On a summer morning where the morning sun was barely shown spreading beam's or pink, purple, orange and red, across the sky. the cloud's showing their shape after a night of hiding show's a small house sitting deep in an ever green forest. the tree's and grass still wat with morning dew. birds waking up and letting everyone know with their song's of excitement. there was a small home with a stone chimney shooting out of the side of the roof. and dark ever green log's made up it's walls of the two story building. a brownish red color was gleaming off the roof with the morning color. there were window's on each side of the building on the upper floor but on the bottom the only window was on the front and back doors which were a bright brown glistening with details of swirls and lines. but inside where wasn't much. when you walk in the front door you see a small entry room with two or three golden coat racks. with thick coat's hanging heavily on them with boot's linign the floor under them. walk in deeper you'll fine your self in a living room. with a long brown couch across from a large brown chair. in the center was a low laying wooden table again covered in swirls and details of excelent craftsmanship. and hanging on the gray walls where many painting's of scenery and some figures walking through the forest or fighting in war's. but across from this was a kitchen with silver tiled counter's and many drawer's of cups and bowls of plates all made out of glass with the same swirl's and lines on them. and a silver fridge filled with meat's of many animals and fruit's and many green's and sauses. but next to this was a large open door of a drak green inside where cheeses and spices and flour's and dow's and breads. but across from this was a hall. at the end of the short hall was a stair well. going next to a locked door up to the stair case lined with painting's. up the stair well were swirls and lines of many different color's. up stairs were three door's. one of which is a perfectly clean bathroom with many soaps and shapoos lining the shower and tooth brushes in a bowl next to the silver sink. again all of it lined with the same design. but behind the other door's of different color's. the first one was a dark red. the second was a dark blue. both having a strange signiture on the door. one saying the name Drake and he other the name Slate....

This is all I want to do right now. tell me what you think.

I dont know if I should though cause I love making stories and I love even more drawing.
and I'm very good at making stories.
ask anyone who's seen my instant stuff or improvising. I can make thing's.
but I don't knw if I'll be able to make a very good tradiional looking comic.
adn my style fit's a comic perfctly.

And if I were to make one I wonder how many of you would read it.

I have some sotries in mind and some story idea's. and some awesome story lines.
what do you all think.

This past few day's have been the darkest I think I have ever had to go through.
Let me fill you in.

After the night of being with my BF... I lost my verginity to him. I didn't plan on it. but I loved him so much for so long I thought he was the one. but the next morning still loving him... I had to go home. and once when I drove home still loving him I got a message from him saying.... I'm straight now...

He told me it was his mother that did it. but then he told me that he was the one that wanted to be straight. after all the thing's I went through to call him my boy friend. the day after I love him all night with no sleep. he tells me he no longer loves me. in fact he told me that even while we were in the bed together loving and kissing and ending in my loss of my verginity he didn't even love me. he told me he only loved me for a little while. and he didn't even love me he only liked me. a little.

He stole so much from me... my first kiss... my first crush... my first love.... my first Boy-friend... and worst of all my verginity... I will no longer be able to look at my love and say he is the only one.... he stole so much from me. I HATE him for that he told me he loved me and he told me he would love me for a long time to come and he told me he loved me for years. and it was all a lie.

the one person that loved me didn't really love me. my truest love was all a lie. he never loved me.

But I want to thank some people for being there for my darkest day's. talking to me and keeping me alive. cause if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here typing and loving you. these are my favorite people.

 tofubread

 pinfox80

 GeminitheZodiacWolf

My friend carrie. not a furry.

these three people talked to me through the entire night and refused to stop talking to me until they knew I was okay.. and I love each of them for that. for now I'm doing fine.

I'm now doing fine I'm smiling again thanks to them. and I'm back into the light and loving all of you. and being the happy cheerful fox.

More good new's. MY Dad and Mom Are Now Okay With Me Being GAY. their okay with it.

Ask me anything you want.
can be personal
or maybe furry
or maybe something odd.
I don't care go wild.
love you all enjoy.
I await your question's.

OMG....You know the guy that I said went "Straight" Well..... I have never been so wrong in my entire life.

He said that so that when I want to his B-day party. he looked at me and said... I have a suprise for you.
Now me not knowing anything was feeling down during the bginning of the party. but then later he lock's the door to his room and kisses me shyly on the lips.

MY MIND WAS FUCKING BLOWN.....

