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done treatment, YE HAW
Posted 6 years agowow i cannot believe it's been. 7 months of treatment but now i am finally done. and there is no visible cancer and as far as we know any microscopic cancer has been eliminated too. d...damn.
i've been told that the fatigue symptom of radiation is going to fade in 2-4 weeks, so it'll take around that long to get back up to full speed.
it's been a hell of a year. thanks for stickin with me so far!
i've been told that the fatigue symptom of radiation is going to fade in 2-4 weeks, so it'll take around that long to get back up to full speed.
it's been a hell of a year. thanks for stickin with me so far!
radiation ends the 15th
Posted 6 years agofffff its been a long, long year so far but i am ALMOST. DONE with the regular cancer treatments interrupting my life. some days i'm stuck on the bus for like, 3 hours while we wait outside another medical facility for patients to finish their other serious medical treatments. i'm ready for this to be over lol
radiation itself is not scary or painful or rough at all. it's like getting a very very slow but severe sunburn. if i was getting radiation to somewhere with more internal organs, i might be feeling more side effects. but yeah. mostly i just lie on a bed with my hands over my head while a huge machine goes BZZZZZZ at & moves around me.
i'll probably have to still run a gofundme or something once i'm done, though, because in spite of all the help i've got? cancer treatment is still extremely expensive. my savings were wiped out, including my savings for a new PC (my 5 year old laptop is... struggling these days) and my credit card is... yeah. not to mention a bunch of people dropped patreon pledges throughout my treatment period, and without time i couldnt pick up side work to make up the difference and thus slipped further back in debt. so. that'll be a thing, eventually. but considering that my (daily) radiation treatments wouldve cost over 1000$ -per treatment- without insurance, i'm very very grateful to -only- be in the situation i'm currently in.
i'm going to be absolutely relieved to be able to return to doing work for regular hours and at regular times. it's been a hell of a year. but i beat cancer, so i win. take that, My Own Cells.
radiation itself is not scary or painful or rough at all. it's like getting a very very slow but severe sunburn. if i was getting radiation to somewhere with more internal organs, i might be feeling more side effects. but yeah. mostly i just lie on a bed with my hands over my head while a huge machine goes BZZZZZZ at & moves around me.
i'll probably have to still run a gofundme or something once i'm done, though, because in spite of all the help i've got? cancer treatment is still extremely expensive. my savings were wiped out, including my savings for a new PC (my 5 year old laptop is... struggling these days) and my credit card is... yeah. not to mention a bunch of people dropped patreon pledges throughout my treatment period, and without time i couldnt pick up side work to make up the difference and thus slipped further back in debt. so. that'll be a thing, eventually. but considering that my (daily) radiation treatments wouldve cost over 1000$ -per treatment- without insurance, i'm very very grateful to -only- be in the situation i'm currently in.
i'm going to be absolutely relieved to be able to return to doing work for regular hours and at regular times. it's been a hell of a year. but i beat cancer, so i win. take that, My Own Cells.
Radiation: GO!
Posted 6 years agoHey fa. Docs gave me the month of august off from treatment so i wound up running around doing stuff like prepping rides for radiation (since its daily and i dont drive) and going to more normal checkups and regaining muscle mass and LIVIN ME LIFE. I even went to a friend's wedding!
So i'm back to walking a few miles a day and petting strange dogs... and now it's time to add a daily chore of going to the doctor to get zapped. It doesn't hurt. You can't smell it or see it or feel or sense it in any way, other than the machine making noise.
Side effects from radiation are supposed to be minimal. With careful scheduling, i should be able to get back to comics and commissions during this final leg of treatment.
And then in late october... it's all finished. Done! Just in time for halloween.
It's a relief to be getting my life back again. Cancer... is a real rude customer. But one i kicked the hell out >:O
So i'm back to walking a few miles a day and petting strange dogs... and now it's time to add a daily chore of going to the doctor to get zapped. It doesn't hurt. You can't smell it or see it or feel or sense it in any way, other than the machine making noise.
Side effects from radiation are supposed to be minimal. With careful scheduling, i should be able to get back to comics and commissions during this final leg of treatment.
And then in late october... it's all finished. Done! Just in time for halloween.
It's a relief to be getting my life back again. Cancer... is a real rude customer. But one i kicked the hell out >:O
chemotherapy is COMPLETE, IT IS DONE
Posted 6 years agohello friends n family n furries, it's been a while!
this past friday i officially finished with chemotherapy! my oncologist told me i am Cancer Free which is a great thing to hear, let me tell ya!!
now what this really means is "provided you commit to follow-up care, get radiation and endocrine therapy and we keep a careful eye on you for 5-10 years, you're probably cancer free" but i'll take it!!!
so i'm recuperating from the final chemo now, excited for when my immune system begins to bounce back in the next few weeks. i meet with the radiologist tomorrow, where we will figure out a schedule for me to get zapped on weekdays.
but i am feeling great to have chemotherapy behind me!
i'll be back to my usual drawings and able to see everyone again very soon. here's to kicking cancer's ass! thank you modern medicine!!
this past friday i officially finished with chemotherapy! my oncologist told me i am Cancer Free which is a great thing to hear, let me tell ya!!
now what this really means is "provided you commit to follow-up care, get radiation and endocrine therapy and we keep a careful eye on you for 5-10 years, you're probably cancer free" but i'll take it!!!
so i'm recuperating from the final chemo now, excited for when my immune system begins to bounce back in the next few weeks. i meet with the radiologist tomorrow, where we will figure out a schedule for me to get zapped on weekdays.
but i am feeling great to have chemotherapy behind me!
i'll be back to my usual drawings and able to see everyone again very soon. here's to kicking cancer's ass! thank you modern medicine!!
halfway thru the last chemo!!
