant holiday, and those of you who celebrate upcoming holidays have a pleasant season. As usual, if anyone has any questions (about anything but the aforementioned Stuff), feel free to ask and I'll answer as best I can.

Just in case anyone's already seen it, to make things easier I've gone back and updated the previous journal with direct links to places where you can purchase the book.

Good news, everyone! Samhain Secrets: World Premiere, an urban fantasy anthology I contributed to, is now available!

In the Argent City, where supernatural creatures like dragons, fae, and tricksters live alongside blissfully unaware humanity, Halloween Night remains the craziest night of the year. A dragon who would be king struggles to establish his identity and find his passion in hosting a popular radio show, while the wily Kitsune seek to unmask a conspiracy against the feuding Tricksters of the City, where anyone could be the culprit. Across the City, a pair of Fae entrepreneurs stake their future on cleansing a murder site for the police, but a nosy Brownie can't accept the given cause of death and suspects murder. And finally, a hopeful actress takes a chance at scoring the lead in the reboot of a much-beloved vampire action series, only to find the audition process far more bizarre, and deadly, than even the most committed actor would expect.
Featuring contributions from Chris Shaffer, David DeMar, Vaughn R. Demont, and special guest Sierra Dean, the Argent City is explored through the eyes of the different denizens that call it home, and the one night a year where the brave and curious can discover the secrets lying just beyond the human eye.

If you didn't pre-order, here's a bunch of places where you can get it:
Direct from publisher
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Kobo
Apple Books
Smashwords

Firing this off while it's fresh in my brain. First off, the arm is very slowly improving. Slowly enough I think I might give my doctor a call on Monday and see if he needs to take another look at it.

Second, though, I've got those writing projects taken care of at this point. I've got some other stuff to catch up on before I work on anything else, but those are at least out of the way. (I'm also pleased to note that I got a lot of positive feedback on my first draft of the RPG book. It's a weird feeling.)

But that does lead into kind of an important announcement.

One of those writing projects was a story for an anthology, and the anthology is up for pre-order! It's currently up on Amazon, as well as Smashwords.

So in my last journal, I meant to also include a basic update on writing projects and such, but it slipped my mind at the time. Not that there's much to tell, but it feels neglectful to have left that out.

So I've got my writing projects to finish up, as I mentioned. I'll have all that work off my plate by the middle of next month at the absolute outside (as in, I have contractual deadlines guaranteeing this). By then I'll also have seen a doctor and so depending on how that goes, I might rest my arm a bit and then after that I'm going to try to finish up the denouement for Conversion.

Hopefully after that, but probably at least partially alongside it in case I'm struggling with writer's block and need to switch gears, I'm going to do a long-needed revision on an old urban fantasy story of mine, one that I posted here many years ago called "Let Sleeping Foxes Lie." There's technically still a submission for it in my Scraps while I decide what I'm going to do with it long term, but in checking it to assess how much revision it needed (and also for reference as one of the things I'm finishing it up is in the same setting), I realized there was too much wrong with it for me to be comfortable leaving it up. (And I don't mean the usual 'everyone hates their own old writing' wrong, either.) So I replaced the file with a placeholder explaining the situation just so wonders where it went if they go looking for it. Which is also why I'm not linking it, because all that's there now is another version of this explanation.

And then, once I have both of those taken care of, we'll see. I've still got Songs in the Dark to work on, and in addition I've got some homebrew RPG stuff I want to do as well that I've been putting off for far too damn long, and more ideas keep coming to me. But I'm not going to pretend I can see that far into the future -- as much as I want to prioritize Song in the Dark so as to finish one project before starting another, we'll see how I'm feeling at that point.

I appreciate everyone's patience in this, and maybe after my contracted writing stuff is out of the way I'll finally get off my ass and get those older published stories of mine posted. I just kinda wish I had some art for them (or at least a more interesting icon), but I'm not sure if it'd be worth the additional delay and money to commission something. I dunno, we'll see how things shake out.

Well, for starters, it ain't going great.

The short version is that I'm struggling. As I think I mentioned before, I had two writing assignments I've been working on. Rather than do the smart thing and focus on banging out the one with the closer deadline and then the other, I tried balancing time on both of them, and one took longer than anticipated, and I stressed myself into a mini-meltdown trying to get it done. On the verge of wrapping up the other, then I have revisions on the first due soon.

