There's not much to it, it's mostly me blabbing vaguely about how everyone is nice here :P

https://youtu.be/L9KGO4ZL2Ic

But just in case someone wanted to check it out ^_^ I also mention that I'm thinking of possibly creating an all-new fursona to replace Ness Roach (!) But this is mostly an idea in the back of my mind for now.

Also at the end of the video I talk about my discord server... if any of you want to join, I'm trying to revitalize it:

https://discord.gg/SqWXhyF

Note it is currently mostly SFW (there are some minors in there) but I might add NSFW channels if there is a demand, like if people want to share NSFW art! The main theme of the discord is Harvest Moon and/or Pokemon, BUT if you're wanting to just get updates on my mate (called by "husbando" in the server) you can get a role and only follow that channel so you can safely mute everything else :)

Hey guys, in case anyone is interested, I started a new gaming channel on YouTube. I have an old monetized one but it is a complete mess, and I wanted something more focused to work on without having to get overwhelmed by that one.

This is my first time actually ACCOMPLISHING something in the past like 4 months, so I am really happy about it.

https://www.youtube.com/@thaaoplays

You can check it out here :) My first LP series is Harvest Moon: The Lost Valley with one episode online and another being uploaded right now. In all I've recorded 8 episodes and have 4 edited and exported and ready to go.

In the series I will talk about various topics each episode as the game itself doesn't have a lot to narrate (lots of repetitive actions). In the first 8 episodes I mostly talk about my new goals for self-improvement as I navigate my 40s. I had therapy today and further talked about this and I'm feeling quite motivated.

Don't worry, this isn't about anyone on FA or even anyone you guys would know, just a discord friend I've had for a long time.

Basically, this person is constantly argumentative and negative and problematic it affects my life and gives me way too much unneeded stress. I have had to give up other online interactions because he was involved and ruined it. I stopped streaming on twitch because I didn't want to have to deal with him causing drama and fights but was too ashamed to ban him because we are friends. I also have other friends who refuse to come to my stream or have left my discord server because he is in there. I have tried talking with him about his behaviors and setting boundaries but he just ignores it. Even if I say I don't feel like talking about negative things right now or don't feel like arguing right now, he will just continue anyway.

I have decided I definitely want to end the friendship, and have been stressing about it for about a week, but I don't know how to do it. I feel like I "owe" them an explanation, but I don't think it will help either of us (I don't need particular closure, and he will not learn or grow from any reason I give). I feel like giving an explanation will not help either of us deal, and I will feel guilty equally whether I do or not. I feel the risk of him creating alt accounts to stalk and harass me are pretty much equal whether I give a reason or not.

But still, something is stopping me from just ghosting and blocking. It just feels "wrong." So I've been trying to think of what to say to him to break it off. But I just have no idea. It's so difficult. Does anyone have any idea on how to break it to him that I don't want to be friends anymore? Or should I just ghost and block like I originally felt?

I talked about this a little in therapy, but basically all the advice I got was "you have to find out what is right for you," mostly because I moved on from that topic because I had bigger issues I wanted to talk about that day. The problem is I don't know what is right for me lol.

Hey everyone, how have you been? I have had the most exhausting 2 weeks... pretty much appointments or other responsibilities EVERY DAY... I did have a free day on Tuesday and ended up just sleeping the whole day... I couldn't stay awake no matter how hard I tried. Also recently my body has been aching a lot... pretty much anywhere will ache now and then. Right now it's my left thigh (??) and almost always it's my wrists/hands pretty bad, even when I'm not using them much. Doing anything with my hands makes them feel weak. I need to make an appointment with my doctor but I've been too busy to make a phone call. Not that I don't have the time, but making a phone call requires a ridiculous amount of energy and prep for me.

I also decided to try to get into Marvel comic books... I read a little in the 80s/90s here and there (mostly The Invincible Iron Man) but I don't really remember it very well. I just know Tony Stark was probably my first real fictional crush lmao. For some reason I would always feel funny when he would be in romantic scenes like kissing Pepper. I remember once waiting at the optometrist (sp?) and just staring at a panel of them kissing and him saying "Mmmmm" LOL and feeling some sort of way that I didn't understand. I wouldn't call Tony my 'gay awakening' as I didn't actually realize I was gay until my crush on a teacher in middle school. But looking back I DEFINITELY realize I was enamored with him even as a young child hahaha.