Posted 6 years agosix more weeks!!!!!!
i'm going to get a 3 week break after that, and then move on to radiation which i have to get daily for a time. but after that i'll be finished. and i'll be back.
for now i'm making the final slog thru chemo with the help of ffxiv. i'm on faerie server (named Cinnemalt Biskit) if you wanna watch me be the world's most incompetant ninja.
a week ago i got bit by a tick and....the tick died from the chemo blood lmao. or at least was very severely poisoned. when i pulled it off it wasnt even moving. that's what u get, tick.
i'm going to get a 3 week break after that, and then move on to radiation which i have to get daily for a time. but after that i'll be finished. and i'll be back.
for now i'm making the final slog thru chemo with the help of ffxiv. i'm on faerie server (named Cinnemalt Biskit) if you wanna watch me be the world's most incompetant ninja.
a week ago i got bit by a tick and....the tick died from the chemo blood lmao. or at least was very severely poisoned. when i pulled it off it wasnt even moving. that's what u get, tick.
taxol has begun.
Posted 6 years agoone down, 11 still to go.
so far this chemo isn't as brutal as the dense-dose AC stuff. i'm not nauseated constantly, for one. but there are still side effects and they are still pretty lousy. my nails are starting to hurt (the nail beds are bleeding) and so it's hard to type... in addition to anything else you might need your fingers for. like pressing the home button on a phone. or peeling any protective foil off food stuff.
so i'm emotionally pretty low. i'm trying to stay physically active because the doctors and nurses say that's important and helps fight the cancer back too. but it's hard when you feel massive depression crushing you from above.
i'm still struggling to make my way through my backlog from before i was diagnosed. i'm hoping to be done before i start radiation therapy.
so far this chemo isn't as brutal as the dense-dose AC stuff. i'm not nauseated constantly, for one. but there are still side effects and they are still pretty lousy. my nails are starting to hurt (the nail beds are bleeding) and so it's hard to type... in addition to anything else you might need your fingers for. like pressing the home button on a phone. or peeling any protective foil off food stuff.
so i'm emotionally pretty low. i'm trying to stay physically active because the doctors and nurses say that's important and helps fight the cancer back too. but it's hard when you feel massive depression crushing you from above.
i'm still struggling to make my way through my backlog from before i was diagnosed. i'm hoping to be done before i start radiation therapy.
almost done my dense dose AC chemo, time for taxol chemo!!!
Posted 6 years agohello faithful ?? followers? readers?
it's been a while since i last made a post. chemo has been going. i won't say going well because nothing about chemo feels well, it's like a week long hangover plus you're getting over a stomach flu or something. it really genuinely sucks and getting anything done is REALLY hard.
but i am managing to take care of myself at least. i'm almost to the end of my first group of chemo drugs that i have to take (adriamycin and cytoxan) and soon i'll start the other drug (taxol) that i have to take for 12 weeks.
i'm a little scared about changing drugs (who wouldn't be!! spend 2 seconds looking up what these things do and you'd be too D:) but there's nothing really to be done about it but to face it bravely. the big worry i have, though, is that this drug is so damaging to nerves that it can cause permanent nerve damage in extremeties. like uhm. my hands. and the way to prevent this is super low tech.... i sit with my hands in ice the entire time i'm being infused with the drug. to slow down the circulatory system, and prevent the drug from getting into the hands in any large amounts.
and i am NOT A FAN of being cold lmao
so... that'll be me once a week right up til summer. but after that, i'll be done with horrible poison infusions and my hair will get to grow back and i'll be able to eat sushi and pet strange dogs again.
in the meantime, i know it makes me sound like a broken record, but having cancer Is Really Expensive. if you can donate to help me out, i would be so thankful for it. i can't reliably take on side work right now because i can't reliably complete it, and it's not like my utility companies have a cancer patient discount plan. lmao i fucking wish right? so money... is tight. and i spend... a lot just on doctors now.
well. that's all i got. since i'm almost two weeks from my previous chemo dose right now i almost feel 100% back to normal right now, so i better karpe diem and get some stuff done before fatigue knocks me down. thank you for sticking with me. i genuinely appreciate it.
to donate:
paypal: http://paypal.me/notfun
square cash ap: $cial
subscribe: http://patreon.com/notfun
it's been a while since i last made a post. chemo has been going. i won't say going well because nothing about chemo feels well, it's like a week long hangover plus you're getting over a stomach flu or something. it really genuinely sucks and getting anything done is REALLY hard.
but i am managing to take care of myself at least. i'm almost to the end of my first group of chemo drugs that i have to take (adriamycin and cytoxan) and soon i'll start the other drug (taxol) that i have to take for 12 weeks.
i'm a little scared about changing drugs (who wouldn't be!! spend 2 seconds looking up what these things do and you'd be too D:) but there's nothing really to be done about it but to face it bravely. the big worry i have, though, is that this drug is so damaging to nerves that it can cause permanent nerve damage in extremeties. like uhm. my hands. and the way to prevent this is super low tech.... i sit with my hands in ice the entire time i'm being infused with the drug. to slow down the circulatory system, and prevent the drug from getting into the hands in any large amounts.
and i am NOT A FAN of being cold lmao
so... that'll be me once a week right up til summer. but after that, i'll be done with horrible poison infusions and my hair will get to grow back and i'll be able to eat sushi and pet strange dogs again.
in the meantime, i know it makes me sound like a broken record, but having cancer Is Really Expensive. if you can donate to help me out, i would be so thankful for it. i can't reliably take on side work right now because i can't reliably complete it, and it's not like my utility companies have a cancer patient discount plan. lmao i fucking wish right? so money... is tight. and i spend... a lot just on doctors now.
well. that's all i got. since i'm almost two weeks from my previous chemo dose right now i almost feel 100% back to normal right now, so i better karpe diem and get some stuff done before fatigue knocks me down. thank you for sticking with me. i genuinely appreciate it.
to donate:
paypal: http://paypal.me/notfun
square cash ap: $cial
subscribe: http://patreon.com/notfun
one chemo down, next one's the 21st...
