Well this is it. This is the end. One year later i am ready to leave FA forever. Plenty of time to establish myself somewhere else, tie up loose ends and consolidate my relations. So what else is there?

Well i put all my stuff in scraps for anyone that wants to see it. I couldn't bring myself to delete any of it. My journals are still available because i didn't wana get rid of those either. I'm not coming back but i just felt like it is better to leave them. And so....yea. this is it. I guess a few parting words for those still reading.

It has been fun for a while. I came to this website a few years ago because i found furries to be a really fun group of people to get along with. Really that was all it was about, i never saw myself as an animal but i liked to get along with people who did. Friendship was what i was after. Not only that but also just having new experiences, meeting new people. Over that time i started to develop as a person and realized i am not the person i was when i came to this website. I've changed and outgrown this account. I need to reinvent myself somewhere else with a whole new identity. This time it is about what i want, not just friendship but a new means of self expression. Basically I'm shedding my skin. This isnt me anymore and im happy with the change. It is not just about the negative feelings i have when it comes to people i used to know on this website, but that is part of it. Truly, it is just time for a change. And that change required letting some things go. This account, old friends who are more like strangers now, people who i dont like, all the negativity attached to this account. It isnt and never was all bad but it was enough for me to realize that i dont want this anymore. So i guess some final words.

To those who are still my friends: We're cool, don't worry. Ill see you guys soon.

To those who i'm leaving behind: If you cant tell if you were in that first group, you are probably in this one. For some of you, i just think its better if we part ways. It was fun while it lasted but i just think its better this way. If i have some of you on skype, we can talk when i have time, im not leaving that right away. For the most part, i think it should just end here. No hate, not bad feelings (for most of you), just a kind goodbye and carrying on with our lives.

For those i really don't like: There is a small handful of you whom i have the most distaste for. I really wish i took the opportunity to tell you off in those final moments. I mean, honestly it is just sad. There weren't many of you but enough of you that i realize i shouldn't have been as nice to you as i was and i regret not being as cruel to you as you were to me. But that is in the past now. I dont wana drag this journal out by talking shit, but yea..

So with that being said...off I go. To new adventures. It was fun furaffinity! Such is life and things must end sometime. Lets be sure to enjoy things while they last and learn lessons as we go alone. I guess ill end this with a song that sums it up:



Peace Out FA!

Yep, Took me a whole year. Okay then, Long story Short:
-I will be officially gone from this account on 12/05/16
-If you wanna re-connect with me, you have a short window of time.
-If you miss that opportunity, you'll have to come find me.
-and that is pretty much it.

So after a shot of Tequila, think ill write about whats on my mind. I've always had compassion for groups who are preyed upon by society in some ways. As of late there has been a substantial amount of hate against Muslims. Since I actually know about the religion of Islam, have friends who are Muslim and bother to do my fucking research, im going to kindky say this.

Fucking leave the Muslims alone.

People in America today have been treating the Muslim community with such hate and Islamophobia is rampant. Hate crimes have gone up, Mosques have been vandalized, people openly discriminate against them and one of our major candidates wants to ban their entry from the country "temporarily". What the hell is everyone problem? First of all, Muslims have comprised of less than 1% of mass shootings in this country. A majority of them are very peaceful, law abiding citizens. A few of them won gold in the Rio Olympics. Stupid people paint this picture of Muslims as being alien, other, violent, untrustworthy. oh but i bet you didn't know the religion offers more freedom to women than Christianity does. Of course you didn't, you didnt bother to look it up. People make these stupid ideas about what something is in their heads without actually knowing what the fuck they are talking about. According to their book: They are to co-exist with other religions; they give women equal rights; they are strictly prohibited from killing unless in self defense; they are to donate to charity; and soo much more. Yes their are some controversial aspects of it like being an apostate, but most Muslims don't think someone who leaves the religions should be killed. Does that make them a little hypocritical? Are you a christan who has has eaten shellfish, worked on sunday or masturbated?

And there are those out there who say "religion is the cause of all evil in this world, and society would be more peaceful without it!" If you believe that, i have a ticket to a boat-trip to North Korea/Cuba/China/etc to sell you (if you dont understand, those countries are communist countries where everyone is atheist).

And i know that there is at least one of you out there that thinks humanity should be erased from this earth and wish it would just die. All i have to say to you is: Go smoke a blunt and calm the fuck down.

There are always gonna be problems, making it worse with ignorance and bigotry makes you a part of the problem.