Anyway, I don't really have any particular comic I want to get into because I know almost nothing about Marvel other than being able to recognize some character designs. So I am following a reading order I found online and just reading starting from Fantastic Four in 1961. It's been quite strange. I've only read 3 comics so far but they are very funny and weird. I can't believe people (even kids) took them seriously back then with how bizarre and silly they can be.

Also, despite having like no motivation to do anything at all with fatigue + depression, I randomly got hyperfixated on a show called Big Mouth on Netflix and binged the entire first season all at once (with a break to eat). Very strange because I've only been able to bring myself to read a total of 3 comic books in the course of an entire week lol. It's a very strange show and sometimes makes you very uncomfortable, but in a weird nostalgic and relatable way. I normally don't enjoy comedy much but I actually laughed a lot at this show.

Speaking of no motivation though, I finally did get into an appointment with my new psychiatrist (I've had 3 appointments with my new therapist now) and I'm getting back on medication... having to take it slow after not being on any for 3 months or so. So hopefully things will be better going forward. I'm going to start a new medication today (one I was taking before but trying to get back up to where I was before).

I feel like about every year I ask this and get a few different answers... it's always a little different and there always seem to be other up-and-coming sites that never quite hit it off.

With the popularity of social media, I was wondering if perhaps there was a site more like a traditional social media that is geared toward furs? I love FA but the place is DEFINITELY focused around art marketing first and foremost it seems. I want a chill place where I can hang out and just interact, but asynchronous (not live chatting like discord or twitch or whatever). I tried Ferzu and it's cool but most times I feel invisible there lol.

A place where there are a lot of older furs would be nice too. I am perfectly fine talking to younger people and furs of all ages, but I just happen to relate to older people more, being that I am, well, older lol. I think we can all have things in common and have discussions, but it's easier to relate to people 40+ when you are 40+. I don't need a place that is exclusively for older people. I like having all kinds of people to talk to. I just don't want to be drowning in young people being the only older person around XD

Sometimes I hear of things like 'furry twitter' and stuff like that... but of course those are spaces for anyone and everyone and you have to like put a lot of effort into curating and tailoring your experience into being furry-centric.

And of course I'm not JUST looking for social media. Stuff like art sites and forums and stuff would be fine too.

I just feel like 90% of what I run into on FA is art exchange, especially for money. And that's great -- I've done commissions before, and now that drawing is incredibly difficult and painful for me, I'm actually considering doing some more commissioning of artists in the future (disabled + MEDICAL BILLS = not a lot of money though, and art prices these days are CRAZY). And I like seeing my old friends succeed and grow as pro artists. But when I come to FA looking for a little interaction or chat, check my journals and it's all 'commissions are open (3 slots)' journals and then check submissions and they're all prices and YCH ads... there's not a lot to really interact with, you know?

I feel like with online experiences being tailored to younger generations and the boom in popularity of the furry fandom in recent years, furry might even start to seem a general enough interest that there's not really 'spaces' for it anymore, and it's just something people discuss in general spaces like twitter, tiktok, etc. Am I wrong?

When I do a quick search for 'furry social media' I do find a lot of random stuff, but I have no idea how good any of this stuff is and if people really hang out there, and what the demographics are, and of course some could be scams.

I guess I'll just try some out today. I am running on 5 hours of sleep because someone is supposed to come out and tune up our heating/cooling or something today? And my mate is not really capable of walking around the house and showing them where to go and answering the door and stuff easily, so it's up to me. Yay. They should be here in the next 30 minutes.

===tldr - my mate has stage 4 cancer that has notably reached his brain and bones, i am a full-time caretaker for him and neglected my own health leading to loss of treatment for my own disability for a while which got pretty severe but everything is finally getting back on track. HOW ARE YOU?===

So, about a year ago I "came back" to FA and posted several journals and did a couple drawings and hung out for a while. I updated that my mate had a tiny bit of lung cancer, but had a wedge removed and they said they got it all and he was in remission and would be fine. Then I kinda quickly disappeared again. Many things have happened.

