my electric bill is WAY higher than expected this month so if anyone wanted a quick commission like a pfp or a simple cartoony style character drawing now would be a great time!

headshot/pfp/avatar commissions are $25
cartoony character art starts at $50 - but some things may affect the price, dont be afraid to ask!

i'm also open for reference sheets, comic projects or other projects. shoot me a line or use the form on my site:

http://demon-sushi.com/art

gifts/shineys/donations/boosts are also very welcome obviously!

http://ko-fi.com/notfun
http://paypal.me/notfun
$cial

edit:
i also forgot to mention, i have a shop!

there's comics, paintings, pogs, tea in a tin, zines, stickers and other things on there!
https://ko-fi.com/notfun/shop

what a month x.x

apart from dealing with my family being...not great (including a death where the last words to me were that they were 'no drama' so i should not talk abt feelings w them) our car died. like, /really/ died. head gasket went, rip the cobalt. so we spent like 2 weeks scrambling, paying excessively for a rental, finally finding a cheap 07 murano that isnt a death trap for under 4k... so that is the new car, but then it cost extra to transfer plates and ghskgdhdsfad a cop ticketed us for parking on grass we pay taxes on... omg then the trash pickup company thats been ghosting us was like oh actually SURPRISE we're quitting all pickup in your area entirely, we just forgot to tell u lol and no we wont refund the month lol. its just been a TIME.

also i'm real light in the commissions department... if you wanted work from me nows a great time friends x.x bc i gotta get some sort of savings buffer back up before Next winter

waiting for the weather to finally turn nice for a few months so i can rip out of my winter body like superman tearing thru his clark kent suit n go running around touching plants and dirt and creatures. theres a giant bull mastiff new to the neighborhood (two actually) who Normally Hates Men but has decided he Likes Me Just Fine bc he gets all wiggly and waggly when i see him across the street. u and me doggi, we know whats up. u dont hate men u just hate dangerous ones who hurt your humans before, like a Good Dog ought to. but yea im looking forward to some time this spring maybe asking if i can give him a hug. i'll get slimed for sure, nothing a mastiff does comes without buckets of drool. but i love a doggi big enough to wrap my arms around lmao

therapist thinks im doing well in therapy, i still feel very anxious about it but what ca n you doooo

wow, i honestly think this was my favourite anthro new england so far. i finally was able to get a lot of social things done i'd meant to do for ages, i got to enjoy fursuiting for a while, i got to make new connections and new art and support new artists and old favs. even though the wind coming in off the harbor was BRUTAL cold! it was a really necessary uplifting experience, i guess, especially as i go no-contact with toxic family to kick off my 2024. being around people who do care about my interests, feelings, health, creations... all of that. i needed the reminder that it's not me who's broken. though it was rough vs anxiety, i managed to make it til noon sunday before the worry that the cats alone at home were hungry and freezing (they werent, the heat stayed on just fine, but WORRY)

which is as good a transition as any to this: my birthday this coming sunday! im dead meat old!! 42!! in 2024! weird!!
but more than anything, what i want is to be able to buy a bulk supply of ren (my eldest cat's) arthritis medication for the vet to administer to her monthly, that'll make it cheaper over the course of the year to get her the treatment she really truly needs to be comfortable and healthy in her old age.

it's 300$ for a bulk order, which would be only about 3 doses if bought on the current payment structure we're doing. but this would cover her for 6 months, which is much cheaper.
i made a lil gofundme for it, if people want to/can contribute to my birthday wish:

https://gofund.me/c7e604e6

the medication is called solencia - in case anyone reading also has old arthritic cats and is looking for this miracle drug that ren's on.

if you cant toss a few bucks in, sharing the word around that this is my bday wish is also really helpful and effective.

i'm looking forward to getting some real work done, now that i've no longer got to field the nonsense of my biofam jerking me around constantly at the last second with no regards to my life or work or finances. i hope and i pray this is the year things finally return to the track i had my work life on before cancer hit. fingers crossed yall.

oh yeah, and the ursa major awards are open for nominations! uh, if you wanted to nominate a certain scifi comic that's been running online for 20 years and just wrapped up (mine, its my comic) that'd be amazing too lmao but no pressure - web awards lost their sheen sometime around 2002 for me, so its more just about again - spreading the word lmao

heyyy yall

since 2019 ive been gathering the years' inhuman art into a pdf (rather than listing it bit by bit weekly in links on a website as the year crawls along) and 2023s is up on itchio

https://hekshano.itch.io/inhuman2023

there's some adult content in it at the back, but it follows a strong warning so i think no one should be shocked or traumatized.