Ive been on this website for six years and fourteen days (don't quote my math). Well then...Interesting times. I remember back in high school i was playing with the idea of registering to this website so i could get to 'meet' one of my favorite artists/personalities at the time. Its funny how that worked out, I don't have the most fond opinion of that guy these days. It just comes to show you, when you have hundreds of people who adore you, it tends to change you. You cannot be everyone's friend so you're gonna have to brush some people off and alienate them. Then again, sometimes people don't have decent social skills or a personality and you cannot really help that. It is besides the point. The point is, a lot happens in six years. Moved four times, lived in two different states, been to two different high schools and four different community colleges. Made and lost friends, matured after making mistakes, refining myself as a person (slowly). I suppose when you look back you begin to see how much you have changed. Sometimes you hate who you were and other times you hate who you are. Me? I think I'm better than i used to be. I'm more mature and less naive. I may be more introverted but at the same time I'm less shallow and more considerate. I'm more assertive and more confident. I still feel compassion but i am realistic and know i cannot help anyone more than they can help themselves. I still have my flaws. I'm not as patient as i used to be and I feel like i am less willing to forgive or ignore transgressions. However I'm still understanding. I'm not perfect. As we grow older, we change and yet some parts of us remain the same.
You know one of the things they (family, therapists, councilors) told me when talking to me about my autism was "people with autism dislike change". That was true for a while but, ironically enough, i changed. The only constant thing is change. It comes in manageable changes in the wind or disruptive hurricanes. The winds of change will always come. Yet at the same time, parts of us will still remain the same. Maybe, just maybe, those parts of us are similar to before but we also build on our selves in a way. For me, I'm exited at the prospect of change and building on myself as i continue on. Change can be good, especially when i decide to make the change. Things will change. I will change.

"Let the winds of change come and take me away."

And so soon this account will come to close. I am aiming for October but if i cannot get my shit together before then i will definitely be gone by December 5th. and by then i will have called for the winds of change to sweep me away to leave behind the old me. Has it really taken me nearly a whole year to even get this far? It is like i said, i want to do this right. A nice slow burn. Everything has to be just right, not perfect, but right. I'm still making decisions but what is for certain as that it will soon end and Nicholas Alsatian will be nothing more than a memory. And i think ive given some people enough time to re-kindle things with me. Im not giving up on some people quite yet but for the most part, i have a good idea of who I'm gonna keep contact with. Some people i haven't talked to in a little while but still wish to keep knowing. This change is going to be wonderful. Tabula rasa.

"Turning it over is a blessing."

You know i really don't see the point in attacking people who are supporting the current republican candidate and I honestly don't think that every person voting for him is a racist imbecile, but I do question their judgement on wishing a man like him to be the representative for our country. Inviting a foreign power to cyberhack his political opponent, making fun of a disabled reporter, quickly attacking the pope for criticizing him but taking three whole days to disavow endorsement for a former KKK member, someone who has claimed that he has sacrificed enough in his life to equal the sacrifice the family of a fallen war hero had to make while simultaneously attacking the mother of said war hero, suggesting that her Muslim faith is the reason why she did not talk during the speech ad the DNC when she really did not talk because she was liable to have a breakdown. Yes, i question your judgement, but i dont want to condemn you outright. I will say this though, You reap what you sew. You might say Hillary is just as bad but is she really? I havent done enough research on her to know what im talking about in reguards to her, but If REPUBLICANS who worked in the Bush administration and for Ronald Reagan think she is a better candidate, what does that say? I am just going to invite you to really think and do research and consider how you make an impact on this election. Are you really thinking for yourself when you want to vote for Trump? Did you bother to look into his policies, his history of success? Have you listened to arguments from the other side? Did you really think about it? It is like i said, you reap what you sew and the signs are clear. They were clear from day one, so if you get what you want, he becomes president and it all starts going down hill for there, don't lie to yourself, you know who to blame.

Just remember that.

In times like this we need to remember a few things when we think about what has happened.

Remember to appreciate who you have in your life and to cherish the ones you love because life is fragile.

Remember to give your support to the victims with a kind word, a donation or even remembrance.

Remember that there are two victims to this tragedy, the gay community and the Muslim community who will be used as a scapegoat.

Remember that Islam and Arabs are not the enemy, one person's actions cannot define an entire religion or ethnic identity.

Remember that we need to work towards making it so that this doesnt happen.

Remember that we need to make it less easy for people to get their hands on weapons that make it so easy to kill.

Remember not to buy into fear-mongering and not to act on fear.

Remember to keep a cool head and see a path through the chaos.

Remember to call out hypocrisy on those who wish to use this event to selfishly further an agenda.

You know, i've sene alot of porn with characters from shows ive never seen. Ive never seen the Balto movies but ive caught glimpses of him and a bunch of other characters from his movies in precarious situations. Same is true for Robin hood, Guardians of the Galaxy, zootopia and etc. I feel like its kind of worse than having something ruin your childhood memories, because instead of having something from your childhood corrupted, it becomes corrupted to begin with and you cannot watch or see any of these movies without watching it and thinking "I've seen that character take alot of dick." Its not like the Lion king where you watched it as a kid and then see porn of it when your older, you can still go back and watch the movie itself without constantly thinking of all the adult simba porn. But you see porn of zootopia long before the fucking movie comes out and then you cannot even look at a poster for the goddamn movie without thinking about the gazelle character with jizz all over her chest.