Well, the cancer has advanced even though they told him he was doing great after having the lung wedge removal. It had spread into his blood and is everywhere now. We found out when he started having stroke-like symptoms and lost his ability to speak properly (aphasia). I took him to the emergency room and they did a scan and found several lesions in his brain... some more tests later, we find they are cancer tumors. He since has had the worst of those removed and regained most of his speech ability (though he speaks very slowly now and stumbles over words sometimes, he can still communicate, which he unable to do when we first found the brain tumors).

The cancer has also been found in many other organs, importantly his bones, which is causing him to be very weak. He now needs a wheelchair. Also he is on the oxygen permanently now, though mostly just because it is comforting to him (he's able to maintain an 'acceptable' blood oxygen level at rest around 91%) though when we go out he has to take portable tanks or be hooked up to the hospital oxygen (hospital is the only place he really gets to go anymore, though I did take him out to dinner for his birthday last week; he is 75 years old now).

So yeah. The cancer is bad. He had radiation and was a good candidate for immunotherapy without chemotherapy, so we're doing Keytruda every 3 weeks to basically buy him more time and comfort before his passing (also doing regular bone treatments so his bones can stay as strong as possible). He also is in therapy now though he has only gone to one session, and he is on some light SSRIs for his mental health which is deteriorating as well. As with many people with brain tumors, his personality is changing somewhat, and it's been very heartbreaking to watch him change from the jovial and supportive and always-happy man I have always known into a depressed and irritable mess.

So what about me? Right around the time we found out about the invasive stage 4, I lost access to the clinic I had been going to for my behavioral heath, and my therapist (the one who I said told me to get more into furry) quit on me (he wanted to focus fully on his private practice and not at the clinic where he was treating me, where he was able to take my insurance. For those of you who don't know, I am disabled from severe bipolar, depression, and anxiety, and am AuDHD to boot. Not having access to health treatment is very hard. This was ultimately my fault though -- with all the stressful stuff going on, I neglected my treatments for too long and they closed my chart. Part of the reason I was neglecting the treatments though was because with my mate now disabled and unable to drive, I had to ride to the clinic, which was 40 minutes away.

Well, for maybe 8 months or so I had no therapy and over time ran out of medication. Because of all the stress and taking my mate to the hospital and stuff regularly -- I can drive but not long distances and thankfully his hospital is literally 2 blocks away -- I continued to neglect getting myself back into treatment. For a while, he was having severe reactions to the radiation treatments and we were pretty much living at the hospital. They wanted to put him in a rehab facility but he refused, and they wanted him to have in-home care, but he refused, so now I'm taking care of this guy on my own, when I can barely take care of myself lmfao.

Well, about 3 months ago, I finally ran out of medication and things got bad for me. I was physically ill from the withdrawal from the medication and got severely depressed. I was not doing anything at all but basically sleeping and scrolling reddit in a strangely addicted and obsessive manner (sometimes I wouldn't even read, just scroll really fast lol). I bathed maybe once every two weeks. I neglected taking care of the house and it got very dirty. I mostly ate delivery pizza because neither of us wanted to cook. My mate was depressed too and it was a whole mess. I did manage to keep taking him to immunotherapy appointments and other appointments but like that took ALL of my energy and all my days were basically just spent in anxiety of the next upcoming appointment. RARELY I did get little bursts of motivation and would play a game or something (one night I played Kirby's Dream Land which was really cool).

Good news, though, I did manage to get myself back into treatment. I got a new PCP at the hospital down the street, and she set me up with a social worker to help me get into behavioral health services. She also was able to contact my old psychiatrist and get me 3 months worth of medication. I did try taking them but stupid me took a full dose and got very ill after not having them for 3 months lol. So I decided to wait and try taking them again after advice from the new psychiatrist whom I will see in a few weeks.

I did have a meeting with a new therapist for the first time today. He is young and has a mustache (!) and was very nice. I have good feelings about him. We talked about all kinds of things and I mentioned the fandom again and it made me think about how it could be a good outlet for me again, like the old therapist suggested. Problem is I can't really draw anymore -- my carpal tunnel has gotten so bad I can't use a pen for more than 5 minutes without my entire hand going numb. It's only drawing though, I can still use a game controller (yay). Computer mouse is a little weird... a little numbness and some pain. Even just at rest I have pain in my wrist and joints but that might be developing arthritis...? As I actually have pain in other joints as well.