Posted 6 years agohey folks. just a real brief update here.
i had my first chemotherapy appointment on the 7th. i've only these last two days begun to feel truly human again, and i'm still very easily fatigued by very basic things (a walk down the block, for example) but at least i can once again sit up in a chair. my immune system is shot, i have to wear a facemask even in some parts of my own house (and with the cats when they want to get in my face) and there's a laundry list of items i can no longer eat...
and they tell me the second chemo is worse than the first. that is coming up on the 21st. the effect is said to be cumulative. i'm well taken care of, but if i do not post anything or cannot create anything... well, you know why. it's pretty awful, i certainly would not suggest anyone do chemo just for the experience of it.
my tenative end date for chemotherapy at this time is june 13th. if i react badly to the medications (i have to go to the ER if my temp reaches a measly 100.5f for example) that date may be pushed back. but i'm determined for it not to be.
one project i'm still trying (and somewhat able) to work on while this ill is my audiobook version of the scifi book Sin in Space. you can check it out here:
http://demon-sushi.com/sin-in-space
i am also posting more regular updates to my twitter (@hi_cial) and photos of simon the sloth orb adventuring around doctors offices on my instagram (@hekshano) so feel free to follow those if you're curious how i'm doing on a more day to day basis.
see you again soon... with one more chemo visit behind me.
i had my first chemotherapy appointment on the 7th. i've only these last two days begun to feel truly human again, and i'm still very easily fatigued by very basic things (a walk down the block, for example) but at least i can once again sit up in a chair. my immune system is shot, i have to wear a facemask even in some parts of my own house (and with the cats when they want to get in my face) and there's a laundry list of items i can no longer eat...
and they tell me the second chemo is worse than the first. that is coming up on the 21st. the effect is said to be cumulative. i'm well taken care of, but if i do not post anything or cannot create anything... well, you know why. it's pretty awful, i certainly would not suggest anyone do chemo just for the experience of it.
my tenative end date for chemotherapy at this time is june 13th. if i react badly to the medications (i have to go to the ER if my temp reaches a measly 100.5f for example) that date may be pushed back. but i'm determined for it not to be.
one project i'm still trying (and somewhat able) to work on while this ill is my audiobook version of the scifi book Sin in Space. you can check it out here:
http://demon-sushi.com/sin-in-space
i am also posting more regular updates to my twitter (@hi_cial) and photos of simon the sloth orb adventuring around doctors offices on my instagram (@hekshano) so feel free to follow those if you're curious how i'm doing on a more day to day basis.
see you again soon... with one more chemo visit behind me.
chemo starts march 7th D:
Posted 6 years agoheya friends,
here's my obligatory "i am starting chemotherapy" update.
the long of it is: because they found spots of cancer cells on the lymph nodes removed for examination during surgery, i did not dodge the bullet on needing chemo. i'm gonna be on a 5-6 month chemo treatment (the more intensive chemo, just nuke it all from orbit basically) called Dense Dose AC/T.
you can look it up if you want, but basically it amounts to "shit is about to suck, bigtime." chemo attacks fast growing cells, which include cancer cells. but it also includes: digestive system cells, the cells inside your mouth, bone marrow cells (making fewer blood cells, which means the immune system is junk) & keretin cells (hence why hairs/nails can fall out) in the process.
some things i'm not allowed to do on chemo include: eat sushi, pet strange animals, pet my OWN animals (without disinfecting my hands after), eat fruit/veg (including BANANAS) without washing the skin first, eat any kind of buffet style or 'fill a bag' style food (like by the lb candy), garden (if i MUST i must use gloves) use alcohol based mouthwash... you get the idea.
the very first medications prescribed to me were two (count em: two) hardcore anti-nausea medications. insurance will also cover medical marijuana for this. this is the real deal, folks.
so...
if i turn you down for an invitation to visit/hang out, please do not take offense.
if i do not respond to things in a timely manner, please do not take offense.
if you want to help at this juncture, money (transit, "safe" food, prescriptions, potentially hiring a cleaner) is most appreciated if you can spare it. if not, moral support is just as appreciated.
i am about to become very, very sick to achieve the goal of killing the cancer cells potentially still floating around inside of me. i will miss my spring and my summer. but i will live.
chemotherapy begins on the 7th of march (this month) for me. it will be every other thursday for a while (7th, 21st, 4th etc) in boston at harvard vanguard. it will involve me sitting in the hospital for 4-6 hours each time. i am... not hype about it.
once i'm done with chemotherapy i will still need radiation therapy and after that endochrine therapy... but i will live. it will be a long, long year. but i'll still be here at the end of it. i got this.
thanks you for stickin with me.
here's my obligatory "i am starting chemotherapy" update.
the long of it is: because they found spots of cancer cells on the lymph nodes removed for examination during surgery, i did not dodge the bullet on needing chemo. i'm gonna be on a 5-6 month chemo treatment (the more intensive chemo, just nuke it all from orbit basically) called Dense Dose AC/T.
you can look it up if you want, but basically it amounts to "shit is about to suck, bigtime." chemo attacks fast growing cells, which include cancer cells. but it also includes: digestive system cells, the cells inside your mouth, bone marrow cells (making fewer blood cells, which means the immune system is junk) & keretin cells (hence why hairs/nails can fall out) in the process.
some things i'm not allowed to do on chemo include: eat sushi, pet strange animals, pet my OWN animals (without disinfecting my hands after), eat fruit/veg (including BANANAS) without washing the skin first, eat any kind of buffet style or 'fill a bag' style food (like by the lb candy), garden (if i MUST i must use gloves) use alcohol based mouthwash... you get the idea.
the very first medications prescribed to me were two (count em: two) hardcore anti-nausea medications. insurance will also cover medical marijuana for this. this is the real deal, folks.
so...
if i turn you down for an invitation to visit/hang out, please do not take offense.
if i do not respond to things in a timely manner, please do not take offense.
if you want to help at this juncture, money (transit, "safe" food, prescriptions, potentially hiring a cleaner) is most appreciated if you can spare it. if not, moral support is just as appreciated.
i am about to become very, very sick to achieve the goal of killing the cancer cells potentially still floating around inside of me. i will miss my spring and my summer. but i will live.
chemotherapy begins on the 7th of march (this month) for me. it will be every other thursday for a while (7th, 21st, 4th etc) in boston at harvard vanguard. it will involve me sitting in the hospital for 4-6 hours each time. i am... not hype about it.
once i'm done with chemotherapy i will still need radiation therapy and after that endochrine therapy... but i will live. it will be a long, long year. but i'll still be here at the end of it. i got this.
thanks you for stickin with me.
if you can, help me w post-surgery bills?