I mean it really doesnt matter that much and some of the porn fan-art is pretty good, its just interesting how this fandom, for better or worse, corrupts every innocent thing that was part of your childhood. Its not so bad though.

Okay then. I had some time to think about this and consider this subject and topic further. My last journal apparently, somehow, brought about the disposal of some of my friends due to the viciousness of my words and particularly intolerant, crusader-like approach. Ill be honest i expected to more people to agree with me than tell me that i was handling it improperly but i think i see the point now. So Ill try again and explain in detail with less fire and brimstone and more logic and explanation. And i might as well say, yea i was being a dick. So lets begin.

My reasoning as to why cub is not okay is because even if it is specified to fantasy with animals instead of real human children, the anatomy of a furry child is more or less the same as a human child. This would make it easier for a brain to psychologically generalize the kink from furry children to human children. The scenarios, the paraphernalia, anatomy, all that, can be generalized and expanded. And, as i expressed in this link ( https://youtu.be/LQYChghOkQc?t=5m37s ), that sort of thing can escalate. Now i don't think that someone who casually enjoys cub is absolutely going to forgo their morality and become a pedophile, but i think that they shouldn't even allow themselves to develop that attraction further. I understand that people might be unable to control their attraction as the nature of fetishes is fickle, but when it comes to cub, they should seek help and counseling with suppressing and/or eliminating that attraction. They should not be fantasizing about it, commissioning and jacking off to it. And people should not be telling them its okay to be into it for the sake of tolerance and acceptance. There has to come a point when enough is enough. Its not just about tolerance for peoples sexual tastes anymore, it becomes a moral issue about not propagating something that has the potential to cause serious harm to someone. Even if cub just escalates to nothing more than cp, its still harmful because children are still being victimized and the viewers themselves is subjecting themselves to arrest, imprisonment and social banishment. This subject cannot be accepted or ignored for the sake of tolerance, if one wants to handle it tactfully, then it needs to be politely, but firmly and unambiguously made clear that it is not okay. And if people who like cub want to change and suppress it, then they deserve understanding and the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, i think they need to be called out.

And another thing, some people want to say I shouldn't judge people for their kinks and want to compare cub and fetishes like vore and such as if they are on the same level. There is a huge difference. Honestly i think its stupidly ignorant to think that there is a similar moral dilemma. Yes, cannibalism does exist, yes there are many cases of it, along with pedophilia and child pornography which is a huge black market industry. However the difference is that there are alot more instances of sexual injustices against children (an entire goddamn market!) then lust-filled instances of cannibalism. And yes one may reason that just because one happens more than the other does not mean that one is more immoral than the other. However, with a vore fetish, even in the fantasy scenario where its fatal and hard vore, there is no permanent loss because its just a goddamn fantasy and its usually between two horny adults who, more or less, know what they are doing. And while someone might actually get off to the idea of eating another living/or non living creature or being eaten themselves, most people who enjoy vore don't actually want it to escalate to the point where they actually consume another person. However vore might escalate to where they might swollow a goldfish or a live snake but ive only heard of a few instances of that and people eat livestock anyway so unless your a vegan, there is no real moral issue (well maybe animal cruelty). People who like vore wouldnt even want to deal with the repercussions of engaging in cannibalism because for the most part, even if they eat some of it, its hard to hide a fucking body or a couple of bodies and people generally notice when someone is missing. In essence, there are legal repercussions. I might be going off track but to wrap it up, with cub and the possibility of it escalating into cp and pedophilia, while there are legal reprocussions, most people who engage in it in real life go to other countries where there is no statute against it (Like Jared Fogle did), they might abuse their own children and for the most part keep them from talking about it and etc. and you know, its worse than canibalism because atleast with cannibalism you are dead. dead people dont have to live the rest of their lives dealing with the emotional and psychological repercussions of having their very essence violated and innocence stolen. And if i was more awake i would probably be able to strengthen my argument a little more on why there is a difference between cub and literally EVERY OTHER FETISH, but for now i will just say, dont fucking tell me that they are on the same level.

Now if my logic or organization is even a little bit off, its because im spending an hour writing this without an outline, without anything more than a brainstorm session mostly because i dont think i should spending three days planning this out like a goddamn thesis paper because i shouldn't even have to fucking clarify at all! And i dont think i should be treated as if im intolerant because i think there is a limit to what should be acceptable. Have you met me? Im like the most goddamn tolerant motherfucker i know. Whats my cutoff? Cub and pedophelia. Thats it. Do you like incest? are they both 18+? fine. have at it. I dont care. Do you like snuff? do you keep it a fantasy? Fine, have at it. Do you like watersports? Did you wash your hands? Fine, have fun. Adult babies? All i heard was adult so do what ever the fuck you want.