But yeah. Dealing with this has been VERY HARD. The stress of seeing him go through this, having to help him with everything, witnessing his personality changing, and of course dealing with the concept of his death being a more concrete near future thing (they haven't given us a strict timeline, but say if the immunotherapy is very successful he could still live for a couple more years, though without it they had given him 4-6 months)... it's absolutely horrible. And doing all this while not properly caring for myself and not being treated for my disabling mental health conditions? It's just... wow. This past year has really felt surreal to say the least. Nothing prepares you for this...

But yeah. I don't have much of a support system IRL as I'm estranged from like everyone I used to know anymore (just from me being a negligent friend pretty much lol) and I don't even really have many online friends anymore. So this is really a post more about me getting all this off my chest lol. Though I am able to do that in therapy too, sometimes you just want to vent into the void without someone trying to help you and find solutions and stuff because therapy these days seems to be all about the Treatment Plan and setting goals and working toward things and like... sometimes you just want to pity party and whine about life lol.

I don't really have a lot of ambition or motivation right now, but for the past week I have broken away from Reddit addiction (though I just moved on to UmaMusume addiction lol, though I just quit that game yesterday). Right now I'm feeling a little more positive as I feel like I'm getting things back on track, and outside of taking care of my mate and the house chores and everything, I feel like I want to get back into 'something' like playing a (real) game. Oh I also started watching WWE again, which is cool because I was literally showing 0 interest in ANYTHING so that also feels good. Without my meds concentrating on things is really hard though; I tried to watch some TV shows but I couldn't follow what was going on and felt so lost. I feel like what I need at this point is a good ol' fashioned hyperfixation lmao.

I have 2000+ submissions to check. So many. If anyone has drawn anything mustachey, let me know! I will likely miss it! Also 171 journals to read... it's hard to weed through those so I'll probably nuke them after a glance... sorry... feel free to comment here and let me know what you've all been up to (no need to make comments about me and my situation, though of course appreciated, I also genuinely would love to hear how everyone else has been as well so don't feel like it's inappropriate to talk about yourselves).

Just caught up on my journals and read about Dragoneer. Didn't know the guy but he's done a lot for us as furs. I hope he is resting well.

I've been trying to draw recently, but it's so hard :( I can't get anything to come out right, and even my favorite part (lining) has not been very fun because I'm so frustrated. I might just do some silly little sketches and not worry how they come out for a while, which I probably won't post. I want to keep the pen under my hand but I don't want to be so frustrated all the time.

Last night I dreamt I was an anthro wolf. Also I could fly (well kinda glide around like Knuckles) and I was like batting away these evil birds. Then I had a cute mustached (human) boyfriend who was praying in a temple thing and I flew to him.

Then later I had another dream I was a werewolf of the type that turned into a feral wolf. I could change at will but could only maintain the wolf form for a short time. A vampire came after a carriage of me and some others and I was trying to help the others escape the vampire but he got one of the passengers and I turned into a wolf and scratched his face lmao.

Two wolf dreams in one night. It was pretty fun.

So, my characters are all inspired by people I know. But beyond just the base species + name, they end up taking on personalities of their own, and don't actually represent 'sonas of them. Except Ness who is meant to be a part of me, but not the full me. Weird, I know XD

I have a close online friend that I decided to make a character for. He's going to be a maine coon! It will be my first character that is this fuzzy, so I think it will be fun. He's wearing a collared shirt but there's so much fur you can't even see the collar XD I haven't decided on a color for him, though. His favorite color is pink (to an obsessive degree), so I don't know if I want to make his fur pink, or have him wear pink all the time and be another color like black or grey to offset the pink...? I'm still in the sketching phase of my first concept art ^^

Which would you rather see? A pink cat who wears white and yellow a lot, or a darker/greyer cat who wears nothing but pink?

I also have a NSFW drawing of the redesign of my 'sona in the works. I actually found it on my hard drive and completely forgot I started it, so I may as well finish it.

It's funny because I like drawing pornographic arts but I never draw them of my characters because they all have platonic relationships XD Though I could draw out some of their fantasies I guess. Maybe I need to create love interest characters for some of them...