Posted 6 years agoas i mentioned (did i?) in my previous journal, following my surgery i came home to find our furnace was broken, pipes cracked and basement flooded >.> as my doctor said "do you just do everything the hard way on purpose or is that your luck?"
anyway, the bill is about 600$ for all that water (the other things - plumber, repairs, new furnace - are covered already) and if you could help or share, that'd be really wonderful. thank you!!
https://www.gofundme.com/a-disasterous-water-bill
anyway, the bill is about 600$ for all that water (the other things - plumber, repairs, new furnace - are covered already) and if you could help or share, that'd be really wonderful. thank you!!
https://www.gofundme.com/a-disasterous-water-bill
Anthro New England!!! here we go!!!
Posted 6 years agohey hey ~~ i'm getting rly hype for the con this next weekend.
i have a table in the dealer's den (hekshano industries on the map) so c'mon by if you want to say hi. i have lots of stuff for sale. i can't lug my entire set of markers/pens/papers with me though since i'm still mending from surgery, so i don't think i'll be doing at-con full colour commissions. but, i'll be offering somethin'. i'll just decide when the time comes i guess?
i also am bringing my cialyena fursuit! and alph is bringing his sphynx cat. foolhardy the nidoking is staying at home this year again because he needs some mask repairs (aaand cuz of the aforementioned "i cant lug that much weight right now") but let me know if you get any pictures of me~
i finally had the surgical drains remove (yaaay) and the surgeon also checked on the stitching area. most of the stitches are absorbed! i'm healing up rather nicely!!
on the 20th i'll see the oncologist to discuss what kinds of chemo i need, etc. but for now i'm feeling pretty great haha. doc told me i can go back to weight lifting (as long as i don't work out til i hurt) and wearing deoderant (P R A I S E) and sleeping on my side. SO.
let's fuckin fuzz up boston yall!!!
i have a table in the dealer's den (hekshano industries on the map) so c'mon by if you want to say hi. i have lots of stuff for sale. i can't lug my entire set of markers/pens/papers with me though since i'm still mending from surgery, so i don't think i'll be doing at-con full colour commissions. but, i'll be offering somethin'. i'll just decide when the time comes i guess?
i also am bringing my cialyena fursuit! and alph is bringing his sphynx cat. foolhardy the nidoking is staying at home this year again because he needs some mask repairs (aaand cuz of the aforementioned "i cant lug that much weight right now") but let me know if you get any pictures of me~
i finally had the surgical drains remove (yaaay) and the surgeon also checked on the stitching area. most of the stitches are absorbed! i'm healing up rather nicely!!
on the 20th i'll see the oncologist to discuss what kinds of chemo i need, etc. but for now i'm feeling pretty great haha. doc told me i can go back to weight lifting (as long as i don't work out til i hurt) and wearing deoderant (P R A I S E) and sleeping on my side. SO.
let's fuckin fuzz up boston yall!!!
Complications & chemo
Posted 7 years agoWhat up. Lost a few days cuz i got an infection following surgery that blossomed into a fever. Those who know a bit about medical stuff know that... is pretty serious haha. Sooo i had a bad time in the ER, was very sick at home, very sick at my doctor, and finally began to improve with some very aggressive antibiotics. I'm on the mend now but whew what a week.
Additionally the biopsies of my lymph nodes came back and 2 of the 3 are positive for cancer cells. There's 2mm spots on each. Although that is not a huge amount of cells, that does mean that i am gonna need chemo. Sucks, but hey, what can ya do. That'll begin after i'm fully healed up from the surgery.
I still intend to attend anthro new england in boston at the end of this month tho. Some may think this sounds foolhardy but first of all: haha, i cannot be stopped. Secondly: the best doctors in the state, the best ERs in the state and the best general place to be in this state if you're in possible need of fast and good medical care is the city of boston. So i would much, much rather spend a weekend in the city surrounded by people willing to help me out in an emergency than at home in the sticks solo cuz my spouse has to work.
So.
Anthro new england here i flippin' come. Bite me cancer!
Additionally the biopsies of my lymph nodes came back and 2 of the 3 are positive for cancer cells. There's 2mm spots on each. Although that is not a huge amount of cells, that does mean that i am gonna need chemo. Sucks, but hey, what can ya do. That'll begin after i'm fully healed up from the surgery.
I still intend to attend anthro new england in boston at the end of this month tho. Some may think this sounds foolhardy but first of all: haha, i cannot be stopped. Secondly: the best doctors in the state, the best ERs in the state and the best general place to be in this state if you're in possible need of fast and good medical care is the city of boston. So i would much, much rather spend a weekend in the city surrounded by people willing to help me out in an emergency than at home in the sticks solo cuz my spouse has to work.
So.
Anthro new england here i flippin' come. Bite me cancer!
Surgery went well!!
Posted 7 years agoIm back home & on the road to recovery. The surgeon said the operation went super well and im already doing really well on healing.
They took 3 lymph nodes out but i will hear if they have any sign of cancer in them in the next week or two. There was a whole ordeal when i got home where our furnace had broken and so a pipe had frozen and flooded our entire basement... which meant we didnt have hot water until a few hours ago >.> if you wanna help me with paying for whats gonna be a brutal water bill tho, http://ko-fi.com/notfun is a easy way to help out.
Also i had an allergic reaction to the tape/iodine combo during the operation... but thats under control now haha. My pain levels from the op are so mild they didnt even send me home with pain meds. Its tylonal all the way for me baybeeeeee
Ok i should he napping. Just figured yall might want an updatw. Later!
They took 3 lymph nodes out but i will hear if they have any sign of cancer in them in the next week or two. There was a whole ordeal when i got home where our furnace had broken and so a pipe had frozen and flooded our entire basement... which meant we didnt have hot water until a few hours ago >.> if you wanna help me with paying for whats gonna be a brutal water bill tho, http://ko-fi.com/notfun is a easy way to help out.
Also i had an allergic reaction to the tape/iodine combo during the operation... but thats under control now haha. My pain levels from the op are so mild they didnt even send me home with pain meds. Its tylonal all the way for me baybeeeeee
Ok i should he napping. Just figured yall might want an updatw. Later!
got me a date for surgery!!