Yes, maybe i was a vicious asshole in my last journal and maybe i shouldn't have acted that way, im just surprised at how its a controvercy when considering the subject. Some just didnt like the way i handled it but agreed that cub isnt cool. Others want to say that those people have a condition and im attacking them for it. Okay, if they are engaging in it and letting it build, its on them. Like i said, if they try to suppress it, then i empathize with them in their struggle to control themselves, but when they freely allow themselves to engage in it and think its okay, then its not appropriate to treat them as if they have a "condition". It kind of reminds me of back when the Newtown shooting happened and one of my (now former) friends wanted to empathize with the shooter and tell me im an asshole for wishing that child killing cunt was in hell with a hot iron up his ass. Yea, maybe he had mental issues but he threw away any ability for any rational human being to have empathy for him when he decided to take his frustration out on innocent children. There are circumstances where its okay to have "sympathy for the devil" but like i said before, there has to be a limit and a line that cannot be crossed, when someone has to say that its not okay. Now i dont think that people who casually enjoy cub are as bad as a school shooter, but why does anyone feel the need to defend them? If they are supressing and trying to deal with it, thats one thing, but if they engage in it and express their fetish and fantasy, then its not okay, even if it doestn go anything beyond fantasy. There is no rational reason for someone to defend someone who is actively and happily engaging in a highly immoral act.

I remember now that one of my now happily ex-friends told me once that they enjoyed cub sometimes and that i wouldn't be afraid to try it if i could get past the negative social connotation. Wow, really? Thank god we're not friends anymore. Its not about whether its socially acceptable, its about the fact that it is IMMORAL AND UNACCEPTABLE. and to put it as ONLY a social issue instead of a moral issue is frankly....well i dont want to be vicious so ill just say it is ignorant.

And to close, why the controversy? Honestly, only a few people responded back about it but im sure more people read it and had their own opinion about it. with all the people who were talking about how poorly i handled it, i ask them this: If someone who had themselves been sexually abused as a child or had someone in their family sexually abused said any of the stuff i said, would you feel the need to play devil's advocate? Would you blame me? Maybe i was just venting and i was being hateful and vicious concerning a topic that most people i know dont enjoy, but i didnt expect it to escalate and for people to feel the need to butt heads with me on it. Not all of it was about the subject matter however, some of it was concern over the way i handle things and i think that some of those people were reasonably concerned ABOUT ME and i respect and understand that. Regardless this entire journal is a in depth, impromptu, clarification.

I have the right to my opinion and you have the right to judge me for it. All im asking is that you honestly think very careful about it and your own values and the extent of your understanding of morality and tolerance. Maybe i should curb how i handle a subject and how i present my opinions, but i HONESTLY didnt expect it to be a controversy. Regardless i said what i needed to and if need be, ill clarify further in the comments.

Edit: I deleted the other Journal in which i was vicious because 1). I think this journal is a better take on the subject 2). to protect the identities of those involved 3) because it was kind of a dick move journal. If you would like to know exactly what i said, just take what i said here, condense it, add the words fuck and cunt for flavor and you might be able to imagine.

Okay then a couple days ago i announced my desire to leave. I think i should explain myself further.

First of all im not leaving right away. I dont have an exact time frame but i think a couple months in order to test the waters and take care of a few things. I simply announced my desire for departure early so that anyone who cared would express their toughs and have adequate knowledge. I think i at least owe an advanced warning.

Second of all, ive been thinking on this further since some of my friends had talked to me about it. Ive been feelign cold feet about the whole thing since i announced it but i begin to realise that i really do want to change things. I think that i should handle this a diffrent way. Instead of just outright leaving without looking back i should try to handle things tactfully and with grace. Im not leaving the fandom, never was, i just wana start over and express myself differently.

and as far as my friends go, i think i should try to rekindle old friendships as best i can before i outright try and let it all go. My problem is i feel a certain amount of spite and distrust and yet i am incredibly sentimental and get attached. Another huge issue i have is i get incredibly insecure when some of my friends dont talk to me for a long time, wondering if they even like me anymore.

How im going to handle this is try establish a change in how i express myself with a different character and account. In that time im going to try new things with people, try to work things out and in the end decide whether or not i want my new self to be known.

And if everything works out well maybe i wont end up feeling like i made a huge mistake.

Ill call this something different from a departure. Its more like a change.

You know i didn't really have a plan for how i was going to express this. I thought i was going to have a better plan for this. I thought i was going to have everything planned out for how i was going to get ready to go and only announce my departure when it was time. I guess its better this way.