I looked at him suprised and blushing redder then a ripe apple. and he say's.
"enjoy your suprise"
I was blown away.... He was never straight. he wanted to first kiss to be so special and that I wouldn't ever see when it would happen.

And I don't know one other person who would of done that to make a first kiss that much more special.
after that we had a straight friend. he was cool but he got really weirded out. but we didn't care cause he was incharge of the door.

The rest of the time we spent the entire time together and we didn't go to sleep we snuggled and kissed and loved eachother more and more. And he finally took a nap on the couch in my arm's.

but of coarse with this. his parent's don't know he's gay. and neither do mine. so we had to lock the door and keep it on the quiet.

But he is the most special person in my life...Now that I think of it. I had ALOT of first's that night.
I love him.

I'm looking for some soft but firm wire. something that has no spring to it. when you bend it will stay there for the most part but it's also soft enough so you can bend it in your hand's.

I'm looking for something to use for my sculptures so I can get back to work. cause the aluminum foil just isn't strong enough to stay in nice little skinny rod's but also hold up my sculptures.

I'm recommending 2mm aluminum wire...what do you all say.

Physical pain is easy. but I barely ever feel it. broken bones and other thing's have never come my way. And I don't think they will.

But over the year's what my body has been lacking in pain my heart and soul have taken more and more of a beating. and I think They're growing numb. People I love lost. Animals I've raised gone. And now the man I love.... Just woke up this morning and decided that he was going to be striaght fo now on.

After all the times he's made me feel special. after all the times he's told me he needed me. after all the time's.... After all the....After all the time's He's said He loved me. and all the I told him I could never love anyone the way I love him. After all the emotional up's and down's trying to get with him. now we're together. and it lasted a day before he.....
He FUCKING WOKE UP AND TOLD ME OVER NIGHT HE HAD BECOME STRAIGHT.
Just like that woke up wrote me a nice poam and told me he was straight.

I don't think my heart can take these waves of attack's. wave after wave. my glass heart is getting more and ore cracks in i and soon.... it's gonna shatter.

TMI Wednesday How's that. ask what you want but guess what it's wednesday. so that mean's extra special question's.
That what wednesday is. You all get to ask what ever you want. Nothing bland or normal. that's what this is for. this is for question's that make the person think.

So Enjoy.

The heart doesnt know what gender you are. it doesn't know your back story or what you look like. and it doesn't care.
The heart will love the heart that makes it glow. that's what inner beauty and love is.

I've been very unactive laterly and I apologize for that.
but the reason for that is cause my computer's been dead.
and the charging cord as broken. but now I've fixed it and it's alive again
and I'm read to post some things.

Okay so I want to get a flat tummy. I don't want it muscular or even a six pack. I just want to have it thinner and still remain soft. I know friend's that have been over weight and have done it. and I've wanted to et skinnier for a long time.

and sense you guys haven't lt me down yet. I thought after hour's of looking online I wanted to hear your all thought's. about what I should do.

Me personally I know alot about ow the body builds up fat and the best way to get rid of your excess gut is to jog and to eat less. cause then your using alot of your muscle's including your body and core. as you burn and sweat away alot of calories. so you topple the balence and now your getting rid of more then you can make. focing your body to go into it's preserve. AKA your fat flab infront of your stomach. AKA your tummy.

SO I want to know. is jogging what I should do. I've been doing it and the result's are visable. but I wanted to know if any of you had some better tips.

No six pack. not even a muscular body. maybe some muscle you know to keep the fat at bay. I just want a flat soft huggable tummy.

Okay now I've heard of some low thing's. but this top's it off.
If you live near this area plz help find it.
if not. please just pass on the journal.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5848693/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5848693/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5848693/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5848693/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5848693/

In my life I'm gonna cry my self to sleep. To think just last night this very same person almost had heart's literally floating around my head. and now I'm going to cry me self to sleep knowing I'll never have a chance with him. cause I was too late. by three day's I was too late to nervous to tell him I love him that I was too late for someone else to step in my way shoving me to the ground.

I saw him and instantly fell in love. but I was so nervouse to tell him so. it took me a while just to say Hi to him. and the more I talked to him. the more and more I loved him. and then I finally told him I loved him. the first time I told him. he showed me a picture of his Boy friend.

I will never stop loving him. But If only I would of built the gut's to say something sooner. then maybe I wouldn't be crying my self to sleep because of a picture he sent me of him and his boy friend.

I'm in a corner of my room tear's running down my face knowing. I'll never be with him. no matter how much I try. he will always love someone else.