The new maine coon character I'm not 100% decided on his name yet, I think I actually might make him have two names (a given name and a nickname he goes by).

I've also had a sci-fi parallel universe for my characters in my head for QUITE some time now (I wanted to create a shmup or bullet-hell game based on it, but IDK if I have the mental abilities to make another game XD). Maybe I'll start fleshing that out at least in my head and doing some art of that, too. The relationships between the characters would be different, too. But I don't want to overwhelm myself, so those are just ideas on the backburner for now. Nothing I'm planning on doing right away. For now I want to focus on introducing my new character and getting some more art of my existing characters up. Maybe make proper ref sheets of them. I might also do some little comics (like 4-panel comics, not full-on comic books) or something :)

I'm also trying to decide exactly how Ness's mouth works lmfao.

Anyway that's my musings for now ^^ Wanted to talk about what's been swirling around in my head, relieve a little stress by writing a journal. I hope everyone is having a good day.

So I was telling my therapist about various things I used to be into and we talked about furry fandom, and he wants me to engage with it more, particularly drawing and expanding on my own characters and creating a universe for them. So maybe new art and blogs from me soon?? I am going to give it a try. Maybe. Drawing is so hard though T_T

Is anyone going to try it out? There are furries! Everyone seems obsessed with the wolf guy but IMO the bear named Ben is so cute.

So, my Pokesona is a Kricketune because at the time I created him, gen 4 was new and I really loved the mustache design. But while I still love Kricketune, it's certainly not my favorite and I don't identify much with the species as I'm not partial to crickets and I'm not musically talented or anything like that, and I don't like to go deleleleWOOP (actually maybe I do on that last one). Or I guess I could be a Kricketune who is bad at music (lmao) as he is already very clumsy.

Of course, I'd still want to be a bug Pokemon. But my favorites are sexy ones like Ariados, Galvantula, and Scolipede, but I don't really feel like those are much "me," but Pokemon I crush over. I want a shy, clumsy Pokemon to be my 'sona. But for some reason I'm just not feeling Kricketune anymore.

I do also like Poison type Pokemon once. I did an RP (I don't normally RP but it was with good friends) once where I played a Trubbish who loved mustaches, so he used trash and fallen hairs to make himself a mustache lmao.

Also my favorite Pokemon is Probopass. But I don't know if I want to be a Probo... it's more like my best buddie Pokemon.

Another reason Kricketune is nice is because its shape is somewhat human-like (I mean, a little) so it lends itself to expressiveness a little more. (Human-like expression I mean).

Thinking of other Bug-type Pokemon, I think Ribombee are Armaldo are decent choices for me. I like the idea of a clunky big clumsy Armaldo. Plus I'm old like a fossil hehehe, and then Ribombee is just super cute and wears a little scarf (is the scarf part of its exoskeleton...?????) and it would be cool to have wings. Though Kricketune does have wings, too, which is nice.

To be honest, of the three, I think a clumsy Kricketune is the most 'me.' Armaldo appeals to me a little more design-wise, but feels a little less 'me.' Though it can look intimidating, and I can be intimidating (in first impressions, I don't think I'm really that bad XD) And then Ribombee... has a scarf.

It's not like I draw anymore and I don't buy commissions really, so it's not like much will come of this, but I actually do think about my 'sona a lot (Ness the roach I mean) and when I'm really into a Pokemon game I like to imagine my Pokesona a lot, too.

What do you guys think? Which of these three Pokemon are the most "me?"

Has anyone played this game? It looks really good but I'm worried about the lack of current content and the devs' abilities to keep up with the game. I don't want to buy it and have a forever unfinished game... but at the same time I just really want to try it out >_>;

If you're unaware, Cloud Meadow is a furry adult game on Steam where you farm and raise furs for dungeon crawling and breed them and you get to watch the breeding lmao. Apparently it's actually a good game on top of being pornographic.

I want to remain following a user but don't want to see their journals anymore. Is this possible?

(If you're reading this, there's a 99.9999999999% chance I'm not talking about you LOL it's someone who doesn't recognize my existence but posts TONS of journals and I never read any of them)

So, we've had a few checkups and followups and stuff and learned that 1. he seems to be cancer-free now and 2. he will not be permanently on oxygen, just during his recovery.