Im Leaving. And im not coming back. No more Nicholas Alsatian neither here nor on skype nor anywhere. I want to begin again somewhere else.

and i dont know what else to say beyond that. Ill keep in contact with the people that matter most to me but for everyone else, im sorry but i think its time for me to go.

I suppose its curious why isnt it? why do i want to go? Well im not happy with who i am currently. I also dont like the reputation (if any) i have accumulated. Im above this and its time for a change. Maybe i want a clean slate, tabula rasa. Others are also the reason why i want to go. I feel like i need to leave because of the people around me. Old friends who never talk to me anymore, new friends who i cannot relate to or have a meaningful conversation with, some people i cannot stand. Some people who are toxic to me. people in general. It all seems so empty to me. I could just get rid of them but i feel like i would rather just disappear in general. No past, only a future. And i think that is what is best for me. Im not sure who will miss me, i suppose some of you will try to talk me out of it. I understand but i need to do what will help me. I feel like ive accumulated alot of baggage and its time to let go.

Im not leaving right away, i still need to make some finalization, but i wont be here too much longer. Just a couple more things to take care of, at my own pace. More journals of course, last words, etc. etc.

( This is adressing someone over something that happened a while ago. Its not really to bring attention to myself or anything, its for the purpose of just smoothing things over. I have something to say to someone, i don't know if they will read it but it doesn't matter. I could note them but i dont really want to contact them, i just want what i have to say to have been said. I suppose you could criticize me for it but i would rather you shut the fuck up at this point.)

Its been a few years now since i saw you and last time i addressed you it was not particularly good. I ranted about you on how you treated me and it was written in spite, a heavy spite that i held for a long time. however recently i have thought about it again and i think i have a diffrent understanding.
When i made that rant i was so angry about how you were to me despite how much i claimed to have cared about you. I said i was always there for you and a bunch of things and then remembered how you disregarded and neglected me. I said i was a loyal friend and you were an asshole who didnt give a shit about me. In my mind i thought i was right about you and painted you as this asshole who wasted my time and broke my heart, but two years later, i'm a little more mature and i think i have a new understanding.
You are not a bad person. I honestly think you have some good qualities, you just were a bit detached. I was so angry about that until i realized what you went through in your life, having gotten close to people and having them torn away from you. I think with that background, i can see how you were so distant from me and most others. Ironically it was your personal issues that made me feel so much compassion for you and well, lets face it, obsessed with being your friend.
Im not going to deny the fact that you did some things that were dick moves however. You wronged me a few times actually. But i guess we all make mistakes and do things we are not proud of. You apologized for all those times and i guess made it up to me.I did some pretty stupid things too to be honest.
Regardless you were not a bad guy, just troubled and distant. Your curse was you were so damn charming and inviting. I loved how confident you seemed and social. You had everyone wrapped around your finger you had so much charisma. I also found you pretty handsome too during a time when i thought i only liked females. You and i did have some good times too, like when we played hide and seek on runescape together. We were friends, but i think that we were just incompatible in the end.
I think the main point of this journal is a new understanding about what happened between you and me. You and i were not compatible. I was very attatched and rather clingy at that time while you were detached and aloof, which got more prevalent as the years came. And i dont blame you for being detatched really. I think you could have worked on it but with what you told me about your home life and your first love of your life, i think i understand what happened. And i honestly think that it probably affects you more than it affected me. It affects your social life and your intimate relations and i cant see any way that it could be easy for you. Maybe you spent so much time creating a club and trying to become popular because you needed to fulfill an emptiness you felt. But i shouldnt assume, i just know i need to be fair with you. I owe you that much atleast.

Maybe that friendship could be summed up in the lyrics of a daft punk song

"what is this? could this be my understanding?
Its not your fault, i was being to demanding."
...
"I turned away because i thought you were the problem, tried to forget until i hit the bottom."

Sometimes i feel that if i wasn't so clingy with you and then get so fed up with your distance, maybe you and i would still be friends, maybe you would have gotten less distant and maybe i would have gotten less clingy. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe we could have gotten intimate a few more times. You told me you were proud of me when i decided to let you go and im starting to appreciate that you said that. It is good for me to stand up for myself, but maybe i shouldn't have been so adamant about letting out friendship dissolve. I do think it was a bit detatched for you to say though, i wish you would have atleast tried to ask for another chance, but maybe you were thinking the same thing that i was thinking at the time, that you and i were just not working out.

Ive just been holding onto the feelings of spite for so long and its taken me two years to realize that neither one of us has to be the bad guy in this situation, we both did things. I did cause two of your employees to quit working at your second life club because i was too sensitive. I think its mature to give you the benefit of the doubt and try to see things more from your point of view and come to the understanding that maybe it was just not working out not just because of you but because of how we both were. I just think im ready to let it go. It took me long enough but i guess im still a sensitive soul.
In all truth i hope you are doing okay these days and live a happy life. I think you are a good person with demons of your own just like all of us. You may not be perfect and neither am I. I hope everything works out for you.