Posted 7 years agoit'll be the 29th of january (this month)!!!
so i have ten days to prepare. and also prepare for ANE, because i -am- still going to that convention and i -am- still going to be vending. i will not be stopped.
this last week i had a CAT scan, a bone scan, met with an oncologist, met with a genetic counciler, had a lot of my blood drawn and also picked up a bunch of clothing thatll be easier to wear after the operation. i'm finally back at home, still very tired, but glad to have them be done poking and prodding me and stuffing me into weird machinery.
after the surgery the tumor will be biopsied (along with a lymph node) and then i'll get the final staging of either stage 2 or stage 3. depending on the biopsy i may or may not have to do injection chemotherapy. if i don't need chemo i can move right on to radiation once i'm healed up from surgery.
so......i may have got cancer for xmas, but i'll be getting top surgery for my birthday. HA.
thank you everyone for your support, well wishes and help so far.
so i have ten days to prepare. and also prepare for ANE, because i -am- still going to that convention and i -am- still going to be vending. i will not be stopped.
this last week i had a CAT scan, a bone scan, met with an oncologist, met with a genetic counciler, had a lot of my blood drawn and also picked up a bunch of clothing thatll be easier to wear after the operation. i'm finally back at home, still very tired, but glad to have them be done poking and prodding me and stuffing me into weird machinery.
after the surgery the tumor will be biopsied (along with a lymph node) and then i'll get the final staging of either stage 2 or stage 3. depending on the biopsy i may or may not have to do injection chemotherapy. if i don't need chemo i can move right on to radiation once i'm healed up from surgery.
so......i may have got cancer for xmas, but i'll be getting top surgery for my birthday. HA.
thank you everyone for your support, well wishes and help so far.
more and more tests before surgery...
Posted 7 years agojust a quickish update.
monday i'm going in for a CAT scan and a bone scan. they referred to this as "staging" testing.
because the MRI found a second tumor near the first and a suspicious lymph node, i suspect the doctors are considering changing my initial diagnosis from T2N0 (stage 2) to...something else.
won't know more for a bit, but these tests are now required before they get me in for surgery. and surgery may also include abdominal surgery to remove the ovaries in addition to the removal of the cancer itself.
whew.... what a time, yall.
thank you to everyone who helped me with travel funds. it takes a huge stress off my shoulders to know i don't have to fret about lyft and trains and copays and all that stuff. you legit have no idea how much of a relief it is. i love yall. i hope i can repay your kindness someday <3
hey hey ho ho 2019 cancer fight lets go
monday i'm going in for a CAT scan and a bone scan. they referred to this as "staging" testing.
because the MRI found a second tumor near the first and a suspicious lymph node, i suspect the doctors are considering changing my initial diagnosis from T2N0 (stage 2) to...something else.
won't know more for a bit, but these tests are now required before they get me in for surgery. and surgery may also include abdominal surgery to remove the ovaries in addition to the removal of the cancer itself.
whew.... what a time, yall.
thank you to everyone who helped me with travel funds. it takes a huge stress off my shoulders to know i don't have to fret about lyft and trains and copays and all that stuff. you legit have no idea how much of a relief it is. i love yall. i hope i can repay your kindness someday <3
hey hey ho ho 2019 cancer fight lets go
request for $ to help w cancer treatment
Posted 7 years agohey so. we're at this point.
i had hoped we wouldn't but mom is... well, if you're close enough to talk to me on the reg you know my mom is Not Great and a classic narcissistic parent. unsurprisingly once she learned it was stage 2, she decided she was quite Over caring that i had cancer and threw herself a party (literally). she also implied that since i was trans i gave the cancer to myself, even though there is no such thing as a testosterone positive breast cancer and a 2013 study suggests that testosterone hormone therapy actually slows the progression and development of breast cancer... meaning being on HRT might have saved my life. ANYWAY... she had offered to help pay for transit but now is waffling on that.
2018 was a really rough year where my spouse didn't have work for 8 months of it, and so my savings were demolished and my credit card ...i don't like to think about the credit card. so getting cancer on top if it and then (i dunno why im surprised) having mom pull a support rug from under me kind of. woof.
BUT EVEN THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY........ if the electric bill wasnt 200$ more this month than last month. i dunno. i think they replaced the meter or something. but yeah that kinda blindsided me.
so... if you can, i'd really appreciate some help with getting to/from the city. i can't drive but i can lyft to/from the train. a train ticket is 12$ one way. i have an appointment this next week with an oncologist & hematologist, and hopefully today i'll learn when surgery will happen... or if i need to come in for more tests. i can try to break it down a little more if you want over DM.
in case you need some kind of proof, here's
- an ultrasound of the tumor that was biopsied
- the pathologist's report of the biopsy
but if you can help it'd be great. uhm. yeah. thanks...i'm not dealing with mom's behavior well but this really does mean a lot to me. im doin my best to keep my chin up, but it's still tough going. i appreciate everyones comments and words of encouragement so much tho. thank you.
https://ko-fi.com/notfun
i had hoped we wouldn't but mom is... well, if you're close enough to talk to me on the reg you know my mom is Not Great and a classic narcissistic parent. unsurprisingly once she learned it was stage 2, she decided she was quite Over caring that i had cancer and threw herself a party (literally). she also implied that since i was trans i gave the cancer to myself, even though there is no such thing as a testosterone positive breast cancer and a 2013 study suggests that testosterone hormone therapy actually slows the progression and development of breast cancer... meaning being on HRT might have saved my life. ANYWAY... she had offered to help pay for transit but now is waffling on that.
2018 was a really rough year where my spouse didn't have work for 8 months of it, and so my savings were demolished and my credit card ...i don't like to think about the credit card. so getting cancer on top if it and then (i dunno why im surprised) having mom pull a support rug from under me kind of. woof.
BUT EVEN THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN OKAY........ if the electric bill wasnt 200$ more this month than last month. i dunno. i think they replaced the meter or something. but yeah that kinda blindsided me.
so... if you can, i'd really appreciate some help with getting to/from the city. i can't drive but i can lyft to/from the train. a train ticket is 12$ one way. i have an appointment this next week with an oncologist & hematologist, and hopefully today i'll learn when surgery will happen... or if i need to come in for more tests. i can try to break it down a little more if you want over DM.
in case you need some kind of proof, here's
- an ultrasound of the tumor that was biopsied
- the pathologist's report of the biopsy
but if you can help it'd be great. uhm. yeah. thanks...i'm not dealing with mom's behavior well but this really does mean a lot to me. im doin my best to keep my chin up, but it's still tough going. i appreciate everyones comments and words of encouragement so much tho. thank you.
https://ko-fi.com/notfun
Good news!! Its only stage 2!!