Still have a while to go but it's very good we caught it so early. I'm so relieved.

Still quite busy and stressed taking care of him, but things are looking up.

So after a couple days in the hospital, my mate was discharged, but he has to be on oxygen tank now thanks to having part of his lung removed + COPD. He is very unhappy and stressed about this, and our lifestyle is changing a bit, and neither of us are good with change.

Last night I was so stressed out I got a bad case of vertigo, vomited, and passed out lol. But I am feeling better today. I think all the stress of the last few days really welled up inside. That mixed with no sleep for days and only eating fast food here and there... my health was not being taken care of very well. But I think we're slowly getting back on track.

But it sounds like we may have caught the cancer early enough that it might be completely gone now, just at a cost. But personally I'd rather deal with adjusting to oxygen than having cancer and going through chemo or radiation therapy treatments, or choosing to forego them and watching my mate wither away.

I will try to stay positive. While the most important thing to me is caring for my mate, I do realize I have to take care of myself too. If I'm not good I can't take proper care of him anyway. Thanks everyone for your kind words and thoughts through this process.

So today my mate had surgery to remove a small part of his lung where he had a tumor they thought could be cancerous. The biopsy came back as showing it was indeed cancer... so they took a much larger section of his lung and some lymph nodes out, and the doctor seems very positive about it because we caught it very early... so we might not be far off from eradicating it all together.

Even still, quite scary to receive a diagnosis of The Big C. My mate is in pretty good spirits about it, and I'm calming down myself. I wasn't able to see him after the surgery because parking closed at 4:30 and he didn't get a room until 6:00. Not sure if he'll be able to come home tomorrow, but at least in the next 2 or 3 days. Feels very strange being alone in the house when we've been together pretty much every day for 15 years. It'll only be my 2nd time alone for the night in this house (the first one being when he had another surgery and that night did NOT go well for me). But I am hanging in there; my mental state is better now than it was then, and knowing he's feeling good overall helps a lot too. And I have support from a neighbor if I need anything.

So I hope you are all well, that's what's going on with me.

While I was at the hospital I set up some emulators on my phone so now I can play all my tokimemo games on the go. I own them all and the disc-based ones are my own dumps even. Took a while to get TM3 running, but mostly because I'm a big dummy :)

Doctor says all signs point to lung cancer, but we can't be 100% positive yet until we get a sample.

He is going to have part of his lung removed and tested, then if it is cancerous, they will remove a larger part of his lung and he may have to go on oxygen tank (he also has COPD so can't deal with much reduced lung function).

I am so anxious and worried.

Thankfully we've caught it VERY early so it's not SUPER serious but cancer is still cancer and very scary.

So when I get depressed I tend to get really into mobile games as they require little mental effort and give small dopamine hits. They also give you a sense of 'progress' and 'accomplishment' with their daily activities. So for these reasons they help cope with depression when otherwise it seems so difficult and unenjoyable to do anything else.

But my problem is that I get addicted to mobile games too easily, and sometimes even end up spending money on them.

Right now I have 6 games I am playing and I just cycle between them all day long. And I'm thinking of throwing Pokemon Masters EX back into the rotation even though that is a dangerous one for me because I like to spend money in it.

You may think "well if you are having fun and it helps you ride out depression, isn't that good?"

But then I get addicted and obsessed and fall into the trap of even if I start to get out of the funk, I am still addicted to the games and it makes me not want to do anything else but play the games. Which makes me feel kinda depressed because I'm doing the same thing I was doing while depressed. So it's kind of a cycle.

I will have to talk to my therapist about it tomorrow lol.

I don't have anything against mobile games; I usually play them even when I'm not depressed (just much more casually).

If you're curious what games I'm playing:

My Tamagotchi Forever
Welcome to My Home
Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp
The Sims Mobile
The Sims FreePlay
楽園生活ひつじ村 (Shepherd's Crossing Online)

Though I am considering dropping the Sims games as they are really not that fun. But I still like the others a lot. But if I drop the Sims games, I'll need other games to 'fill the time' between checking in on other games. I was thinking of starting up Pokemon Quest and Pokemon Magikarp Jump again as they are pretty simple and don't really ask for any money (well, you can spend money on them, but I don't ever feel the need to). I like to start up new games in those now and then. And then there's Pokemon Masters EX.... like I mentioned before that one is dangerous lol. But it is a lot of fun.