In addition, in trying to get stuff done, I pushed myself too hard physically. I've fought on and off with what's most likely carpal tunnel for years, but either I managed to sleep on my arm funny and pinch a nerve or just hit a breaking point, for the last month I've been dealing with pain and discomfort in my right arm, shoulder, and upper back. It's made it difficult to sleep and typing for any length of time becomes difficult. The location and intensity aren't entirely consistent -- some stuff hurts more when I'm sitting, other stuff hurts more when I'm standing, and even when it doesn't actively hurt it always feels at least a little stiff. And Tylenol and Advil basically do nothing for it, though I've been using some OTC topical stuff that helps. It also makes it difficult to sleep unless I sleep in positions I'm not used to, which carries its own issues.

(And then when I managed to find a good position and had my first good night's sleep in weeks, I woke up to news that a friend and colleague unexpectedly passed away.)

I haven't had a chance to see a doctor about it yet because I'd rather see my usual doctor since I suspect this is something that will take a while and I'd rather go through him than start with other doctors and then have to fill him in or deal with him only knowing stuff from second-hand reports. (Also, it's worth noting that some years back I sprained my wrist or something in my sleep, did a walk-in appointment with a different doctor because I went with who was available, and they gave me a $20 wrist brace but tried to charge me for a different one that was $90 and not covered by my insurance. So yeah, not risking that again.) I had a doctor's appointment already scheduled for the near future, so I just tried to bump up that appointment -- but between my arm slowing me down a bit and my ADHD because I'd just gotten up and my meds hadn't kicked in yet (and I think I'm developing a tolerance that's reducing their effectiveness anyhow), I was late for the appointment and they rescheduled me to two days after the appointment's original date. So fuck it. I'm just gonna have to tough it out for, as of this writing, a week and a half.

So yeah, not doing great. One of the few things that's kept me sane is that Splatoon 3 is out and on my couch it's really easy to sit in a position where I don't suffer from the pain or discomfort. But by and large, dealing with my arm and back has drained a lot of the mental bandwidth I use to be social (even before, again, struggling with pain in my arm when I type), so I haven't been as good about keeping up with people online, which has made me even more miserable.

And, um, that's it for now.

Sorry, I've meant to do this before now. Motivation continues to be a problem, and I've had stuff on my mind. Sooner rather than later I'll try to get my commissions from Fur the More and Anthrocon scanned, and then maybe finally get around to digging up those other stories of mine to get posted. (the biggest challenge there is that I don't have an easily-accessible digital copy of the published editions, so I need to dig up my final submitted manuscripts, do a quick comparison pass with my print copies just in case, and go from there)

Speaking of which, I enjoyed Anthrocon, there were a couple of minor issues that were on my end rather than the con's but it was still good to get out of the house for a weekend. If anyone's wondering what the con was like given the current situation (and thus possibly get an idea of what to expect for the near-future), feel free to ask whatever questions. I'm not sure what would be interesting enough to volunteer, or else I would. So feel free to ask!

Writing-wise, I'm still working on that anthology story. I've also had an RPG freelance gig pop up for a Trinity book called "Brave New Worlds." I was offered it right before AC and got my specific writing assignment during the convention, so I've been working on it as well as the anthology story since I got back. It's one of the reasons why I've been a little brain-frazzled, as I'm trying to make progress on both without getting too burned out, and both have some challenging material to write (fun challenges, I emphasize, but still challenges). It's helped that RL circumstances have held up my weekly Exalted game, as that's given me some extra time to work on them that I otherwise would have spent on game prep.

This does mean that aside from my published stuff I've been meaning to post, my furry writing is likely to be back-burnered for a little while longer. I'll probably get a little something down here and there on them if inspiration strikes, but there probably won't be any dedicated writing sessions probably until the beginning of September at the latest (based on deadlines for other stuff).

And, um... I think that covers it. If you've got any questions about the writing, or the con, or whatever, just ask and I'll answer to the best of my ability.

Honestly, not much has changed from my last journal, at least not enough to comment on.

This is more a reminder than anything else that I'm going to be at Anthrocon this coming weekend. Let's just hope I don't have a freak-out like I did at Fur the More.

So here's a quick-ish, general overall update on what's up with me and my writing.

On a personal level, I've been mostly on an upswing mood-wise, barring the occasional incident, but even the 'down' days are mostly manageable. I still struggle with finding good times to get writing done, but my meds are helping (still working on dosages, but I'm kinda liking the one I'm on now) and this is primarily a case of still trying to work against years of bad habits.

So I'm slowly working on the denouement for Conversion. I've got it outlined and I'm working on it a bit at a time. I could go into more detail on that but I can't think of anything I'd say that I haven't already said about it a half-dozen times already.