The broken heart of joshua phillips. Not drake not slate not even a fucking furry. the broken heart of Joshua phillips.
who is now crying himself to sleep.

Yeah I'm finally....Still a minor. XD
this birthday I'm guessing is gonna be like most of my birthday's.
I wake up and grave my self a bowl of cireal. then go to school. and maybe have one person out of the hundred's that know say something to me. then I'll probably get made fun of cause I'm gay and a furry. and then probably do some work to come home to nothing more then some people that at least rememdered to say a phrase that has almost no moral meaning.
Happy birthday.
There is nothing happy about my birthday. this year or the last year or even the last before that.
I mean YAY it's another reminder for me that it's been another 365 day's which don't mean aything to me. only to everyone else for some reason. all a birthday tells me is that I'm getting ever so closer to my last one.
I don't even have a party. I tried having one once. and no one showed up.
So thank you all that like to say something about it. and thank you to you all that actually might actually give a flying flip.

On the other hand.


My birthday to me can be one of the most fun day's I ever have. I remember one time I went to a skating ring. wait no that was someone else's. Ow yeah i remember once I had an Airsoft party....wait no that was someone else. Ow no that was when I went to chucky cheeses when I was yonger....wait no again that was someone elses.
Maybe it was when my grandmother came down from new york ust in time to help me celebrate. No that was my sister's birthday party.

damn...I was trying to sta positive and try and tell you all how happy I am about my birthday.
but I guess it's really not all that much of a day. nothing more then a senseless holiday in which you feel like you have power all because this is the day your sorry ass got brought to this earth.
And I want you all to know I'm not tlaking to any of you. more of a hypothetical sense. don't want anyone to get offended.

I remember my last birthday. I remember my one gift given to me by my family the gift it was a lovely gift. I got I got a tooth brush.
yeah I'll just add that to my collection of brushes.
Sorry if any of you are feeling somewhat depressed I didn't maen to do this.

Let's try and brighten thing's up.

My birthday tomorow will be the first day I will finally have my crushes phone number. YAY
I wish we could be dating. but he has a boy friend so that's kinda out of the question....for now I can only hope cause I can not literally get him out of my head. he is amazingly hot and has the most amazing personallity.

Also I'll be able to get my language learing kit. for german finally and will be able to learn it over the summer so when I go to high school I can really fuck with some people. XD
As for home I'l be able to come home from my promotion and make some finishing drawing's for my sketches. although i could do that anyday.
But I can't do one that say's happy birthday on it now can I.

if your still reading this I want to let you know I absolutly love all of you. but shhh don't tell anyone else. XD

So yeah My birthday is June 12 tomorrow or today depending on when you read this. or where you are.
And I'm gonna be a happy lovable birthday bot making other pepole happy as I suffer.
So hope you all have a nice day and I love you all. good night and good bye...for now.

thank goodness he let me use the soddering sttion to put the cord back together cause guess what/
I"M BACK!!!!!
wasn't gone for long. XD

Yeah so my charging cord of my computer
Is broken and the battery is empty so
Now I'm using my half dead iPod my dad
Gave me cause he got a new one so
I'll be offline for some time till things
Get fixed

-__- I wanted to type something before I went off to do my EOC's. so hae at it with the questions.

I'm abslutly covered in poison oak ad Ivy.
and it's all over my hand's. so that means no drawing no sculpting no nothing for me I probably will still be able to type and talk to you all ad comment o piece's. but for a week or so there will be othing from me.
Thank you for reading and have a glorious day.

For some honest artist tips. Please.

I really do like to draw and I love shading my piece's. but I was wondering if any of you had any tip's for me with shading.
cause to be honest I think my shading is over done and somewhat sloppy. And I look at some pther people's shadins and how sutle and beautiful it looks with the piece's.
So I'm jus asking if any of you had maybe some tip's for me in shading. cause I would really like to improve there.
Now shading with color is a whole different animal I'd like to tangle with leter on in my art developement.
So if any of you have some seggestions for me. please My ear's are open and ready to hear and learn.

okay so after getting thrugh half of my lift. I am Now out of wire and clay.
But I'l be heading over to the art's store as soon as possible.
Thank you all of you for your paciance with me I plan on getting them painted and mailed to al of you as soon as possible.

if there are any question's you have about how I make them. or anything clay wise with why or how I do thing's.
Nothing special. Thank you for your time.