its official as of last night, we're headed to ane 24!

since there's been kind of a lack of info on what to expect (due to the con's social media platform dujor imploding) and since i'm only vending friday in the artists alley, we're probably not going to stick around for sunday? but it'll be fun either way. and it's right before my birthday, ahhaha

i just... need to survive a week around family first
and not catch covid from them
when im sure they arent taking any precautions at all, and only have 5 n95s left and should really save those for public transit......

keep your fingers crossed for me and my One Working Lung

thanks everyone for the supportive replies on my last journal. and thank you to a really sweet donor who prefers to remain anonymous for helping lift some money anxiety too. sometimes, even still, ya boy winds up Going Through It.

another factor was my old lady cat was really suffering due to arthritis, and as long timers know ren is basically my rock. shes been with me almost nonstop since 2008, but that also means she's really getting up there. her kidneys are *okay* (we do subderm fluid injections 2x a week and shes on a kidneysupport diet) but her arthritis has always been early onset and bad. her meds (solencia) wore off and she woke up literally screaming and hissing in pain and could barely move the following day. it was really scary for us as her humans, and even for the other elder cat (luna!) who wouldnt leave her side and wanted to guard her from the kitten. not that audrey would ever be so cruel as to pick on someone feeling unwell!

anyway we were able to turn up the heat which helped her a lot, and get her the solencia again which will also help. but watching the sweet old lady ive known for so long age is a stressor too. it leads to moments of weakness crying into the void.

ultimately it was a really wholesome hannukah week. my friend sent me a hyena plushie, another friend got me a hoodie. i got a pin coming from another friend... and furcadia put the hollydrake avatar on sale which made me really happy because i think its my fav new designed avatar returning after 10 years of not playing.

i'm working on some comics for straviios, and more book art for codelizard - i'm trying to reach a point of stable enough life nonsense to return to streaming.

just wrapped xmas gifts today, trying not to let the fact that theres family-history-concerning medical testing happening to me between now and then get to me too much. it actually feels in some ways a great deal like new years eve 2007-2008 in a strange way... but maybe all that means is i desperately want to walk around a japanese department store (when DONT i) and listen to the Polyphonic Spree.

be well, i hope no one was scared for me. ive been here 41 years, my own hand cant turn against me with so little resistance.

not shonen enough? i should get back to reading one piece

you know what's sad? i spent ten years having to worry about everything i wrote online because of stalkers who hated me for i guess being trans and going to japan. they finally backed off cuz i got cancer, and now my own fucking family is stalking me. cuz i had the gall to ask if they could help me pay for therapy. after cancer. and because i've drawn clear boundries on what i will and will not tolerate in terms of their narcy behavior in my life, because again, i had cancer. i am suddenly much more aware of my mortality. and i don't want it to be full of boomers telling me that i should not worry about my rights as a trans person because the "bigger picture" is on cnn or.... no. fuck it. i'm already worked up. new train of thought.

good things have happened this year. i finished my comic! i'm actually caught up on every mewtwo plush ever made in my collection (minus one super rare alternate version) ! i launched my pokemon fansite hub (pkmncollectors.online) and i kept our household running and above water a few times. i walked 5 miles (lmaooooooo) and raised 300$ for cancer.

but my best friend decided ketamine was his new best friend.
and my family decided because of my boundry drawing and "social media and gofundme" i cant be trusted to tell the truth about when i need help. i don't see what it would achieve to lie. i had fucking cancer. they were neglegent. they werent by my side in chemo. they didn't come see me for radiation. during surgery they were telling my spouse how boring i was. to even ask them for money is desperation. stupid of me. but i just wanted to get some therapy to stop feeling like i'm constantly going to die (even though my health is terrible and my right lung is malformed now my family joke about "let er rip!" with covid in front of me) and i cant afford it.

so what do they do?
they harass my spouse, calling him at work, to demand to know why it's still expensive to see a therapist 2023 usa.
they try to get the billing office at therapy to disclose private information to them.
they email the therapist i'm seeing, and tell him i'm off my meds (i'm not) and behaving irrationally angrily towards them. thankfully he didn't reply. just told me.
then they're like "hey but i love you, im so sorry i LITERALLY GHOSTED YOU on thanksgiving, id like to see you for nye but ONLY IF I GET TO DRIVE YOU THERE AND BACK AND YOULL STAY FOR A WEEK because i love you :)))))"

like what the fuck man
i feel like we've all had the rough ride since 2020 but i feel also like everyone (and i do mean everyone) forgets that before 2020 i had 2019, which was the year of chemotherapy and radiation... for stage 3 cancer.... and. just. no one seems willing to care, who knows me in the flesh, outside my spouse. everyone else is just all "im in it for me, my feelgoods, my narrative, my movie" to the exclusion of empathy. and it's. fuckin me up.