Something else competing for writing time/energy, though, is that I'm also working on a story for an anthology in  gwydion78's 'Argent City' setting. As that's got a deadline I've been prioritizing that, but I've been trying to find time to work on both it and Conversion so I don't get burned out. I haven't said anything about it previously because all the time I've spent fighting my own brain when it comes to finishing things (let alone on a schedule) have honestly made me afraid to publicly say I'm working on it before I've finished it. I'm trying to keep this update positive, but I'm at least going to be up-front there. (I've also been planning to do a bit of an edit on Let Sleeping Foxes Lie, but only so many hours in the day and all that.)

Song in the Dark isn't on any sort of official hiatus, but until I've got some movement on the above stuff I'm not tackling anything else story-wise right now so it hasn't even really been on my brain.

The only other thing I've got going on creatively is that I run a weekly Exalted game, and I post regular updates for that over on my writing/gaming blog. In theory I post other gaming-related stuff there, but right now it's just the Exalted stuff and the rare product announcement.

Other than that, nothing major in the pipeline. I'm planning to attend Anthrocon this year, and if anyone wants to meet up there and talk we can work something out, but this far out I can't make any real promises regarding how social I'll be during the con. I'm still a little twitchy about it, especially after the private mini-meltdown I had at Fur the 'More. I might do another convention later this year, but I'm not sure.

I do know that for once I won't be attending Gencon, mostly due to difficulties getting a downtown hotel room close to the convention center. Another year I wouldn't mind driving back and forth between the city center and a cheap hotel on the outskirts (at least theoretically, I haven't tried it), but between having a roommate with anxiety who'd be there with me and my own struggles on that front, I feel like I'd need a room I could walk to if I need to retreat from the convention space, and on principle I'm not letting myself get gouged on off-block downtown rooms any more.

Not really sure what else to say here, so if you've got any questions, just ask.

I hate that I have to say this at all, but... if you're reaching out to me somewhere besides here and I'm not likely to recognize you, I'm going to want to know very goddamn quick how I know you or how we're connected.

Why is this, you may wonder?

Over the last few years I've been cyberstalked by a delusional individual that I made the mistake of befriending for a few months in 2019. Multiple times since then I've had strangers try to befriend me who turn out to be his online friends or, in one recent case, his sister. One time he convinced someone else into letting him use their account to reach out to me, and proceeded to threaten and harass me. He accused me of things I dare not repeat publicly, nor will I repeat the comeuppance he imagined I'd suffer for these imagined crimes.

So if you reach out to me elsewhere and I don't immediately recognize you and I come across as rude or cold at first, this is why. I'm not asking for sympathy, but trying to impress upon folks why it's important not to randomly reach out without swiftly providing context.

So you know that bit, often in cartoons and comics, where someone has to clean a room quickly so they just cram all of the trash into a closet -- often with a trembling door -- that bursts open at the slightest touch? That's kinda how I am emotionally a lot of the time.

For the record, I *am* in a good place right now, mentally. But even at the best of times (or what look like the best of times), I have issues, doubts, anxieties, etc. that are just behind that door. On some days that door strains, and sometimes it might burst open.

I just want to take a moment to thank people for their patience when the room gets messy and I need some time/help to straighten things up. And now, having tortured a metaphor enough for one day, I'll let you all get back to whatever.

So I've started work on the final chapter of Conversion -- which I keep calling an "epilogue," when "denouement" is the more accurate term, I need to get better about that so as not to throw off peoples' expectations. And just musing on things, like how just a random writing experiment became what's basically a novel and a setting.

I'm also thinking about how I've been working at the story and setting long enough that I remember writing Dana and Linda's first appearance in chapter 3, and trying to come up with a future nickname for what was then commonly referred-to as an 'e-cigarette,' partially as an early attempt to seed hypothetical future lingo into the story but also largely because I just hated the term. And in the process I created a term that I've grown to hate more and more every time I come across it when going back to reference something. And I don't mean 'hating my own older writing' like a lot of people do (I mean, I do hate my own older writing, but that's irrelevant), I mean I am embarrassed by the term and regret coming up with it.

(I just checked, and while apparently I edited it out of a couple of places when I updated the formatting and forgot until just now, I didn't get them all. This isn't a challenge to find them, but a warning and an apology.)