You did alot for me and maybe i should have given you more credit, you intoduced me to the fandom more, you got me into second life, and durring the good times you were actually a pretty fun guy to be around. Im sorry it took me so long to let it go.

I dont know a propper way to end this but i just want it to be said that im glad i got the chance to be around you for all the times we had, good or bad. I guess ill end this by summing it up with song lyrics.

"One night and one more time
Thanks for all the memories, thanks for all the memories"
-Nick~

Here is an excerpt from a dream i had that you might find interesting.

Next thing i know i am in my bed and get a message on my phone. It says i have a message from Marshal (a gentleman who hangs out at College in the lgbt lounge who i recently found out is a hyena furry. weird because i haven't given him much thoughts) for this website. I log onto this website and it looks like this huge website dedicated soley to furry roleplay and its set up like an online store or something. It showed you all the users who were online at the moment and if you clicked on their profile, it would show you what fetishes they would role play and how much it would cost to play with them (for how long it did not specify). Of course some users would roleplay for free but it was weird how some people would charge for roleplay. I suppose it was intended to be like some sort of escort service for people who really liked roleplay. I found a profile for Eachom and he was friendly.

This is an interestign scenario isnt it? Honestly i wouldnt be surprised if people would charge money for roleplay, though i doubt it would be very popular due to the implications.

Alrighty then. Some of you wonder where ive been and all that because i dont post many journals anymore nor do i talk much. Well the truth of the matter is ive always been here, there is just not much to say. I realize that a great leap of maturity is to avoid the urge to create a journal about even your most minor provocation. I dont need to make my problems public and thats alright. And truth be told i think im much more mature about how i handle things than i was even a year or two ago. So yea. Not much to say
Best wishes
Nicholas Alsatian

 Innocentmeal17 might potentially be kicked out of his house by his evil grandfather. For now he lives in the Sacramento Area of California and Needs a place to stay. Now if you could offer a place to stay and you live in this state, please shoot him a note. If you are neither in this state nor are able to provide a place to stay, then create a journal and spread the word. This is a guy who is really kind and very selfless and deserves a chance to get back on his feet.
His Journal: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6169756/
-Thank you

(edit): he is now in Rhode Island

Okay then, onto the matter at hand.
 HeavyHoss is looking for an alternate living situation.
The parameters are "North-East Tennessee area (Specifically Tri-Cities region) with an extra room, I'm looking for a place to live until at least January 2016. I'll gladly pay rent and I'll draw all the porn you want. Will have money for some kind of downpayment here in the next few weeks."
If you are able to help my friend with his living situation. Note him directly. If you are unable to help him with his living situation but wish to help in some way, please spread the word (with dignity), preferably to people who live in the Tennessee area and not in Canada or the UK.
Thank you
-NicholasAlsatian

Ive been having some thoughts lately and i would like to express some of them. A fellow of mine has been dealing with some housing issues. I will talk more about his plight in a separate journal so that this subject matter does not overshadow it. My problem is with something else.
Whenever someone is in need, whether it be concerning funds or a place to stay, and that someone overcoming pride and producing a journal asking for help when it is most needed, you always see random people making comments that are plainly unhelpful and borderline manipulative. Im talking about those people make comments like "Damn, i wish i could help" and "I would help if i could but i cant" or "hope you get some help". I understand that there are people who simply mean to offer morale support but it is slightly counterproductive. You are making comments and getting a person's hopes up that it might be a lead when it is really someone who simply wishes they could help but really cant do anything. It is sometimes manipulative because whenever artists are having a hard time and need some help, there is a whole flock of people who come along and make unnecessary comments that mostly suggest that that person wishes to win favor or brownie points with that person in order to maybe get close to that person and get free art. Would such a response be given to someone who produces no art? I highly doubt it. And this isn't a commentary about how artists gain widespread attention, this is about the motives of their followers.
It kind of reminds me of "Great Expectations" in which extended family members flock to a rich, old relative's house, giving her attention and expressing their great (although feigned) concern for her well being in order to gain favor with her so to maybe be written into her will.
Lets be honest here, even if you are sincere and really care for that person, your comments of hope and wishing-well are not going to do much. I suppose if you were religious you might say that praying works and i am not going to argue that but you don't really need to tell people that they are in your prayers because you are (at least according to the bible) not really supposed to bring attention your praying. I think instead of making comments like such, you should actually...you know...do something.