then throw money stress on top, double fucks me up. now every therapy session i have to worry if they'll withdraw help paying for it because they haven't been able to get anyone to leak the contents of the sessions to them. they claim they're only trying to get through to billing to "see the receipts" but i've literally sent them the receipts, marked that i've already paid. i just.

i fucking hate my biofam, you guys.
they're narcissists.
they're abusers.
i can't even trust them to remember something they agree to that they're reminded of, if it involves me.

just feels like i'm forever a teen locked out of the house because the boomers changed locks and told every child and gave them all a new key but 'forgot' me....
that's not an alegory, that's. something they did. they also moved without telling me at one point. i found out through a third party IMing me "i heard your family moved"

they all go on vacations round the globe every year but where were they for the cancer bills? the only biofam member who contributed was my uncle and his daughter, who i almost never talk to.

what the fuck does "social media and gofundme" even mean
those are things people resort to when they /have/ no family support to pay bills

i have none, that's why i had to

it's not a validation to withhold help??

plus fuckin, my dad doesnt even know how social media works. he has, for over a decade, followed someone on twitter who isn't me. i had /long left/ twitter and he was still asking me "hey is (user) you?" and i kept going "no. stop following them." but for some reason he i guess convinced himself he sluethed out my secret (public?) vent twitter account and kept following!!! and that person also got big into ketamine!!! so i'm sure that helped him write his narrative of why he shouldn't trust me and doesn't need to respect my boundries, listen to what i'm saying, or help me out. he doesn't care anyway. my sister pointed it out a while back and i've become acutely aware of it since - he never asks how we are. never. not once. it's just all about him. i used to respect my father, but now he's just another narc boomer.

i just finished an art project of 20 years. none of them could pick a character of mine out of a lineup of one. none of them care about me enough to even show a passing interest. not since my grandmother died.

it feels very, very lonely. i hate this time of year. i hate the pressure to pretend i'm loved by them, so they can pretend they're good people at their holiday parties. so they can pretend they care.

i think they'd all be much happier if i'd died of cancer, because then they'd never have to bother with the audacity of me asking to be treated like a human being. they could just fully control the narrative, bury me under my dead name (that's why we call it that, kids) and throw parties where they soak up the attention for their loss.

i hate them, yall.
but more, i hate that the heart loves them still.

do you h ave a little pokemon website maybe you've made or you're a fan of?
i would like you to share it with me :>

i’m making a mega list of peoples’ pokemon collections, but i’ve decided a collection can also be like…someone’s mystery dungeon comic, or someone’s fanfiction, or someone’s crafts, or music, or whatever other way they express their love of pokemon in a way others get to see it all in one place!

it’s still kind of a work in progress. but i have 40 sites on my list so far, and i’d like to add even more. so if you have or made a little site to your fav pokemon stuff, please share the url with me.

heyyy a friend of mine i made at tinypawscon a few years ago just got let go from her entertainment writing job abruptly and is /struggling/

if anyone has leads to get her hired, here's her site, some of her work & fediverse contact:
https://literalgrill.com/
https://www.animefeminist.com/autho.....borealiscapps/
https://www.animeherald.com/author/bcapps/
https://sakurajima.moe/@literalgrill
her email's: literalgrill at gmail

she's been to school for this im p sure! she's disabled so remote writing positions are where its at. she'd ideally like to write on anime/manga i think but has in the past written for other entertainment industry subjects. if you have any leads please get in contact with her, she needs everyone's help this close to the holidays!!!

finally over pnuemonia to the extent im no longer coughing up streaks of dark stuff in the morning. lung xray is sometime after the 8th. will my right lung still be tiny? we will find out.

getting back to projects. decided to try to teach myself (more) css by building little personal character sites, and to practice making sites screen reader friendly for users who cant see well or at all.
http://deathsticks.org/glitterstim
http://deathsticks.org/burnout
http://demon-sushi.com/audio

formating all the logfiles of character RP for display isnt really my high priority tho so im leaving that for the back burner.