I also have 'real' games on my phone like Final Fantasy games, SaGa games, Harvest Moon, etc. as well as emulators but there is much more 'effort' involved in playing those games as they require you to think and make more decisions rather than just 'click the red dots' and 'click auto' lol. That's why I fell out of playing Pokemon Gold recently. Even playing Super Mario Run has been difficult because of the amount of effort it requires to jump through the courses. But I have cleared a couple courses in it when I felt up to playing it.

Well, writing this was a nice change of pace. I hope everyone is having a good day.

https://marchionessofmustache.dream.....g/1025126.html

A big milestone for me. I never thought I would make it this far because I'm so terrible at sticking to things. But I've watched and reviewed a whole 30 episodes! FIGHT!!

I tried to make my own. It's based on release date, as I like to watch stuff in the order it was originally presented to audiences. I'm watching in Japanese so this is based on the Japanese version:

https://marchionessofmustache.dream.....g/1027640.html

Does anyone know a better one or know of faults with mine? I tried to find one but couldn't find a decent one that included everything. I used serebii, wikipedia, and bulbapedia (serebii had surprisingly a lot of errors in it).

I also don't know if I should break up XY and XYZ as I've never watched that far and don't know how big of an arc change it is. Same with Satoshi meeting Goh. So I just put notes about those at the bottom.

I also am blogging as I go watching every episode. I'm not good at finishing things so I doubt I'll get very far but I'm going to try my best:

https://marchionessofmustache.dream.....g/1025126.html

I've watched 17 episodes so far ^^ The last episode was the one where the Pokemon get separated from the trainers and talk with subtitles. The personalities of the Pokemon really came through in the way the language was written for each one in Japanese! It was very interesting. Next is the fake boobs episode (fans know what I mean). And then Dokukurage episode, one of my fav Pokemon. Will its episode live up to the Pokemon's awesomeness? Who knows ^^

Did you know trivia about me, my favorite type of Pokemon after bug is poison type! Then fairy and grass are tied for 3rd.

If you wanna watch along with me feel free to watch and comment on the DW journals! I'll post here when I make significant progress probably :)

So I do draw a LOT of fanart but I actually have my own 'sona and three other OCs that are part of his world! I think I'm going to dedicate my SoFurry account to only showcasing those characters, whereas ALL of my arts will be displayed here on FA.

So let's talk about my characters. I will draw ref sheets of them soon (?), and update this post with those. For now you can find art of them in my gallery. (Please note the relationships/interactions in my game Mustache Ride are not the 'canon' versions of these characters btw, they are merely cameos/lookalikes).

NESS

Gender: Non-binary (M)
Pronouns: He/They
Age: 29
Species: American cockroach
Orientation: Pansexual

Ness is my fursona. I chose this form because I love bugs in general and think roaches are particularly cute, and Ness can be seen like a pest or gross to some, he is just trying to live his best life. He also likes to eat hehehe. His original design was very chubby but I'm going to draw him more slim from now on in his redesign.

Ness works for a company that owns many bookstores both online and brick-and-mortar. He has a secretarial position and mostly does data entry. His hobbies are gaming and drawing. He is very timid and shy, but opens up to his friends and can even get quite silly and energetic with them. He has a passionate crush for his boss Douglass, who sees him as nothing more than an employee. Though Ness would never approach Douglass outside of work or confess his feelings to him anyway. His best friend is Alex and they have been friends since nymphood. She has a friend she introduced to him named Xandri, who developed a crush on Ness, but Ness sees Alex and Xandri more like sisters.

DOUGLASS

Gender: (Cis) Male
Pronouns: He/Him
Species: Great horned owl
Age: 42
Orientation: Omnisexual


Ness's main love interest and desire. He is a high-ranking executive for the bookstore company and governs a large region of stores (though he is not the president/CEO of the entire corporation). He likes to golf and keep in shape, and can be a big spender when he gets carried away with something he's into for the moment. He's not interested in long-term relationships as he is secretly very afraid of the commitment and work necessary to pursue one, despite his collected and confident demeanor. He instead has a lot of fun with flings and casual encounters. Would he ever be interested in Ness? We will never know because Ness is too timid to make an advance. But he is very open to the kind of partners he gets with and would probably be up for anything with just about anyone. I'm considering developing another secretary or employee character to rival Ness who is kind of a "toy" of Douglass.