Posted 7 years agoSo yaaay!!! Cuz stage 2 is 100% survivable with treatment!!
Im still in the process of figuring out exactly when and what that is, but yooo im not gonna die of cancer woooo!!! 🎉🎉💪✨
Im still in the process of figuring out exactly when and what that is, but yooo im not gonna die of cancer woooo!!! 🎉🎉💪✨
Its confirmed, i have cancer :B
Posted 7 years agoThanks for all the well wishes on the last post yall, but as of my latest doctor visit this morning, it's officially cancer.
Now i don't know what stage it's in, yet. They're still testing the biopsy sample and i still need to meet with specialists and surgeons and all that stuff. But surgery, radiation and chemo are all in my future now.
I don't THINK it's stage four, but i honestly can't be certain about that. But if it's not, my recovery rate is like between 75-100% with proper treatment. So let's all hope it aint stage 4, yeah?
2019 is going to involve a lot of doctor visits and a lot of me being exhausted and sickly, but i am determined to survive this thing. Happy new year, yall.
Now i don't know what stage it's in, yet. They're still testing the biopsy sample and i still need to meet with specialists and surgeons and all that stuff. But surgery, radiation and chemo are all in my future now.
I don't THINK it's stage four, but i honestly can't be certain about that. But if it's not, my recovery rate is like between 75-100% with proper treatment. So let's all hope it aint stage 4, yeah?
2019 is going to involve a lot of doctor visits and a lot of me being exhausted and sickly, but i am determined to survive this thing. Happy new year, yall.
well screw you too december
Posted 7 years agoso that physical health scare mentioned... it aint gettin less scary.
short of it: next week i need a biopsy.
cancer cw and details for below
basically its lookin pretty likely i will have a cancer in a part of my body i never really wanted to begin with? and have been actively trying to remove? but due to gatekeeping and general transphobia in the medical field, i have had to go years without doing that.
and in those years the concerns i've had about both the dysphoria it caused me and the pain i was in -pretty constantly- were brushed off. either i was too young or i was just paranoid (real sick of the 'crazy trans man' stigma) or it was my 'biological clock' ticking... just dont worry about it lol!!!! now sit down and prove youre Trans Enough to remove them, stop Making Up Stories to Get Them Removed :))))
so ... i was finally talking to a plastic surgeon who was used to dealing with transgender men who wanted chest reconstructive surgery and, of course, he actually took my concerns seriously. he ordered a diagnostic mammogram which my General doc downgraded to routine...
which meant that one week after the first mammogram, i needed a -second- mammogram with a doctor present, and an ultrasound, and following THAT....had to wait a week for the data to learn really what the situation is...
see. there's a breast abnormality medical scale used. it's called BI-RAD. it goes from 0-6. zero being "no data" and six being "confirmed cancer from additional testing" with 1-5 being your cancer risk according to the imaging.
i'm a BI-RAD 5.
that means i have a 95% chance of breast cancer.
if they'd let me get rid of my tits years ago, i would not have this cancer, but because Trans Dont Know What They Want With Their Bodies We Must Protect Them From Themselves is the prevailing attitude in society....... i probably have cancer. weeeee
things to consider before you freak out on my behalf tho?
1- it isn't the 60s anymore. cancer treatment has come really far. especially breast cancer treatment! odds are really good that with proper treatment i will fully recover. especially cuz i don't wanna keep these fleshbags in the first place amirite.
2- freaking out doesnt really help me, it kinda makes me feel worse. what i need right now is to keep positive and uplifted. and probably draw a lot of gay ffvii fanart and shit, but yknow, thats kind of an aside.
3- there's still a very slim chance i don't have cancer and that this dark lump that is Highly Suspicious For Malignancy is in fact just an alien parasite that's burrowed into my flesh or something. i'll know for sure sometime after the 26th, which is when my biopsy is scheduled.
.... but either way, it's kinda got me ready to stand in the center of a field and flip the double bird at the sky. what's up furries, 2018 fucking sucked and it still didn't kill me. suck it, 2018.
short of it: next week i need a biopsy.
cancer cw and details for below
basically its lookin pretty likely i will have a cancer in a part of my body i never really wanted to begin with? and have been actively trying to remove? but due to gatekeeping and general transphobia in the medical field, i have had to go years without doing that.
and in those years the concerns i've had about both the dysphoria it caused me and the pain i was in -pretty constantly- were brushed off. either i was too young or i was just paranoid (real sick of the 'crazy trans man' stigma) or it was my 'biological clock' ticking... just dont worry about it lol!!!! now sit down and prove youre Trans Enough to remove them, stop Making Up Stories to Get Them Removed :))))
so ... i was finally talking to a plastic surgeon who was used to dealing with transgender men who wanted chest reconstructive surgery and, of course, he actually took my concerns seriously. he ordered a diagnostic mammogram which my General doc downgraded to routine...
which meant that one week after the first mammogram, i needed a -second- mammogram with a doctor present, and an ultrasound, and following THAT....had to wait a week for the data to learn really what the situation is...
see. there's a breast abnormality medical scale used. it's called BI-RAD. it goes from 0-6. zero being "no data" and six being "confirmed cancer from additional testing" with 1-5 being your cancer risk according to the imaging.
i'm a BI-RAD 5.
that means i have a 95% chance of breast cancer.
if they'd let me get rid of my tits years ago, i would not have this cancer, but because Trans Dont Know What They Want With Their Bodies We Must Protect Them From Themselves is the prevailing attitude in society....... i probably have cancer. weeeee
things to consider before you freak out on my behalf tho?
1- it isn't the 60s anymore. cancer treatment has come really far. especially breast cancer treatment! odds are really good that with proper treatment i will fully recover. especially cuz i don't wanna keep these fleshbags in the first place amirite.
2- freaking out doesnt really help me, it kinda makes me feel worse. what i need right now is to keep positive and uplifted. and probably draw a lot of gay ffvii fanart and shit, but yknow, thats kind of an aside.