But my point is that in between creating those characters and today, a perfectly cromulent term -- 'vape pen' -- has come into common parlance, so when I do the collected edition I can properly fix that. (And while that term may not still be in use in the future, I like it well enough I think it'll last a while. Worst-case scenario, I come up with something better and call the characters old-fashioned.) But it's just amusing to think about, especially as a challenge regarding sci-fi taking place in the future to reflect the progression of technology and other stuff and trying not to become outdated. This isn't even an obstacle specifically for near-future science fiction; while they're not small enough to fit in a human skull without needing special cooling, to be fair, for the last 15 years we've had supercomputers that outperform Data's positronic brain from Star Trek: The Next Generation. (We don't know about the main ship's computer, as the writers deliberately used fictional units for processing power to dodge this specific issue.)

Similarly, when trying to adapt the comic book Global Frequency to television back in 2002 (which didn't work out due to network suit bullshit), the producers had trouble with the fact that the characters in the comic carry cell phones with then-advanced capabilities (technically possible but not available for civilian use at the time), intended to be plausible 'day-after-tomorrow' technology. (By the way, those phones would be on par a bog-standard smartphone a decade later, so that worked out.) For the show, they tried to walk the line between 'obsolete by the time this episode airs' and 'basically magic,' and it was a constant struggle. On at least one occasion they thought they found that sweet spot, only to discover less than a week later that a semi-underground electronics market in Singapore was offering components that would have made it possible to build the phones.

I dunno, I don't have anything clever to wrap this up on other than to say that despite the writer's failings as a human being (which he is supposedly working on), Global Frequency is still an incredible comic and I recommend reading it. It's just a 12-issue limited series, low-continuity, so easy to read in bits. Also, while the video quality isn't great because it comes from a 2002 screener copy and there isn't exactly an HD remaster coming any time soon, I highly recommend looking up the leaked Global Frequency pilot on YouTube.

So I was considering a journal post talking a bit about stuff I've thought of doing in the Conversion setting -- future projects, unfinished stories I still plan to complete, etc. In the end, I decided against it because one of those unfinished projects is especially frustrating to think about and trying to write about it sent me down a bit of a spiral.

But it did get me thinking -- is there anything any of you would want to hear/read from me in between posts or other updates? Is there any sort of entertainment value I can provide when I don't have story developments to share? I can't guarantee I'll be able to fulfill any given request, but I'm at least open to ideas.

First off, apologies if you're an artist I follow and I've inadvertently spammed your +fav notifications. I unintentionally neglected clearing out my submissions list for months and just went through them all at once. (I was looking at stuff, just putting off downloading and +faving things for the most part.)

And now, for everyone else, brief updates -- while I'm not going to insult anyone's intelligence and say things are full steam ahead, I think I'm at a mental place where I can work on finishing up the Conversion epilogue (though it's not too late if anyone has any suggestions or thoughts regarding it). I know I said I was going to do something else first, but I think I wanna do this and get it done while I can, before the mental tide shifts. I can't give any estimates on when it'll be done, but it'll likely be the next thing I finish and post.

Well, sort of.

I keep putting this off, but I want to dig up my files for my stories in ROAR 8, FANG 8, and FANG 9 and get them posted here. I'm just not sure if I want to convert them into site-readable text like the others, or if I want to do something a little extra fancy like put them into a PDF. I'm also not sure if I want to use the same icon for the stuff that's actually been published (particularly the adult stuff), but I don't really have anything on-hand I can use as an alternative pic. I probably could/should commission something at some point for that. Just a matter of figuring out what I want it to look like and who I want to do it. But that's another issue for another day, I'll probably just tweak the text on the image on the icon I use now in the meantime. I'll think it over while wrapping up Conversion.

I feel like there's more I want to say or add, but nothing's coming to me. So I just hope you folks are doing okay. And if you've got any questions about any of my work here or elsewhere, just ask.

So in case you missed it, a while back a Trinity Continuum: Æon book I worked on, Prometheus Unbound, came out in PDF. Well, it's now become available in print on demand for those of you who might want a hardcover copy!

You can find that here, at the normal product page.

And as a reminder, if you're looking for more gaming books that I've worked on, you can find those here.

I didn't mention it much here, but this past weekend I attended Fur the More, my first convention since, well, Fur the More 2020. Only the second time I've been out of the house for more than a day in that time. And it was okay. The health precautions were bearable after the last couple years. (The closest thing to an issue was on the hotel's end, really.)