I understand what you are thinking. "But Nicholas, what can i do? I can neither offer money nor lodging. I am simply a lowly watcher/writer with nothing to offer." Well to that i say you are not trying very hard. Even if you are a watcher you might have a few followers and maybe you could produce a journal spreading the word that such person needs help. Anything helps. In fact that is a great idea. Instead of wishing you could do something, actually DO something. And when you actually do something, don't feel entitled like that person is indebted to you because you actually bothered to care about them. Do something because you want to help them, not because you want to gain something out of it. I know i might have engaged in such behavior before but i understand now that it is pointless to make comments on peoples In-Need journals when you have nothing to offer in order to gain some sort of reputation with said people.
So to sum it up, if someone needs help and publicly ask for it (via journal, which will imply that they are willing to let it be known that they are at the point to where they need to ask the community for help) then follow these easy to remember steps:
1: Do Not make a comment on their journal about how much you care and hope that things work out.
2:Go to your journals
3: Make a journal letting your followers know that someone you are acquainted with needs help
4: Post the journal
5: Move on

There, you actually did something. You may think it doesn't help and is even slightly more manipulative but at least this way you did something that could result in something actually happening.
I suppose maybe this is less a journal about a specific social phenomena and more an issue about doing things for the right reasons.
P.S. If you do wana express your support, do it in private because when you do it publicly, you look like a bleeding heart. Just be a good buddy and offer your ears.

I made a sofurry account recently. At first i joined the website to unabashedly look for more pornography that tailors to my interest. After being thoroughly disappointing (inflation art is not as common there), i looked at it again and it seems to be an interesting website. I suppose i will look into it more and i like what i see so far. Maybe this will be something new. either way, its fun to switch things up. My only main gripe with the website is that they still have cub art. You can say alot of things about furraffinity but atleast you dont have to worry about accidentally finding cub art. Anyway, random Journal.

Well lets see. Its about 2am and i should be sleeping but i was feeling sentimental so i will make a journal. Its interesting how people grow and mature over the years. I am kind of glad i am not the same person i used to be a few years ago. To be honest, right now, at this point in my life, i feel like a blooming flower. I am not as immature as i used to be and i feel like i have a lot more perspective. I feel like i have overcome the setbacks of being autistic. I am a very understanding person and i honestly believe i have empathy for others. I feel like i am actively seeking knowledge and perspective. I also realize that i have made mistakes. I feel like there were friendships that i let die, friendships i have not explored and things i have done that i wish i had not. I also understand that i am flawed. I also feel that ever since i turned 18, i have engaged less in this website's community and primarily used it to gather things of a more sexual theme. I don't particularly like that part of me but its there and i hope i get bored of it eventually. In all honestly, even though i love this community, i dont always feel like a furry anymore. I used to identify myself as a German shepherd but i feel like Nicholas is simply a part of me, not a whole. I see myself as a different entity. I will of course be a German shepherd on here, but Nicholas Alsatian (Alsatian is my last name now [i am probably going to change it again in the future]) is simply a vehicle in which i interact with you. None the less, he does embody some of my qualities. I suppose he is just a version of me. Even though i feel like a flower in bloom, i have a lot of blooming and growing left to do, But i will become the person i am supposed to be. And in all honesty, i feel like you all will as well. Life is hard, but we have the capability to overcome it. You are all pretty much good people and i think so long as we all just try to better ourselves, we will be okay. I have hope for humanity because we have come this far. We are flawed, yes, and we are capable of incredible evil at times, but don't forget that we are also capable of unimaginable good as well. We are all good people, we just need to keep improving ourselves. It will be okay in the end. Everything works out, and if it does not, it still kind of does. I suppose my views may be overly optimistic and i will probably look back and wonder why i wrote this, but i am told that i am profound when i am tired. Either way, its just kind of nice to exist, you know? Even though i feel like i might distance myself from you all at times, i would like you to know that i have the highest appreciation and admiration for all of you. You have all been here with me for a very long time and helped keep me sane and look at things from different perspectives. You all have helped me so much and i just want you to know that i will do what ever i can do return the favor. Its nice to have friends, whether or not they are online or in the real world. You are all beautiful people.
Anyway, i think i best be off to bed now. Thanks for reading.

The ONLY Rule: The owner MUST answer these questions IN CHARACTER.
Got tagged by no one

1.) What is your name?
Nicholas Alsatian

2.) Do you know why you were named that?
It is the name i chose for myself.

3.) Are you single or taken?
Single

4.) Have any abilities or powers?
I some rather dark abilities. I can disappear into clouds of ash and dust, reform through ash and dust, an un-natural level of proficiency with firearms, ability to control fire (to an extent) and some others that i wont care to mention.

5.) Stop being a Mary-Sue!
I am not sure i understand that reference.

6.) What's your eye color?
Green


7.) How about Fur/Scale color?
Jet Black


8.) Have you any family members?
I would rather not talk about them...

9.) Oh? How about pets?
Whenever they feel like being pets.

10.) That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.
The words "glum, slump, glorious, Yolo" and so much more. I have an entire book of things i dont like.