While he vaguely knows of Xandri since she works in one of his stores, he knows nothing of Alex.

XANDRI

Gender: (Cis) Female
Pronouns: She/Her
Species: Red fox
Age: 26
Orientation: Heterosexual


Xandri is a book-lover who works for a bookstore in the region of Douglass's governance. She has a crush on Ness ever since her friend Alex introduced her to him, but he doesn't see her in that way. Even though she is a bookworm at home and loves to spend time alone, she is actually quite outgoing and extroverted, enjoying parties and such, and can sometimes drink too much when she gets into social situations. But other times she likes to just relax with a cup of tea and a good book. She has a deep jealousy hatred for Douglass because she knows of Ness's feelings for him, but secretly wants to have a fling with him to make Ness jealous. She is a little unhinged like that. She is a casual friend of Alex and Ness.

ALEX

Gender: Demiwoman (F)
Pronouns: She/Her
Species: Fire ant
Age: 28
Orientation: Asexual (Panromantic)

Alex is Ness's bestie. Despite being a fire ant, known for their aggressiveness, she is actually quite docile and friendly. She makes friends with just about anyone. Alex's interests seem varied and ever-changing, jumping from obsession to obsession. She likes chatting and catching up with her friends, though she is a bit introverted and sometimes needs long periods to herself. Because of this, she took up delivery driving because it gives her a lot of time to spend alone on the job, to save up energy for her social needs. She is good friends with Xandri and Ness and introduced the two together. She only knows of Douglass through hearing Ness pine for him and Xandri hate on him, but she has never met him in person.

Look, I'm still here! 2 days in a row!

I want to draw something naughty hehehe. But IDK if I should use my 'sona or do a fanart. And do I do humans or furs? It's a hard choice.

I also need to draw more of Xandri and Douglass. It's been a while since I drew them.

I'm thinking of drawing a guy spreading his ass toward the camera, standing up from behind. Maybe lifting one leg. I've been looking at a few pictures for reference. I don't think it's a good fit for Douglass as he's a top and doesn't like his ass played with. So that leaves Ness if I go for my characters (I only have 4, OK?). Ness would not normally make a pose like that as he's very shy, but he would do it for the right fur who tempted him... albeit very timidly. He'd definitely pose for Douglass. But alas Douglass is not interested. But I like to imagine and want to draw some of Ness's fantasies with him, even if they are not ones that would actually happen ^^

I will make a separate journal about the relationships between my characters.

I also want to draw Wolfgang from Welcome to My Home. But I imagine he'd be a similar type to Douglass, plus I want to draw him with clothes on (or... mostly on) so IDK if that would be a good fit for him either.

Then there's always human fanart or Pokemon gijinkas/anthros... maybe a Staraptor?

Recently I've been into Digimon and Tamagotchi a lot. Tamagotchi is definitely not good for this kind of drawing XD Digimon has some interesting designs... but I am more into the bug designs like Kuwagamon and Kabuterimon and such. (My favorite Digimon is Kunemon though, so cute ^^)

Anyway, not sure who I want to draw T_T I am leaning toward Ness now though, since I've been thinking of him. Which brings me to a question...

Do you feel attracted to your own fursona? Ness is my sona and while I drew him to be somewhat visually appealing to me, he more is like a manifestation of myself. When I draw or imagine him in sexual sitautions, i don't feel attracted to him, but rather it is a way of expressing my own sexuality, which I like to do. (Douglass, on the other hand, is a fantasy character of mine so I'm attracted to him hehehe). What do you feel about your own 'sona or OC that represents you? It's very common to draw or commission sexual artwork or stories or whatever with your fursona in this community... do you feel it is an expression of your own sexuality or are you also attracted to and get off to pics/stories of your sona? For me, being aroused by images of Ness would be like watching porn of myself XD Probably wouldn't get off on it. But I definitely see how some people could. Especially since you can design your sona to be attractive to you. What do you feel? I'm very curious to know.

https://nesseggman.sofurry.com/

:) Let me know your usernames too~~