i got World of Horror for switch but havent really started to play, since its still very busy from halloweeny stuff it feels like. trying to find a therapist, find one i like, she feels like we're /too/ similar so itd be bad for therapy boundries, back to square one. met some (nice) neighbors, their babies and their dogs. dressed as a nidoking. started ren (oldest kitty) on subcutanious fluids for kidney support. fighting w friends over my triggers, fighting w family over prefering a literal transphobe at holiday meals to the trans person and doing nothing about it but offering me platitudes, fighting with depression feeling unsupported in my lows in the fleshworld. lost 10% body mass (from 155lb to 140) from said depression. opened furcadia and felt better lmfao

my comic is really close to finished now. maybe 5-6 pages before im done with the entire thing and can focus entirely on:
-print prep
-screenreader website redesign
-page transcripts

all of which leave my art time open. im trying to be excited and not fatalistic. this thing i spent 20 years on that kept me going is ending!!! what the fuck

took me a while to get upright. as soon as i got home from the 5k and my friend's bday i came down w pnuemonia and im still feeling pretty rough. got 2 antibiotics, a steroid and an inhaler x.x and a weird chest xray that requires more followup with specialists... love it

the 5k cancer walk was really nice, apart from being twice the distance we anticipated because americans i guess think 5k is branding for a marathon and not an actual unit of measurement. the weather was lovely and it felt good to see people walking in groups to memorialize friends theyd lost or with people who had lived. i saw one lady with a shirt she'd clearly worn every marathon since her treatment and she crossed out the old years and added new years each time, so she was like a 15 year survivor. and seeing that some of the people lost to BC who were being marched for were men and that NONE of the signs/imagery of the walk were gendered was really nice. i mean there was a ton of pink, but what can you do. at least it wasnt all "fight like a girl!" shit which just makes me feel invisible w my cancer story.

i wanted to jump into an october daily draw but obviously ive been kind of restricted by the pneumonia. the last time i had this i was a child and i remember it took a week to clear up before i could return to school. currently, i fall to my knees in a coughing fit if i try anything as stressful as.... changing the sheets on the bed :T

but hey at least i got in to an urgent care in time to avoid hospitalization! whew

something ive no chance to get used to is that now anything that takes a lot of energy wipes me out for days and days after.

is it the cancer treatment from 2019?
the covid from 2021?

hard to say

but sometimes i sleep more than i am awake

uh
did you get

paid

this week (8/31/23)

or is this wider spread than just a corner of massachusetts

edit: its not just us x.x
https://federalnewsnetwork.com/pay/.....payroll-error/

this saturday is a tiny little one day comic con in the bronx that i'll be attending!

https://yasucollectibles.com/?utm_s.....gn=FanCons.com

i've been feeling really, really, really low lately so if you do visit please find me and say hello in the dealer's den <3
it's a short little thing that ends at 4pm so you'll want to plan! ahead!! to avoid nyc trapping you in traffic if you're coming into the city from elsewhere.

i'll be doing sketch commissions and selling printed comics and stickers.

hello!!! on october 1st i'm planning to join the 5k walk in boston for breast cancer research. as a survivor, obviously, it's important to me.

my team (it's just me rn) is fundraising, and if i don't hit the goal that's fine, but i'd still like to try. to donate on behalf of my team to support cancer research, use this link!

if you'd like to walk with me in boston during the 5k please reach out to me via email (cial @ deathsticks.org) and i'll keep you in the loop and add you to the team.

okayyyy thanks!!! i hope i'll see you there!

update!!! it’s good news!!!

tala’s biopsy report came back and its NOT malignant! that means it’s not a cancerous tumor!! just a GIANT NON CANCEROUS TUMOR thats PRESSING ON OTHER IMPORTANT ORGANS. but not cancer!!! he doesnt need to do chemo or radiation thank FUCK.

please still share his gfm and donate if you can, though, because obviously the tests/scans/biopsies and subsequent medical intervention to dealing w this tumor will still cost him.

thank you everyone who shared or kicked in, because it really -does- make emergency medical scares like this slightly less heart-stopping when you have less money anxiety floating around on top of everything else.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/talas-su.....ource=customer

 angrygrungecat had some really bad news during a planned surgery - the same kind of cancer that killed my maternal grandfather before i was born.

i've known tala for a long time, they grew up with people i knew in their home area. they're just trying to get through this stupid world without dying and...well. here we go.

PLEASE help him out!! i dont have the resources to myself but he's in dire need of funds for the biopsy and tumor removal and staging. he's set the goal at 10k, which to my having-done-the-cancer-thing ear looks correct for what he'll need going forward. please, please help tala survive without losing everything in the process.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/talas-su.....ource=customer

its that time of year again, the time of year when a hugeee collection of works (books, games, game assets, comics-!) by lgbtq+ creators on itchio goes on sale.