Okay so I was preasured into telling them you know that I was gay. Okay at first they laughed because they didn't believe me. but now their going on and on about how I'm not ACTING gay.

so my question is. how do you act gay. and I asked them they.
and hey told me I wouldn't like lego's or star wars as i was yonger.
then they went on to telling me how all his friends kept on telling him that I was ALL MAN.
so now appearently I'm not all man cause Now I'm gay.
DAMN I WISH I WOULD OF WAITED A LITTLE LONGER TO TELL THEM.

Now this is another thing. their telling me how I must be forcing my self to be gay. how I'm not naturally gay. how I heard someone tell me I was gay and I want to believe it. BULL SHIT. I've been gay for as long as I can remember.
I just have constantly been hiding it you know. having guy's as friend's. cause appearently gay guy's don't have guy friends.
Also their telling me at first that it was too soon for me to know for sure. that I was too young. But now their telling me there would of been signs of me being gay alot earlier.

I just hate how when I said what their saying is just steario typing. they got soo pissed at me. AGH. like they know who I am. hell they can't even have a conversation with me with out them getting pissed.

I so wanted to just say. It's my life screw you if you don't like it but I guess that's for later on in life when I have a boy friend.

Please of someone can help me in any way or have any advice for me please tell me. cause I don't know what to do. their hating me ever sense I told them and even more bricks are being put in place between me and them.

Yup I signed my self up for a program to help me learn german. and also in the matter of only 10 day's. or maybe more. but one of my friend's took it and I hardly believe that he even know's english when he speaks. he sound's like he was bor there and I have been to germany. so yeah he really does sound like a german. but I have been wanting to know german for forever and i can't wait till I get the program. I won't know how to write it. but it's safer that way. to learn to speak then learn to write. it's actually how you shold learn a new language. anyway. wish me luck.

Hallo been a while sense I did one of these.
but you can ask any question. dirty or clean.
strang or normal.
romantic or fun.
mean or nice.
I don't care.
you can also ask more then one. so Have fun with it

I know my account has been pretty slow and empty for a while. but to be honest I really do have quite a bit of art to post but I don't feel like posting it. feeling a bit lazy. other then some clay stuff.

so yeah I wanted to post something so none of you came looking for me. XD
but I know some of you don't care and i love you all the same.

but I have a new mtaphor about what life is.

When you are born you are born in a large room with many locked door's more then you can see. but infront of you there is a small key. that key goes to the first door. everyone goes to the same door when thay are very yound except for some tht go off somewhere else in serch for the key. but inside of the room is an experience. rather a happy one like a dance where you found your love. or an evil one like going off to military camp. but you decide where each door leads you to. for inside the first door is a room full of many key's. ach one with their own meaning and their own life bhind them. you can only grave one. so you do. now you in the large room again with the new key. you srch around the halls for the door. you unlock it. and it bring's you to a new experience. you must live it. rather by leaving the experience or living it. but when it is over you are in the larg room again with a new key. so again you go looking for the door andd living the experience.

now here's the question. do you dolly around in each room and do nothing getting nothing new done. or nothing accomplished by making mistakes and doing wrong. or do you not give your slef enough time to live the experience's.
constantly finding them but looking forward to the future and skipping it looking for the next key.
or do you enjoy the key before you and live what you can in your life. but live it happily.

Some word's to live by.

Okay now some other thing's i want to talk about.

I have been seeing some thing's. that have been happening to people. expeccially on here. and I wish I could do more for you all I really do I don't just come on here to blabber about and post art. No. I come here to talk to you all make you all feel special and happy.
but in today's world that's getting pretty hard. I really wish I could do more for you all. and I wish i could become closer to you all. for in reality I truly do love you all. like you where my closest friend or family.
I love you all from the top and bottom of my heart.

Wish I could talk about more brighter thing's but I can't think of any.

Love you all and thank you for your time.

DID YOU KNOW I COULD....

I didn't I would of never thought that I could. appearently all it is a mind set. Appearently all I had to do is listen to random things I've been told in my llife and complain about it in a certain way. OR you tell them about Idea's youve had that you think might help. and tell them things that have happened to me in my life.....WHAT DA FUDGE. people have told me it's like a science. BUT appearently i have the formula in my head cause I've heard people try....they have no formula. but I don't try and I get half the people to laugh. and when I barly try the other half laugh.
How is this possible.
can someone please explain this to me.
And should i do streams when I get a Cam...
Also. funny journals. Tell me what to talk about next time. XD