11.) Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?
Shooting, martial arts, reading, dreaming, drinking tea, and making food.

12.) Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?
Yes, though it was not entirely unjustified.

13.) Ever...killed anyone before?
Yea, though i usually try to avoid it unless it is necessary.

14.) What kind of animal are you?
As far as you know, an Alsatian

15.) Name your worst habits?
Anxiety....yea, just anxiety. That and my overwhelming fear of small children.

16.) Do you look up to anyone at all?
I suppose i do.

17.) Are you gay, straight, or bisexual?
What ever i feel like being.

18.) Do you go to school?
I did, and i attained a lot of relevant knowledge about people and the mind.


19.) Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?
I would like to marry but i may not want to have children. I am terrified of children.

20.) Do you have fangirls/fanboys?
I am not entirely sure.

21.) What are you most afraid of?
Well i tend to obsess over things like nuclear war and other apocalyptic events. The again i shouldnt worry much.

22.) Okay... What do you usually wear?
Most things so long as it is black.


23.) What's one food that tempts you?
Do almond cookies count as food?

24.) Am I annoying you?
This question does.

25.) Well, it's still not over!
Now i know why my friend Xan wants to devour you.

26.) What class are you? Low class, middle class, high class?
I dont really think it matters, i have what i need and a little more and it works out alright.

27.) How many friends do you have?
A decent ammount. They are quite pleasant.


28.) What are your thoughts on pie?
These questions are getting rather specific and the answer is yes.


29.) Favorite drink?
Tea

30.) What's your favorite place?
My house. My own personal sanctuary

31.) Are you interested in anyone~?
Everyone is interesting if they would stop pretending.

32.) SKIPPING. NOPE. (Yes this is the original question)
Yea, right about now i am starting to get annoyed.


33.) Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?
A lake most favorably.


34.) What's your type?
Smart, funny, cute, and knows when to show a mean side x3


35.) Camping or indoors?
Indoors


38.) Are you still wanting the quiz to end?
Yea, i kind of am.

39.) Well, it's over. Now tag some people!
How about no?

This is a meme that is actually interesting.

Write a comment below with an assumption you have about me and I might respond to it.

and just wonder what the fuck you were thinking? It seems that i dont really make stupid comments but just the way i used to put words together just made me seem like a bit of a derp.

My old friend Russell and i met up yesterday at the mall and saw each other for the first time in four years. He somehow figured out i was a furry a long time ago and i just got around to explaining some of its aspects. One thing he was amused by was the fact that we have stereotypes, like if you are a fox, an otter a bunny or a husky, we know what you will be doing in this fandom, am i right? And what amused him most was that a friend of his friend was a gay furry and he was a husky. However, he didnt realize that the fandom extends beyond just real animals to include dragons and mythical creatures. I explained to him that essentially, being a furry isnt really about being furry, its about not being human or transcending humanity. I also explained to him how straight people are a minority and while we do have alot of sexual content, we also have a lot of spiritual side to it too. It required further explanation though. Its multi faceted.

1) Tell you something I learned about you by looking at your FA page for 10 seconds.
2) Tell you a color you remind me of.
3) Tell you my first memory of you.
4) Ask you a question.
5) Tell you something I like about you.
6) Tell you the object that is in front of me.
7) Dare you to do this yourself in your own journal

Okay then! Where was i? Oh yes. Well I am back after a most difficult move. How did it go you ask? Well where do i start.

Well to begin, i though i had more time to give you all a proper goodbye. Because my family is bad at planing ahead, the second i got home from finals (and a last afternoon at the mall with my good friends) we (me and my father) ....god it was an aweful mess. We threw a whole bunch of good furniture away because we didnt wana pay to move it all the way over here. Personally, the two days that we were packing up the house was something i never wana remember again. Seriously, no organization, no sens of direction, we just packed up and went. And after that, it was four god awful days of driving across the country hauling a poorly packed trailer. Serriously, i know some of you people were born in the center of this great country, but why stay there? i couldnt imagine living in any of these center states. It looks nice and all but eh. And i got little sleep the entire time. And what sucked the most. I sat three feet away from my father at all times. He was surprsingly well behaved the entire trip up until we actually got to California, then he started acting like an asshole again. So after two days of packign and four days of driving, we arrived in san diego. Now it was significantly nicer down in San Diego. We stayed in a nice hotel room that my mother had been staying in for the prior two weeks. I spent most of my time down there going to the beach or shopping. Furthermore....fuck it, i am tired, let me just sum up what is goign on now

Living at my sisters house. MY GOD this is so much better. My own room, privacy, respect, not getting yelled at for stupid shit like taking out the trash or being myself. As soon as my parents go back down to san diego, i can start running up and down the streets yelling "Freedom!". They are staying in this area for now but they are going back down after this weekend. Yea so thats it.

IM BACK BITCHES!