3- there's still a very slim chance i don't have cancer and that this dark lump that is Highly Suspicious For Malignancy is in fact just an alien parasite that's burrowed into my flesh or something. i'll know for sure sometime after the 26th, which is when my biopsy is scheduled.
.... but either way, it's kinda got me ready to stand in the center of a field and flip the double bird at the sky. what's up furries, 2018 fucking sucked and it still didn't kill me. suck it, 2018.
going thru a bit of a time
Posted 7 years agohey all. im in the midst of kind of a weird physical health scare, i wont know more til next week.
but in the meantime if you could, please please consider helping my very dear friend cyrus & their spouse melody. they're in one of those great (and very american) situations of "we might lose our home during the holidays"
if you can contribute any amount to help them keep their housing situation secure, it would mean so much to me. and to them, obviously, but i'm the one asking so i think i should impress upon you that... it really would make me happy to see my friends secure in their home for the holidays.
their goal is really modest, they're only 800$ away from it as i type this. please give whatever you can.
https://www.gofundme.com/help-us-survive-2018
but in the meantime if you could, please please consider helping my very dear friend cyrus & their spouse melody. they're in one of those great (and very american) situations of "we might lose our home during the holidays"
if you can contribute any amount to help them keep their housing situation secure, it would mean so much to me. and to them, obviously, but i'm the one asking so i think i should impress upon you that... it really would make me happy to see my friends secure in their home for the holidays.
their goal is really modest, they're only 800$ away from it as i type this. please give whatever you can.
https://www.gofundme.com/help-us-survive-2018
happy hrt anniversary to me
Posted 7 years agoive been on hrt for a year now. yayyyyy
the only downside? when i get a cold, it is absolutely the Man Cold ™ where im a giant baby and i die for like 3 days before it just becomes a normal headcold. kind of incredible.
still no sideburns tho. grrr...
the only downside? when i get a cold, it is absolutely the Man Cold ™ where im a giant baby and i die for like 3 days before it just becomes a normal headcold. kind of incredible.
still no sideburns tho. grrr...
please welcome to fa...
Posted 7 years ago
lukadiancommission pricing update!
Posted 7 years agoCOMMISSION PRICING UPDATE!
please be sure to read the post if you're a current patreon patron of mine especially
https://www.patreon.com/posts/21535812
please be sure to read the post if you're a current patreon patron of mine especially
https://www.patreon.com/posts/21535812
that last journal was long
Posted 7 years agoheres a short one
commission me on patreon! i draw for people as a job. so help me pay my bills & student loans and get art at the same time. win/win!
http://patreon.com/notfun
commission me on patreon! i draw for people as a job. so help me pay my bills & student loans and get art at the same time. win/win!
http://patreon.com/notfun
i felt compelled to write a journal entry???
Posted 7 years agoso its been a Long While since i posted a journal. hello
im excited bc tomorrow is my apt to get HRT from a doctor within massachusetts (thanks planned parenthood!! july 2nd marked them started to offer hrt to trans patients in the state, meaning we're not all stuck being waitlisted by fenway health for..........months)
i was already getting my meds via a PP in another state, but this is just. nicer, easier, and probably going to be less of a hassle with insurance since it won't involve crossing state lines. but i am a little nervous. you're always nervous when you, a trans person, are going to see a new doctor for continued treatment of gender reaffirming stuff.
btw, october will mark my 1 yr anniversary of hormone replacement therapy!! wow??
alph unforc lost his job tho. in the classic 'fuck you millenials' fashion, he was fired for not coming into work the day after blizzards. yeah, this took a long time to finally get sorted... but at least he has six years of unemployment to carry us for a few months. and then retirement savings after that if nothing pans out. basically new england got slammed by 3 consecutive blizzards in one month in late winter, and bc alph had to commute an hour each way, he wasn't going to risk it when the roads were still bad. which, yknow. fuck millenials etc just show up anyway who cares if you die.
anyway now that company is being investigated by the state, bc after firing him they then tried to lie on their taxes and claim he quit (he absolutely didnt, we had a month worth of paper trail trying to get him back to work and a letter from HR explicitly saying 'you are now fired' at the end) cuz i guess corporations get a tax break for not firing anyone? so, yknow, thats karma for them i guess. so fuck you right back, ya maga asshats.
so things are. different, but stable. its been hard for me to initiate contact w online communities as much tho, because i guess ive got a very low threshold for human interaction & alph being home all the time surpasses that threshold? but things are. not too bad. they're decent enough ive been able to lower my antidepressant dosage, anyway!
the cats are well, the fish are well, i lost a newt to a fight with a spider but acquired some others to replace them and so now all the newts are well. later this month i'll be getting some baby rats!! its been years, but i think my head is finally in a space where i can raise rats again. tho this time i'm being sure to get more than one, so that they dont feel socially isolated if i dont have the time to handle them enough each day.
this is a long journal!!!!!!!!! i had a lot of coffee
i might be going to furrydelphia next month. tho not to vend, just to like kick around and make always sunny jokes.
also unrelated but since im looking at my list of old journals: im reminded of the incident in the flea market w the nazi flag and the maga fuckwits proudly displaying it. when i asked people to help me (a queer jew) get it removed, someone basically was like 'pfff what do you expect, flea markets to be NICE for MINORITIES? lol!!!!!'
and like yeah i know im slow in this but its taken me a few months to put into words why exactly i think that attitude is shitty. its not that im expecting the flea market to be a space without grossness or weirdness. i too am gross and weird. i want to see haunted dolls and rusty lawn tools, mildewed wooden signs and manuals on surviving a nuclear war. that's literally the draw of a flea market. but i shouldn't feel like someone wants to throw me in a concentration camp in the process, see?
if you're making gays, jews, poc, etc all feel unsafe in a public space? thats shitty. but if you're DEFENDING that state of discomfort as a norm?? youre fuckin literally going 'uhm well if you dont like it maybe you should just stop being different.' thats like. actual white supremacist philosophy. that anyone who doesnt like a space thats geared predominantly to nationalist, white, straight people is somehow in the wrong and should just leave??? or accept feeling unsafe/uncomf, submit to the whims of fascists and meekly shuffle past without raising their voices??? like, thats yall literally going 'my safe space takes priority over your literal safety' which is fucked up
in other words....... going 'i want to be able to walk in the park' isnt a radical statement, but going 'shut the fuck up and accept literal symbols of white supremacy and fascism if you want to go to the park' is. and not the good kind of radical. the bad kind, where you wish your park had separate drinking fountains for people with darker skin.