My bigger concern was more of a social one, and to be honest I handled that badly (as I implied, if you follow my Twitter feed). In particular, I've been so down about my writing that I'd built up this critical mass of dread regarding talking about it at all. I guess I feel like a pitiable figure regarding my writing already, even before things went to hell, and the thought of talking about my failures in person even to sympathetic ears was just too much. Yes, I'm aware a lot of other writers have struggled under the weight of the pandemic, and that I built this all up in my head to an unreasonable degree. (I've not meant to imply that my feelings are in any way rational or logical.) But I still isolated myself socially and feel incredibly guilty about doing so. And that's just something I'll need to grapple with. I don't think anyone who would have been there and expected to see me is likely to see this, but if you were at the con and hoped to see me there, I'm deeply sorry and I'll try to do better in the future.

Also, while I'm not going to call anyone out by name, I do want to take a moment to thank someone for some kind words they shared this weekend. The timing of them was unfortunately bad, as between convention stuff and having a bad brain day I didn't really get the chance to sit and absorb them until the worst of it had passed. I still greatly appreciate it, though.

In completely unrelated news, while I'm here, I wanna take a moment to promote a friend's novel. "Redcap, Whitecap, Goblin, Thief" is an urban fantasy novel by Vaughn R. Demont. I mean, I can't think of anything I could say about it that isn't already on the linked page, so go check it out. I beta read it and contributed to the setting many years back, and I think it's some of his best work.

So I know it's gonna seem weird that I basically have an online meltdown about my writing and then I post... well, this. But I mean, I'm just in a better mood today. Cope.

Onyx Path Publishing is celebrating their 10th anniversary, so they're doing sales on a bunch of the gaming books they've put out. This week's sale is Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th Anniversary edition, and all these PDFs are 90% off! I worked on a couple of the books on this list, particularly Rage Across the World and Umbra: The Velvet Shadow. You can find everything on sale at this finely-crafted link!

But this sale is only for this week, so don't wait!

So I've been meaning to post this for the last month or so, and I just keep putting it off. As I've mentioned previously, I haven't been in a great headspace, particularly writing-wise. Honestly, it's probably just being cooped up too much because of winter, SAD and all that. I've also properly fucked up my sleep schedule, which may be a factor as well. Regardless, because of that headspace, this post isn't going to be an especially positive one and if that's going to be an issue to read right now I recommend bookmarking it and coming back later when you've got the spoons. My inability to muster up a more positive version of all this is the primary reason I haven't written it and posted it before now, but I'm tired of just holding it back.

So, writing projects of varying sorts--

Conversion: Aside from some brainstorming, I haven't really started on the epilogue to the main story and I haven't really written anything new in a while. I started something new in the setting, like, last April or May for an anthology, but it just didn't come together in time for the deadline and it's sitting unfinished because I'm just having some issues bringing it together that I don't want to get into here other than to say that if it was as simple as take the cartridge out and blow on it'skip the tricky bit, write the rest, and come back to it later,' it'd be done by now. As for the 'main story,' the one I've been working on for too many years (which at some point, probably when I do a collected edition, I'm going to rename to better differentiate whether I'm talking about the setting or the story itself), the epilogue is largely stalled because of the lack of interest. I don't mean this as a slight towards anyone who is enjoying the story, but quite frankly I get so little feedback on it and I'm tired of begging people to even give the slightest indication that they even read it. Multiple times I've asked if there's anything in particular anyone wants to see in the epilogue, any questions they'd want answered, etc., and I've gotten no response or even acknowledgement.

So the epilogue is going to have to wait a bit, because to be honest it's sitting a little sour in my head right now. I will get to it, if for no other reason than to eventually say it's finished, but I can't say with any certainty when that will be.

I have been planning on digging up my stories that have appeared in FANG and ROAR and posting them here, as I'm 99% certain it's been long enough that I can do so. But that will involve some formatting and maybe figuring out an icon for those (or at least the adult ones, to differentiate them), because I'm increasingly feeling awkward using the same icon of Lawrence for all of my Conversion stuff but I don't have any other artwork reflecting the setting that I could use.

Song in the Dark: Maybe it's because it's a more personal project (for reasons I explain in the most recent chapter, but this has been going better in my head. I've got a roadmap as to where it's going, and I find it a little easier to get into. But as I just recently posted a chapter, I want to work on something else for a bit before going back to it.