450 THINGS for 60$, the price of One idk nintendo game or w/e

and THIS YEAR i got to join the bundle too!!!!!!!!! so the pdf artbook of Queer Birds and also a cute lil gay comic i found cleaning my hd are part of this. i am: just a little excited.

check it OUT!
https://itch.io/b/1812/queer-games-bundle-2023

--> COMIC PRINTING PREORDERS<--

if you'd like to buy 5 issues of my comic! in print!!! im doing a preorder, and it'll help facilitate future prints.

chapters 11-15 are ones with some of my better art and also conveniently encapsulate a lot of the conflict and characters. so if you've been a longtime fan or just dont know where to start, these are good issues either way.

individual issues are 15$, but if you buy all FIVE you get 25$!!! off!!! at a 50$ bundle. shipping isn't included, but i'm mailing from the USA.

buy some #comics ! then i can print more #comics ! while i'm making #webcomics !! lmfao

HERES the preorder form!!
https://forms.gle/AVMevsTgDKwhGmXF9

Meep meep! commission post!

I'd like to reg for a small comic con in nyc and need table money, so i'm opening for ICONS! Or pfp, avatars. Whatever.

30$ each!

To claim:

- dm me here!! OR
- email cial[at]deathsticks.org OR
- use this form http://demon-sushi.com/art

Please dont use discord or telegram, im not checking those lately o/

i'm opening for ONE watercolor painting commission!!

100$ for a single char, can add others for an additional fee.

you'll get the original piece mailed to you, itll be on 7x10 inch paper.

DM me, email me (cial@deathsticks.org) or use my commish form if youre interested!
http://demon-sushi.com/art/

boosts & shares appreciated a lot, let folks know if you think they'd be into this

examples:
https://pool.jortage.com/donphansoc.....6ad3309462.png
https://pool.jortage.com/donphansoc.....87da757ab4.png

so, alright, after years!!! of bullying...
i'm working on a print copy of the 800 page omnibus that will compromise my E N T I R E comic

this is a big job and will take me months to complete
but some people might be curious as to its status, and so... i provide you this link
https://inhuman-omnibus.notion.site/d1c7dd0d36ea4db6b8463072a5ef9557?v=526523918b884669a5dc0aa69999b8fe

(alternately, click here)

individual chapters WILL be made available in print, but that'll be on a kind of a rolling basis. more updates on that as i get things ready.

psst... help me print a minicomic! i need a measely 75$ to make it happen! pledge over 5$ and you'll get a copy too.

details in the gfm!
https://gofund.me/c50dcf3b

hey so heres a thing
after 20 years of updates and 771 pages ive...finished... inhuman

you can read the last 4 (well, 5) pages early on kofi:
http://ko-fi.com/notfun

i still mean to do the epilogue and i still have cover art and an april fools page to go, and still want to redraw arc 4 for print (i lost a lot of progress on that when my ipad died... another reason i just... would rather not get pushed to digital...) but the actual story, the main plot, the whole like ~thing~ i started in 2003

is done

i feel a sense of relief but more of a sense of existential ennui since ive always felt like the comic and my continued life on this planet are deeply intertwined. so staying alive feels very strange now. more so since the whole cancer thing. will my timer run out when i finish the cover? when i finish the epilogue? after print copies are made? who knows. but if it runs out tomorrow, at least i've done what i set out to do. i finished what i started.

eat me, everyone who said i never would lmfao

read the entire comic, from the start, here:
http://www.inhuman-comic.com

thank you to oeveryone who helped!!! everyone who boosted, donated, shared teh link around etc. i am SO relieved and so happy that i can finally get rid of this big milstone round my neck. i'm just waiting on gfm to process and deposit donations at this point.

if you're still feeling the spirit of generocity i know several others who need help!

https://ko-fi.com/vagueplagues - vagueplagues and his family are homeless, have been for months now. he -really- needs your help rn.

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/VirgileMougin -virgile is a disability poster on the fediverse who found out he, too, got the Big C this week after months of doctors dismissing his health concerns. obviously he's going to need a helping hand.

https://ko-fi.com/radrats - luci & his pet rats are being left in the lurch by a bad housemate who's bailing on them, leaving them to pick up a 200$ tab in rent for an undetermined period of time until they can either find new roomies or something.

we look out for eachother around these parts!!!