which brings me to thinkin about the 'nazi furs f*ck off' badges at anthrocon. i think they are amazing. they are great. because the only person who can be offended by that is a literal nazi fur. if you are offended by them, you are self identifying as a nazi. and yes, you should fuck off. you are not welcome in my fandom!! do not come to conventions!! if you can't learn to be welcoming, friendly, non-judgmental and share spaces with different people WITHOUT saying dehumanizing things that suggest their experiences don't matter? get out.
you're not saying 'i want to go to the park' you're saying 'i want to go to the park and take a shit on the slide' and everyone at the park absolutely is allowed to shout your ass out for that act. we will not tolerate intolerance. its called the paradox of tolerance, and you should look it up!!!! but if youre a nazifur you prolly wont, because unless you're being told you're a victim for shitting on the slide and being told to fuck off, you don't want to listen to anyone at all.
those badges ruled and i hope they become a regular thing at conventions. make nazis unwelcome.
anyway, nazi furs fuck off. thx!!!!
ps, hire me on patreon. or just give me like a dollar, and i'll be like 'sweet. a dollar. three more of these and i can have more caffeine.'
http://patreon.com/notfun
im excited bc tomorrow is my apt to get HRT from a doctor within massachusetts (thanks planned parenthood!! july 2nd marked them started to offer hrt to trans patients in the state, meaning we're not all stuck being waitlisted by fenway health for..........months)
i was already getting my meds via a PP in another state, but this is just. nicer, easier, and probably going to be less of a hassle with insurance since it won't involve crossing state lines. but i am a little nervous. you're always nervous when you, a trans person, are going to see a new doctor for continued treatment of gender reaffirming stuff.
btw, october will mark my 1 yr anniversary of hormone replacement therapy!! wow??
alph unforc lost his job tho. in the classic 'fuck you millenials' fashion, he was fired for not coming into work the day after blizzards. yeah, this took a long time to finally get sorted... but at least he has six years of unemployment to carry us for a few months. and then retirement savings after that if nothing pans out. basically new england got slammed by 3 consecutive blizzards in one month in late winter, and bc alph had to commute an hour each way, he wasn't going to risk it when the roads were still bad. which, yknow. fuck millenials etc just show up anyway who cares if you die.
anyway now that company is being investigated by the state, bc after firing him they then tried to lie on their taxes and claim he quit (he absolutely didnt, we had a month worth of paper trail trying to get him back to work and a letter from HR explicitly saying 'you are now fired' at the end) cuz i guess corporations get a tax break for not firing anyone? so, yknow, thats karma for them i guess. so fuck you right back, ya maga asshats.
so things are. different, but stable. its been hard for me to initiate contact w online communities as much tho, because i guess ive got a very low threshold for human interaction & alph being home all the time surpasses that threshold? but things are. not too bad. they're decent enough ive been able to lower my antidepressant dosage, anyway!
the cats are well, the fish are well, i lost a newt to a fight with a spider but acquired some others to replace them and so now all the newts are well. later this month i'll be getting some baby rats!! its been years, but i think my head is finally in a space where i can raise rats again. tho this time i'm being sure to get more than one, so that they dont feel socially isolated if i dont have the time to handle them enough each day.
this is a long journal!!!!!!!!! i had a lot of coffee
i might be going to furrydelphia next month. tho not to vend, just to like kick around and make always sunny jokes.
also unrelated but since im looking at my list of old journals: im reminded of the incident in the flea market w the nazi flag and the maga fuckwits proudly displaying it. when i asked people to help me (a queer jew) get it removed, someone basically was like 'pfff what do you expect, flea markets to be NICE for MINORITIES? lol!!!!!'
and like yeah i know im slow in this but its taken me a few months to put into words why exactly i think that attitude is shitty. its not that im expecting the flea market to be a space without grossness or weirdness. i too am gross and weird. i want to see haunted dolls and rusty lawn tools, mildewed wooden signs and manuals on surviving a nuclear war. that's literally the draw of a flea market. but i shouldn't feel like someone wants to throw me in a concentration camp in the process, see?
if you're making gays, jews, poc, etc all feel unsafe in a public space? thats shitty. but if you're DEFENDING that state of discomfort as a norm?? youre fuckin literally going 'uhm well if you dont like it maybe you should just stop being different.' thats like. actual white supremacist philosophy. that anyone who doesnt like a space thats geared predominantly to nationalist, white, straight people is somehow in the wrong and should just leave??? or accept feeling unsafe/uncomf, submit to the whims of fascists and meekly shuffle past without raising their voices??? like, thats yall literally going 'my safe space takes priority over your literal safety' which is fucked up
in other words....... going 'i want to be able to walk in the park' isnt a radical statement, but going 'shut the fuck up and accept literal symbols of white supremacy and fascism if you want to go to the park' is. and not the good kind of radical. the bad kind, where you wish your park had separate drinking fountains for people with darker skin.
which brings me to thinkin about the 'nazi furs f*ck off' badges at anthrocon. i think they are amazing. they are great. because the only person who can be offended by that is a literal nazi fur. if you are offended by them, you are self identifying as a nazi. and yes, you should fuck off. you are not welcome in my fandom!! do not come to conventions!! if you can't learn to be welcoming, friendly, non-judgmental and share spaces with different people WITHOUT saying dehumanizing things that suggest their experiences don't matter? get out.
you're not saying 'i want to go to the park' you're saying 'i want to go to the park and take a shit on the slide' and everyone at the park absolutely is allowed to shout your ass out for that act. we will not tolerate intolerance. its called the paradox of tolerance, and you should look it up!!!! but if youre a nazifur you prolly wont, because unless you're being told you're a victim for shitting on the slide and being told to fuck off, you don't want to listen to anyone at all.
those badges ruled and i hope they become a regular thing at conventions. make nazis unwelcome.
anyway, nazi furs fuck off. thx!!!!
ps, hire me on patreon. or just give me like a dollar, and i'll be like 'sweet. a dollar. three more of these and i can have more caffeine.'
http://patreon.com/notfun