My unnamed urban fantasy writing thing: Just as an acknowledgement, this has been a thing I've poked at when I just can't work on anything else. I don't know where it's going, if it's going, anything like that. I appreciate that I did eventually get some feedback on it after literally begging for weeks. I have rewritten that chapter a few times, though I've kept it to myself until and unless I decide what's going to happen with it. Maybe it'll just become another longer project I use for worldbuilding and then write some stuff in the setting that grows from it. I will say, though, that such a longer work wouldn't be posted chapter-by-chapter the way I did Conversion, because while I don't mind sharing stuff with friends who want to beta read, posting things publicly and then feeling limited in my ability to change them later as the project evolves was a major problem with Conversion.

What's to come: Honestly, I've been kicking around the idea for far too long without doing anything about it, but my next goal is to try and actually get some RPG stuff written, specifically some community content (meaning fan-made but authorized) for Æon and maybe some other games. I don't have any freelancing stuff on my plate and don't know when I will again because that's not entirely up to me. (As I've said in the past, that there are people willing to pay me to write things, very few have been eager to do so and I'm just bad at networking on top of that. I've got one more book I worked on still to be released, but after that I don't know when or if I'll be asked to work on anything again.)

I've talked about doing some RPG stuff with the Conversion setting in the past, likely just a Fate supplement with some setting material and guidelines, but I legitimately don't know right now if I can justify the effort. I could probably accomplish just as much by linking people to one or two books that already exist and letting them read the stories for the setting info they need.


Anyhow, that basically covers my current writing 'status,' and now I want to address something. I've alluded to this before, and I normally dance around it a lot when I publicly talk about my writing, but I get almost no feedback or response to my stories. On very rare occasions I have private conversations with friends where they'll express enthusiasm for a story or a particular character, and I do appreciate that, but other than that what you see online is what you get. I've had multiple conversations with people (those same people among them) who are legitimately shocked to find out that I don't regularly hear from readers but it's the truth. I just don't, either privately or publicly. I think the only time I've had someone I didn't already know initiate contact to privately talk about a story was an incident I recounted on my Twitter some time back, and the fact that I refer to it as an 'incident' tells you what you need to know there.

(I also have friends who've somehow gotten it into their heads that I regularly, privately, 'talk shop' with other writers, seemingly based on no other logic than we all co-exist on the internet. But aside from a week I spent at the RAWR workshop a few years ago, I rarely really talk with other writers -- even my fellow RAWR alumni -- and even then, when I do, it's almost never about writing itself. But that's a different, albeit related, issue.)

I usually don't talk about this because I don't want it to look like I'm devaluing what responses I do get to my work. But I get almost no feedback aside from what you see publicly, and much of the private feedback is actively solicited from people beta reading. As of this writing, in the last... oh, let's just be arbitrary about this and go back to when I started posting Song in the Dark in February 2019... in the last 3 years, ten chapters in all between Song in the Dark, Conversion, and my writing experiment, I've received four comments on story stuff I've posted from as many different people. Two of those I got on the experiment, and only after a couple of weeks of posting the link pretty much anyplace I thought I could get eyeballs on it, actively requesting people come and check it out. If I add SoFurry's statistics for the same period (though I actually stopped posting there a while ago for a few reasons), I add two more comments actually about the stories from two more people, one of whom was a beta reader. A couple of times in the past I've had one person leave comments on a couple of different Conversion chapters, but I've never really had 'regular' readers over a long period of time. Or if I have, they haven't said anything.

(Incidentally, I don't get a lot of specific feedback on my RPG writing either, usually because I don't wind up working on the 'exciting' portions of books. Generally if there's already a discussion happening about a book I worked on and someone realizes I'm there, they might say something. But I don't get people hitting me up on Twitter or Discord to tell me they liked a thing I did in a given book. Pretty much all the specific feedback I get comes from developers I've worked with, and that feedback is literally part of their job.)

Like I said, I don't normally talk about this, but it's sat heavy on me and I probably should have gotten it off my chest a while ago. I appreciate those of you who have shared your thoughts on my writing, and despite my frustration I do appreciate those of you who read at all but don't say anything, even if I'd really rather know that I'm being read. And I know that part of the problem is that I don't post more regularly, so it's probably harder to maintain interest. But part of the reason I don't post most regularly is the lack of interest shown from other people. It makes me feel like my energies could be better spent elsewhere.

I don't know if there's a good solution aside from just 'keep hammering at the keyboard like an infinite number of monkeys until I get lucky.' I wish there was a good solution. All I know is that I don't have much more than this, and some days I get to explore a fantastical world and lead some characters through an adventure, and other days it feels like masturbation but with less payoff.

I also know that this post has gone on too long, and I can't think of any clever sign-off other than to thank you all for your time and whatever thoughts you've had to share on my work.